A parody of aughts Ben Stiller is born dead. Good Stiller flicks were broad, overacted pastiches. Bad Stiller flicks were broad, overacted pastiches. His new work’s an easier target, thanks to that documentary about corporations eating your soul. But Night at the Museum is a doomed prize.
I’m so happy someone tried.
In 1994, The USA network aired 40 episodes of a cosmic horror television show for children. It was supposed to be a simple rip-off of the hot new show Power Rangers, but it was born of a blood feud between two studios, and its birth was deeply cursed. If I accidentally watched this show as a nervous, sickly child, I don't think I would have survived. It looks innocent enough, but it will give you a hear...
2024-02-26 13:00:12 +0000 UTC View PostThe Bigfeet Boys watch Season 1, Episode 15 of Mountain Monsters: Shadow Creature of Braxton County. The brand integrity of the Aliens franchise was harmed in the making of this episode.
2024-02-26 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Prepare your souls, hot dog readers, for we embark on a harrowing tale of ghosts and demons. But this is no ordinary ghost and demon story. We will not be cowering! We will not run! No, we will face them head on until they are banished to Hell! Sometimes. We might run. There will be a little bit of cowering. You know what? They can stay here if they want.
2024-02-23 13:00:11 +0000 UTC
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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we’re putting on a local theater adaptation of Point Break where the two of us play every single role. Including the sex scene.
But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Co...
2024-02-22 13:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
In 1987, producer and future accused child molestor Gary Goddard was on top of the world. He was directing the yet-to-bomb He-Man movie and was positioned to take a commanding role in the children's entertainment industry. With He-Man and GI Joe winding down and the coke-fuelled exuberance of the decade giving way to the depressive slimy haze of the '90s, Goddard partnered with Mattel to create a new ch...
2024-02-21 13:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
Brockway asks Seanbaby and guest, Merritt K, to select a set of superpowers from SEO scam affirmation videos. Their goal? Possess a young man's cock and bang John Derek's wife from beyond the ghost plain! This is accessible. This has become an accessible podcast.
2024-02-21 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostBrockway murders Seanbaby and guest, Merritt K, so he can trap them on the ghost plain and use their supple young bodies to discuss Ghosts Can't Do it, John Derek's 1989 supernatural cuckold fetish documentary starring his wife, Bo Der...
2024-02-21 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
We’re halfway through Love Month, and dying. Every expert’s worse than the last. Reality TV and comic books, education’s core, have failed us. We’ve missed surplus candy sales by a week. There’s one refuge left.
Manosphere self-publishing. We’ll uncuck our minds, so that our loins can fly.
...
2024-02-20 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
In 1998, if you wanted to know what Leonardo Dicaprio was up to, you could pay an adult man who stalked him ten dollars to mail you grainy VHS footage of his daily activities. That was a normal, fun thing for teen girls to do. It was distributed to the public like a regular product and not the contents of evidence bag 7.
Brockway: I’m Robert and I want to welcome you to my Website. I have over 2,877 Hot Dog Followers. I just wanted to tell you that Women Can Laugh Too. All over the world in these modern days, women are laughing just like the guys can! Thank you Ladies.
Seanbaby: I'm Sean, and I own 2,878 classic hot dogs. I'm not sure what we're doing, ladies.
Broc...
2024-02-16 13:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
This is the Zazzle.com store page for President William Henry Harrison Gifts. That exists! Give the gift of William Henry Harrison, today, with Zazzle.
Unlike the image resolution of the products I’m about...
2024-02-15 13:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Fat drops slide slickly down a silvery surface embedded with rainbows. Reflected in that surface is a boy, not yet a man, with a hole inside him as empty as that which punctuates this rounded mirror. That boy is me. And yet again, I fall victim to…
Imagine a zombie movie so unhinged and gnarly that it laun...
2024-02-14 13:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby programs Brockway and guest Eddie Doty into the virtual cyberarena and forces them to battle the episode of Deadliest Warrior where a Spartan fought a Ninja. There were no victors!
2024-02-14 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby puts over 17 factors into an Excel spreadsheet in order to perfectly simulate Brockway and Eddie Doty's reactions to Don Diebel's horrifying pickup lines. DIEBELEST WARRIOR!
2024-02-14 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
What’s a Sex Box? Forget wordplay.
Today’s Sex Box is a glowing cube people fuck in. Then three almost-therapists fail to solve their problems. On TV. We made this show twice.
2024-02-13 13:00:05 +0000 UTC
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If you're familiar with my writing on this site, you probably already know that I love the X-Men. They are the best, coolest, most interesting superhero group. They are also, on occasion, lame ass nerd cops. For example, they did a prostitution issue where it seemed like they wanted to shut down a mutant brothel where everyone involved was just having a great time, and they called that issue…
The Bigfeet Boys watch Season 1, Episode 14 of Mountain Monsters: Death Cat of Cherokee County. Thousands of ancestors died in the making of this episode, but they came back as a cat.
2024-02-12 12:59:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Is there any way for a children's magic book to be considered "bad"? What would your expectations have to be? What would have to go wrong? The idea is nonsense. To fail at writing a children's magic book is an impossible task.
But you know what makes the impossible possible? MAGIC.
A psychologist named...
2024-02-09 13:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
It begins with a legend: A great lover with no home to bed his conquests laid a cushion of goose down and straw in the back of a carriage, and the first van was born. And upon the side of that carriage he painted a polar bear with tits, roaring on a mountaintop while being struck by lightning, and the first bitchin’ custom van was born. Thousands of years of van advancements later: You. We 2024-02-08 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
As a little kid, I looked up to Mega Man. This was also before there was a lot of Mega Man merch, so I was making my own Mega Man apparel by using a Sharpie marker on a blue hat that belonged to my dad. Did that incident end up in a bad way we’re not going to talk about? Oh, it sure did! It surely, definitely did! But the point is that I loved Mega Man. Maybe it’s because I was into robots. Maybe be...
2024-02-07 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby traps Brockway and Dan McQuade in a labyrinth of aborted puns and the only way to escape is to read a terrible Pac Man joke book. It's cruel and unusual Pacishment! That's eight times better than any joke you will hear from this book.
2024-02-07 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby thanks Brockway and Dan McQuade for being a friend by showing them that episode of Golden Girls where the ladies fight Mario Lopez. And win!
2024-02-07 12:59:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Somehow, the romance comic money printer’s still off. Sure, publishers entertain boring artist breakups and their boring artist feelings, and Archie’s still trapped in a time loop. But we’ve surrendered insane drama about cheating on/by pirates to prose. That was once a fight to the death, and comics held their ground.
I'm going to pitch you a concept for a new website taking the internet by storm. You might have heard of it, but I want you to appreciate how a simple, brilliant premise is all you need for success. Ok, it's Rotten Tomatoes, only all of the reviews are written by one guy, and that guy super duper sucks.
Usua...
2024-02-05 13:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Every time Wonder Woman gets near a gorilla it's fucking insane, and I can prove it. I'm about to show you the dumbest, craziest gorilla Wonder Woman comic by any standards, but first, let's do a brief history of Wonder Woman. She is a clay monster created in 1941 by the inventor of the lie detector to be the Justice Society's secretary as part of his sexual domination fetish. Done. Now let's talk about...
2024-02-02 13:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy Ape Week! Today I’m talking about Lancelot Link: The 1970 spy-spoof television show starring exclusively chimps. It was a simpler time in America. A time when adequate men could become very rich by asking “what if anything, but chimps?” And they did. They did ask that. The writers behind Get Smart asked producers “what if we did more Get Smart, but chimps?” The...
2024-02-01 13:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Spymate is the kind of movie you throw on on a lazy Sunday morning, when your opera plans fall through, or when you feel like hammering yourself in the crotch in film form. From the director of Air Buddies and Most Vertical Primate, it’s a movie only worth watching if you’re being paid to write about it. But is it worth reading about? Probably also no, but what th...
2024-01-31 13:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby demands 50 feet of safety space between him and Brockway, Lydia Bugg, and Dennard Dayle - just in case they go berserk when he tells them they have to talk about The Chimp Channel, a 1999 sitcom starring horny, unlik...
2024-01-31 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby harangutans Brockway, Lydia Bugg, and Dennard Dayle with a chimpload of apesolutely terribonobo ape joke books by Phil Hirsch. ... ... ... bananas!
2024-01-31 12:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post