372 Pages We ll Never Get Back

Bridget, is it your Jones's Diary?!

The Lair of the White Worm movie got some commenters talking about Hugh "I'm Huge" Grant and some of his other films, including Bridget Jones's Diary, which gives me an excuse to tell this quick anecdote (because "story" is too strong a word):

For those who don't know, and why should you, my wife's maiden name is Bridget Jones. So when Bridget Jones's Diary came out it was bedlam at our house. Because the spelling was exactly the same and no one who knew her ...

New books are on their way!

And what might it be?? We'll let you know soon enough!

Bonus Episode - White Worm Movie Recap!

Let's try posting this again. We discussed the Lair of the White Worm movie, and attempted to answer these questions (and many more!):

-What the hell?

-Dampton, not Lambton?

-Will Conor do another cooking show of Earthworms pickled in Aspic?

-Is the White Worm Song Band available for weddings?

-How does this compare to Ken Russell's other movie, "WHORE"

-Seriously, what the hell?

2019-11-01 16:50:44 +0000 UTC View Post

White Worm Book Winners!

Dammit! We were going to announce these during the movie recap and just plain forgot. Well, here are the two winners of our copies of LOTWW:

Alena Harrold
Dedicatedprocrastin (that's what came thru on gmail)

Send us an email at 372pages@gmail.com with your contact info and we will get the books in the mail! "Congrats!"

White Worm movie thoughts?

We're gonna discuss the White Worm movie tomorrow, if you have any thoughts or observations, send us a message or leave a comment!

Anyone wanna chat

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who joined me! I have to get ready to catch my theoretical flight. If there is a further delay, I may log back on, much much angrier.

Hello everybody. I am in the Dulles Airport Turkish Airlines Lounge waiting out a 4.5 hour flight delay. If you wanna chat I am in a discord room I created. I will add that I have no idea how discord works.

-Conor

An Epistolary Chrestomathy (White Worm Mailbag!)

Conor and I respond to the many emails you sent us with questions, concerns, and even clarifications and *gasp* elucidations! Among the items discussed:

• Inflatables, cow and others!
• Mongooses!
• Lair of the White Worm: The Motion Picture
• Christy’s Minstrels (oof…)
• Pappy Pariah
• Tooth earrings
• Time (see “Trucking Through”)
• Final Fantasy XIV
• BRAM STOKER’S SYPHILIS
• Sir Nathaniel = Old Tim...
  2019-10-24 16:33:18 +0000 UTC View Post

Worm Runner

Episode 58 - China Worm Sunflower

Three hypnotizing attempts, two destroyed castles, and countless walnuts later, Lair of The White Worm comes to an end. Break out the medium-grade china and cream-jug, because this is one episode you won't want to miss.

The 372 Pages Improv Players will attempt to fill the void when the Dark Web comes up empty, and we'll examine how the book is actually exciting, you just need the right music to play. And does Conor have a new Ogden in his life? Plus, what the hell are the amplified dim...

Meme Contest Winners!

So many good ones to choose from, but there can be only two winners. Was hard not to pick the Iyck dog or the Far Side Mercian Society one, but alas! Thanks to all who created and voted, if these are yours, email us at 372pages@gmail.com for your share of the prize! Here's a link to the gallery of all the entries:  https://imgur.com/a/1JezFTt 

Wait, what?

Deep into the book we get Lady A's mental state as she ponders her revenge on Caswell. For what, I've either forgotten or it's, surprise, unclear : 

"She [Lady Arabella] must lure him to the White Worm’s hole–but how?"

I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE WHITE WORM?! DIDN'T WE ALREADY WORK THIS OUT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY?!?!

Evil Bird Kite Test Flight

Alright, alright, I saw the post, so I recruited my parents to help me test fly the evil bird kite. It did not stay up long enough to try to send it any notes, but I think it's easy to see how one could get obsessed with sitting and watching one of these hover in the air (in between going to sleep in consecutive sentences, of course.) Perhaps in retrospect I should have read the reviews which specified " This is not a "get it up and forget" kind of kite" and " If you are looking for a kite to...

Kite, Kite, Kite!

Where is it, Conor?!

Episode 57 - Well Hung Doors

It's our third episode discussing Bram Stoker's "Lair of the White Worm". If you like coherent horror stories, we apologize. But as a consolation, may we offer you dozens of sentences with upwards of seven commas in them?

We get the best of what Bram has to offer here: conversations with old men in parlors, absolute gibberish theories passed off as scientific fact, tea with attempted murderers, forest-planks, and of course, in a triumphant return, The Worm of Lambton. We are well aware ...

Hoo boy...

Conor got a little excited after the baseball game late last night and now this is being delivered by 9PM tomorrow

White Worm Meme Contest!

Time for a Meme contest! Post your best ones in the comments, and this time around, "Like" all your favorites! We'll give a judges award as well as a prize for whoever gets the most likes. Use anything up to this week's reading assignment.

(Above meme is from the sequel to Bambi Meets Godzilla, Bambi Meets Lady Arabella)

Spoiler Alert! Chapter-ending Cliff Hanger!!

"But beyond such matters she did not try to go. The only comment she made was of strongly expressed surprise at her ladyship’s cheek in ignoring her own criminal acts, and her impudence in taking it for granted that others had overlooked them also."

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?! Will surprise be strongly expressed?! Will there be more cheek? More impudence? 

I can't take the suspense!

Sir Nathaniel?!

"As he spoke, Sir Nathaniel’s mouth hardened and his eyebrows came down till they met."

Episode 56 - For the Benefit of Evil Bird Kite

To say that LOTWW took an unexpected turn in this section would be a slap in the face to unexpected turns. While it appeared to be inching (worm pun) its way toward an exploration of the enormous holes that TOTALLY PROVE the existence of giant worms, most of the second quarter of the book is dedicated to Caswall's enormous bird kite.

Does he love the kite? Feel bad about the terror it hath wrought? Who knows! Stoker's writing is no more clear than Oolanga's expressions of love to Lady A...

Challenge!

Write a worse sentence:  "The next step of intellectual decline was to bring to bear on the main idea of the conscious identity of the kite all sorts of subjects which had imaginative force or tendency of their own. "

(Yes, I'm doing my reading now and lashing out... -- MJN)

[btw, my own attempt] "It was not, so far as it went, the matter of the buzzing of the game of Operation, as it was, in its essence, the sense that, when the matter came to be under one's intense study, w...

Bram says...

Episode 55 - A Very Special Mongoose

Bram, (or is it pronounced Bram) Stoker's Dracula followup The Lair of the White Worm, is not very good. But there's a lot to discuss!

Adam Salton has willingly traveled halfway across the world to live with his elderly Grand-Uncle, which is frankly a clue that we're not in for a relatable experience. But we were not prepared for just how unrelatable! We've got mongoose purchasing down by the docks, men who stare like hawks until a woman possibly faints, outfits made of stuff, and women...

Bonus Ep! The Live Show Recording Worked!

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on 9/18/19, it's a very special 372 Pages Live!

Conor & Mike turn the tables on themselves, reading bad writing from Conor's past. (Over two decades ago!) Mike either had no bad writing or it was somehow even worse than Conor's, so he got Bridget to sub in for him. (Turns out Ernest Cline's poetry is really bad and nobody wanted to inflict his poem "Cunning Linguistics" upon an unsuspecting audience. Don't google it.)

Special th...

Interview with famous man John Hodgman

A special 372 podcast with the author of Medallion Status!

https://www.amazon.com/Medallion-Status-Stories-Secret-Rooms/dp/0525561102/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=medallion+status&qid=1568836920&sr=8-1

Conor was essentially the inspiration for his new book and we've got the thrilling tale. We also put J...

As Sir Rod Lord Viscount Stewart would say...

Tonight's the night. It's gonna be, well, all right.

https://www.sisyphusbrewing.com/pages/comedy-event-space?event=12174

If you can make it, please do. If you can't, you will be missed.

(Rod Stewart reference here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZr6AE-u2UM)

(And I'll tell you...

Episode 54 - Book 9

We're on our ninth book! We now have enough bad books to field a baseball team or form our own personal Wu-Tang Clan of crappy literature. No reason to delay any further, hit play to find out what we're reading next, as well as what we'll be discussing at our September 18th live show in Minneapolis!

Soon...

I (Michael J Nelson) am back from my trip to Noregolia and then on to Gorzom where I found a local wench with a lithe, opaque nose. Got some plunder, too, long as I was there.

Anyway, Conor and I will be back very soon with our next book choice and some exciting news about our live show at Sisyphus Brewing!

Bonus Episode - Interview with Lauren

It's Mike's turn to take a vacation, so I sat down to discuss bad books with my wife, Lauren. As luck would have it, we JUST took a long road trip and happened to listen to an audiobook that we both hated. We'll discuss this unique experience of despising a book that you didn't actively set out to hate, as well as Lauren's experiences with Ernest Cline, Dan brown, and her editorial pet peeves.

And if case anyone is interested, Lauren brings up a sketch from my old [Citation Needed] Wiki...

Episode 53 - Seven Days of Mystery, Drama, Excitement, Compassion, Horror, and Romance

We finally finish Charles E. Harris aka The Horny Grandpa's saga Trucking Through Time. Tension is high as we finally will get an answer to our big question: will the author handle things sloppily or hamfistedly?? There's a big military standoff, sexy-time both across the river and in the breakdown lane of an interstate, and frankly, way more James A. Garfield involvement than anyone was expecting.

Unfortunately, there's just not enough of our two favorite characters: the Denver lunch c...

Wait, who's... he? And who's ... they?

"The Captain had told Collins on his way out not to repeat the conversation they had with Chad and Dale, but he was worried Collins would tell the General they were actually here to investigate the General."