In 1976, Rudy Ray Moore made the perfect film. He took everything he learned from Dolemite, forgot it, added tits, refused to do anything that wasn't fun, doubled the tits, and the result was a kung fu art film about a male prostitute superhero called The Human Tornado. It rules.
We ...
2021-07-21 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Bonus episode audio for patrons.
2021-07-21 12:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1941, Centaur Comics introduced Rainbow, a superhero with no powers, no motive, and a costume that would get you ostracized in Brazil for making Carnival too gaudy. His career spanned seven pages, began with his girlfriend emasculating him, and peaked with him jumping out of the bushes to yell “Boo!”...
2021-07-20 12:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1920, a man named William Horatio Bates published a book about curing poor eyesight with eyeball exercises. His claims were dubious, disproven with even the gentlest application of the scientific method, and eleven years later he died a disgraced liar. Eyes Right with Bethany Alldridge is a 1992...
2021-07-19 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostDoris Sanford and Graci Evans spent the 1980s making inconceivable books about childhood trauma, and they're my favorite team of well-intentioned maniacs. Today, we're going to read two of them. One, Please COME HOME, is about divorce because Doris and Graci are always careful to soften a book's su...
2021-07-16 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostDISCLAIMER: DO NOT KICK A HORSE IN THE ERECT PENIS, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS MID-FUCK.
CONTENT WARNING: HORSE GETTING KICKED IN THE PENIS BY A MAN IN BUSINESS ATTIRE.
I want to talk to you about the dream that was the world wide web and an unknown man who inexplica...
2021-07-15 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostThis Podcasting Day we’re tackling a meme a month out of date because we’re former Cracked employees and some habits die hard. We invited Katie Goldin, the host of Creature Feature and all around animal lover to ask her: 2021-07-14 12:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Bonus episode for patrons.
2021-07-14 12:00:00 +0000 UTC View PostOnce, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to have a sex party on the moon. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corporate scavengers. Some of its archives have been deleted,...
2021-07-13 12:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostSonja Henie was the world's first international teen superstar. Before Shirley Temple, way before Britney Spears, there was Sonja, an ice skater, movie actress, and a woman who was merchandised to hell. She was basically the Minions of the 1930s. If Facebook existed in 1932, people would have posted a ton o...
2021-07-12 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostYes this is a new thing for me to be able to type not just in the comments maybe some of you know me from their but if you don’t my name is sissyneck. I don’t remember how I heard about this hot dog kickstarter but probably i was on my grandson Traytons’ fire tablet after a few busch lites and the nex...
2021-07-09 12:01:04 +0000 UTC View PostWe started Reflecting Day as a place for us, the 🌭s, to talk to you, the also 🌭s, about what was going on. Not just with the site, but with our lives. It was going to be the one time a month we didn’t have to be funny, and could instead focus on transparency and earnestness.
Of course we never...
2021-07-08 12:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostThis week on the Dogg Zzone 9000, we go back to 1993 to discuss the dumbest commercial for a jiu jitsu school ever filmed which also ended up being the most important night for martial arts in the history of the world: Ultimate Fighting Championship 1: The Beginning.
Bonus audio for patrons.
2021-07-07 12:00:00 +0000 UTC View PostIt was the year 2000 and a secret, supernatural war was being waged against the youth of America. A single brave evangelist was all that stood in the way of your children and a thing called "Pokemon," a boy named "Harry Potter," and a best friend named "Screampopper the Counting Anal Beads." He was only abl...
2021-07-06 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostSo, you know who Fabio is. He’s the guy putting his dick in this lady's armpit:
He's the angel guiding this wom...
2021-07-05 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostWhat do these movies have in common? Top Gun. Black Hawk Down. Armageddon. The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case Of The U.S. Navy Adventure.
In 1967, a very cranky Canadian fitness consultant with a master's in philosophy wrote a book about calisthenics you can do to improve your dick stroke. He called it, fucking what else, SEXERCISES.
Brockway often makes suggestions that don't make a lot of sense at first. For instance, "Let's change our name to Shimmy Jim and the Hustlers," or "Corporate saxophone fighting," or "Shut the shit up, we do a Face/Off." But when he suggested we watch a 2016 game show about ten Japanese comedians locked in a...
2021-06-30 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Bonus episode audio for patrons.
2021-06-30 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard we keep our dead skin cells and wear skin suits of ourselves to the community pool. We call it Skinny Dipping! But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are....
2021-06-29 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostThe mysteries of the universe: When are we here? What did the big making? Who is after death? And of course: if you enter a black hole crotch first, are you frozen in orgasm forever?
Science cannot answer these questions, for mortal brains cannot comprehend this intersecting holographic universe. F...
2021-06-28 12:00:36 +0000 UTC View PostWhat are we doing here, guys? A professionally photographed semen cookbook? This shit can't be serious. This is a prank. A desperate cover story thrown together by an author caught masturbating in a kitchen. It can't be what it's claiming to be, can it? A sincere book about upscale sperm dishes? No.
On a scale of one to ten, how haunted would you like your house to be? Do you have a paltry single ghost wandering your grounds at night with a lantern searching for her lover who died in the war? Do you look at your neighbors' home, filled to the brim with spirits like the goddamn Overlook Hotel, and think...
2021-06-24 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
New bonus podcast, free for all!
2021-06-23 16:32:31 +0000 UTC View PostThis Podcasting Day we’re doing it. We’re finally doing it! We’re just going to talk about Bloodsport the whole time!
2021-06-23 12:00:07 +0000 UTC
View Post
I am obsessed with Dave Seeger, and the long and storied legacy of crap that followed his one brief brush with success, “Karate Rap.” Look, I know that’s pathetic... luckily there’s someone even more obsessed with huffing Dave Seeger’s bullshit, and his name is Dave Seeger. He wrote one clumsy par...
2021-06-22 12:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostWell, everyone, it's great to be back from my sabbatical. Did you miss me? Or did you even notice that all of my articles were being written by an algorithm I programmed to watch 100 hours of Angela Lansbury Movies, all of Star Trek, and the four available episodes of Megan Wants To Marry A Mil...
2021-06-21 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostLast Ounce of Courage is a 2012 movie about how the struggle of American Christians to celebrate Christmas is very much like -if not exactly- like, fighting in a war. I'm not trying to be cute. That's exactly what this is, sincerely, and I need you to understand that before we talk about it. It was...
2021-06-18 12:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostLike all people on the Internet, I have made enemies. Sometimes it's because I said something mean about them, and sometimes it's because I'm frustratingly handsome and fun, but it's always at least mostly the second one. And one thing your least fun, least handsome enemies will do is threaten you with ...
2021-06-17 12:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
