Dark Legend of Potter, Chapter 67

Megumin lay sprawled on the cold stone floor, staring up at a portrait of a skinny old knight with a cockatrice plume in his helmet. He, of course, stared back, frowning at her. 

“Rather rude to stare at a chap, wot? Dontcha have anything else to stare at, young thing-a-me-girl?” 

“I am contemplating the use of Explosion magic in exploratory expeditions,” Megumin said, glaring up at the knight. Then she let out a squawk when Ron rapped his knuckles on her forehead from where he was lying on the ground. 

“Absolutely no more explosions indoors. You bloody well know what happened the last two years, and I think Professor Dumbledore actually will let Snape murder you if you blow up the castle again.”

 “Clearly, this is like in the Legend of Zelda, when you are at a dead end!” Megumin declared, sitting up and gesturing around. “When you are stuck, the most optimum strategy is to plant bombs everywhere and go through the secret passage when it is last revealed!” 

Ron turned to Hermione, who was reading a book with her back to the wall. “Do you know what she’s on about?” 

“The Legend of Zelda is a popular game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Beyond that, no. I’ve never played it. I’m surprised Megumin has. I didn’t even know she had a Nintendo.” 

“It was Yunyun’s because it came with a small robot that she thought could be her friend named ROB. I liked Zelda because you could obtain an unlimited number of explosives and use them liberally,” Megumin sniffed. 

“Makes sense,” Ron said with a sigh. “Though I’m surprised your aunt let you plant bombs all around her house.”

“It’s a video game, Ron. They’re digital bombs,” Hermione told him. 

“Why do I care if they have fingers? Honesty, I’ve always been surprised Megumin has all of hers,” Ron mused. 

Hermione opened her mouth, then closed it again and nodded slowly. “You know, I have too.” 

“Oh yee of little faith. I would never be so foolish as to blow myself up!” Megumin bragged. 

“Aside from the two times you have already,” Ron said sweetly, which earned him a glare from Megumin. 

Just then, Darkness tramped back, looking frustrated and carrying a battered sword she’d stolen from one of the suits of armor. “It’s no good, Megumin. I didn’t hear any funny sounds no matter how many walls I hit with this. We’ll have to try something else.” 

“But not bombs,” Hermione said firmly, shutting her book, and Ron nodded emphatically as Megumin pouted. 

“Well, what we need is a dungeon map then. But where could we acquire a dungeon map of Hogwarts?” Megumin muttered.

“I think Fred and George have one,” Ron said. “It’s how they manage to pull off all their pranks. They know where all the secret passages and such are.” 

“You try that. I’ll go to the library and see if they have any old records that talk about a hidden room on the seventh floor,” Hermione said. “Come on, Darkness. We’ll let Ron and Megumin see if the twins have something useful.” 

“Very well, though I don’t think we’re likely to find something in a readily accessible book. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be very secret, would it?” Darkness pointed out as they headed for the stairs. 

“Where do you think the twins are?” Megumin asked as Ron helped her back to her feet. 

“Causing trouble, most likely. They’ve been complaining it’s been too quiet this year since Sirius Black hasn’t caused many problems. Come, Blackie. You great useless lump. All you’ve done is sleep these past couple of weeks,” Ron said as he rubbed the dog’s head affectionately. 

Blackie yawned and nuzzled Chomusuke, who was drowsing on his back. The little cat shifted slightly, and Black stood with her still perched on his back, a sleepy little rider expecting to be borne to her next adventure. 

As it turned out, Fred and George had classes and couldn’t be interrogated until that evening in the common room, where Megumin and Ron cornered them while they were actually doing their homework for once. 

“Not now Megs, we’re behind on our potions essay,” George said, not looking up from his textbook. 

“Since when did you care about potions essays?” Ron demanded. 

“Since it’s our OWL year and we’re rather keen to get into NEWT potions,” Fred said, scribbling something on a sheet of parchment. 

“But you hate Snape,” Ron pointed out. “Come on, this is important.” 

“True, we’re less than fond of old Snivelus,” George agreed. “But…”

“If we want to know how to make our own items for a prank shop, we’ll know a solid grounding in potions,” Fred continued. “So, on we must soldier.”

For her part, Megumin had been glancing over Fred’s shoulder, following along with what he was writing. She pointed to a particular line and shook her head. “That’s technically correct because it’s what you’ll find in the book, but Professor Snape will take points off if you put it down.”

“That old bat,” Fred said, throwing his quill down in frustration and splattering ink over the messy parchment. “Of course he would. Well, what’s the answer then, Megs?” 

“Don’t call me Megs,” she said absently, but she was too focused on the potions puzzle to really be paying any heed. “You see, while it is true that we stir counterclockwise three times and then clockwise two times when making a Drowsing Draught because it ensures an even mixture, the real reason is that you need to first undo the magical essence within the pixie wings, then recombine it in a new formula. Anti-clockwise motions convey turning back time, or undoing, while clockwise motion brings to mind making something anew. As with most magic, the symbology and intent behind the motions matter more than the actual motions themselves. It’s why when you invoke certain motions or words in a spell, you will achieve greater results if you truly intend what the spell will do, rather than simply casting an anemic fizzle.”

Fred and George studied her for a moment, then hastily dug out a fresh piece of parchment. “Say that bit again, but slower. We’re a bit thick, you know.”

Megumin grinned and opened her mouth, but Ron put a shushing finger to her lips. “How about this: if you help us, you get a nifty new potions tutor who helps you pass your OWLs. You know Megumin’s already at NEWT level or better in her potions, even the seventh years ask her for advice. But, if you don’t cough up what we need, she’ll keep mum.” 

“Dear Merlin, is our baby brother blackmailing us?” Fred said, putting a hand to his chest in mock horror. 

“Must have picked it up from Gingin. Maybe he’s half Slytherin too,” George mused. 

Ron flushed, but folded his arms over his chest. “So do we have a deal or what?”

“I dunno, will you be our personal tutor, O Great Megumin the Wise and Powerful?” Fred asked. 

Megumin swelled up with pride and sagely nodded. “If you help me in my own quest, I shall consent to aid you in yours.” 

“Deal. Now, what is it you wanted?” George demanded. 

“You two have a map of Hogwarts, don’t you? We need to burrow it to locate a secret passage on the Seventh Floor,” Ron said eagerly.

Fred and George exchanged looks. “Let’s discuss that somewhere more…private.”

A short time later, they were ensconced in an empty classroom not far from Gryffindor tower, Fred and George pacing back and forth at the front of the room as Megumin and Ron watched in bemusement. 

“Many have wondered how our great and storied career as pranksters began,” George pontificated in grandiose tones as he wove around his twin in their pacing. 

“Too right, too right. Well, one of the major keys to our success, aside from our dashing good looks, keen minds, and charming personalities, is the secret and treasured magical artifact that fortune placed into our hands,” Fred agreed. 

“What, did you nick it off of someone?” Ron asked, sounding incredibly bored, even though Megumin was grinning like a loon and eating the entire display up. 

“Don’t be silly. A treasure such as this can never be stolen, only gifted to the next generation of hooligans,” Fred sniffed. 

“Chris gave it to us in our first year,” George explained, a twinkle in his eyes. “It was she who trained us in the ways of chivalric mischief.”

“Poppycock,” Ron coughed into his fist. “You wankers were like that before you ever left for Hogwarts.”

“We were yet unskilled and undirected in our mayhem,” Fred laughed. 

“But we were still right terrors, just ask mum!” George agreed with a grin. 

Then with a flourish, Fred produced a bit of parchment, unrolling it on the desk Megumin and Ron were sitting at. “Behold! The secret to our success: the Marauder’s Map.”

Eagerly, Megumin and Ron peered down at the map as the twins explained how it worked. 

“It updates in real time, you see? Here’s us, then there’s Darkness and Hermione up in the library, and Gingin and her minions down in the dungeon,” Fred said, showing them. “You can even see Flich and Mrs. Norris patrolling around the building.”

“And there’s Tonks and Professor Lupin,” Ron said, pointing. “Huh, I wonder why they’re in Tonk’s room together.”

The Twins had a moment of embarrassed silence, where Fred coughed into his fist. 

“Best if we don’t mention that to anyone,” Megumin said. Mentally making an exception for Yunyun, who would absolutely squeal about that with Megumin. She was certain the two of them were having a romantic rendezvous, where they were likely talking about books or spells, potentially even potions! Maybe they were even holding hands while they did it. 

“Wait, there’s Sirius Black!” Ron cried. “He’s right here in the room with us! Get him, Blackie!” 

Blackie immediately jumped up and started barking wildly, which roused Chomusuke as she went tumbling off his back, landing on her feet and yowling and hissing at being rudely awakened. 

“About that,” Fred said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Turns out, Blackie’s full name is Sirius Black.”

“Seems Professor Lupin named his dog that when he was drunk one night as a bit of revenge,” George explained. “The map shows larger animals too, though I can’t figure out who this Peter Pettigrew fellow is supposed to be. Supposed someone named their toad or something after that brave fallen hero.” 

Blackie stopped barking and started making retching sounds, which caused Megumin to hurry over. “What is it, boy, something you ate? I told you to stop eating everyone’s scraps at the table, you’re going to turn into a fat lump with the way Lavender and Luna are always slipping you ham.”

Blackie did not actually sick up, which was fortunate, and they went back to studying the map. 

“So, does this show a hidden passage on the Seventh Floor then?” Ron asked eagerly. 

Fred and George grinned. “See for yourself!” 

“Thanks!” Ron and Megumin said, grabbing the map and hurrying off. 

“You’ll tutor us in potions, right?” Fred shouted after them.

“Are you kidding? She does it for free for everyone else you knobheads. Just butter her up enough and she won’t shut up about them!” Ron called back, which made the twins laugh and Megumin squawk in indignation. 

They first stopped by the library, where they immediately slowed to a careful walking pace as Madam Pince was not far off, and was always dangerously close to banning the ever-exuberant Megumin from the library since she had never quite figured out what an “indoor voice” was. 

“Ah, there you are,” Hermione said, looking up as they approached. “I think we’ve managed to crack this wide open. I knew we should have spent more time researching and less time battering walls with swords.” 

“Yes, Hermione found mention of a hidden room in one of the books in the restricted section,” Darkness said, holding up a dusty old tome.

“How’d you get that away from Madam Pince?” Megumin whispered, sliding onto the bench next to Hermione. 

Hermione sniffed. “I asked nicely if there were any books on the architecture of Hogwarts that she could recommend to me, especially relating to rumors and legends. She handed it to me directly.”

Ron and Megumin both gaped at her. “That worked!?”

“Yes, but we have to hand it right back to her when we’re done, and not take it out of the library,” Darkness said. “I was just about to return it.”

Hermione explained once they’d given the book back to the stern librarian, just as she was closing up shop for the evening. 

“There’s a legend of a place known as the ‘Chamber of Necessity’, or perhaps ‘the Room of Requirement,’ depending on which source you’re drawing from,” Hermione explained. “A number of individuals throughout Hogwarts history have encountered it and left mention of the room, though it’s been nearly impossible to verify their experiences.”

“According to what we read, it’s usually located on the Seventh Floor, but the exact location shifts from time to time, and it’s been supposedly found on the Eighth or Sixth floor, with one story of it being found as high as the Ninth floor,” Darkness added. 

“Yes, but shifting rooms aren’t anything new. What is new is how this room is found,” Hermione said. “There was actually a note in the book that I think was from Professor Dumbledore himself, mentioning that he found the legendary room only when he was in desperate need of a WC.”

“So, we really have to pee if we’re going to find the room?” Ron asked. 

“No, Ron,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes. 

Megumin spun about, striking a dramatic pose and whipping out her eyepatch.“Isn’t it obvious!? The room only appears at time of great need, whether it be when you embark upon an epic quest, or if one simply needs to relieve oneself! Come, my boon companions! Let us locate this room and find the next clue in our epic quest!” 

They all ran up the stairs towards the seventh floor, or at least, they ran up one set, then Megumin and Hermione had to slow down and gasp for breath while Ron and Darkness waited impatiently for them. 

“Really, you lot should be exercising too. Wood’s making us do daily calisthenics now that Ginny’s making her team do it,” Ron said, shaking his head. 

“W-wizards take con as a d-dump stat,” Megumin panted, leaning heavily on Hermione as the two of them sucked in precious oxygen. “It is t-traditional.”

They made their way up to the Seventh Floor, where Megumin produced the map, then had it promptly taken from her by Ron when she started going in “exactly the wrong way.”

“Here, Darkness, that passage over there, it doesn’t seem to be connected to anything,” Ron said, indicating the map. “There’s just empty space, but see how the wall runs there? That might be where this required room is located.” 

“Yes, I think that’s our best bet,” Darkness agreed. “But how do we make it appear? Should we simply consume a great deal of water, then think of a lavatory?”

“No,” Megumin said, stepping forward. “I…I need to learn more about my parents. This…this is my destiny. Whatever this next clue is…maybe it has the secret to Sirius Black’s true motive…or maybe it’s just another photo album. Either way…I want…I want to find it. I NEED to find it.”

Closing her eyes, Megumin walked up and down the corridor as the others watched, eyes squeezed shut, focused only on her need to find her parents’ hidden legacy. After that, she tried the door, but it was simply a broom closet. 

“The book mentions that the room was fickle, and wouldn’t always appear right away. Perhaps you need to do it for a certain period of time, or a certain number of repetitions?” Hermione guessed. 

“Hmm, well, according the the rules of magic, it needs to be a numerologically significant number,” Megumin mused. “Like three or seven. Let me try that. Come, join me, my comrades! You too much imagine something of great need as we walk up and down the corridor!” Megumin decreed. 

Holding hands and eyes squeezed shut, the four friends walked up and down two more times, before Megumin got impatient and threw open the door again. However, this time, when she did so, she found not a broom closet, but a large, well-lit chamber. On one wall was a large collection of books of varying sizes, but all of them were dusty-looking and ancient. There was a well-lit reading desk, and several comfortable chairs there. On the other wall, there was a variety of exercise equipment, including several sets of weights, a wooden dummy, a variety of melee weapons and some padded training armor. In the far corner, there was a variety of brooms and other sporting equipment, along with a case of quidditch balls.

And, in the center of the room, was a great obsidian dias, upon which a leather photo album sat, along with another, much more elaborate grimoire in crimson and black, with the symbol of a crimson eye on the front. 

Megumin raced in, sprinting right for the two books at the center, while the others crept in more slowly. She hesitated between the two books, reverently stroking the cover of the crimson eyed grimoire, but then took up the photo album that read “Potter Family Album: Megumin, Year One.”

“Let’s…let’s leave the rest here, for now,” Megumin said, cradling the album in her arms. She also stuffed the grimoure into her adventuring satchel (also known as her book bag), but she was clearly saving it for later. 

“But, Megumin, look at all these BOOKS! I’ve heard of some of these! I don’t think anyone has seen a copy of Bibliographa Obscura’s Mystic Texts of the Ancients in a century!” Hermione gasped. 

“I think they can wait. We can find them again. Even if this would make a most excellent training room,” Darkness mused. “I think I know what Megumin needs right now.”

“Yeah, we can always come back later,” Ron agreed, glancing at the twin’s map. “Yunyun’s in the Great Hall with Lavender and Luna, probably getting dinner. If we hurry, we’ll just make it.”

“But, but-” Hermione whimpered, as Darkness bodily dragged her away. “The BOOKS! Think of all the things we could learn!” 

“They’re quite safe here since no one has found them in 100 years,” Darkness said firmly. “Now will you walk on your own, or must I carry you?”

Going down stairs was a lot easier than going up stairs, though Megumin didn’t sprint pell-mell this time. They caught Yunyun and her friends right as they were finishing supper, and Megumin hurried over. 

“I…I found it,” Megumin said almost shyly, holding out the album. “If…if you want, I suppose I could let you look at it with me…”

“Oh my gosh, is that a picture of baby Megumin on the front?!” Lavender gasped, hurrying over. “Oh my gosh, you were so chubby and CUTE! We have to look at this, you were darling!” 

For her part, Yunyun took Megumin’s hand and smiled. “Of course I would. I-I’ve always wanted to see your baby pictures. L-Let’s go somewhere quiet and look at them, together.”

The children all hurried to a quiet corner of the castle, where they ended up staying up so late they got in trouble with the heartless monster Flich, who didn’t care if they were discovering Megumin’s long lost secret legacy. Detention, however, was nothing new to them. 

What they didn’t notice was that Chomusuke and Vanir were watching them pour over the photos from the window looking into the classroom they were using, hovering easily in midair. 

“Mwahahaah! Moi knew that planting the Mistress’ Grimoire there was the perfect plan! Now, we simply need to find a pawn to conduct the ritual, and the doom of this world will be complete!” 

“Hmmm, yes,” Chomusuke agreed, licking a paw. “Very clever of you. Still, you did read the script, didn’t you? I bothered to keep that rat alive for a reason. Now we just have to find a way for him to get it.”

“Oh? So, it’s the graveyard plan then?” Vanir stroked his chin. “Yes, I suppose that would be appropriate, though the mistress will be so disappointed if there is no supposed Dark Lord or Devil King here to greet her.”

“We can handle that ourselves if we need to. We can always go get the Philosopher’s Stone out of Wiz’s sock drawer,” Chomusuke pointed out. 

“Phaw. That pathetic thing. Moi knows a dozen more potent resurrection rituals that would be FAR more amusing than that silly old rock,” Vanir sniffed. “Still, moi will do what must be done for the grand plant to succeed.”

Then the two most diabolical beings on the planet cackled madly together, until Chomusuke got a furball in her throat and needed to go cough it up. 

As for that great and mysterious criminal Sirius Black…

“What do you MEAN she found it already! It’s only been ten days!” Remus demanded of Sirius as the former looked suspiciously at Lupin’s bed. 

“You two haven’t been, you know, using this have you? Or you at least washed your sheets after, right?” he asked, prodding the blankets. 

Lupin’s ears started steaming, but he refused to be distracted. “That’s not the point! We hid the album in the ROOM OF REQUIREMENT. We never found that place until our SEVENTH YEAR! And that was only AFTER Lily got that message from the GODS THEMSELVES. Megumin found it after TEN DAYS!?”

“It was thirteen days, actually. And yes, she did. Though really, it was more Hermione Granger. Honestly, that girl scares me, and she’s not even an alien race sent from another world,” Sirus said, finally deciding the bed was too suspect and kicking back in a much less comfortable chair. 

“Great. Fantastic,” Lupin groaned, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. He dragged his eyelids down, then sighed and shook his head. “Well, we’ll just have to find something else once she stops being distracted by the album. We only have two of them left, you know.”

“Eh, works for me. Being a dog all the time is getting old,” Sirius said with a shrug. “You’ll just have to find some other way to go off and canoodle with my cousin. Though really, I expect you to talk to Andy and Ted over the Christmas break. They should know you’re romancing my favorite niece,” Sirius said with a wide grin.

“She’s not your niece, she’s your second cousin. But, er, yes, we’ve talked about it. Um, Tonks has written her parents, and, er, I’m going to be visiting them over the winter holidays,” Lupin admitted. 

“Fantastic! That calls for a drink! Too bad our favorite bar has been discovered. What have you got around here?” Sirius demanded, rooting around in the cupboards. 

“Earl Grey tea. I don’t keep liquor here,” Remus said in disgust. 

Sirius produced two bottles and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on. That’s butterbeer. It’s 1% alcohol by volume. It’s a soft drink, or did we spend that much time in America?” Lupin said with a snort. 

“Eh, it’s better than nothing,” Sirius said, tossing the bottle to Lupin. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Lupin said with a sigh, popping the cap off with his wand, then clinking the bottle with Sirius’. 

Though Megumin was seriously making him think he needed something a bit stronger closer to hand. 

Not far away, Minerva McGonagall felt a strong urge to grin madly, but couldn’t quite think of why. In any case, one Megumin was certainly worth four Mauraders.