kyra

earlier this month we celebrated kyra's 21st birthday. she was well-groomed. her kidney issues were under control. i gave her extra treats and love. she'd been so snuggly lately.

one night last week she started throwing up repeatedly. her breathing was strained. her coordination, suddenly staggering. we said after the fourth time, that if it happened again we should take her into the vet. not for dragging our feet, we left after the ninth.

it was about 2 am. there were two people staffing the overnight clinic. they were both really sweet. the vet explained there was fluid in her lungs, and around her heart. it was either cancer or heart disease. either would, strictly speaking, be treatable. but not even the diagnostics were within our means, and either treatment would be buying, at very most, some uncomfortable months, and more likely just days. if that.

we made the best decision we could with regards to her comfort. we had a final hour or... two, or i don't know how long we cried in that room with her, on her. and she was so sweet even then. she was always perfect. she was always , from the day i got her, the most perfect cat.

i got her when i was almost 12. she was just a couple weeks old. her mother had been a somewhat deranged stray, who proved in a rather grisly manner she was unfit to care for her previous litter. when she had kittens again, a friend rescued them and asked if i wanted one. i did.

i had my pick of the litter, but i didn't even look at any of the rest of them. they were all piled together, sleeping on top of each other, in a small cardboard box in the basement. and nestled in the corner was this tiny little calico, a word i didn't even know at the time. she was the runt, and stood out immediately. honestly, i didn't even look at the others.

i picked her up and didn't put her down. and when i took her home, this tiny child, who fit in half the palm of my hand, fell asleep there as i was holding her. i was on my bed leaning back, and she was actually half on my palm and half on my leg so i had to hold my hand there in place for an hour and a half as she napped.

i wish i had pictures from back then. it was before i ever had a phone, let alone one that was also a camera. she was popular with my friends, then, too. we set her up a facebook and everything, for jokes. i tried to see if i could get some from that, but the hellsite will not relinquish it.

so in lack of that, have an avalanche of her other, more recent pictures. i'm not sure i have the energy for much more than that right now.

hi. this is cass now.

i wanted to say some things, but i also looked through the pictures and am now sad. she was my favorite.

that said, ame only went through her pictures and not mine, so she's only in there when i borrowed her phone. i'm going to fix that.

(it's just going to be the pictures of ame--i have more than 2000 of kyra and we haven't gone through them. so, y'know, might be more cat posts later. we don't know.)

she's the best.