Shopping for a Dragon Script

I got inspiration from this one from a "Shopping for a Yandere" Video which was just as strange as it sounds, but it did give me the idea for this script. I had a bit of a hard time with the background sound effects, but the script was easy. 

Shopping for a Dragon 

Sounds needed:

~Door

Welcome to Dragon Express, yes our Scarlet Smokes are back for a limited time only, how may I help you today.

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Looking for a dragon, really, wow. I thought you came here for a lizard. Dragons, dragons, what kind of dragon did you have in mind?

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Ok, did you have a specific purpose for your dragon? A bodyguard, a companion, transportation etcetera.

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All of the above you guess, wow you’re very decisive aren’t you.

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Alright, here is a massive stack of paperwork for you to sign on the dotted line right there. It’s a pill to read so I’ll summarize. Basically, it means that while I take you back to the habitats, you promise not to try and pet, cuddle, free or otherwise release the dragons. If you attempt to do so, I sure as anything won’t stop you, because I sure as anything don’t get paid enough. And if you get eaten, that’s all on you.

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So, sign right there? And initials here. This states that if a dragon gets attached to you and breaks out to follow you home, we are not held responsible. Also sign here, which states that if you try to feed the dragons and they adopt you as their child and/or parental figure, we are not responsible for any attempts the dragons make to care for you and/or be cared for by you.

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Perfect. Thank you so much. Now, let me just plug you into the system.

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Full name please?

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Ahuh, and phone number?

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Ok, social security number?

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We need that so we can run a background check on you. What kind of establishment would we be if we ran around letting anyone adopt a dragon? We’d have criminal masterminds running around on fire-breathing weapons, and psyches abusing their dragons to use them as weapons. And we can’t have that. Also, we refuse to let any kind of scientist adopt a dragon. We’ve had way too many unfortunate experiences with them in the past, as I’m sure you can imagine. So, social security number please?

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Thank you. Now an address will appear on the screen to my right, is that your current address? If not, you can change it by selecting that feature right there.

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Excellent, thank you. Are you currently on any drugs?

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Are you planning on taking any drugs in the next couple hours?

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Are you planning on giving any dragons any drugs?

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Fun times. Honestly, if you did, I don’t get paid enough to deal with it.

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Do you have any prior experience with dragons? Watching How to Train Your Dragon does not count.

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Fine, fine, fine. That is all well and good. And I believe that is all for now. Of course, there will be a lot more paperwork should you decide to adopt today, but we can work all that out and cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, would you like me to take you back to the habitats?

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Wonderful. Right this way.

~ security doors

We take security very seriously around here. We have to for the health and safety inspectors, I’m sure you understand. Still, the dragons are smart enough to break out if they want to. Lucky for us, most of the time they don’t want to. They’re perfectly happy chilling here in their nice cozy habitats while we feed them food and wait to be adopted by some loving family.

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Here's our first stop, the forest habitat. As you can see, we pride ourselves in creating a safe and natural environment for the forest dragons. Most of these dragons use camaflouge to blend in, so if I press this button and drop some food into the cage… there we go. I’ll introduce the dragons, but keep in mind you can change their names at any time. Except for Jalleio, he’s very attached to his name for some reason. Anyway, From left to right, that’s Franklin, he’s our resident log dragon. Does nothing but lay around all day, but he’s warm and an excellent cuddling companion, and he eats spiders and other insects, so he’s sure to keep your home bug-free. Next to him is Loki, our aptly named ivy dragon. Playful, full of life, always ready to play and a massive escape artist. It would be better for him to have a large space to run around. That’s Silence. She’s our most mysterious dragon.

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I can’t describe it. She just. gets in your head. Not in a bad way or anything. She just knows things. Anyway, the big lump in the back is Jalleio. Loveable, huggable, basically a puppy that can breathe fire. And that is it for our forest dragons. If you’ll follow me this way…

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Here is our river and ocean habitats. As you can see, we split the tank into two sections, one freshwater and one saltwater. If you adopt either of these dragons, you will need to either provide a natural body of water for them to swim in, or a tank of at least six thousand gallons. That green one there in the ocean tank is Majesty. She’s stand-offish and can be aggressive at first, but that’s because she’s had some bad experiences with humans in the past. We’ve rehabilitated her here and she’s ready for a home, but you’d need to take it slow and give her a lot of space. Swimming with her is Coral, our appropriately named Reef dragon. She likes shiny things, brightly colored things and caves, so you’d need to adjust a tank to fit her needs. She also is extremely intelligent and requires a lot of stimuli throughout the day. The big old guy in the river tank is Hank. Yeah, him, the guy that looks like an alligator. He’s seven hundred years old, which is extremely old for his species, and spends all day on the bottom of his tank just chilling. He is fun at parties, though. And the other river dragon is Valcran. He likes hunting and fishing. Super-fast, super athletic, kind of a Chad if I’m honest. But if you like fishing, he’ll totally herd schools of fish to your hook.

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If you’ll follow me this way to our underground habitat, here are our cave and burrow dragons. Macy is that little one right there, you see where her burrow comes up against the glass? She’s been with us for many years, people keep returning her because she digs up their yards. She means well, but she loves to dig holes and people tend to walk in them. That’s her mate Clover. Wev’re trying to get them a home together. And finally, they’re little daughter Penny. Super snuggly, loves everything about life, but is a super picky eater. She’s also very into classical music for some reason, if you like that.

In the cave here are the three brothers Stoney, Boulders, and Drip. They’re all stalactite dragons and haven’t moved in a couple hundred years. I’m pretty sure they’re imbedded in the stone at this point. If you want to adopt them to guard your caves, if you’re planning on hiding treasure in a cave somewhere, you’ll have to convince them to chip themselves free, which will be no easy task.

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And finally in this row of pens, we have our usual dragons. The fire-breathing kind with four legs and two wings, nothing out of the ordinary. No special needs, no special habitats. These ones are primarily used as transportation or companions. Feel free to look around if you’d like. Just don’t get too close to the cages?

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Alright, have a look around. I’ll be up at the front desk if you need any help.

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Pause, sound effects.

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Oh, wonderful, it’s you again. Have you picked one?

Yeah?

Which one?

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Are you sure? Totally completely one hundred percent sure? Taking on a dragon is no easy business.

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Alright, then I have some more paperwork for you to sign.

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Ok repeat after me. I, state your name or what you’re called

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Will care for my dragon to the best of my ability until I die, or my dragon dies whichever comes first

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I, state your name, will provide my dragon with all the loving care and attention he, she, or it requires.

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I will never, under any circumstances, abuse or neglect my dragon in any way.

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I will not sue Dragon Express for any damages caused by my dragon.

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Alright, if you’ll sign this sheet right here, and initial there. Will you be needing any supplies for your dragon? Food, a bed, some toys? A couple of them will even let you put cute clothes on them. Others will burn the clothes on sight. It depends on the dragon.

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Everything you might need is in our online store. We can deliver anything you want to your doorstep within twenty-four hours. If your dragon gets particularly fussy, I would recommend our sheep treats. It’s a Live sheep. They love it. Though, those can get a little messy sometimes. But that’s for you to decide, not me.

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Well, if that’s all. Congratulations, you’ve adopted a dragon. Would you like your dragon delivered to you, or would you like to take them home with you today?

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Sounds good. I’ll make the arrangements for you. I hope you and your dragon are very happy together.

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Have a wonderful day.