Petrification Hotline

“Hello, my name is Jonathan. Thank you for calling the Petrification Hotline. How may I help you?”

“I’m thinking about getting petrified.”

“And you’re not sure how to do it?”

“What? No. I know someone who has a charm. I… I thought you would talk me out of it. Tell me all I have to live for.”

“I can do that. You’re thinking about getting petrified but you’re having second thoughts? Why did you first think petrification was for you?”

“I… Wait. You encourage and discourage petrification?”

“This isn’t a prevention hotline. We answer all possible questions about petrification. If you need help finding a method to become petrified, we can help. If you want to be petrified but are afraid, we can help. If you have a friend trying to talk you into petrification but you aren’t sure, we can help. If you can petrify someone but prefer to only do it to people who want it, we can connect you to volunteers.”

“And do you help people who get petrified turn back to flesh?”

“No. There’s usually not much of a rush once someone is petrified. People who need that service can just use normal means to get information about restoration. Although, if asked, I can give you a website that collects that kind of information.”

“Oh.”

“Now, forget everything else. What do you want help with?”

“I’m not sure now.”

Jonathan let the statement hang.

The caller continued, “Is it true that once turned into a statue, a person’s mind fades?”

“It varies. Most methods of petrification cause the person to fade eventually. Some of them eliminate the conscious mind immediately. Some fade in an hour or a day. Some, it takes years to fade. And there are rare methods where the statue is fully cognizant forever.”

“How is that known?”

“Mental magic. There are rare mental spells that can read the mind of a statue if a mind is still there.”

“How would I find out whether my friend’s charm fades or not or how fast?”

“You’d have to have a qualified Mentalist examine the charm. That’s not a cheap service, I’m sorry to say.”

“Okay. Maybe I won’t use his charm. I have a lot to think about.”

“Hey, my extension is 6483. If you ever call the hotline again, enter that extension and if I’m working, I’ll take your call.”

“Thanks, Jonathon.”

“No problem.”

* * *

“Hello, my name is Jonathan. Thank you for calling the Petrification Hotline. How may I help you?”

“It didn’t work.”

“What didn’t work?”

“I looked right at him and nothing.”

“I’m afraid I’m not following you. Who did you look at?”

“He had a knife. He and three others entered my lair. I have no idea how they found me. I could hear them talking about slaying the monster. I was so afraid. It worked like it always did on his companions. But, then I looked at him and he was still able to try to stab me.”

“Are you a gorgon?”

“Didn’t I mention that?”

“No. I see. Are you saying your gaze didn’t work on this attacker?”

“Yes. I’ve never had this happen before.”

“You were nervous. Could it have been performance anxiety?”

“It’s never happened before!”

“Perhaps he had some magic that would prevent petrification.”

“Magic like that exists?”

“I’m aware of a handful of charms that might work. People generally don’t like testing those kinds of things.”

“They should be outlawed.”

“Should they? Wouldn’t you enjoy being able to spend time with a living friend?”

“I have living friends. We talk over vroom,” she said. “But, if someone has a weapon, I need to know I can stop them in their tracks.”

“I believe there are also some supernatural entities who would be immune to your gaze.”

“I’m aware of that. This was a normal human based on how be bled to death.”

“How did you deal with the man with the knife?”

“I tripped him and then constricted him. His knife pierced his abdomen and he died before I turned him into pulp.”

“Well, I’m sorry you were attacked. Was there anything else?”

“I suppose not. That’s for listening.”

“Call any time. Good day.”

“I will. Good bye.”

* * *

“Hello, my name is Jona—”

“My legs. Oh my god. They’re gray and rough. Oh my god.”

“Ma’am, are you turning to stone right now.”

“Yes. I don’t want to die.”

“Where are you? How fast is the process?”

“It started maybe a minute ago. It’s up to my knees.” She said. She gave an address in a dense, high-traffic part of a city.

“I’ll dispatch a team to your location. I hope they can arrive on time. How did this happen?”

“Eric said he could petrify me. I didn’t think he could.”

“I told you I could,” a soft, distant voice said.

“Put the phone on speaker.”

“Okay.”

“Eric?”

“Yes. Who did she call?”

“The Petrification Hotline. How did you petrify her? It doesn’t sound like you had consent.”

“I had consent. This isn’t my first petrification. We’re in a room with three other statues. Sunny, you said you wanted to be a statue.”

“I thought we were role-playing, you monster.”

“Don’t be like that. Check this out.”

“Oh, fuck, do that again.”

“What’s happening?” Jonathan said.

“More, more,” she said.

“I told her petrification felt really good. I’m touching the stone part of legs and she’s really digging it.”

“Touch me again.”

“Tell the nice man you wanted to be petrified.”

“Yes, yes. He said it felt good. And he lied. It feels amazing.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to be turned into a statue.”

“It might not be,” Eric said. “But, it is consent.”

“Not saying it isn’t,” Jonathan said. “Sunny, do you need any other services from the Petrification Hotline?”

“Um… I still don’t want to die.”

“You’ll feel like this forever.”

“I will?”

“Will she?” Jonathan said.

“Verified by Werther Reynolds himself. I have paperwork from him.”

“He is a reputable mentalist, Ma’am.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks for your help.”

“Eric, a team is still on the way. Have that paperwork ready for them to make a copy of.”

“Not a problem.”

* * *

“Hello, my name is Prudence. Thank you for calling the Petrification Hotline. How may I help you?”

“I couldn’t enter the extension 6483. Sorry.”

“Not a problem. Let me look that up. Oh, it’s Jonathan. Did you want to speak with him? He’s a great counselor.”

“Yes.”

A phone rang on the line. “Jonathon.”

“Hey, Jon. Pru. Someone is asking to speak with you.”

“I’m available. Hello.”

“Hi, Jonathan.”

“I remember this voice. Thanks, Pru.”

“Take care.”

“I don’t think you mentioned your name last time.”

“I didn’t.”

“No pressure.”

“Layla.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“I like it.”

“Have you imagined it chiseled into a pedestal you’re standing on forever?”

“Um…”

“I thought you might have made a decision. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m still not sure.”

“Okay. What do you need to push you one way or the other?”

“You would stop me from getting petrified?”

“If you don’t want to be, of course.”

“What if I want to be?”

“I would help find a way to do so.”

“But, I’m not sure.”

“If I remember correctly, you have a friend with a petrification charm. Is the problem that you aren’t sure of the quality of the charm? I can put you in touch with reputable purveyors of charms so that you can be sure you’ll be happy with the result.”

“Until my mind fades?”

“Well, of course. That’s goes along with most petrification.”

“I should talk to Sherry. She once told me she had a friend who decided to be petrified.”

“There you go. She might have insight into how others will perceive you when you become perfection, immortalized in stone.”

“That makes it sound amazing.”

“Assuming you aren’t left outside and become so weathered you aren’t recognizable any more.”

“That’s… that’s kind of hot, although a little sad, too.”

“Weathering like that usually takes many years. The lack of recognition is usually because anyone who knew you is dead.”

“Or a statue.”

“That’s the spirit,” he said.

“What about breakage?”

“Also, a sad outcome.”

“Not hot either.”

“I guess I’ll talk to Sherry.”

“Maybe she can show you her friend.”

“I didn’t think of that. I’ll ask her. Thanks, Jonathon.”

“Have a good day, Layla.”

* * *

“Hello, my name is Jonathan. Thank you for calling the Petrification Hotline. How may I help you?”

“Hi, Jonathon. It’s Layla.”

“I recognize your voice. More questions?”

“No, I’ve made a decision. So, I guess I won’t be calling any more.”

“That could mean you are or you aren’t going to be petrified.”

“I know.”

“I’ll just add you to the list of people I don’t know the fate or destiny of.”

“You have such a list?”

“I do. The other hotline staff members try to forget the people who call as soon as they can. But, I like to think my knowing the callers makes what they do more meaningful.”

“I will feel better knowing you’ll remember our time talking.”

“Of course. Anything else?”

“No. Good-bye, Jonathon.”

“Farewell, Layla.”