Kids’ madness has evolved. Teen heroes can mention hand-holding and noscope twenty competing gladiators with half the satanic panic. I wish it happened sooner. I watched Spider-Man throw-spam his way through Saturdays because Marvel agreed to a superhero show without punching.
2024-03-26 12:00:06 +0000 UTC
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You probably think that The Chicken Girls are way too mainstream for 1900hotdog to cover, and I completely agree with you. After all, Chicken Girls The Movie currently has over forty million views on YouTube. As we all know, it was the flagship program of Brat TV, a YouTube channel aimed at teen girls who wish The Disney Channel included more product placement and less talent....
2024-03-25 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostThe Bigfeet Boys watch Season 1, Episode 17 of Mountain Monsters: The Cave Creature of Greenbrier County. The West Virginia Cave Conservancy's sterling reputation was harmed in the making of this episode.
2024-03-25 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Seanbaby: AI is doing its best to ruin search results, customer service, and entertainment, but most of us know it as a way for the worst and dumbest people to reshape nothing into a less ethical nothing. I mean, you get it. If you use AI to write or draw for you, you still can't do either, only now you're also a piece of shit. But this is not an article about the morality of r...
2024-03-22 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that when we go surfing together, one of us surfs and the other is the board.
But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where “barnfind” can ...
2024-03-21 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Before the Wachowskis grease-orgied techno into irrelevance in The Matrix Reloaded, Hollywood gave us one bona fide masterpiece about it. That's right, we're talking about the 1996 straight-to-video classic, Vibrations…
… a.k.a. CYBERSTORM. It was a movie with no i...
2024-03-20 12:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Seanbaby wants to know if Brockway and guest, Dan McQuade, are ready for some tidbits! They're not, they're woefully unprepared, they might die from any tid or bit but HE DOES TIDBIT YAHTZEE AT THEM ANYWAY.
2024-03-20 11:59:08 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby invites the sensual Brockway and the golden man, Dan McQuade, to his special samurai birthday party where they discuss Mouth of the Snake, a bizarre backdoor pilot episode of Knight Rider. An...
2024-03-20 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Now that’s an opener. The system, faith, or band you choose is a perfect personality test. I’ve said this before, but now I mean it: things are looking up.
Oh man.
Divorced had a good run as a comedy...
2024-03-19 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
I have a single question about demon powers: do demons have powers? If the answer is yes, there's one quick follow-up: How do I say, "Please don't use your powers on me; I'm a useless little clown," in Latin? Some people are more curious about demons and their powers, though. Some people have 101 questions about demons and their powers if you can even believe it! That's too many questions!
2024-03-18 12:00:15 +0000 UTC
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When you hear "the worst something ever," it's usually cheap hyperbole or a cheaper insult. There's hardly ever a clear way to quantify "worst," and if there was it would be different for different people. But I have a rare treat for you, objectivity. I found The Worst Writer Ever, and I can prove it.
I can prove it again, I should say. I reviewed a 2024-03-15 12:00:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Urge is a 2016 movie starring Pierce Brosnan. Urge is also the most secret, hidden Pierce Brosnan movie ever made, for one cursed reason and a lot of fun reasons. Here’s the trailer. Here’s one of its many frames that drew me in:
Set in the far-future year of 2025, The Bots Master presents a world where humanity has invented a legion of roboslaves to cater to our every whim. These machines are the cybernetic creations of Ziv Zulander (ZZ for short), robot wunderkind and all-around radical dude. Or as Toolzz explains in the intro,
"Yeah! Well he can't fade us!
He forgot about the Boyzz and the guy who made us...
2024-03-13 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
Seanbaby has a book about how great it is to be a mom. He has turned it into a weapon. He has pointed that weapon at Brockway and guest, Zak Koonce. He has pulled the trigger.
2024-03-13 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby brings Brockway and guest, Zak Koonce, back to fight in the deadliest game: EXPOSITIONAL THEME SONG KUMITE. 3 warriors, 9 songs about the thing they're on the soundtrack for, NO RULES.
2024-03-13 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Alright, dry spell consulting didn’t work out. Let’s try direct sales.
I’d say this has potential.
Hey, guess what, guys? I have syphilis! Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I want to talk about the absolute classic Lifetime Original Movie, She's Too Young.
Like all good Lifetime Original Movies, the title sounds best when yelled by a forty-year-old woman in a sensible cream-colored sweater at a ...
2024-03-11 12:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostThe Bigfeet Boys watch Season 1, Episode 16 of Mountain Monsters: Snallygaster of Preston County. The entire team was killed in the making of this episode.
A booming voice came from my library. "Fuckin' YEAAAAAH," it commanded. For any other reader, this would be the crazy part of the story. But the books I've collected over the years often scream. Sometimes all night, sometimes in languages forgotten, sometimes with information on how to give your cat a massage. No, the unusual part is this scream came from a book with my name on it. The cover of an old p...
2024-03-08 13:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
You are 12 years old. Your grandmother just returned from a three month cruise. She’s been to Lisbon, Malta, Istanbul. She’s traveled the world, visited exotic places rich in culture and history. She has gifts for you. I want you to close your eyes and picture the worst thing she could possibly give you.
Alright this is another one come into my poseshun from the friends of the libary book sale (i dont mean to brag but i find i have now developed a eye for the self or under-published tomes of the realm in fact heres a lil New Monica for you in case you also want to “level up’’ your cursed arkeology skills:
Spiral bound or stapled be?
Rich fruit for me and thee.
<...
2024-03-06 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Put on your beakers, OKheads! Lydia Bugg plays the game that makes learning fun and educational, OK Science!
2024-03-06 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostBrockway betrays Chairman Hot Dog and takes over Podcast Stadium, forcing Seanbaby and guest, Lydia Bugg, to watch the episode of Iron Chef where one of the commentators betrays the show to usurp a chef!
2024-03-06 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I have sympathy for Lost Causers. And love lying. But I also understand it’s a tough position. It hurts to be out of step with culture. And history. And the avowed, public, Cornerstone positions of your idols. Cognitive dissonance is painful, and the stupid suffer in silence.
Constant, screaming s...
2024-03-05 13:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
I've once again managed to locate an entire pack of unopened trading cards from one of America's most popular collectible trading card series. That's right, I'm about to pit seven different versions of actress Susan Lucci against each other in the battle to the death we've all been waiting for. It's time to talk about the All My Children trading card collection!
2024-03-04 13:00:13 +0000 UTC
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Most street survival books have low stakes. They teach blocks that don't work to nerds who will never get jobs as ninjas. It doesn't matter if details are wrong, or if you carry those wrong details with you your whole life. Today's book isn't like that. Today's book is a cop instruction manual written by cops.
In 1988 a band named Martini Ranch released their debut album, “Holy Cow.” It’s what kids today refer to as proto-eggpunk, and what adults refer to as “what the fuck are you talking about?” It’s DEVO-esque, poppy, nerdy, punk adjacent synth pop. You can’t talk about music without sounding like an asshole, so think of it like this: You know the part of your chest that tightens anytime someb...
2024-02-29 13:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Greetings, fellow Squeeg. I am humbled that so many of you emerged from your chrysalises for this, and there will be pseudopod soaking pools made available following the presentation. Please refrain from vibrating each others’ applause-organelles until the end.
Our invasion of the pathetic world known as Earth is nearly upon us, and as such our science and recon teams have returned with a trove ...
2024-02-28 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Brockway demands tribute for the great lord, Satan! Seanbaby and guest Jason Pargin have only Dreams of the Witch to give. Seanbaby offers the devil a dream of a blue truck, Jason Pargin offers the lord of lies a dream about a guy almost doing something!
2024-02-28 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostBrockway admits his weak piss power to Seanbaby and guest, award-winning author Jason Pargin. Luckily there's a solution: Gorilla Flow, an insane hour long infomercial for peeforce enhancing pills that veers wildly from pissplay to patri...
2024-02-28 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post