endlessjess

Resident Senile (REmake part 5)

This episode, and the next few, were recorded on a private livestream, because my playstation's hard drive was too full of old footage to record on. The downside is that my stream mic is slightly crappier than my regular mic. You probably wouldn't have noticed that if i hadn't said anything, but i always feel like i have to apologize for that. 

It's not even that my stream mic is bad, it's just that my other mic is really good, but i'm technologically retarded and it doesn't go in ...

Red Bow - Scary Spooky Indie Crap

Ratalaika Games is an interesting little indie developer i've had my eye on for a bit. Not on purpose, mind you. More like by necessity, because they're the only developer i know that regularly releases games at a Ramen Noodle price, and most of their games are weird and janky enough to make for good Blue Glows. 

I have a bunch of their cheap-ass games. They mostly all follow a pattern of being interesting and odd enough to warrant interest before revealing their crappiness once &n...

The Cruelty of Captain Ladder - Death Stranding Part ?

It's time for our monthly check-in with Norman Reedus and his horrible job dragging bodies across America to prevent the explosive devastation of necrotic butt-rot bombs.

Ah yes, i remember now. This is the episode where i contemplated ending all life on Earth in a great purging fire. Wait, that doesn't narrow it down much at all. 

Oh right, this is the one where i fell in a river, and then fell off a ladder, and then fell some more. I'm reminded of a bit of poetry from the o...

Piss Age 8 - It still ain't great.

I hate this game i hate this game i hate this game i hate this game i hate this game. 

I long for the day i never have to edit another piece of visage footage ever again. It sickens me. It's the worst game ever created, i regret playing it, and the only solace i'll ever find in this life is the day i can finally forget about it forever. 

God just watching it back while i write this is making me relive these fucking shit ass controls. Okay enough, let's not be negative. L...

Mining and Whining - NMH Part 7

This falls into the category of Blue Glow videos where if someone who wasn't already familiar with my sense of humor ever saw it, i can only assume their immediate takeaway would be that i suck more than anyone has ever sucked, as it consists entirely of complaining and then being too enamored with my own complaining to figure out how to kill the miniboss. If you're hoping i figure it out soon, i regret to inform you that it took me... quite some time. 

Most regretfully ...

Falling in Love with Disco Elysium - Part 2

This might be the most heartwarming video i post this year. It's literally just a video of me being happy for once and falling in love in real time. Not with a person, with a video game, which if you've ever paid attention to me at all you know is a miracle because i famously despise video games. 

How do i describe the depth of my feelings toward this wonderful game. To put it in words only people here will understand, Disco Elysium is like the anti-Visage. You know how that game i...

Katamari Rerolled

Oh boy it's the Blue Glow debut of another one of the greatest games ever made.  Well technically it's the modern remake/remaster/re-something of it, but you get what i mean. Katamari Damacy, baby!

I remember when i was a lad watching G4 after school when this gem was first coming out. People were simultaneously perplexed and enamored by this quirky, far-out, japanese-ass rolling game. It's one of those rare cases of a game that you can't believe even got released over here, becaus...

Hades: Time For Bed

This is the last Hades video unless it returns to Game Pass at some point. So for now the series wraps up the way every Blue Glow should, with me tired and cranky. It's good that i don't have any more of these for the time being because after a while there's not a whole lot left to say about a game like this. 

It's a rogue-like. You do the same thing over and over until your eyes melt or you can't stand to listen to yourself talk anymore. That's the entire point of the genre, so wh...

Battletoads Reboot

Ah, Battletoads, the Street Sharks of the Gaming World. Not all Ninja Turtle rip-offs are created equal. For every S.W.A.T. Kats, there's a Wild C.A.T.s. Writing that sentence gave me an aneurysm so i hope you can survive reading it. My point is Battletoads was always one of the cool ones. 

What are the Battletoads? Are they mutants? Aliens? Brothers? Nobody really knows. But the games were awesome. I'm particularly fond of the crossover game Battletoads/Double Dragon: The Ultimate...

God of Oar: Dadnarok

I accomplished fuck all that i wanted to do this month because someone who doesn't respect my time decided to release a new padded-as-fuck 80 hour God of War game. The good news is that i recorded enough of the game that you can experience me slowly realizing i hate everything about it in real time. 

I don't know how much of my opinion i want to spoil by writing here, but basically the story makes no sense and is full of lame CW teeny bopper bullshit written by idiots, every charac...

Insidious

https://www.bitchute.com/video/bNibrpNv5PUw/

AAAH SCARY BAD MOVIE. I

 AM FUCKING. 

RUNNING OUT. 

OF WAYS. TO SAY.

JAMS WANS MOVIES NOT GUD. 

ME NO LIKE. 

no more. no more. i said NO MORE, SATAN. BE GONE FROM ME. TORMENT SOMEONE ELSE WITH THESE FOUL FILMS. 

I feel like i've been in a timeless place. Watching these movies f...

The Child's Sight / An Evil Existance

AAAH SCARY BABY GAME!

This is actually two games i played two games its a two for one wow what the fuck. 

The first game here is called An Evil Existance. Yeah, it's an evil existence alright. So evil it nearly blew up my playstation. So i swiftly discarded it and started playing the scary baby game instead, which is even scarier than it sounds. 

The Child's Sight is too scary, no one should play it. It makes me feel like a baby. A helpless baby with only my music ...

Piss Age 7

It wouldn't be Halloween without the scariest game of all time Visage, and by scary i mean bad. Oh what, you thought you were safe? WRONG. NObody is safe from Visage and no one ever will be until the stupid game is over and thrown in the trash never to be played again, which i promise does happen eventually. 

This episode features a stuffed bunny's blue bussy, a reeking freaking tree house full of stupid noises and bad drawings, and a dumb camera that takes butt-fugly photos of sti...

Death Stranding: Sad Body Man

Does death stranding count as a scary halloween game? I don't know. It gets kinda creepy at some parts, but mostly it just flip flops between poignant serenity and controller smashing hatred. 

I guess dead bodies are scary and this one certainly has that. If you recall i'm still paying for my ruinous killing of two guys who were trying to kill me, which in Kojima's world is an unforgivable sin that must be punished by the game being bad for the next 5 hours. Don't try to understand...

Murderhouse

Another cool new modern but oldschool ass throwback survival horror type thing ooh boy. This one was popular with the streamers i think, it had some buzz. Unlike Tormented Souls which uses 1990s ass mechanics and story elements with a more modern presentation this one goes all the way with the gimmick and makes the graphics, sound, and presentation as playstation 1 as it possibly can. There's even a PS1 filter you can use, as well as a VHS one and a bunch of other ones. Wow. Totally rad. ...

White Day

In this game you break into the school at night but not to  do something cool like eat pizza and candy with your boys and guzzle sodey pops. I'd play the crap out of that game only it's not a game it's called life. Life in the real america back in the good ole days. But in video games when you break into the school at night it's all scary and haunted and also it's in Korea so it's even more scary and haunted. OOPS... ALL SCARIES. That should be a cereal but too bad the count chocula / fr...

Evil Within 1 Rambling Boss Fight Hell

Evil Within 2 was too much fun so i had to go back to the asinine first one to torture myself, you know, for context. You'll find no finer torture throughout the 10 planets of Hell than the crap-shitting ball-busting boss battles in this gruesome game. Well two can play at that game in this game, cause i'm gonna play my own game, and it's called If The Game is gonna torture me I'm gonna Torture The Game Right Back Because I AM... THE GAME." Then i spit water but the water is blood because it'...

WREstLiNg! NXT Halloween Havoc

Oh shit remember NXT? Didn't that used to be a thing? Well, turns out it's still a thing so i guess it's wrestle talky time. Apparantly at some point in the last few years WWE revived Halloween Havoc for it's NXT brand. I had no idea because NXT is CAW city and I haven't been there in 50 years. 

What is Halloween Havoc you ask? It's a wrestle thing with Halloween Decorations. Sometimes they do spooky gimmick matches but it's mostly about the decorations, the wrestling is largely no...

Panel-Cast - Sacrament / Blood On The Tracks

Quick, name the two scariest things you can think of. If you said "antiquated chastity vows and shitty parents" then watch this video at your own peril as you may find our selection of funny books this evening somewhat triggering. 

First up we got Sacrament, a gruesome tale of biblical boobies and big fucking scary Satans... in SPACE. But that's just the appetizer. The really diabetes assault of razor blade candy is the confusingly named Trail of Blood/Blood on The Tracks / Chi no ...

Breeder Homegrown

Here's a creepy little indie game you've probably never heard of that i'm pretty sure i got for one dollar. It's cool. It's cool and it's creepy and it's scary and it's spooky and it's short and it's.. ya know, it's okay. I have spoken. 

When you explore the world of incredibly cheap indie games no one's ever played you get a lot of weird stuff, and mostly it's horrible, but sometimes it's kinda neat. There isn't much to this one gameplay wise, it's basically a walking simulator ty...

Annabelle Comes Home

https://www.bitchute.com/video/GO9HCtylwRwa/

Ugh. Here's the third and, if Gods be good, last Annabelle movie. At least until they make Annabelle Vs. Chucky. Which wouldn't even have them fighting because Annabelle doesn't fucking do anything. She never does anything. 3 movies, and she hasn't even fucking moved. Not once. Chucky would just have sex with her unmoving body and then Jennifer Tilly would wa...

Let's Get Tormented

It's Halloween. I'm too poor for a costume, too old for candy, i don't know anyone to party with, and i'm more afraid of death, regrets, mysterious body pains, and social media than any ghosty-ghoul or entity. The only demons that frighten me anymore are the ones in my head, and the spookiest night of the year means nothing special to me anymore because my soul is tormented all year round.

All i have left in this world is you little whipper-shits knocking on my door for sweet sugary con...

Buff Movie Buffs: Oculus

Link because bitchute never embeds right: https://www.bitchute.com/video/MSOvGwI9i6Xu/

The Babadook Boys aka The Fart Brothers aka The Buff Movie Buffs ride again with a haunted Halloween Hayride. Oh it's true! It's Damn True! The Cine-masochist and i have once again stayed up until 6 in the morning screaming and laughing like idiots over cool movies.

We watched Oculus and Babadook, two...

Oh hey look an actual masterpiece.

This is Disco Elysium, it's one of the best games i have ever played in my life. There's so much i could say about it, that i don't know what the hell to say about it, because i don't know where to start. Luckily this isn't a full review or critical analysis, it's just a couple paragraphs of introduction on my journey through it in that old Blue Glow. I'll have plenty more chances to articulate my deep and profound love for this absolute fucking juggernaut of a game, because there will be man...