early access: if taylor swift was in the 1830s
Added 2024-06-24 16:00:08 +0000 UTC
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Hang in there. Sometimes our neural pathways lead us the wrong direction way. Some seasons of life are tougher than others. Those tough seasons gives us character and are temporary. I have found giving to others is one of the most rewarding things. Sometimes little positive things are all you need to keep the right mindset, but you need to open to seeing it. Focusing on the good creates powerful mindset that we need to exercise and work at. Keep on working on it and it gets easier, but there will always be setbacks.
Peaches
2024-07-09 13:39:59 +0000 UTCHey Anna....buddy? ๐ฅบ I just wanted to tell you how much positive impact you left on me with last week's video on talking to a suicidal person and how beneficial your content in general is to my mental health while going into details about my own traumatic experiences. Are you wiling to read it all? Here goes.... This video really spoke to me and made me feel loved and protected because I myself have been struggling with depressive and suicidal thoughts ever since I was 13 years old and it's only gotten much worse now that I'm older. You really explained how to handle the approach perfectly and I can't thank you enough for once again bravely tackling suicide especially as you're someone who lost her own sister to it. I just wanted to give you the biggest hug through the phone screen because it means so much to me having someone I view as a protective friendly big sister advocate for suicide prevention when I myself was contemplating it all my life until I met you... You were also so informally and uniquely dressed like a professional businesswoman for that video which was an amazing touch. โฅ I suppose it's time I open up to you about my own experiences with suicide and depression.... It all started in December 2014 when I was moping and crying daily to my mom over being homeschooled and confined indoors 24/7 living in isolation with no friends or convenient means of connecting with my peers.... It hurt even more because my two older sisters got to attend public school and have a very active friend circle and social life with more freedom than I could ever have dreamed of, which I very much idolized and envied as a miserable autistic 8-year-old who was always bullied for his peculiarities and deviations and had no friends. ๐ I was told I'd get there when I got to be their age, but this proved to be a lie... I always asked nicely if she could at least consider signing me up for classes or events to make friends with children on my developmental wavelength and she always slept on it because working nights and coming home in the morning was so stressful and she didn't want anymore stress by having to enroll me in any sort of social environment. No matter how much I wrote how hurtful it was to have no friends, she never sympathized with me and just forced me to cope with it because she also grew up without friends. Whenever I DID go outside I never seized the opportunity to make friends because either I never found any kids around my age, and whatever few I did their displayed behavior looked too intimidating for me to even want to befriend them, or I didn't want to seem weird or bothersome by randomly approaching them as a stranger attempting to start a friendship. Anyway, this combined with being confined indoors all day with my insufferable older sisters who always dehumanized me by patronizing, sidelining, and talking down to me simply for being the youngest in the family was making me cry for so long daily that eventually my dopamine went out like a dead light bulb and all the activities that previously brought me joy no longer did and couldn't be used as an escapism anymore, and I eventually considered suicide as an escape to all my suffering with the hopeless notion that things would never get better. ๐ I was previously a happy well-adjusted boy who didn't let the past affect him for too long and could always shake off whatever problems with a song or TV viewing to cheer up. But that all changed on one fateful day when I suddenly noticed these outlets not doing the trick anymore. It was even worse for me at this age because I'm autistic. And because I was entering my teen years it was (and still is) extremely difficult for me to throw away my childhood and face the harsh realities of the world and adapt to my peers' maturing interests, especially with how abrupt the transition is after being confined in the innocent world of childhood your whole life. It's even more aggravating because I wasn't reminded I was autistic until this very age at 13 and all my peculiarities had been brushed off as "normal kids behavior" up until that very point and it was so shocking being struck with that abrupt reality. I was never a teenager in the way generally expected or perceived which made me an easy target for having my generosity and delicacy taken advantage of by my more "mature" peers, because I always vehemently avoided risky activities I know I'm not supposed to do and I'd be labeled a coward for refusing while being lied to about how doing that stuff would make me appear more masculine or "cool". The mere concept of teenagehood as a time of evolutionary growth and experimentation in young people always makes me feel squeamish and distraught just talking about it because of how negatively it affected me as an autistic kid who just couldn't let go of his childhood and still wanted to play action figures and pretend games with his friends. I'd very often "play school" with imaginary friends while isolating and talking to myself in my room using whatever objects/spaces I could substitute for the bus, classes, activities, etc. I can definitely relate to your poor little sister because I too started feeling suicidal at 13 due to being heavily bullied for my learning disabilities/special needs, and I myself also got expelled (from 3 different schools) for acting violent against bullies to defend myself. Your music video Against the Darkness really tugs at my heartstrings because it reminds us all of the childhood innocence we lost for various reasons. The footage of the pool ball with the number 13 (often considered unlucky) up close just breaks my heart because of how much turmoil losing my childhood to society's expectations brought for me at this age. It gave me the idea of my own music video in my head of a young boy at 13 who's perpetually outcast by his peers for preferring "playing" over "hanging out" and rejected by society in general, with footage of all the things that made me cry being told I was too old for and visual shifts of innocent childhood pastimes and symbols transitioning into their "mature" adult/teen-oriented counterpart as the little boy cries and runs away into his own world. I'm 22 now (turning 23 in August) and my depression hasn't gone away at all and has in fact gotten worse. HOWEVER, ever since I discovered you Anna, you have been such a lifesaver and massive inspiration to me, and I view you as the perfect big sister figure I can always go to in my darkest hours. I feel protected in your loving arms just imagining you as my big sister always comforting me and playing with me like I'm your little baby brother and role-playing/pretend play as Sasha or Gloria. It's actually really healing. โฅ Also as an autistic one of my notable symptoms is outbursts and temper tantrums when things don't go my way or I feel like nothing good ever happens in my life, especially when something I really wanted and was highly expecting is revoked at the very last minute and irretrievable. And the only thing that calms me down during those moments is a comfort object or person.... I view you as my ultimate source of comfort in my crises Anna. โฅ Whenever I'm sad, down, angry, hurt, scared, or at my most vulnerable being taken over by my demons, I always calm myself down by crawling into a blanket and cuddling my pillow, closing my eyes and pretending you're there comforting me with all the hugs, cuddles, and big sisterly protection you can provide to heal my boo-boos. And it ALWAYS works as I feel a massive dopamine rise as the gloomy and dark rainy day I was suffering dissipates and I feel good as new. ๐ค It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside imagining you keeping me company and cheering me up in my darkest hours by rocking me back and forth, ruffling my hair, patting my back, singing to me or reading me bedtime stories, distracting me with your pretty nails or a silly Sasha/Gloria face, and just calming me down reminding me everything will be okay. ๐๐ฅฐโบ๏ธ๐คโค๏ธ I hope one day I get to meet you in person and just give you the tightest hug in the world for as long as I want and cry all my tears onto you to express how extremely grateful I am to have met such a literal lifesaver. You may be a Heartstomper as Sasha, but as Anna you're a Hearthealer. โฅ Getting to meet you in person would mean the world to me and I want this beautiful moment to involve the two of us working together and helping each other, sharing (maybe splitting a healthy snack in half or something), highlighting the things we both have in common, and most importantly..... making new friends. ๐ฅน "Brush the dirt off and make some friends! It's no big deal!" Anne and Marcy are so right! After we've fallen into the ground and feel like we're at our lowest point, we just gotta brush the dirt off our clothes and find some friends to help us through our tough times, even if they feel the most unexpected. You never know how useful those friendships can be once the differences are set aside.... Anne certainly learned that with the Plantars! When she first met Sprig and his family, she knew there was no way she could bear living with those slimy frogs. But by the end of the show saying goodbye to them was the hardest challenge of her life... I feel like the same can definitely apply to real life friendships, especially between idols and fans; those two titles come first in professional conversations but deep down they don't preclude friendship. โฅ Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so SO MUCH for saving my life and being a suicide prevention advocate Anna. You helped me out of a near decade of pitiful darkness and I could never repay you enough. Even though I haven't been with you anywhere near as long as your other followers, I think having discovered you from a Disney cartoon makes my admiration of you even more wholesome because it reminds us all of the inner child we have at the end of the day. โฅ
Nathan B
2024-06-24 16:09:52 +0000 UTC
