SpanishRed

When a Man Leaves You In Increments

Fetlife Contract of No Vanilla

Fetlifians have not been pulling their weight as representatives of the kink community. Yesterday, we caught someone swinging from the chandeliers instead of suspended from them, and we smelled the distinct scent of vanilla pods in the Saturday evening dessert, which, by the way, was not even laced with arsenic. Disgusting. And you call yourselves masochists.

The sadists aren’t bothering to leave drawing pins in the corridors anymore, and this morning, I caught seven of them dancing t...

Why Predators Should be Ousted From Events

• Because every time you allow a predator to attend an event, you oust the people they’ve hurt from that same event. Survivors should not have to remove their names from guest lists in order to avoid trauma. Those who cause trauma should stop causing trauma.
• Because all a predator has to do to avoid being ousted is not rape. It’s not that hard. I’ve spent 48 years not raping people, so I can assure you it’s easier than you seem to think.
• Because if you don’t li...
  2024-03-15 06:42:18 +0000 UTC View Post

Signs That Your Brat Definitely Didn’t Bury the Butt Plug in the Garden

• She has streaks of mud on her face and hands. If a brat had buried a butt plug in the garden, answer me one question: Would she wash every trace of mud off her skin? Of course she would, so mud = innocence, especially if the brat in question has a garden spade hidden behind her back.
• She’s prepared you a five-course meal replete with champagne, flowers, and blowjobs. Obviously subs who do this are thanking you for your toy investment, and gratitude and burying butt plugs neve...
  2024-03-14 02:51:23 +0000 UTC View Post

Glowing Reputations and Followings are Often Precursors to #MeToo Moments

Once upon a time, there lived a kinky event host and consent activist we’ll call Steampunk. He knew all the right things; all the complicated and wise things, so I would have recommended him to any sub in those days. I considered him vetted because thousands had attended his events. Thousands knew and trusted him, so surely there couldn’t be silenced victims on the outskirts waiting to share their stories.

Except there were. They just hadn’t spoken out yet.

After years of ac...

Consent Violations Aren't Always Violent Takedowns in Parks

Are You Ethical? Or Just Agist?

When I was 20-something, I developed a crush on a man named Darrell. He was full of magic and innocence. He was also 35. I adored him, and he adored me, but puritanical ideals got in the way. He felt that getting involved with me would be exploitative, so we never moved beyond one casual fling. Some kinds of shame can’t be quashed, so he married An Older Woman™ in the end. His refusal to treat me as an autonomous human was maddening back then, but I’ve learned to appreciate his ethic. 2024-03-12 04:42:50 +0000 UTC View Post

Here's to the Older Man

A rewrite and variation of "Here's to the Crazy Ones" by Steve Jobs

Here’s to the older man—the original. The nonconformist. The peacemaker. The round peg that makes square holes seem inferior. The one who has the depth of a barrel-aged bourbon. He makes his own rules. You can quote him, disrespect him, admire or insult him. The only thing you can’t do is be unaffected by him because he’s found his authenticity. His character has been distilled by time. Men who...

Evolution of an Apology for a Consent Violation

It wasn’t me.

I didn’t do that.

Okay, so maybe I did do that. I’m sorry.

But it was your fault.

Besides, it wasn’t that bad.

Why won’t you take my apology seriously?

I’m a changed man. I went to therapy.

I’m not sorry anymore. You were lying.

This is just an ordinary internet mob going about their bullying ways.

I’m the victim. They cancelled me.

I’m sorry you got hurt, but I’m not a predator.

Okay, so maybe...

I Still Think Back On My Suicidal Era

I Still Think Back On My Suicidal Era

This is Why Kinksters Keep Secrets

This week someone from the vanilla world called BDSM, and my relationship to it, cultish, ugly, and disturbing. He said the mere existence of the kink community was divisive. We’re all just people, after all, so why paste a label on our foreheads as though we’re different from the rest of the world?

The answer to his question is hidden right there in those judgements: we’re “disturbing.” We’re “other”. We’re “sick.”

This community exists because we*are* diffe...

If you’re on Fetlife to other our sexualities, I have a whole list of vanilla sites that are dying to meet you.

These are the functional social networks and dating sites available to vanilla society:

FacebookTwitterPinterestYoutubeWeChatInstagramTikTokTelegramSnapchatWeChatKuaishouRedditLinkedInTruthSocialDreamWidthMeetUpThinkspotPatreonReddit

<direly-needed inhale>

QuoraDiscordTwitchTumblrTinderOkCupidPlentyofFishThreadsMastodonSnapChatFacebookMessengerWeChat

You get the idea. Let me just dab all this blood off of my keyboard.

These are the functional social network...

There's a Special Kind of Purgatory for the Suicides

When the gods created the world, they forgot to leave room for the suicides. People who struggle with suicidal ideation don’t belong with the rest of you. There is a special kind of purgatory that keeps us in isolation. It’s created by those who judge us. We see your criticism and raise you a hundred years of silence.

They say suicide is selfish. This is why my friend, Theo, hid in purgatory when the compulsion to die became irresistible. He knew giving it a voice would attract judg...

Suicide is a symptom

Things to Do When Meta is Down

Fetch water from the well for your morning bath.

Darn your husband’s socks.

Toss the sewage out onto the street like a hygienic 18th-century maiden.

Transcribe the bible in calligraphy.

Make a poppet and hide it in John Proctor’s house.

Cut off your hand if you ever think of him again.

Men, you don’t have to be an expert at all things clitoral. Humility will go down better.

Sexual ego creeps out of every corner ‘round these parts. It's there when a stranger thinks his dick measurements are exceptional. It’s there when five more strangers tout cunnilingus as a rare gift rather than the bare minimum it is. It’s there when he really, really thinks he can make you come 47 times in a row, and it’s there when he thinks the 47th orgasm could possibly be pleasant. He can make any woman squirt. He is different. He’s had the best, the greatest, the most awe-insp...

Not All Men

I Like My Kink to Come With a Whole Truckload of Dirt

I value a depraved mind over any dominant trait. Nothing is sexier to me than a man who has the imagination to bring all his depravity to life. If I had to choose one attribute over any other, it’d be debauchery. Rope is beautiful. Floggers are fun, but men who are disinhibited enough to roll around in their own grimy brains can use any old tool—or none at all.

My sexuality lives in the mud, not at the end of a rainbow. Perversion is my favourite pot of gold. I’m actively looking ...

Boundaries

I’m no longer new to kink, so I’m not smarter than everyone else anymore

When I was new to kink, I was smarter than everybody else. Other people arranged safe calls and got references, but I knew shortcuts. I was clever. Want to know my trick? Stick to the popular set. Socialise with the event hosts and consent activists. They basically have references from 90% of the kink scene, so further vetting has been rendered unnecessary. No problemo.

You may now shag Domly Jack without the hassle of tracking down his ex-girlfriends for references.

I was the Don...

There's Nothing Dirty About Being a Slut

Why do sluts talk so much? Just admit you’re a whore. No one cares what you’re thinking. You're a slut. Thats enough. – random Fetlifian

Oxford Dictionary once defined “slut” as “a woman of dirty, slovenly, or untidy habits or appearance.” That was back in 1402. Three centuries later, Samuel Pepys discovered that maybe sluts were more valuable than society thought. He wrote, “Susan is a most admirable slut, and pleases us mightily.” I don’t know wha...

The World is Not America

A Story that Doesn't Matter

This morning, I’m going to tell you a story that doesn’t matter just as I do every day. I’m going to write about things that happened so long ago I can barely remember what they were like. I’m going to speak about sex, love, and kitchen sinks. I’m going to write about anything except my mother, whose death was a welcome full stop for a sentence full of suffering. I’d tell you how many years she was too agoraphobic to leave her own suburb, but then I’d have to think about the pos...

On Authenticity

Which Vanilla Kink Are We Faking Today?

Sara puts her slut on every morning before she even puts on her shoes. Her vagina is open for business 24/7, especially if you’re a stranger. She has a secretary to manage her social media accounts because how else can she keep up? She throws yesses at every man who writes, and that’s a lot of people to get through. She doesn’t require them to be a single person. Any crowd will do. If you and your partner are looking for a third, Sara’s the unicorn you’ve been waiting for. If you’...

Ableism

Hypergamy isn't What You Think It Is in the Kink Scene

Men often remind me of hypergamy when I write about male dating woes. They tell me the dating scene is perpetrating a great injustice; that women are far too selective about their partners, so we’re effectively rendering 80% of men celibate. They’re utterly certain that if we’re not shagging them, we must be shagging someone hotter. They define “hotter” by their own values rather than ours: We’re choosing wealthy, buff, classically handsome men who own two dogs and a white picket ...

Love...

Spartacus Isn't My Idea of Sexy

Your idea of a hot time might be Spartacus. Muscles, muscles, every where. Me? I’m a West Wing girl, not only for the dialogue, which is genius, but for the hot factor. All that silver hair, those receding hairlines and crow’s feet are my idea of a gladiator pit.

“My name is Maximums Decimus Nerdius, commander of the brainy people of the North, General of legendary vocabulary and loyal domly dom of the sub, SpanishRed. And I will have my sexual gratification, in this life or the n...

Andrew Tate doesn’t want you to get laid. He wants your cash. Your failure is an inbuilt part of the profit-making machine.

Pick up artistry functions around one important premise: If you do the right thing, you will get The Sex. If you don’t get The Sex, it means your approach was bunk, so you’ve got to learn how to behave like a hulking ape – I mean alpha male. You’ve got to appeal to her emotions because women do not provide The Sex based on logic. They only provide it based on Big Dick Energy.

I’m a thinking woman, and I would like a refund please.

Women are not walking Rubik’s Cubes. W...