"Get thee inside Me, saideth the Lord," I typed after at least 60 different versions of the same exact thing. Hi, I'm Seanbaby from the Internet, longtime researcher of ridiculous things that shouldn't be, and never has my job been easier than now. I'm very excited to show you The ecstasy of loving God<...
2021-03-04 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostPerhaps, you, like I, have made the mistake of thinking there isn't a huge adult Ninja Turtles fandom. Ninja Turtles are fun when your brain is still mostly goo, but once you grow up and become a solid-brained adult, you realize living in the sewers is gross, and the turtles probably stink to high hell like...
2021-03-03 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostBrockway: Hello and welcome to a Very Special Team Reflecting Day: It’s 1-900-đźŚâ€™s one year anniversary! Sean and I are both here to talk to you earnestly and honestly about this amazing journey. When this all began, we weren’t even sure there was a place left on the internet for pu...
2021-03-02 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Bonus podcast link for Patrons.Â
2021-03-01 15:22:46 +0000 UTC View PostYou have used your eyes to ingest far more than the FDA mandated Maximum Ocular Hot Dog Intake (2 franks/day). Let’s give them a break and switch to cramming tubed meats straight into your earholes. It’s 2021-03-01 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Today, the Dogg Zzone 9000 welcomes our old friend Daniel "Hot Dan the Mustard Man" O'Brien, the emmy-award winning writer from Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and co-host of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel. A...
2021-02-26 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Three Pizza Buddies watch Super Friends! With Daniel O'Brien!
2021-02-26 12:59:00 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome, đźŚs, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard it causes problems in our personal and professional lives. But did you know you’re awesome? Because if you didn’t, we will now prove it definitively. We’ll shove your fucking face in how awesome...
2021-02-25 13:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostThe Power Rangers Mailed Me A VHS Tape That Gaslit And Exploited Me. Hi, for your sake, I hope you’ve never heard of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Official Fan Club Video. It is a bad and cursed videotape! It was the single grossest experience of my Power Rangers fandom, i...
2021-02-24 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostMalibu Comics had all the quality control and undeserved tragedy of a child sweatshop but without the child part or the undeserved part. If you used gestures and crude pictograms to describe a good comic book to a Sentinel Island native who knew nothing of the modern world, they would kill you with a spear....
2021-02-23 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostWe are about to go on "an adventure in learning manners." It's an absurd chain of contradictory words no sane person would put together, but you already know what they mean. An educator is about to betray you, probably with some kind of monster suit.
Demons are terrifying. They’re the beating heart of evil manifested on Earth. They’re fucking awesome. Without demons what would our heavy metal album covers be of? Just dragons and tits and dragons with tits and that’s great art but it could be better with a demon riding it. In 1863, Colin De Plancy ...
2021-02-19 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostCocktails is the trailer for a show that was never made because this world is an unceasing tragic parade of missed opportunities and live-action anime adaptations. It’s a teaser for an epic gay drama made by a man named Ron Merk, who looks like an excommunicated Keebler Elf (the cracker and flatb...
2021-02-18 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s Podcasting Day again, and I hope you all have your pods ready for casting. Imagine if you didn’t. Imagine if you weren’t prepared to cast a pod at all - you’d be so embarrassed. Friends would mock you, family would abandon you, dogs would attack you in the street sensing your innate weakness. L...
2021-02-17 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostThere is a wide spectrum of philosophies when it comes to self-defense books. Some suggest obliterating the bones and organs of your attacker. Others warn you should only shriek an alarm and look for an escape. But 1978's Fight Back - A Woman's Guide to Self-Defense is the closest I've ever seen a ...
2021-02-16 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostHow many guns do you think should be in a Walt Disney World Tourism video? Is it none guns? Or is it this many guns?
We explore a lot of esoteric things here on 1-900-đźŚ, but today I'm going to talk about a book everyone can relate to-- a guidebook specifically for therapists treating patients with multiple personalities who were hypnotized into murdering their siblings by feces-eating Satanic cults.
2021-02-12 13:00:03 +0000 UTC
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As we all know, Star Trek is the horniest show ever to exist. Yes, there was once a show on HBO where the entire premise was this man has a large penis, and these are its adventures; it's got nothing on Star Trek.
There's an episode of Star Trek where a sentient cloud is in ...
2021-02-11 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostEleven months ago, we launched 1-900-🌠into a media space destroyed by unchecked digital capitalism during an era of political treachery too ridiculous to parody but too big to ignore. Jokes about anal pleasure instructional videos felt almost irresponsible. But 2021 brings with it a new era-- an era whe...
2021-02-10 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s Hot Dog Appreciation Day, where we take a few moments away from furiously hunting down psychic karate masters to mock their books, and instead turn to the incredible community that has arisen around our psychic karate author hunts.
Let’s check in on The Comments 2021-02-09 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
It's the Dogg Zzone 9000 Episode Nine! It's the day Brockway decided we were getting to the bottom of something that's been bothering us for months: Heathcliff...
2021-02-08 13:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Patreon links for the bonus podcast.
2021-02-08 13:00:00 +0000 UTC View PostHappy very special Podcasting Day to you, our podcastees. And it’s a big one: as of today, The Dogg Zzone 9000 is going weekly! That’s right, we’re going to talk to you every single week, like a healthy relationship with a parent, or a mandatory one with a parole officer. We’ll spend so muc...
2021-02-05 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostI'm going to start this article with the same phrase Bill Cosby whispers into his cellmate's ear every night: "If magic was real, you'd use it to force others to have sex with you, right?" It's also the phrase publishers in the year 2001 might recognize as the entire pitch for Gilly Sergiev's 60 Sexy sp...
2021-02-04 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostMisty: Horror Comics for Girls was exactly what it sounds like, but not the way you think. They were not “for girls” in the sense that their stories were built to appeal to young women, but rather that girls needed these stories so they could learn how to quit being so awful all the ti...
2021-02-03 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostAre you ready for the most Official wrestling products from 30 years ago, brother!?
Ok, so I should probably pref...
2021-02-02 13:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post35 years ago, David Seeger wrote a rap with up to four rhymes about karate and the terrible things it does to your body. It was a bit tone deaf but totally earnest, extremely goofy, and ultimately harmless. I tracked him ...
2021-02-01 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostTo explain to you what Poopsie Slime Surprise is would require me to understand them, and I can't even pretend to do that. For some reason, around six months ago YouTube thought I might be interested in a video of cartoon unicorns in diapers and crop tops singing about how much they enjoy shitting. This is ...
2021-01-29 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s Hot Dog Appreciation Day again, and we have plenty of hot dogs to appreciate. Slowly, sensually appreciate while making hard eye contact with Terry, who will never invite us to another barbecue again.
Let’s check in on The Comments!
First to Sissyneck 2021-01-28 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Earlier last year, the producers of Wonder Woman 1984 came to me and said, "Internet's Seanbaby, please design trading cards for our all-ages superhero film simul-launching in theaters and on HBO Max!" I said, "Sure, but I'd like to explore the film from the perspective o--" They stopped me to say ...
2021-01-27 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
