How To Move On From A Relationship Without Closure

If you believe that you can not heal without receiving closure from someone outside of you, then you have put your healing in someone else’s hands.

How is that an empowering belief? And if it’s not an empowering belief, why would you carry it with you?⁣⁣⁣

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Remember, acceptance doesn’t mean you get what you want, desire, or fancy the situation that you are in, it just means that you are not going to waste your time trying to change the unchangeable.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Moving on involves surrendering to the unknown and being okay with some unsolved puzzles. You don’t need to know everything in order to move on.⁣⁣⁣⁣

It can be extremely painful when someone ends things with without offering us the closure you want. 

Your mind is a narrative constructing machine that does not respond well to uncertainty and ambiguity. 

As humans, we are conscious beings who want to make sense of things.

This is precisely why it’s so difficult to move forward when we do not have any explanation to base our recovery on.

I have discovered that when people talk to me about needing closure, what they generally tend to mean is that they want answers and understanding about why things ended the way they did.

Heartbroken people often believe that they will get the closure they so desperately desire, if only they could make sense of why. 

They expect that this knowledge will help them stop the overthinking and relieve them of their painful emotions.

There’s a problem with closure, It’s pretty much BS.

While closure might sound great and even seem to make sense, seeking closure is a lot like hunting a mythical unicorn. We don’t do it because it’s actually going to help us. We do it because it’s what we want and think we need.

We chase closure because we think it will help make the pain, frustration, or confusion of a heartbreak end. In other words, we want to feel better and we’ve been taught that closure is the only way to make it happen.

Now, having said that, while closure helps in our recovery, it is not a necessity.

Incessantly obsessing about closure is an avoidance of your own healing. By obsessing about closure, you are avoiding the uncomfortable emotions that need to be acknowledged in order for you to move through the process.

The obsession with receiving closure is usually a subconscious attempt to cling to the scraps of the relationship so that you escape reality and avoid the truth.⁣⁣⁣⁣

After an especially bad breakup, you really do need to heal

Nobody should fault another person for wanting to get over their pain. But the truth is that no amount of “closure” is ever going to feel like enough if you haven’t truly healed from your heartbreak.

You have to choose acceptance. 

In fact, you have to make it a habit to accept your circumstances again and again and again until acceptance comes naturally to you. 

You’ve probably noticed that some people are better at accepting disappointment than others. It’s not that they’ve never faced a heartbreak, but they bounce back quicker because they’re so good at accepting what’s happened.

Another thing that closure won’t give you? A reality check. 

Closure after a breakup focuses on wrapping up the end of your relationship in a way that feels nice. But there’s not a lot of substance there. 

Many people struggling to recover from a bad breakup don’t need closure to make it all look pretty. What they really need is a reality check to show them where they went wrong.

Many people ignore consistent red flags, and there’s a good chance that you ignored a lot of them long before the relationship ran out of steam.

Typically, when people look for closure, they're looking for a shortcut. 

A hack. 

They want to trick themselves or do whatever it takes to stop thinking about their ex and feeling like they're never gonna be able to love again. 

But they don’t need closure. They don’t need happy accidents to line up perfectly, and They surely don’t need to try and orchestrate their healing with shortcuts.

Here are 5 ways that can help when it comes to seeking closure:

1. Disrespect is your closure.

Someone not wanting to be with you is your closure.

 Someone deciding to end things with you is your closure.

I could end this article right here and call it a day...

When you are looking for some hidden meaning, you are essentially just running away from reality. 

You are trying to soothe your pain through either living in your fantasy land or chasing closure in something outside of you.

2. Attempts at seeking closure sometimes come from a powerless place

You think that you can move forward only when the other person offers you an explanation.

By having that mindset, you are giving away your power. 

You are placing your recovery in someone outside of you.

3. Create your own closure.

With as much objectivity and rationality as possible, once you can calmly analyse your relationship from a grounded and centred place, create your own closure and accept that as your truth.

Put the questioning to rest and then ruthlessly focus on moving forward.

4. If your relationship was a safe one, your partner’s unwillingness to offer you closure reflects avoidance/unavailability within them.

It reflects that they are not very comfortable with having hard conversations, which implies, a lack of relational skills required to create a healthy relationship.

Someone not offering you any closure is providing you with valuable information indicating immaturity and disregard for your well-being.

Now, after having this information, reassess your desire for a relationship with this individual.

5. Some people will go to their deathbeds never taking ownership of their actions. 

Shall you put your life on hold for them? 

Your capacity to move on should never depend on someone’s ability/inability to offer you an explanation. 

Don’t chase closure.

Tell yourself:  “I showed up with kindness and integrity. That’s my closure.” 

“I gave my best with the awareness that I had at that time. That’s my closure.”

In short:

Accept the L, know your worth, and move on.

Life doesn't stop for anybody and like a wise fisherman once said....

"There’s always more fish in the sea"

- Till Next Time