Yeah, this one has a name. A while back, my friend and I were recovering from a hangover with a shit load of mac & cheese and a bunch of trashy Lifetime movies (she'd never seen a Lifetime movie before, so I feel both thrilled and guilty that I got her hooked). I can't remember the name of the movie, but I think it was about a suburban neighborhood where all of the neighbors were attractive, rich, and most importantly, all had open relationships for some reason, so they'd just bang each o...
2020-04-23 12:55:54 +0000 UTC
View Post
(note: hot sauces should usually have funny, flirty, tongue-in-cheek names. But I’m actually kind of terrible at coming up with those... so if anybody has a fun idea for a name for this sauce, drop it in the comments!)
My absolute favorite hot sauce of all time is called “Miss Anna’s.” It comes from St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands, and the story goes is that it’s been the same recipe for more than a century, with Anna‘s grandfather making it in giant batches.
...
2020-04-22 17:28:39 +0000 UTC
View Post
This is how I usually start writing a story. Post-it notes on cardboard. To be fair, the process has been a little different than it would be with a work of fiction, but that kind of makes it fun, too. In this case, a chronological outline that at least pins down a lot of the high points, as I remember them.
For the past week or so, I’ve been scouring old journals, notes, tracking down old emails to confirm dates, and in general, have been racking my mind. But memory is a fickle thing...
2020-04-22 15:54:00 +0000 UTC
View Post
It's funny the things you miss. Back home, there was this outstanding Jewish deli near my place, and I would head down there all the time... They had this $5 breakfast special that was a cup of coffee plus a bagel with smoked salmon, red onion, capers, cream cheese — classic lox. God, those were good bagels.
It was around that time, too, that I learned how to actually make bagels. I'm not sure why — I think it was just a kick I was on. But a friend of mine had learned how...
2020-04-22 12:24:40 +0000 UTC
View Post
Yup. A memoir, a la Big Girls Don’t Cry by Tina Small. (if you haven’t read it, let me know… I might have a PDF lying around here somewhere...) An original collection of life stories that tell the tale of... me. Printed, hardback, ink on paper, delivered right to your door.
While it’s being written over the course of the next four-and-a-half months, i’m sure I’m going to be poring over old journals, recalling certain stories, and fitting everything into place. It’...
2020-04-11 17:33:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
... for all of the folks who say I look sad all the time. I don’t think it’s sad, per se... maybe more “in thought?” Some gals have resting [insert quality] face; I guess I just have resting sad face.
Hey, real quick: I’ve said this in private a lot lately, but I just wanted to say it to all of you, because it means something.
I actually don’t have a very huge Patreon following. I’ve been informed, by close friends and distant acquaintances alike, that thi...
2020-04-08 23:50:46 +0000 UTC
View Post
This was always the hard part…
With tense fingers, Roger navigated the drone over the wall of the penthouse terrace, and lowered it, ever so slightly, to about six feet off the ground. The lights were on full blast inside the cavernous apartment, so there was still enough light to see the drone’s surroundings on Roger’s hand-held view screen; still, he was ever-cautious to make sure he steered clear of the elevated pool, lest the little machine take an unwanted, deadly ba...
2020-03-30 22:29:28 +0000 UTC
View Post
You had no way of knowing that the blouse she was wearing was, at one point, destined for the trash can.
She had gotten it only a week before, after one of her hit-and-miss online clothing stock-ups. Some of the articles miraculously fit like a glove; most were destined for a trip to the seamstress; this piece, like a couple of the others, was hopeless: so tight that the bottom hem required a generous amount of tugging to barely fit around her low-hanging, braless bre...
2020-03-30 11:43:37 +0000 UTC
View Post
...because there were requests to put the pics from the IG story up. This has been an uncharacteristically brief post. Good day.
2020-03-25 21:37:20 +0000 UTC
View Post
Kurzgesagt is this really great thing. If you haven't checked them out, give them a look on YouTube. Essentially, they're a collective of researchers, writers, illustrators, and animators who spend boatloads of time making these original (and frequently adorable) videos on a huge variety of topics that run the gamut from social science, to health and medicine, space, speculative technology, politics, economics — ...
2020-03-25 13:54:48 +0000 UTC
View Post
The memory on my phone was almost full, so I was going through and deleting a bunch of pictures. This one almost made the chopping block. The room was too messy, the lighting kind of chopped my head off, and if you ask any woman over the age of 25 how she feels about downward-up angles, you’ll get the same negative response (though even I have to admit that my legs look ah-maaazing... wonder why nobody ever notices those... 🤪)
And God knows what I was thinking with that piece of l...
2020-03-22 16:42:10 +0000 UTC
View Post
You waited outside for an hour, but it felt like longer. She was making her daily trip to the vegetable stand down the street, you knew, at some point. She would only be gone for a few minutes; in a neighborhood like hers, not even long enough to need to lock the door.
When she rounded the corner, out of sight, you strolled up to her door, casually as you could, and tried the knob. Just as you thought, unlocked.
You felt uncomfortable in this inner sanctum....
2020-03-22 00:34:52 +0000 UTC
View Post
When I was in college, I took two semesters of Latin. I have no idea why... I seem to recall something about the romanticism of it. It birthed so many other languages, so I guess I thought I would gain some greater insight into the structure of words themselves if if figured out where so many of them came from.
It sucked. Like Pacino in that one Godfather movie, "I thought I was out, but they pulled me back in." (I needed two language credits in the same language, so I had to s...
2020-03-19 23:48:53 +0000 UTC
View Post
...that she lived down the street. You were new to the area, and you could swear you saw her a few fays ago, sitting across the plaza, sipping on an espresso. You asked around, without being too conspicuous.
One night, you made the decision to perch your phone in the crooked branch of a tree, aimed roughly at her street-front window, and press the record button. Would she notice? Would your phone be spotted and snatched by some passerby? You stayed close, at a cafe only a ...
2020-03-10 01:27:22 +0000 UTC
View Post
I've kinda fallen in love with this image. Inspired by the set I posted recently, this is a re-creation of the first shot, with one (or two!) noticable difference/s.
It's funny how things like this work out. I would never have taken this image, except that a dear friend shared their inspiration. I got inspired too, added a flair to it, and a beautiful feedback loop of art took place. It's the kind of thing that turns out to be very refreshing, that recharges the creative batteries. I l...
2020-02-21 04:15:30 +0000 UTC
View Post
A final generous dusting of talcum powder, spread evenly across the vast expanse. Nadya felt her nose tickle as the fine white dust floated into the air, but she had become used to the sensation, and set to work ensuring the depths of her cleavage were coated; Zoya, meanwhile, dutifully managed the regions that were simply too far out of Nadya’s reach.
A moment later, Zoya retrieved two folded squares of white cloth from a shelf to the side of the palatial bathroom, and quickly ...
2020-02-16 17:55:39 +0000 UTC
View Post
My inspiration for this, my first "set," is a testament to, well, resourcefulness. I purchased a few pieces of lingerie on Amazon a little while back — little numbers that were only €2 or €3 each — and I was fairly certain that, even in the size that I was ordering (6X makes a girl feel skinny!), that they would never fit in a way that normal lingerie is supposed to fit. (The exception to this little splurge is the long lace dress, which fits adorably (I think) and was given to me as ...
2020-02-13 03:20:24 +0000 UTC
View Post
I've gotten a few letters from you guys, asking if (and this is the phrase that was used) everything is OK. And, thank you for those. I need to respond, but in short, yes. Things are fine. They are just… Things.
Yes. With the beginning of February, I kind of shattered my promise of doing a thing a day. I'm really sorry about that, you guys. The last week has been interesting. I've been in a place where my mind has been trying to catch up to whatever it tries to catch up to. I do mysel...
2020-02-10 03:22:37 +0000 UTC
View Post
I'm not going to Google it, because I find there to be something a little lovely about the idea that, in the not-too-distant past, we used to be able to go into a restaurant, sit down, somebody would bring up some fact, people would argue about it, and there was no oracle in your pocket where you could clarify whatever conversation happened to arise. In a previous life, my friends and I would leave our phones in the car, so we could postulate, confident in our own opinions, without one of us ...
2020-02-04 19:14:20 +0000 UTC
View Post
Yeah, this one's gonna have to pay a visit to the seamstress... I was waaaay off...
Funny... looks way better on the model... 🤣🤦🏻♀️🤣🤦🏻♀️
2020-02-03 23:12:47 +0000 UTC
View Post
Because I think you missed ham.
Ruffles. And they are ham flavored.
Despite my three posts last month relating to the benefits of ham, I never tried ham-flavored potato chips.
And then, I broke down. I bought a bag of these.
The verdict? Eh! They're ok! They taste oddly like ham. Which is simultaneously delicious, and also just a little disconcerting.
I have a feeling that if we were to dedicate as much energy and attention to space exploration and curing cancer...
2020-02-01 23:34:36 +0000 UTC
View Post
So, I've talked about this before. But when it comes to certain types of garments, I find myself in impossible situations. Now, usually, I opt for T-shirts and jeans (that's about 95% of my day-to-day wear, and I'm a T-shirt junkie, so it works), but every now and then, it's nice to feel like a real girl.
Which brings me to dresses. For me, there are four kinds of dresses.
The first are in the vast majority: ones that hang long and loose, like giant muumuus. These aren...
2020-01-31 21:10:37 +0000 UTC
View Post
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing...
...
...would you like to try... our Apple Dippers...
...
2020-01-31 01:09:52 +0000 UTC
View Post
Would you rather fart every time you laugh, or burp every time you cry?
Would you rather poop your pants once a year in public, or every day in private?
Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?
Would rather be able to speak to animals, or communicate in every language in the world?
Would you rather begin every sentence with "Hey, Idiot," or end every sentence with "Haha, I was just kidding."?
It's questions like this that make me sta...
2020-01-30 01:55:18 +0000 UTC
View Post
I'll be gash-durned if I miss one! So just a quick selfie tonight. I love all of you. 😘😁
2020-01-29 09:48:55 +0000 UTC
View Post
An extension of my post on Instagram earlier. This is me in the middle of the process. It was going to start out as a Bolognese, but eventually I decided to go more of the vodka cream route. I like to think of this picture as a sort of Where's Waldo, but more appropriately, a stark reminder to myself to not let my boob get too close to a hot burner.
Can you imagine? That would be horrible. I've never had any injuries just yet, but to be fair, I am careful. 😱😱😱
#bigboobpr...
2020-01-27 20:22:07 +0000 UTC
View Post
I am a bit of a night owl, so there are times when I post these messages well after midnight. My general rule is that if I can get it posted before midnight Eastern Standard US time, I will be OK.
Tonight, it's been a late one. And I realized that I am very close to crossing that event horizon. But! In the spirit of keeping pace with my once-a day-obligation... I offer this little ditty.
I hope your weekends are ending well, and that your weeks are off to a lovely start.
2020-01-27 04:19:33 +0000 UTC
View Post
I swear to God, it took me 30 minutes to figure out the chords for this one. Which feels like a long time for just 12 notes.
The payoff? I now have a handy dirge to play, should anything mildly tragic occur in my presence. #weekendwin #lifeskills #its-a-me
2020-01-25 18:36:01 +0000 UTC
View Post
As Mel Brooks said in Spaceballs, "Merchandising!" ...Nah, not so much of a cash grab as a rarely produced Boba Fett action figure from 1979.
First thing's first — I'm dipping my toe into the pond of T-shirt design. Am I a master graphic designer? Hardly. Is expressing myself visually something I've pledged to do in 2020? That's more like it. If, on the off chance, someone stumbles...
2020-01-24 22:31:42 +0000 UTC
View Post
...that the other day I mentioned button gapping in the flannel shirt. And then, I totally left you all on the line for that one.
After this picture was taken, I ended up keeping it on for a little while longer… I don't think the fabric around the buttons and the buttonholes will ever be the same again, but so much for longevity.
2020-01-23 21:22:29 +0000 UTC
View Post
