ActionBoyz

Heat (1995)

The ActionBoyz chose this week's pic, HEAT, to celebrate all the beautiful southern women working at bookstores. You know the type - they're always single and trying to get involved with 50-year-old customers who read books about metal. These women should know that this kind of guy is most likely being chased by a necklace wearing, cocaine using cop who screams for no reason.  Also, this kind of guy is always saying,  "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to ...

Shadow Wolves- August

It is that time again...Ask a question in the comments. Hopefully it is a good one like...

Where's Bobby Lupo?

or...

You a tough guy?

Don't forget to like Qs that you really want answered, and don't forget to make your question not-stupid.

BONUS: Thank You Episode

THANK YOU ActionBoyz Guyz and Girlz. With your combined effort, the Boyz have amassed over 1,000 patrons. This wouldn't have happened without all of you recommending this show to your dumb friends and weird families. So thank you...
In honor of this momentous occasion, the ActionBoyz hosted a star studded gala in Hollywood California. The event proved to be a who's-who of ActionBoyz favorites. There was no shortage of nostalgia, hair dye, egos and problematic ideologies.

As a thank you...

Firefox (1982)

If you're out taking a slow jog in the woods, don't be alarmed if a helicopter starts following you – it's just the ActionBoyz coming over to breakdown this week's pic, FIREFOX. Don't let the memories of your past get in the way, the Boyz need to tell you about Clint Eastwood's old man physique, how he continued to look 54 years old in his Vietnam flashbacks, and how boring it is to watch a stand-and-deliver actor calmly sitting in the fake cockpit of a thought controlled aircraft. And last, d...

Shadow Wolves

The wait is over Wolves...Your loyalty is being rewarded. Behold the inaugural episode of ShadowWolves. It's not too late, you can still turn back because once you listen to this episode, you'll be a ShadowWolf for life, you'll be added to every government watchlist and virtually unemployable (even more than you already are). For those of you brave enough and dumb enough - the topics covered in this episode are: unlikely action movies, personal exercise routines, what the Boyz are reading and wa...

Action Jackson (1988)

This summer is shaping up to be  "Hot...Hotter...Hottest!" The best way to stay cool is to watch this week's movie, ACTION JACKSON. The cast is a who's who of ActionBoyz favorites including: Al Leong, Mary Ellen Trainor, Sonny Landham and Explosions. Leading the charge is Carl Weathers and his incredible physique - you really will believe he was a high school track star! Enjoy this episode and if you behave yourself you might get your lieutenant stripes back, until then, "mellow out".  ...

Rapid Fire (1992)

Put down your sketch pads ActionBoyz boyz and girlz, the nude model that your drawing is trying to trick you into attending an event for Chinese democracy tonight. You should just stay home and watch this week's pick, RAPID FIRE. Powers Boothe becomes Brandon Lee's dad by the end of the movie - for no reason. Brandon Lee showers in the kitchen sink and The Boyz pay tribute to him and his tragic demise by going on and on about how big his head is. 

Mission: Impossible (1996)

Action Boyz boyz and girlz...Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to watch this week's movie, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. That's right the original- the original remake of the TV series. Please keep in mind, this is a dangerous episode involving: Tom Cruise love, diarrhea, French firefighters and a deep desire to understand how the fuck Ethan Hunt sent that email to Max. RED light, GREEN light! This message will self destruct in 3...2...1

Shadow Wolves are LIVE

Hear the ripples of the water...
See the cranes fly...
Feel the wind...
Spray on your hair...
Get comfortable, get completely nude if that will help, and focus on your inner chi. With three extra dollars and the help of your Senseis, your Shamen, your Medicine men - The Action Boyz, you are now a legit, official, professional Shadow Wolf.

Would you like to recommend a little seen action movie like Robocop to the Action Boyz? Are you curious if Stanger was involved in athletics,...

Rocky IV (1985)

Happy 4th of July ActionBoyz boyz and girlz. The ABZ chose ROCKY IV this week to show their patriotism. After all, this film did end the Cold War. When Rocky refuses to throw in the towel and gets his best friend killed, there's 10 minute music video montage (the entire song is played) with clips from EVERY previous Rocky movie - what's more American than that? Pauly's sex robot, Adrian's snake watch, Rocky's sexy pajamas and his refusal to spar make this the quintessential American film. Sing t...

Executive Decision (1996)

The Boyz made an executive decision to make this week's movie EXECUTIVE DECISION. Like any great action movie that takes place on a cartoonishly big airplane, this one begins with an unsuccessful Special Forces raid on a Chechen Mafia safehouse in Italy. Don't worry - things only get more complicated from there.  Seagal is at the top of his game and Russel is killing it going against type, just don't say his feet stink. Now sit back relax and enjoy your in-flight movie and maybe after we la...

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

BEVERLY HILLS COP this week ActionBoyz  boyz and girlz. What is there to say? This movie is fucking awesome. Eddie Murphy is a goddamn star. Bronson Pinchot is a goddamn star. Judge Reinhold is a goddamn smokeshow. Don't worry the Boyz give it all the credit it deserves by screaming about to each other of over 2 hours. Also just you know the ABZs aren't gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe.

Batman (1989)

"You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" If you're like the ABZ, then that quotes and so many others are permanently burned into your brains. It's BATMAN this week, the one that started them all. Basinger is smoke show, Keaton's amazing, Nicholson is a fucking genius, Wuhl's killing it, Hingle is at the top of his game, Hall couldn't be better, Hootkins is hitting home runs but Michael Gogh as Alfred is fucking pussy. Now, you wanna get nuts?? Come on! Let's get nuts!! 

Anaconda (1997)

They got podcasts out here this big? Hi baby birds, the Action Boyz try to make contact with people of the mist, but it goes horribly wrong! This week’s movie has a tough talking, tall, pony tailed blonde guy in his late 50s, will it remind Gabrus of anyone?

Top Gun (1986)

Happy Memorial Day. This one is for the troops and all you other Action Boyz/Girlz/everythingelsez
Permission to buzz Val Verde.
Permission granted.
May your Memorial Day weekend be full of jetwash, tiny boots and playin’ playin’ with the Boyz

Con Air (1997)

Dear Hummin' Birds. Watch the movie CON AIR, break out the fine china, chill the lemonade and tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree, coz theses Boyz are coming home to their ladies, coming home forever. They just hope they're not a disappointment to Casey or the rest of the Action Boyz Guyz and Girlz....

Red Dawn (1984)

No foreign troops have ever landed on US soil...If they did, what would happen? This week's pic RED DAWN doesn't really answer that question. It does showcase John Milius's strange love of war. You get to see some teenagers become experts in guerrilla warfare in about 6 weeks. Also, you see Powers Booth start a pedophiliac relationship with Leah Thompson - hey it's World War III. Watching this movie can be traumatic but...DON'T CRY!!! Don't you ever cry again as long as you live. 

Demolition Man (1993)

The Action Boyz are talking DEMOLITION MAN this week. No surprises, they get in to all the expected subjects, the three seashells, Taco Bell, sex simulators, nude Stallone, Rob Schneider. Really, this is just a normal episode, nothing fancy. There's not much else to say about this week's episode. 

Sharky's Machine (1981)

The Boyz are taking it back the week with SHARKY'S MACHINE...What does that title mean? Apparently, it's something about the guys who work with Sharky are parts of his machine - it's fucking weird, like this movie. All you need to know is Burt Reynolds is funny as shit, he lets the other actors do whatever they want at the expense of the movie and he does his best to makes sense of two ninja assassins in 1981 Atlanta. Little known fact, Sharky used to live upstairs from the ActionBoyz - one day ...

Double Impact (1991)

Put on your black silk underwear it's time for DOUBLE IMPACT. The Boyz talk you through the insanely complicated plot involving a tunnel to Hong Kong or some shit and JCVD delivers the performance of a lifetime as identical twins Chad and Alex. If you're wondering how these twins who grew up in different parts of the world both have French accents - don't worry all your questions will be answered. Get yourself a lavender gi and know that because of their big legs and karate, the ActionBoyz can d...

Aliens (1986)

Stop your grinning and drop your linen! It's ALIENS this week ActionDudez. Sigourney Weaver as Ripley, Space Marines, facehuggers, chestbursters, cocksuckers and buttfuckers - this movie has it all! Listen to the Boyz heap well deserved praise on this action movie classic (5 stars) - don't worry there's still plenty of talk about how cryo-sleep would make you grow a gigantic bush. Grab you right M41A pulse rifles, 'cause this time it's war. 

The Glimmer Man (1996)

"To the people he hunted for us, he was known as the Glimmer Man. There'd be nothing but jungle, then a glimmer... Then you'd be dead!" Awesome, right?? That is the explanation for the titular character's nickname in this week's pick - GLIMMER MAN. In a weird twist you never see that paid off. Instead it's Segal in peak form - out of shape, playing a non-white character, trying to be funny next to Keenen Ivory Wayans and most of all not glimmering. When this movie tried to give the Boyz the best...

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

The madness is finally over...And the Action Boyz return to the classics in a big way- A big, sword swinging Austrian way. You guessed it, the Boyz honor Crom by solving the riddle of steel that is CONAN THE BARBARIAN. CONAN is filled with graphic violence and weird sex and the Boyz all saw it before they were 8 years old. Maybe that's what helped the ABZ understand what is best in life: to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of the women! 

London Has Fallen (2016)

"Maw-drain" March Movie Madness comes to a thrilling conclusion this week when the ABZ finally take on Gabrus's white whale LONDON HAS FALLEN. For some reason this is a commentary episode, so expect all the trappings: long stretches of silence, each of the three ActionBoyz just describing what's on screen, and one of the guys saying something they'll regret. So stay tuned and don't worry if you hear some dead-air the Boyz will come right back, and if they don't? Then you're fucked. 

John Wick (2014)

"Madreign" March Movie Madness rages on! Anybody ever heard of JOHN WICK? He's the one you send to kill the fucking boogeyman and he's the titular character of this week's movie. It's got everything - dogs, guns, muscle cars, a weird secret society currency involving coins in exchange for services but also regular money's really important too. So join the ABZ at Red Circle, their favorite nightclub and be sure to bring a swim suit 'cause they'll be in one of the basement swimming pools...

Crank (2006)

"Modren" March Movie Madness continues...  The Action Boyz decide to crank things up with this week's pic, uh, well....CRANK. Directors Neveldine and Taylor pull out all the stops - no camera trick is not employed, no angle is not attempted. CRANK is so 2006 that the year really becomes a character in the movie. This might be the only movie so problematic it actually makes the ABZ seem woke. So start listening and remember, "if you stop, you die!" 

The Raid: Redemption (2011)

Well Action Kidz, ask and ye shall receive. To meet your incessant demands and relentless requests the ABZ have initiated MODERN (MARGARINE) MOVIE MARCH MADNESS. For the entire month of March the Boyz will be breaking format and reviewing hits from the 2000s. First up on the list is an obscure title very few action movie enthusiasts have ever heard of, THE RAID: REDEMPTION. Bonus: Stanger unveils his worst song yet. 

Kuffs (1992)

The wait is over! Due to relentless requests from all the  Action Boyz Guyz and Girlz over the past months the ABZs finally put on KUFFS this week as their pick. This movie is not good nor beloved, but you guys wanted it so here it is. The Boyz try to understand the frozen turkey motif, the reason why a 15 year old Mill Jovovich was cast, and why Slater offers no insights or jokes when he talks to camera. Now, if you'll excuse the ABZs they have women to do and places to see - love and kiss...

The Last Dragon (1985)

If you're a true Action Boyz Guy or Girl, you've probably been wondering - "Who is the master?" After watching THE LAST DRAGON, the ABZ have some questions too...Like, how do the cartoonish racial stereotypes somehow work in this movie? What exactly was Eddie Arkaidian strategy for Angela and why was Stanger so moved by her performance. Also, Gabrus couldn't seem to get over Bruce Leroy's brother being in to Vanity for some dumb reason. Playtime's over boyz, kiss our Converse!

F/X (1986)

Finally, the special effects that are so important to every ABZ pick get their own movie! You might even say they are the main character of this week's pick.  F/X is all about fictitious effects from movies you've never heard of in a world where Rocky II exists. Have you ever heard of the "Witness Protection Program"? Or guns shooting blanks?? The plot twists in this movie rely HEAVILY on those being new, exotic concepts. Buckle up Action Babyz for the Bryan Brown, Brian Dennehy action-thri...