A shortish update ramble about health, trying to cope.

Hello everyone, as always I hope you've been doing well, I meant to start doing something this month, which technically I did, computer got delayed a bit but I should have that up and running within a week or so, that's kind of a thing I did, I've mostly just been dealing with the symptoms of parkinsons, my understanding of which I was basing on my mothers symptoms but apparently everyone is effected differently, which is both special, and really stupid, also learned that anxiety and stress will make your symptoms worse, and I am anxiety 24/7, every morning I wake up violently shaking from a combination of a panic attack and parkinsons, the tremors have reached my vocal cords, which is something to be super self conscious about because it's like being out of breathe while trying to speak.

I know this is rambling, none of this is really video related, mind has been racing a lot more lately, thinking about mortality, when will the dementia come for me too, it's all a lot to cope with, I guess, and maybe it's normal to be a wreck about this kind of situation, and not really know what, or how to go about your next actions, but I really wanted to just brush it off, and do stuff, and not let you all down, which is what I know I'm doing, I should make videos and stream cause I'm internet person, that's what you're supposed to do, and you've all been really supportive while I've tried figuring out and fixing what's wrong with me, or trying to, but there's no cure for parkinsons, all I can do is mitigate symptoms but I'm still relatively early in that process so I'm just captain shakey atm.

As soon as I can return in some form, a stream probably within the next few weeks, I will, videos might take a bit longer because of vocal issues, cross that bridge I guess, and I'm sorry for not handling this well, again maybe that's normal I wouldn't be able to tell you cause I'm not, if you could let me know that'd be great cause I have no idea :'3. Regardless, thank you all for sticking by me, I just hope I'm able to get my shit together enough to where I can make a video again that you all enjoy, and doesn't expose my parkinsions symptoms too much, and that I can look at and at least say "well, I don't hate this violent shaking" and I hope it's sooner rather than later, got to take this one day at a time I guess. I love you all, thank you for your understanding<3