Hallo! I’m in Italy.
The filming of TWIST at the Bill Murray went really well. I think I did a solid job of a show I’m very proud of - dropped one thing but remembered to pick it up. Found clothes that worked for the show, which I needed to do as the clothes I’d worn as my stage uniform in edinburgh weren’t going to work.

2023-09-08 10:55:52 +0000 UTC
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The Edinburgh Festival Fringe is over for another year which feels like a big thing of course; the festival is so absorbing and intriguing and fractal and full of wildness that it becomes its own pocket dimension of time and space. It feels like a bigger thing than usual that it’s over, given I don’t plan on doing it next year.
The last Monday show was sold out, which is a really lovely thing to happen as most people think the festival is already over by that point, and ...
2023-09-01 13:32:39 +0000 UTC
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Hallo friends,
Today’s the last day of the fringe. I’m genuinely wrecked and the Wi-Fi’s bad. I’m going to have to pull today’s salon. But there will be a book club on Friday and salon next Monday as usual.
If you’d like to spend an hour in something like my company, there’s a new Tea With Alice up with Aaron Simmonds, who is delightful and interesting to listen to.
Also the gig at the Bill Murray in London where I will be filming twist on 3 Septemb...
2023-08-28 16:23:51 +0000 UTC
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The second Gargle recording was a chaotic delight. I love how visual the jokes get at a podcast recording but yet somehow it still works if you weren’t there. Well, I say somehow. It’s the magic of Chris Skinner and Ped Hunter.

The 2023 Edinburgh Festival Fringe is heading towards the end of its run and there’s the usual feeling where the 3,000+ shows th...
2023-08-22 18:45:31 +0000 UTC
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Past the halfway mark of this festival, by one day. How many days is one day anyway? What with late night calls and daytime naps, it all seems pretty surreal. Still enjoying the show. It’s such a fun balance to walk and audiences have been lovely though Sunday night (Before Day Off) was one of those ones where your mouth quiet quits on you (and the only reviewer I’ve had in so far was there, gross) and last night (After Day Off) the aircon decided to conk out which made me real...
2023-08-16 10:34:13 +0000 UTC
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Hallo! Edinburgh wifi is so bad it’s just deleted this post for the third time.
Short version, no book club today.
The show is going well, I had an epiphany about it last night.
I will have some london shows in September and will update you about all of the above when I have decent wifi and am not losing words to the void.

2023-08-11 12:29:26 +0000 UTC
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The show is feeling good and fun to perform. I’m finding new things in it each time, and it’s enough of a challenge to get the balance right that I don’t see myself getting stuck in it or bored or overconfident just yet.
This week I had in some comedy festival judges (half full room, nice but quiet crowd. I did a decent job; the show was what it was - it’ll either be to their taste or not. The only way I’ll find out is if they come again, and then it’s...
2023-08-09 07:06:21 +0000 UTC
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So, after two preview nights knocking out glitches, getting used to the tech and stage and tinkering with the show, I opened TWIST officially for Opening Night on Friday night.
It may have been the best performance of the show I’ve done so far, which was a very heartening start, though of course last night wasn’t quite as much of a high. I did a solid version of the show, but there were a terrifying number of teens in the front row, which meant that I sort of… slowed the roll of ...
2023-08-06 18:56:06 +0000 UTC
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Right! Sorry to do two updates in one day, but I did say it’d be a bit chaotic for the month of August! Thanks to Sam Streeter for keeping me on the straight and narrow.
First things first, the first Live Salon in Edinburgh is at MIDDAY TOMORROW at the Tea House on St Patrick Square. I’ll be doing one a week for the rest of the fringe. Come, have a cuppa and a chat!
You can subscribe to t...
2023-08-03 11:41:45 +0000 UTC
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Arrived in edinburgh around midday yesterday and had my first preview last night. Probably a mistake, TBH. I was so tired by the end of the day from waking up early pre-train-trip to pack and de-childproof the Airbnb (don’t want to give these jerks anything to complain about, after all) that I handed Laser Fraser off at 7pm just so I could go spend an hour in the dressing room before the show to stare into the middle distance. (My show starts at 8.30).
The middle distance s...
2023-08-03 06:40:29 +0000 UTC
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Hallo, last minute change today for the writers meeting - with the packing and last few days of pre edinburgh seeing people and getting things done logistics have had some undodgeable stuff come up this afternoon and everything else has had to shuffle. Sorry to do it to you at such late notice, but look forward to seeing you if you can make it to the later time (6pm start).
Calendar link etc in the linktree...
2023-07-30 10:06:32 +0000 UTC
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There is one final WIP for Twist at the Jokes on Us Minifringe in Leicester (https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/jokes-on-us/t-krppmnl) on 29 July and then I’ll be catching a train up this strange land towards the wonderful chaos of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
If you’re in London and wanted to come see the show, but missed the previous previews, Leicester is a little less than two ...
2023-07-27 14:28:14 +0000 UTC
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We had a lovely holiday with friends in Switzerland. I filled myself up with cold water swims in mountain streams and walking and talking and hanging out with their new baby and their six year old daughter. Laser slotted right in, patting the baby, following the six year old like a lost duck and advancing her extremely passionate relationship with the horses next door. Idyllic.
On Tuesday morning I was due to fly to manchester for WIP of twist and on Monday night I was packin...
2023-07-20 09:50:20 +0000 UTC
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Hallo friends, it’s hot in London and I made the mistake of heading to a paddling pool with Laser Fraser. A viler swamp of chaos and villainy I have never seen. The Australian water-access-privilege-snobbery kicked in hardcore, and I swept my delicate dumpling away from the scene as swiftly as possible lest she be polluted by exposure to people who think a muddy puddle counts as an acceptable public pool situation.
I wrote a joke once that in Australia, when we go to a bea...
2023-07-08 14:39:24 +0000 UTC
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I am offering paid 1 on 1 consultations, primarily to Patreon people; by primarily, I mean you get preferential booking because slots are very limited.
I’ll try to answer any questions you might have here, and if I’ve left something out that you’d like to know, ask below and I’ll try to answer here.
Why 1 on 1 Consultations?
When I started the Patreon, I used to offer monthly 1 on 1 chats at a certain subscription level. I real...
2023-06-29 12:20:01 +0000 UTC
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Yesterday was exciting because the D’Ancey LaGuarde Reader hit 100% of the pre-sales/support required to make it financially viable as a project (they can afford to print it). More presales now will mean money to me and to the Bugle, which is pretty cool.
https://unbound.com/books/the-dancey-laguarde-reader/
Thanks from the bottom of my bodice go to all the lovely people who have funde...
2023-06-27 17:10:59 +0000 UTC
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Hallo friends!
I just wrote this update to the unbound pledgers on the D’Ancey La Guarde Reader preorder/funding page.
“Well, this is ridiculous. The D’Ancey LaGuarde Reader is getting funded at a pulsatingly swift pace; the pre-orders coming in as hot as a laird in a ripped kilt on a lathered horse.
I sort of can’t believe this book is actually loo...
2023-06-23 17:03:02 +0000 UTC
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Big announcements and exciting news this week. Stay to the end of this post to find out more about this picture!
Also, if you know any podcasts or shows that would like to have me on to plug things, do let them (and me) know!

New Tea with Alice with Melissa Febos - The Traitor MemoryCast
Available on
2023-06-21 14:21:20 +0000 UTC
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On Saturday night I got back from my gig around midnight (the downside of being more of a headliner than anything else these days is that you go “what’s stage time?” And they’ll say “10pm!”) only to find the Airbnb had a previously undisclosed security gate locked between me and the front door of my current abode. To which I hadn’t been given a key.
What a way to find out at midnight that the recipe for almost immediately turning me into a complete mess is to put bars betw...
2023-06-04 12:33:56 +0000 UTC
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I love a book club. Discovering new art and talking about it with people is one of my favourite things! BUT I find that half the time I’m too busy to read the assigned text, so they’re a recipe for feeling like I’m failing to do homework but as an adult in real life. One of my least favourite things!
So the Tea With Alice Literary Salons (book clubs) are a no-prep-zone. We will engage together during the meet-ups with a short story, suite of poems, or other Art Thing, and then tal...
2023-05-31 14:16:00 +0000 UTC
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NEW TWA: Episode 309
I had a lovely time talking to Jesse Thorn about what we choose not to talk about, and Burt Reynolds and sexiness and masculinity and imperfection.
Do have a listen!
Apple: here
Non-Apple: here
and on Youtube...
2023-05-29 13:36:30 +0000 UTC
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For folks wanting to subscribe to the calendar (Google Account required)
https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/0?cid=YWxpY2VmcmFzZXJwYXRyZW9uQGdtYWlsLmNvbQ
For folks that don’t want to subscribe:
https://calendar.g...
2023-05-29 06:37:30 +0000 UTC
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Topic: Writers Meeting and Workshop
Time: May 28, 2023 11:30 AM London
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87585976194
2023-05-28 08:08:21 +0000 UTC
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People tend towards efficiency. By which I do not mean effectiveness. By efficiency I mean the reduction of effort and thought. You forget whether you brushed your teeth this morning but you think you probably did, because you usually do. You don’t let your brain waste time noticing things that you do by habit. Efficiency. It’s a good thing, mostly. You can read words with the inside letters jumbled because you can assume their meaning from the bare outlines....
2023-05-27 19:05:13 +0000 UTC
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Hallo,
I’m taking this week off work. The last week I took off work was when Laser Fraser was born, and that was the weirdest holiday I’ve ever taken, to a strange night land and was also in my own house so I feel like this will be more of an actual holiday.
Apart from this post, and also of course apart from tonight when I’ll be at the comedy cafe in Tokyo doing a “show” (more like a headline set than a solo show for reasons I’ll happily discuss at the nex...
2023-05-18 04:18:04 +0000 UTC
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Just got home from my last Sydney Comedy Festival show. It was a lovely little run, and beautiful to see some of you in the audience (you know who you are).
Links for this week’s things!
Writers Meeting and Workshop:
Time: May 15, 2023 07:30 AM Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney.
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85717127765
2023-05-14 11:56:49 +0000 UTC
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Hallo! Tomorrow I am doing two salons to cater to the current terrible timezone divergence (like a quantum timeline convergence but it means that there’s no way to run a single zoom that doesn’t involve asking either half my patrons or me to wake up in the middle of the night, and that is not currently an option, because I am haunted by the tiny adorable ghost of early morning future (see below)
2023-05-09 10:02:20 +0000 UTC
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Each week I run a writers meeting and workshop. I really enjoy them, and if you’d like to write with me, you might wonder what they involve. Here’s me trying to explain what they are. Feel free to ask questions in the comments and I’ll try to address them.
What happens? What’s the format.
We meet in a zoom room, or occasionally in real life.
The first hour is literally just a writers meeting. We meet, we write.
To unpack a little;...
2023-05-08 21:53:42 +0000 UTC
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Writers Meeting and Workshop
Time: May 8, 2023 08:00 AM Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84697746481
2023-05-07 20:10:52 +0000 UTC
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Tea With Alice 109
Time: May 4, 2023 08:30 PM Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney
link:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88144519910
2023-05-04 05:46:23 +0000 UTC
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