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rudetalesofmagic posts

Rude TAROT of Magic: Eight of Cups

All things being equal, I think this image -unburdened from context- is the most honest pitch for the "whole deal" of our show. If this image fills you with revulsion we are not for you. But if you smile to see it as you would an old friend? Well have we got a show for you!

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Who gettin the aux cord?? (Weird Times in Piss Harbor Edition)


Sound off!

(All of these choices are 100% correct, by the way. Don't agree? Weird of you to admit that you're bad at listening to a podcast.)

Neil
The Birthday Party - Prayers on Fire
The Boys Next Door- Door, Door
Rowland S. Howard/Lydia Lunch- Some Velvet Morning
The Gun Club- Fire of Love
The Fall- The Nation's Saving Grace

Jonathan Large
Van Halen- S/T
Kiss- Animalize
Journey- Frontiers
...

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Queen of Wands

Back in 2014 my friend Caitlin did a tarot reading with me. I had never interacted with tarot before other than that Home Improvement episode where one of the kids does a reading and draws the Death card and freaks out until somebody explains that tarot isn't real. That was the beginning and end of it for me. So I tried to just give myself over to Caitlin's reading and not be a smartass like I always am. Caitlin told me to close my eyes and breathe deeply and then she would draw a card that w...

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Seven of Cups

You do not have to "like" an image to appreciate its raw power.

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Knight of Swords

I'm Cum Dangle and this is The Knight of Swords *Corona riff*

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Simplified Sheets #3: Neil

From the weird vault where we got the characters for Weird Times in Piss Harbor: It's the character sheet of NEIL, played by our own Ali Fisher!

Ali made a playlist for Neil that you can check out here!

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2023 - Simply The Best

Another year gone by, and what can we say? Some of its cultural outputs were better than others. But who is here to JUDGE? To RECOMMEND?! To CONDEMN!? It's Christopher Hastings, Joe Lepore and Tim Platt with all your most needed declarations of which movies, tv shows, games, food and music of 2023 were better than all the rest.

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Rude Talks of Chatting WTIPH Episode 2: The Man in the Arena w/ Jon Gabrus

Branson, Christopher, and Tim answer questions about the episode two that knew what to do...BIG time! Thanks for listening!

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Six of Cups

As I was making these I came across another card (the five of coins) that's a way better fit for Torrin and The Beautiful Avoider. I've thought a lot about it and I've come down on the side of "tarot is wrong and I'm right."

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Simplified Sheets #2: Thickwick Thunderthumb

From the vault of Weird Times at Piss Harbor: The sheet for Thickwick Thunderthumb played by guest John Gabrus!

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Temperance

Would've been insanely stupid not to make this one Ivan since he's an alcoholic. Or I guess I should say "bloodoholic" since he's addicted to bloodohol.

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Simplified Sheets #1: Tommy Whistle

From the Vault: the character sheet of Weird Times in Piss Harbor's TOMMY WHISTLE. 

Expect more sheets in the upcoming weeks...

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Rude Talks of Chatting WTIPH Episode 1: Whose Your Daddy?

Ali, Branson, Chris, and Tim answer questions about the very first episode of the new campaign WEIRD TIMES IN PISS HARBOR. That's how this whole thing gonna go, baba!


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Rude TAROT of Magic: Ten of Cups

Ah, the ten of cups. The most cups for your buck you can get out of tarot. That's what we in the business call "a great bargain." Perhaps others call it this, too. But we in the business would have no way of knowing. The business is a very insular world, you see. Lots of inbreeding. Many of us are beginning to look like those cave creatures from The Descent. Where was I? Oh yeah, the ten of cups. This card is unique in tarot because it doesn't symbolize anything. But that didn't stop me from ...

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The Crew of Weird Times in Piss Harbor

Here they are. For you to gawk. Happy Halloween!

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Rude TAROT of Magic: King of Coins

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. And they will help us in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.

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Holiday Merch is Now!

Our limited edition Holiday 2023 Merch is live now through December 4th! 

Don't miss your chance to nab a Wolf Orb tee, Goblin tote, or hoodie with the cast as G-G-G-GHOSTS! There's also a snazzy new shirt with Scandal the Space horse from our sister show, Oh These, Those Stars of Space (2023-11-25 14:51:20 +0000 UTC View Post

Simplified Character Sheets: They're heeeeeere!

Folks, they're here. The simplified character sheets promised by Branson in the Weird Times in Piss Harbor (WTiPH) session zero patreon episode. At last! You can create your own characters... "The Rude Tales Way!" Now, I know what you're thinking: "Hey, don't they barely play D&D anyway? Why scale down?" or maybe you're thinking "Literally how is it even possible for Rude Tales to scale down?" but probably you're thinking "Branson is a real dreamboat! Dreamboat Branny, we'll call...

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Weird Times in Piss Harbor: SESSION ZERO

The cast creates their characters for the brand new campaign WEIRD TIMES IN PISS HARBOR. The only place to hear that character creation is here, on the patreon. Isn't that amazing? You're right where you need to be. 

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Rude Talks of Chatting Episode 70: ...And Just Like That

After four electric years, the Class Dismissed campaign has been put to bed...a BIG bed! The whole cast answers questions about the final episode, saying goodbye to their characters, the big villain song, and what comes next.

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Rude TAROT of Magic: The Hierophant

Ah, the Hierophant. Submit to established social structures. For a week like today, that means cook something normal for your friends and/or family. If you are looking for something normal to cook, may we recommend these recipes. 

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*SPOILER ALERT* Behind The Scenes of Episode 70: ...And Just Like That

Just five minutes after finishing the recording of the final episode of our first campaign, the cast of Rude Tales of Magic bravely got back on mic to talk about it. We celebrate and elevate; we honor and we mourn; we begin to process and proceed to begin again. Get ready for our new campaign soon! We aint slowing down, we STRONGing UP (imo).

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Lexicon Matters Theme Demo + Lyrics

Here is the demo of the Lexicon Matters Theme before it went into production. Performed by Tim Platt.  Below are the lyrics. Bwa ha ha!

Lexicon:
Down here we heard that bell
Why you had to ring that thing I couldn't tell
Cuz Down here no rules apply
PLUS SCHOOL IS AMAZING
I’m a stand up guy!

You see where this is going
You’ve got demands a flowing
Into a dam that has been damned
I am The Dean

Join me: get extra credit
Deny...

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Queen of Swords

Ah the Queen of Swords. Turning words into action. Straightforward, no BS, tell it like it is, et al.

In honor of this card, please be HONEST in your casting of yourself in Queen of Swords in the comments: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5ZSenrO5I

I’m Peter Wingfield.

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Rude TAROT of Magic: The Hermit

On the road to Athens, a young hunter found herself stuck on the wrong side of a raging river. She noticed an elderly woman sitting upon a ferry and offered her a freshly hunted rabbit in exchange for transport. Halfway across the river, the old woman took up her oar, allowing the current to guide the boat downstream.

“What are you doing? The object of my hunt (an armadillo wearing an orange peel as a hat) is back THERE! Because of you the river will now take us to places unknown! Thi...

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Rude TAROT of Magic: The Sun

"The former Teletubbies sun baby announced that she was welcoming her own little ray of sunshine. On Tuesday, Jessica Smith announced in an Instagram post that she was expecting her first child.

She posted a snap of an ultrasound image with the caption: 'When two becomes three.'

Commenters posted their congratulations, with ...

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The Big 2023 Haunted House DRAFT

Not too long ago, on a night just like tonight, six friends (!!AnD PeErS !!) met to build a cul-de-sac of such outrageous specifications that they caught the attention of Rude Tales of Magic, who transcribed that group's conversation and performed them, on mic, word for word.

Prepare to hear the horrid tale(s) of Six Haunted Houses built from SCRATCH in the RUDE TALES OF MAGIC BIG 2023 HAUNTED HOUSE DRAFT!

Featuring

Ali FishMANer

Branson RAZER-FILLED ...

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Rude Talks of Chatting Episode 69: Nice ?!?

Christopher Hastings, Joe Lepore, and Tim Platt of the hit podcast Rude Tales of Magic answer questions about episode 69, the penultimate episode of the first campaign. Anything is possible when friends commit to being the best they can be...together!

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Rude TAROT of Magic: Three of Swords

Three of Swords. This is a sad one. A real loss, apparently. Not just depression but sorrow, apparently. But I was thinking, let me tell yah, I was thinking that maybe the problem is that the three swords in the card are impaling a HEART when they COULD be impaling- and this is what I was thinking- they could be impaling a WALNUT. Like the swords could break the walnut so then you could eat the walnut. Isn’t that a cool spin? Like, and this is me filling up the page, what if we replaced ALL...

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"They Invaded My Brain!" Livestream is TONIGHT!!

The day has arrived!! BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW and see you at 8pm!

To answer a few Frequently Asked Questions:

  • Elf Lords and Gnobles, don't forget to use your discount code!
  • Can't watch tonight? You can still see the show- we'll keep the stream page live until Midnight tomorrow.
  • Two exciting merch ite...

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