Article: Lessons I Have Learned About Life, Women & Being a Man from Growing Up Fatherless

Like millions of people, I grew up in a single parent household.

As we all know, growing up in a single-parent household means that the children are more likely to live close or at the poverty line while the parent tries to make ends meet.

This is very difficult for everyone, and growing up fatherless brings its own set of difficulties. Especially for boys.

The statistics about single-parent households make you believe that every boy who grows up with one parent ends up on drugs, unsuccessful, and in prison, but that’s simply not true. Because of growing up fatherless, I have stayed away from destructive activities & crime and have instead moved into the journey of being a successful individual  and towards a mission of changing thousands of lives in a positive way.

Boys are more likely to be involved in negativity, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens. girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. 

They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.

A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realises that the problem isn’t her, it’s him. This is the first step toward healing.

A daughter whose loving dad passed away when she was 15 will be affected differently than a daughter whose father abandoned her when she was born or left her life at a very early age.

As a man, when you're in the stage of looking for something serious with a woman, you need to get a clear understanding what her relationship with her parents is like.

Because daughters with absent fathers struggle to build and maintain relationships.

Why?

Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.

They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don’t feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into toxic/unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak.

And if they don’t deal (or are not at least open to dealing with it) with the cause of their sadness (an absent dad) they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.

So for you as a man, this is the last thing you need when you are wanting a serious relationship with a woman.

What Are the Emotional Effects of A Man Woman Being Abandoned By Their Father?

• Feeling less happiness and lower levels of self-worth
• Higher levels of frustration, anger, and anger-related depression
• Difficulty navigating the emotions of intimate relationships
• Overwhelming fears of abandonment.

If your father was absent, do not blame yourself for this, because from a scientific perspective, we cannot choose who our father is.

Do not use the pain of having absent parents to become a destructive person. Use that force to become a great & reliable person. 

Look at Bruce Wayne (fictional character). Bruce Wayne didn't use his parents death as a way to become a criminal. He used that pain to become Batman.

The hardest part of growing up without a father was watching the toll that it took on my mother. Not only did she have to be the mother, but she also had to be the father, the bread winner, the teacher, the friend, the nurse, and she had to do it alone, without any real committed support from anyone.

Life taught me a lot of things about being a man from growing up fatherless. Here are the lessons that I learned:

1. Having a child makes you a father but not a "dad"

"What’s the difference?" you might be asking. Well, a father is a proper term for a male that produces a child. But in the eyes of a kid, a father is a "dad" or "daddy." 

It’s a name that has to be earned. Earned by being supportive of the child both financially and mentally. You don’t become a "dad" without working hard for it or without being there whenever your kids need you.

In a recent podcast Andrew Tate was on, he brought up a very good point. He stated that a father should not always be around, but when he is around, his time should be spent on teaching the child very important life development lessons instead of constantly being around just for the sake of being around/present.

Quality of time father spends with child > Quantity of time father spends with child

Unfortunately for me, my father had passed away when I was very young. I didn't get to spend much time with him. However for many people, they had fathers who walked out of their life and leaving them clueless. 

It's not ALWAYS the fathers fault because there are women who are toxic and will do everything they can to prevent the father having access to his children and brainwashes the kids (without hearing his side to the story) to hate their father as they age.

2. A man needs to be self-sufficient

As men, no-one is coming to save us, our mothers can only do so much and even then, we are the ones who have to look after her as she gets older.

You do not want to be the man in his 20's & beyond and still relying on mummy. After a certain age, she should be depending and relying on you now.

Don’t depend on someone else, wait for the government, a handout or a trust fund for your well-being and livelihood. At any moment, either could disappear from your life. I was fortunate to realise at an early age that no one is going to hand me my dreams or what I need in life, and that I need to go out there and capture it myself.

A woman can stroll along life and someone will eventually come and rescue her, as men we do not have such a privilege. 

Since we live in modern times we aren’t required to farm and hunt to survive on our own. Self-sufficiency is different. It’s now more about thriving as a man than just surviving. 

These days we can gain sufficiency by doing things like:

• Gaining a good skill or education

Be open-minded to various cultures, subjects, views, and people. The more things you experience and the more subjects you are knowledgeable about, the more situations you can handle. Seek valuable skills that will make you an asset to the world, employers and communities.

If you have a business idea. GO AFTER IT. Don't wait for someone to come and fund the idea for you. go and get a job and self fund it!

• Not letting fear stop you

Fear is probably the biggest obstacle for most people. It keeps them from success, keeps them from getting what they need, and it keeps them dependent on other people.

3. Becoming a man doesn’t come with age

The law considers any male 18 and over as a "man" however, a boy becomes a true man through experiences and by learning from those experiences. 

for some it happens very early in their life and for others, this can take years past the age of 18 to happen.

Through experience a boy becomes a man by:

• Taking ownerships of failure
• Letting go of stubbornness and accepting lessons
• Knowing how to handle challenging situations and fixing their incorrect reactions and attitudes
• Learning more about themselves

4. Live the life YOU want to live, not the one you think you should

I can’t understand why so many young men decide to do exactly what their fathers did with their lives. You don't have to.

Any work is worthy work and if what your dad does or did really is your passion too, then that’s great. Go after it.

5. Mental strength is often more necessary than physical

If you want to be a man of great courage and accomplishment, it isn’t going to happen just by hitting the gym and lifting weights. 

A courageous man stands up for the weak, stands up for what he believes in, faces fear, failure, and criticism. He’s not afraid of responsibility and seeing things through to the end.

6. Your father doesn’t need to be your father figure

If you have a father who’s dead, or who left you, or who didn’t have much success in life, look for a father figure in someone else. 

Every man needs a father figure, even far into adulthood. 

You don’t even need to know him personally, and he doesn’t even need to be alive. 

Most successful men leave a legacy and lessons behind, whether in a book or video. You can then read, watch, and practice their advice; just like any other father figure.

This is what I did, I saw very inspiring, strong and successful men and I looked up EVERYTHING about their lives, then I implemented the same habits and behaviours towards my life so I can one day have a similar level of life as them.

My three most influential father-like figures are James Bond, Hugh Hefner and military guys.

What a man is and what a man isn’t

So growing up in a fatherless home is something that I’m now proud of experiencing. It has made the line between a boy and a man much clearer for me.

A man isn’t:

• Someone who runs from his responsibilities
• A person who makes excuses and avoids accountability 
• A person who physically hits a woman
• Selfish
• A man through age – a boy grows into a man through experience

A man is:

• Someone who stands up for something they believe in, even when they’re fearful
• A person who creates a new path
• Open-minded
• A "dad" when he earns it
• Could kick anyone’s ass, yet remains honourable. 
• Able to ignore pain to get the job done.
• NOT a hot headed. Thinks things through rationally 

You become a man not when you reach a certain age but by when you reach a certain state of mind.

Till next time.