Sadness - smile

just like carmen, youtube banned this video from my channel because of the imagery. (it had pictures of self harm and suicide). that super depressing and self harming and suicidal stuff is so beyond me nowadays so I'm honestly not a big fan of that video and therefore I don't really care that it's gone. Backstory: I actually recorded this song sometime in 2014 (I believe april, because I vividly remember coming up with some ideas or thinking about this song while I was at school on the gymnasium stairs looking out the window.) there was a completely different vocal track on the song at this time (which also judging by the performance, it sounds like I recorded it in april of that year because my technique hadn't developed to what would later be my vocal style on albums like Close). I posted this song on my older youtube channel (before elkiensad) on june 10th 2014. this video is privated but surprisingly still up, and the video is actually the same video as I reuploaded to elkiensad for "smile". the project file was titled "to die alone" and the video on youtube was titled "el mundo será mejor sin mí" (the world will  be better off without me). super dramatic stuff. I rerecorded the vocals with new lyrics in 2015 around august/september, the same time I made "Carmen". the "demo 2015" bandcamp release will also include this song, which I've remastered and am sharing now. this song is about exactly the same thing that carmen was, basically being very emotionally torn about unreachable and unattainable desires in love and heartache, and also jealousy

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I try to smile… I try to show you a fake happiness

but then you say his name…. you say these words that hurt me

words hurt me too much.. I hate these words….

I hate that he still exists to you…

I can’t take this suffering… I can’t take this distance….. I can’t take you being so far away and I don’t even know if you care……

I don’t want to be alone

I don’t want to die alone

please don’t let go

no te vayas…. quédate conmigo… por favor no te vayas…….. no te vayas……. no te vayas……..

no te vayas… no me dejes aqui… por favor no te vayas…………… quedate conmigo………… quiereme……. no me dejes solo……….. di me que siempre estaras aqui conmigo………………………..

(don't go.... stay with me... please don't go... don't go... don't go....

don't go.... don't leave me here... please don't leave.... stay with me.... love me... don't leave me alone... say you'll always stay here with me...........)