sadness - pregarden mayflowers

I realize how long it's been since I posted here. this is due to many things which I'll get into, but if anyone has suggestions for song lyrics/backstories I can easily make a post about, mention them below in the comments. it's summertime and this is when I'm most busy with my "real" job, taking up almost all of my time unfortunately. I've also been going through a terrible time as of a couple weeks ago, if anyone has tried to reach me on social media I am guaranteed not to respond, for one I'm terrible at answering people but I also completely just stopped using anything at all. I am completely heartbroken and have hardly had any intention to do anything. I can probably talk about this later when I release some other music I've composed recently. also my ex-wife stole my dogs which is hugely upsetting (this/she has nothing to do with me being heartbroken let me be clear). for now I have this song "pregarden mayflowers". I mentioned in an earlier post that when I first moved to this new town I started writing a lot of brand new music which I hadn't done for a couple of months because I was still so upset that I had lost my files, this is one of them. started recording from scratch sometime in april of this year building off of an unused project sample from september 27 2017. the kalimba sounding synth in the intro was made all the way back then, obviously nothing ever done with it. I think for this song I transposed the key , and then everything else is completely brand new music (at least for this year's spring time). to me the song sounds very "springy", and relates really well with what spring time is like where I live now, it's very green with lots of trees and lush rain. the first half of the lyrics were taken from one of my many facebook posts where I would type whatever random detailed and impossible to understand thought or feeling that came to me (I talked about this too in an earlier post). I can remember what I was writing about (I wrote it in january of this year). I felt a deep sadness, like a nostalgic and wistful sadness. remembering really distant feelings/dreams from my early childhood. the words describe a very specific image i had in my head, which I guess can speak for themselves so I don't have to overshare too much, but this was basically me crying for a certain essential touch which felt very, very distant, and lived somewhere in my deepest memories as a small child. if you read the post before about my song "be happy", these words were composed in the same time. right now in august of 2021 this whole sentiment is kind of not as relevant as before, so me releasing this now feels like unearthing something really old. the reason it took so long to finally release is again, finally finishing every small detail takes forever. in this case it's mostly the vocals that were finished tracking way farther down the line. the second half of the lyrics I wrote in april of this year when It became apparent that "pregarden mayflowers" was going to be a song. in a similar way, the words are touching upon memories that are distant in my past, but not as far back as 4 years old, in the second half of the song I'm yearning for something very specific from when I was 12. I think I remember these lyrics being written for a different sadness song called "spotlight" (you'll be able to hear it soon) because it feels closely connected to those feelings, but in a way it kind of extends the first concept of pregarden mayflowers and ties words to the emotions in the music. there's a certain tonality and melody in the song "spotlight" that is screaming out certain feelings and words and memories, pregarden mayflowers shares that color and melody, so I found that these words fit very well with a second side of the song. when by one side it feels like an elementary dream within a tiny rainy spring dreamscape, on another side (more specifically around the 5 minutes) those melodies feel very remeniscent of things i felt when I was 12/13, which the second half of the lyrics elude to a certain memory from around april when I was 12. this song is part of an EP called "rain chamber" hopefully out soon. now my head is an absolute disorganized mess and I'm not sure what else to comment. lyrics below

-------------------------

i have no words and innumerable sounds of how to rain and how to push the first lilystable down webb green crying. touching on pregarden mayflowers that burst fundamental emotional weather. i am crying to be four years old in lina dreamspring

when times like warm april nights touching our tongues to distant stars, dreamstars we tell each other at night, showing by wordless smiles that we still care. showing by the space between our faces that we will forever. showing by the light in my eyes  just how much i love you ...