tredlocity

Impolite Subjects

"Hm, I can't decide between this one and that one."

"Well, the FlexiFace GT2 offers a wider range of facial expressions than the WonderSmile, but it does have its... quirks."

"Quirks?"

"Yes, when embarassment levels are heightened, its colorization levels would malfunction, causing a tint of red to appear in the middle of the face."

"Ooh, so like a blush? That's cute! I like when organics blush."

"So you'll be going with the GT2, then?"

"Yes! And I'll also ...

Wasted

Space Dread's wallet contains:

• Fifty seven galactic credits worth of various currencies
• Credit Card (Marilian Jones' Merc-Friendly Bank Service)
• Keys to ship (linked to her DNA, will electrocute anyone else trying to use it) 
• Guns Ahoy Loyalty Card (3 holes punched)
• Old receipts (ink too faded to determine what they were for)
• Magic, foldable trident (poison tipped)
• Family photo

(Dex is created and owned by my f...

The Talisman is in the River of Regrets

In an alternate timeline, four-armed travelling juggler Ms. Hap was performing at a birthday party. A sigh of disappointment caught her attention; one of the boys is sad that a highly anticipated video game is getting its release date delayed.

To cheer him up, she juggled him and four of his friends as well as some of the furniture.

The other party guests cheered, but the boy's mood did not improve.

"You just wouldn't understand," he muttered.

Ocellian

"Yeah, we were playing, when suddenly a door swung onto Bria, and so I jumped and pushed her out and saved her, but the door hit me instead.

Oh. Well it hit me a buncha times.

Yeah, it was really sharp, like a knife.

What? Oh, the door's gone. Bria's parents replaced it right away.

No, don't call them, they're probably busy.

Yeah, I heard they don't want to be bothered today or else they'll get really angry."

Tiny

Tiny's name actually had nothing to do with his size. It was short for Mutiny, a name given to him by his mom because he was born during a pirate mutiny. He has a twin brother named Tray, which is short for Betrayal. 

Long Line

The worst thing about being the victim of flaying magic isn't the pain or the people staring at your skinless body. It's the fact that your cool tattoos are all gone and now you have to tell people what your favorite dad rock bands are.

Emote

"Do not buy bootleg finger wiggle emotes off the dark web, for your hands will get stuck in that pose and will infect anyone who sees it." - PSA released by the cyberspace admins after the Great Wiggle Plague.

The Great Magic Bake Off (Finale)

"So, long ago, there were three powerful wizards; Barbara the Blade, Alan the Page, and Stefan the Stone. For millennia, they were locked in a constant, three-way stalemate of power; Alan's pages covered Stefan's stone, which smashes Barbara's blade, which slices Alan's pages. It wasn't until-"

"Isaac, I understand the mechanics of Rock, Paper, Scissor. That's not what I'm asking."

Call

Silkaphids secrete a sticky substance that mutes any magical energy, rendering Isaac's spells and Space Dread's shapeshifting powers useless. Minnow is allergic to silkaphids so she sat this mission out. She is currently sleeping in her room after watching 2 hours of a documentary series on hats.

  (Dex is created and owned by my friend C. Check out their Patreon!)  

Hindsight

Dear Ms. Idrina Tallaros,

Hi! My name is Melody and I am a HUGE fan of Barbaricelle! I've been watching the show since the first episode, and I love how each season gets better than the last! I got my own Barbariblade for my birthday, and I think I can actually do the Sword Dance of the Kings really good now! (Though probably not as good as you haha)

In Season 4 Episode 12, The Lyre of Hearts, Barbaricelle referred to Walanda using a Halaxian honorific that implies romantic love. ...

Dated

"Okay, I need to play it off like I did it on purpose. I can't have people know I miscounted my ammo because I was distracted by the Divide X Hearts: Admiration finale. Everyone would go 'Hey did you hear that Space Dread cried over a cartoon so bad that she forgot to take one more bullet on a mission? Guess she ain't so cool after all!' and will stop thinking that I'm cool."

Lure

The kissing scene between Barbaricelle and Walanda the Sky Witch was cut because, according to the directors, it disrupted the flow of the episode, which included a 5 minute elevator scene where nobody spoke or did anything.

stole

Most of Dread's income goes to ordering custom four-armed clothes.

(Dex is created and owned by my good friend C! Check out their Patreon!)

Summoning

"Hey, Tzaltoth, I jus realized something."

"What is it, Isaac the Mortal?"

"This is the 69th time I summoned you, heh."

"Most humorous, Isaac the Mortal."

Idol of Greft

"Okay, Professor Horst is dead, right? I mean, he hasn't been seen on campus for three weeks!"  whispered the boy, leaning towards his deskmate. "And, I heard his assistant went missing too. Do you think-"

"MR. ARGOS, YOU ARE DISRUPTING THE CLASS." The substitute android's mechanical voice startled the entire class. It did not even turn around, nor did it stop writing on the chalkboard. "YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING 5.265 GALACTIC CREDITS PER MINUTE TO ENROLL YOU IN THIS ACADEMY. YOU BE...

Omniscient

Sila and Arlanar's relationship was ruined by the fact that Arlanar would end every date by telling Sila the exact date of their breakup. To spite her, Sila broke up with her the day before, just to make her wrong. Arlanar then told Sila to look at the first email she got from her.

The first letter of each line reads "You will break up with me a day before the day I told you when we will break up."

Small

 De-shrinking Spell Components (serves 2):

2 sticks of non-butter

3 cups of bone-hurting juice (unseasoned) 

1 tablespoon of salt (metaphorical)

2 teaspoons of salt (literal)

3 cups of magic space herbs (extra-space, extra-magic)

1 tablespoon (silver or copper)

1 wizard (decent)

Grandma's Gun

The gun was a used Neo-Matter Rifle Val bought for cheap at a yard sale. The previous owner told her that it could penetrate any material except Metanium. Since Metanium is a very rare metal, Val brought it to the mission thinking "Eh, what are the chances I'd be fighting someone wearing Metanium armor today?"

Blagtar's armor suits were all getting cleaned that day, with the exception of his Metanium armor. He reluctantly wore it, hoping that whoever he's fighting will use a weapon that...

Signals

Space Dread was very late.

Dex created by my friend C, who also has a patreon! 

Picky

"The first trial is to go through the Water Scales of Balance. By shifting the water scales with your own weight, you learn to recognize your own self worth, and realize that validation should come from within. The second and third trials have yet to be decided hold on lemme think of something."

Silent Mode

"I was there during The Great One's EDM phase. I can still feel the throbbing in my bones."
"Ha! You are a child, brother. I was on duty during his EDM phase. We wove enough flannel to cover the entire surface of the world."
"Hmph, at least you two didn't have to worry about coreography. His musical theatre phase was the darkest of times..."

Afar

The early interplanetary editions of Combat Chef Kazuko were printed left-to-right. This cause a lot of confusion when the animated adaptation was released, such as Yamaji's robot leg being his left instead of his right.

CYOA: Welp.

"OKAY SO IT IS ATTACKING US HOW DO WE FIGHT IT? AGAIN NO MAGIC NO WEAPONS"

Thank you Erin S. for the suggestion! Please help them!!

Journey

Bards throughout the world sang of Florence Two-Fists and The Coffee-Headed Poet. About how they braved dangerous lands, vanquishing villains and serving coffee. Children sing ballads about their countless adventures, from the tallest mountains to the darkest swamps.

They were better than anything Coffee Machine has ever written, but he didn't mind.

Contemplate

Flo ended up with the Coffee Machine because she was the only one who could stand his poetry. She thought they were nice to have in the background while she work. Her favorites were "Ground Life, Boiled Death", "Brown Ocean" and "Lean, Mean and Other Words That Rhyme With Bean."

Remember the coffee machine?

Minnow doesn't have the heart to just jettison him out to space, but she also doesn't have the patience to listen to 2 hours of poetry every time she wants a cup of coffee.

A reminder. 

The End

The new series would have resolved the season three cliffhanger by revealing that the entire season was a dream, and that Kazuko did marry Yamaji at the end of season two, and Toda's father survived the fire after all.

The Mess

"This show is every tired Sports Romance trope presented in an uninspired way via so-so animation and infuriating characters.

[SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT]

I really wanted to like Kazuko, because we don't see a lot of female protagonists in Sports Romances, but there's pratically nothing to her character. All she does is react to whatever is happening around her. She NEVER makes any decisions on her own; her grandpa pushed her into the Combat Chef Circuit, Yamaji was ...

The Wish

• Thumb: Jer-Praeff, a warrior from Lartrtr, wished to be more famous than his brother. The people of his planet then started to see visions of his victories and triumphs. Unfortunately, the visions would not stop, essentially blinding everyone's senses. There were no survivors.
• Index Finger:  Nimblehoof, an accountant from Ro, wished for a more practical way of doing his job. His wish caused calculators to be introduced to his planet decade...
  2020-02-20 16:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post

CYOA: A New Problem

"Folks, I have a new problem. The evi'vi hog call worked and we're out of the snakevine, but now we're facing a big evi'vi hog. It's not moving, but it's staring at us intently. Too scared to move. Still no weapons. Still unconscious wizard. Help."

Thank you JT for the suggestion!  Give them more!