6.14.23 Cats

God gave me cats to teach me how to pray. He’s so perfect, brilliant in His plan. I’ve always been a non-stop person, my mind on the next project while just starting on another one. Add in turbulence in my personal life and I was off the rails; I couldn’t keep a train of thought.

Then God put two perfect (for me) kittens in my lap. Two very different, needy in different ways, kittens. When they first came, they weren’t used to being handled. They lived in an apartment with their mom and the rest of their litter. The foster parents had them in a separate room from them and their own two cats. From being abandoned under a house to being only with other cats in a room, they were a little skeptical of humans.

Then, one day, Freddie (my boy cat) came and sat next to me. I was so still, I didn’t want to move even a flinch because I didn’t want him to go running. Then one day he crawled on top of me and laid on my chest. I laid there for I don’t even know how long, desperately wanting him to remember me as something comfortable and safe to lay on.

How miraculous to be still. How divine to have a living creature choose you.

Freddie has always been needy in that he’ll follow me around and whine for attention… he’s very vocal (and annoying) when I don’t pay attention to him. He taught me how to stop and give love, selfless love. To stop what I’m doing and focus on something, someone else. Cats aren’t people pleasers, they’re not pushovers; you have to treat them well, or else they will  make your life very, very difficult.

Did you know that cats can induce vomit and diarrhea if they’re unhappy? And they’ll often do it in places that will most likely get your attention, like your bedding or beside your coffee maker?

Radio, my girlie, is a lot different. She loves cuddles and attention as much as Freddie, but it took me a long time to understand the way she communicates. A lot of times she’ll roll around on her back and meow to be pet, but as soon as you approach or touch her, she runs. For years I just assumed she was trying to get away. Finally, I realized she’s trying to take me somewhere she feels more safe and comfortable. Today she took me all throughout my house (rubbing her cheeks and leaving her scent on as many corners and items as possible on the way) before leading me upstairs to her favorite spot on the balcony.

I feel sad sometimes thinking about how long I neglected her simply because I gave up when she pulled away. But when I thought she was pulling away, she was actually trying to bring me closer to her. She’s not as vocal and demanding as Freddie is; she’s defensive toward him. When they were kittens, she loved to play so much more than him. She’d tackle him and they’d REALLY go at it. As they got older, Freddie doubled her in size, but Freddie doesn’t know that. She, looking at him and being pummeled by him, does. She hisses when he approaches her, even to just grab a sniff or cuddle. She swats at him incessantly. She can’t let her guard down unless she knows he’s outside or somewhere else.

But when he’s not around? She jumps, she rolls, she gallops… she’s adorable.

I’m so grateful for them and their dynamic, our dynamic. I believe God used them not only to slow me down, to learn how to give and receive love, to practice patience and routine– but to show me that different people have different needs. You have to thoughtfully pay attention, take time out to notice how to care for each individual. If we’re cuddling and I pick up my phone, they run. They truly demand my undivided attention, or else our relationship strains.  

I believe God gave them to me to prepare me to be a mother. Neglected children may fall into themselves, lock themselves in their rooms, internalize things. Without this experience, I may have continued in my distracted, overworking ways. If one child demands more attention, the other may feel less loved. They showed me how to meet others where they’re at, to hear the unspoken, to give my undivided attention.

I’m so grateful to my little furry teachers, and I am SO grateful to God. He is so good. He is so loving. He is a teacher, a provider, a Father, a friend. He cares so much.

I love you, God :) Thanks for being here. Thanks for my companions when I needed them the most.