Naruto: Freeloading is Great! 2 [21]

Negotiations require both sides to have bargaining chips—otherwise, it’s not a negotiation at all.

The enemy ninja's bargaining chip, without question, was his strength.

As for Hoshino’s bargaining chip…

“All you have to do is hurry up and get this pervert away from me, and stop him from assaulting my eyes and ears with disgusting words. If you do that, I'll not only declare him ‘not dead,’ I'll even let all of you go free.”

Hoshino really didn't know whether he should feel happy about this—his chip turned out to be taking Gorilla Sakura, the pervert, away.

Clearly, this teacher was terrified that Gorilla Sakura would latch onto him, begging to be punished.

…What the hell, suddenly he didn't feel like living anymore; maybe he should just heroically die right here.

“Hey, hey, hey… brat, what are you hesitating about? This is the final level, you know? Once you pass it, you'll reach the summit! Don't hesitate now!”

“Yeah, Captain, what's holding you up? Didn't we come here to retrieve our teammate's corpse? Now we can not only revive Gorilla on the spot, but also directly clear the level.”

Both the teacher and Naruto were urging Hoshino, but what kind of person was Hoshino?

Not an ordinary person, that’s for sure—he was someone who loved building his happiness atop other people's misery, a shameless bastard.

“But I really don't feel like agreeing. If I agree… wouldn't I lose out on a fascinating movie I could watch practically forever? A perverted student persistently begging a certain teacher to whip him, all the way until graduation… This campus drama would be so entertaining. I really want to know whether the teacher's reputation will collapse under bizarre rumors, plunging him into darkness, or if he'll just succumb and become another pervert himself.”

“Did I do something to offend you!? Really, please just spare me! I’m begging you!”

“Hoshino, it seems like Gorilla awakened your sadistic streak. Your personality was already twisted enough; stop this before you evolve into a super-pervert too!”

In the end, Hoshino reluctantly agreed to take away the freshly resurrected Gorilla Sakura.

He had no choice; Naruto’s words had hit too close to home.

No matter what, Hoshino definitely didn't want to evolve into an ultimate pervert like Gorilla Sakura.

Although being sadistic wasn't as weird as being masochistic, in the end it still fell squarely in the perverted category.

“You agreed? Darling, how could you agree… Nooo, I can't accept such kindness! I want wax-dripping, whipping, humiliation… any kind of punishment is fine! Don't treat me so well—I refuse!!”

Gorilla Sakura looked utterly crushed by this outcome.

“Motherfucker, haven't I told you to stop calling me darling?! Are you deaf!?”

“Oh-ho! A kick straight to my head like a soccer ball—good, very good~! As expected of my darling, attacking me without hesitation while I’m defenseless—perfect~! Again… come on, punish me again~! Ahhh~!”

...

On the mountain summit where Iruka-sensei stood, the third team finally appeared.

Apart from Uchiha and Hyūga, who'd been let through easily, Iruka never imagined anyone else from his class could reach the top—and certainly not…

“You two dead-last slackers actually made it here? Is the world coming to an end?!”

“…What do you mean ‘actually’? You backdoor-jobbing trash teacher, you dare look down on a great captain like me?”

“Cough, yeah, I actually do… By the way, who's that barely recognizable monster behind you?”

Facing Iruka’s question, Hoshino just shrugged. Before he could reply, Naruto immediately pointed at Gorilla Sakura and shouted:

“I know, Sensei! I’ll tell you! This monster is Haruno Sakura. He pissed off Hoshino so badly that Hoshino said, ‘Fine, you masochistic bastard, if you wanna get beaten up so badly, I’ll oblige,’ and then kicked him so hard he ended up like this!”

“…Ha, haha… Is that so. Well, congratulations on reaching the summit. You can go back down now.”

Hoshino felt strange, seeing Iruka’s eyes looking at him with something like pity.

Why would they be pitied after successfully reaching the summit? Based on everything he knew about this garbage school…

…There was absolutely a ten-thousand-percent chance something was fishy.

“What are you spacing out for, Hoshino? Let's hurry back. My skirt’s been drafty this whole trip, and the breeze has been tickling me nonstop. I wanna get home quick and put on some pantsu!”

Speechless, Hoshino shot the idiot Naruto a disgusted look.

It was bad enough that this fool was stupid, but now he’d even been corrupted by the perverted Gorilla, openly talking about wanting to wear pantsu. Normal people would say underwear!

Ugh, why were all the people around him perverts? He suddenly missed his old world.

“No hurry. Just keep your perverted urges in check for a bit longer. We'll go down together with Walking Wallet in a bit.”

“But didn't the rules say two teams can’t work together? How can we go down together?”

“The test is over, dumbass—why couldn’t we go down together? What, you don’t want to be with your beloved Walking Wallet?”

“I do!”

Satisfied with Naruto’s enthusiastic reply, Hoshino walked directly toward Sasuke.

They'd already seen Sasuke from the moment they reached the summit.

Hoshino and Naruto had been about to greet Sasuke earlier, but Iruka had interrupted first.

As for why Sasuke appeared here, Hoshino fully understood.

That Gaylord Walking Wallet was always “Gayzing” at him, and Naruto—Sasuke’s personal outlet—was also here, so it wasn't strange at all that Sasuke would wait for them to go down together.

Thinking about it carefully was genuinely depressing.

He’d purposely chosen Gorilla Sakura over Sasuke because he didn’t want to see Naruto and Sasuke force-feed him dog food PDA, nor give Sasuke another chance to try assaulting his flower.

And the result?

Gorilla Sakura, this cute little girl, turned out to be a buff boy—and an even bigger Gaylord pervert than Sasuke.

On top of that, his strength, looks, and personality were all worse than Walking Wallet’s, and the key point was that he was even more perverted.

…Motherfucker, a complete and utter loss!

“Why was I so stupid? Instead of choosing Sasuke, who's less perverted, smarter, stronger, and would've given me a smooth trip uphill, I ended up picking you, a muscle-headed gorilla.”

“Ah… Darling, how could you suddenly say such hurtful words without even giving me time to brace myself? But… those contemptuous eyes, words insulting my dignity… Wonderful~!”

“Wonderful my ass! Get lost!”

The more Hoshino looked at Gorilla Sakura’s excited face, the angrier he got, finally sending him flying with a brutal kick.

Ignoring the gorilla, who was now moaning “Aaah, bliss~!” as he soared, Hoshino approached the true big thigh who’d always stuck by him.

Now… was the time to put on a show!

Without any warning, just as Sasuke was about to ask how they’d managed to get here, Hoshino threw himself into her arms.

“Walking Wallet—! I missed you so much! It’s been such torture this whole trip! There are clearly two chosen ones on my team—I should’ve been riding their coattails, but instead… instead I ended up being the one carrying those two useless idiots on my back! Walking Wallet, I need you. In the end, you’re the only reliable one!”

---

T/N: Walking Wallet returns!

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!