Weetabix Gutastrophe!

I had an extra large breakfast on Saturday and knew I was going to suffer as a result so I kept an account if the event to share with you! there will be video clips and - hopefully - a moving announcement by the end of this week too 💙

thank you so much for all your support! 🥰  now, on with the tummy trouble.....

8:00 - had breakfast. Was so hungry that even before having my usual 2 weetabix I was intending to have an extra one. Even my usual 2 weetabix gives me stomach trouble, I digest them very loudly and fiercely and often feel and hear them churning around inside me for hours afterwards. A few times I’ve had an extra weetabix and end up with a fibre tummy ache. But I was so hungry this morning that even before o;d eaten my first 2 I started thinking about eating 4.

And after my first 2 I decided to do just that so I ate two more, even though my stomach was kicking off halfway through the third one. After finishing all 4 I was feeling nicely bloated and noisy but I started thinking about having another one and as soon as I voiced my guilty temptation to Luce she pounced upon that and told me I had to do it!

By now I’d also drunk most of the milk so I had to pour a fresh bowl and ate another weetabix. By the end of ‘bix number 5 my stomach was churning violently, I could feel movement and aching in my gut that felt different to anything I’d ever really felt before and I was letting out deep, thick belches but yet I.... still felt hungry and couldn’t stop thinking about just...one... more.

So I told Lucy what I was tempted to do, knowing she would push me into it and soon I had ‘bix number 6 in my bowl which I ate with no problem. This is kind of weird for me, my main issue is taste fatigue. I get bored after a certain amount of all the same taste and eat more if I mix things up but I didn’t get bored of it this time!

By now my stomach felt hard and full to the touch, there wasn’t much give to it and I could feel bubbling and churning going on in there. I did feel like I could have eaten another one actually, but I have never eaten this many before - usually I eat 2, I’ll occasionally have a 3rd and suffer for it. I think I ate 4 once - but today i’ve eaten three times as many as my usual breakfast and if I survive today then maybe next time I wake with an insatiable appetite I’ll squeeze in a 7th and 8th!

By 8.15 I’d finished eating and had a huge stomach ache, plus a huge stomach. I was bloated up all round and my gut turned much quieter as though there wasn’t room for anything to move. It felt like my stomach was constantly squeezing, squeezing, squeezing but the mass of fibrous cereal in my gut was stopping it from working

Lucy gave me the best tummy rub I’ve ever felt as I sprawled oit in front of her, belly on display, slightly food coma-ish. Her HD’s moc]fed firmly and swiftly around my aching stomach, concentrating where the mass of cereal sat. As she rubbed I found feel the contents of my stomach in a way i’ve never really felt before, like I could really feel the mass of cereal say inside of me. I could feel her fingers kneading into it, and god it felt fucking fantastic!

She rubbed me hard for ten minutes and gave me the most amazing set of sensations in my abdomen! Then she pressed her fingers into the ball of my bloated stomach, pressed them down hard and barked at it ‘get digesting, get digesting!’ I was so overcome, you don’t even wanna know the very physical response I had to that!!!

So now it’s 8.38 and I’m sitting here with a bloated ball of a gut, waiting to see what happens next and I wanted to keep a record of this adventure for you all. I have such a heavy feeling in my belly, like there’s a bowling ball sat inside me, and I can feel some violent movements starting on my left hand side. I think the cereal is going to start it’s journey through me soon and I’m actually a little nervous - I don’t eat anywhere as much fibre as I should so when I eat even 2 weetabix it cuts me up something crazy! This is going to put me through some sort of nightmare!

8.40 - very violent bubbling and urgent cramps starting. I can feel myself bloating up more and I can feel gas bubbling inside of me. It just seems to be multiplying exponentially right now and I can feel the pressure building all the time. Had a couple of very violent shifts and done a lot of burping. I’ve already farted a couple of times but I think they were from gas that was stuck inside me overnight that my digestive system is moving along to clear the way.

8.45 - had a really nasty gassy cramp and an ominous bubbling noise came from inside of me, then I felt enormous pressure low down and three long, bubbly farts forced their way out of me one after another. Is this too early for the weetabix to be kicking in? Was i already that gassy??

Wait, another bubble is lining up at my ass....

8.48 - tried to bend forward and had a huge gas pain run through my gut. Urgghhhh so many cramps! Oh my god, the gas has suddenly become unbearable, very very fast! Oh my god, why was I such a pig?? I’m going to suffer so much for this! The noises are low and ominous, like a storm brewing.

8.55 - listened to my gut with my stethoscope and my god, it sounds so foamy in there!! I have never actually heard it sound quite like this, it’s insane! And the bubbles are moving downward, I’m feeling the need to fart every minute or so, is this really the cereal so fast? Oh my god, after the move I need to make a video of this!!!

9.30 - over the last half hour I’ve had so much discomfort in my bowels, they feel like they’re being blown up with a bicycle pump and every few minutes I’m letting loose with increasingly bubbly farts. Everything from my stomach right down to my ass feels busy and bloated, my belly is so dissented and it sounds like a drum when you tap on it!

10:14 - after a lot of bubbling, bloating and farting I felt sudden urgent need to go to the toilet. Have been a little constipated for a few days and suddenly everything moved! Long, gassy, crappy time on the toilet, my insides felt like someone had squeezed them violently, and Lucy taunted me about the noisy emissions from my backside! I sat on the toilet for twenty minutes, groaning, gurgling, feeling my bowels churn the whole time. This was followed by a retreat to the bed where I lay, curled up and farting while Lucy teased me softly about what I’d done to myself!

10:45 - second urgent need to rush to the toilet, this time everything was a lot softer and came out in a really urgent rush with lots of bubbly gas. I just barely made it too, those weetabix were very insistent! I doubled over as the gassy cramps tore me up inside over and over again, and every time I thought I was finished I had to go some more. I was on the toilet for the best part of an hour this time. I swear I hadn’t eaten that much all year, let alone this morning! It was the violent movement inside of me I couldn’t believe though. That mass of fibre really made itself known as it tore its way through my entire digestive system in record time!

After that I felt kind of weak, washed out and sore. I crashed out on the bed and begged another rub from Lucy who obliged and coaxed a little of extra farts out of me. My stomach looked a lot flatter and felt soooo much better at first but it continued  to make and fill with gas all day and I was round and uncomfortable for most of the weekend, even when Sunday arrived I sat up in bed and let out a massive stream of farts from my flatulent rear end. They were a little smelly too, which is kind of unusual for me!

We’re going to be moving in 2 weeks and after we’re settled I’d be happy to repeat this experiment with more weetabix and recording all the results if anyone is interested!