As many nice guys know, the cost of good behavior is a sexless death. Sorry, kind-hearted virgins, but women only sleep with assholes. Hold on, what if there was a way to pretend to be an asshole? You could still be nice deep in your heart, but those wet babes wouldn't know until...
2022-07-29 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostThe year was 1992, and it was a time of Robosaurus! The world wanted car-eating and fire-breathing and Robosaurus was both of those things!
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2022-07-27 12:00:01 +0000 UTC View PostThe oldest joke on the internet is to say, “I bet this is somebody’s fetish!” when doing something totally innocuous, like filming a woman smearing the makeup off a clown’s face with her bare feet. But the truth is, nobody making non-porn wants to know if the audience is secretly usin...
2022-07-26 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostImagine a superhero has rescued you, and as he swoops you away from the burning building or the cackling madman, he whispers, "Saving people is pretty cool, right? But you know who's really cool? The one and only savior, Jesus Christ? While you're helplessly dangling above the city, let me te...
2022-07-25 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostYou might know Phil Hirsch from his exceptionally titled book, 101 Hamburger Jokes. Phil was very bad at one thing: writing jokes about one thing, and he made it his l...
2022-07-22 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostThis week we’re joined by Adam Ganser from the newly relaunched 1upsmanship podcast and the 2022-07-20 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post
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2022-07-20 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostRaw Deal never gets mentioned among the greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger films, because in many ways it isn’t, although in many other ways, it extremely is. I believe those ways are much more significant, because they are the ones that have been haunting me since the first time I saw...
2022-07-19 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostIn 2006, Marvel released a series of one-shot romantic comics for Valentine's Day called "I Heart Marvel." I'm not sure what the editor of these comics hated more, X-Men or the entire concept of love. Something went deeply wrong with My Mutant Heart, the X-Men's anthology of what is ...
2022-07-18 12:01:03 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1998, the Playstation wrestling game WCW Nitro made the frankly insane decision to have each wrestler record a promo of themselves begging the player to pick them. A year later, the 1999 Playstation wrestling game WCW/nWo Thunder did it again, meaning there are 48 videos of c...
2022-07-15 12:01:04 +0000 UTC View PostTurbo-Today on the Dogg Zzone 9000, we invite Turbo-Tom Reimann on to discuss one of our most treasured cultural touchstones:
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2022-07-13 12:00:01 +0000 UTC View PostA friend of mine (you’re famous now, James Bizzarro) says it’s a miracle any movie gets made. Each stage of production is a lurking point of failure: a master performance of a beautiful script can’t survive cinematography by an Eisner-in-law. With those odds, every movie should look like th...
2022-07-12 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostI'm always fascinated by the internet presence brands cultivate. Life used to be simple for marketers. Don Draper could get trashed all night and then go make one intense five minute speech about how Arby's roast beef sandwiches taste like kicking your childhood bully's ass and make seven million...
2022-07-11 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostBefore 1900đźŚ, there was another beloved Internet comedy site with an all-star cast. The name of it escapes me, but here is the tenth column I wrote there. From 2009, rescued from a garbled stack of misaligned text, banner ads, and missing images comes the fully restored, visually enhanced 2009 ...
2022-07-08 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s Podcasting Day, but more importantly – it’s Flash Gordon Day! Please don your golden skull helmets, your starry execution panties, and a very tight shirt with your own name on it. If we don’t respect tradition, who will? Our guest this week is Queen of the Arboreans, Lydia Bugg, who h...
2022-07-06 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
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2022-07-06 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostHello hot dog and hot dog to you too, maybe some of you are in the same situatioun as me and were recently shooken to find that John Wayne was not a man...
2022-07-05 12:01:04 +0000 UTC View PostI had a pretty great childhood, but sometimes I feel like something was missing, and now I finally know what that was! I needed an angsty teen dramedy about an insufferable rich boy who has the power to shoot bologna from his hands. Somehow I missed 2008’s The Adventures Of Food Boy (High S...
2022-07-04 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostI'm an American, so watching people be wrong and crazy with a gun is a big part of my life. It's almost expected. So if you write a kid's book about the importance of having guns everywhere, that's not crazy to me. That's like a book about having a friend in corn syrup. Save the ink, maniacs, you ...
2022-07-01 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostImagine a box in your own home that could play computerized video arcade games! Now imagine they were outdated, poorly made, and designed under oppressive restrictions written by a Nazi's coolest friend. Also, that box I mentioned? It doesn't exist, but you can pre-order one with a $100 deposit. A...
2022-06-29 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
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2022-06-29 11:59:00 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome, everyone, to the PoxCo Experimental Theatre’s first no-act production, The Legend of Zelda [Ad]. Told entirely through a single TV commercial, this avant-garde play dares to defy what little expectations 1987 had of video games already. You can watch it 2022-06-28 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post
I recently saw a reality TV show that made me wonder how hot people determine if they are really signing up for a reality TV show, or if they're being abducted and released in the jungle to suit the whims of a Batman villain. Are those two scenarios so different when you think about it? Recently D...
2022-06-27 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostThrow the ball at the pins. A second bowling tip. These are the traditional ways people do bowling. But what if I told you your very mind held the secrets to even more bowling success? What if I told you your brain could be rewritten to achieve anything and yes, yes, that includes better bowling. ...
2022-06-24 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome to Podcasting Day! Let’s get this out of the way: This week we’re ope...
2022-06-22 12:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
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2022-06-22 12:00:01 +0000 UTC View PostCinematic universes may seem like a recent invention, but they’ve been all the rage since the dawn of movies. Ever since Walt Disney crawled from the primordial ooze to club independent film to death with Spider-Man’s femur in front of a giant mouse-eared monolith, as depicted in the video the...
2022-06-21 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostIs this a tool, a weapon, or an entire medium?
The elect know the answer. With the 2022-06-20 12:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
