Chap 47 A Soldiers Life posted
Added 2023-08-04 01:28:14 +0000 UTClet me know if this reveal is too big - too fast (at end of chapter). i can change the ending of the chapter and pull it.
I had a long day in the sun working so got writing really late today. Starting on Starship now
Comments
I will try to rewrite it to draw it out a little more. I want Damocles's Sword hanging at the end of the chapter, though. I want him to know that she knows. But I can definitely give more character time to Castile talking with Eryk and showing some of her savvy. If it is ok with you I will use some of your text above.
Erick Thiemke
2023-08-05 17:54:58 +0000 UTCI think a little more lead in on the conversation might work well. Castile is canny and seems to be an experienced politician regardless of what she wants to do with 95% of her life. She's got things to do as well, but starting the conversation with ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Eryk, I bet you feel conflicted about all this. A foreigner, fighting other foreigners for the benefit of a country you don't want to be in?" Eryk paused a moment to consider his answer. "I'm in the Legion ma'am. I might not like being in a siege, but no one likes the hard parts of their job." The smaller woman grunted in acknowledgement. Clearly not invested in what he had to say. There was a pause in the conversation. The moment breathed and an unseasonably cool wind played over the ramparts bringing scents of the nearby swampland before she continued with soft deliberation. "You should get comfortable with it. That's life in the Legion, the Telhian Empire and Desia as a whole. The sooner you get used to things the better, because no matter what happens here, I can assure you, you're not going back." Castile shifted her weight and stopped scanning the horizon to look at him directly; staring up at him and yet somehow seeming to look down with the weight of her presence. The shift in attention made him immediately stand up straight and his heart to quicken as he saw the predatory glint in the commander's eyes. "Do you understand me Eryk? You might not have chosen to come here, but you're here now. Under my command. I see you for what you are. One day soon we will have a talk, you and I." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I feel like having a little ambiguity there where she's applying pressure but it isn't explicit makes her seem a little more intense and a better strategist rather than dropping the bomb and walking off. There could be very specific character reasons for her not doing that though that I'm not aware of.
Valderan
2023-08-05 17:24:31 +0000 UTCI definitely feel that she just strongly suspects him rather than being 100% sure. You're right. He's done a crap job of his cover through only partial fault of his own. Tough to research a country you've never been to without the internet. However, whether intentionally or not, he's been scrupulous about not revealing outworlder knowledge. Turns of phrase not withstanding he hasn't revealed his relatively excellent math skills, perspective on how much population should be in a city, roman history, etc. He's actually been really respectful of local knowledge base and going with the flow until he can get his feet under him. Probably not enough to pass muster. A country with multiple warfronts, with a class structure as divided as we've seen has people that are paranoid as f__k. Even as a foreigner he is weird. Castile's commentary about doing everything she can to control her own fate and not being free might be foreshadowing to them setting up a mutual alliance. That being said, we don't really know how Castile is tied to the Empire. Her mother is alive at least but maybe all mages get hooked up with suicide collars or something? "Can't refuse an order from the Emperor or a duke" seems quite firm. That isn't to say she's loyalist. She has two praetorians in her group and exhibits a strong independent streak. So I think she's probably working some plan and doesn't see the harm in "adding pressure" to our guy to see if he pops. If he does, she knows and she also knows that he's too flaky to conspire with and she can happily hand him over to the Emperor for his morning meal... almost certain that's why outworlders haven't been heard from since this one got into power.
Valderan
2023-08-05 17:13:51 +0000 UTCI don't think it was partially spoilery. There's so many ways he could have given himself away, but asking questions about outworlders was probably a huge one. Likewise, he's saying that he's from a kingdom he knows nothing about - so many ways to out himself. Ordinary soldiers may know nothing about that place, but someone with wider experience of the world may have been there or had regular dealing with people from there. So they would immediately know that he wasn't from there. The only way forward for him seems to be getting portal magic right away and escaping or being even more tied to Castile and forming an alliance of sorts with her.
Chong Go
2023-08-04 15:13:12 +0000 UTC
