Scott Meyer

How to Deal With a Mistake

Some people don’t like it when Rick wins one. The most notable person who doesn’t like it is the real Ric. Once, after a string of comics where Rick made fun of me, the real Ric called me and scolded me for it. His position is that it’s out of character for Rick to win in any way. Personally, I believe Rick needs to come out on top every now and then or the relationship will begin to feel like abuse.

Also, the thing about this particular comic is that it’s true. I looked at my w...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Deal With Disappointment

The main difference between the prison cells in Andor and the crew accommodations in Star Trek: Lower Decks is that the prison cells are larger. Makes you think about the Federation, doesn’t it?

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Learn Your Lesson

I ended up returning the shoes.

Knowing I wasn’t going to be there when they decided whether to take the return or not was surprisingly nerve wracking for some reason. Even though they were brand new shoes, I put more effort into examining and cleaning them before I shipped them back to the distributor than I’ve ever put into readying a pair of shoes before wearing them. When my appearance and self-respect are at stake, I don’t seem to put in any effort, but now that there’s a r...

Authorities 2 - Pre-orders open now!

Just so you know, pre-orders are open for the Kindle edition of my follow-up to The Authorities.

Destructive Reasoning (The Authorities Book Two) picks up a few months after the previous book. It follows the team as they try to stop a killer who has threatened to murder every actor in Hollywood currently playing Doctor Watson in one of the many active adaptations of Sherlock Holmes.

Unlik...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Find Humor in a Terrible Situation

Yes, an elderly relative of mine fell down some stairs. (He is fine.)

Yes, it was at his ophthalmologist’s office. (He is being treated for macular degeneration.)

Yes, he blames the ophthalmologist, who he feels has no business having stairs in the first place, for the reason mentioned in the comic.

Yes, the stairwell wound around the shaft of an elevator that was right next to the stairs.

Yes, he did tell someone that he took the stairs because elevators are, “For...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Narrow Down the Suspects

It’s odd, the Knifeketeer has always been one of my favorite characters to write for, but this is the first comic starring him I’ve come up with for the new run. I have no explanation for that. I guess it shows that if there’s a character you like who hasn’t resurfaced yet, there’s still reason to hope.

Many Superheroes are, essentially, murderers who murder murderers: Wolverine, the Punisher, Deadpool, Thor. (He fights with an electrified hammer. Do you think he’s just tapp...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Discuss a Topic Nobody Wants to Talk About

No, I do not intend to write in detail about bidets here. I want these comments to be at least a little pleasant to read.

I will say this.

Way back in the 1990s, when I first saw a full-featured Japanese toilet on TV, I swore one day I would have one. A few years ago, when I got an advance from one of my books, I finally made it happen. It has now been in our home long enough for us to be thoroughly used to it, and I can tell you that of all of its surprising features, the one tha...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to React to News You've Already Heard

For those who have not heard, Trombone Champ is real, and it’s spectacular.

As those who read the comments know, in the strip Mullet Boss plays the trombone, but in real life it is Ric who has dedicated his life to the way of the slide and spit-valve. I heard about the Trombone Champ, thought it was hilarious, then chose not to mention it to Ric for fear of insulting him. Two days later, he contacted me to tell me ab...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Share a Strange Realization

I’m sure someone will immediately identify some depiction of Bigfoot where the creature attacks primarily by kicking and stomping, but as of this writing, I can honestly say I don’t know of one.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and I can honestly tell you that when I was a child, I was more afraid of Bigfoot than I was of bears, wolves, or mountain lions. It’s entirely possible that if I had been attacked and killed by wildlife, my last thought as I saw the bear running towards...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Show People Your Appreciation

As I may have mentioned, I worked at Walt Disney World for the better part of a decade. I bring it up because (I love talking about Walt Disney World . . . AND) two of the best examples I’ve ever seen of showing an employee how much you appreciate them come from that period of my life. One happened to me, the other did not. One example is positive, the other very much the opposite.

I’ll start with the positive.

I had a few different jobs when I worked at WDW, For one summer, I...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Delve Deeper Into A Seemingly Familiar Topic

I’m fortunate, in that I don’t have any egregious odor problems with my feet, or any other specific parts of my anatomy. At least I don’t believe I do. I grew up near a feed lot, so my sense of smell is permanently warped. It’s possible that if you got Missy alone and asked her, she could identify an odor problem of which I am unaware.

There are many videos on YouTube promising to give you “professional-grade tips and secrets” for how to pack your suitcase. There are special...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Brace Yourself for the Coming Future

In the time since I stopped the comic and I restarted the comic, I have procured an actual They Might Be Giants Flood-Logo shirt. I didn’t really have one back in the day. The one I have now is probably printed on better material than it would have been then. It is definitely larger than it would have been in the 90s. I choose to see that as a good thing. I am a man of greater magnitude, and thus I require more shirt.

When I was a teenager, I made a lot of musical choices that seemed ...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Get Your Money's Worth

My dentist has a flat-screen mounted to the ceiling for us patients to focus on during the procedures. It’s usually showing Great British Baking Show. Having my dentist encourage me to watch a show about delicious looking sweets during dental procedure is either a form of Clockwork Orange psychological experimentation, or at the very least, an attempt at enhancing his job security by making me hungry for things that will damage my teeth.

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to See Something in a New Light

I firmly believe that the amusingly suggestive name is a big part of why the game Cornhole caught on to begin with.

When I was in, oh, I guess it’d be the 5th grade, my school had a large piece of playground equipment made of big logs that had various platforms, slides, ladders and nets. Many of you can picture it, I’m sure. Anyway, one of the guys devised a game, a form of tag, where the player who was “it” would lurk beneath the platforms and would have to reach up through the...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Figure Out Someone Else's Plan

If I say, or even think the phrase “corn maze bonfire,” my brain ends the sentence with a grim headline about the number of people injured or killed.

When I was a kid, the Central Washington State fair was one of the highlights of the year. I was mainly in it for the rides, but I enjoyed the whole experience. The sight of the prized vegetables. The smell of the prized animals. Dipping my hand in the hot tub salesman’s display model to verify that the water truly was hot.<...

One Line from a Future Comic Taken Totally out of Context

How to Explain "Your Deal"

Sea Gal might have the best superhero costume I've ever come up with.

I didn't really think about the fact that both Sea Gal and Older But Wiser Man both have bird-themed hair, but hers is much more evident, being a cross between the classic Flock of Seagulls style and what appears to be an animatronic seagull head. Really, if he didn't explain his attempt to honor the wisdom of the Barn Owl, he could be mistaken for a vampire, or a guy who is into rockabilly.