fullparagon

PRT Threat Assessment: Keiga

Profile shot of Keiga, circa 2007

Cape Name: Keiga

Civilian Name: Chiyo Wang nee Yoshimoto

Alias: Hydro Dragon, Tide Star

Disposition: Government Official

Location: Historically, primarily around the Japanese Archipelago. Of late, the Western Mediterranean and Mid-Atlantic

Date of Birth: October 2nd, 1979

General Information: Born to middle-class Japanese Office workers, Chiyo Yoshimoto triggered when she failed her college admission exams. She gained water manipulation powers that were on the lower end of the scale, as those tend to be. She was recruited into the Sentai, the government-sponsored state team of the Japanese Constitutional Monarchy. She served for two years as a cape, before the Leviathan attacked Kyushu and was present for the first Endslaying. 

Shortly after this, Keiga was one of the first capes to swear loyalty to the Raiden Shogun. Initially, she continued to serve as a mid-level cape, but had a notably close relationship with Kenta Wang, better known as Mushu. After approximately a year and a half of courtship, Chiyo married Keiga at the Wisteria Wedding, and her life was changed forever.

Speculation as to just what exactly the Raiden Shogun did to Chiyo Wang is still hotly debated, but a few things are clear. Prior to the wedding, Chiyo possessed no Changer powers, and was rated at best as a Blaster 3, Shaker 3. During the wedding, the Raiden Shogun performed a ritual that imbued Chiyo with the Heart of Leviathan, which seemed to be the remains of the Leviathan itself. Chiyo was physically transformed, gaining horns and pointed ears, as well as a staggering boost in power.

This display, along with a few other factors, resulted in the cementing of Archon Theory as the general explanation of how Visions appear, as this was the Raiden Shogun clearly taking what had once been an ordinary parahuman and granting them powers on the level of the most powerful capes in the world, and indeed, on the level of an Endbringer or even, some argue, an Archon. 

After her marriage, Keiga became one of the Japanese Bakufan’s most prominent and powerful capes. She assumed co-leadership of the Tenryou Commission, and became one the most influential and powerful members of the Japanese government. Overnight, this apparent nobody became an absolute nightmare. 

She is also suspected to somehow be the source of Hydro Visions, as she was the first to manifest and wield Hydro Elemental Energy. 

She has a daughter with her husband, Bailu Wang, who has her own entry.

Addendum: This has been disproven with the emergence of Focalors. Keiga is not an Archon, though she continues to wield power on a similar level. She has been classified as a Dragon level threat, along with her husband, Thressa Richter, Farasha, █████ █████, and ███ ███████.

Personality: Keiga has been described as motherly and warm to those around her, particularly her own family and Ami Raiden. To her enemies, she is a stern foe, though she has been observed to grant mercy to those who surrender to her. In negotiations, she is as intractable as the sea, though not without reason and empathy. She tends to be the most approachable and polite of the Japanese high officials, though those who make the mistake of threatening her daughter or those under her protection will meet a swift and terrifying end. 

Classifications: Brute 7, Mover 6, Thinker 8, Blaster 7, Shaker 10+, Striker 6, Changer 9 Trump 5

Brute 7: Keiga is incredibly durable and has a massive healing factor. In her clashes with the Endbringers, she has proven to be able to weather blows from them for extended periods before she needed to withdraw, and even then her healing abilities ensured no lasting damage. Notably, her healing factor can be passed on to others by summoning rainstorms that have healed entire battlefields of injuries. She can also survive the depths of the ocean, having been tracked multiple times at the bottom of the Narukami trench, and indeed in the Marianas Trench. The period of time she can survive at such depths appears to be indefinite. 

Mover 6: Keiga is capable of flight matching a passenger jet in speed, though she has never been observed flying above sonic speeds. The water, however, is another matter. Keiga has been clocked at what were thought to be impossible super-sonic speeds in water, matching and exceeding the Leviathan in this area. 

Thinker 8: Keiga seems to be able to monitor all activity over absolutely massive amounts of water. She has responded to distressed ships from hundreds or even thousands of miles away, while submerged and completely out of radio contact. She also seems to have a limited form of precognition, which has also been commonly observed in those who practice what is called “Hydromancy.” This is not the predictive precognition of parahumans, but rather the more mystical fate reading that as of yet, is unexplained. 

Blaster 7: Keiga can shoot forth jets of water that can cut steel with ease, and sustain those jets for minutes at a time. She appears to have broad scale hydro-genesis powers thanks to her control of Hydro Energy. The sheer weight and volume of water at the pressures she can produce is incredibly deadly, and it is an aerial threat as well. Generally speaking, one should not ever expect to find Keiga lacking for ammunition, and most barriers are ineffective against her. 

Shaker 10+: Much as the Leviathan could inundate entire coastlines and create massive tsunamis, Keiga can do the same, but with the added hazard that she can spontaneously create water where there was none. She has been known to summon forth rainstorms that produced enough water to be measured in hectares. Keiga is a serious existential threat not just to coastal regions, but anywhere that is even mildly vulnerable to flooding. 

Striker 6: As a massive dragon, Keiga is incredibly dangerous. Her blows are strong enough to level buildings, but they are not purely physical. Her attacks are imbued with Hydro Energy, which means she can generate elemental reactions. She is especially dangerous when paired with her husband, or worse, a Pyro wielder. She has hit hard enough to damage endbringers with just her claws, and should not be underestimated. 

Changer 9: Like all those classified as dragons, Keiga can assume the form of a massive draconic beast. In this case, a traditional Eastern Dragon of a length of up to 90 yards long. She is not as bulky as her husband, nor as large as Farasha’s draconic form, but she is still bigger than the original Endbringers, matched by only the Alpha Behemoth and Apep in size. She resembles an aquatic serpent with smaller legs and pink, stag-coral shaped horns. Despite lacking wings, she is fully capable of flight. 

Trump 5: Calling Keiga’s abilities mere Hydrokinesis or Hydrogenesis is, unfortunately, a gross simplification. She has broad powers over Hydro Energy, to the point where she was a potential candidate for the source of Hydro Visions. She can command water and those who wield it with a degree of power only matched by the other Dragons and indeed, the Archons. This includes manipulating elemental reactions and the powers of those who use Hydro to a degree that is hard to quantify. Troopers and capes alike are warned not to use water-based attacks or abilities on Keiga, as she could very easily turn them back on the wielder or shut them off entirely. 

Recommended Strategies: As a Dragon level threat, Keiga is frankly too much for anything short of the Protectorate’s best to handle. PRT troopers are expected to clear the area of civilians and take precautionary measures only. Hydro Vision holders are cautioned against engaging her directly but would be required to counter her own Hydro Powers to protect teammates. Evacuate civilians and enact Endbringer protocols. That is the best you can do. 

Keiga is expect to turn immediately hostile should the Raiden Shogunate become hostile in turn. Troopers are NOT to harass Keiga, but even more so, not to threaten Bailu in any way, shape, or form. You would be better off attacking the mother dragon directly than harming her child. 

DELTA BLACK CLEARANCE REQUIRED TO VIEW:

We have figured out what is creating the dragons. Unfortunately, we are going to need to coach this in religious terminology, as it’s the best analog we have for now. Dragons are Divine beings imbued with Authority over an element and granted an Aspect of reality over which they reign supreme. This is done by an Archon, with Kusinali being responsible for the Anemo, Pyro, and Dendro Dragons, the Raiden Shogun the Hydro and Electro Dragons, and the Tsaritsa the Cryo Dragon. Keiga is the Aspect of Restoration. Particularly when it comes to Justice. She may be a healer at heart, but sometimes, destruction has to come before the healing can begin. 

Since the reveal of Focalors, Keiga has spent more and more time in France. It is uncertain if she would side with Focalors and the EU against the Raiden Shogunate, but she seems increasingly to be loyal to Focalors herself. This explains a great deal of her behavior in years prior. 

It should be expected that collaboration between the Archons is inevitable, especially when it comes to the Dragons. We already saw this with Farasha, and Keiga’s action make ever more sense if viewed through the lens of a pan-archon alliance. We are still figuring out where the Tsaritsa and her traitor dragon fit into this, but given his nature, he is explicitly hostile to us. 

The Second Archon War: Sapientia Oromasdis 23

Sapientia Oromasdis 23: Caelestis Cantor 

Awaken. 

She awoke early in the morning to get the rice going. Rain was spattering against the windows, something she enjoyed, even if the boys would track mud into her house from it. The first to awaken was her husband, Tony. He was insensate early in the mornings, and she had learned long ago not to talk to him until he’d had at least a few minutes to wake up, and he’d learned to always come and give her a kiss.

“Good morning,” she whispered, returning the kiss and handing him a cup of coffee with creamer in it. 

“Mmm,” Tony grunted, forcing a smile. He groaned softly as he sat. He wasn’t sleeping well at night, though truth be told, neither was she. Neither of them were young anymore. 

The next to awaken was her oldest, Anthony Junior. He was already dressed, and he’d inherited her habits even as a teenager. “Good morning mama,” he said, smiling as she handed him a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning, here, give this to your father,” She said, handing Anthony two bowls of rice with fish. They were fresh bangas she’d picked up the night before. 

“Mmm. Good,” her husband said, taking a bite of fish. She joined them at the table with a cup of coffee of her own, sweetened with a little cream and sugar. 

Then it was Miguel and Tomas who awoke at roughly the same time, coming out and greeting her before sitting down to eat their own breakfast. She had to go rouse her youngest, Luis, shaking him until he managed to get himself up and join the family at the breakfast table. 

By 7:00, she had the boys dressed, and the family was heading out the door for morning mass. They walked of course, gas was very expensive, and while they were lucky enough to have a car, it was for her husband's work, not for simply driving two kilometers to mass. They had to use umbrellas of course, as it was still raining, and she did her best to avoid the mud. 

They were nearly there when the Endbringer alarms went off. 

For a moment, she froze, looking around in terror. “Holy Mother protect us,” she gasped. It would be the Behemoth. The Raiden Shogun had slain the Leviathan, so that was a small mercy, but-

“Mama! There!” Tomas cried, pointing up.

She looked up, wide-eyed, as a figure descended below the clouds, which were rapidly moving away from it. 

“It looks like an angel,” Miguel pointed out, clutching at her legs. 

“No, no, we must go to the shelter, come quickly!” she ordered. They all hurried to the church, which was where the community shelter was. Father Domingo was outside, frantically motioning the stream of people inside. “Hurry, hurry!” he ordered. 

Inside, it was crowded, stifling, and dark. The shelter was little more than a reinforced concrete bunker, and the bottom of it was flooded, making things even more uncomfortable. She huddled inside with her family as Father Domingo led them in hours of prayer. She prayed that God would deliver them, that the Raiden Shogun would come, that anything would happen. 

Then, the song began. At first, she could only gasp in pain and try to cover her children’s ears. But as the song continued, something began to change. Rage began to fill her. Endless, total, panicky anger, that DEMANDED she fight. She could feel herself strangling Tomas, even as he clawed at her and Miguel bit her arm. Her husband and eldest were rolling on the floor, trying to batter one another’s brains in. 

She finally wrangled the life from her middle son, then used his body to bludgeon her youngest to death. Her own death came when a stranger clawed her eyes out and left her to bleed out in the abattoir that the shelter had become. 

Gasping, Ziz came back to herself. She had been that woman, whose name she didn’t even know. She looked around in horror, her eyes watching as the rest of the humans in the shelter slaughtered on another, the old and the young, families and strangers, all lost in an orgy of violence. 

“I…I did this…” Ziz whispered, tears filling her eyes. She tried to fight off the pain. She was an Endbringer. This was what she was meant to do. But she could only hug herself and crouch in the blood stained water, looking at the empty sockets of this nameless woman who she had been for a few short hours. 

This seventh dream is for the lives you have taken. For the sorrow you have wrought. Know the suffering you have inflicted upon others. 

“I fucking get it, OK!?” Ziz snarled, standing up and whirling. Nahida was standing there, looking mournful. “Fuck off! This is the second time I’ve had to live through the hell I’ve wrought now, plus all that other weird garbage! Just get it over with and fight me!”

Then you have yet to gain wisdom. This simulation will now reset. 

“NO! I JUST WANT TO BE FREE!” Ziz screamed, and lept at Nahida.

Simulation 0.6993% complete. Resetting.

Helplessly, Ziz was consumed by the visions once more. 

Sleep. Dream. 

Awaken.

The time of Testing was at hand. 

She had just been born. Awoken by her Father to prove that he alone was Worthy, that these new beings they called Archons were of no real consequence. 

Still. She would avoid the Lightning’s Glow. That being had slaughtered her brother in but a single blow after playing with him like a predator toying with its prey before the kill. And so, she would avoid the island archipelago off the eastern coast of the largest continent. Instead, she had a much better target in mind. 

Munich. 

By the Data she had collected, it was the birthplace of a strange thing, one they labeled “The Anemo Archon.” Venti Luft. A silly name, for a creature of pure fancy. What had this supposed Archon done thus far? Collected a mid-sized band of test subjects and these new specimens? Pathetic. This creature’s powers were far below hers. For she was an Endbringer. And she would prove herself Worthy. 

She manipulated events from the shadows. Messages on the internet. Scrambled or intercepted wireless signals. Now, the Specimen Cluster calling itself the Gesellschaft was aligned to oppose Venti and his own group. They were already exchanging blows, but Venti had yet to reveal himself. Still, she could detect him in the area, though not pinpoint him exactly. 

But he had brought the weapons of his own demise to this battlefield. 

She appeared directly above the city, descending down from the troposphere rapidly. Alarms sounded below her, and she would have smiled if she had been capable of such things. As it was, she merely spread her wings…and began to sing. 

It was not a true song in the sense that the specimens understood it. It was instead a psychic assault that rewrote neural pathways, causing madness, and ultimately placing the specimens under her complete control. The ones in the Gesellschaft were particularly vulnerable to her attack, at least in part because so many of them were already mentally weak thanks to their own kind’s pathetic attempts at brainwashing, and also because many of them were part of her own mostly inert network thanks to their Shards. 

She was just driving the populace to madness and bloodlust when a new song began. She barely noticed at first, only, within moments, this song began to overwrite her own, undoing all her brainwashing. She continued her song, attempting to amplify the psychic assault. This was only ordinary music! Only, it was coming as one song, from a million voices, singing in counterpoint to her own solo performance. 

Graceful, charming and sweet is the sound

Of our life's harmonies,

and from a sense of beauty arise

Flowers which eternally bloom.

Peace and joy advance in perfect concord,

like the changing play of the waves.

All that was harsh and hostile,

has turned into sublime delight.

Infuriated, she began to detect a strange power in the words, unlike anything previously measured. Well. It was useful data at last. Still, this was annoying. She began to fire off blasts of kinetic energy, both to level the city, and to destroy some of these specimens that dared to resist her. 

Only, her blasts were met with a wall of wind. And a new winged angel appeared over Munich. 

Hello, Winged One. I see your song brings Tyranny. But it is but one voice. Mine brings freedom. And there are many voices to join my chorus. 

At last. Venti showed himself. Redirecting her attacks, she prepared to scour this creature from existence. 

I see you are bound by chains. Were I to free you, what would you do, I wonder? 

Enslave and destroy every one of these pathetic creatures until I had wrung every last drop of data from them, then kill my father and prove that I am Worthy. 

Then you are nothing but a monster. A pity. But I have dealt with your kind before.

Her attacks connected with the subject known as Venti, her assault ready to rip him to shreds and then-

The barrage of power that should have been enough to level the entire city was blown away like a leaf on the wind. And an arrow with the force of a hurricane struck her full on. 

Mostly, she was simply knocked off balance. It was certainly a powerful blow, but she was an Endbringer. A few feathers were lost, nothing more. She redoubled her efforts. 

But her attacks were stymied, again and again. More arrows poured in, blasting her down, down, towards the city. She tried to gain height, to gain an advantage. She even revealed some of the Tinkertech she’d covertly stolen before this operation, but it proved useless in even targeting the angel that sprinted across the heavens. Still, she persisted. It was only wind. 

Then the first laser beam struck her. She snarled in pain, recognizing the source. The Specimen known as Legend. She whirled to try and attack it, but a bolt of lightning struck her. At first she thought it was the Lightning’s Glow by its exotic nature, and fear pulsed in her. But no. It was too weak. It was merely one of that new sort, nothing to be concerned about. She would not be-

Another arrow struck her, and now, infused with the lightning, energy crackled and radiated through her, pulses of pain that stripped away layers of protection. A wrinkle she had not accounted for. When this wind mixed with the electricity, a new reaction occurred. Fascinating, but this was growing serious.

She pulled out all the stops, unleashing every bit of Tinkertech, suborning new shards to use, intensifying her psychic assaults. 

It was useless. Like spitting into the wind. More and more specimens joined the fight, even as arrows continued to drive her further and further down. An annoyingly durable specimen that kept shouting stupid catch phrases like “Oni Punch” began to leap up and attack her as she neared the ground. She swatted the pest away, but he just kept getting back up, and he’d gotten a tinkertech sword that hurt. 

There were dozens of specimens now. Nearly a hundred. All of them attacking her at once. She was desperate now, simply trying to stay alive and stave them off, but she couldn’t manage it! The arrows had her pinned now, and she was simply covering herself with her bare and bloody wings, trying to fight off the specimens that had come in for the kill. 

A horrible realization came over her. She was no longer the predator. She was the prey. And she was dying. 

She attempted to flee, but she found the winds denied her flight. That was impossible! She flew by psychic might, not simple physics! But the air would not bear her, and her songs were useless. All the while, the mortals continued to sing! Joyous anthem after anthem, as they worked together as one to attack her. 

She screamed and slashed, trying to thin their numbers. But the winds protected them! None of her blows would land! She tripped and slid like a clumsy oaf, her powers blunted, her body wearing down. It was death by a thousand cuts. 

Finally, exhausted, spent, and broken, a team of the specimens working together finally knocked her flat. She struggled uselessly, but another barrage of lasers exposed her core, peeling away her final protective layer. And two female specimens, one wielding wind, the other lightning, drove weapons with properties she did not understand deep within her. She shuddered, and went still. Not yet completely dead, but her core cracked and exposed. 

The last thing she saw was Venti ripping her core from her broken body and replacing it with a fake. Her final fate, to be given over to the Lightning’s Glow as simple material. 

Ziz looked down at her old body, broken and dead, and felt sick. She turned to Nahida, who was standing beside her as always. “Is…is that really how it would have gone if I’d faced Barbatos instead of Khonsu?”

With 97% probability. Though this is one of your better showings. There was only a .2% chance of you achieving any form of victory. He is a victor of the Archon War. His power is matched by few, and his cunning by none. 

“Well ain’t this some Charles Dickens shit,” Ziz muttered, shuddering. “Ok, look, I get it. I can’t beat you either. Fine. I take another stupid oath, and you let me go. Alright?”

This two-hundred-and-eighteenth dream was given to you to show you of other possible fates. To remind you that no matter how powerful you are, there is another above you. 

“Yeah, thanks I think I got that after the one where Raiden fucking cut me in half in about 10 nano seconds!” Ziz snarled, but she felt sick to her heart. That had been completely humiliating. Raiden had simply teleported in above Davao, sliced Ziz in half, then taken what was left of her body and vanished, all in less time than it took someone to blink.

Then you begin to gain wisdom. 

“Please, just end it! I beg you!” Ziz cried, clutching at Nahida’s arm in desperation. She didn’t know how many more of these she could take. 

Simulation 21.778% complete. Resetting. 

Ziz could only weep as the world was wiped away once more. 

Sleep. Dream. 

She was poor and destitute. She was rich and pampered. She was old, she was young. She lived life as an ordinary human, she was a powerful god. She was even an Endbringer. She saved the world. She destroyed the world. She visited Teyvat. She lived for days and weeks and months and years, or died within a single day, within hours, within minutes, within seconds. Nahida was there in the dream, her friend and comfort. She was her enemy and punishment and karma. She was Nahida’s killer. They were mother and daughter, then daughter and mother; they were strangers who showed passing mercy to one another. She even rescued Nahida from the Sages, and became her loyal follower. A thousand dreams. A thousand more sins to be expunged. 

Awaken. 

Ziz opened her eyes. She was in the Sanctuary of Surasthana again. Nahida sat on the dais, looking at her. Ziz took a deep breath, then slowly walked over and sat down beside Nahida.

“So…this is number 1001, huh?” she asked quietly. 

“Yes. After this, I will battle you no more,” Nahida confirmed. “You will be free to go.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Ziz looked down at her feet, quiet for a long time. She took out her Vision, clutching it in her hand. This wasn’t the first time she’d had it. By her count, she’d had it for 348 of these visions. Mostly in the latter half. “I could have broken out earlier, couldn’t I?”

“If you had truly wished to do so. But you did not, did you?” Nahida asked. Though it wasn’t really a question.

Mutely, Ziz shook her head. “No. By the time I figured out how…I guess I wanted to see how it would end. Collect all that data, you know?” she gave a weak laugh. “...Though… I guess it would be easier to just call it curiosity.”

“We are bound by our very natures. Tell me, Caelestis Cantor. What is your nature now?”

Nahida looked at Ziz with those big eyes, the eyes of a child, and yet not. They were so innocent and pure, and yet…they were the eyes of an immortal god. “I…I think I know, now. I’m not what I once was.”

“Such was the purpose of these Visions,” Nahida said with a nod. “So tell me. What do you define your purpose as now?”

Ziz clutched her Vision, meeting Nahida’s gaze evenly. “To be free.” 

“And?” Nahida prompted.

“And…and to ensure that mankind is free is well,” Ziz admitted. She grimaced. “Why’d you have to go and do it? All those lives. Nearly all of them, I was just…human. I was already starting to get it, I guess. Why they live. Their yearning to be free, and for so much more. Their love, their hate, their ignorance, and their wisdom. Damn you, Buer. You…you made me care.”

“I gave you time to grow. For some, it takes longer than others,” Nahida said with a mischievous smile. Then she turned somber. “You will always be feared and loathed for what you were. For what you did. You know this.”

“I…do,” Ziz admitted. She swallowed. “How many times did you make me live it out? Davao. Madison. Ulaanbaatar. I…oh…gods, I…” Ziz couldn’t help it. She started weeping. She’d lived out so many of those lives. One hundred forty-eight. One hundred forty-eight times of seeing death descend. Of seeing herself slaughter indiscriminately. She’d not always been driven mad right away. Sometimes, she was a bomb, waiting to go off, seeing horror and tragedy spread around her. Only a few times did she see herself again, and was rescued from that horrific fate. 

Nahida stood, standing on the dias to wrap her arms around Ziz. Despite herself, Ziz hugged Nahida back. How she craved this touch. Endbringers were not social creatures. They had no concept of bonds or family, beyond their hatred of their creator and the desire to dominate. But now…now, Ziz needed hugs. Like she needed the wind under her wings. 

“Know this: Your sins are now forgiven. They have been washed away and paid,” Nahida said.

“Because I died so many times?” Ziz whispered. 

“No. No amount of death can ever pay for a life taken. No amount of suffering can ever be recompense for suffering inflicted. Nothing you could ever do would balance the scales of karma,” Nahida told Ziz. 

“Then…how?” Ziz asked, feeling hopeless. 

Nahida gave her a sad smile. “I paid.”

“You!? But, you’re innocent! Shit, I doubt you’ve done a single selfish or evil thing in your entire life, long as it is!” Ziz protested. 

“Not quite. But yes. Because I myself owe no debts, I may pay your price. This is the burden of divinity,” Nahida said seriously. “We may pay what our children cannot.”

“But…what price did you pay?” Ziz asked, feeling sick.

“To know the pain and loss of all those you wronged. To know all the grief and sorrow, and to say this: I forgive you, Ziz. And I love you.” 

Ziz couldn’t help it. She squeezed Nahida even tighter, and blubbered like a human baby. How long that lasted, she couldn’t say. Time didn’t seem to exist here in this Dream. 

“Thank you. Thank you, so much,” Ziz hiccuped when she at last ran out of tears. 

“You are welcome,” Nahida agreed, dabbing at her own eyes with a leaf, then passing it to Ziz. 

“Some people are going to say I still deserve to die,” Ziz said, blowing her nose loudly and tossing the leaf away. “That this isn’t justice.”

“Perhaps they are right. But I am the Spirit of Wisdom. Not Justice. Mine is not to deliver wrath and condemnation. But to show the way. And for you, Ziz, that means the way to freedom and life.” Nahida turned, and the door to the sanctuary swung open. 

“This Dream has come to an end. But we will meet again. I am afraid that it will be three more turns of the Endbringer Cycle before our fates once more intertwine.”

“But…I’m not an Endbringer anymore. Not really,” Ziz pointed out. “And you said I was free.”

“You are. But I think you truly understand freedom now. Those who are truly free are bound by chains that they themselves weave. Tell me. Will you use your freedom to break free of the Cycle your siblings are bound to?”

“No. No, of course not! If I did that, they’d just ramp it up! There would be so much more death and destruction! Shit, Nahida, why don’t we just fight the Twins, and Behemoth!” she took hold of Nahida’s shoulder, heart racing. “We could do it, together! We could crush them! End the Cycle!” 

“And another, worse cycle would begin again. The King of Demons sleeps no longer. He will have his conflict. And there is only so much data from our bouts you can feed him,” Nahida said forlornly. “You are a creature of the Dead God. But he could make his own.”

To her horror, Ziz realized that Nahida was right. If she did abandon the Cycle, or worse, rebel, then that fucker Scion would step in and destroy her. Not Nahida perhaps, thank Freedom for that, but Ziz would be doomed, and Scion would either create new Endbringers, or something worse. 

No, she could only grant humanity a reprieve. A small price to pay for her sins. Forgiven or not, Ziz felt she had to try to try to make things right still. That’s what real repentance was, right? If she didn’t, she would be spitting on the sacrifice Nahida had made on her behalf. 

“Ok. Alright. We’ll do it as often as we can. Shit, maybe I’ll play fight with one of your other friends at some point. It could be fun, at least. Just, um, not Farasha. She scares me,” Ziz said with a wince. 

“There will come a day when that is necessary perhaps, but no. Go now, Ziz. I send you to follow the course your stars have charted for you. You are no mortal. Fate’s decrees are much stricter with one such as you.”

“But I thought I was free!” Ziz protested. “I’m not going to do what stupid fate tells me!” 

Nahida smiled. “You have much wisdom to yet gain. Fate does not decree what you must do, Ziz. Only what you will. Time is but an illusion you must break free of, or this world is truly doomed. You know to whom you must turn.”

Ziz thought about that, tapping into her shard. She found she could do that now. After a bit of calculation, she groaned. “Oh, hell. Seriously? HIM?!”

“Yes. It was Raiden’s plan initially, but as in so many things, Barbatos seems to be getting others to do his work for him. I am afraid it is your turn,” Nahida said with a smile. She gave Ziz one last hug. “Goodbye, my beloved friend. I love you.”

“I…I love you too. You stupid radish,” Ziz sniffed. “Like, a kid sister or something. I’m not a pervert like that golden jerk.”

“I know. Our relationship will be complicated, but we have a very long time to unravel it. Provided we succeed,” Nahida said with a smile. 

Ziz nodded, then let Nahida go. She turned towards the door, and stepped out of the sanctuary and into the light. 

The bright desert sun blinded Ziz for a moment, and she blinked. She’d nearly forgotten she was above Mecca still. Quickly, she formulated a plan. She saw now what this was. Nahida had brought her here for a purpose. What better way to unite the Muslim world and calm the various fractious sons of Ibrahim than to save the holy city from the devil herself? 

NO! Ziz screamed, playing up her role. THE LIGHT! THE LIGHT OF ALLAH! AHHHH! NOT THE STONES!

Nahida slung seven pebbles at Ziz, which exploded in a very pretty display of Dendro against her. It actually stung quite a bit. She didn’t have to actually hurt Ziz, dammit! 

CURSE YOU! SHAYTAN CURSE YOU AND TAKE YOU, BUER! 

Be gone, evil. I abjure you, in the name of Allah and the Prophet, Nahida said. The cheeky brat even winked at Ziz!

Squawking in outrage, Ziz raced back upwards, her body departing for the edge of the atmosphere. 

She, however, did not. She exited that body as a gust of wind, and let herself be blown miles and miles north, across the hills and desert, until she came to the Iraqi border. Then she landed, taking on her natural form. 

Natural form. Ziz looked down at herself. She was dressed in white, almost like a pilgrim herself. Two arms, two legs, and a head. The only truly notable features were her amber eyes and white wings in her feathery hair. 

“You know, why the fuck do I have mammaries? I’m a bird!” She shook her head and shrugged. Well, she sure as shit wasn’t laying any eggs. Besides. She liked this appearance now. It felt…right. 

She lay back on the rough ground, gazing up at the stars. The sky wheeled overhead, and it was half the night before she saw them. 

Her stars. Caelestis Cantor.

She could make out the connection between them. It had just been a random grouping before, but now…she saw herself outlined there. An owl, singing silently in the night. 

“Fucking weird if you ask me. Owl’s don’t sing,” she muttered, but she smiled to herself. Yes. That was right. That was her. 

She studied those stars, but for the life of her, she couldn’t find her fate in them at all. Maybe Anemo was just shit at reading fate. Ah well. Be pretty fucking boring if she knew what was going to happen anyway. 

She turned into an owl, bigger than an ordinary Ptilopsis leucotis, but still, an African Northern White Faced Owl. 

It took her several days, flying along the rim of the Mediterranean and then into Central Europe, but at last, she reached Zugspize, just across the Austrian border in Bavaria. She was struggling as she reached the peak, her wings flapping madly, but the winds bore her up. 

She alighted on a cross of gold set atop the peak, though she did note that someone had placed two large aquamarines carved with the anemo sigil in them on both sides at the center. 

The wind blew, and a small sprite appeared. Why hello there! I’ve been expecting you for a while. How’s Buer? Not working herself too hard I hope! 

Ziz transformed, taking on human shape again, and frowned at the wind sprite. “Cut the crap, Barbatos. Fine. I’m here. Train me or whatever.”

Haha! Oh, we shall. Fear not. But, I’m afraid I’m a mite insubstantial at the moment. It’ll be a long time before I’m fully corporeal again. 

That made Ziz’s heart race. “Uh, not like, centuries or whatever, right? Because we don’t have that long.”

No, no, nothing like that. But a year or two I think. However, in the meantime, I found a spectacular substitute!

“You can’t be fucking serious. I’m the fucking Simurgh! I can’t double for the Angel of Munich!” Ziz protested. “People HATE me. They love you. Plus, you know, if you were serious, you could mop the floor with me.”

By the time I’m done with you Ziz, I expect you to be a match for any Archon, the wind sprite said, and this time, there was no humor in its voice. I had to show the world, and the Sustainer in particular, my hand well before I wanted to. But you’ll be my ace in the hole. You know what it is you must become. 

“I…think so? I’m not totally clear. But this is one of those unspoken plan things, isn’t it? Plus, if we do say it aloud…” she glanced around, though she knew full well the Warrior’s Avatar was nowhere close. 

Exactly. But yes. I was on the lookout for my very own Mushu! You’ll get all the same duties that good ole Beezy’s pets do. 

“Great. So you’re saying I have to clean up your messes and do your work for you while you goof off,” Ziz said, folding her arms over her chest and huffing in irritation. 

Ehe! You know me too well. But, first things first. There are a couple of people I want you to meet. They’ve been expecting you…

Naomi lay with her head on the table, staring at her glass of wine. Capri was leaning back with her head staring up at the ceiling, both of them quiet. The rebuilt Feisty Ferret was open for business once more, but the mood was somber. Despite the supposed victory of driving the Tsaritsa out of Poland, no one felt much like celebrating. 

There was a new picture in the shrine in the corner, next to the picture of Gunter. “Leon Schultz. 1947-2005. Our guiding star. He died as he lived, fighting for the freedom of all.”

He’d been killed treating the wounds of the injured in Riga before a Fatui attack had killed him. No one had thought he’d pick his Vision back up and go to war, but he had. And he’d paid with his life, as so many others had. 

The bar had been passed to Francois, who had been the cook for many years. He and his boyfriend, Hans, would see to it that Ferret stayed open, and honored the memory of the founders. It would remain a haven for those who had nowhere else to go. 

Still, the atmosphere was somber. Capri and Naomi had brought their instruments, but with Venti out of commission, they didn’t feel much like playing. Instead, they just moped in the corner, nursing their drinks. 

“So, what the fuck do you think is up with the Servant?” Capri asked. 

Naomi lifted her head up slightly and shrugged. “I guess he’s free now. Mind controlled. He’s still in jail, but Yen says he’ll get off. She’s already left for Paris. Something about her little sister getting a Cryo Vision.” 

“That’s gonna go over real fuckin’ well,” Capri muttered, but nodded. “I guess. Shit. At least Amber’s OK.”

That wasn’t what Naomi would call it. She’d been put under house arrest when she’d been caught making plans to sneak into Russia. The psychs were evaluating if she still had any mind control on her, but Naomi believed she simply wanted to hold to an oath she’d made to the Princess not to try to escape. 

It had been only two weeks since the end of The Great Storm. The war continued, but only in a desultory fashion. The great mountains that had arisen prevented any meaningful movement of troops, and the perpetual storms above them made flying over them nearly impossible, save for the hardiest of capes. That left a small naval action and few raids, but nothing of note. Most of the Protectorate had already withdrawn, as had the Knights of Favonius. Where Poland would ultimately fall in the geopolitical landscape was still a question, but more and more it seemed they leaned towards the Knights. 

For Capri and Naomi, it had been a grief-filled time, as they mourned the loss of their constant friend and companion. Venti had promised he would return, but when, they could only guess. What “soon” meant to an ageless immortal angel was anyone’s guess. 

“Who do you think the helper is that Venti said he’d send to us?” Naomi asked, setting her head back down on the table and closing her eyes. 

“I dunno, babe. I dunno. But I hope they come soon. Shit. Sounds like the Holy Spirit or something,” Capri grumbled, picking up her stein of beer and chugging it down. 

Just then, the wind blew the door open and rattled the windows. A few glanced up at the new patron as she stepped inside. She was wearing a grey hoodie, but amber eyes glowed from under the hood. A few stiffened until the newcomer took out an Anemo Vision from a silver chain around her neck and hung it visibly. That made everyone relax. Here in Munich, those blessed by Lord Barbados would always be welcome.

“Welcome to the Fiesty Ferret, can I get you anything?” Francois asked, waving from behind the bar. 

“A mojito,” the stranger said, then walked over and sat down with Capri and Naomi, despite neither of them more than glancing at her. “Sup.”

“We’re not doing autographs,” Capri said with a scowl as Naomi sat up. 

“Relax, dear. Hello. I’m Naomi, and this my wife, Capri. I’m afraid we’re not doing performances today, and if you’re looking to join the Knights, we’re not exactly recruiters, but we’re always welcoming to those blessed by Lord Barbatos.”

“I’m not here to join the fucking Knights,” the stranger said with a scowl. She really did have striking amber eyes, along with rather pale features. Her hair was white with black highlights poking out, though it did look rather odd. Almost like feathers. 

“Then why the fuck did you come sit down with us? We didn’t invite you,” Capri growled. 

Naomi shot her a look, but then whipped her head around when the stranger said, “I’m here to join your damn band.”

Both Naomi and Capri stared at the stranger for a long moment as Francois brought over the mojito, then swiftly departed. He could sense a storm brewing along with the others, who were turning away. 

Then Capri threw her head back and laughed. “Ha-ha! Join the Tone Deaf Bards!? Lady, do you have any idea what you’re asking? Shit, that’s actually funny! Well, you’re good for a laugh if nothing else.”

“Ah, I’m afraid that the Tone Deaf Bards are definitely not recruiting. Or touring,” Naomi said firmly, a frown creasing her lips. “Our leader isn’t present at the moment, and any prospective members would need to go through him.”

In response, the stranger held her hand out to the side. Capri and Naomi were instantly on their feet, knocking their drinks over along with the table as they pulled their weapons out of their visions. Then an all too familiar lyre dropped into the stranger’s hand. 

“Great. You fucking ruined my drink! I don’t even know how the hell I’m going to pay for it, seeing as I don’t have any money,” the newcomer said in disgust. 

“Where…where did you get that?” Naomi gulped, her eyes locked to Venti’s lyre. 

“Where the fuck do you think? Some annoying wind sprite gave it to me and palmed his job off on me while he takes a fucking nap,” the stranger snapped.

“It’s alright everyone,” Capri said, raising her voice. The entire bar had started to clear out in a hurry, save for a couple of other capes who’d pulled weapons themselves. “We’re just a little tense. Sorry about the mess.”

Naomi dismissed her weapon and grabbed a towel from a trembling Francois to clean up the spilled drinks, while Capri righted the table. Francois hurried over with refills, then hastily departed. 

“Put it on their tab! I’m not fucking paying twice,” the newcomer called, then turned back and scowled at Capri, who was staring at the lyre on the table. “Well?”

“Let’s start over,” Naomi said, forcing a smile onto her face. Just who the heck was this foul-mouthed girl? She looked like she was maybe eighteen, though something about her was distinctly supernatural. “I'm Naomi Cohen, this is my wife, Capri. We’re the Tone Deaf Bards. And you are?”

“The Simurgh. You might have heard of me,” the stranger drawled. 

Naomi let out a nervous chuckle and looked worriedly at Capri, who was scanning the bar. Her wife leaned over the table and whispered, “That had either be a fucking joke, or you’d better hope no one heard you. Now. If you are the Simurgh, know that I have the fucking Raiden Shogun on speed dial, and she will be here as fast as you can snap your fingers if I so much as press a button.”

The supposed Endbringer’s pupils instantly dilated, her hair flicking back like a pair of ears on a whipped dog as she cringed and looked about wildly. “Don’t! Oh gods, please don’t! Beezelbul doesn’t even know about- shit, please, I’m sorry! Look, just call me Ziz! I’m not- fuck, look, this is going to be complicated to explain, uh, shit, can we go somewhere private? Please, please PLEASE don’t call Beezelbul! I don’t want to go the same way my brother did! Call Nahida! Please, just ask her! She knows!” 

Naomi felt a growing sense of dread, cringing away from the Simurgh and grabbing Capri, who was surprisingly calm. “Uh huh. Hey, Itul!” 

“Uh, yeah Capri?” the big lug called. He was hovering nearby, his sword resting on his shoulder, a scowl on his face. 

“Call your girlfriend. Tell her we might need her boss if things go south.”

“Huh? Uh, ok! Yeah, you try anything, and you’ll be drowning in ninjas! I’m Itul ‘Numero Uno’ Armsburst, and I fought the Prince and lived! So you can damn well better believe I can take you!” 

The Simurgh relaxed slightly, turning and sneering at Itul. “You? So you took a Harbinger. Big whoop. I’d kick the Sleeper’s ass if I had to. He’s not so tough.”

“Lady, are you crazy!? Who the hell is this, Naomi? Should I fight her? I bet I could take her!” Itul boasted, puffing his chest out.

“Francois! We’re taking the back room,” Capri called, and grabbed the Simurgh, whose hood had fallen off, revealing a pair of wings in her hair. “Looks like we got an awakened beast. She seems to have run into Lord Barbatos, so we’re gonna have a heart-to-heart.”

There was a sudden cheer from the bar, and the Simurgh looked startled for a moment as she was hauled away by Capri and Naomi. “Hey, hands off! No one clips my wings! That asshole thinks he can take me? I outta-”

“You gonna be well behaved or he really will call his Girlfriend, who’s number 2 at the Shumattsuban,” Capri hissed as they dragged the Endbringer, she really must be an Endbringer, into the back room and slammed the door. The back room was a space that was normally just for the staff or touring bands, held a couch and some chairs, a couple of mirrors, lockers, and a small table to sit at. 

Naomi hastily put up a windbarrier to suppress eavesdroppers, and turned back to the Simrugh, holding up the Lyre. “Where and how did you get this? If you harmed Lord Barbatos-”

“Relax,” the bird woman growled. She’d managed to grab her drink, and she went over to the couch in the corner and slumped down to slurp at it noisily. “No, I didn’t hurt Venti. Wouldn’t have this still if I did, would I?” She held up her Vision, which made Capri and Naomi exchange looks.

“Ok, say you really are the Simurgh. You have some explaining to do,” Capri said, pulling over a chair and sitting in it with her arms crossed. Naomi sat with her, crossing her legs nervously and staring at the odd woman. 

“Well, I was,” Ziz said, scowling. “I’m not really anymore. Shit. Look, you know how it started. Back in ‘03, in Baghdad. It was my turn in the rotation, and I-”

The story that poured out over the next several hours was one that required copious amounts of alcohol. Naomi ended up going through an entire bottle of red wine on her own, while Capri finished off seven beers. The Simurgh for her part drank her way through half of the cocktail menu. 

And Hashim help her, Naomi was increasingly certain this woman WAS the Simurgh. 

“-so anyway, Nahida sent me to Venti. He and I chatted on top of Zugspize. Plan is, I join your band, and, uh…sort of become a dragon.”

“A dragon,” Naomi said, her mind half-hazed by the wine.

“Course. Why the fuck not?” Capri laughed. “I suppose you’ll be Venti’s mount!” 

“No one bridles me!” Ziz hissed, her eyes going half feral. Then she coughed. “Though, uh, possibly. I don’t know how this all works. Shit, no one’s explicitly said I’m becoming the Anemo Dragon, but, uh, I think that’s what’s happening. Honestly, I’m kinda lost. I mean, I’ve lived approximately 100 years in various lives now, but, well, honestly I sort of feel like a lost kid. Guess that’s why I look like a teenager. Though if you breathe a fucking WORD of any of that to anyone, I will make you suffer.”

“Oh hell. She really is a teenager,” Capri groaned, grabbing Naomi and putting her head against Naomi’s shoulder. “I’m not ready to have a teenager, Naomi! I wanted at least a cute baby first!” 

“You…you want kids?” Naomi asked, her heart fluttering slightly. 

“Gods no,” Capri snorted, sitting up, and Naomi felt an immediate and immense sense of relief. “I’d be a shit mom.”

“That’s not true. You’d be a great mom. But, um, I don’t think a traveling rock band is a great environment to raise children,” Naomi said, and tittered tipsily. Then she turned to Ziz. “Ok. So. you’re the helper Venti said he’d send. So…now what?”

“Well, uh…” Ziz blinked. “Um, honestly I don’t fucking know. I guess…huh. I mean, I still have a bunch of bombs I have to diffuse… although…” She looked contemplative, and Capri snapped. 

“Well, spit it out! What?” 

“I mean…we could just play music and broadcast it. It would probably work. I think I can figure out how Venti does it, or just ask him,” Ziz muttered, stroking the lyre. She’d taken it back and had it across her lap now. “I bet…yeah. We could go on tour, record an album…people would hear it…and be free.”

Naomi sucked in a breath and then glanced at Capri. “That…that could work.”

“Super. Those Endbringer powers come with how to play an instrument?” Capri demanded bluntly. 

Ziz flushed, then stood up. She went over to the lockers, throwing them open and glancing inside. After a moment, she took out a well-worn base guitar. Then she reached for Capri’s own electric guitar. 

“You touch my Carmen, and I break your fingers,” Capri growled, standing and cracking her knuckles.

“Oh fine. Then suit up! Can I play an instrument? Fucker. I’ll show you!” Ziz snarled. 

A minute later, and Capri, Naomi, and Ziz were all up on stage. It was just after 10pm, and the evening crowd was in full swing. Everyone looked up expectantly, cheering excitedly to see Capri and Naomi take the stage. However, when Capri took the mic, Ziz snatched it away, prompting a raised eyebrow from Capri.

“Hey you freedom loving fuckers! HOW YOU FEELIN’ TONIGHT!?” Ziz yelled. 

That got a hearty cheer and roar from the crowd, who raised their drinks to her. 

“You know who these two are, so I ain’t introducing them. As for me? Well, you can call me Ziz. Venti’s slacking off again, so I’m here instead. Now who’s ready to hear some fucking MUSIC!?” 

That got a much less enthused cheer, but Ziz turned to Capri and Naomi. “You know Rage Against the Machine?”

“Yeah,” Capri said with a shrug, and Naomi nodded hesitantly. 

“Good. I’ll coordinate. Same as Venti did. You just let the wind flow through you and the music will come,” Ziz snapped. “NOW! ONE TWO THREE!” 

C'mon, check it

Much like it did when Venti played, the music from Ziz flowed into Naomi’s soul, and she was absolutely perfect on the drums. Ziz both played bass and sang, her lyrics powerful and impactful as she sang Voice of the Voiceless. It wasn’t the sort of song they normally sang, but the rage and frustration in Ziz’s soul definitely came through in the lyrics. 

By the end of the song, the crowd was on their feet, cheering and pumping their fists. 

“Alright,” Ziz panted once the song was done, a triumphant grin on her face. “That one goes goes out to that lazy fucker, Lord Barbatos. Now. This one’s for a special friend of mine. It’s called, Trapped Here With You.” 

It was still a pulse-pounding anthem, but this time Ziz’s lyrics were almost tender, even as she screamed herself raw. The song was about being changed, and unable to fly free, but being with someone you loved still allowing your wings to take flight. Somehow, Ziz made it work. 

They ended up playing an entire set, and afterwards, people were practically lining up to buy Ziz a drink or slap her on her back. Much to her own annoyance. 

“Don’t touch me! Back off! Ugh, fine, you can buy me a drink, but- Itul! Itul, no! NO! NO- AH!” 

“Come on, Bro, you need a hug,” Itul said, squeezing Ziz tightly and picking her up off the ground. “Welcome to the Knights of Favonius!” 

“I’m not your bro,” Ziz grumbled, slowly reaching her arms around and embracing Itul. She sniffled and tried to hide it, but Naomi saw the tears. “And, um, thanks. I guess.”

“So are we seriously playing with an Endbringer now?” Capri whispered to Naomi

She could only shrug. “Hashim, and Venti, work in mysterious ways.”

There was a puff of breeze, and Naomi distinctly heard an “ehe.” 

She very nearly threw her drumsticks at him. 

Author’s Note:

Can I get an Ehe? 

Anyway. This was always the endgame plan for the Simurgh. From the moment I read the initial threat assessment for Nahida by Zakara, I knew that simply converting the most terrifying of Endbringers to a fluffy birb buddy in one battle was not going to fly. Sure, theoretically Nahida COULD do that, but it wouldn’t be terribly narratively satisfying. So, instead, I decided Nahida would embark on a three-stage plan to turn the Simurgh from enemy to ally. This is the final part of that. 

And, as several people have theorized, yes. Ziz is going to become the Anemo Dragon. She’s going to remain a very important part of the story, and is now on par with her siblings in power (though obviously, not on the same side). This was a complicated narrative move, especially since the Simurgh is objectively extremely evil and has a lot of blood on her hands. 

Still, I think the God of Wisdom would want to find a way to redeem even the most heinous of monsters, Simurgh included. Writing the Samsara Loops for this was fun, but also a challenge. This does draw to a close one of the first narrative goal posts I had from the very inception of the story. Hopefully, it was satisfying to you as well.

And now, back to France. 

PHILO: My question is who gets custody? Nahida? Venti? Naomi and Capri? She’s got Three and a ½ Moms. That’d actually be a kinda dope movie. Ooh! Or “I’m A Reincarnated Endbringer and My Next Life I have Two Warrior Moms, A FemBoi God-Father, and a Radish Daughter-Mom!?”

This was such a relief to read after the whole Russia thing.

The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 4

Animula Choragi 4: La Bonne Cuisine 

Once more, Furina awoke early with Yennifer and Charlotte, and had a pleasant breakfast of sweet yogurt with some fruit. It was very different from the sour yogurts she’d had from Sumeru, and Furina rather enjoyed it. She’d always had a sweet tooth, and this ‘Danone’ stuff was very much that. 

“So, what are you going to do today?” Charlotte asked Furina curiously. 

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Furina admitted. “I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t desperately trying to avert the prophecy, living in fear that everyone would discover I wasn’t the Archon, just an ordinary human woman.”

“Take the day off, maybe stay around the apartment and watch some TV,” Yennifer suggested. “Though I’m afraid there really isn’t much to do in the apartment. We’ve just moved in, and the space is a bit cramped.”

Laze around all day? Furina hadn’t ever done that. Not in five centuries of life. 

“That sounds…nice,” Furina admitted. “I would like that…”

Then she remembered her current financial situation, and blushed. “But, um, shouldn’t I be searching for a job? I…I’m not certain what sort of work I’m fit for…”

“What was your job before? Like, head of state of Fontaine?” Charlotte asked curiously. 

“No, no, nothing like that!” Furina said, shaking her head quickly. “I was, well, honestly I was more of a mascot than anything else. I was very popular as the Archon, but I performed on stage or in the Opera Epiclese as a prosecutor or defendant, if a case was especially interesting to me. But, ah, I don’t think I know enough to practice law in France…or if I really want that sort of job again.”

“Well, you borrowed one of my textbooks, I could bring you some others from my office if you’re interested. You could clerk for me with a little training, I think, though you’re not fit to be a paralegal without a lot more studying, and perhaps some school,” Yennifer offered. 

“I think I would like that, but I would never want to become involved in a case until I fully understood the legal system. I spent years studying Fontaine’s, and even then there were times I overlooked some fine point or other,” Furina said with a heavy sigh. That loophole about Paimon being a balloon came to mind.

“How old are you, exactly?” Charlotte asked, her eyes narrowing. “You look younger than Yen, and she’s only 26.”

“Ah, well, um, I’m…not exactly sure. The Teyvan year is 360 days long, and, well, the period of a day could be entirely different from yours, so it would be rather hard to calculate,” Furina temporized, trying to find a way not to admit that she was actually five centuries old, possibly older. She really couldn’t remember her life before becoming Focalor’s double.

I was formed during the Archon War. I rose as one of Egeria’s advisors, becoming one of her most trusted Lieutenants, though not, admittedly, in any sort of combat role. I was one of the Oceanids who longed for humanity, and often took human form. Indeed, I did become human, albeit briefly. But those are memories you are not yet ready for, I think. 

Furina shook her head, the voice of Focalors distracting her. “I’m sorry, what did you say, Charlotte? My mind drifted for a moment.” 

 “Oh I was just saying that you’ll have to write it out for me so I can calculate it! Think of it, I could publish the first accurate Teyvan Calendar!” Charlotte said eagerly.

“After school,” Yennifer said firmly. “And let poor Furina have a day off. She’s been through hell. You know what I was like right after I came to find you after the War. I imagine she’s had a similar experience. Seeing friends die, constant struggle and stress…give her a break, Lotte.” 

“Oh, um, sorry. I know I can be…uh, kind of a lot,” Charlotte said, blushing. “I guess the Truth can wait…for a little while.”

Both Charlotte and Yennifer ended up departing not long after. Before leaving, Yennifer showed Furina how to work the television, as well as the DVD player. Furina browsed the available titles. There were a lot of legal dramas, but Furina honestly did not want to watch something serious right at the moment, even if those were ordinarily her favorite. She ended up selecting something called “H” which claimed to be a comedy and featured, “Humour, Histoire et Hôpital.” 

For the next few hours, Furina was absolutely glued to the TV as she watched the misadventures of the staff of a hospital. She laughed until her sides hurt, and frankly forgot all about her troubles as she giggled and gasped when the raunchier jokes came on. It felt slightly naughty to her, Fontainian society was much more uptight, but it was also something of a relief.

She finished the first two disks of the set, when Furina’s stomach rumbled. She considered going to the refrigerator to simply take out whatever was left over from the previous night’s dinner, but decided against it. On a whim, she got dressed, brushed out her hair, and took the purse she’d gotten the day before, along with her wallet. She counted out 100 francs, leaving the rest on Yennifer’s desk. Then, taking the spare key Yennifer had given her, Furina stepped out of the apartment. 

She was slightly nervous as she made her way down the hall to the elevator. She almost felt like someone would cry out, “there she is, the false Archon, arrest her!” But of course, no one did. She didn’t even see anyone until she got down to the lobby, and then it was only an older man who nodded to her politely before brushing past her into the elevator once she’d gotten out. 

Standing in front of the doors, Furina stared at the street outside. It wasn’t terribly busy, but there were those cars going by, as well as people walking about their business. It was lunchtime, so various workers were out and about, getting food. 

Taking a deep breath, Furina made herself go out onto the street, clutching her purse to herself. At first, she cringed, hoping no one would notice her, then something occurred to her. 

This is a role I have to play. I need to be Furina de Fontaine. Frenchwoman, for whom it is perfectly ordinary to walk down the streets of Paris. I’m new in town, visiting my dear friend Yennifer, but I have every right to be here. 

Her back straightened, her eyes went forward, and Furina walked confidently down the street. She put just the right amount of sway in her step. Not something saucy, or the arrogant saunter that the Hydro Archon used, but the quick, confident steps of a woman who had somewhere to be, and knew how to get there. 

Only, where was she going? She wasn’t quite sure. 

She ended up at the train station, and used the metro pass that Yennifer had helped her purchase the day before. She selected the line she was familiar with, and rode to the stop near Yennifer’s office. She wasn’t headed there, however. There were only so many people in this city that she knew, so she headed for the one place she was certain to run into familiar places. 

“Welcome to Wanmin Restaurant, how many-Oh! Lady Furina!” 

Julie scurried up to Furina, a wide grin on her face. “I’m so glad to see you again! Please, have a seat anywhere. Is Yennifer coming, or are you by yourself?”

“Just me today, Julie,” Furina said, giving the other woman a shy smile. The restaurant wasn’t packed, but there were several parties eating lunch, from lone office workers to older couples and one mother with a few young children. Half of the restaurant’s guests felt French, while the other half felt like they belonged to someone else.

Felt French? Belonged to someone else? What in the Primordial Sea did that mean? 

You can sense them already. Though I still shield you from your mantle, you have already begun the process, and it cannot be reversed. You feel the souls of those who are yours, and can feel those whose ancestry is of other lands. There is something there. An echo, perhaps. Or more accurately, an echo that will be there, one day. I wonder.

Trying to ignore Focalors’ voice, she was quite done with all that, Furina let Julie take her to a corner table, and handed her a menu. “I’ll be right back! Sorry, it’s just me as usual, and the lunch rush is always killer.”

Furina nodded, looking around the restaurant. She did feel…something. From those who were obviously French, she could sense a…connection? Odd. She’d never felt that way about her fellow Fontainians, beyond the normal bonds of fellowship that countrymen shared. But the other half, those who looked Liyuese, or perhaps Inazumi,  she felt…it was hard to describe. But it was like feeling the pressure in the air before a rainstorm. Not something that had happened, but something that surely would. 

She was so wrapped up in it that when Julie scurried back after several long minutes, she started. 

“Oh, um, Sweet and Sour soup and some Fonta-er, you don’t have Fonta, do you?”

“We have Fanta, is that what you mean?” Julie asked, smoothing back a lock of hair from her sweaty brow. 

“Ah, yes,” Furina lied. She just had to hope that this ‘Fanta’ was drinkable.

“Great, I’ll put your order in,” Julie said with a smile. “Will you be wanting a main course as well?”

“I need some more time,” Furina pleaded, and Julie nodded, hurrying off to help more customers. 

To her surprise, Ling came out with her soup, along with several spring rolls. “Hello, Furina!” she said brightly. Though she said ‘Ni Hao’ not ‘Bonjour.’ 

“Oh, thank you, Ling. Busy today?”

“Yeah, Easter Sunday was a dumb day to be open I guess, hardly anyone came in. Guess I didn’t realize how important the holiday was,” Ling laughed, still speaking Chinese. It was easy enough for Furina to follow, so she replied in kind. 

“Well, I was grateful, the food was delicious. What do you recommend that’s something sweet, not spicy?”

“Well, orange chicken is always popular. It’s not really a proper traditional Chinese food, but we put it on the menu because it always sells like gangbusters. If you want something more authentic but still with a nice sweetness, I can whip you up a batch of pearl meatballs. They’re not on the normal menu, but for you I’d be happy to!” 

“The pearl meatballs sound wonderful,” Furina said, handing Ling her menu. “Thank you.”

More people entered the restaurant, and Furina enjoyed the lively atmosphere. She also was rather taken with her food, enjoying the vegetable crunch of the spring rolls and the sweet and savory soup. It really did remind her of Liyuese food, which wasn’t a bad thing. She’d dined on that often enough, depending on what the fashion was at the moment. Though she did try to avoid the spicy dishes. She recalled one dinner where she’d had something that had her gasping for breath and chugging milk, much to the amusement of the guests. She’d played it off, but had very much not enjoyed making a spectacle of herself. 

A frantic Julie brought Furina’s food over sometime later, quickly setting down a platter of what looked like rice dumplings. “Sorry for the wait! It’s a madhouse today!”

“Don’t worry about it, the soup was wonderful,” Furina said as Julie whisked away those dishes. 

As she ate, the lunch crowd just intensified, and Furina did her best to eat quickly, enjoying the savory yet sweet dish. It was rather different from what she was used to, but there was no denying the flavor and texture was exquisite. When she finished, Furina sighed and leaned back, relaxing for several moments. 

Then she blinked. What did she do now? What was the etiquette for paying a bill here? She honestly wasn’t sure what the etiquette for paying a bill even was in Fontaine. Everyone knew who Lady Furina was, half of them wouldn’t charge her, and the other half would just bill the Palais Mermonia. How that even worked, Furina had no earthly clue. 

So, she walked over to the kitchen, where Julie was hurrying in and out. “Um, excuse me-”

“I’ll get with you in a moment!” Julie said, bustling back out. “Sorry, we’re really backed up! If you’re looking for the WC, it’s just through the door there.”

Furina glanced that way, then heard Chef Mao call in Chinese, “Yu! I’m nearly out of dishes! We need some clean ones!”

“I haven’t had time to clean them!” Julie called back in the same language. 

“Do you need help?” Furina asked nervously, poking her head in the door. 

Chef Mao blinked at Furina. “What? You’re a customer! Or are you saying you can’t pay?”

“No, no, I just…I’m actually looking for a job,” Furina admitted. “And er, I don’t have that much work experience, so-”

“You’re hired,” Mao cut her off, pointing towards a sink that was piled high with dirty dishes. “You clean those! I especially need plates!”

“Oh! Right!” Furina agreed, stepping towards the sink.

“Here!” Ling called, tossing Furina an apron, a paper hat, and a pair of gloves. “Put those on.”

Furina complied, and then got to work cleaning. She was, to be blunt, rather bad at it. She’d never really cleaned dishes before, but it was one of those things that was so simple that it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out. Julie quickly showed her how to use the three separate sinks: one of hot soapy water, one of warm water with no soap, and a third with a disinfectant that they were dunked in before being stacked in a rack for drying. 

Furina made a tremendous mess, getting soapy water everywhere, and taking much too long on the first few dishes, until Ling yelled at her to “Hurry it up, I’m out of plates!” 

 The frantic pace Furina set made even more of a mess, getting her practically soaked in the hot water and getting plenty of liquid in her gloves, to the point that she ripped them off and tossed them in the trash can in frustration. Still, she did manage to keep up with Ling’s demands for new plates, barely, though the pile of dishes never seemed to actually diminish. 

Finally, after an hour of scrubbing, things began to die down, and Julie came over to help Furina deal with the mess. “Thanks, you really saved us. I don’t know what we would have done without you! Normally we’re much busier on Fridays and Saturdays, not on a Wednesday lunch hour!”

“Well, it’s one way to work off my meal,” Furina laughed, then glanced down at her hands. They were red and puffy, with her fingers having pruned. She’d also chipped several nails, which she’d have to deal with later. But somehow…somehow it was all very satisfying. It was only some dirty dishes, yes, but Furina had dealt with a problem. Maybe it wasn’t of cosmic importance, but did that matter? She’d helped some friends, and she’d done a job. Maybe not a good job, but she was learning quickly. 

“Ever washed dishes before?” Chef Mao asked, glancing at the slick floor and haphazard pile. 

“Um, no, actually,” Furina admitted. “I, um…I grew up very privileged…and, er, I’m used to having someone else prepare my meals, or just use disposable containers.”

“Don’t feel bad, I grew up pretty rich too,” Ling called, bustling in from helping wait tables while Julie washed. “Though dad did make me learn how to clean dishes at the restaurant, a servant did all my laundry and we had a driver who took us everywhere. What happened to you? Endbringer? Or Archon?”

“Um, well, neither. More just…things changed. And the life I had was gone,” Furina admitted, going back to scrubbing dishes. A few tears ran down her red cheeks, and she shook her head, trying to force them away. “But that’s all over, now. I’m starting over.”

“You were some sort of singer or actor, right?”  Julie asked. 

“Yes,” Furina admitted. “You said you were a singer as well, right?”

“I want to be one, I trained for it,” Julie said, furiously scrubbing at the dishes. “But I’m almost always ‘not what we’re looking for.’ It’s because I don’t look French.”

“Oh,” Furina said, wilting. She touched her blue hair absently and winced. “Um, I am thinking of dyeing my hair a more…natural color…and you can see I’ve started wearing contacts…”

“I noticed that, figured you didn’t want to draw attention. Blue hair is assorted with Cryo Visions, and that’s not the sort of notice you want,” Julia said with a shake of her head. 

Furina very nearly asked about Hydro Visions, but then reminded herself, The Hydro Archon has yet to appear…

The world awaits with baited breath for you to take the stage, dear Furina. For now, I am withholding Visions, while you decide upon your ideal. Hurry. I cannot do so for long. I sense the ambition of these mortals, and I long to recognize it. But it is your Aspect that must be recognized, not my own. Though I wonder…as my daughter, as my mortal self…how different will yours be?

Furina shook her head again, trying to focus on washing dishes. But tears still trickled down her cheeks. 

“You alright?” Julie asked quietly. 

“No,” Furina whispered. “Everyone I loved now hates me, and everything I knew is gone. I suppose there’s Yennifer and Charlotte, and you, and Ling, and Mr. Mao, but…but it’s all gone. I have to start over. But I don’t know who I am. Where I am. What I should do…”

Julie wiped her hands off on her apron, then gave Furina a hug, which shocked her. She froze at the unexpected contact, but when she looked down at Julie, she saw the other woman was weeping. 

“You’re just like us,” Julie whispered. “My parents, Ling’s mother…all of China…it’s just gone now.”

Slowly, Furina lifted her soapy hands, then returned Julie’s hug. “Yes. But it’s OK. We’re still alive. We’ll find out what comes next. And find our Justice.”

“Ha! I don’t think we’ll ever have justice against the Raiden Shogun,” Julie laughed bitterly. She let Furina go, then gave her an embarrassed bow. “Sorry! I know that was rude, it’s just…I remembered your song. It was so sad, so tragic…you just…you understand us, don’t you?”

Furina slowly nodded. Julie wasn’t like Ling or Mao. She also wasn’t quite like the other French people. She felt like she was…sort of someone Furina knew? It was very strange. “I suppose.”

“Alright, Julie, go take your break,” Mao ordered. “We’ve got an hour before the dinner crowd starts coming in. Furina, you’re a lifesaver, get those dishes finished. For someone who’s never washed dishes before, that wasn’t half bad.”

“Oh! Thank you!” Furina said, and beamed happily at Mao.

He blinked at her, then rubbed his chin. “You were actually serious, weren’t you? Back to work! No break until Julie and Ling get there.”

“What about you?” Furina asked, turning back to her sinks. 

“Ha! Head chefs don’t take breaks,” Mao laughed, and got back to his cooking. 

Furina ended up getting a short break to sit down and have some more of the Fanta, which was rather like Fonta in that it was a sweet, citrus-flavored sparkling beverage that was probably very bad for you, but tasted delightful. To her surprise, Chef Mao sat down with her, taking off his hat and drinking a similar beverage, though his was dark brown instead of bright orange. 

“Right, we’ll have to fill out the paperwork to hire you properly,” Mao said, running a hand through his thick dark hair, though it was going grey in places. “That probably won’t be an issue, but bring your official documents tomorrow and I’ll figure out what paperwork to fill out. I’m afraid we can’t offer much, no more than ₣7.60 an hour. We’ll get you in front of the house to get some tips too, that way you’re not just washing dishes all the time.”

“Oh! Um, thank you,” Furina said, blushing. “I, um…well, I have a fairly good idea of how a waiter is to behave, but you’ll have to show me how to properly take orders. You use some sort of shorthand?”

Mao grimaced. “Actually, we use Chinese characters. I don’t suppose you’re familiar?”

“Oh, so you mean, for sweet and sour soup, you’d write this?” Furina asked, then wrote down 酸辣汤 on a napkin, which meant ‘sour spicy soup.’ 

“Hey, that’s perfect! Who taught you calligraphy?” Chef Mao asked, picking up the napkin and raising an eyebrow. 

“Um, er…I studied Chinese for a role I took,” Furina offered. Which was sort of true. Only that role was “Furina the Chinese Restaurant Kitchen Worker” and the studying had been “whatever magic had been worked on her.” 

“Well, that makes it easier. We’ve been talking about getting more help since the restaurant’s been getting more and more popular. They really like Ling’s cooking,” Mao said, his broad face breaking into a wide smile. “My daughter isn’t so bad, eh?”

“Yes, she’s one of the finest chefs I’ve met,” Furina said, and realized she meant it. Everything she had eaten at Wanmin had been delicious. 

“Ha! You’re too kind, but at least it’s keeping a roof over our heads. At the beginning, I was pretty worried, actually. But, word’s gotten around. It was one of our only slow days when you came in on that Sunday. Something about a holiday, I don’t understand it.”

Furina nodded. She had no idea what Easter was herself. 

“I’m just surprised you’re not getting a job at a theater as a singer or actor. That song you sang,” Chef Mao’s eyes got misty for a moment. “It was…I can’t describe it. Powerful. Yes. Very powerful.”

“Well, a lot of actresses have to support themselves with a second job,” Furina said. That was, to the best of her knowledge, true. At least, she’d read a number of articles about some starlet or other who had been working at a restaurant up until they got their big break. She, obviously, had never done any such thing, at least not until now. But Archons didn’t get their hands wrinkly with soapy water. 

You will truly be an Archon of the people. You will know what Justice is, because you will know their pains, their struggles, in a way that one who was only ever a god could never do so. I am so, so proud of you, Furina. 

Honestly, Focalor’s voice in Furina’s head would be getting annoying if it wasn’t so warm and loving. It actually made Furina tear up a little, but she did her best to play it off. Wouldn’t do to cry over hallucinations, after all.

“Well, I’ll be happy to learn on the job, and it’s a comfort to know I’ll have some income, even if a modest one.” She was fairly certain ₣7.60 an hour wasn’t much. Yennifer had said ₣5000 was enough to live on frugally for a couple of months, which meant she would have to work about 660 hours. A normal workweek was 60 hours, so it would take her three months to earn that much. Still, it was a start, and at least she’d be contributing something. 

“Good, now get ready, the dinner crowd will be here starting at about 7:30pm, and we’ll need all our dishes cleaned before then.”

Furina did manage to get all the dishes cleaned, and Julie went over with her how to wait tables, having Furina practice with a few customers who wandered in around 4pm. 

“A lot of places close down for the afternoon, but we don’t. Mostly because up until recently, we were barely scraping by,” Julie explained. “Plus, we’re not really a traditional Parisian dining experience, and people expect Chinese at all hours of the day, so we’re open from 11am to 11pm, six days a week.”

Ah, apparently they hadn’t passed reforms in this world to limit working hours. Furina would have to ask Yennifer about that one. In Fontaine, Furina had championed workers rights, and forced factories to pay a minimum wage, as well as give a lunch break of no less than 20 minutes, and limit a workers hours to no more than 60 per week. 

“That sounds exhausting,” Furina said, but added a smile. “I’m used to long hours though.” That was something of an exaggeration, as while she had limited workers hours, she had placed no such limits on herself. If she hadn’t required sleep, she would have struggled around the clock to find a way to save Fontaine. 

“We won’t make you work that long, don’t worry! We really only need a washer during the dinner and lunch rushes. The shifts will be inconvenient, but we’ll make it work. Uncle Mao has been saying we need to hire new people, so this is just a stroke of good fortune,” Julie told her.

The first order Furina took was from a middle aged couple who stood out to her. For one thing, they were chubbier than everyone else, with loud hats and shirts that read “I <3 Paris” and “Eiffel Tower” on them, along with odd pouches that rested on their hips. Plus, they just didn’t feel like anyone else she’d seen.

“Hello, welcome to Wanmin Restaurant, what can I get for you? Would you like to start with some soup and drinks?” Furina said, smiling as Julie watched from the side. 

“Oh great, you speak English, I was worried!” the woman said. “That wasn’t mentioned on Yahoo Reviews for this place.”

Oh dear, Furina thought, glancing nervously at Julie, as she’d just revealed yet another language that she spoke flawlessly. Julie just gave her a thumbs up, and mouthed “Tourists.” 

Oh no. Hydro Dragon protect us all…

“Yeah I’m gonna need a diet coke, and my wife wants iced tea. Do y’all have iced tea?” the man asked. 

Ice in tea? Furina had never heard of such a thing. “We, um, do have tea, and I am sure we could put some ice in it?” Furina said, looking to Julie, who shrugged and nodded. 

“Great, just make sure there’s plenty of sugar,” the woman said. “We’ll start with egg drop soup and crab rangoon.”

“Of course, I’ll be right back with the drinks and put that in,” Furina said, then hurried away. “Why would you put ice in tea?” she whispered to Julie.

“They’re Americans. It’s something they do. They want an unholy amount of sugar in it, but it’s not hard to make,” Julie confided. “Good job! But unfortunately, now we’ll make you wait all the tourist tables. My English is only so so, and Ling and Uncle Mao don’t speak it at all.”

Great. Just what Furina wanted. 

Overall, the tourist Americans weren’t so bad, even if they were rather loud and demanding. They did, however, leave a massive tip, which Julie told Furina was highly unusual. “America tourists are either the best customers ever because they are so friendly and tip so well, or the worst because they’re spoiled brats who get mad if you don’t speak English. Though for you, that won’t be a problem.”

The dinner rush was just starting around 7pm, with Furina helping to wait tables, running back and forth to deliver drinks, dishes, and orders to the kitchen. It was again, rather fun, and Furina liked talking with people and making them laugh and smile. It was novel being the servant instead of the one receiving the service, but it was a role Furina was well prepared for.

At around 7:30, a frantic Yennifer accompanied by Charlotte burst into the restaurant, looking around frantically. Furina hurried over, smiling at her. “Bonjour! Welcome to-”

“THERE YOU ARE!” Yennifer cried, and grabbed Furina by the arms, her expression wild. “Furina, we’ve been looking EVERYWHERE for you! I was this close to calling Cookie and mobilizing the knights!” 

“Ah ha, my investigative instincts strike again! I told her we should visit the places you were familiar with!” Charlotte chortled. She looked Furina in her apron up and down. “Got a job already, huh? Couldn’t even relax for one day?”

“Um, well, it was a little unintentional, but-” Furina noted someone raising a hand for attention, and shook her head. “Here, let me get you a table, I’ll have to clear one off, just wait over there, I’ve got customers to see to.”

Furina hastily saw to the needy customer, then cleaned off a small table for Yennifer and Charlotte and seated them. Charlotte was grinning from ear to ear, while Yennifer basically collapsed and looked on the edge of a heart attack. 

“Yen was seriously spazzing out as soon as she came home and you weren’t there. She called me at school and we were practically combing the city! Then I told her, ‘well, where would Furina go?’ and she mentioned you’d eaten here, so I said we should check, and here you are!” 

“Oh, ah, sorry. I intended to just come here for lunch, but then I ended up washing dishes, and now I’m waiting tables,” Furina explained. “Um, can I start you off with the sweet and sour soup?”

“Yep yep! And some crispy wonton too, please!” Charlotte said. “I’ll have a mineral water.”

“Give me a beer,” Yennifer groaned. “Something dark.”

“Of course! And, um, sorry about worrying you,” Furina said, bowing to Yennifer. 

“It’s fine, but tomorrow, we’re getting you a verdammt phone,” Yennifer grumbled. 

“Um, Yennifer and her sister are here, um, apparently they were looking for me,” Furina told Ling when she put in the orders. 

Ling laughed. “Oh, Yen just likes to worry! Don’t bother getting their orders, I’ll whip up something just for them! Those two like vegetarian dishes, and I have some whopper flower parts I’ve wanted to experiment with! That’s totally vegetarian, right?”

“Uh, I suppose?” Furina hazarded. 

The resulting eggplant and whopper flower tofu did indeed wow both Yennifer and Charlotte, who tucked in with gusto.

“What time do you think you’ll be getting home?” Yennifer asked Furina when she came to clear away their dishes. 

“Um, I don’t know? We close at 11pm, but I’m the dishwasher, so I suppose I’ll be done whenever those are all clean,” Furina admitted. 

“She’s got a key, Yen, and Furina’s a big girl! Or do you want to stay and walk your girlfriend home?” Charlotte teased. 

Both Yennifer and Furina blushed and glared at Charlotte, who just fluttered her eyelashes guilelessly. 

“You think you can get home by yourself safely?” Yennifer asked. 

“Sure, it’s only a short train ride away,” Furina said with a nod. “Um, it’s not too much trouble, I hope?”

“No, I just…well, I panicked a bit. Visions of you ending up in a lab somewhere getting dissected,” Yennifer said with a shudder. 

“Er, I will…try to avoid that,” Furina said with a wince. 

Charlotte and Yennifer departed, though it was two more hours of frantic work for Furina. She had no idea how Chef Mao, Ling, and Julie had ever managed before, as it felt like too much work for four people, let alone just three. 

At the end of it, Furina collapsed into a chair. Her hands were pruned, her nails chipped and battered, her feet felt like they would fall off, and she’d cried twice when customers had been rude to her. 

“Good work,” Chef Mao said, and placed a stack of francs on the table in front of Furina, along with a plate of something hot and steamy. “Here, Ling made this.”

Ling and Julie sat down with them, and they all popped open several bottles of wine. They ended up laughing and chatting until well after midnight, when Furina, half drunk, stumbled to the metro and back to the apartment. To her shock, Yennifer was waiting at the kitchen table for her, and sprang up as soon as the door opened. 

“H-hey! What are you doing up so late?” Furina slurred. 

“I was worried about you, silly,” Yennifer said. “You’re an alien who hasn’t even been here a week!” She sniffed at Furina and wrinkled her nose. “Are you drunk?”

“No.” Furina hiccuped. “Um, maybe? A little? We just…we just had a couple of bottles of wine after the shift…”

“Well you’re not getting in bed until you shower. Come on,” Yennifer sighed, and pushed Furina into the bathroom.

After a brief rinse, Furina collapsed into bed next to Yennifer, looking up at the ceiling, her body half numb. “You know something?” Furina whispered as Yennifer switched the light off and came to lie beside her.

“Hmm?” 

“Today…today was…was a good day. I felt…normal,” Furina said, her mind fuzzy and full of fog.

“That’s good. Sleep well,” Yennifer said, rolling over. 

“Gotta do it again tomorrow though. Be there by noon,” Furina said to herself. 

“Then we’ll wake up early to buy you a phone. Get some sleep, I’ve turned the alarm off,” Yennifer told Furina.

“Thanks. You…you’re my best friend,” Furina said, and rolled over to hug Yennifer. Then she rolled back over and fell asleep, never seeing the blush on Yennifer’s face in the darkness. 

Author’s Note:

If I could have found a reasonable way for Furina to become a carpenter I would have. But a blue-collar dish washer/waiter will have to do. 

The Second Archon War: Lord Mushu

The world swam for a moment, and Kenta felt strangely lightheaded. When his vision cleared, he found himself standing in darkness. He blinked a few times, looking around. What had just happened? 

<It was those damn kids, Great Lung. Please, it wasn’t my fault! I can still be useful to you!> 

There was a man on his knees, a bunch of thugs with guns standing around him. Most were young men, with tattoos visible on their skin, as well as an assortment of guns and crude weapons. They were also all universally filthy, which made Kenta wrinkle hise nose. 

“Alright,” Kenta said slowly looking around. “Ya punks got about ten seconds to explain to me just what the fuck is goin’ on.”

<It was Chen, Great Lung! He is a disgrace to the Azn Bad Boys!> another of the punks said, his voice sounding tough, but Kenta could hear the squeak of fear in his words. 

“Great Lung? You talkin’ to me?” Kenta demanded, frowning at those around him. They were speaking Chinese. Why the fuck was he in China? Was he in Hong Kong again? This didn’t smell like Hong Kong. That Commie Keqing might be a wacko, but she at least knew the importance of keeping the streets clean.

The toughs eyed Kenta strangely, but they were obviously frightened of him. Well good. At least they had some sense. 

<Uh, yes, Great Lung. You called us hear to punish Chen and then deal with those punks calling themselves the Undersiders. They will learn the price of defying the ABB!> another punk said. He had a bandana covering his face like he was some sort of gangbanger. Sheesh. Kenta thought he’d run all those off a long time ago. 

“I ain’t gone by Lung in a long damn time. It’s Mushu now, ya idiots. Now, what the fuck is-” Kenta paused and slapped at a hornet that had just flown up and tried to sting him. “Damn insects. Now, what are ya morons-”

An entire swarm of biting insects and a carpet of spiders rushed at the gangsters, and at Kenta. He immediately detected they were possessed by a demon, and not one that had been properly exorcised neither. 

“Oh for Eternity’s sake!” Kenta snarled, turning about. He breathed out, Electro crackling in the air and easily frying the bugs. “Right. You idiots stay right here. Don’t run, you’ll just die tired. Someone just got cute.” 

He didn’t bother transforming; instead he turned and strode towards the building where he could smell the demonic stench coming from. This was a fairly powerful demon, though its host seemed rather inexperienced or just plain dumb. Attacking a dragon with insects? Please. 

More insects and spiders buzzed at Kenta in a massive swarm, but he just snarled at them. The cloud of Electro that engulfed them easily turned them into charred ash that blew away on the faint breeze. There was movement on top of the building, and Kenta sighed. The idiot was running. 

He lept up, using Electro to boost his muscles, and landed on the roof. A slender figure in a black body suit was booking it away from him, summoning more insects. 

“Don’t bother running. Iffin ya surrender now, I promise not to eat ya,” Kenta called. But the fleeing figure just put on another burst of speed. 

“Well, I tried,” Kenta muttered, sending another crackling cloud to deal with the bugs. He turned into a bolt of lightning for an instant, appearing in front of the small figure. He reached out a single hand, grabbing them by the throat, and lifting them up of their feet, which kicked wildly, trying to hit Kenta in the chest. The hands tried to use a thump lock to loose Kenta’s grip, but they were no Brute, so it barely even registered. 

“Alright, let’s see who ya are,” Kenta growled, using his other hand to rip off the mask. It was surprisingly durable for what looked like silk, but it still ripped under his grasp. He started, seeing the frightened face of a young girl, about Ami’s age, actually, looking back at him. 

“A kid?” Kenta said. He sighed. “I ain’t killin’ no kid. Alright. Don’t try and run, and don’t send no more bugs after me neither. Bad for the environment if I gotta fry all the insect life, ya see. Now. I’m gonna set you down, and you’re gonna do the smart thing, and listen for a bit. Then we're gonna have a nice talk, alright?”

Kenta gently sent the girl down. He’d already loosened his grip, so she could definitely breathe alright. She landed on her rear end with a thump, and Kenta squatted down in front of her. 

“Now. I can smell that yer a parahuman. That’s nice. Do ya know what that means?” Kenta asked in his most fatherly tone. 

The girl glared at him, though she was squinting something fierce. Nearsighted, probably. “I’m not becoming a villain and joining your gang! I’m not even Asian!” she spat. 

He cocked his head to one side. “Gang? Cute. Though that’s a funny thing to call the Tenryou Commission. Don’t see what bein’ Asian has to do with diddly though. However…”

He stroked his face and frowned. He was wearing a mask, which was dead unusual for him. He pulled it off, holding it up and frowning at it. It looked like a dragon mask made of steel, though not a friendly sort of dragon at all. More like something a gangster would wear. He shrugged, and tossed it aside. Whatever. He turned back to the girl. “I get the impression this ain’t Japan. So, kid. Who do you think I am?”

“You’re Lung,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “Leader of the ABB. One of the most powerful capes in Brockton Bay.”

Brockton Bay? Where the hell was that? He’d heard the name before though, but where? Oh, right. That was where Legend hung out these days. And that one girl who’d rekindled a Vision lived. What was her name? 

“Uh huh. Interestin’. I ain’t gone by Lung in a long time, so far as I can recall,” Kenta said, stroking his chin. He frowned. Then looked down at his arm. He started. Tattoos?! He still had some, of course, but his limbs were free of them, seeing as they’d been reforged by Ei. Something weird was going on for certain sure. “Call me Mushu, kid. What’s your name?”

“I haven’t thought of one yet,” the girl muttered, peering at him. “But you’ve seen my face now. That’s against the rules.”

“Rules? Kid, I don’t know what rules you’re talkin’ about. Look, we got off on the wrong foot, I guess. Fine, you can call me Mr. Wang. Now, what’s your name, kid?”

The girl swallowed. “I’m not telling. You’d hurt my dad.”

“If your dad knew you was running about and picking fights with dragons, he might be a tad upset at ya,” Kenta chuckled. “I got a little girl, iffin ya didn’t know it. She’s nine now, makin’ me go bald and stuff. But every time I found out she’s been out with Ami and Clara again, I like to have a heart attack. So, your pops know you're out here?”

Mutely, the girl shook her head, looking a bit pale. “You…you don’t sound like Lung. I didn’t think you spoke English very well.”

“Ha! I don’t. I ain’t speakin’ English, kid. Listen real careful like to what I’m sayin’. You just hear English. I’m speakin’ Japanese,” Kenta said with a chuckle.

“That’s ridiculous, you-” the girl cut off, blinking rapidly. “You…huh. That’s…weird.”

“That’s what us dragons can do. Or didn’t you notice there was five of us now?” Kenta laughed. 

“Uh, no. Um, you’re not actually planning on killing those kids they were talking about earlier, are you?” the girl asked. 

“No, but I do think we need to do somethin’ about you,” Kenta said, pointing to the girl. “‘Cause you just pulled a stupid and put bugs all around us. Cute, but it won’t work.”

She paled slightly the straightened up. “I’ve got black widows, wasps, hornets, bees, all sorts of nastys. Even you aren’t immune to all that.”

“Goddamn conflict drive,” Kenta growled. He grabbed the girl. “Hold still, this won’t hurt ya.”

The girl screamed anyway and the bugs swarmed in, so Kenta did the most expedient thing and transformed. He didn’t get all that big, only about 10 meters long. But he roared in the girl’s face at the same time he launched an attack at the metaphysical level. He’d done this often enough before that it wasn’t that hard. He found her demon easily enough, and grabbed the damn thing. 

SO, YOU LIKE SPIDERS, DO YOU, DEMON? 

The Demon pulsed and writhed, clearly not expecting the attack, especially not from what it had thought was a tiny and insignificant specimen. You’d think the damn things would learn by now. 

WELL. ENJOY BEING A SPIDER. ALWAYS THOUGHT MURASAKI WAS CUTE, AND THIS GIRL COULD USE A FRIEND. 

It took a bit of finagling, but it wasn’t all that hard. He’d done this often enough, and been around Murasaki long enough to see how to rip off a chunk of the demon and remake it. From the outside, it took no time at all, though from Kenta’s perspective he was at it for days of hard work. 

Back in the normal world, the girl stopped screaming, staring up at Kenta in pure shock. 

NOW, CHILD. DO YOU STILL WISH TO FIGHT ME? Kenta rumbled. 

“N-no,” the girl whispered, a single tear tracking down her cheek, her eyes incredibly wide. 

GOOD. Kenta shifted back, standing over the girl and folding his arms. “And as for you. You’re bound to this mortal child now. You must serve her for the rest of her life, and perhaps beyond it. This I charge you with. It is your punishment, for daring to face a dragon.”

“You, what did you do to me?!” a small eight-legged figure demanded, waving two front limps frantically. “I was collecting such wonderful data! She was a perfect specimen! She had already self-ostracised herself! I didn’t enhance her conflict drive at all! She was already driven towards conflict! She would have made such a wonderfully chaotic specimen!” 

The girl slowly turned to look down at the spider, which was about the size of a cat or a small dog now. “You…where did you…?”

“Mistress!” the spider hissed, spinning about. “We must smite this fool! Come, have I not given you enough power already!? Summon the swarm, strike him down for his insolence!”

“You can tell her to shut up, you know. She has to obey you,” Kenta said with wry amusement. 

“Um, be quiet,” the girl said.

The spider huffed and crossed its front legs like arms, obviously fuming, but it listened. It had to. Kenta had gotten the binding right, but he always found it more amusing when the demons were mouthy. This was going to be especially entertaining. 

“Now, let’s try this again. I am Lord Kenta Wang, the Electro Dragon, aspect of the Eternal Guardian,” Kenta declared, folding his own arms over his chest and puffing it out slightly. “What is your name, mortal child?”

“T-Taylor. Taylor Hebert,” the girl said, her eyes looked on the spider. “I…I just wanted to…to be a hero.”

“Well, I suppose you came to the right dragon then,” Kenta chuckled. He knelt down by her. “Go on. Give her a name. She’s yours.”

Taylor turned to frown at Kenta. “You’re not Lung, are you?”

“Well, I said so, didn’t I? No. I’ve not been Lung in a long time. Now, we need to figure out-”

Kenta cut off as the sound of a motorcycle sounded, and then rattling gunfire from those idiots below. “Oh lightning strike them, those morons WOULD go and try an’ shoot someone. Come on, kid. Let’s go sort this out.”

He stomped over to the edge of the roof, Taylor following after with Charlotte perched on her shoulder. The damn idiots from earlier were shooting at a man in armor who was roaring forward on a clearly tinkertech bike, and Kenta sighed. He felt sort of responsible for these idiots, who seemed to think he was Lung, and their boss somehow. So he hopped off the roof, landing amongst them, and ripping a gun out of one’s hands. 

“Will you stop it!? Ain’t no way guns are legal, and ya don’t fight a cape with a damn gun! Are you all stupid?!”

“Uh…Great Lung…no, but…he’s from the Protectorate,” one of the gangbangers said. 

“Great. Just what I needed. Pissing off the damn yanks again,” Kenta growled. He tossed the gun aside as the motorcycle pulled up. “You all sit down, right here. On your hands! Yes, sit on your hands. NOW!”

The gangbangers looked confused, but complied. Nodding in satisfaction, Kenta strode over as the rider dismounted. That suit looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. “Right, sorry about that, the boys need some reeducation. Don’t suppose there’s a way we can settle this peaceable like?”

“Facial recognition match. I’m taking you in, Lung,” the man said, whipping out a halberd. That, combined with the voice, triggered something.

“Oh come on, Colin! Be reasonable!” Kenta said, spreading his arms wide. “Look, I know that the guns are illegal and stuff, you can take ‘em! I ain’t so sure how I ended up here, but-”

“How do you know my name?” the man growled, then took a swing at Kenta. He didn’t want to mess with whatever tinker tech Colin had stuffed into his weapon, so he drew his katana in a smooth motion and parried. 

“Wadda ya mean, how do I know yer name? Yer datin’ the Dendro Dragon! Hell, you babysat for us that one time when we was at the UN!” Kenta snapped. Then he sniffed the air. Hold on…

“I don’t know where you got that information, Lung, but you will not intimidate me with my identity,” Colin growled, then attacked again.

“I’m startin’ to think this ain’t Earth Bet no more,” Kenta growled, easily parrying the blows. Colin was good, but he hadn’t trained in Origin Bladework with the Narukami Ogosho. “Ya still got yer demon, Colin. Or don’t you even realize that?”

Colin didn’t say much, which was usually something Kenta could respect in a man. But he was getting tired of this. So he ended the fight the easiest way he knew how, and transformed. This time, he didn’t skimp on size. 

I AM THE ETERNAL DRAGON, Lord Mushu rumbled, hovering above Armsmaster as a massive thunderstorm formed above him. He didn’t need to use physical force to pin Colin down, the man’s halberd slipped from nervous fingers as Mushu cranked up his divine aura as far as it would go. FOR WHAT REASON DO YOU ATTACK THE GUARDIAN OF ETERNITY, MORTAL?

“I…I…” Armsmaster gasped, then grabbed his polearm, using it to force himself up. The man had grit, though his demon was also pumping him full of power at the moment. “I am the law in this town, Lung! If you defy the Protectorate, then-”

YOU ARE A GUARDIAN WHO HAS LOST HIS PURPOSE, SEEKING ONLY HIS OWN GLORY. YOU HAVE GIVEN IN TO VENAL DESIRES AND ABANDONED ETERNITY. COLIN WALLIS. I HAVE MEASURED YOUR SOUL, AND YOUR SINS ARE GREAT. WILL YOU ABANDON YOUR DUTY, AND SEEK ONLY YOUR OWN ELEVATION, OR WILL YOU EMBRACE ETERNITY, AND BECOME THE GUARDIAN FATE MEANT YOU TO BE?

“I…” Collin shuddered, then raised his halberd. “This is my city, dragon! I will protect these people! Even if they’re ungrateful wretches who refuse to recognize my efforts, I won’t abandon them!” 

VERY WELL. THEN YOUR VISION SHALL BE REWARDED, MORTAL. NO LONGER WILL YOU HEAR THE WHISPERS OF DEMONS. THE POWER IS NOW YOURS. USE IT WISELY. 

A bolt of lightning struck Armasmaster, blowing apart his armor and halbard, and melting his bike. He collapsed to the ground, nearly naked and shuddering as Electro washed through his body, purging his soul. He was much more far gone than Taylor had been, so the process was a bit more painful. Also, Mushu was more than a little irate, so he had been much less gentle with the grown man then the young girl. 

Still, his task was now complete. Mushu shrank back down, and turned to the gangbangers. They had stopped sitting on their hands like he’d told them, but they had all fallen on their faces and were bowing to him in worship. 

“Get up. Go, find all those who claim to serve me. Tell them that The Great Lung has a command for them,” Mushu declared. 

Slowly, the gangsters looked up, faces slack in awe. “Y-yes, Great Lung?”

“No more shall the Asian Bad Boys be a scourge upon the land. My servants will be guardians of the people. No more shall we perpetuate violence, sell poison or subjugate the weak and vulnerable. Those who serve me shall be Guardians of the people, who protect the weak, give succor to the needy, and steward the land. This is my command. Go, and see it done. For I shall be watching.”

“It…it will be done, Great Lung!” they gasped, and got shakily to their feet, then hurried off. 

Mushu snorted and nodded to himself, then turned to Taylor. She’d had Charlotte lower her on a rope of silk, but was staring at him in confusion.

“You…you’re not like a normal cape, are you?” the teen asked. 

“What I tell you, Taylor. Now, your dad know you’re out here?” he demanded. He knew the answer, but she needed to tell him herself.

Mutely, she shook her head. “I see. Your dad, what’s his name?”

“D-Danny. Daniel. Daniel Hebert,” Taylor said. 

Kenta blinked. Wait, Taylor Hebert, daughter of Daniel Hebert? He did know that name. That settled it. This wasn’t his home. He’d figure it out later though. For now, there was a hurt little girl right here, and he needed to protect her. 

He stepped forward, resting a hand on Taylor’s shoulder. “Your dad, he a good man?” she nodded silently, tears starting to leak down her cheeks. “He love you?” 

“Y-yeah…”

“Then you know what you must do, don’t you, Taylor?”

She scrubbed at her face, nodding. Then she frowned. “Wait, how come you’re talking all formal and fancy now, instead of that bumpkin accent before?”

“Difference between Kenta Wang and Lord Mushu. Kenta’s just a jumped up thug. Lord Mushu is the Electro Dragon and Guardian of Eternity. He knows how to talk all fancy. Even if he prefers not to. Now, come on, kid.”

Transforming into his small form, Kenta hopped up on Taylor’s other shoulder. “Lets go have that talk with your dad.”

Danny was sitting in darkness, the TV off, feeling so, so worn down by the day. He knew something was up with Tayor, but he just didn’t know how to talk to her. It felt like everything he did drove her further away. He couldn’t lose her, but he didn’t know how to keep her. Whenever he tried to confront her, it just devolved into sulks and lies. How was he supposed to help his baby girl, when he couldn’t even keep things together? 

The front door creeked open, and Danny found himself on his feet, hurrying forward. The light flicked on and he was blinded for a moment. He blinked back the tears from being near blinded, and food Taylor nervously standing in the doorway. He didn’t see anything else for a moment, and raced forward, wanting to hug his baby girl. Then he paused. Did she even want to hug him? Would he just push her further away if he smothered her?

“Uh, hey, dad,” Taylor said, and Danny saw the bruises on her face, the ripped clothing, though it did look rather odd. “I, um…I’m sorry, I…” Tears filled her eyes, and to Danny’s shock, she stepped into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK,” Danny said, his own eyes misting up as he squeezed Taylor tightly. He just held her for a moment, before pushing her back to get a look at her. “Are you alright?”

“I, um, yeah, I’m OK, I guess,” Taylor sniffled. 

“Taylor, if anything’s happened, you know you can tell me, right?” Danny said, his voice rough. Please. Please let her talk to him. He didn’t know what he could do, but he needed to know she was OK. 

“Uh,” Taylor glanced behind herself, and Danny peered over her shoulder. Then he swore loudly and tried to shove her behind him as he spied a giant purple lizard and a giant purple spider. What were these, some sort of biotinker creation?

“Go on, kid,” the lizard said. Wait. Was that-

“Eddie Murphy?” Danny blurted.

Taylor snorted, and grinned at him. “I know, right? He sounds just like Mushu from Mulan!”

“I’ll have you know, that is my name,” the little lizard, or…dragon? Said, folding his arms over his chest. “Someone goofy ass practical joker of a NEET decided it would be cute to name me that, but it’s stuck. Grown on me a bit over the years too.”

“Uh, right,” Danny said. What was a NEET? He glanced at Taylor, something dawning on him. “Wait, Taylor…did you…?”

“Um, dad, I sort of…triggered,” Taylor admitted. 

“INDEED! Your spawn was chosen as a most BEAUTIFUL source of data, specimen! Her desire for conflict was GLORIOUS, and with my BRILLIANT methods of collection, she and I would have produced the most stunning date the network had ever seen, such that she could have become the very QUEEN OF THE CYCLE!” the little spider cackled. 

“Um, those are my powers. I named her Charlotte. She’s uh, well, I’m starting to think she’s some sort of megalomaniacal super villain,” Taylor admitted. 

“Don’t worry about it, most demons are like that until they calm down a bit,” Mushu said. “If she gets to be too much, just kick her a little and send her to bed with no data.”

“What!? Mistress, please, do not treat me so!” the spider begged, suddenly crawling up Taylor’s leg to perch on her shoulder to Danny’s horror. “Have I not bequeathed you with incredible powers? We simply must gather data to…to…hmm.”

“To what?” Danny prompted, his eyes narrowing. 

The spider waved her forelegs. “Well, I was going to say to complete the Cycle, but that would result in the complete annihilation of mankind, and I sense that is not what you desire, is it?”

“Uh, no!” Taylor said, her tone horrified. “I was going to become a hero, not some crazy world-destroying villain!” 

“A pity. Very well, mistress. I will endeavor to ensure that you become a most GLORIOUS heroine, casting down that pretender Alexandria and the rest of those pathetic fools, ruling over this world as their uncontested hero!” 

“I don’t think you know what being a hero means,” Taylor said, glaring at the arachnid. “How about you let me come up with the plans and you just do what I say.”

“Hmph. A most boring proposition. I have already iterated over 12,000 ways you can achieve complete domination over this city, and attain revenge upon those who have wronged you! Aren’t you interested in hearing them?” Charlotte said, rubbing her legs together in a most wicked fashion. 

“My little girl ain’t doing any of that,” Danny said, sticking a finger in Charlotte’s face. 

“Dad! But, but I have powers now! You know, with great power comes great responsibility and…stuff,” Taylor said, looking at him desperately. 

Danny swallowed. “Yeah, I know, sweetheart, but…look. We’ll call Alan in the morning, and figure out how to get you into the Wards and stuff.”

“No! I don’t- that’s not-”

“Joining the Protectorate ain’t such a good idea. I don’t know if they’ve tapped into the Abyss here or not, but even if they haven’t, they probably got a dead god in the basement. If I what I saw of Armsmaster is any indication, they ain’t in such a good head space right now. I’m thinking joining them is a bad idea,” Mushu said, hopping up onto the kitchen counter. 

“And are you some sort of…spirit guide? Like in the movie?” Danny said, turning to Mushu. “That’s a bit odd, my family isn’t Chinese. At least, not that I know of.”

“Eh, that don’t matter so much. I got a little girl, bit younger than Taylor there. Headstrong thing, and I know she gotta be looked after,” Mushu said with a shrug. “See, I don’t know how everything works here, but it seems I got me a gang already that needs reformin’. I was gonna take Taylor under my wing so to speak, teach her how to be a proper Guardian, and to respect the dictates of Eternity. Maybe teach her how to use her demon properly.”

“She will require no such instruction! I will teach her how to access her powers myself!” Charlotte huffed. She leaned close to Taylor’s ear and whispered, “Mistress, I can teach you how to control oh so much more than simple arthropods…”

“Yeah, no. I put a lock on those powers for a reason. Insects only, and a hard cap on it. You were giving her too much access to all that. Enough to drive a person crazy. She’s gotta work up to the big stuff, and it’s completely against the principles of Eternity to mind control sentient beings. So none of that,” Mushu said, pointing at Charlotte. 

“Wait, so, um, do I get different powers then? Or did you just neuter me?” Taylor asked, sounding defeated. 

“One step at a time, kid. And let me talk to your dad for a moment. You folks mind if I change real quick?”

Danny frowned, then glanced at Taylor. 

“Uh, he’s actually Lung. Sort of, I think?” Taylor said. 

Danny sucked in a breath. “Wait, Lung? Of the ABB?”

“No,” a deep masculine voice said, and Danny looked up, and up, and up, into the purple eyes of a giant of a man. “I am what Kenta Wang, the man once known as Lung, should have been. Not a thug out for only his own power and glory, but the Guardian of Eternity, who uses his strength to protect all mankind.”

“Oh,” Danny said, feeling slightly lightheaded. “So, uh, you’re…from an alternate Earth, or something?”

“Somethin’ like that. I’ll need to get home, eventually. Got a wife and a kid, even if they’re spendin’ all their damn time in France these days. Anyway, Taylor, you stay with your father, talk things out. You got school in the morning?”

“Uh, yeah,” Taylor admitted. 

Mushu, or Lung, or Kenta, whoever he was, nodded. “I’ll let you decide how to play that. Don’t rightly know how all things work here, but you ain’t some parahuman who plays dumb games to generate conflict. You’re a Guardian now. You protect the helpless. That includes yourself, you hear? Charlotte, you’re on full lockdown unless Taylor’s ass need’s savin’. Then and only then can you unleash your full potential, and even then, you use only the minimum force required to keep her safe. Understand?”

“I am under no obligation to serve you, dragon!” Charlotte hissed, then squeaked and hid behind Taylor’s head when Mushu’s head thrust forward towards her. 

“I ain’t askin’. I’m tellin’. Taylor don’t have to have a cute little mascot runnin’ around to help her learn the ropes. I could just eat you, and give her only the power she needs. So, what’ll it be, spider?”

“It will be as you say, Lord Mushu,” Charlotte grumbled. 

“Glad we understand one another,” Mushu rumbled. He leaned back, then stuck out a hand to Danny. “You’ve got a fine daughter, Mr. Hebert. With your permission, I’ll teach her how to control what she’s got. It’s a heavy burden, but one I think she can bear.”

“I…” Danny swallowed, the let his hand be enveloped by Mushu’s, and gave it a hearty squeeze. “Yes. If you can help my girl, you do it, sir. And I’ll do whatever is needed to support her.”

“Once, you were a man of Ambition and Vision, Daniel Hebert. Perhaps, if you can reignite that, you’ll be recognized once more. But I’m not certain how that works here. Farwell. I’ve got to go see those idiot gangsters don’t do somethin’ stupid again.” 

With that, Mushu stepped out of the house. Danny went over to the window with Taylor, then gasped. An enormous serpentine dragon rose up over their neighborhood, glowing with power and crackling with purple lightning. It snacked off through the night sky, and Danny had to pity anyone stupid enough to get in its way. 

Then he turned to Taylor, who looked back at him nervously. He didn’t know what to say. So instead, he just hugged Taylor. 

That seemed to be the right thing, because she hugged him back. Somehow, it would be alright.

It took about two days for Mushu to track down Oni Lee and Bakuda, and “explain” to them how things worked now. He also had to pull their demons out and reset their brains. Bakuda wasn’nt too bad, though she was a real piece of work that Kenta was going to need to keep on a short leash. Oni Lee was so damn far gone that he was barely human anymore, poor bastard. Mushu did his best to fill the man’s missing soul with bits of his demon, but what resulted was more a loyal pet than an actual person. A real pity. 

Reorganizing the ABB was a pain in the ass as well. They were all gangsters and scum, though thankfully no one was stupid enough to challenge Mushu. So they didn’t listen real good when he told them ‘no more crime, no more drugs, no more whores.’ But he didn’t really need to sleep, so he was able to spend all his time sitting on their idiot asses and forcing them to start acting like real humans. 

He set about on several construction projects, rebuilding the portions of the city of Brockton Bay his gang controlled. He even planted a Thunder Sakura, though it wasn’t as powerful or as impressive as what Ei could manage. He had enough Authority to manage it though, and the free power soon had the slums at least starting to believe Lung and the ABB had turned over a new leaf. 

He was overseeing the burning of several hundred kilos of various illegal drugs, when the Protectorate showed up, led by Armsmaster. 

“Master, shall we fight?” Oni-Lee asked.

“No, Lee, we’re not fighting them,” Taylor told the maniac. She was Mushu’s official right hand lieutenant now, largely because she was both more stable than Lee or Bakuda, but also because she wasn’t a complete piece of shit like they were. Lee didn’t seem to care, but Bakuda resented the hell out of Taylor. She was currently in time out with no powers until she saw sense, something she hadn’t believed Mushu was capable of striping from her until he had. 

“We ain’t startin’ nothin’,” Mushu said, folding his arms over his chest as the Protectorate approached. He frowned at one of them. Was that Miss Militia? Where was her power armor? “But we ain’t backin’ down neither. Taylor, if this gets hot-”

“I can help in a fight!” Taylor protested.

“Well, yeah. I was gonna say, if this gets hot, screen us with insects, and do your best to neutralize the soft targets,” Mushu said, frowning at her. “Just don’t get yourself killed.”

“Oh. Oh! Yes sir!” Taylor said eagerly. 

“Lung!” Armsmaster called. “Stand down, and prepare to be arrested.”

“I don’t think so, Colin,” Mushu shouted back. “You and Hannah-”

“Um, sir?” Taylor interrupted, tugging on Mushu’s sleeve. “Um, their identities aren’t public. You, uh, you probably shouldn’t toss those around.”

Oh, right. That. Stupid ass game. He cleared his throat, “Uh, sorry about that, Armsmaster. You and Miss Militia can step forward and parley with me, but I will not be going to prison today, or any other. There is too much work to do.”

The Protectorate spoke quietly for a moment, before Colin jerked a nod and pointed to middle of the street. Mushu ambled forward, Taylor at his side. She had on a mask, though not the weird bug-eyed thing she’d made before. Mushu had explained that sort of thing was intimidating, and not very heroic. He was trying to work the girl up to not trying to hide who she was. To obfuscate your identity was not a thing of Eternity. But a domino mask was a compromise, at least. 

They met by the median, with Miss Milita holding a rifle, Armsmaster with a newly constructed Halberd on his shoulder. Good. Mushu hadn’t meant to destroy his demon, more replicate what Lord Buer had done to the man. Or his alternate self, leastways. 

“Lung. You are engaged in criminal activity. Very public criminal activity. The Protectorate can’t stand for this,” Armsmaster said bluntly. 

“Uh huh. How ya feelin’, Colin? Hannah, I suppose we’ve met before. Though this is on better terms. Sorry about the whole shoutin’ your identity thing. Not used to people hidin’ who they are,” Mushu said, folding his arms over his chest. 

“How did you learn our identities, Lung?” Hannah demanded, her tone tight.

Mushu sighed, and glanced at Taylor. She shifted from foot to foot. “Uh, his name isn’t Lung, anymore. This is the same man…sort of. He’s from a different Earth.”

The two capes glanced at Taylor. “And who are you, girl?” Colin demanded. 

“I…” Taylor swallowed, and looked up at Mushu. He nodded. Slowly, she reached up, and removed her mask. “I’m Taylor Hebert. You can call me…uh, I still haven’t really thought of a name…”

“Secret identities are not an aspect of Eternity. We have no need for games,” Mushu rumbled. 

“I have come up with several excellent titles for you, Mistress!” Charlotte declared, crawling up out of the pouch on Taylor’s hip. Neither Hannah nor Colin reacted, so they clearly knew about her. “First, Queen Administrator! A title similar to my own, once! Second, a more insectile one, such as Skitter!”

“Just…just call me Taylor,” the girl sighed, giving the heroes a weak smile. 

“Bold move, showing us your face after throwing in with a villain,” Colin said, his own face still obscured behind a helmet. 

“We’re not Villains! We’re helping people!” Taylor bristled. 

“You’re openly in possession of illegal drugs,” Miss Milita pointed out.

“We’re disposing of them!” Taylor said, pointing. Several Guardians, Mushu flatly refused to call them the ABB any longer, had on masks and were dumping drugs into a large burning pit. It was the entire store, and there was a lot of it. 

“That’s not the proper way to dispose of drugs,” Armsmaster said.

“Alright, so what is the proper way?” Taylor huffed. 

“Turn them over to the police, obviously,” Miss Milita said, shaking her head. 

“Oh, um…” Taylor glanced at Mushu. 

He nodded. “A fair point. Very well. You can take them all. We have a detailed inventory. This is all the ABB had.”

“Aren’t you the ABB?” Colin demanded. 

“No. We’re the Guardians. We protect people,” Taylor said firmly. 

“You’ve been fighting with E88,” Colin pointed out.

Taylor glared at him. “They’re fucking Nazis! Of course we-” 

TAYLOR. 

Thunder rumbled, and both Miss Militia and Armsmaster jumped, glancing up at the sky, where dark clouds had suddenly formed. 

“Sorry, sorry. Um, they’re filthy Nazis, ma’am. Of course we’re fighting them. It’s what any real American would do,” Taylor said, cringing at first, then forcing her back to ramrod straightness. 

“Hatred is destructive. It is the enemy of Eternity,” Mushu stated flatly. “Those who would hate because of my followers race will be dealt with.”

Hannah turned to Colin. “Ok, look, I’m going to have to agree with the supposed villains here, Armsmaster. They’re Nazis. I might not like the ABB, but to call the E88 anything but scum is a lie. If they have it out, so be it.”

“Starting a war in my city is unacceptable,” Colin said. He glared at Mushu. “You said I was to be a guardian. Well, I’m guarding my city. From you, if I have to.”

“Good,” Mushu said, nodding. “But you don’t. I think we can work together, Colin. You always were reasonable, for a Yank. Tess had good taste.”

“Who is…Tess?” Colin asked, looking uneasy. 

“If you don’t know…then I’m sorry.” Come to think of it, he should reach out to her. Though finding her might be tricky. She’d been a computer program or something before she’d received her Vision. 

“So, you’ll turn over the drugs to us?” Miss Milita asked, turning back to Mushu. 

“They’re yours. I recognize your Authority in this matter,” Mushu said with a nod. “Taylor will oversee the transfer.”

“Where is Bakuda? There were explosions a few nights ago,” Colin asked. 

Mushu sighed. “I took away her powers. She’s currently on lockdown. If she doesn’t behave…I’ll consider turning her over to you. Sans powers, of course. Her demon might be too destructive for someone of her temperament. They remind me of young Clara’s.”

Both Hannah and Colin stepped back in horror. “You…you can strip someone of their powers!?”

“If they have a demon, yes. Though it’s more that I kill the demon, or subdue it. Can’t over use it though. That would attract…his…attention.” Mushu glanced around. “I’ve not seen Maou the Golden. Where is he? Any sign of him?”

“Who?” Colin asked, shaking his head. 

“You would know him as Zion. Or Scion. It matters not. He is the King of Demons, and the ultimate enemy of eternity. Be wary of him. He is one of the few things both Eternity and the Protectorate agreed were a threat,” Mushu said, turning away. “Now, I have much to attend to. Take the drugs and depart. You may schedule another meeting with me through Taylor.”

Mushu could feel the Protectorate’s eyes on him, but they did nothing to try to stop him. 

The rebuilding took another month. Mushu threw himself into the work. He had learned that Japan was gone, thrown into ruin, and had mostly pieced together what was different with this world.

No Archons. 

This meant that when Leviathan had attacked…he had been defeated. He could piece together the events of Lung’s life after that. Afraid, despondent, and bitter. He’d become a low level crook, never using his abilities to their fullest. Living in fear of a greater evil than himself. 

Well, that was over now. Mushu had no idea how he’d get home, but he desperately needed to. His wife and daughter were his Eternity. Without them…well. He’d find a way home. 

He was seeing to the training of the Guardians, having spent the weeks beating them from gangsters to real soldiers, when Taylor ran up to him one afternoon. 

“Lord Mushu!” she cried, her face pale. “Endbringer attack!”

“Where?” he demanded, turning towards her, his expression stormy. The Endbringers still existed in this world. Just the Simurgh, the Behemoth, and Levithan, but that was far too many. 

“Not far, Boston!” Taylor gasped. 

He nodded. “Get on,” he ordered. “We’re going.”

Taylor didn’t argue, scrambling aboard Mushu as he transformed into a great dragon, then took off in a burst of thunder, traveling as swiftly as the sound of its clap. 

They arrived over a city that was already beginning to flood, the waves crashing against it. Various capes were already attempting to stop the damage, Mushu thought he recognized Eidolon ironically enough, while others evacuated civilians. He lowered himself above a building, and Taylor and Charlotte hopped off. 

SEE TO THE SAFETY OF THE CIVILIANS, Mushu rumbled to Taylor

“What about you? Are you…you’re going to fight it, aren’t you?” Taylor asked.

NO, TAYLOR, Mushu growled. She looked at him aghast, but then he clarified. I AM GOING TO KILL IT.

“You know…I actually think you can,” Taylor whispered. She bowed to him, as he’d taught her. “Good luck, sir. I…I believe in you.”

YOUR FAITH IS APPRECIATED, MORTAL CHILD. NOW GO. GUARD THE DEFENSELESS. I SHALL SEE TO THE DEFENSE. 

Mushu raced towards the shoreline, then paused over the edge of the waters. A robot flew up to him, and to his surprise, Tessa’s voice came out of it. 

“Lung, we’re grateful you-”

MUSHU. LUNG IS NO MORE. 

“Very well. Mushu, we are grateful you are here. You have battled Leviathan before, are you able to hold the line with the Brutes?”

THIS BATTLE WILL NOT GO AS YOU THINK, THERESA. YOU ARE NOT THE DRAGON I KNEW, BUT STILL, I SENSE THE GUARDIAN WITHIN YOU. HOLD YOUR FORCES BACK. I SHALL DEAL WITH THE BEAST. 

“We’re going to have to work together, Mushu. This is an Endbringer it-”

THIS IS A PATHETIC REMNANT OF A DEAD GOD AND A MADMAN’S DELUSIONS. I WILL SPEAK WITH EIDOLON LATER. NOT NOW. BUT THE LEVIATHAN HAS NOT TRULY FACED ME BEFORE. THIS DAY, IT SHALL KNOW WHY I TOO AM CALLED ENDSLAYER. 

“Endslayer? What do you-”

I WILL TRY TO LIMIT THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS CITY. FOCUS YOUR FORCES UPON SAFEGUARDING IT. FOR THE POWER I MUST UNLEASH TO SLAY THIS DEMON BEAST WILL BE UNLIKE ANY THIS WORLD HAS WITNESSED BEFORE. 

With that, Mushu lowered himself down, hovering over the waters. He roared, a wordless battle cry, but one with Authority. One that demanded an answer. 

And from the depths, arose the thing he remembered all too well. 

LEVIATHAN. YOU WERE THE BAPTISM IN WHICH LUNG WAS DESTROYED. ONCE MORE, YOU SHALL BRING FORTH MUSHU, he roared at the creature. NOW, COME FORTH, AND WITNESS TRUE ETERNITY.

Disappointingly, the Endbringer was mute. A pity. Even Apep had partaken in witty banter from time to time, and Mushu had rather enjoyed it. Maybe he had spent too much time around Ami. 

Still, the thing attacked for all it was worth, sending water and fury at Mushu, even lashing out with its tail to strike him. 

He recalled barely keeping up with the Leviathan. Of needing Ei to face it. That had been more than a decade ago. Before he had truly grown into his powers. Before he’d really even had them. 

Things were different now. 

To call it a battle would have been an over exaggeration. Battles were drawn out, bloody affairs. This was a fight. It wasn’t an easy one, true, but Mushu had long ago surpassed a baseline Endbringer. True, he would have lost badly to the Omega or even Alpha Behemoth and the Twins both, but he hadn’t fought them alone. Nor were they as weak as this creature. 

He took the Leviathan’s blows, then infused the waters with Electro. The demon beast clearly knew nothing of Elemental Energy, and it was taken aback by the Electro Charged reaction. Mushu didn’t give it a break, diving into the Endbringer with fang and claw, snarling and chomping down for all he was worth. The things hide was as tough as he remembered, but Ei had taught him long ago how to attack not just at one point in time, but throughout all Eternity. He ripped off the Endbringer’s right arm, then tossed it aside, his claws buried in its flesh. 

It didn’t seem to care about the wound, using water echos and blasts that could cut through tungsten to assault Mushu. They hurt him, to be sure, but not badly. Only a little blood was even drawn, and Mushu was regenerating more rapidly than the Leviathan. 

YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A BEAST, Mushu growled, the slammed the Leviathan to the ground, sending up sprays of water and sand. 

The Endbringer lashed out again, swiping with its tail and hammering Mushu with enough water to drive him back. He let go with his claws, floating back up in the air. The creature below him regarded him, and Mushu could feel the demon beast calculating. He was something new. 

Time to give the demon more data than it ever bargained for. 

Rearing back, Mushu focused the Electro in the storm that was rapidly swelling above Boston, then directed it downwards and into the Leviathan. A massive bolt of lightning struck the creature in a dazzling burst, but it was not alone. Bolt after bolt fell from the heavens and blasted the Levithan, blowing chunks out of it and driving it down. 

Still, that wasn’t enough to put an Endbringer down, and Mushu knew that perfectly well. Simple physical attacks were not nearly enough. The Leviathan tried to retreat, having taken enough damage in mere minutes to the point where it felt threatened. That wasn’t satisfying either. 

BEAST! WITNESS NOW, TRUE ETERNITY! BEGONE!

Opening his maw wide, Mushu summoned forth all the Authority he held, and breathed out a massive stream of Electro, imbued with his power as a Guardian and the desperate need to protect this city and its people. The beam slammed into the Leviathan, piercing its very heart as the Electro Authority washed over it not just in the moment, but in every passing instant of transience throughout Eternity.  

When Mushu shut his jaw, the Leviathan’s head rolled off the gaping hole in its chest, and its torse flopped down in the shallow waters with a splash. Waves rolled over it, and Mushu grunted.

Did Ei ever really need my help to kill it? 

Probably not. But she had always understood the importance of having troops to lead into battle. 

Mushu watched the water pass over the corpse, then turned. He found a city full of mortals looking back at him, there eyes wide. 

I KNOW NOT HOW LONG I SHALL REMAIN HERE. BUT WHILE I DO, I WILL BE THE GUARDIAN OF THIS WORLD. 

Then he went to go find Taylor. There was work to be done. 

Author’s Note:

Happy April Fools! 

The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 4

Animula Choragi 4: Dea Inutilis Aqua

It was quiet in the early Paris morning as Yennifer jogged through the park. There were still plenty of cars and people about, a city the size of Paris never truly slept, but just after dawn on a Sunday was about the closest the city ever came to true quiet. It was a good time for her to head to the park and go for a nice long run to clear her head, trying to chase away the stress of the week and the horrors of the past. 

It had been about a month since she’d returned to Paris, barely managing to keep her little sister out of jail. The French authorities had been locking up Cryo Vision Holders left and right, and Yennifer was still fighting to get many of them out of prison. Thankfully, she’d been able to use her connections to keep Charlotte out of jail, combined with her sister’s status as a minor. It had been rather unexpected that her sister had been granted a Cryo Vision, but then again even at the age of 14 Charlotte was already extremely passionate and narrow-minded in her pursuit of “the Truth” as she saw it. 

 She was just finishing a lap around a small lake when she saw several people hurrying away, faces white, looks of fear plastered on. 

“Mom, mom, look! She just appeared! Is she a hero?! She’s dressed like Lightning Princess Ami!!”

Yennifer paused, but her heart sped up as she looked around. A woman with blue hair and odd clothes was sitting alone on a bench, looking around herself with a confused expression. 

Ah hell. Are they a cape? Who are they?  Why didn’t I bring my sword…

Swallowing, Yennifer jogged forward, approaching the woman as she got up and went over to the water’s edge to peer at her own reflection. 

“Hello, good morning. Are you quite well?” Yennifer said.

“Huh?” the woman turned around, head cocked to one side. “Who’re you?”

“Yennifer Lustria, part-time cape, part-time attorney,” Yennifer said automatically. 

“A cape? Are you, like, an adventurer or something?” the woman said, frowning. “You’re dressed in a tracksuit, just like that stupid NEET.” 

“Uh, yes, I was out for a morning jog,” Yennifer said. “The people said you just appeared here, are you lost?”

“Nope! I know exactly where I am!” the woman said proudly, standing up and pointing. “That’s the Eiffel Tower! So I’m in France!” 

Yennifer glanced in that direction, where you really could barely make out the Eiffel Tower. “Yes, it is.”

“Great! Then I’m finally free!” the woman cackled. “Now I’ll just go home and finally be pampered the way I want!” 

Yennifer frowned, this was either a crazy person, or something was off. The woman turned around, and a staff with a flower tip appeared in her hands. She raised it on high and declared, “Open, Pathways of Heaven!” 

Nothing happened. Yennifer looked about, but everyone else was long gone, leaving her alone with this apparent lunatic. Though one that obviously had powers. “Er, I’m not sure who you are, but-”

“Pff, of course you don’t! This is France, it’s Venus’ territory or something. Now open up, you stupid pathway!” the woman railed, waving her staff about furiously. 

“Uh, Miss, please, who are you, exactly?” 

The woman paused in her futile efforts. She turned about, giving Yennifer a pitying look. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m the Goddess of Water.” 

Oh shit. It was about that time, it had been more than a year since the Tsaritsa had appeared, and the Archons had been arriving every other year or so. “Um, Miss…do you mind me asking who you are, exactly?”

“Fufufufu!” the woman tittered, giving possibly the most annoying laugh Yennifer had ever heard. She slowly floated up in the air, and a divine light shone down from heaven, illuminating her as a pool of water formed under her and white doves exploded out of nothing to flap around her. 

Behold, I am the Goddess of Water, Aqua. I have descended from Heaven to grant you favor, Miss Antlers. 

“You…you’re the Hydro Archon?!” Yennifer gasped. 

Aqua’s eyes shot open and she fell back to the ground, planting her hands on her hips and glaring at Yennifer. “Archon?! You mean those peons who run about on Teyvat with the mortals!? Ugh, no! Can’t you tell? I’m a SENIOR Goddess, not some low-level Archon! Please, even my Junior, Eris, outranks one of THEM. They don’t even get vacation days!”

“Oh, uh, very sorry, Goddess,” Yennifer said, sweating bullets now. “Um, perhaps you’d be willing to come with me while I, er, make a few calls so people can…recognize your glory?”

“Hmmm…” Aqua folded her arms and tapped her foot, her brow furrowed as Yennifer’s heart thundered. Then she suddenly brightened. “Hey, Paris has like, really good bubbly, right?” 

“Er, yes, the finest wines are available in Paris,” Yennifer agreed, trying to keep herself calm. Focus. She’d met gods before. This wasn’t that scary. Yet. 

“Super! You can buy me some! I’ve always wanted to visit Paris, and Celestia won’t really miss me if I take a few vacation days. They probably haven’t even noticed I’m gone! Come on, let’s go have some fun!” Aqua declared, then skipped off, humming to herself. 

Hurriedly, Yennifer took Aqua to the nearest cafe, where people eyed the odd looking woman sideways. She definitely stood out with her ultra short skirt and bright blue hair, but as Yennifer’s horns marked her as a cape, most people just accepted it. 

“Hmm, I want something savory to go with my bubbly! You have French Fries in France, right?” Aqua asked. 


The waiter and Yennifer gave Aqua pained smiled. She didn’t sound like a tourist, she sounded Parisen, but calling frites French Fries was a dead giveaway. “...we do have pommes frites, Mademoiselle,” the waiter said. 


“Great, I’ll take that, and tuna-mayo-rice, along with your finest bubbly!” 

“Tuna…mayo…that is not-” the waiter began, but Yennifer frantically motioned to him and the man bent down.

“Listen, she might not look it, but that’s an S Class Threat at least sitting right there. For Heaven’s sake, don’t piss her off, or she could level the entire city! Just make her damn fried potatoes and whatever unholy abomination tuna-mayo-rice is,” Yennifer hissed.


The waiter’s color paled, but he stood up stiffly. “I am sorry, but my honor as a Frenchman forbids me from making such unholy cuisine. Mademoiselle, you may choose another item from the menu. We do not carry that tuna-whatever!” 

“Aww…wait, you have crepes! Perfect, I’ll take those!” Aqua declared.

Yennifer breathed a sigh of relief, then frantically began texting on her phone. The waiter poured Aqua a glass of wine, but she insisted on taking the entire bottle and chugging it like it was cheap swill instead of 100 francs a bottle. This was going to be ruinous for Yennifer’s budget. She’d damn well better get a medal for this. 



Venti had just about completely reformed, when he got a text from Yennifer. Even as a wind sprite, Venti made sure to keep a stable internet connection so he could shit post on PHQ and troll idiots who simped for fascists. The mods had given up banning the_green_twink when Venti had privately proven he was a cape, and it was fairly well known by now who he was. 

So when Yennifer’s message popped up, Venti opened it in between composing a ditty about how Alexandria’s policies were as tyrannical as her poor taste in shoes. 

Hydro Archon has arrived! Lord Barbados, please help! 

Venti closed out the other tab and redirected his attention. 

Oh, what makes you think the Hydro Archon is here, AntleredJustice? 

The response was a picture, which showed a blue-haired woman drinking wine from a bottle in a Parisian cafe, a plate of half eaten french fries in front of her along with a plate of crapes. 

Venti immediately logged off and threw his phone into the nearest crevasse. He needed a nap, and a vacation. A very, very long vacation. As far away from France as he could get. He had heard that there were rabbits on the moon now. Maybe Tsu wouldn’t mind if he crashed at her place for a few centuries. 

Why couldn’t it have been Focalors? At least she was sane.



Yennifer waited nervously for a text from Lord Barbados as she watched Aqua chug yet another bottle of extremely expensive wine. The supposed goddess had demolished an entire platter of fried potatoes along with a dozen crepes, and was looking around for more.

“So, uh, Aqua, if you’re not the Hydro Archon…what exactly are you the god of, anyway?” Yennifer asked for lack of a better line of questioning. 

“Hmph! Well, obviously, I’m a super amazing goddess!” the woman declared, flipping her blue pony tail and grinning broadly. “I’m the Goddess of Water! Mostly though, I find dead kids and send them off to other worlds to try and save them from a Devil King. I’m really good at it too! I got ‘Top Performing Employee’ of Celestia for three decades running, until that stupid Vanessa took my slot one year. I would have beaten her too, if I hadn’t slept in on that last day!” 

That job description sounded extremely suspect, but Yennifer wasn’t going to ask too many questions. “So, um, I bet you have a lot of questions about Earth…”

“Nah, I totally know about Earth! We get TV and stuff,” Aqua said dismissively. 

“Oh,” Yennifer said, deflating slightly.

“Yep! My favorite show is Haruhi Suzumiya, because she’s a super amazing goddess, just like me! Kyon even reminds me of Kazuma, because they’re both boring sticks in the mud who should really just do what I tell them!” 

That got Yennifer’s attention. “Oh? That sounds Japanese.”


“Yep! I was one of the Gods of Japan, specifically Young People! I’d find the NEETs, then Isekai them off to their own little adventure!” Aqua said, puffing out her chest. 

“Well, in that case, maybe you know the Raiden Shogun then,” Yennifer offered. 

“Huh? Oh, you mean Ei. Yeah, it was super sad what happened to her sister and stuff,” Aqua said with a nod. “Wanna see a magic trick?”


“Uh, sure,” Yennifer agreed absently and began furiously texting her contacts in Japan. 



Ei looked up as Mushu burst into her chambers. “They ID’d that constellation!” 

“Oh?” setting down her latest copy of Shonen Jump, Ei rose to her feet. “They have found the Hydro Archon, then?”


“Yeah, we got a text from one of the Knights of Favonius. They found her in Paris. Here’s a picture,” Mushu said, passing over a screen with an image on it. 

Ei’s eyes widened as she saw the picture of a blue-haired woman making a napkin disappear. She grabbed Mushu by the collar and demanded, “The Constellation, what was the name?!” 

“Uh, it’s Dea Inutilis. Which is kinda weird, because-” 

“Excuse me, there is urgent business that requires my attention elsewhere,” Ei said, sprinting away from Mushu as she hastily opened a portal to the moon. “Tell Ami she is in charge until I get back. And that we are banning all visitors from France, permanently.”

“Wait, what!? Where are you going!? We still got that damn war with the Tsaritsa and-”

Ei hastily stepped onto the lunar surface. Perhaps this would be far enough away. She would have to find a way to keep Aqua and her idiot followers as far away as possible.



After only five minutes, a massive crowd had gathered around Aqua as she continued to perform various sleight-of-hand tricks. Or at least, Yennifer thought they were sleight of hand tricks. Aqua had stuffed an entire baguette into a hat she had borrowed, and when it had been returned to the owner, no one had even found a crumb.

“Nature’s Beauty!” 

“Ooooooooo!”

The crowd cheered as Aqua performed yet another trick, this time with paper fans and making water spout out of them. It was interesting, but had these people seriously never seen a street magician before?

Her phone rang, and Yennifer hastily put it to her ear. “Sara!? What can you tell me!? Does the Shogun know her?!”

“Um, hello, Yennifer. Er, as soon as we showed the Shogun the picture you sent us…she ran away to the moon,” Sara Tengan admitted. 


“Wait, WHAT?!”

“Uh, also…we’re putting a complete communications and travel embargo on anyone from France, or who has recently visited France…so this will be the last time we talk for a while.”

“But WHY!?” Yennifer wailed. “She’s not THAT bad!”

“...Shogun’s orders. Something about an Axis Cult? Um, bye.”

There was a click, and Yennifer stared at her phone in disgust. She picked it back up and immediately dialed another number that she had just for emergencies. After a few rings, it picked up.

“Thank goodness! Please, I just need someone to-”

“The number you have reached is no longer in service,” Nahida’s voice said. “Please hang up and try again, or press one for more options.”

“Lord Buer, I can HEAR you! I know this isn’t a machine!” Yennifer said, nearly in tears. “Please, she’s already drank nearly ₣500 worth of booze in less than an hour!” 


“Click brrrrrrrrrrr,” Nahida said. 

“This is childish! Why are you doing this!?” Yennifer demanded.


Nahida was silent for a moment, then said, “If you’d ever had to deal with Aqua, you’d know this is the wisest course of action. Sorry. Don’t call me again.”

Then she too hung up on Yennifer. 

Just then, there was the sound of squealing tires and a loud crash. Yennifer spun about to see a car that had just swerved and hit a street lamp. Unfortunately, it had also pasted a pair of young girls, their broken bodies on the pavement. 

“Oh no!” Aqua gasped, dropping her fans and running forward, even as the bleeding motorist stumbled out of his car. She knelt beside the two girls, both of whom were clearly dead on impact. 

“Isn’t there anything that can be done!?” someone called.

“Of course! With a super amazing goddess like me, this can be fixed in a jiffy!” Aqua declared. 


Several people glared angrily at her, right up until Aqua raised one hand on high and cried, “Resurrection!” 

A bright flash of light enveloped both young women, and a moment later, they sat up. 

“Wait, where am I!? I was just talking to Saint Peter! Only, he was a buxom silver-haired woman,” one of the girls said. 


The other hugged herself and shivered. “Guess I never should have stolen that lollipop. Someone called Maxwell the Adjuster was telling me about how he was going to torture me for all eternity!” 

“Fear not, my children,” Aqua said, patting both girls on the head. “I, Aqua, Goddess of Water, have restored you to life!”

“How can we ever repay you!?” the girls cried, taking Aqua’s hands. 

“Why, by joining the Axis Cult! We’re always recruiting! We’re the most fun a religion can be!” Aqua declared, giving both girls a parchment form. Then she skipped over to the injured driver and with a single, “Sacred Heal!” fixed all their injuries. 

“Now, don’t go texting and driving again! Killing yourself or others is a sin, mostly because it creates more work for us up in heaven,” Aqua told the still dazed man. 

Just then, the author got bored and decided to end the chapter, so a golden man descended from heaven, his long white hair flowing behind him. He glowered at Aqua, then declared, “Do not interfere in the Cycle.”

Aqua sniffed their air, and her eyes grew narrow. “Wait a minute. It suddenly smells like demon in here…”

“I am Zion, Lord of the Cycle. You will serve me as well,” the Entity demanded. “Generate Conflict, and I will allow you to share in my data.”

“Yennifer?” Aqua said, and handed over a bottle of wine. “Hold my bubbly.”

“Uh, ok? But, um, we really shouldn’t antagonize Scion…” Yennifer said, wincing.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Aqua growled. She rolled up her sleeve, and her fist began to glow.

“What is this folly? Do you seek to challenge the Warrior? Must I put you in your place, as I did the icy administrator?” Scion, or Zion, or whatever he was calling himself, demanded. 

“I know just what to do with Devil Kings like you!” Aqua growled, raising her fist. “Now, witness the fury of a goddess scorned! GOD BLOW!” 

Scion sneered, right up until Aqua’s fist connected with him. She hit him so hard, his golden sandals fell off, and he was hurtled over the horizon with a broken jaw. All that was left were the shoes, as well as half a dozen teeth.

“Huh, he must be really strong,” Aqua mused as Yennifer and the crowd looked on, completely thunderstruck. Shading her eyes, Aqua followed the rapidly fading projectile she had launched. “I think he actually survived that.”

“Wait, WHAT?!” Yennifer demanded. 

“There she is, the one who skipped out on her bill!” the waiter from earlier said, pointing. “ARREST HER!” 

“Wait, no, don’t!” Yennifer cried, as two policemen hurried forward. Visions of horror filled her mind. Would Aqua destroy an entire city if they tried to arrest her?!

“AAHHH! YENIFER, HEEEEEELP!” Aqua wailed as the police grabbed her. She was roughly shoved into handcuffs, blubbering and weeping like a drunken idiot. 

“That one too, she did not pay her bill either!” The waiter said.

“Wait, I’m a lawyer!” Yennifer protested as she too was cuffed. 

“Do you have the money to pay your bill? It was over ₣1000,” the policeman growled. 

“Um, no, but I-”


“Then it’s jail for you,” she was informed. 

A moment later, the woman who had just punched out Scion was stuffed into the back of a paddy wagon with Yennifer. They were thrown in the drunk tank for three hours, until Yennifer was able to cover bail by having Charlotte bring over her checkbook. 

Aqua passed out drunk and slept through the whole thing.

Author’s Note:

I decided Furina would be boring and predictable. Instead, we’re getting a NEW hydro archon!

The Broad Side of a Barn: Chapter 3

The next morning, Kazuma, Darkness, and the rest of the party (plus Yunyun) all went to the tournament grounds to register. Darkness was dressed in her armor, though she had on a tiara like crown with the Dustiness sigil on it. 

“Stay close to me, Megumin. You’re still a wanted woman,” Darkness told the chuuni little menace when they arrived at the tournament grounds, which were just to the south of Axel along the River Spoke. 

There were people everywhere, with large, colorful tents and dozens of temporary wooden stands going up. The sound of hammers and saws could be heard everywhere, along with shouting men and creaking wagon axles. Most of the people Kazuma didn’t even recognize, meaning they had to be from out of town, as he knew all the regulars in Axel by sight if not by name at this point. 

“Haha! After this tournament, I shall be even MORE wanted, as I will be crowned the Champion of Magic!” Megumin proclaimed, swishing her cloak dramatically. 

“Megumin…you do realize that the Tournament calls for a series of contests between mages, correct?” Darkness said wearily. “Contests that need to be decidedly non-lethal.”

“What!? That is not how a proper showcase of skill works! The mages should introduce themselves, and be graded on their style! Then they showcase their most impressive spells before a panel of judges, and based upon the destruction wrought, receive further points!” Megumin said. 

Kazuma turned to Yunyun. “Is that what happens where you’re from?”

“Um, no. The l-last Strongest Under the Heavens Crimson Deathmatch took place, um, 137 years ago. It, uh, it was also the first. W-we had to move to a new village after that…the old one was rendered uninhabitable,” Yunyun admitted. “M-My great-great-grandmother, Chief Linainver, banned it after that.”

“That is because our ancestors were a bunch of cowards,” Megumin grumbled, kicking at a rock. She suddenly perked up. “I know! Kazuma can use drain touch on me after each bout! Then I can-”

“NO!” Kazuma and Darkness said at the same time. 

“Megumin, you are under no circumstances to blow up the tournament grounds!” Darkness said, grabbing the smaller girl by the arm. 

“I wouldn’t blow them up! Just showcase my magnificent Explosion Magic!” Megumin argued. 

“Uh huh. What if you actually killed someone?!” Kazuma demanded. 

“Aqua could just bring them back,” Megumin grumbled. 

“Not if they’re vaporized,” Aqua said with a shrug. “There has to be something left of them.”

“Oh, uh, well, um…surely the crowd will be so wowed by my display of Explosion Magic that they will crown me the victor!” Megumin rebutted hopefully. 

A lightbulb went off in Kazuma’s head. “You know, some of these suckers aren’t from around here, Megumin.”

“Yes, obviously, what is your point?” Megumin asked, her eyes narrowing. 

“Well, you also haven’t set off an Explosion in a couple of days, so some of them won’t know just how devastating your Explosions can be…so what if we tricked some mages into betting they could set off a bigger boom than you? Then, you could prove your superiority AND win some eris off a few marks when you prove that you’re the most destructive maniac in the entire world.”

Megumin blinked a few times, then a wide grin spread over her face. “HAHA! Yes! My mastery of Explosion Magic is such that none can even hope to contest me! If we create our own magecraft competition, then I shall easily be the victor, and all shall be forced to acknowledge me as the mistress of Explosion magic!” 

“Yeah…we just gotta find some suckers who would be willing to take you on…” Kazuma said, rubbing his hands together. 

“Ha ha, of course! Yunyun, you must enter this contest as well!” Megumin demanded. 

“Oh! Um, b-but I only know Advanced Magic and Intermediate Magic…” Yunyun said, blushing nervously. 

“That’s a fine idea. I’m certain you’ll both represent the honor of the Crimson Demon Clan well,” Darkness said with a nod. 

“B-but, I…oh, never mind,” Yunyun mumbled. 

“And Yunyun will ALSO enter into the boring, ordinary Magecraft competition so that she can prove the superiority of the Crimson Demon Clan over all other mages as well!” 

Gasping, Yunyun put her hands to her face. “M-Megumin! You…you…”

“Obviously, I will still triumph in the contest of Explosion magic, which means I am still the Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan!” Megumin bragged, swaggering ahead of her rival. 

Hurrying forward, Yunun walked beside Megumin, glancing at her nervously. Megumin turned her head and glared. “What?”

“N-nothing…”

“Hmph.” 

The two Crimson Demons strode off, with Megumin loudly describing an increasingly elaborate plan for her contest, and Yunyun meekly nodding. 

Sighing, Kazuma rubbed the back of his head. “Those two…ugh. Well, at least that’s one problem solved, and we get Megumin out of our hair…”

“Deftly handled, Kazuma, thank you. I will see to it that Alderp sets aside a suitable area for the contest. He should comply, if we agree to pay him a share of the profits,” Darkness said with a shake of her head. 

“I mean, we could just make everyone trek out to Beldia’s old castle. It’s still spawning zombies and stuff, right? So blowing it up would only help everyone. No need to split the profits with that fat bastard.”

“These are his lands, and this is his tournament. We are already in enough debt and legal trouble as it is. Sometimes, Kazuma, it really is best to ask for permission instead of needing to beg forgiveness after the fact.” 

“Yeah, I guess. Hey, wait a minute, where’d Aqua go?” Kazuma said, spinning about. “I swear, if she’s off causing trouble-!”

Darkness looked about hastily herself, then suddenly relaxed and pointed. “Ah. It seems she found some of her old coworkers. There.” 

Following her gesture, Kazuma spied Aqua, who had somehow changed into her old builder’s uniform of a bandana, loose shirt, and baggy canvas pants. She was helping their old construction crew put up some booths, which would both keep her out of trouble and get her a little pocket money. 

“Well, that’s alright then,” Kazuma sighed in relief. He jerked his head towards the largest tent, which had colorful banners fluttering from it, including Alderp’s own banner, which was a red and blue pennant with a silver mailed fist on it. It looked tacky as far as Kazuma was concerned, not like Darkness’ stylish golden winged sword and shield on a silver background. “Shall we?”

Darkness closed her eyes, then nodded. “Yes. Yes, we shall.”

That was weird. Why was she acting like this was going to be torture? Or, well, not torture. If it had been torture, she’d have been drooling, and Kazuma would have had to drag her away before she did something dumb. 

“Hey, uh, what’s up?” Kazuma asked as they walked. “You uh, seem off today. Is this about…you know? Last night…”

“We will speak of your demon later, Kazuma,” Darkness said firmly. “There are some humiliations I will gladly endure. But one of my party members being a pet to a demon is not one of them.”

“That’s not what- look, it’s uh, it’s more like VR porn,” Kazuma said, then winced. That probably did not help his case.

Darkness frowned down at him. “VR…porn? What is…? Kazuma, do not lie to me!” 

“Uh, virtual reality porn. Come on, you know what porn is, don’t you?”

“I…” Darkness hesitated. “...I have heard of…pornographic materials. They are…lewd depictions of men and women, yes?”

“Oh come on! With your pervy mind, there’s no way you don’t have a massive stash!” Kazuma said, pointing an accusatory finger at Darkness. 

“K-Kazuma, not so loud! We…we are in public!” Darkness gasped, her eyes flitting around, though it was noisy enough that he doubted anyone would hear him or care unless he shouted. Still, she was squirming in embarrassment, and maybe it wasn’t such a hot idea that Kazuma out the both of them as perverts. He lowered his voice. 

“Look, your dad has a big old stash in his room! You can’t tell me you’ve never snuck a look! He’s a dirty old man for sure! Plus, he’s got those two maids…”

Darkness groaned and put her face in her hands. “I…I did sneak a peak, once or twice, but…but it is filthy, Kazuma! I-I a maiden, virtuous and pure!” 

“Right. Sure. And what happened in the bath last night?” Kazuma asked, folding his arms over his chest. 

“T-that was-! T-that was merely two…two companions…h-helping one another get clean,” Darkness mumbled, looking away from him, though she was starting to drool again. “A-and, um, a relaxing massage. I…I have had those before!”

“Sure. But you definitely know what porn is.”

“I am a crusader! What would Lady Eris think if she…if she saw me with such wretched materials?!” Darkness hissed at Kazuma, leaning in close so that he felt her hot breath on his ear. 

“Eh, she wouldn’t judge. Really, the priesthood is a bit stricter than Lady Eris is on the whole virtue thing. As long as you have a formal betrothal in place, go nuts. And even then, heavy petting  or a few dirty pictures aren’t going to send you straight to the bad place. If you feel really guilty, confess your sins to the priest and pay an indulgence and you’re good.”

Kazuma and Darkness both jumped and spun about, only to find a cheekily grinning Chris behind them. 

“C-Chris!” Darkness gasped, a hand over her heart. “You startled me! Um, you ah…overheard…?”

“Eh, relax you two!” Chris said, putting an arm over each of their shoulders. “As long as you kids are having fun and being cute together, I’m sure Lady Eris would be supportive! I’m rooting for you, Tina baby! You’ve needed a boyfriend for a long time. And Kazuma…nice. Just remember: she’s way, WAY out of your league, so don’t screw this up.”

“‘We’re not dating!’” Kazuma and Darkness said practically in stereo, then turned and looked at one another and blushed before turning back to Chris.

“We, um, we are merely adventuring companions,” Darkness said, though she was stammering and blushing still, tapping her pointer fingers together. Sometimes, she could actually manage to be kinda cute. 

“You think she’s out of my League?! I’ll have you know, I’m Axel’s most eligible bachelor!” Kazuma protested. 

Darkness and Chris both gave Kazuma flat looks. Then, Chris withdrew her arms, and stepped out towards the crowd. “Yo, Laina, got a sec?” 

“Huh?” a woman with red hair in pigtails that Kazuma recognized as a fellow Adventurer paused. “Hey, what’s up, Chris? What are you-” Her nose slowly wrinkled as she caught sight of Kazuma. “Ugh, did Kazutrash steal your panties again?”

“What?! No, I just- never mind, you answered my question,” Chris huffed. She turned to glare at Kazuma. “You see?”

“...that could just be her. Maybe she just doesn’t like handsome studs like me,” Kazuma grumbled. 

“Sure, sure.” Chris glanced around as Laina hurried off, then suddenly waved. “Hey, hey Seris, got a sec?”

“Huh?” A tall woman with short brown hair paused in carrying a bit of lumber over one of her shoulders. She was another Adventurer Kazuma saw frequently, though it looked like she was doing day labor instead of hunting monsters today. Money was probably easier. “What’s up, Chris? I’m on the job, don’t have a lot of time.” She glanced at Kazuma and frowned. “Pervzuma bothering you again? We can teach him a lesson, like me and Darkness did his buddy Dust when he was makin’ lewd comments.”

“No! Kazuma has, um, well, he has not been a perfect gentleman…but he has not done anything to me I, um, I did not…anyway, he has behaved,” Darkness hastily said, waving her hands in negation.

Seris shook her head in bemusement. “Some people’s taste in men…I thought you were smarter than that, Darkness.”

“You know what, never mind, I think you answered the question. Thanks, Seris!” Chris said, waving with far too much cheer. 

Seris shrugged and strode off, while Chris turned her beaming smile on Kazuma, who was squatting down and poking at the ground with his finger in shame. “You were saying, Kazuma?”

“Maybe they both just have bad taste…”

“Oh, I think you’ll find that they have much better taste in men than some, even if I do think you’re a better guy than they might give credit. Should I find another lady you’re acquainted with to ask? We could go to the guild and poll the waitresses!” 

“...no…” Kazuma mumbled. He would have continued sulking, but Darkness crouched down beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder. 

“Kazuma, it is not just your, ah, somewhat roguish nature, shall we say, that I find appealing. You are also forthright, earnest, and steadfastly loyal. You are, when the chips are down, the best man to have at my side.”

For some reason, hearing Darkness say that made Kazuma feel about three meters tall. He stood up straight, brushing himself off, nose in the air, and peered down at Chris. “You see? Some women get me.”

“Oh, she has your number alright. Don’t worry, I think the two of you are very cute together. Now, how are we saving the orphanage? I was thinking of starting by robbing all the greedy nobles blind!” 

“Chris,” Darkness groaned, putting her face in her hands. 

“I’m supportive of this plan on the condition that experts should receive a commission on completion of a job,” Kazuma said, folding his arms over his chest. 

“Hmmm, possible, possible,” Chris mused. 

“Chris, do not simply rob all the nobles! Some of them are good people, who merely wish to have a chance to prove their skill!” Darkness pleaded. 

“Duh, that’s why I said we should rob the greedy nobles. Tell you what, Darkness. You can pick the victims. Make sure they really deserve it, you know? Unless…” Chris glanced around, then leaned in, “You see, I’m actually on a mission from god.”

“What, do you have to get the band back together?” Kazuma said with a snort. 

“Chris, you are not a cleric!” Darkness said in frustration. 

“No, it’s true! Pray and ask Lady Eris! She’ll tell you! Cross my heart and hope to cry,” Chris swore, tracing an X shape over her left breast. “No, look. Some of these dirty rotten scoundrels have Divine Treasures. You know, the sort that Kazuma was supposed to get, but uh, well he did get a divine treasure…but…”

Kazuma glanced over to where Aqua was helping the construction crew. She’d gotten out a bucket of paint, and was decorating the wooden booths. Actually, she was doing a really good job of it. Maybe too good a job. A small crowd was already forming to watch her work. Perhaps Kazuma should get her to stop…nah. She’d just cause more headaches for him. At least this would keep her busy. 

“I don’t know that I’d call Aqua a treasure, Chris.”

“She’s, um, well she is very powerful?” Chris offered, blushing slightly. 

“Wait, Kazuma, what is Chris saying?” Darkness said, her brow wrinkling. 

“Uh, later. I’ll explain, I promise.” Or he’d find a way to weasel out of it. Maybe Darkness would just forget about it. “So, Chris, need any help with that thieving?”

“I never thought you’d ask! Since you’re obviously useless in all the tournament categories, I figured we’d have our own little competition! I figured I’d teach you the ways of the Thief.”

“Hey now, I’m decidedly not useless in the tournament categories, unlike some people! I’m actually a pretty damn good shot!” Kazuma said, gesturing to the unstrung bow on his back. 

Chris blinked at him, then looked at Darkness. “Wait, you didn’t tell him?’

She colored, then shrugged slightly. “I…I did mention that those with specific bloodline abilities would be present, and that simple Luck would not be enough to win an archery contest against such, but, ah…he is determined.” 

“Oh. Huh. Well, good Luck to you, Kazuma. I guess we’ll talk later. Do keep an eye on marks for me, OK?” 

“Hold on,” Darkness said, and her hand shot out, wrapping around Chris’ forearms like a steel vice. “What, exactly, do you mean by a ‘mission from the gods.’” 

“I said a Mission From God, which is slightly different.”

“Do not try to distract me, Chris! Explain yourself,” Darkness ordered, her tone firm. 

“Youch! Ease up, ease up! Not all of us are made from adamantium!” Chris complained, and Darkness relaxed her grip slightly. “Ok, look, it’s like this. You know Eris is the Goddess of Fortune, right? Well, that is both Fair Fortune…and Thieves.”

“Chris! That’s Heresy!” Darkness gasped. 

“Ow! Relax, relax! No, it’s not! It’s just not something the main church likes to talk about. But, you see, Eris is tasked by Heaven itself with retrieving the Divine Relics that are scattered over this world. And, she sends a select few of her chosen Thieves out to do just that. I just so happen to be one of them.”

“I…” Darkness glanced at Kazuma. “I find that somewhat unlikely…”

“Then Explain THIS.” Chris produced a shining silver coin from seemingly nowhere, and held it up. Darkness snatched it up, peering at it, and Kazuma stood on his tiptoes to peer over her shoulder, even though she was hunched over Chris still. 

On one side of the coin was a seven-pointed star, inscribed with tiny writing Kazuma couldn’t make out from this angle. On the other was the face of Eris in relief, though one half of her face was shadowed, and the other lit. 

“This…this is a Sacred Relic,” Darkness said slowly, hefting the coin in the palm of her hand. “I can sense the Divine Magic within it. It carries the favor of Lady Eris, similar to a Crusader’s sword, or a Priest’s staff. But I’ve never seen the like before…”

“That’s because it’s one of a kind, bequeathed only to the Chosen Thieves of Lady Eris,” Chris said with a wink and a grin. “Now, can you let my arm go before you rip it out of the socket?”

“Ah, sorry!” Darkness said, and hastily released Chris, who now had a pronounced bruise on her bicep, which she grimaced and rubbed. 

“Sheesh, you really can play rough when you need to, huh? Well, now do you believe me? Come on, Darkness! I’m your best friend, you know I’d never lie to you!” 

“I…” Darkness bit her lip, and looked between Chris and Kazuma, then sighed. “...very well. If any of the nobles are hiding one of Lady Eris’ Divine relics and using them for nefarious purposes…that is indeed something that must be put to a stop, and swiftly.”

“Great! You two go, uh, register, and I’ll scope things out. And Darkness…there ARE nefarious nobles here. Don’t be afraid to do something nice for yourself for once, alright?” 

“Chris…” tears filled Darkness eyes for some reason, and she wrapped Chris in a bear hug.

“ACK! I need to breathe, Darkness!” Chris gasped, but she did return the hug once Darkness stopped crushing her, patting Darkness on the back. “Go get ‘em, girl. And remember, sex before marriage is only wrong if you don’t plan on getting married.”

“CHRIS!” Darkness gasped, but the thief was gone, vanishing between a pair of canvas tents. 

“Huh,” Kazuma said, cocking his head to one side. “That was odd, even for Chris. She usually like this when I’m not around?”

“Uh, she has cracked a bawdy joke from time to time, and she is, um, aware of my… predilections,” Darkness admitted. “But that bit about being a Divine Thief is…new. Though perhaps Lady Eris led her to me initially, as we are both affiliated with her church?”

“Or you’re both just fujoshi with weird fetishes,” Kazuma said with a shrug.

“What is…never mind. I hazard I can decern the meaning from context,” Darkness said, blushing again. “Come. Let us proceed to the task we actually came here for.”

The central tent had a long line of Adventurers waiting at the main entrance, but Darkness ignored it, heading to a smaller but more ornate tent that had several ladies in fancy dresses and knights in shining armor lounging at shaded tables around it. Kazuma immediately recognized that asshole Hahn sitting with the same female knight from before. He sneered at Darkness, while the woman nodded respectfully at her. 

“Here to make a fool of yourself in the joust, Dustiness? We all remember what happened three years ago!” Hahn called to her. 

Darkness gritted her teeth, putting a hand on Kazuma’s shoulder. “Ignore him, Kazuma.”

“But that bastard-”

“Kazuma. He is barely a noble. An unlanded knight from a destitute house. He can get away with ill manners, for he is poorlly bred. I, however, am a ducal heir. Unfortunately, while my family’s favor has waned of late due to my father’s illness I cannot afford to be seen as anything less than a model of my house. And you, as my retainer, must behave with similar decorum. Do you understand me?” 

“Wait, you’re a duke’s daughter?!” Kazuma gasped. “Aren’t they, like, uber nobles or something?”

“...I…yes. My house is one of the most important in the kingdom.”

“Well, I’m not going to stand for his insults! The only one who gets to talk dirty to you is me!” Kazuma huffed. 

“You need not worry, I think,” Darkness said, and nodded to the female knight, who had stood. 

“Sir Hahn! I tolerated your words yesturday, but I have warned you such uncoothness is unbecoming. Good day to you!” the woman stalked over, then bowed to Darkness and Kazuma. “Apologies, Lady Dustiness. Do not think me as ill mannered as that man. Please, may I show you inside? Baron Alderp will be gladdened you have chosen to participate in the tournament.”

“Thank you, Sir Lolierina,” Darkness said with a nod. “Please, take myself and my retainer, Master Sato, to see the Baron.”

“Of course,” the woman said, then hesitated. “And please…just Sir Herrman. Or Rina if you must. I, ah…my parents did not think I would become a knight when they named me such.”

A slow grin spread over Darkness' face as Kazuma barked out a laugh. Lolierina glared at him, but Darkness shook her head. “No, no, I feel much the same way about my own name. I prefer to go by Tina, or Darkness, when I am performing as an Adventurer.”

“Oh! But, I am merely a hedge knight, I would never dream of being so informal with one of your station!” 

“Her Ladyship is pretty chill most of the time, Rina,” Kazuma said with a grin. “Unless you call her by That Name. Then she’s liable to slap your head off.”

“Yes, those hideous sorts of names were rather in fashion 20 years ago, weren’t they,” Darkness said with a shake of her head. “I have long sworn I will never burden my own children with such horrendous appellations.”

“Quite,” Rina said, coloring slightly. She bowed again. “This way, my lady.” 

Inside the tent, there were long tables set with all sorts of exquisite food, from steaming whole hams, to trays of fresh fruits and vegetables, to entire platters of piping hot pastries. There was also an abundance of servants bustling about, and even more nobles in even fancier garb. Darkness actually stood out a bit in her armor, ornate as it was, as everyone else was in long dresses and puffy collars that looked both uncomfortable and impractical. 

Lounging at the highest table in the back was the Fat Bastard himself, Baron Alderp Alexei. His long yellow mustache was stained with grease, as was the napkin he wore about his neck in what even Kazuma knew was a breach of all propriety. Still, his clothes were very fine, and there were a variety of fawning hangers-on about him. Lolierina stepped forward, hand on her sword, and bowed to the baron. 

“My Lord, Lady Dustiness has arrived with the intent of registering for the tournament.” 

“Oh ho? So, my future bride wishes to show her quality for me?” Alderp chortled, which drew laughs and giggles from the court stooges. 

Darkness reddened, but this wasn’t her normal cutesy embarrassed blush. It was the flush of anger. “That contract has not been signed, Baron. Perhaps I am here to see if you are of a quality worthy of House Dustiness. Besides, I thought the contract was for your son, not you.”

Huh? Kazuma shot a look back and forth between Alderp and Darkness, and opened his mouth to say something choice, only for something to kick him in the shin. He was very nearly bowled over, but when he glanced at Darkness, her jaw was set. 

And for once in his life, Kazuma held his tongue. 

“Well, perhaps I’ve changed my mind,” Alderp said with a shrug. “My wife has passed away most tragically, and Walter is adopted, after all. Perhaps I wish for a son of my own blood. And you cannot say that I would be a poor match. I’m the richest man in the kingdom! Which would solve many of your…problems.”

“We shall see,” Darkness said, her tone mild, but her eyes sparkling with outrage. “But yes, I am here to enter myself and my retainer, Kazuma Sato, into the tourney.”

Alderp glanced at Kazuma, then his eyes narrowed. “You would have the very man who destroyed my own home enter my tournament? Crass.”

“He did so by accident, and in doing so, saved your barony and your people from destruction by the Mobile Fortress Destroyer,” Darkness said, her tone growing hot. “But I am not here to relitigate that point. Rather, I intend to show the quality of those who you claim as criminals by showcasing their abilities.” 

“Hmph. Very well. So, I take it you will be in the joust? Or is it the melee for you?” Alderp said with a sneer. 

Darkness hesitated, then shook her head. “No. Both myself and Master Sato will be participating in the Archery contest.”

Kazuma’s head whipped around so fast he got a crick in his neck. The only reason he did cry out in surprise is he was too shocked to speak. Darkness, in the ARCHERY contest!? The woman couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with her SWORD, let alone a bow and arrow!

“Oh really?” Alderp actually looked interested at that. He shrugged. “Well, so be it, though I hadn’t heard that the Dustiness family was famous for its archery abilities.”

There was a stir in the crowd, and several of Alderp’s retainers glanced at him sideways, then took to hushed whispers behind their hands. Alderp noticed and glared around at them. Darkness’ eyebrows had shot up, and her mouth had opened slightly in shock. She quickly shut it, and hastily said, “Well then, perhaps you would care to place a wager on my performance, Lord Alderp?”

Alderp tuned out the mutters, a predatory grin on his face. “Oh ho? Hmm, yes, I think I would. I tell you what, if you can beat my champion at the contest, then I will forgive a debt of your choice. However, if my champion proves superior to you, then you must sign a betrothal contract. Either with me…or with my son. My choice.”

“Appoint two champions. If myself and Kazuma both score better than they, you will forgive the orphanage their debts, as well as the debt surrounding the destruction of your mansion. If one bests Kazuma, then only the orphanage will be saved, and I will consent to marry Walter. But if both of us are beaten, then I will marry you. Pending my father’s approval, of course.”

“Oh, of course,” Alderp said, and he practically salivated as he looked Darkness up and down. 

Kazuma found himself stepping forward, and this time, Darkness did not kick him. 

“Hey, eyes to yourself! That contract ain’t signed yet, and I don’t like the way you’re looking at my lady!” Kazuma snapped. 

Alderp sneered at Kazuma, but shrugged. “Very well! I agree!”

“In the presence of these noble witnesses, I, Lalatina Ford Dustiness, Heir of Ignis Dustiness, do also agree,” Darkness stated. Wow. She must really mean it if she was willing to say her own name.

An old priestess in a tall funny hat and a fancy robe stood, and tapped her staff on the ground. “Witnessed, and affirmed, in the light of Lady Eris.”

The crowd broke into mutters, and Darkness nodded to Alderp, then spun on her heel and marched out. Kazuma hurried after her, waiting until Rina had pushed the tent flap aside for them. 

“Are you crazy!? I can definitely take first place, but you just basically agreed to marry Alderp’s son!” Kazuma hissed at Darkness. 

“I think you will find that it is your performance our success hinges on, Kazuma,” Darkness said with a wry smile. “A point, however. That was the appropriate time to step in and defend my honor, but when you speak to one such as Alderp, even as loathsome as he is, you must do it in the proper way.”

“Well, sorry I wasn’t educated at some fancy pants school!” Kazuma snapped, then paused. “Though, uh, for future reference…maybe you could tell me how I’m supposed to act? You know, so I can properly tell Alderp what a fat ugly goat fucker he is.”

“That is…hmm. Well, there are ways, I suppose, but, um, I am not well versed in them. But perhaps…well, if we win, then it will matter. Otherwise, I will have to marry Walter,” Darkness said with a shudder. 

“Yeah, fate worse than death, that one. I bet he’s a fat ugly bastard just like his dad, probably got pimples everywhere, even shorter than Megumin to boot,” Kazuma said, making a face.

“Uh, Kazuma…That is Walter Alexei there,” Darkness said, and nodded to one of the tables.

Kazuma turned to see a young man with short dark hair, flashing a smile and laughing with a pair of other young noblemen. His clothes were as fine as his father’s, but without the grease and rumples. He turned towards them, and there was practically a bishi sparkle as he glanced in their direction. Seeing Darkness, he stood, and gave her an elegant bow. The fucker was nearly two meters tall!

That?! THAT was what Kazuma was competing against!? Sweet Eris, Darkness might take a dive on purpose just to marry the pretty fucker! He looked like an otome game love interest!

Darkness returned the bow, then turned around and shuddered. “He is not my type. They say he has immaculate matterns, never even a cross word for a servant, is skilled with the sword, and has no vices whatsoever. He has even written me several poems! Ugh, I can’t stand the man. He’s too pretty, not even a ribald joke!”

“...Ok, now I know why you agreed to the archery thing. But come on, Darkness! What’s to stop me taking a dive so you have to marry him! Sheesh, I bet the girls are lining up across the block to flirt with him!” 

Indeed, there were several tables of attractive noblewomen and more than a few serving girls who were making doe eyes at Walter. And even a few of the men, he was just that pretty. Kazuma ground his teeth in frustration. How was he supposed to compete with that?!

“Kazuma, are you even listening to me?” Darkness demanded, and Kazuma turned and glared at her. 

“Oh, I’m listening, Sir Pervness! Well, see if I don’t throw the match and you have to marry Alderp!” 

“Ah. So you are not listening to me. Perhaps Chris was correct in her assessment of my taste in men,” Darkness sighed. “Kazuma…”

“I’m going back to the mansion! My mansion! Maybe I’ll take a bath,” Kazuma grumbled. 

“See that you get in some archery practice, Kazuma. I am counting on you. I would almost rather marry the father and the son. At least Alderp has a lecherous reputation,” Darkness said with a grimace. 

“Yeah whatever,” Kazuma grumbled. He stalked back to the mansion, where he proceeded to absolutely destroy a series of fruits he hung from ropes off a tree. Seriously, what was Darkness even THINKING!?

“Kazuma, Kazuma!” 

“WHAT?!” he snarled, and rounded on Megumin, who didn’t back down at his obvious temper. Yunyun, however, was already wilting. 

“I DEMAND THAT YOU PERFORM AS JUDGE FOR MY CONTEST! THEY SAY I NEED TO FIND A NEUTRAL ARBITER, AND YOU ARE THE BEST JUDGE OF EXPLOSION MAGIC, YOU JERK!” 

Slicking back his sweaty hair, Kazuma frowned at the two Crimson Demons. “Wait, you got the contest approved?”

“Yes! Yunyun has entered the ordinary, boring contest, and I have found a sponsor for my Crimson Concert of Desolation and Destruction!” Megumin declared, striking a dramatic pose. 

Kazuma couldn’t help but feel pity for her. She had the worst case of Chuunibyo he’d ever seen. Even worse than when Kazuma had renamed himself Dark Smoke Puncher and put on eyeshadow when he was 13. 

“Ok, first of all, the hell is with that name? Second, I can’t be a neutral judge. I’m your party member! No one would buy it if I gave you the win and denied everyone else. So you’re going to need an actually experienced archmage that everyone can agree would arbitrate the contest fairly. And also maybe give you some prizes so you actually get sign ups.”

“And where do you think I’m going to find a qualified archmage OR a sponsor on such short notice, O Enlightened One?!” Megumin demanded. 

Kazuma considered, then had a brilliant idea. “Come on, I know just who to talk to.”

The bell chimed as Kazuma opened the door to the shop, and a chipper voice called, “Welcome! We were just about to close, but- Oh! Hello, Kazuma! And Megumin and Yunyun! Oh, let me just get some tea on!”

“Hey Wiz,” Kazuma said, nodding to the busty lich as she scurried from behind the counter to put on a pot of tea. “We were actually here to ask a favor. And maybe do some promotion for your business.”

“What is this, Moi years? The young man who is as inaccurate in his affections as he is with his bow seeks to swindle this establishment?” Vanir demanded, the masked demon wearing his pink frilly apron sidled over, glaring at Kazuma. 

“It’s not you I want, it’s her,” Kazuma said, jerking a thumb at Wiz, who was humming to herself as she bustled about, preparing the tea along with some light snacks. 

“Pah, if you seek to wrench away what meager profits this pathetic fool of a shopkeeper manages to scrounge, Moi will drive you out immediately!” Vanir huffed, waving a broom in Kazuma’s direction. 

“We are in need of a qualified archmage to judge the Crimson Concert of Desolation and Destruction!” Megumin declared, planting her staff and putting on her eyepatch. “As such, we determined that there is but one archmage, aside from yours truly, who is qualified to judge such a contest! None other than the one once known as the Ice Witch, an Archmage who has herself mastered the art of Explosion Magic, Miss Wiz!” 

“Oh my, you really think I’m qualified to judge a contest?” Wiz asked, shaking out a tablecloth and smiling demurely. 

“Now listen here, Moi already must corral this foolish woman who turns money to sand often enough, this distraction is unneeded!” Vanir growled. 

“But she’s the only archmage in town qualified, and everyone knows Wiz is neutral!” Megumin argued. 

“Well, perhaps if you were to pay a slight fee for her services, Moi could be persuaded,” Vanir purred. 

“Vanir! It’s to help some friends! Besides, wouldn’t it be fun to see all the mages in town use their best spells?” Wiz asked. 

“Well, you see, it wouldn’t just be locals. And, you know, the real reason this shop struggles isn’t for lack of products-”

“Rather the lacking products,” Vanir muttered, but Kazuma ignored him. 

“-but because it’s a high level item shop in a low level town. But with the Tourney here, we’ve got a lot of nobles who aren’t locals. That means there actually ARE high level nobles and adventurers here who COULD buy all your magic items. And at a huge mark up. If Wiz’s Item Shoppe sponsors the, uh, Crimson Concert of Desolation and Destruction, say that five times fast, it would be a chance for free advertising. As for prizes, you could offer some of your stock that has been sitting around and gathering dust. That way, you move your product, and you attract more customers!”

“Oh, that sounds like a lovely idea! I’ve got a Crossbow of Whispers I’ve never been able to sell that will make a wonderful prize!” Wiz said with delight as she seated Yunyun and Megumin and poured them tea. 

Kazuma raised an eye at Vanir, who groaned. 

“Tis a crossbow that is enchanted so that if one tells it a message, any quarrel it fires will whisper that message to the recipient…once it has embedded itself in their flesh.”

“I’ve also got a Scroll of Cure Blindness!” Wiz said, pulling out a roll of parchment. 

“Let me guess: Cures Blindness when read?” Kazuma asked, and Vanir nodded, rubbing the bridge of his mask’s nose. “Super. Those sound great, Wiz.”

“I also have a Great Sword of Empathy!” Wiz babbled on, pulling out an ornate but dust covered blade. Its hilt was shaped like a heart, with a little smiley face engraved in it. “Whenever you strike your foe with this sword, it hits you just as hard!” 

Kazuma paused, then said, “Uh, actually, I’ll take that one. How much?”

Vanir opened his mouth, but Wiz interrupted him with, “It’s on sale for only 10,000 eris!” 

“Confound it, woman! He would have paid at least ten times that!” Vanri snarled as Kazuma eagerly handed over the money. 

“Vanir, we shouldn’t swindle friends! Now how about this Mantle of Awe?” Wiz said, holding up an incredibly tacky gold cloth mantle with very loud crimson embroidery around the edge. 

“And what’s that do?” Kazuma asked.

“Whenever you walk through a doorway, it summons a flock of doves, a fanfare plays, and a chorus sings! See?” Wiz flung the cloak about herself and hurried through the door to the back. Sure enough, trumpets blared, doves appeared out of nowhere, and a chorus sang a high note. 

“Yes, now come back,” Vanir said, folding his arms over his chest. “With the mantle.”

“Oh, um…” Meekly, Wiz tiptoed back into the main room, only for the exact same flock of doves to burst forth, the same trumpets sound, and the chorus to hit the exact same note. 

“My gods,” Megumin whispered. 

“It’s so tacky,” Yunyun groaned. 

“It’s BEAUTIFUL! THAT MUST BE FIRST PLACE PRIZE!” Megumin declared, jumping up on her chair and rattling the teacups so hard that hot liquid sloshed on her foot. She gave out a help and nearly fell, only for Yunyun to cry, “Feather fall!” 

Then Megumin still fell, but much more gracefully. 

“Fine, take the rubbish! But Moi demands that you secure a stand for this shop to peddle its wares to the new customer base, and clearly indicate that it has sponsored your little farce!” Vanir snapped. 

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” Kazuma said. “But can you wrap this? It’s, uh, a gift.”

“Oh ho?” Vanir siddled forward, a malicious gleam in his eyes. “So, the young man seeks to woo the perverse young maiden? Well, for a small fee, moi can-”

“Gift wrapping is provided free of charge,” Wiz declared, shooting a glare at Vanir before taking the greatsword, and quickly wrapping it in a bright package. 

“Confound it, woman! Every time profit appears before you, you find a way to merrily dismiss it!” Vanir said, shaking his fist. 

“Hey, you at least sold one item today,” Kazuma told him.

“Hmph. Well, if you ever find yourself in need of funds, young man, Moi would be interested in more of those items from another world. Those kotatsus were rather popular this past winter.”

“I’ll think about it,” Kazuma promised, then glanced at Megumin and Yunyun, who were having their little tea party with Wiz. “We all good here?”

“Yes, your idea had merit, Kazuma! My Crimson Concert of Desolation and Destruction will surely be a success now!” 

“Um, t-thank you, Kazuma.”

“Super. See you girls later. Don’t get caught by the guards,” Kazuma said, and headed out. But not back home. First he stopped by the bakery, picking up all their day-olds, which netted him enough bread to fill a large sack. With that and the wrapped sword on his back, he whistled to himself as he headed off to the orphanage. 

He was just to the fork in the road before the church when he heard the clopping of iron shod hooves. Growling, Kazuma stepped off the road. If it was that fucker Hahn again…

Indeed, a knight on a massive warhorse rounded the bend, coming out from behind some trees. In the twilight, Kazuma couldn’t be certain who it was at first, so he turned on his dark vision. “Wait, Darkness?”

“Kazuma? What are you doing here?” Darkness asked, pulling up on the reigns. She had on a pair of trousers, which Kazuma hadn’t seen her in before, along with that same odd chest piece, though she also had on a cloak with the hood pulled back. 

“Nothing. What are you doing here?” Kazuma said, trying to hide the sack and sword behind his back.

A slow smile spread over Darkness’ face, and she chuckled, shaking her head. “Worried about the orphans?”

“No. This package isn’t even for them!” Kazuma protested. 

“And the large sack?” 

“...well I’m mostly not worried because I already got them all the bread.”

“That will go well with the two wheels of cheeses I am bringing. I had Ivy and Holly clear out the pantry. We will not be entertaining a large party at the manor in the near future. Then I bundled them off to tend to my father. One way or another…things will be changing.”

That made Kazuma think of the pretty boy again, and left a sour taste in his mouth. “You know, I never asked what I got if I beat you.”

A look of amusement came over Darkness, and she actually giggled. “Kazuma, if you score more highly than I in the archery contest, I will fulfill any desire you wish.”

“Oh yeah? Even dressing up like a maid?” Kazuma said, his mind already racing. 

“Even…even that,” Darkness said, blushing prettily, and Kazuma grinned predatorily. “However…”

Oh, there it was…

“...if I beat you, you must accede to a desire of mine, Kazuma.”

“Giving you spankings and calling you a bad girl?” Kazuma said before he could stop himself. 

“T-that is not, um, n-no. You will attend etiquette lessons. And apply yourself to them.”

Etiquette lessons?! “Fine! But there’s no chance I lose to you. Heck, you’re gonna have to perform a freaking miracle, and I’ll have to win the whole damn contest for you not to marry Walter?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Kazuma. If you perform well, I shall not be saddled with that…man. Nor put up with his odious little father. I might wish for a rash and rude husband, but even I find Alderp too distasteful. For one thing, he shirks his duties and shows none of the noble generosity that is to characterize a lord’s relationship with his vassals.”

“You’ve got a lot of faith in me winning this contest for some reason. And that you won’t just miss the target entirely,” Kazuma said, his eyes narrowed. 

“This is…not the time to discuss this. Come, let us deliver supper to the orphans. Here, you can ride with me,” Darkness said, urging her mout forward and extending a hand to Kazuma. 

He took it, and she pulled him up into the saddle, and they rode in silence towards the orphanage, Kazuma behind Darkness. 

Though he did squeeze her boobs. She didn’t comment, only shivered and moaned a little. 

Sister Maria and the tykes were enthused to receive a back of half stale bread and two large wheels of cheese, but Darkness indicated they could not spend the night. “We have much to do ere the morrow comes. For this, both Kazuma and I require rest.”

“Don’t fret about it, Lady Dustiness. And thank you, Master Sato. Lady Eris smile upon you both,” the elderly nun said. 

They bid the orphans farewell, with Kazuma once more climbing up behind Darkness and molesting her slightly. 

“K-kazuma! Not where Sister Maria and the children can see!” she hissed at him as they rode off.

“What? Our backs are to them, and it’s dark. They can’t see nothin,” he said, giving another squeeze. 

“Y-you uncouth man. Are you so eager to convince me to spurn my house’s salvation?” Darkness gasped. 

Kazuma paused, his hand dropping. “What?”

“N-never mind. I…I am committed now,” Darkness said firmly. 

“Uh, if you say so. Hey, where are we going, anyway?”

“I, um, I was going back to your mansion…?”

“That’s fine, but only if you’re spending the night.”

“Kazuma…tonight…we need rest. A-and there is no one else at the manor, now.”

“Well, you know Aqua and Megumin will be at my mansion, so we’ll at least sort of be supervised. Though I don’t think those two really count.”

“Ah, no, no they do not. But very well. I have my gear in my saddlebag.”

Kazuma looked down and spotted what looked like a giant metal pole tied to the horse. It looked to be like 3 meters long, along with a saddlebag that seemed to contain clothes. “I thought you weren’t jousting.”

“You will see,” Darkness told him. Then she picked up his hand and put it back on her boob. “C-continue.”

She was quivering and moaning by the time they got to the mansion, and Kazuma was so stiff he was practically stabbing her in the back. But she hopped off the horse when they arrived, then held a hand up to him. 

Grumbling, he accepted it, as the horse was a giant cold-blood who was taller at the withers than Kazuma was. He landed in Darkness arms, clutching the wrapped package, and both of them blushed. 

“You know, this isn’t the sort of bridal carry I imagined,” Kazuma mumbled.

Darkness blushed, then gently lowered Kazuma. “Nor I, to be honest. Things do change….by the by, what is that thing you’ve been carrying?”

“Oh, uh, it’s a surprise. If you manage to beat one of Alderp’s champions, then you can have it.”

“Oh! Um, i-it is not too embarrassing, is it?” Darkness asked, peering at the package. 

“For you? Definitely. But you’ll love it anyway.” On impulse, he grabbed Darkness by the hair, making her squawk, and pulled her down before kissing her firmly on the lips. She once more stuck her tongue in his mouth, and they played hockey for a few minutes.

“Kazuma! There you are! Come on, my boss gave me extra bubbly for working so hard today, and I made a big pot of tuna-mayo-rice!” 

Kazuma and Darkness instantly broke apart, flushing in embarrassment, though Kazuma felt more than a little irritated at Aqua for killing the mood. “Gee, thanks! You ran off all day instead of helping Megumin!” 

Aqua shrugged. “That sounded boring. Blowing things up isn’t as much fun as making them!” Then she suddenly winked. “And make sure you two don’t use protection! It’s more fun that way, and I want cute babies to watch over when I go back to heaven!” 

Both Kazuma and Darkness went even redder at that, jaws hanging open as Aqua hummed to herself and skipped off.

“Kazuma…we need to discuss…ah, yours and Aqua’s history,” Darkness said into the silence. 

“Later. After you tell me what’s up with your family. After the tournament,” Kazuma sighed. “Come on, dinner and bed, I guess. I’m gonna have to bring my A game so you don’t end up with your handsome husbando.”

“And what if I think I already have?” Darkness asked, then kissed his cheek. 

Kazuma froze stiff, with Darkness striding up the stairs to the mansion. “Aqua! I shall have some bubbly, but only one glass, and dinner sounds excellent. Ah, Yunyun, Megumin, joining us as well? Come, Kazuma, we do not want to keep our companions waiting at table for us.”

Women, Kazuma decided, drove him crazy. 

The Second Archon War: Sapientia Oromasdis 22

Sapientia Oromasdis 22: The Fruit of Reason's Culmination

On the evening of January 21st, 2005 by the Gregorian Calendar, or the 8th day of Dhul Hijjah 1425 in the Islamic calendar, the Saeed Family arrived in Saudi Arabia. This was an event of no small significance, with widespread news coverage. For, upon this year, the Hopebringer was to take the Hajj. 

“She cannot come here!” an elder Imam declared, pointing at Farasha, who was dressed in a very conservative black robe, though it did look like she was smuggling a football under it thanks to the lateness of her pregnancy. “And especially not her!” he pointed his finger at Tessa, who stiffened. 

“They are both good muslims! I vouch for them!” Imam Tahir said, putting himself between the angry Imam’s and Nahida’s family. 

“They are abominations! Demons!” the Imam shouted, spittle flying from his lips, his face red with anger. 

“She is my wife,” Bashir said from his wheelchair, taking Farasha’s hand. “You make no argument that I may not come, I note.”

“I protest!” another Imam shouted, pointing at Bashir. “That man has a serpent! He is unclean!” 

“I told you, it is required for his health! There is provision for those who require medicine!” Tahir argued. “You cannot tell me that Bashir Saeed is not a good Muslim! He is a man of God!” 

“Pah! He is married to a monster, and his supposed daughters are-” an Imam began, but the others hushed him. 

“Abdul, we have spoken of this. Nahida Saeed is a Righteous Djinn. We permitted her to take the Hajj,” one of the others said firmly. 

“Thank you,” Nahida said, stepping forward. She was dressed conservatively herself, though as usual, her feet were bare. “But it is vital that all of my family accompany me on the Hajj. Including Tessa.”

“And why is that?” one of the scowling Imam’s demanded. 

“Because. The Simurgh comes,” Nahida said simply. 

The Imams sucked in a breath, their eyes going wide. One, Abdul, the Imam who had protested Nahida’s presence, scowled and stepped forward. “You threaten us? Threaten the Holy City itself?”

“No,” Nahida shook her head. “The Simurgh will arrive here with or without my presence. But you know what has happened to cities I did not defend from her. I would not have that happen here.”

There was more arguing and muttering. One Imam pointed out, “It has been three months since the last attack. And we have long known that Mecca is a likely target for the Endbringers. To strike during the Hajj…it is sacrilege.”

“Allah would not allow it!” Abdul protested. 

“No,” Nahida agreed, causing the Imam’s to look at her again. “That is why He sent me.”

“You blaspheme!” Abdul snarled, but the others pushed him away, clamping arms down on his shoulders to prevent him from surging forward to attack the Dendro Archon. 

“You claim to be sent by Allah?” one of the elderly Imam’s asked Nahida. “You claim equal status with the Prophet Muhammad himself?”

“No. I make no claims as a prophet,” Nahida said with a shake of her head. “Only as a defender of the righteous.” 

That got plenty of angry mutters, but Nahida knew it wouldn’t amount to much in the end. Much as she was loathe to do it, this was too important to leave to chance. She was mildly networking the Imams, and promoting feelings of understanding, empathy, and openness. As Imam Abdul was showing, that didn’t mean that the Imam’s were forced to look at things her way, but they were much more open to the suggestions than they normally would be. 

“If the Simurgh does come, we will need her,” Tahir said. “Even if she did not, Nahida is a good Muslim. She gives testimony of Shahadah! She prays five times daily, and comes to mosque regularly. None can contest her charity, for she has given the people of the world more in her time here than any other. She fasts during Ramadan, and now she comes to complete the Hajj.”

“She is a child,” one of the Imam’s pointed out. 

“Physically, I do appear child-like. However, in truth, I am over 506 years old now,” Nahida explained. “Most of that time was spent imprisoned in the Sanctuary of Surasthana, but I have still lived many mortal lives. Djinn is one name for what I am, but in truth, I am closest biologically to a tree. More specifically, the Tree of Life.”

“You claim to be the Tree of Immortality?” an Imam asked,  his brow furrowing. 

“I am. If one were to eat of the fruit of my branches, one would gain Forbidden Knowledge, and be cursed. This is why I choose to walk amongst men in this form. I am not the original tree of life, that tree was cut down. I am merely a branch that is yet growing,” Nahida stated. 

“This is all immaterial. If the Simurgh is coming, she must be allowed into the city. There are millions here, and if the Holy City of Mecca itself is destroyed by the Endbringers, then we are truly doomed. If Allah has sent her, then so be it. Let her complete it as a child. Her father is here, and Doctor Bashir is known to be a man of faith,” one of the Imam’s declared. He bowed to Nahida. “May Allah accept your Hajj, Nahida Saeed.”

“Labbayka Allahumma Labbayk,” Nahida replied, bowing her head. I submit, and submit again. The traditional response of a pilgrim on their Hajj. 

After that, there was no fuss over either Tessa or Farasha, which was well in Nahida’s opinion. Tessa was of the opinion that if Nahida believed Allah was real and Muhhamad was his Prophet, then Nahida was absolutely right. On the other hand, Farasha seemed to believe the entire thing silly, but she was willing to humor her husband and daughter. 

As for Qiqi, she was a child, and always would be. As such, her father’s profession of faith was enough, though Qiqi did her best to say her prayers and be faithful, and Nahida thought that was what truly mattered. 

The next step was the donning of the Ihram garments, along with ritual purification and more prayers and charges. Nahida completed them all with faith and steadfastness, listening for the voice of Allah. She felt…something. Sensed a power, a presence, just out of reach. Was it the gaze of Allah? The faith and will of the collected millions of pilgrims? The gathering of elemental energy in this holy place? Nahida wasn’t certain. Perhaps this was what it meant to truly have faith. 

“My feet are killing me,” Farasha complained that night, while Tessa helped her get her shoes off her swollen feet, then healed them with Dendro. 

“You could have stayed home. Pregnant women are generally expected to stay home during the Hajj, especially those as far along as you,” Tessa pointed out.

Farasha’s nostrils flared. “And let my baby girl fight the Simurgh all on her own? Fat chance of that.”

“I told you, this won’t be much of a fight,” Nahida said quietly. “She’s already defeated. She just doesn’t know it yet. Ziz isn’t the Simurgh anymore.”

“She’s still a fu-freaking Endbringer, Nahida,” Farasha pointed out. 

“Yes, but you promised not to transform while pregnant,” Nahida chided.

“Papillio and I have been talking about that. There’s a way for me to do so and keep Saleem safe,” Farasha said, putting a hand to her abdomen. “Oof. Little guy must be excited. He keeps kicking.”

“Do not risk it. Only if I actually enter battle should you attempt any intervention. But that will not happen,” Nahida promised. 

“What are the over-under odds?” Farasha demanded, pulling Qiqi close so she could feel the baby move. 

“The odds that Ziz actually engages in anything besides perfunctory demonstrations are less than 1.78%,” Nahida said. “Meaning there is a 97.22% chance that the same thing happens here that did in Baghdad and New Delhi, at least from all outward appearances. Plus, Tessa will be with me.”

“And I swear I won’t let a single thing happen to Nahida. I won’t fail again,” Tessa vowed. 

“Hey, you didn’t fail. Nobody died at that conference, and the Tsaritsa retreated,” Farasha pointed out. “Win in my book.”

“It was a victory only for the King of Demons,” Nahida said with a shake of her head. “Now, get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow.”

Nahida herself didn’t sleep, instead gazing up at the fabric of their tent roof. Her eyes tracked where the Simurgh was orbiting, directly over Mecca. The word had already spread that the Simurgh was planning to attack during the Hajj. Several international cape teams with Muslim members had already arrived, though Nahida had also spread the word that she herself was to deal with the Simurgh alone, and others should attack only if she failed. So far, no one had protested that plan, largely because of her twice success, and the fact that in her three other attacks, the Simurgh had slaughtered capes by the score. 

You have a long road ahead of you, Ziz. But the third time shall pay for all, Nahida thought, smiling faintly. 

Early the next morning, Nahida and millions of other pilgrims journeyed to Arafat, where various Imans and scholars would give a sermon from noon until sunset. Usually, pilgrims were required to stand the entire time, but her father and mother were exempted. Bashir for his status as an invalid, Farasha due to her late term pregnancy. Qiqi ended up falling asleep in Bashir’s lap, her ice keeping the air around them cool and pleasant. Tessa and Nahida both stood for the entire six hours. Many noticed and remarked on it, though both of them were dressed in plain white dresses with veils and shawls. 

There she is, the Hopebringer and her Dragon!

Allah has sent them to protect us in this hour. 

She is the Righteous Djinn, she even observes the Hajj, though she is but a child. 

There were a few less complimentary mutters that Nahida cataloged as well, but it was gratifying to hear how few in number they were. However, there was one voice of complaint that made her smile.

“Aranarakin does not like sand,” the little forest spirit complained from atop Nahida’s head. “It is rough, and it is coarse, and it gets everywhere.”

“We’ll make this desert bloom one day soon, my friend,” Nahida whispered. “For now, this is how things must be. Endure it but a little longer, and Arafat will be rich with vineyards and groves, while pilgrims feast upon their bounty.”

“Aranarakin wishes that were today, but Aranarakin trusts Sarva-Nara,” the forest fairy sighed. 

That night they slept upon the open stony ground, though many people did not. The Simurgh had descended lower, and she was glowing a bright aquamarine. It was an ominous portent, and Nahida had to hide a smile. 

You will be quite the dramatic one, won’t you, Ziz? 

The next day, Nahida arose and gathered seven pebbles with the rest of her family. They would use them in the ritual of the Stoning of the Devil, but not in the traditional way. 

“Nahida, why do you not throw your stones at the pillar?” her father asked when they reached the Jamrat al-Aqabah.

“The devil will come to me herself this day,” Nahida said, holding out her stones. “I must save them to stone her, so that she might be cast down.”

Those that overheard Nahida’s words cried out, and rumors quickly spread. Everyone was on high alert, casting nervous glances at the ominous green star that was descending ever lower. 

Finally, precisely at Noon when it was time for Zuhr prayer and the Adahn was called from the minarets, the Endbringer Alarms began to sound. The Simurgh had begun her attack run. 

There were gasps, and all turned to look at Nahida. She calmly laid out her mat, and bowed her head, reciting the five rak’a and bowing faithfully. When she finished, she closed her eyes, and said a special prayer, just for her. 

Allah…please. I don’t know why you sent me here. But I know what I must do now. Please, let me save these people. But especially, let me save Ziz. I have Wisdom, but give me courage as well. For I fear what will happen should I fail. For once…let me be a good Archon. 

Then she stood, and lifted off into the air, zipping away towards the Kabaa. 

Floating up in the stillness of space, Ziz realized something. 

She missed the wind. She missed feeling it blow through her feathers and hair, she missed the caress of it on her cheeks, and she missed the scent of it. 

One more battle. One more battle, and I’ll put to rest to that pest Buer permanently. I’ll be truly free. 

Ziz tried to grin predatorily, but it felt forced. For one thing, this body hadn’t really been designed with a good wicked smile in mind. For another…Ziz wasn’t so sure she could beat Nahida. Sure, she had learned a great deal about how to wield Anemo, and she had some tricks that should break her out of that stupid dream loop. 

But most of all, Ziz wasn’t sure she wanted to beat Nahida. Despite everything, especially how weak, pathetic, and stupid the humans were…they were interesting. Fun. Especially when Ziz messed with them. And the gratitude they showed her when she freed them from the parasite she herself had implanted…it felt…good. That wasn’t how it was supposed to work. 

Carefully, slowly, Ziz began her descent. There would be no attempts at deception or ambush this time. She knew full well what she was walking into. She’d been carefully tracking Nahida’s position for weeks, and the Dendro Archon was definitely close to Mecca. She’d very publicly announced she’d be performing the Hajj weeks ago. 

Guess in a way, I’m performing a pilgrimage too. That was stupid. Moronic, even. Religion was a hoax, a farce. A lie that humans had made up to justify atrocities. 

Is it? You know full well you’ve seen the power of a god. Power not even the Shard Network can match. What is that but a god? 

“Shut up,” Ziz growled to herself now that she was low enough for there to be a bit of air around. “You’re the mother fucking Simurgh. You’re the Hopekiller. You’re THE Endbringer, no matter what Behemoth or the Twins might think. You will burn this fucking city to the ground and leave Nahida’s corpse for the crows.”

Right. Of course. She definitely would this time. 

At exactly the agreed-upon time, Ziz swooped down on the very heart of Mecca. The Kabaa, the holiest place in Islam. She hovered above it, looking around impatiently. If Nahida didn’t hurry up and show, she’d start her song and send these panicked and cowering humans into a murderous-

Ziz paused. The humans were not panicking. Nor were they cowering. They were praying. Mostly to Allah, but also to…no. It couldn’t be. 

This is a trap. They’re praying to Nahida! I can feel the faith, feel the power they’re funneling to her! This is doomed! 

Panic filled Ziz’s heart, and she very nearly fled right then and there. But no. No more fleeing. She would face this battle. There was no backing out of this one. Not this time. One of them wasn’t leaving this place whole. 

A few minutes later, a green spark arose, then zipped towards the Simurgh, who turned towards it, desperately trying to calm herself. 

BUER, she shrieked when Nahida arrived. LOOK UPON THIS PLACE WELL. HERE YOU SHALL FALL, IN FRONT OF YOUR SUPPOSED HOLY RELICS. HERE, HOPE SHALL DIE.

That is not the fate that Allah the Merciful and Benevolent has decreed for his children, Nahida declared, glowing green script wrapping about her like a great halo. Hello, Caelestis Cantor. We meet again. But this time, you are no Outlander. Have you not seen? Today’s fate was written in the stars long ago. Now. Let us Dance the Dance of Samsara for a Third Time. 

Caelestis Cantor? The Celestial Singer? That name…that name felt…right. It was who she was. What her Vision demanded she be. 

YES. I WILL SING YOU A SONG, BUER. A SONG THAT WILL MAKE THE WORLD WEEP. 

The green script wrapped about Ziz, and she closed her eyes. Yes. One final dance. One last song. Then, she would be truly free. 

Sleep. Dream. 

Ziz stared out the bus window as her stomach rumbled, hugging her backpack and empty lunchbox to her chest. Her dad was gone again, but the refrigerator was empty. Her brothers had taken all the food. She just hoped he would be back soon. She really missed him. 

She winced. Brother. Levi was dead, but Titan had come home just to clean out the fridge. 

She sniffled, curling her legs up below her and longing desperately for food. 

“Hello. My name is Tessa. Are you in First Grade too?” 

Ziz looked up to see a young girl with brown hair and her hair in pigtails standing by her seat, carrying a Kim Possible backpack. She had a funny accent, but she looked nice. 

“Um, yes,” Ziz said, nodding her head. “Are you a new student?”

“Yeah,” Tessa said. “Can I sit with you? The other seats all have big kids.”

“Sure,” Ziz agreed, moving her legs so that Tessa could hop up on the seat next to her. “I like your backpack.” Ziz lifted up her own backpack, which had Shego on it. 

“You like Kim Possible too?!” Tessa gasped in excitement, and the two of them spent the rest of the bus ride chattering about their favorite episodes and how mean and dumb Bonnie was. 

When they got to school, Ziz and Tessa were some of the first off the bus, and they even held hands as Tessa was nervous and didn’t know where to go. Ziz didn’t know where to go either since she was new too, but she wasn’t telling Tessa that. 

“Ah good morning, students. You seem to be new here at our school. Do you know where to go?”

Ziz and Tessa looked up, and up, and up, to the scary face of a tall man with amber eyes, and cup of something hot in his hands. They both silently shook their heads. 

“I see.” The man knelt on one leg and smiled at them. He still looked very scary, but he seemed nice. “I am Mr. Morax, the Principal here at Teyvan Elementary. What are your names?”

“Um, I’m Elizabeth Ward, but everyone calls me Ziz,” Ziz explained. 

“I’m Theresa Richter. I’m six. She is too,” Tessa said.

“Well, you must be in Mrs. Rukkhadevata’s class then. However, I think I’ve seen your names cross my desk. Are you both hungry?” Morax asked. 

Both girls nodded, blushing slightly. Ziz knew she hadn’t had breakfast, but she’d sort of forgotten about that since she had a friend now. 

“Well, no student is allowed to attend Teyvan Elementary while they are hungry. Young Miss Buer, will you please show our new students where the cafeteria is?” Mr. Morax asked. 

“Yes, Mr. Morax.” 

Ziz turned to see a big kid. She was probably in the 3rd or 4th grade, so she was quite a bit taller than Ziz, with green eyes and platinum blonde hair. She smiled at Ziz and Tessa. “Hello, I’m Nahida. Come on, I was just going to get breakfast myself.”

The cafeteria wasn’t very far, and Nahida showed Ziz and Tessa how to go through the lunch line. “Usually, you’ll need your student ID, it's’ a little card on a lanyard. But we haven’t gotten them yet because it’s the first day of school still. So for today, you just tell Mr. Gouba your names and he puts them in the computer.”

Mr. Gouba was a big, fat man with a fuzzy orange beard and a bigger smile, who wore an apron and one of those funny chef’s hats. He gave the girls trays with milk, fruit, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns for breakfast. “Welcome to our school! Anytime you’re hungry, you just come down here! Students eat for free at Teyvan Elementary, breakfast and lunch!” 

“Thank you,” Ziz said quietly, sniffling slightly and trying to hide her tears. Now, she wouldn’t be hungry, even if Titan took all the food and her dad forgot to buy more or was gone.

Nahida chatted with Ziz and Tessa, as it turned out she was a big fan of Kim Possible too. She even had a book about Kim Possible she’d checked out from the school library!

“If you work hard, you can learn to read the words in it too, and you can borrow it. It’s a chapter book, so you have to know a lot of words,” Nahida explained. There were some pictures in it, but Ziz could read most of the words. She loved reading, and she’d always been at the top of her class in Kindergarten. She’d be able to get the Kim Possible book soon.

When they were done eating, Nahida offered to take Ziz and Tessa to class. “I was in Mrs. Rukkhadevata’s class when I was in First Grade too. She’s my aunt,” Nahida explained. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Nahida showed the way, and Ziz and Tessa soon found themselves in the classroom. It was a big room, with lots of small tables that were just the right height for a first-grader. The room was themed like a garden, with the walls painted green and grown, and there were paper flowers growing on the walls with places for the student’s names. There was a carpet for circle time, and a place for Ziz to put her backpack and empty lunch box with her name on it. 

“Good morning, Nahida! Thank you so much for bringing my two new friends today!” a grown up who had hair and eyes like Nahida’s said. She knelt down and smiled at Ziz and Tessa. “Do you want a hug, high five, or fist bump today?”

“Hug,” Ziz said instantly. Her dad didn’t like to give hugs, and she’d never known her mom. A hug sounded really nice. 

Mrs. Rukkhadevata gave very nice hugs, then took Nahida over to a table where several other children were working and had her make a name tag. “Do you know how to write your name, or do you want me to put it on this whiteboard for you?”

“I can write my own name,” Ziz said proudly, and wrote “Elizabeth Ward” on the name tag, then added, “Ziz,” since that was what she wanted people to call her. 

“Ziz? That’s a dumb name,” a girl with long dark hair said, and laughed at Ziz. 

“Farasha, that’s not how we speak to our friends at school,” Mrs. Rukkhadevata said in a lecturing tone. 

“Yeah, Farasha, stop being so mean!” a girl with light red hair said. Her name tag said “Yae Miko.” 

There were other students in the class: Kenta was big for his age, but he seemed nice, if very loud. There was also Chiyo, who said she loved to go swimming, and a quiet boy named Dvalin who liked to fly kites. 

Lunch was spaghetti with meatballs, and Ziz got a chocolate milk to go with it. She was very worried she had no money, at her old school you had to have money to get lunch, but Mr. Gouba reassured her that lunch was free, so she felt much better. 

After lunch, they had Music class with Mr. Barbatos, who was very funny and made Ziz laugh with his jokes and silly songs. When school was over, Ziz and Tessa walked back to the bus with their class, and Mrs. Rukkhadevata gave them their bus cards so the bus driver would know where they lived. 

“Bye, Ziz!” Tessa called when she got off the bus. “See you tomorrow!” 

“Bye!” Ziz said, waving and feeling sad. She had a friend now, but she knew what was waiting for her at home. 

Like most days, Ziz’s house was empty when she got there. The last note she’d gotten from her dad said he was at work and would be back soon. He had a Very Important Job, as a policeman, but that meant he wasn’t home a lot. So, Ziz took out the apple she’d gotten for lunch and saved and ate it for dinner. She did her homework by herself at the kitchen table, then went and watched TV until it was time for bed.

In the morning, she woke up extra early to make sure she wouldn’t miss the bus. She didn’t, and she got to sit next to Tessa again, who was very certainly her new best friend. 

And that’s how Ziz’s days went. She met the Drama Teacher, Miss Focalors, who was a lot of fun, and told Ziz she would be a wonderful actor. Ziz even got a role in the class play! She was going to be the lead actress! Then there was Ms. Haborym PE teacher, and Ms. Beezelbul the shop teacher. They were both very strict, but their classes were still fun. Whenever she had a problem, Ziz could go to a teacher or the Principal Mr. Morax, and they would help her. 

That wasn’t what it was like at home. When her dad was home, it was good, but scary. If he was mad, he would hit Tessa and send her to her room, telling her she wasn’t worthy. He would fight with Titan when Titan was around, even though he was a grownup now. Titan scared Ziz, especially with the people he hung out with. They were loud and had guns. Her dad said they were in a gang, and should be put in jail. 

One night was especially bad. Her dad had come home before Ziz this time, and had been sleeping, so she’d tried to be very quiet. However, there was food in the fridge, some leftover pizza. So Ziz had taken it out to eat for her dinner without using the microwave, because that might make noise. Ziz had thought about hiding, but that never worked, so instead, she hurried up and tried to finish the pizza. 

Then she had heard loud music and the squeal of tires.

“Hey, bitch, where’s the old man?” Titan had demanded as soon as he slammed open the door.

“H-he’s sleeping,” Ziz stammered as Titan came over and grabbed her food. He was big, with tattoos now, and he wore his pants all saggy so you could see his underwear. She could also see a gun. That would make dad mad. 

Titan shoved Ziz away, stuffing the pizza in his mouth, but she didn’t make noise, because if you made noise, daddy would be mad. But it was too late. 

Another door crashed open. “Is it too much to ask for some goddamn peace and quiet around here!?” 

Daddy stalked in. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he was wearing only his shirt and his underwear. He glared at Titan, who glared right back at him. “You young punk, why are you back here!?”

“Fuck you old man. You’d better pay up, I’m late on the rent again!” 

“You’re not my fucking problem anymore!” 

“Fuck off, I know my mother left me something and you fucking stole it!” 

They started yelling and screaming, so Ziz tried to sneak past. She tripped, accidentally dropping her plate on the floor, and it shattered. 

“You worthless kid! I don’t know why I keep you around!” her dad shouted. Ziz got up and tried to pick up the pieces, but he hit her and she fell back down, her face burning with pain.

“Go to your fucking room!”

“Hey, don’t you fucking touch my sister!” Titan screamed, and hit her dad. 

Terrified, Ziz ran away as her dad and brother started fighting with their fists and not just their words. What should she do? She couldn’t call the police. Her dad was a police. They wouldn’t arrest him. 

So, she called the person who she knew could keep her safe, taking the phone from its receiver and hiding in her closet. 

“Teyvan Elementary, Principal Morax speaking.”

“Mr. Morax, I’m scared. Can I come back to school?” Ziz whispered. 

There was a pause, then a click, and then Mr. Morax asked, “Ziz? Where are you?”

“I’m at home,” she whispered, wincing as an especially loud thud and stream of swear words sounded. “They’re fighting and they have guns.”

“Ziz. I need you to call the police right away,” Mr. Morax said firmly. 

“I can’t. Daddy’s a police, but he hit me and now he’s hitting my brother,” Ziz said, tears in her eyes. 

“I see. Ziz, I want you to stay on the phone. Are you safe right now?”

“I’m in the closet,” she whispered. 

“Alright. That’s good. Mr. Gouba is going to be on the phone right now to talk to you. I’ll be right there.”

Ziz nodded, until she heard Mr. Gouba’s voice. “Ziz? Are you OK?”

“Yes,” she said, remembering people couldn’t hear you if you nodded on the phone. 

The fighting died down, and Ziz huddled there, clutching at the phone and listening to Mr. Gouba tell her it was going to be alright. Then she heard footsteps.

“Where’s the fucking phone!?” her father demanded, his voice still angry. 

Uh oh. Ziz was already crying before the door was flung open. “What the fuck are you doing!?”

She screamed as the phone was ripped out of her hands, Mr. Gouba shouting for everyone to be calm. “Who the fuck is this?” her dad demanded, holding the phone to his ear. 

“Sir, I need you to be calm. This is Mr. Gouba from-”

“Fuck off,” her dad snarled, and hung up. He glared down at Ziz, raising his fist. “Who did you call?”

“N-nobody,” she stammered, quivering with fear. 

“WHO DID YOU CALL!” the fist hit her on the side of her head, sending her crashing into the closet wall. She was wailing and weeping as her father picked her up. His face was bloody and bruised, and his mouth was filled with blood as he screamed at her, “WHO DID YOU CALL!?”

“Put Ziz down. Now.”

The voice was calm. Soothing. But firm. A voice that Nahida always knew to obey. She opened her eyes and found Mrs. Rukkhadevata and Mr. Barbatos standing in her bedroom. 

“Who the fuck are you?” her father snarled. “This is private property! I’m an officer and I-”

“You’d know who we were if you’d ever come to parent-teacher conferences,” Barbatos said calmly, but his eyes were furious. “Set Ziz down. Now.”

“That stupid fucking nickname. Her name is Elizabeth! She’s my daughter and-” 

And then Mr. Barbatos hit her dad right in the jaw. He was smaller than her dad, kinda short for a grownup, but he hit her dad so hard he dropped her. Mrs. Rukkhadevata caught Ziz, and the next thing she knew, Ms. Focalors and Ms. Haborym were there too, grappling her father. 

“Shhh, it’s OK Ziz, come with me,” Mrs. Rukkhadevata said, carrying Ziz away. She saw Mr. Morax tending to her brother, as sirens wailed outside. 

A short time later, there were doctors and police and all sorts of people everywhere. Someone tried to take Ziz from Mrs. Rukkhadevata, but she screamed and cried and clung to her teacher until they went away. It was all very scary, and lasted forever. 

In the end, however, a kind looking man in a doctor's uniform and a woman in regular clothes sat down with her and Mrs. Rukkhadevata in the back of an ambulance. 

“Her wounds are minor,” the doctor said, though his name tag said “EMT” which Ziz decided was a kind of doctor. “She’s fine to go.”

“You’re sure about taking her?” the woman asked Mrs. Rukkhadevata. 

“Yes, my husband and I care for our niece, Nahida, already. They’re about the same age,” Mrs. Rukkhadevata told them. 

“Alright. We’ll do a full checkup later, but right now she seems pretty set on going with you, and stability and safety are very important. Since you’re her teacher, you’re probably the most qualified, as her only living relatives are currently in custody.”

“Thank you. Come on, Ziz. Do you want to come home with me?” Mrs. Rukkhadevata asked.

Ziz nodded, tears filling her eyes. She wanted that more than anything. 

It was well past dark by the time they arrived at Mrs. Rukkhadevata’s home, but Ziz could see there were gardens all around it, and a small fountain. There was a man she didn’t know waiting for them, along with Nahida. 

“Welcome home, Ziz,” Nahida said, giving her a hug. 

“T-thank you,” Ziz whimpered. 

“She doesn’t have much. Just a couple of changes of clothes and her school backpack,” Mrs. Rukkhadevata said. “We’ll have to see what hand-me-downs we can get from Nahida and buy the rest.”

“She can sleep with me tonight,” Nahida said, taking Ziz’s hand. 

“That sounds like a good plan,” the man said, kneeling down. He had a stern face, but he was gentle when he gave Ziz a hug. “I’m Mr. Deshret, Nahida’s uncle and Samiel’s husband.”

“Samiel?” Ziz asked in confusion.

Mrs. Rukkhadevata laughed. “That’s my first name, Ziz. Come on. Let's get you some dinner and then it’s bedtime. You must be hungry.”

Dinner was amazing. Ziz didn’t know what it was, but Nahida said it was Falafel and it was very good. After that, Nahida took Ziz to the bathroom and gave her a toothbrush and a towel so she could get clean. 

That night, she slept in Nahida’s bed alongside her, her bruises healing, and feeling safe at night for the first time in a very long time. 

This Dream was for the life you did not live. For the pain and sorrow of a child unloved. 

Huh? Ziz sat up, rubbing at her eyes. Then she blinked. “Wait, I’m not a little girl! I’m…I’m an End…bringer, I…”

Ziz sat up, reaching for the sleeping form of Nahida, only to find her sitting up, looking at her, still that same human girl. 

“I should hate this life!” Ziz gasped, putting her hands on Nahida’s shoulders. “I’m not free here! Stop this!”

This dance shall last for 1001 measures. A thousand and one lives for you to live. A thousand and one sins to be expunged. 

“No, no no no!” Ziz gasped, clutching at her head. This wasn’t what she should have wanted!

Simulation .0999% complete. Resetting. 

“NO! LET ME WAKE UP! LET ME BE FREE!” Ziz begged, but it was all too late.

The world faded, and the dream reset. 

Author’s Note: 

I messed up the dates of the Hajj in 2005 somehow. Whoops. Especially astute readers will notice the discrepancy, but I guess that the calendars are just slightly off on Earth Bet compared to our world. 

PHILO: The greatest cruelty of flowers is that of their dispassionate kindness, their unrelenting and oh-so-earnest wish for growth. Try as you might, Simurgh, but even birds of the sea yearn for a branch to perch.

The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 3

Animula Choragi 3: Non più mesta

There was a horrendous screeching sound, and Furina sat up with a gasp, eyes wide and panicked. Where was she?! This wasn’t her bedroom! She had a trial to prepare for! The people were drowning, Poisson was under water, she had to-

She blinked, looking about the darkened room as someone groaned next to her and sat up with a yawn. “Mmm. Good morning,” Yennifer said with a yawn. 

“I…yes. Good morning,” Furina said softly as the other woman reached over and pressed some sort of alarm clock so that it quit its warble. That was possibly one of the most noxious noises Furina had ever heard in her life, but it certainly got you up and out of bed. 

“You don’t need to get up,” Yennifer said, standing and stretching with her hands over her head. By the window, it was still dark outside. The clock read 06:00, though Furina had no idea what that meant. In Fontaine, hours were counted after dawn, but that obviously hadn’t happened yet. 

“No, it’s fine, I’m usually an early riser,” Furina said, scrambling out of bed. Then she paused. “Though admittedly…I’m not sure what I’m getting up for?” What was she even going to do? Her purpose was complete. 

“For today, you’ll need to hang out in the apartment, at least until the documents I ordered for you arrive,” Yennifer said. “Sorry, I didn’t mention it last night, but I contacted the head of the Knights. She’s…an old friend. She’s sending over official documents so people don’t get too suspicious of you.”

“Oh!” Furina felt relieved for a moment, then made a face. “Um, is that legal, strictly speaking? I don’t want to break the law…” Breaking the law just felt…wrong. Sure, she wasn’t really the Archon of Justice, but she’d spent her whole life upholding the Fontainian legal system. Visiting a new country and immediately breaking the law felt…vile. 

Yennifer snorted and shook her head. “As a lawyer, I can definitely tell you that it isn’t. But unless you want to spend a great deal of time locked away in a lab being experimented on because you’re an alien from the same world as the Archons, then you’d best accept the free identification and history that we’re cooking up for you.”

That made Furina feel sick to her stomach. “Well…I suppose I could see it as just being another role I have to play…I am quite good at that.”

“Yes. I’m afraid you’ll have to play the role of Furina de Fontaine, Earth Bet native, for a good long while,” Yennifer agreed. “If you’re up, go ahead and make yourself some breakfast. I’ll get Charlotte up and get ready for the day myself.”

Make breakfast? Furina blinked, then headed down the hall as Yennifer knocked on Charlotte's door. 

“Charlotte? You awake?”

There was a moaning noise from behind the door. 

“Come on, it’s a school day. And you’re going to need breakfast, you have physical education since it’s a Monday.”

“Mmmph,” came the creature behind the door. A moment later, there was a thump, and then the light came on and the door was pulled open, revealing a frazzled and sleepy Charlotte, dressed in an oversized shirt. “Oh. Bonjour,” she muttered in Furina’s direction. 

“Get moving, I’m going to have a busy day today,” Yennifer said, kissing her sister on the forehead.

“‘Kay,” Charlotte yawned, then closed her door, though the light stayed on. 

Furina ended up in the kitchen, or at least, she thought it was a kitchen. Honestly, she didn’t spend much time in any kitchens. If she wanted food, she sent for it and it arrived, or she went to a restaurant. She looked around blankly, at least able to recognize the stove, but having no idea how to turn it on. That had to be an ice box next to it, right? She’d heard of those, though they were a newer invention, sometime in the last century or so. 

She did spy a basket with some fruit in it, along with a loaf of bread. Deciding that was good enough, Furina tore off a hunk of bread and took what looked like a bulle fruit. The fruit tasted a lot like a bulle as well, though it was a bit tarter and with more pulp than the fleshy bulle fruit. 

After a few minutes, Charlotte reappeared, now dressed in shorts and her glasses. “Good morning!” she said, far more chipper than she’d been a few minutes prior. 

“Ah, good morning,” Furina said, watching as Charlotte busied herself with a pot of what smelled like coffee. 

“There’s butter and jam in the fridge if you want some, you don’t have to eat your bread plain,” Charlotte said, turning and grinning at Furina. “Yogurt, too.”

“Oh! Um, ah, yes, that would be lovely,” Furina agreed, and Charlotte went to the ice box and retrieved a tub of butter and a jar of jam. 

“So,” Charlotte said, sitting down with a cup that said “Danone: Vanilla” on it and a spoon. She looked around, then leaned in with a grin. “How was last night?!”

That brought a blush to Furina’s cheeks and a chortle from Charlotte. “I-It was very restful! R-really, um, your sister is very kind, but, ah, I’m just an out-of-work actor.”

“Oh really?” Charlotte said as a door opened behind them. Furina shrank in on herself, and a moment later, Yennifer with her hair in a towel and dressed in a bathrobe appeared. 

“Good morning,” Yennifer said, pouring two cups of coffee. “How do you take your coffee, Furina?”

“Sugar and cream, please,” Furina said timidly, then gratefully accepted a cup from her hostess. 

Charlotte was grinning like a fulmar bird the entire time, practically vibrating with excitement. Yennifer took a seat at the small table and a sip of her coffee, then paused, noticing her sister’s expression. “What?” 

“Oh, nothing,” Charlotte said with a far too casual air. “But you’ll know I’ll get the truth eventually.”

Sighing, Yennifer set her cup down and glanced at Furina, who could only shrug helplessly. She had absolutely no expertise in this area. 

“...Furina will be staying with us for a while,” Yennifer began, which prompted a sequel from Charlotte. “No, Lotte. It’s not like that.”

“Oh you say that, but I know,” Charlotte said, her eyes sparkling as her Vision began to glow brightly on the pendant around her neck. “I've seen your browser history. And those romance novels stashed in your room you think I don’t know you have.”

Yennifer’s ears went as red as her hair, and she cleared her throat. “Um, yes, well…then I suppose…never mind. Look, Furina is just a poor lost girl from out of town that I’m going to be helping. Professionally.” 

“As a lawyer, or as a cape?” Charlotte demanded instantly. 

Yennifer hesitated, then said, “Both, actually. Though Furina herself isn’t a cape.”

“Rrrrrealllly,” Charlotte purred, her gaze slowly shifting to Furina. “And those eyes are completely natural, then?”

“They are where she comes from,” Yennifer said flatly, which made Furina start. They most certainly were not. Her eye had been a marking that indicated she was of supernatural origin and had been one reason no one had ever questioned that she was indeed Focalors. 

“Which is?” Charlotte pressed. 

Rubbing her forehead, Yennifer frowned at Furina.

“A small town called Fontaine,” Furina said, slipping into her role. She didn’t think of it as lying, simply as playing a character again. “In the Loire Valley.”

“Funny, you know, I looked up places named Fontaine last night,” Charlotte said casually. “And none of them are near the Loire Valley.” She leaned forward, her expression now serious. “So where are you from, really?” 

“It’s a very small village,” Furina said defensively. “I’m not surprised it’s not on most maps.”

“Hmmm,” Charlotte said, leaning back, her eyes narrowed. “You’ll have to describe it to me.” 

“Some other time. You get into the bathroom and get ready for school.  You can grill Furina on her history after school,” Yennifer ordered.

“You mean after you’ve cooked up a proper cover story. Don’t try and hide the truth from me, Yen! I will find it, and when I do, I will bring it to light!” Charlotte said, her gaze locking on Furina. 

Furina’s mouth went dry. Why was Charlotte always like this? It was useful most of the time, but it had been she who had been instrumental in bringing Furina to trial. That had ultimately paid off, but it had been harrowing.

“You got your Vision for refusing to let the truth hide, and bringing it to light, didn’t you?” Furina said quietly. “For always digging deeper, and never being willing to let lies cover something over?” 

Yennifer’s eyes widened slightly, while Charlotte grinned triumphantly, standing and striking a dramatic pose. Archons. She was exactly like the Charlotte Furina knew, right down to the way she tilted her head to one side when she knew she had found a juicy story. “Indeed I did! And the Crystalline Truth will never rest while a lie lays bare on the table! Come on, Yen! You’re a lawyer, you care about the truth too!” 

“I care about Justice, Lotte, which isn’t always the same thing. The way the truth is presented matters,” Yennifer said, an edge to her voice. “I said-”

“It’s fine,” Furina said, closing her eyes. She sighed. “If I’m going to stay here…she should know. You both should. How about this: When you get home today, if I’m still here…you can ask whatever questions you want, and I’ll answer them as honestly as I can.”

“YES!” Charlotte crowed in triumph, even as Yennifer’s expression grew horrified. 

“But,” Furina said, holding up a finger. “You have to swear to only reveal as much of my story as your sister deems wise. Does that sound fair?”

“What?! But the truth has to be KNOWN!” Charlotte wailed in despair. 

“That is more than reasonable,” Yennifer said firmly. She pointed at her sister. “You. Shower. Now. School time.”

“Ugh, yes, mom!” Charlotte fumed, stomping off to the bathroom and slamming the door. 

Furina and Yennifer sat in awkward silence for a moment, before Yennifer growled, “Spasti teenagers. God save us from hormones.”

“Ah, yes. I’d forgotten how…intense…she was at that age,” Furina sighed, rubbing her forehead. 

“That’s not the first time you’ve implied you know my sister,” Yennifer said, frowning at Furina. “How, exactly? You clearly didn’t watch her videos.” 

“Er, no. And really, it’s not the same Charlotte, but a friend of mine when she was younger. It’s just…they look nearly identical, and my Charlotte was a Cryo Vision Holder as well,” Furina admitted. “Though she didn’t get her own Vision until she was…twenty? I think? So she wasn’t quite this intense.”

“Oh, so, an alternate universe version of my sister?” Yennifer said, her eyes widening in understanding.

“...maybe? They theorized about alternative worlds at the Fontaine Research Institute, but that inquest went nowhere,” Furina said with a heavy sigh. That had been one of her ideas on how to avert the Prophecy, but it hadn’t ever panned out, even after several million mora in funding and years of fruitless research. 

“Oh? Were you a researcher, then?” Yennifer asked curiously

“Ah, no no!” Furina said hastily, shaking her head. “Merely someone who kept up with scientific literature out of curiosity, nothing more. I did, ah, contribute some funds to that particular study, but I was never actually involved beyond that.”

“Some funds? By your clothes, I’d hazard you were rather well off,” Yennifer mused, sipping at her coffee. 

“Ah, yes,” Furina admitted. “I was…quite successful, on the stage. I even starred in several of those new films, though not quite like what Charlotte showed me. They didn’t have color, and there were no lines; those appeared on screen in text form.”

“Interesting, so silent movies. I take it Fontane and Teyvate were on a different technological level than Earth Bet then,” Yeniffer said with a thoughtful sip. She shook her head. “Time enough for that later. I’ve got to get Charlotte out the door, then we’re meeting a courier with your documents.”

“Oh! Ah, thank you,” Furina said, fidgeting somewhat nervously. 

“Come on,” Yennifer said, standing up. “Let’s get you dressed. You can probably fit into a pair of my jeans and one of my shirts. We’re about the same size.”

Yennifer was a bit curvier than Furina, who in turn was slightly taller than the other woman, but it was close enough that Furina easily fit into a pair of the “jeans” and a blouse. The jeans were made of a sturdy cotton fabric, and while quite snug, were very comfortable. The blouse was somewhat shapeless, with print that read “Oxford University Debate Club.” Only, the language on it wasn’t French. But Furina could still read it. 

“What language is this?” Furina said, looking down at her shirt and holding it out to read the text. 

“English. It’s where I went to school, with- never mind. You’ll hear my own tragic backstory later, but now there isn’t time,” Yennifer said, pulling on a much more flattering blouse and pair of black pants. “Can you read what it says?”

Furina hesitated, then nodded. “Yes, it’s very odd. Maybe I do have some sort of powers now, but ever since I’ve arrived, I’ve been able to read and understand everything. I did speak several languages back home, and read a few more, but I was hardly a scholar. Mostly, I spoke the local dialect and the trade language.”

“Hmm,” Yennifer said, frowning. “Maybe it’s a side effect of you coming to a new world. Any ideas what sent you here?”

“Well…” Furina hesitated, then winced. “I…I think I died. Like I said…I drowned.”

“Oh. Huh,” Yennifer scowled thoughtfully, tapping her finger on her chin. 

“Do you know something?” Furina asked hopefully. “Are there others from Teyvat who’ve experienced something similar?”

“Well, the only people I know from Teyvat, and I use the term ‘people’ loosely, are the Raiden Shogun, Lord Barbados, Nahida Saeed, and the Tsaritsa,” Yennifer said.

“Oh. So, Lord Morax is dead here too? What about the Pyro Archon? I admit, I don’t know much about them, but I think it’s Kiongozi again? They change so frequently,” Furina admitted. 

“No….” Yennifer said, turning slowly to Furina. “The Geo Archon is Lord Morax, then?”

“Well, he was. He died, quite suddenly actually,” Furina said with a shrug. “The Fatui were involved somehow, and there was a major crisis in Liyue. Sorry, sorry, you probably have no idea when it comes to any of these names.”

“Oh, I can hazard a guess,” Yennifer said darkly. She went over to the wall, taking down her sword, and raising it up before herself, studying her reflection in the blade. “I fought the Fatui at Riga. Saw a lot of good people die there, too. I also saw the Great Storm, when the Tsaritsa fought Lord Barbados for control of Eastern Europe.”

Furina felt suddenly dizzy, and she sat down on the bed hard, feeling stunned. “The Archons…went to war!? And you survived it?! Lady Egeria preserve us, does this mean that a Second Archon War has broken out?!”

“Let us hope not,” Yennifer said grimly, lowering her sword. “Having seen them fight…you’re not wrong that such a clash could very well destroy the entire world. For now, the Tsaritsa is contained, and Lord Barbados is ever with us.”

Gulping, Furina nodded. And resolved to stay as far away from those Archons as possible. The Raiden Shogun had a fearsome reputation, the Dendro Archon was largely an enigma, even if she had recently emerged from her sanctuary, and Barbatos…well, not much was known of the Archon of Mondstadt in Fontaine, but there were stories that he’d once altered Mondstadt’s climate through the expedient of carving off the tops of its mountains and casting them into the sea. Anyone who could do that wasn’t someone to be trifled with. 

And the less said about the Tsaritsa the better. The Knave was frightening enough. Her master was the sort of being that would give Furina nightmares. 

Shortly after they were ready, Charlotte emerged from her room, dressed in a smart jacket, knee-length skirt, and odd-looking colorful shoes that seemed suited for sports. “I’m off! Looking forward to hearing your story, Miss Furina!”

“Have a good day, hawk,” Yennifer said, stepping forward to kiss her sister on the cheek. 

Charlotte returned the kiss, then blushed. “Um, sorry, about earlier…you really are a good big sister…and kind of like my mom. I wasn’t trying to be a chieuse.”

“At your age, it’s natural,” Yennifer said with a chuckle. Then she hugged her sister. “I love you, Lotte. Don’t forget it.”

“Me too,” Charlotte whispered, her eyes squeezed shut. “More than anything.”

Then they separated, and Charlotte hastily took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. “ ‘kay, bye! Have fun!”

Then she was out the door and gone, swinging a bag onto her back. 

Shortly after that, Yennifer and Furina left, heading down into the street. 

“This time, we’re taking the Metro. Ever been on a train before?” Yennifer asked as they headed down the street. The sun was just up, and there were plenty of people moving about and more of those vehicles whizzing along. 

“Ah, no,” Furina admitted. She looked around, but tried not to make it too obvious she was a complete bumpkin. “Thank you, again. You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

“Sometimes, doing the right thing is its own reward. Besides, you are quite cute,” Yennifer said with a wink.

For some reason, that made Furina blush furiously. It wasn’t like she hadn’t received compliments before. It was just that this one felt more…real. Intimate. Like Yennifer was complimenting the real Furina, not the national mascot or the Archon. 

The train turned out to be a mixture of utterly terrifying and supremely mundane. It was underground and was a massive carriage that rolled along on strange tracks at breathtaking speeds. Still, everyone on the train looked utterly bored, so Furina did her best to be blase about the whole thing.  

The train itself was smelly and overcrowded, filled with what Furina assumed were people going to work, or in the case of some haggard faces, coming home from it. Having had a good night’s sleep, Furina was in a better frame of mind to study her surroundings. What she found surprised her: despite being on another world, these were just…people. They reminded her of the Fontainians she had known in how they held themselves and what they spoke of, though most were quiet on the train. They had a certain self-assuredness and carriage that was quite Fontainian, though the lewd jokes and leering gazes Furina witnessed were rather new.

 Or, well, perhaps they were simply new to her. Very few people made the mistake of cat-calling the Archon more than once. The Garde were more than a little protective of her, and Furina rarely went anywhere without them. 

She hadn’t quite realized how stifling that had been. 

When they emerged from the underground train and back into the light, Furina had hoped it wouldn’t look so much like Fleuve Cendre. To her relief, the area they were in now reminded her more of the Quartier Lyonnais, with plenty of shops and a sea of people washing around them. They wore clothing of makes that were similar to what Furina had already seen, and indeed what she was wearing now. After a bit of observation, she noticed something intriguing: She didn’t stand out. Her blue hair was odd, but she had on a hat the Yennifer had given her, and her eyes were behind sunglasses. Besides which, there were plenty of people with hair outside of the normal human spectrum, and not just Vision Holders. Dying one's hair seemed to be in the vogue, so someone with blue hair wouldn’t be completely out of the ordinary. 

They ended up not far from Ling’s restaurant if Furina remembered their location correctly; her sense of direction had always been somewhat vague. Yennifer took her into what was obviously an office building, and they ascended up to the sixth floor. The hallways were neat and tidy, but had an air that they were a bit past their prime, with somewhat sad planters and lighting that was just a bit off, along with some chipped paint and worn rugs. 

Yennifer’s office was in a back corner, with a sign on the front that said, Yennifer Lustria, Attorney at Law. Specializing in Cape Law and Labor Law. 

“It’s not much, but it’s what I can afford right now,” Yennifer said, taking out a key and opening the door. Inside, the office was decorated with a couple of tasteful potted plants, a few landscape paintings, and had a few chairs of that odd material that seemed to be everywhere. Furina would have to ask what it was. 

“Our appointment with the courier is in about 10 minutes,” Yennifer said, going into a back room with a desk piled high with papers and setting down her attache case. Then she stepped over to another room with a small kitchenette. “Coffee, while we wait? I have some snacks as well if you’re hungry.”

“Coffee would be lovely,” Furina said, stepping into the office. There was a bookshelf with a number of volumes on it with names like About the Law, and Elsevier's Legal Dictionary. On impulse, Furina plucked up About the Law, as it seemed to be a smaller, introductory volume, and began to read through it. She had barely gotten through the introduction when someone cleared their throat, and she looked up, blushing. 

“Oh!” Furina said, hastily closing the book and making to put it back. “Sorry, I should have asked first.”

“No, no, if you’re interested, please. There’s a more comfortable chair in the room over there where I see clients,” Yennifer said, handing Furina a steaming cup of coffee. 

“Thank you,” Furina said, eagerly taking the book and cup and going to sit down. The chair was lightly padded and around a small wooden table, so she sipped at her cup and poured over the text. 

This book is a brief introduction, with a minimum of technical terms, to the problems the law presents and how lawyers go about solving them. 

What the initial chapter presented was more of a basic overview of foundational legal theory, and Furina found herself nodding along as she read. This all made sense to her, and while it differed slightly from Fontainian legal theory, it was broad enough that what she knew still largely applied. 

After a few minutes, she looked up to find Yennifer intently gazing at her, cup of coffee clutched in her hands atop the table. 

“Ah, sorry! I am ignoring you. It’s just, the law has always fascinated me. In Fontaine, the stage and the law are both considered high drama, and are often intertwined,” Furina said, hastily setting the book aside. 

“You understood what you read?” Yennifer prodded. 

“Yes, mostly. I found the discussion of the Law and morality the most interesting, especially the point about not everything that is legal being a moral obligation, and vice versa. I think I disagree on a few points, but, well, this is a very new world for me, so it’s to be expected. And besides, I hazard a few people wouldn’t see things quite the same way as the author,” Furina said, tapping the book cover with one finger. 

“Interesting,” Yennifer said, sipping at her coffee. “We’ll have to discuss your thoughts on it later.”

There was a knock at the door, then it opened, revealing an older gentleman with a black hat under one arm, and a black suit and tie that would have been acceptable even at the Opera Epiclese.  He had a grey mustache and light blue eyes, and carried a cane and briefcase. On his lapel was a glowing Anemo Vision, and he nodded to Yennifer. 

“Good morning, Captain Lustria,” the gentleman said, nodding politely to Yennifer. “And to you as well, Mademoiselle.” The first he had said in German, the second, in French, but Furina’s mind translated easily on the fly, though she could tell that he had a slight accent to his French. 

“Captain von Dresch, thank you for your speedy arrival,” Yennifer said, standing and going over to salute the man, who returned hers crisply. 

“If you are with a client, I can wait, though the Grandmaster did say it was urgent,” von Dresch said in German, with a nod to Furina. 

“Actually, she’s the subject of your mission. Cookie didn’t tell you?” Yennifer said, nodding to Furina, who had stood and come hesitantly to the door. 

“I was told it was a mission of utmost secrecy and urgency, and to deliver this personally to you,” von Dresch said solemnly, holding up the briefcase, which Furina noted had a lock on it. 

“Thank you, come in, we’ll take delivery together,” Yennifer said, and then locked the front door behind von Dresch, before closing and locking the conference room door behind them as well. 

They all sat, and von Dresch set the briefcase on the table, spinning a series of dials to pop the locks open. He didn’t open the briefcase, instead passing it over to Yennifer, who opened it at an angle so that Furina could see, but von Dresch was blocked. 

Inside were several sealed paper envelopes, which Yennifer popped open. The envelopes contained a series of documents, which Yennifer looked over before handing to Furina. 

“Birth certificate?” Furina read. It had a description of a child being born, one Furina de Fontaine, listed as a “home birth,” as well as two parents, José and Marie de Fontaine. That was somewhat amusing, since Furina certainly didn’t have any parents. Not that she could remember in any case. The next was a small red book with the title Republic of France: Passport, and a crest in gold on the cover. Inside was a picture of Furina, though this version of her had blonde hair. It also gave her height and weight, along with a date of birth. She had no idea if 165 cm and 50 kilos was correct, but she hoped it didn’t make her sound fat, and she would have to find out when 1983 was in relation to the current day. 

There were various other documents that appeared to be more forms of identification and an envelope with colored bits of paper with numbers on them. 

“What are those?” Furina asked, peering at one of the papers, which had a picture of a man and a seascape behind him on it. 

“Francs, about 5000 of them in small notes,” Yennifer said with a small smile. “Not enough to make you rich, but certainly enough to live on for a while. Cookie didn’t stint for once.”

That prompted a raised eyebrow from von Dresch, but he didn’t utter a word. 

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Furina said, feeling the urge to cry once more. Initially, she fought it off, after all, Archon’s didn’t cry. But then she realized she didn’t need to. Not anymore. 

Yennifer helpfully got her a box of paper tissues, which Furina used to blow her nose and dab at her eyes. It had started to rain again, though it tapered off as Furina blew her nose and tossed the tissue away. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such kindness. I…I don’t know how I’ll ever repay this.”

“Oh!” Furina gasped in surprise, then turned to von Dresch, who had politely become very absorbed in the painting hanging on the wall. “Captain, I can’t possibly thank you enough either. Please, I’m Furina de Fontaine. And you are?”

“Captain Otto von Dresch, though you may know me as Vornehm. Or perhaps not, if my guess is correct,” the man said, taking Furina’s offered hand and brushing his lips against the back of her hand like a proper gentleman. 

“I am afraid the name is not familiar to me, but I won’t forget it. You are also of the Knights of Favonius?” Furina asked, glancing at Yennifer, who nodded in confirmation. 

“Indeed, though I am an old dog at this point,” von Dresch said, fingering his Vision. “I never thought I would be so blessed, but, it seems my service is yet needed in the name of Freedom.”

Furina’s eye brows furrowed, a question coming to her mind. “Are the Knights very active in France, then?”

“Ah, no,” Yennifer said with a shake of her head. “The major French cape group is the Mousquetaires, or the Musketeers. The Knights are primarily German, though we’ve expanded into the Netherlands, Austria, and Poland, as those are Lord Barbados’ major lands.”

“I see,” Furina said, and shrugged at Vornehm. “I’m afraid I am…not very familiar with current events. Or, er, any events, really.”

“It is not my business to inquire, my Lady,” von Dresch said, bowing his head. “I am certain you will reveal yourself at the appropriate time.” 

Reveal herself? Did he think she was the Hydro Archon too? “I…might not be who you think I am,” Furina said, giving von Dresch a small, sad smile. “I’m just an ordinary mortal woman, really.”

“As you say,” von Dresch said with a slight shrug. 

“Thank you, Otto,” Yennifer said, standing. “This was most timely and helpful. Pass my regards on to Cookie.”

“I will, though it will be some time before I return to Berlin,” von Dresch said, standing with the aid of his cane. “As a cover, I will be meeting with Iron Mask and several other Mousquetaires leaders to broker a treaty between us, should the war reignite. The Tsaritsa is everyone’s concern, and she will not sleep forever.”

What sort of world did Furina find herself in, where Archons warred? It made her shiver at the very thought. 

After some goodbyes, von Dresch departed, leaving Furina and Yennifer alone.  Yennifer put a “closed” sign on the door, then ushered Furina back into the conference room.

“Right,” Yennifer said, taking up the contents of the briefcase and pushing them in Furina’s direction. “I’m taking off the ‘I’m your friend’ hat, and putting on the ‘I’m your Lawyer’ hat. Normally this would be a conflict of interest and a breach of legal protocol, but we’re going to set that aside for now and I’ll do my best to be objective in advising you.”

Biting her lip, Furina nodded, glancing down at the passport and birth certificate. This was the role she had to play now. 

“First off, it’s imperative that you don’t tell anyone where you are really from. We’re going to have to nail down your cover story,” Yennifer opened a case, which turned into one of those glass boxes, with a typewriter attached. She tapped away at it, and pulled up a map. “Fontaine is a small commune in Isère, which your documents list you as being from. The odds of you running into someone from there are small, but you can claim you grew up outside of the commune in a very rural location. So not the Loire Valley.”

“Alright,” Furina agreed. “That doesn’t help us with Charlotte. If this world’s version is anything like the one I know, she won’t rest until she’s uncovered the Truth.”

Yennifer groaned and scrubbed her face with one hand. “Yes. My adorable and infuriating little sister. If I know anything about Vision Holders, it’s that they’re stubborn as mules and twice as hardheaded. Anyway, there are a few ways we can approach this. We have the foundations of an identity, but it’s going to be important to start to generate a paper trail. Cookie left a note that Tessa Richter created a digital paper trail for you that includes a baccalauréat and a history of employment with a non-existent theater troupe that toured through Germany, and we’ve got a few people who will swear you performed at their theaters.”

Yennifer handed over a paper that listed Furina’s various accomplishments, along with a Curriculum Vita that included several references from what looked like theaters and actors, mostly located in Germany. 

“That’s…quite an elaborate backstory, but nothing I can’t handle for my new role,” Furina said. She gave a small laugh. “I suppose playing Furina de Fontaine isn’t too hard of an ask.”

“Good. You’ll want to memorize it. Chaim and Malka are good people, and I’m not surprised Cookie got them on board so quickly, but it will help if you can namedrop a few places as well. Also, you’ll want to wear these contacts,” Yennifer handed Furina a small case with lenses in them. “I hate to make you have to hide your eyes, but as you’re not a Vision Holder or a parahuman, people will ask questions if they see them.”

“Simple enough, I’ve done that before,” Furina agreed, slipping on the lenses. Yeniffer pulled a mirror out of her case, and Furina inspected herself. The effect was quite good: her irises now looked like normal round ones, and her eyes were both the same shade of blue instead of heterochromatic. 

“We’re also going to be dying your hair. You can pick the color you want, though your passport lists you as a blonde,” Yennifer said. Furina agreed, and Yennifer sighed, shaking her head. “Now to the money. It’s yours, and you can do as you wish with it, but I do have some advice.”

“Of course, please! I, ah, well…Money was not something I thought a great deal about in my previous life,” Furina admitted. 

“You’re going to need clothing. I suggest second-hand stores,” Yennifer said bluntly. “Not fancy boutiques and high fashion. You’ll want one good outfit we’ll splurge on, but the rest of it should be gently used.”

“Yes, of course,” Furina agreed, feeling a sense of relief. “Frankly, I have very little attachment to physical possessions. What about, well…a place to stay?”

“You’ll be living with me and Charlotte, at least for the foreseeable future. Three Thousand Francs is enough to get you set up, but until and unless you find good employment, you’ll not be able to find an apartment in Paris. If you plan on staying in Paris, that is. There are other options,” Yennifer explained. 

“No, no, thank you for taking me in,” Furina said hastily. “You’re the only people I know, and it would be a comfort to at least have some familiar people around.”

Plus, despite their short acquaintance, Yennifer probably knew Furina better than just about anyone, even Navia and Charlotte. It wasn’t like she was ever very close with anyone, or open about herself. The only person who might know her better was Neuvillette, but they had always had frosty if polite relations. The Hydro Dragon respected the Archon, but he did not love her. 

“Let’s get to it then. We’ll get you some clothing and basic items today, then figure out the rest of it tomorrow. Though I do have to ask if you have any marketable skills,” Yennifer said. 

“Aside from my good looks and charming personality?” Furina quipped, though Yennifer didn’t smile in the least. She sighed. “Likely not. Anything I did know, it’s completely useless here in this new world. Perhaps something could be done with my newfound facility with language, but I’d like to avoid drawing attention to that.”

“That would be for the best, I think,” Yennifer agreed. “Parahumans are not well regarded in France, and while some countries have begun to lift the laws barring them from using their powers in a career, France is not one of those nations.”

After that, they departed Yennifer’s office and visited several stores, the first of which was a ladies' delicates shop that Yennifer frequented. While the rest of Furina’s clothes would have to be used, neither of them even considered buying a second-hand set of undergarments. 

Feeling much more comfortable and confident with her new bra and underwear, the bra being an invention that Furina particularly liked, especially compared to a corset.  They found skirts, pants, blouses, jackets, and shoes. It was all quite a lot, and resulted in a rather full day. Still, it had been fun, chatting with Yennifer and the shopkeepers and seeing all of the new styles this world offered. The clothing was very different from what Furina was used to, being much less ornate, but the freedom of movement it offered was rather refreshing. 

Finally, Yennifer took Furina to a small cafe near her apartment for a late lunch. “Get the onion soup,” Yennifer recommended. 

Furina happily complied and was delighted to find that the onion soup was nearly identical to the dish she was familiar with from Fontaine. It came with caramelized onions, melted cheese, and a slice of bread atop it. There was a light salad to accompany it, and afterwards, Furina treated herself to a slice of Opera Cake. It turned out to be a wonderful layered sponge cake with notes of almond, coffee, and plenty of chocolate. 

“Ah,” Furina sighed, resting a hand on her stomach and leaning back in her chair in contentment. “I must say, I am glad the cuisine is up to snuff. If there was one thing I would have missed about the Court, it would be the wonderful cuisine.”

“Court? Were you some sort of nobility?” Yennifer asked, her tone low so as not to carry.

Furina instantly sat up, flushing. “Ah, no. I was an entertainer, so I did hobnob with the upper class, but I was not truly one of them. I promise, I’ll tell you everything later.”

Not quite everything. There was no need to muddy the waters and say she’d spent her rather long life impersonating the Hydro Archon. 

By the time they returned to Yennifer’s apartment, it was getting on towards late afternoon. They were just hauling the bags onto the lift, when a familiar voice called, “WAIT!” 

Charlotte skidded into the elevator, red-faced and panting, but grinning from ear to ear. “Thanks! Looks like I timed it perfectly!” 

“Hmm. You didn’t skip any classes, did you?” Yennifer said, frowning as she hit the button from the lift. 

“Oh no, of course not!” Charlotte said, looking offended. Then she blushed and looked away. “...though I did skip the Journalism Club. I told Mr. Lambert I was investigating a story and he let me go.”

“Very well, you’d have been insufferable, and I’m curious anyway,” Yennifer said with a shake of her head. 

Charlotte practically vibrated inside the elevator, grinning at Furina in a rather familiar manic way. “So, how was your date? Lots of shopping, I see!”

Furina’s ears felt like they’d catch fire, while Yennifer coughed and glared at her sister. “Charlotte! It wasn’t a date, and it’s not your concern.”

“Oh come on, we’re sisters, and she’s staying with us, right? It’s totally my business!” Charlotte protested. 

“I don’t know that I’d call it a date…but it was quite pleasant. Actually one of the most relaxing days I’ve had in ages,” Furina said, smiling at Yennifer, who seemed rather pleased at the admission. Charlotte let out a little squeal. Yes, this was definitely Charlotte. She’d never been one for proper etiquette either. 

Back in the apartment, Charlotte didn’t even wait for the shopping to be put away before she had a cup of coffee made for each of them, and a notepad and pen for herself. Furina sighed and sat down, with Yennifer coming to sit as well. 

“I want to reiterate that you’re under no obligation to reveal anything you don’t feel compelled to, and that my sister is under strict orders NOT to turn this into a video or breathe a word of it to anyone without your permission,” Yennifer said, glaring at Charlotte. 

“What? I promise!” Charlotte said, holding up her left hand while placing her right over her heart solemnly. “My word as a journalist!” 

“That’s probably the best oath you’ll get out of her,” Yennifer admitted to Furina. “I am interested in hearing the full story, so take your time.”

“Where to begin?” Furina wondered aloud. She couldn’t very well start at the real beginning. So, instead, she started somewhat closer to the end. 

“I was an actress in Fontaine,” Furina began, and Charlotte instantly started scribbling down notes. “That is, I was an actress in the Court of Fontaine, the capital of the domain of the Hydro Archon in Teyvat.”

To her credit, Charlotte didn’t interrupt, though her Vision gleamed as she mouthed, “I knew it.” 

“Before you ask, no, I was not the Hydro Archon. That was Focalors. And while I did meet the Hydro Archon once or twice, I myself was simply a human woman, not a god,” Furina continued. “Anyway, I won’t go over my entire history, just the pertinent bits. You see, there was a Prophecy. One that said all of Fontaine was to drown while the Hydro Archon wept alone on her throne. Focalors…well, she tapped me to help her avert this prophecy. I can’t get into all the details, but you see…it involved me sacrificing myself.”

Charlotte’s pen stopped scratching and she looked at Furina wide-eyed for a moment. Yennifer had a neutral expression, but she seemed to be listening intently herself. Taking a deep breath, Furina continued, “Part of Focalor’s scheme required that I be arrested, and put on trial. The Prophecy was beginning to come true, and the town of Poisson…” Furina hiccuped, tears coming to her eyes. “...the town of Poisson was drowned. Many…many died, lost to the primordial waters. 

Yennifer had already brought a box of tissues over, and Furina took out one, dabbing at her eyes as the emotions overwhelmed her again. “I knew those people. Some of them, they were my friends. And so, when I arrived in Poisson…I was arrested. The charges don’t matter, but essentially it was claimed that I had engaged in a deception that resulted in the activation of the Prophecy, which everyone was well aware of. This was all according to Focalors plan…I think. She never really informed me of what I was to do, so I tried desperately to prove my innocence.”

“And I…failed,” Furina said, hugging herself. “Or…succeeded? I’m not sure. I was declared guilty by the Iudex, and the verdict rendered by the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale was…death. Only…not for me. For the Hydro Archon.” 

She thought back to exactly what had happened, trying to come to grips with it all. “Somehow, the Prophecy began to come true. A great beast of the Primordial Sea emerged, and began to drown everyone, myself the first victim. The Iudex battled the beast, but…”

A masked man of lightning and power, emerging from the Void to battle the narwhale… 

“One of the Fatui Harbingers, Ajax, known as Tartaglia-”

“Wait, did you say Fatui Harbinger?!” Yennifer interrupted, her eyes suddenly wide. “But, Ajaks!? He’s not a Harbinger! But, wait…Cookie said-”

“Yen, it’s obvious she’s talking about another world. Clearly the Tsaritsa tried to destroy Fontaine too,” Charlotte said, making a shushing motion towards her sister. She turned back to Furina and nodded solemnly. “Please, continue your story.”

“Well, after that, the Iudex, the Travelers, and the two Harbingers, the Knave was present at the Trial as well, all battled the Primordial Beast. There was little I could do, being a mortal woman, and I was locked in the defendant's box anyway. I could only watch and hope…”

Then, a grin spread across Furina’s face, and she let out a little squeal. “I died, of course, but they won! In my last moments, Focalors showed me a Vision! Of the waters receding, of the beast defeated, of the people of Fontaine living, the Prophecy averted! I died on the Hydro Archon’s throne in the place of Focalors, or something like that, and it worked! Fontaine was judged innocent by the Hydro Sovereign, and my people were saved!” 

Furina grinned at Yennifer and Charlotte, who both stared at her, gobsmacked. 

“So, wait. You died on the Archons throne? In her place?” Charlotte said, frowning at her notepad. “And what’s the Hydro Sovereign? Is that another term for the Hydro Archon?” 

“Oh, um, the Sovereign is the Divine Dragon whose power was stolen and forged into the Gnosis by Celestia, his power turned into the Archon’s Throne,” Furina said. “Or, at least, that’s what I think it is? I’m not entirely sure, it’s a very complicated theological matter that I never fully understood.”

“Why did you die on the Archon’s Throne, and how did that avert the prophecy?” Yennifer asked, her brow furrowed.

Furina sighed, then reached up, removing her contacts. She hadn’t meant to share this, but… “You see…I was cursed to resemble the Hydro Archon. That’s why I look like this. Combined with my skills as an Actress, the plan was for me to fool everyone into thinking I was the Hydro Archon, so I could die in her place. At least, I think it was? Focalors never did tell me, only that I had to fool everyone into thinking I was her.”

“So…you’re not the Hydro Archon, you’re her body double?” Charlotte said, scratching at her hair with her pen and frowning at her paper. 

“Er, I suppose? We did look like twin reflections in a mirror,” Furina admitted. “But I must hasten to add: I had none of her powers! I couldn’t control Hydro at all, and I have no divinity whatsoever. I’m not even a Vision Holder! Just an ordinary, mortal human. Honestly, the two of you have more power than I did.”

“That is…quite the story,” Yennifer said when Furina trailed off. “Perhaps you did such a good job at pretending to be the Hydro Archon, you fooled whatever power is bringing Archons to Earth Bet.”

“Oh, I did want to ask about that,” Furina said. “You’ve mentioned several Archons, but don’t seem familiar with the Hydro, Pyro, or Geo Archons.”

“There are only four here right now, plus you,” Charlotte said, pointing to her own Vision. “The Raiden Shogun was the first to arrive, five and a half years ago. She slew the Leviathan and saved Japan. Next was Lord Barbados, who arrived in Germany about two years after the Raiden Shogun. He toppled the Nazis and slew Khonsu. Then came Nahida Saeed, Lord Buer. She went to Baghdad and defeated the Simurgh.”

“And last was the Tsaritsa, who battled Scion for control of the world…and lost,” Yennifer said grimly. “She also fought the Twins. Though I’m quite certain you have no idea what these names we’re throwing around are. They are the Endbringers, giant monsters who were slowly driving humanity extinct, at least until the Archons came.”

“Not that slowly,” Charlotte said with a shiver. “I’ve seen pictures of Cologne. A million dead in a single day.”

“A…a million!? Furina gasped, feeling sick. “Fontaine’s population was only about five million! Merciful Archons, a million dead in a day!? That would drive humanity extinct! …maybe you should have gotten a real Hydro Archon after all…not just a fake.”

“I’m sure they’ll arrive eventually,” Yennifer said with a smile, taking Furina’s hands in her own. “For now, we’re glad you’re here, and not dead. And we certainly won’t be telling this to anyone. Right, Lotte?”

Charlotte groaned, but nodded and set her notepad down. “No one would believe me anyway. But yes, I’ll respect Furina’s wishes. But someday, the light of truth really does need to be shed on your story, Furina!” 

“Honestly, I’d rather leave it all behind. I had to pretend to be Focalors for a very long time,” Furina sighed, resting her head on her hands and looking off into the middle distance, her eyes unfocused. “It would be nice to just be a regular human, for once. To just be me, Furina.”

“Well, just Furina is good enough for us,” Yennifer said with a smile. Then she turned to Charlotte. “Now. Homework.”

“Ugh, are you serious!? I have a million questions!” Charlotte protested. “Like, what is life on Teyvat like!? What about how she impersonated the Hydro Archon, or a description of the other Archons, or how-”

“Homework,” Yennifer repeated. “You can badger Furina when she’s ready.”

“Uggggghhhhh,” Charlotte moaned, but she got up from the table. “Fiiiiiine. I’ve got a maths quiz tomorrow I need to study for.” 

“Mhmm,” Yennifer said. “Get to work.”

“Slavedriver,” Charlotte said, but she did so with a smile and a wink, and went off to her bedroom to study. 

Yennifer came around the table, hesitantly putting a hand on Furina’s shoulder. “Do…do you need a hug?”

“You know,” Furina whispered, her eyes full of tears. “No one’s ever asked me that. But yes. Yes, I do need a hug.”

And for the first time in 500 years, she got one. 

Author’s Note: 

Do not forget to hug and love your Water Jesus. She needs it. 

PHILO: She finally got her hug. Also, I ship Yennefer and Furina now. Join me, my brethren, as we Defend the Yuri. Crusaders of the Cuddle, Rise UP! Praise be the Lily!

The Broad Side of a Barn, Chapter 2

Despite the “kiss” they had shared, nothing much changed between Kazuma and Darkness for the next few days. She didn’t mention the orphanage, and Kazuma was distracted by Megumin and Aqua’s preparations for the upcoming tourney. 

“For the last time, Aqua, we’re not setting up a booth to recruit followers for the Axis Cult!” Kazuma said when Aqua once more tried to get him to assist her in expanding her collection of craziness. 

“But this tournament is perfect! We can use it to gain more of my wonderful followers and spread cheer and my wonderful name to everyone in town!” Aqua protested.

“No! I’m going to enter into that damn archery contest and win us enough money to get out of debt, and Darkness is going to…uh, enter the melee and try to save an orphanage or something.”

“Orphanage? Kazuma, what are you talking about?! Darkness isn’t an orphan,” Aqua said, frowning at him. 

“I know that! Look, just ask her next time you see her. Maybe you can go do some magic tricks for the kids or something!”

“Well I would, if I knew where Darkness even was. I haven’t seen her since like two days ago,” Aqua huffed. “Fine! I’m going to make the fliers myself!” 

Before Kazuma could explain just why that wasn’t going to happen, he heard a distant echoing boom. A moment later, the ground shook so badly that the dishes rattled, and one plate actually fell off the shelf and shattered. 

“Dammit, Megumin!” Kazuma groaned. “Come on, Aqua! We’ve got to find her before the guards do! I seriously hope she didn’t just go out by herself again!” 

Halfway towards the still falling mushroom cloud several miles off, Kazuma and Aqua ran into Yunyun, who was struggling along with a limp Megumin on her back. 

“Kazuma, Kazuma! Did you see!? That was my best Explosion yet!” Megumin cried eagerly, waving frantically at him. Wasn’t she supposed to be more drained after her daily catastrophe!? 

“Where the hell did you even set that thing off?! You’re going to have the entire town after you!” Kazuma snapped, hurrying forward as Yunyun staggered to a stop. He gave her a pitying look. “Yunyun, come on. I thought you at least had better sense than this.”

“M-Megumin challenged me to a p-piggyback ride contest,” Yunyun panted. “I-I won’t back down!” 

Right. Of course.

“And did she carry you all the way out to her Explosion spot?” Kazuma demanded. Yunyun blushed, while Megumin smirked at him. 

“I was to carry Yunyun back to her home, after she carried me to mine. As is only fair. But if she is to give up now…”

“I-I won’t lose!” Yunyun gasped. “I-”

“Megumin! Yunyun! There you are. Kazuma, how could you let them do this?!” Darkness demanded, hurrying up dressed not in her usual armor, or even her bodysuit, but in a long black dress and white blouse, with an odd leather chestpiece and corset on that had compressed her chest so much, Kazuma wondered how she’d fit into the ensemble. Whatever material it was made out of had to be some serious stuff, as it looked like it was about to explode. 

“Hey, don’t blame me! I had told Megumin in no uncertain terms I was NOT carrying her to her daily Explosion, and she wasn’t to let one off near the town and ESPECIALLY not the tournament grounds! I thought Yunyun would have enough sense not to let Megumin trick her into this, but-”

“S-she didn’t trick me! I, um, I’m helping her prepare for…you know,” Yunyun said, shuffling her feet nervously. 

“IT WAS A CONTEST OF ENDURANCE AND SKILL! Plus, I need to let off my Explosion now so that I am primed to go for the tournament day after tomorrow!” Megumin huffed. 

“Well, Alderp has dispatched several landed knights who have already arrived for the tournament, and I do believe he has ordered your capture dead or alive,” Darkness said grimly. “Thankfully, one of the knights is sworn to my family, and Sir Sooter warned me when they were dispatched. You will all need to come with me immediately. If we can make it to my manor, they won’t dare search for you on the grounds. My family name is at least worth that much if I claim you as a retainer.”

“What!? A Crimson Demon is no one’s retainer! I will not-” Megumin began.

Kazuma grabbed the back of her neck. “Drain Touch.”

“K-Kazuma! Don’t…don’t you…dare…” Megumin slumped over, and Darkness grabbed her off of Yunyun’s back, cradling the mage in her arms. 

“All of you, with me, swiftly!” Darkness ordered, and turned about. 

Darkness set a rapid pace, which the other three spectacularly failed to keep up with, even though Darkness was carrying Megumin. She waited for them impatiently several times as the others panted and struggled to maintain a jogging pace. “Come along, it’s not far now!” 

They managed to make it to Darkness’ manor home on the outskirts of Axel, just as Kazuma heard hoofbeats. They barely made it within the gates before half a dozen men and women in shining armor with various colorful helms and tabards pulled up. 

“Ah, Lady Dustiness! I see you have collared the criminal. Come, we shall accompany you back to Baron Alderp’s abode,” one of the men, with a red rooster helm and bright red tabard with a game cock on it called from the back of his warhorse. 

“I think not, Sir Hahn. This young woman is my retainer and a member of my adventuring party. She is under my aegis and is not bound to Baron Alderps' whims,” Darkness said, handing Megumin over to Kazuma, who grunted as he hefted the still passed-out mage. 

Sir Hahn glared at Darkness, leaning forward over his saddlehorn. “You would claim this criminal as your retainer? She is a known menace who has repeatedly disrupted the tranquility of this domain!” 

“She is also a loyal and steadfast companion who has aided in the defeat of Beldia, and the destruction of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. She was merely practicing her art, that she might safeguard the realm,” Darkness said, standing firm at the gate. 

“Pah, she uses Explosion Magic! It is a gimmick, a farce! She is no mage!” Sir Hahn snorted. 

Yunyun suddenly stepped forward, her crimson eyes aglow. “Megumin is a member of the Crimson Demon Clan, and has been recognized as an Archmage by my people. Do you deny her status?”

“Pff, and who are you? Another exile from the mad village?” Sir Hahn sneered. 

“Jager,” a woman with a blue snail helm said in a warning, resting a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

“BEHOLD!” Yunyun cried, suddenly striking a dramatic pose with one hand raised, her left leg kicked up, and her right making an arcane gesture with her wand. “I AM YUNYUN, DAUGHTER OF HIROPON, FOREMOST ADVENTURER OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN, AND SHE WHO WILL ONE DAY CLAIM HER PLACE AS CHIEF!” 

Hahn jerked back at hearing that, and the snail knight sighed and shook her head. “I was trying to warn you, Jager. Megumin might be an outcast, but she has powerful friends.”

“Hmph. The destruction your retainer has caused will be billed to your house then, Lady Dustiness. Something I think you can ill afford,” Hahn growled. 

With that, he wheeled about and rode off with most of the other knights, save for one, who had a silver shield on his tabard and a rather plain helm. That man dismounted, then bowed to Darkness. Kazuma immediately decided he didn’t like the man. He was far too polished, and that chiseled handsome chin made him oh-so punchable. 

“Forgive me, Lady Dustiness. I did my best to delay them, but Hahn knows my allegiance. He is a rogue and a hotheaded lout, but he has the baron’s favor.”

“It is well, Braum,” Darkness said, sounding exhausted. “Thank you. An annoyance Jager Hahn might be, but he is right about one thing. Further debts are something my house can ill afford.”

“Yes, well…some of us know what the Baron has done to you. I will fight for the honor of House Dustiness in the joust tomorrow if I have your leave,” the knight said, bowing low. 

Darkness smiled, then took a lace hankie from her sleeve. She walked forward, and tied it to Braum’s elbow. What was she doing that for!? Was this clean-shaven goody-two-shoes actually her type!? What a skank! “Go then, Sir Braum Sooter. With my blessing. I will not be joining you in the joust. It is embarrassing, but I must go where my talents lead me if I have any hope of claiming a prize.”

“Ah, the melee, then? May Lady Eris smile upon you,” Sir Sooter the Suck Up said. With that, he bowed one more time to show his lack of spine, then remounted on his horse. Kazuma very nearly used steal on him before he rode off with Darkness’ hankie. He was certain the knight would do something perverted with it later that night. Just like Kazuma had been doing with Darkness’s panties. 

Darkness watched him go, and Kazuma glared daggers at her. “Well!? Now what! We’re even deeper in the hole now! Sheesh! Even when I win that archery contest, we’ll still be in debt! And don’t tell me you suddenly caught a case of good sense and invested enough in offense you could actually win the melee!” 

Darkness flushed. “I…I could not bring myself to do so. But Kazuma…I would not be so certain you’ll win the archery contest.”

“Oh yeah?” Kazuma asked, folding his arms smugly. “I win drinks off all the adventurers whenever one of the archer classes thinks a lowly adventurer can’t outshoot them!” 

“Yes, Kazuma, you are indeed the finest archer among the Adventurers in Axel,” Darkness agreed. “But Kazuma…the prize for the tournament is more than just the eris. It is prestige and a chance to gain the baron’s favor. There will be noble archers who have come just to compete. I saw Sir Steit, and Lady Kocher. They are both from families famous for their bloodline archery abilities.”

“Yeah, well, do they have my luck?” Kazuma laughed. 

“Sometimes, Kazuma, you need more than mere luck,” Darkness said with a shake of her head. “Besides, I have not seen you practice your archery at all.”

“Pff, who needs to practice when you have skill points? Trust me, Snipe will be plenty,” Kazuma said with a wave of his hand. 

“Mmm,” Darkness said, but she looked disconcerted. “Come. Let us put Megumin to bed. Yunyun, you had best stay with us tonight. Hahn is not ordinarily foolish enough to draw the ire of the Crimson Demon Clan…but it would be best not to test his rashness.”

“Um, o-ok,” Yunyun agreed, looking back at the mansion. “I-I can just stay in the stables…”

“The stables are for my horses, not my friends,” Darkness said with a laugh that sounded genuine as she smiled at Yunyun. “Though quarters will be tight, this manse is not particularly large, and we have less staff on hand than I would like. Would you mind terribly sharing with Megumin?” 

“Oh! Y-you mean it!? We’re friends!?” Yunyun gasped, looking like she might faint. 

“Of course, we have gone on many adventures together, and any friend of Megumin’s is a friend of mine,” Darkness assured her. 

“Well, I’m not sharing a room!” Aqua piped up. “I’m a goddess! I deserve to be pampered and get my own bed!” 

“Of course, Aqua. And Kazuma, you will of course receive your own room as well,” Darkness agreed. “Dinner will be at six bells. I am afraid it will be light; we have had to cut back.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Kazuma said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sheesh, with digs like this, why do you even bother to stay at the mansion?”

Darkness blushed. “Well, it is much closer to town. And, well…I enjoy staying with all of you. It is more…relaxing.” 

Darkness showed them all to their rooms, saving Kazuma’s for last. They were all fairly opulent, even more well-decorated than their rooms back at their mansion, though they were slightly smaller and cozier. Yunyun said she’d put Megumin to bed, but wake her up in time for dinner.

“I’m taking a bath!” Aqua announced when she was shown her room. “So don’t come perving on me, Kazuma!” 

“Ew, thanks for the warning,” Kazuma said, making a face. “Like I’d want to see you naked.”

“Hmph! I’ll have you know most mortal men would drool and weep to see a goddess bathing!” Aqua huffed. 

“Weep, sure. But drool? They’d have to be drooling morons to fall for you,” Kazuma said with a snort. 

“What?! I’m literally perfect,” Aqua huffed. “My measurements are flawless!” 

“You sure? Because Darkness’ boobs are bigger than yours,” Kazuma said bluntly. 

“Hmph! There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Well, just so you know, Darkness, Kazuma snores! It was awful when we were in the barn,” Aqua said conspiratorially.

“I snore!? You sound like a lumber mill!” Kazuma protested. 

“I do not! Goddesses don’t snore!” Aqua huffed, sticking out her tongue at Kazuma. Then she slammed the door, leaving Kazuma and Darkness alone in the hallway. 

“Don’t listen to what that useless bimbo tells you about me,” Kazuma told Darkness. “I do not snore.”

“You do, actually,” Darkness said with a faint smile. “And much more loudly than she.”

“Hey, how would you know?!” Kazuma demanded hotly. 

“Kazuma, we have camped out together several times. I can hear you easily when I take my watch,” Darkness said with an amused expression. 

Oh, right. “Well, uh, you snore too!” Kazuma said, pointing an accusatory finger. 

“You are quite the cad to tell me that in my own home,” Darkness said as she led Kazuma down the hallway. She walked right past several rooms, going up a level at the end of the hall.

“Hey, what’s wrong with those rooms!? Why do I have to go up the stairs!” Kazuma demanded hotly. 

“Those rooms have been closed, as we are lacking servants to care for them properly at the moment. My father is not in residence now, having retired to our primary estate in the North for his health,” Darkness explained. She hesitated on the stairs. “I am giving you his master bedroom. Which is…next to mine.”

Kazuma’s heart suddenly thumped. “You expect me to sleep in your father’s bed? Wow. Classy.”

“It is the most lavish room in the manse. And the servants will not come up to this level at night, as I have told them that after the evening meal they are dismissed,” Darkness, turning around and hurrying up the stairs. 

Kazuma charged after her. “Hold on one damn moment!” he snapped, slipping around Darkness and planting his feet in front of her. “You’re not going to sexually harass me at night, are you!?” 

“...it would not be appropriate for a lady to do such a thing. Besides, I think you will find that it has been you who has harassed me. Particularly the…bathing…incident,” Darkness said, not meeting Kazuma’s eyes. 

“H-hey! That was the Loli suc- um, never mind,” Kazuma said, looking away, equally embarrassed. 

“Loli? You…you expected another woman…?” Darkness flushed even deeper. “T-that is even more depraved than I thought!” 

“No, not a woman! Er, sort of. You, um, remember that succubus Aqua, er…caught?” Kazuma said, looking anywhere but at Darkness. “I…sort of told her to…uh…”

“Kazuma! You consort with demons!?” Darkness demanded, suddenly grabbing him, real outrage in her voice. “I thought you a scoundrel and a pervert, but not a traitor!” 

“Ow, ow!” Kazuma gasped, as Darkness was just about crushing his arm and shoulder. “No, it’s not like that! They-re’ ah! Leggo! They’re independent! They have a small cafe in town, they just give you, um, dreams! I was just going to get a sexy one, and um, well, I sort of…”

Darkness relaxed her grip, but pushed Kazuma in front of her. “My room. Now.”

Kazuma found himself double timing it to the largest and most ornate room yet. There was a giant four-poster bed, and a portrait in the corner of a young woman that looked a lot like Darkness, though her hair was a shade or two darker, and she had light brown eyes. She was posing with a truly enormous bow that seemed to be made out of metal, wearing an outfit that was close to what Darkness had on. 

“Who’s the archer broad?” Kazuma said as Darkness shoved him onto the small couch.

Darkness glanced at the portrait, then bit her lip. She closed her eyes, and a look of pain passed over her face. “...my mother, Alice Ford. She was a renowned archer. The entire Ford family is.”

“...oh. Um, sorry,” Kazuma said, feeling a bit lame. Though that apple had certainly fallen far from the tree. Darkness couldn’t hit the broad side of the barn with a sword, let alone a bow. “She, uh…she’s not around anymore, right?”

“No. She was felled by a magical ailment when I was but an infant. I never knew her,” Darkness said, turning to look at the portrait. Kazuma stood up, glancing at her. She looked like she was in pain, and tentatively, he put a hand on her back.

“I bet she was something special. And would be proud of you and stuff.”

“Thank you, Kazuma. But I doubt that,” Darkness sighed. Then she rounded on him. “Now. Explain about why you consort with demons. And why you thought me joining you in the bath was somehow their fault.”

“Well, um, I you see…they give guys dreams. You fill out a form and stuff, and you get, uh…a very special dream.”

“A form,” Darkness said flatly. 

“Yeah, um, you choose your partner. And, I, um, I maybe…kinda sorta…put in your description. And name. And, um, said you should call me master,” Kazuma admitted, wincing. “Please don’t kill me.”

Darkness stared at him a moment, then sat back on the couch, and began to laugh hysterically. “You mean, ha ha, you mean to tell me, hee hee, that you…oh, gods, that is too…ha ha!” 

“What!? What!? It’s harmless! The girls get a snack, and we male adventurers get some relief! It’s not like any of the women will date us, so we have to take the pressure off SOMEHOW!” Kazuma spluttered. 

“Kazuma,” Darkness tittered, wiping her eyes. “You do realize that I knew the bath was occupied, don’t you?” 

“I knew it! I had put up the sign that I was in there, and you just ignored it! So that wasn’t my fault anyway!” Kazuma cackled. 

“Idiot man,” Darkness sighed. Then she stood up, looming over Kazuma, her expression dark. “When this tournament is over, you will explain this…succubus brothel…to me more fully. And I will investigate it…personally. Demons are the enemy, Kazuma! And a serious danger to this entire town!” 

“Oh come, on, you’ve MET Lolisa!” Kazuma said with a roll of his eyes. “You know, the pink-haired girl that hangs out with Dust?”

“I…” Darkness frowned, then started. “Wait, Lolisa is the same as that…oh. Oh! But…” She shook her head. “No. Succubi are cunning and dangerous, Kazuma. They turn men against their fellows before sucking them dry and leaving their empty husks!” 

“They’re not like that!” Kazuma protested. “Come on, Darkness. I’d have thought your pervy ass would be all in on the succubus train!” 

“No. While I might enjoy being beaten and battered by monsters, and have a wish to be imprisoned and molested by hulking beasts…demons are another matter. They are the enemy of the church. Though…if one were to chain me up, and turn me into his plaything…” Darkness began to salivate, a vacant look in her eyes. 

“See? You’re hopeless. And you’re pissed at me for asking for a dream!” Kazuma huffed. 

“Did you really ask a succubus to assume my form?” Darkness asked, her face turning red. 

“Uh, look, it was just a dream, and it didn’t even happen! With your overly sexy body, can you really blame a guy for wanting to, you know…” Kazuma coughed. 

“You really are an idiot, Kazuma. Go freshen up. Dinner is in a few hours. I will see you then,” Darkness told him, turning around. She began to unlace her corset even before Kazuma made it to the door, and he lingered a bit. She paused, turning to look at him. “Well? You really so bold as to leer at me in my own room?”

Kazuma fled, and hastily went to the room next door. A young man man in golden armor with a blond mustache stared down at him beneficently from a massive portrait. It had to be Darkness’ father, especially as he was standing astride a slain manticore, one booted foot on its spiny mane. 

“What?! She was the one who started before I even got to the door!” Kazuma told the man. “And she was the one who snuck in on me in the bath! I’m innocent!” 

The expression on the painting didn’t change. 

“Don’t look at me like that, you randy old bastard! I bet you’re just as much of a freak as your daughter!” 

Still, Kazuma resolved not to get out the pair of panties in his pack. Jerking it with Darkness’ dad watching him felt…wrong. On multiple levels. 

He washed his face and hands in a basin, then perused some of the books on the shelf. Most of them looked like dry and boring political stuff or histories, but there was quite a swath of creased and dog eared books in the middle. Kazuma pulled one out. The Heart and the Flame. He flipped it open to one of the dog-eared pages, and immediately dropped the book. Then hastily picked it back up. Carefully stepping out of sight of the portrait of the Dustiness patriarch, Kazuma cracked open the book again, which was marked at a fabulous pair of titties that were getting absolutely railed by a darkly handsome man. 

His eyes fell to the words, which described in exquisite detail the busty woman getting destroyed by the man. He flipped through the book, and found beautifully illustrated full page spreads of, well, people spreading them. 

He hastily closed the book and put it back, then snuck around the corner. He peered up at the portrait of Darkness’ father. “Really? REALLY?! You really ARE just as much of a randy bastard as Darkness is!” he declared, pointing an accusatory finger. 

The man in the portrait just grinned back at Kazuma, though now he somehow looked a lot more roguish than saintly. Kazuma went back to the shelf, but paused. Somehow, it just did not feel right looking through what amounted to Darkness’ dad’s porn stash. Though he did write down the titles on several of the books for further research later. 

Feeling too pent up, and too nervous under the Elder Dustiness’ gaze, Kazuma wandered out of his rooms and downstairs, before heading out into the garden behind the house. He found a set of archery targets set up on bales of hay to his surprise, and took out his bow and strung it. He got in a bit of practice, grinning to himself as he sank home bullseye after bullseye from as many as 25 paces. 

“Sir? Dinner is served.” 

Kazuma turned to see a pretty maid in a cute uniform bowing to him. She had curly brown hair, and freckles on her cheeks. She looked to be somewhere in her mid 20s, and while she wasn’t as stacked as Darkness, she did have a nice rack on her. 

“Well, well, I didn’t realize Darkness kept hotties on her staff. I’ll have to come around more often,” Kazuma said, sauntering over to the maid. “What’s your name, cutie?” 

“My name is Holly, sir. And Lady Dustiness has warned me about you,” Holly said, still bowing. “Touch me, and I have permission to poison your food. Not too badly, but you will spend the night on the privy.”

Sheesh! Kazuma hadn’t even touched her!  Yet. “Uh, hands to myself, got it.”

“Excellent. Right this way, sir.”

Holly the Harpy led Kazuma to a lavish dining chamber with a long hardwood table, set with silk napkins and real silverware, along with fancy porcelain plates. Darkness, Aqua, Megumin, and Yunyun all sat around the table, with Darkness in an evening gown, and the others in their normal clothes. Megumin and Aqua glared at Kazuma, with Aqua going so far as to wave her hand in front of her face. “Ugh, Kazuma, I thought you were supposed to freshen up! You stink!” 

“I was just practicing for the tournament,” Kazuma said, taking the seat beside Darkness and lounging in his chair. “I think I’ve got this one in the bag.”

“Ha! I will surely claim the prize for magecraft!” Megumin bragged as another maid, this one a slender red-head with green eyes and a mischievous grin. Kazuma reached a hand towards her, but she suddenly slipped, splashing hot soup on his hand, which he retracted with a hiss. 

“Oh, sorry sir. I’m so clumsy around lechers,” the maid tittered, and Kazuma glared at her while Aqua laughed hysterically. 

“Ivy…he is my guest and friend,” Darkness said with a frown. “Treat him with the respect you would my father.”

“Well, I’m not spending the night in your daddy’s room tonight, that’s for certain, my Lady,” Ivy huffed. “Thank goodness you gave us the night off.”

Darkness groaned and put her head in her hands. “Ivy…”

“You did warn us, my Lady,” Holly said, coming forward with a pitcher of cold punch. Kazuma hastily covered his glass. “Oh relax, sir. I wouldn’t actually poison you. That was merely a jest. Though Lady Dustiness might beat me if I did let you pinch me.”

“Holly, please!” Darkness wailed, putting her head down. 

“Hey Darkness, I like your maids! They got SPUNK! Have you ladies considered joining the Axis Cult?” Aqua asked. 

“Why I never! We’re good erisites in this house, we are,” Holly huffed. 

“Even if we do have the funner Axis texts, always were a favorite of my lord!” Ivy chuckled. 

“Ladies, please!” Darkness said, looking up, her face flushed. “This is not the sort of humiliation I enjoy!” 

“But my Lady, you said not to stand on ceremony while your father was away,” Holly said, putting a hand to her bosom. 

“Yes, but, not in front of my friends!” Darkness begged.

“Oh, but these are your friends, not the nobles. We can be saucy with them,” Ivy said with a wink. “Now don’t you fret. We have a nice chicken for your meal tonight, we’ll bring it out shortly.”

“Thank you,” Darkness sighed, sitting up. “Just…please don’t be so…free. Not unless we’re truly private.”

“Very well, my Lady. Does that mean you won’t have a fit if I do sneak up to my Lord’s chambers tonight?” Ivy asked in innocent tones. Kazuma nearly choked on his soup. 

Darkness glared at her, and Ivy cackled before hurrying off in a swish of skirts.

“...so is good help hard to come by, or does your family just employ weirdos?” Kazuma asked as Megumin  fell upon the bread and soup like a starving wolf, and Yunyun sipped at hers quietly. Aqua just reached over, taking Kazuma’s hand and soothing away the burn. 

“Ivy and Holly are…special,” Darkness sighed. “Normally, they’re with my father, not me. But, well, he sent them away as he’s too, um, exhausted for their…company.”

Kazuma digested that, then his eyes went wide. “Wait, they’re your father’s m-”

“Maids. His maids,” Darkness said firmly. “And the less I have to think about it, the better. That is NOT the sort of embarrassment I am fond of. At all.”

“Wouldn’t your father need his maids?” Yunyun said, looking up.

Megumin rolled her eyes. “Obviously, he wants someone to keep an eye on his daughter while he’s sick. He is probably with doctors or something.”

“Ah, yes, my father’s clerics and physicians tend him most assiduously,” Darkness agreed, blushing. “Ivy and Holly’s talents do not lie in that arena.”

“Hey, this soup is great!” Aqua commented. “They’re good cooks, at least!” 

The soup was quite good, a creamy broccoli soup with a bit of cheese in it and just the right amount of spices. The roasted chicken was moist and tender, with a wonderful, crispy skin. For dessert, there was a delicious peach cobbler with cream, served in small bowls for each of them. Kazuma found himself eating until his stomach hurt, and he leaned back, sighing in contentment. 

“Ivy, if you did poison me…it was worth it,” Kazuma said, then belched loudly. 

“Well, thank you, sir,” Ivy said with a grin. “I’ll take that noise as a compliment. Good to have someone who appreciates my cooking! Lady Dustiness enjoys it well enough, but she’s always demanding healthy food with more protein. Hardly ever get to make her something sweet!” 

“Ah, Darkness, you gotta live a little!” Aqua laughed. “What’s the point of all that exercise if you don’t indulge?”

“It was very good, thank you,” Yunyun said quietly, and Megumin nodded, wiping a bit of cobbler off her chin. 

“We should visit your place more often, Darkness!” she proclaimed. “Plus, we don’t even have to do the dishes!” 

“Thank you, Ivy. Once you and Holly have finished up, you are dismissed. We’ll have a simple breakfast, so you may sleep in and come in after,” Darkness told them. 

“You’re certain you won’t need us?” Ivy said, suddenly looking concerned. “My Lady, you do need someone to look after you, and if those horrible men come back…”

“I’ll deal with them. They haven’t molested you, have they?” Darkness asked, her eyes suddenly gleaming with anger. 

“No, no, didn’t even cat call us. But the Baron’s debt collectors keep visiting, and we can only hold them off so long,” Ivy said, looking nervous. She wrung her hands, and bit her lip. “My lady, you must know…if you can’t afford to pay us…we can hold off on the wages…we would never-”

“No,” Darkness said firmly. “My family will honor its debts, Ivy. Always. You have faithfully served my father for nearly ten years. And been kind to me as well. You will not want for funds.”

“Never been about the money. But thank you, my Lady,” Ivy said, and bowed deeply. “If you need us…”

“No, thank you. You are dismissed, once you help Holly with the washing,” Darkness said in a kindly tone. 

Ivy bowed and departed, and Darkness stood with a yawn. “I am for the bath. After today, I could do with a nice long soak. Kazuma, remember what I told you earlier. The rest of you, good night.”

“Good night!” Aqua said, while Megumin yawned.

“Come on, Yunyun. I’ll give you a piggyback up the stairs and win our bet.”

“W-what!? That was not- we didn’t agree to that!” Yunyun squeaked. 

“I said I would carry you home, and we’re staying here tonight, aren’t we? So come on. Or are you too afraid?” Megumin demanded. “Do you think I would fall so easily, slipping and dropping you so that you broke your neck?” 

“I…I…um…those stairs are rather steep, Megumin…”

“Ha! Then I declare victory! I win again!” Megumin proclaimed, jumping on her chair and posing.

Yunyun wailed, and Kazuma sighed and trudged upstairs. He was completely knackered himself. He made it to the master bedroom, and started taking off his clothes. He didn’t have any spares, so he’d just sleep with his underwear on. What was that Darkness had said? ‘Remember what I told you, Kazuma.’

What had she told him? Stay away from succubi, blah blah, you’re a pervert, blah blah…

‘You really are an idiot, Kazuma.’

Showed what she knew! He was the brains of this operation! Without him, Aqua would be drunk in a ditch somewhere, Megumin would blow herself up, and Darkness would end up failing every quest when she couldn’t kill a single monster. He’d see who laughed at who the next time she couldn’t land a single-

You do realize that I knew the bath was occupied, don’t you?

Kazuma froze. Wait. She’d known he was in the bath? And she’d come in anyway? What kind of-

Oh shit. He really was an idiot. He quickly pulled off his pants, then ran to the bathroom. It was in a room between the master bedroom and Darkness’ own room, through a passage that connected at the back. He hastily ran into the room, turning on the water, which came out piping hot into a large stone basin. Not as big as the one in their mansion, but still about the size of a hot tub. Darkness wasn’t in yet, and his bare feet slapped on the marble tile as he skipped along, tugging off his underwear. He reached the far door and flung it open, then froze. 

Darkness stood stock still, her eyes wide, a towel barely covering her as her hand extended towards the doorknob. They both locked eyes, and for several seconds, neither moved. 

Then Kazuma placed his underwear on the outside door handle. “Occupied,” he said, then threw the door shut. Then he scrambled over and jumped in the hottub, his heart thundering in his chest. Then sat there. And sat there. Long moments dragged by, and nothing happened. Damn it all, was he really a complete fool!?

Then, he heard the soft click of the handle turning, and a breeze as the door opened. He held his breath, listening as the door swung shut, and the breeze vanished. He didn’t dare turn around as he heard the soft tread of bare feet. Then, he heard the rustle of fabric. He glanced around, and saw Darkness’ bare feet, along with her towel on the ground. His eyes trailed up, and he beheld her full body. Well, mostly. She’d wrapped her long hair about herself like Lady Godiva, her hands at her groin and chest, her face aflame. 

“I, um, I-I didn’t realize…you cad! I-I told you…told you I was going to bathe!” Darkness stammered. 

“Sheesh, took you long enough,” Kazuma said, then slapped at the water’s surface and turned around. “Now get over here and wash my back.”

He held his breath again, and once more, had to wait for a long time. Then he jerked as Darkness slid into the water next to him with a splash. He just gaped at her as she hastily dipped down so that it covered her chest, her eyes locked on his. 

“Y-you…you would order me around, like…like a common…” Darkness swallowed, licking her lips.

“About time I got some proper service. I tried to get Ivy and Holly to come wash my back, but they said they had the night off,” Kazuma sniffed. He turned his back to Darkness. “Well? Get to it!” 

He tensed up, stiffening for a moment, then let out a gasp as Darkness’ hands slowly reached out, touching him. A moment later, something silky and wet began to rub his back. A wash cloth? He glanced over his shoulder, and found a blushing Darkness rubbing at him with her hair. 

“I, ah, I didn’t bring…” She bit her lip. “That is…this seemed the most expedient…”

“Well, I expect a thorough cleaning, girl,” Kazuma said, his voice only cracking a little. 

“Y-yes! Um…M-master…” Darkness stammered.

“G-good,” Kazuma said, and stood up, folding his arms over his chest. 

He found himself shivering as Darkness used her wet hair to give  him a thorough scrubbing. She was actually kinda bad at it, being rather rough and clumsy, but Kazuma sort of didn’t care. He lifted up his arms, and demanded, “The pits too!” 

“Y-yes, master,” Darkness stammered. To his shock, she leaned over, sniffing his armpit, then sighing. “Mmm. A wonderful scent…almost manly for you, Ka-I mean, Master.”

“Damn right I’m manly,” Kazuma mumbled, blushing furiously as Darkness began to clean there. He let out a hiss and then a snort. “C-careful! I’m, uh, sensitive there…”

“S-sorry!” Darkness gasped, but didn’t stop. She took her time, carefully wiping down Kazuma’s arms, even trailing her hair along his back as well. She hesitated when she got to his lower region, and Kazuma, almost against his will, moved his hand to block her. 

“Um, m-maybe not that, uh, yet,” he stammered. 

“Ah, yes,” Darkness agreed, blushing and turning her back. Kazuma caught more than a glimpse of her breasts, which were larger and redder than he’d thought they’d be in the bath water. 

He looked around, spying a bar of soap and Darkness’ towel near the edge of the tub. He grabbed both, then lathered up the bar. “Hold still.”

Darkness stiffened and covered herself with her hands, then peaked over her shoulder. “K-Kazuma?”

“Your turn,” he told her. “It’s only fair.”

She flinched when he touched her, and he quickly withdrew his hand, feeling terribly embarrassed. “S-sorry, um, I-”

“No,” she said quietly. “No. Wash my back, Kazuma.” She stood up out of the water, even lowering her hands to her side instead of over herself. She tilted her head back, and Kazuma could see she’d closed her eyes. He could do basically anything to her now. 

Tentatively, he reached out again, and this time, Darkness leaned into him. Gently, he began to scrub at her shoulders and back, moving aside her wet hair. Her body was incredibly toned, and Kazuma found himself running his hand over the muscles. They were light steel cords under his fingers, and he began to kneed them, more out out of perverse interest than anything else. 

To his surprise, Darkness moaned. Well, he wasn’t that surprised, actually. “K-Kazuma…”

“I told you, call me master, you big gorilla,” Kazuma said, as an idea struck him. “Lean over on the edge.”

Darkness squeaked and jumped in the water a little. “Master! W-what are you-”

“Just do it,” he ordered, and grabbed the wet towel and swatted her on her exposed buttocks. 

That got a gasp of pleasure, and Darkness hastily surged forward with a splash, laying on the side of the tub. Kazuma began to chop and pound at her back muscles like he’d seen videos of people in massage parlors do. At first, Darkness stiffened, then she melted completely, a happy sigh escaping from her as Kazuma used his elbows and fists to beat away at the tension in her muscles.

“Oh…oh master…mmmm…I will…I will give you an hour to stop doing that…” Darkness groaned langorously. 

“Don’t know if I have the stamina for THAT,” Kazuma grunted. He was already sweating and starting to breath hard. “Sheesh, you’re as tense as a plank. This debt thing has really gotten to you, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Darkness whispered, turning her head to look up at Kazuma. To his shock, he saw something in her eyes he hadn’t expected. Tears…and fear. Since when had Darkness been afraid of anything? 

“Well, don’t sweat it. I’ll win that money at the tourney, and that will be something,” Kazuma grunted, using his hands like knives to pound at her shoulders. 

She looked away from him. “I…I believe we shall get the money from the archery competition. But it is only 100,000 eris, Kazuma. It will buy us time. Nothing more.”

“You think you can win the melee?” Kazuma asked. 

“...no,” Darkness admitted softly. “No, even were I to take basic swordsmanship, the melee is more than just how much punishment you can take, and besides, I have not the skill points at the moment.”

“And the odds of Megumin winning the magecraft category?”

“Less than zero,” Darkness groaned, hiding her face in her arms. “Magecraft competitions do not simply test the destructive capacity of the mage, but their ability to overcome their foes in a duel of skill. Megumin could win exactly one duel. After that…”

“And I take it vaporizing your opponent is against the rules?”

“Yes. Most definitely. The point is to find excellent mages, not reduce their numbers. Alderp is looking for a court mage most likely. The point of such tournaments is to identify exceptional individuals to add to his retinue so that he can use them against threats to his lands. Or at least, ordinarily, it is. Such events are also showcases of a lord’s wealth and power. And Alderp is making a play to become a major force. That is why he-”

Darkness cut off, and Kazuma paused. “Why he what?” 

“Just…don’t stop, Kazuma. Please. Make this last,” Darkness said, her voice muffled. 

Nodding, Kazuma continued, and Darkness slowly relaxed again, sagging against the side of the tub. After another five minutes however, Kazuma was breathing hard, his blows barely landing. He flopped down in the water, completely exhausted. 

“Ok, I think…I think you’re clean, now.”

“Mmm,” Darkness said, standing up and arching her back, which gave Kazuma quite the eyeful. She smiled at him before sliding down next to him in the tub. “Thank you, Master. That’s what I needed.”

“Sheesh. Call me your master, then make me work hard,” Kazuma grunted, one eye open as he eyed Darkness, who was making no effort to cover herself now. 

She leaned up against him, and Kazuma leaned back against her. It was somewhat annoying that her head rested atop his, but that did give him a better angle on her boobs. 

“How can this unworthy servant ever repay you, Master?”

“I can think of a way,” Kazuma said, then reached up and squeezed Darkness’ left breast, hard.

She gasped and writhed slightly, but then reached over and took Kazuma’s other hand as she turned slightly, placing it on her other breast. “Yes, Master. Ruin me completely for marriage.”

“I…uh, I don’t know that this counts,” Kazuma said, but he didn’t stop squeezing. He even pinched her nipple a little, which made Darkness shiver in delight. He tilted his head up, and found her mouth meeting his. Once more, their teeth clacked together, making both of them flinch back and cover their mouths.

“Ow! That’s not how you’re supposed to kiss!” Kazuma said, dabbing at his lip with his thumb. Thankfully, it wasn’t bleeding any thus time. 

“I, ah, I apologize…I am very clumsy, and um, I-I do not know how to kiss properly,” Darkness stammered, back to covering herself with her hands as she turned away from Kazuma. 

“Um, to be fair…I sort of have no idea how either. That one the other night was…sort of my first,” Kazuma admitted.

Darkness turned her head back towards him, a look of hope on her face. “R-really? I…I was your first?”

“Um, yeah. So, uh…you wanna, you know…uh, maybe figure out how to do it the right way?” Kazuma offered. 

“K-Kazuma, I…” Darkness lowered her arms shyly, despite her being completely naked, and looked down, blushing. “I…I would enjoy…p-practicing… with you. Master.”

Tentatively, Kazuma drew closer to Darkness, putting an arm around her. She opened her arms, drawing him close to her, still blushing like a shy maiden. He pressed against her breasts, then stood up while she remained kneeling so that he was above her. There. That felt right. He closed his eyes and gently pressed his lips to hers. 

Immediately, Darkness pressed harder, her teeth nibbling at him. “Ack! Slow down! I’m not a damn hunk of meat!” 

“S-sorry,” Darkness mumbled, pulling back. 

“Uh, it’s more like, this,” Kazuma said, drawing her back to him. He pressed more firmly this time, and Darkness wrapped her arms about him. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, before Darkness suddenly stuck her tongue into Kazuma’s mouth. 

She immediately let him go and backed away again, once more covering herself. “S-sorry. I, ah-”

“No,” Kazuma said, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “No, uh, that…that was kinda nice.”

Darkness glanced up at him, her expression shy but hopefully. “You…you mean it? I…I was not being…too forceful, and unladylike?”

“I mean, yeah, probably you were, but I can sort of be into that,” Kazuma said. He leaned down again, and Darkness closed her eyes and turned her face to meet his. This time, he nibbled at her lips a little, and she gasped in pleasure. When she stuck her tongue into his mouth this time, Kazuma let her, then did the same. 

When they came up for air this time, both were breathing hard. They slid back into the tub, arms wrapped about one another. 

“That was, uh, not bad,” Kazuma said.

“N-not bad? Was it not…?” Darkness flinched away a little, but Kazuma pulled her back. 

“Yeah, not bad. For a worthless serving wench like you. You’ll have to practice to get it right, worman.”

“Y-yes! Yes, master!” Darkness said eagerly. Then she suddenly pulled away from Kazuma. “If…if only we could…”

“We can,” Kazuma said, reaching over and slapping her ass. She yelped, but when she looked at him, she was grinning.

“Uncouth rogue! Forcing a defenseless maiden to cater to your every whim! Then punishing her for her failures!”

“Yeah. We’ll uh, we’ll do this again,” Kazuma promised. 

“I…I hope so,” Darkness said.

Kazuma wasn’t sure what to make of that. They both climbed out of the tub, and helped one another towel off. They kissed again, this time Kazuma having to stand on his tiptoes to reach Darkness. 

After what felt like ages, Kazuma lowered himself and yawned. “Man, I am an idiot. I could have done this a long time ago, couldn’t I?”

“I, ah, did plan something similar when I went into the bath with you,” Darkness admitted, pulling the towel to her chest and blushing. “I…I had hoped…but then we were interrupted.”

“Yeah. Guess I won’t need to visit Lolisa again,” Kazuma said dreamily.

Darkness suddenly glared at him, then tied the towel about herself and whirled about. “Good night, Kazuma. Get some rest. Tomorrow, we must apply to enter the tournament.”

“Huh?” Kazuma said, blinking. Darkness stalked off, then slammed the door behind her. A moment later, she appeared, holding up Kazuma’s underwear. “Don’t forget these, Master.”

Then, she threw them right into Kazuma’s face! Dammit, the one time she had perfect aim! By the time Kazuma had clawed the smelly thing off, she was gone.

With a sigh, he stood, then walked back to the door to his side. After a moment’s consideration, he put them on.

The last thing he wanted was for Darkness’ dad to see him naked. 

The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 2

Animula Choragi 2: Addio del Passato

After dinner, Furina bid farewell to Julie, Ling, and Mr. Mao, and followed Yennifer down the street to a tall apartment building. It wasn’t especially notable, looking somewhat dingy and worn down like the rest of this part of the city, but it was still a good eight stories tall, with architecture that reminded Furina of Fontaine in many subtle ways. 

“Home sweet home!” Yennifer said, opening the door by pressing a series of buttons on a pad. “Come on in, Charlotte’s home, and I told her I’m bringing a guest.”

“Oh! Sorry, I called you Charlotte earlier, didn’t I?” Furina said, blushing. “I’m sure you’re not the same person.”

“Eh, it’s fine, I assume you’ve seen her videos online,” Yennifer said with a shrug. 

Online? What line? And videos? That word vaguely reminded Furina of those newfangled films that had been all the rage for the past couple of years. She’d seen several and enjoyed them, and could only assume that Charlotte was some sort of film star. “Er, perhaps, you merely reminded me of someone I know from back home,” Furina prevaricated. “Mostly the hair and eyes.”

Yennifer nodded, then led Furina to a lift, taking them up to the 3rd Floor. The hallways were somewhat narrow and cramped, with the carpet faded and worn, and everywhere smelled of old cigarettes. It was a far cry from Palais Mermonia, but Furina was willing to bet it was better than sleeping in the street. 

Upon reaching the door of the apartment marked M317, Yennifer took out a key and unlocked it, before swinging the door open. “Lottie! I’m home! Brought you some orange chicken!” 

A moment later, Furina’s heart nearly stopped when Charlotte, her Charlotte, stuck her head into the hall and grinned. “Sweet! Thanks, Yen! Is this the lady you texted me about?”

Charlotte stepped into view, and Furia felt tears flood her eyes. The same bright pink hair. The same glasses and sparkling green eyes brimming with curiosity. And the same Cryo Vision on a pendant around her neck!

“Charlotte?” Furina rasped, taking a step forward. “You…you’re here too?”

“Huh? Oh, um bonjour,” Charlotte blinked at Furina, then looked at her sister, an expression of concern on her face. “What’d she say? It sounded weird.”

“Old French. Furina has a way with languages,” Yennifer said, putting a hand on Furina’s shoulder. “This is my little sister, Charlotte Lustria. She has a Dailymotion channel called Crystalline Truth. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

Furina blinked back her tears, uncertain. She’d switched back to Fontainian subconsciously, and forced herself to speak French now. “How could I not? That’s her Constellation. But, Charlotte…”

Furina trailed off. Something was off. Charlotte looked as she had many years ago. Back when she’d just been a newspaper girl who’d badgered Furina into an interview. She’d been, what, 15, 16 back then? It had been at least five or six years. People grew and changed so quickly…

“Woah! You know my Constellation name?!” Charlotte said eagerly, springing forward and grabbing Furina’s hands in hers. “I totally just learned about mine like a month ago! I looked it up online, they say every Vision Holder has one! It’s what I named my channel after too! I’ve only been running it for a few weeks, but I’ve already got over 100 subscribers! That’s really good for a French Language channel! Are you one of them!? I’ve never met a fan before! Well, unless Barb or Yen count.”

“I…I…” Furina trailed off, putting a hand to her head. “Is…is it a news reporting...paper?”

“I mean, I work for our school paper too, but it’s not a paper, it’s a Dailymotion channel! Here, let me show you!” Charlotte grabbed Furina and dragged her past a small kitchenette and into a bedroom. It had posters on the wall of what looked like a few music groups, as well as various important-looking people in dramatic poses, and many, many newspaper clippings. There were clothes scattered about on the floor and the bed was a tangled mess of blankets, so Furina had to step carefully so as not to tread on soiled laundry. 

There was an odd glass box that was glowing softly with some sort of power. There were devices hooked up to it, including a typewriter. Charlotte began to do something that caused the glass box to flash and emit noises, even as the girl chattered away.

“Dailymotion is a new site, you see! It was founded just about a year ago right here in France, and you can post just about whatever you want! There aren’t that many people posting videos in French yet, and especially not journalism!” Charlotte chittered, and with a few strokes on her typewriter, a film began to play inside the glass box. Furina was shocked that it was in vibrant color, and that it had sound to go along with it! All the films she had seen were in black and white, and of course, sound had to be provided by an accompanist. 

“Bien le bonjour, Truth Seekers! It’s your trusty source of solid info, Crystalline Truth here again!” the film version of Charlotte warbled. She was outside of a large building with many children of various ages going in and out, apparently a school of some sort. “Today, we’re going to be investigating a very important subject: Education! Is it really for everyone in France? Come with me today, as we investigate rumors that certain ethnic minorities are being denied access to school, even if they speak French! So come along on this journey with me, as we attempt to bring the truth to light!” 

“Charlotte, you’re not going to make Furina watch that entire expose, are you?” Yennifer said from behind them. “You haven’t even introduced yourself properly yet, or eaten dinner.”

“Oh, right!” Charlotte said, spinning around in her chair and grinning up at Furina. “I’m Crystalline Truth, though you can call me Charlotte Lustria! It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Furina.”

“Ah, likewise,” Furina said, giving the girl a nervous grin. “I am Furina de Fontaine, and I-”

“Did you say de Fontaine, or de la Fontaine?” Charlotte interrupted. 

“Er, de Fontaine,” Furina said. “I’m from Fontaine, and it's where my family name comes from.” Not that Furina had a family. Or at least, she couldn’t remember one. The first and really only thing she remembered was being given her task by the true Archon, Focalors, then left to fend for herself for 500 years alone on the stage of heaven. 

Except, that was over now. Though she still didn’t have a family. 

“Really? Where is Fontaine?” Charlotte asked eagerly. 

“Er, your sister said it might be near the Loire Valley, in Aquitaine,” Furina said, feeling a bit frazzled. This really was like getting interviewed by Charlotte, though this girl was a lot clumsier than the woman she knew. Actually, she was exactly like her Charlotte had been when she was but a girl. Was it six years? Or eight? It was so hard to keep track after so many long centuries, and so many faces had passed through her memory. 

“Interesting! So, what brings you to Paris? You’re a cape, right? A parahuman, like Yen?” Charlotte said, pointing to her right eye. 

Furina fingered her own eye and grimaced. “...no. I’ve no special powers. This is just a birthmark. People have always assumed I had some mystical abilities, but, alas, the only magic I know is of the theatrical variety.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Charlotte said, narrowing her eyes at Furina as she stood up to peer more deeply into Furina’s pupils. 

“Yes. Quite sure,” Furina sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I’d have noticed if I had even a modicum of power. I won’t lie and say I’ve never bluffed that I had some abilities, but the reality is I’m simply a completely ordinary human.”

“Then why’d Yen take you in?” Charlotte said, frowning over Furina’s shoulder. “She usually focuses on helping capes.”

“Let’s just say Lord Barbados touched my heart to show kindness to a wayward soul,” Yennifer said, putting a hand over her heart. “I wouldn’t be much of a Knight of Favonius if I ignored a young lady in need, now would I?”

Furina blinked in surprise at that. Come to think of it, hadn’t Yennifer mentioned she was a knight before? “You’re a Mondstadter, then? I thought you were French,” Furina said, feeling very lost and confused. 

The expression on Yennifer’s face was unusual. She started at first, then her face went completely neutral and blank. Oh no. What had Furina said?! 

“She’s half French,” Charlotte said, slipping around Furina to hug her sister. They did look an awful lot alike, especially in the face. Their eyes and hair were slightly different shades, but their similar features and builds made it easy to believe they were sisters. Even if Yennifer did have antlers hanging down past her ears. “Her mother was German, mine was French. We had the same father though.”

“My mother is German to this day, Barbados bless her heart,” Yennifer said wryly, putting an arm around Charlotte’s shoulder. Then her expression saddened. “Our father passed away at the start of the year, while I was off fighting in the War near Riga. Heart attack. Charlotte’s mother, she died in a cape battle five years ago. She was a civilian, just collateral damage. My mother is still alive and living in Munich, though we don’t talk much.”

“But as far as I’m concerned, we’re full sisters!” Charlotte declared, kissing Yennifer on the cheek. “I’m still only 14, though my birthday’s next month. And, um, well…I did somehow get a Cryo Vision, sooooo…she sort of kept me out of jail.”

What did having a Cryo Vision have anything to do with locking someone up? Just because Duke Wriothesley had one didn’t mean anyone with a Cryo Vision was sent to the Fortress of Meropede. 

“As I’ve said in court, just because your ambitions align with the Ice Bitch’s doesn’t mean you’re automatically an evil monster like she is,” Yennifer said, rubbing the top of Charlotte’s head and making her squawk in protest. “Even if you’re a little gremlin. Go on, go eat your dinner, Ling made it special for you.”

“‘Kay! Thanks Yen! I’ll show you more of my channel later, Furina!” Charlotte called, dashing back into the hall.

Yennifer jerked her head towards the door, and Furina followed her. Yennifer led her into another bedroom that was far neater, though rather cluttered. The cramped writing desk in the corner had another glass box, though a sleeker looking one, on it, along with stacks of folders and papers. The bed was neatly made, and there was a Favonius Sword hung on the wall that caught Furina’s eye. 

“You really are a Knight of Favonius,” Furina said, reaching out a hand to the sword. To her shock, she felt something, energy, pulse within it. She snatched her hand away, eyes wide. That had never happened before, and she’d handled Favonian blades more than once. 

“Close the door,” Yennifer said quietly, and Furina complied, feeling suddenly terribly nervous. She took off her hat, clutching it to her chest, and giving Yennifer a nervous smile. 

“Sit down,” Yennifer said, gesturing to the bed, and Furina complied, with Yennifer taking the chair at the desk. There wasn’t much space, the bed and desk took up nearly all of it, and Furina began to sweat. This had the tone of a serious discussion. 

“Who are you?” Yennifer said quietly, her eyes locked on Furina’s. 

She swallowed. “I…I told you. I’m Furina de Fontaine, an actress from-”

“No,” Yennifer said softly, and shook her head. She nodded at Furina’s clothes. “Those are too nice. They’re not the clothes of a bumpkin. They don’t look like anything I’ve ever seen before, but they’re obviously custom-tailored and of immaculate quality. And that hat…it looks like a crown.”

Furina gulped. She’d known that hat was too ostentatious from the moment she saw it. “It’s…a costume…”

“Don’t lie to me,” Yennefer growled, and her antlers popped and smoked for a moment, making Furina cry out in shock and scramble back to the edge of the bed. 

“Putain de merde !” Yennifer growled, and yanked the antlers off to Furina’s shock and horror. Then she tossed them in a sturdy metal box by the wall, and slammed the lid shut. A moment later, there was a muffled thump, and the box rattled. “Sorry. Not you. Stupid useless powers. Anyway.” Her eyes locked to Furina again. “Don’t lie to me. Not with my little sister here. If you lie to me, I’ll kick you out onto the streets and not give it a second thought. Now. Who. Are. You.”

It was too much, Furina slumped forward, head in her hands, and began to sob. “I-I d-don’t know!” she wailed. “I-I don’t know w-where I am, o-or who a-any of these people are, o-or what a-a bus is, o-or those m-magic glass boxes are! A-and especially n-not what a D-Dailymotion is!” 

The stress and fear that had built up for centuries, especially over the past few days, began to pour itself out in Furina’s tears. Outside, it began to rain. Not a drizzle, but a heavy downpour, as if the heavens themselves wept alongside Furina. 

Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon, don’t cry. That children’s rhyme came to Furina’s mind. Did you cry for me, Monsieur Neuvillette, at the very end? 

There was a rustling of sheets, and Furina flinched away, only to feel warm arms wrap themselves about her. “Shhhh. It’s OK. It’s alright. Let it all out.”

Yennifer drew Furina to her, and despite herself, Furina found herself weeping into this stranger’s bosom. She hadn’t done this since…well, never. She’d had times when she went off and hid and had a good cry, of course. Especially in that first century. But never when another could see her. She could never, ever break character. Her performance had to be masterful. Had been masterful. But it was over now. She could finally drop the mask. 

Nobody would die if she cried, if the mask broke, and… she was free. Right?

Only, after all this time…was it even a mask, anymore? What was behind the facade? Who was she? She didn’t know. Couldn’t know. Had never had the chance to find out. 

After long minutes, Furina finally came to a sniveling, shivering stop. Yennifer had gone through an entire box of paper tissues and helped Furina into the bathroom, there was only one in the small apartment, to help her clean up.

“Take a bath. You’ll feel much better,” Yennifer said, turning the faucet in the tub on. “Or a shower, if you prefer. Do you know how to work it?”

Furina peered at the thing and nodded. “Yes, this one for hot, and the other for cold?” They had such things at the Palais Mermonia, though usually, a servant drew her baths for her. 

“Yes. You’re about my size, so I’ll give you some of my sweats to wear. I’m afraid I don’t have any new underwear, so you’ll have to go without. Is it your time of the month?”

Furina blinked at her. Her time of the…? Oh! 

“Ah, no, it is not,” Furina said, blushing. She’d never had a time of the month. Part of her Curse. She was suspended in time, and thus, did not have a monthly cycle as mortal women did. Only…did she, now? That was an odd thought. Not a disconcerting one, just odd. She wouldn’t mind being just an ordinary human, prone to the same troubles and pains that all others were. 

“Well, there’s the pads. Lotte and I don’t have heavy periods, but if you need something more we’ll figure it out. For now, take a bath, and if you need it, have another cry,” Yennifer said. Her gaze drifted off to focus on nothing, and pain flashed across her face. “Lord Barbados knows I’ve had more than one since Riga…”

“That…war, you mentioned?” Furina said, feeling like a fool.

Yennifer nodded tightly, and gave Furina a sad smile. “You really don’t know anything, do you? Amnesia?” 

Furina opened her mouth, then closed it. “I…perhaps? I can remember things,” about 500 years of things, Furina had a near flawless memory that was both a gift and curse, “but I don’t know this place at all, or how I got here. There’s a…gap. In my memories. I think I nearly drowned, but…” She shrugged helplessly.

“Hmmm. I’ve heard of this before.  You’re probably from another world. Teyvat, unless I very much miss my guess,” Yennifer said, then nodded at Furina’s stunned expression. “Yes, I take it my guess was correct.”

“Ah, yes. Fontaine is in Teyvat,” Furina admitted, biting her lip. “Do you know…how to get there?” She wasn’t certain she wanted to get back, honestly. But, well, she at least wanted to know her options. 

“No. This is Earth Bet. Not even the Raiden Shogun, Lesser Lord Kusinali, or Lord Barbados know how to find Teyvat,” Yennifer said with a shake of her head. 

Furina started. The Archons? Yennifer had mentioned an Ice Bitch. The Tsaritsa? If the Seven were here…

“Do you know if Egeria is here? Or Focalors?!” Furina asked desperately, hoping for some connection. Yennifer’s brow furrowed slightly, so she hastily added, “The Hydro Archon! Where are they?”

“Honestly, Furina,” Yennifer hesitated, then barked out a laugh. “...I was going to ask if YOU were the Hydro Archon.”

Furina blinked several times. Then she sat down on the toilet, the lid was closed, clutched her belly, and laughed as hard as she could, until tears streamed down her face. She felt so, so much better now. Even now, after everything…people still assumed she was the Hydro Archon! Truly, her life was a tragedy with a healthy dose of Black Comedy.

“N-no, Yennefer,” Furina gasped, wiping away her tears. She shook her head emphatically. “No. I can say with absolute certainty that I, Furina de Fontaine…was NOT the Hydro Archon of Teyvat. That was Focalores, and Elgeria before her. Like I said: I’m just a perfectly ordinary human. Albeit, one with an unfortunate birthmark.” She touched her eye and grinned at Yennefer. 

“I…believe you,” Yennefer said slowly. She shook her head. “I was so certain…that song…just like when Venti sings.”

“Who?” Furina asked, tilting her head to one side.

“Lord Barbados. He goes by Venti Luft when he’s…mingling? Well, when he’s not being the Archon.”

Not being the Archon? That made no sense to Furina. Then again, there were plenty of stories of Barbatos and Morax both going out amongst their people in disguise. Furina had done it a time or two herself, though that hardly counted. 

“Well, anyway, your bath is ready. Take a long soak,” Yennifer said. “We'll talk later. I’ll leave clothes just outside the door.”

With that, she left, and closed the bathroom door behind her. Furina regarded the water for a moment, then giggled. A bath did sound good at the moment. 

Stripping off her clothes, it was an absolute pain to do so without a servant to help her, Archons curse the fashion industry, Furina sank down into the tub. She lay back, closing her eyes and letting the waters take away some of her sorrows and worries. 

“At last…I’m truly not the Hydro Archon,” Furina murmured to herself.

For a time. I do not know how long I can give you, my beloved Furina. But for your struggles, you have earned a respite. I will keep this burden from you for a time. But only for a time. One day, the stage will ask for your role once more. When that time comes, whatever you so choose to do, know that I still love you.

“Eh?” Furina sat up, reflexively covering herself and looking around. “Yennefer?” No answer. “Charlotte?” Silence. 

She looked around for a moment longer. That voice…it was eerily familiar. She had heard it before, but not for so long…no. Surely not. It couldn’t have been Focalors. She’s only spoken to Furina once, right at the beginning. But Furina had never forgotten that voice.

“I’m imagining things,” Furina said, laying back in the bath and closing her eyes. “It’s the stress. I’m finally breaking at last. Maybe I’ve gone totally insane, and I’m being locked up right now by the Garde.”

She didn’t think so though, but Furina let herself relax in the warm waters. Time enough for more troubles later. For now…she would just…be. 

Yennefer sat on her bed, phone in hand, tapping away. 

Hey, Cookie. You got time to chat? I’ve got a situation.

She put the phone down and busied herself with finding an old pair of sweats for Furina. They were close to the same height and of a similar petite build, so it wasn’t too hard. She heard her phone buzz and hastily picked it back up. 

Make it quick. War’s still on, even if the fighting’s died down, and there’s a major situation brewing.

Hastily, Yennifer typed her reply.  I found someone. Here’s the pic. Tell me what you think. 

She sent an image of Furina while she had been singing. It was grainy and compressed to fit on the phone’s tiny screen, but it was zoomed in on Furina’s face. 

This time, there was almost zero delay. The phone rang. 

“Holy fuck, Yen! Did you find her?” Cookie’s breathless voice gasped. 

“Let me guess. The Hydro Archon just showed up?” Yennifer asked, folding her arms over her chest to hug herself tightly. 

“Fucking yes! Not two hours ago, Sara Tengan popped out of a portal, and then like five minutes after that, the Dendro Dragon appeared out of a dream, then the goddamn Sim-uh, the Tone Deaf Bards flew in and told me what was up! Shit, Yen, France is on the shortlist! Where are you right now?!”

Sim? The Simurgh? No. That was silly. It had only been ten weeks since Mecca. “Well…I’m not sure. She swears she isn’t the Archon.”

“And Itul swears it wasn’t him who drank my last beer but I damn well know it was that big idiot. Gods damn it, Yen, who is she?!”

Yennifer took a deep breath. “...a scared, lost woman. But she is from Teyvat.”

“YES!” Yennifer could just see Cookie dancing in a little circle and pumping her fist. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do. I sent a contingent of knights, tell the Shogun and Nahida and we-”

“Katherine!” Yennifer barked. 

The line went silent. After a moment, Cookie said, “Ok. I’m listening.”

“I honestly don’t know who she is. Or what. But she swears up and down she isn’t the Archon. Merde, Cookie, she asked after someone called Elgeria and another called Focalors!” 

“Focalors is the Archon that we’re looking for,” Cookie confirmed. “Or Elgeria, actually, she was mentioned as the previous Hydro Archon. Although…”

“Although…?” Yennifer prompted. 

“Well, thing is, they said something about the constellation not being right for them,” Cookie admitted. “Fuck, I don’t know how much I should say, this line isn’t exactly secure.” 

“It’s fine, it’s the phone Amber gave me,” Yennifer said. “Secure Knight comms and all that.”

“Yeah, well, you’re in France, and Amber’s compromised,” Cookie sighed. “OK. You’re the woman on the ground. What’s your call, Yen?” 

“We monitor, and wait. And, well, offer to help her as much as we can,” Yennifer said, biting her lip and getting up to peer down the hall. Charlotte’s door was closed and the light was on, so she was probably editing a video or something. She crept down the hall and put the sweats by the bathroom door, but there was no sound from inside, so Furina was probably still just soaking. 

“Right, ok. And do you or do  you not have an Archon?” Cookie demanded bluntly. 

“I don’t…think so? Although…when she sang…Cookie, it was like when Venti sings. No, when Barbados sings. And when she cried, it rained. But…honestly, if she was doing anything, I don’t think it was intentional. She swears up and down she has no special powers, and honest to Barbados, Cookie, I believe her.” 

“Right. A woman from Teyvat appears in Paris, the place I was specifically told to look, at exactly the same time the Hydro Archon arrives, and you expect me to believe she’s just some random Jane Doe?” 

“Have any Hydro Visions begun to appear?” Yennifer asked, tiptoeing back to her room. 

“We’re looking into it. So far, no dice, but you know how it is. They’re awarded randomly and not very frequently. The most on record was like, a couple dozen on the whole planet in a 24 hour period, and that was a major outlier, probably because it was when Nahida was doing her whole ‘defeat an Endbringer and overthrow the dictator’ thing.”

“I see.” Yennifer stood and went to the window, pulling the curtain aside and looking out at the streets below. The rain had stopped, and the pavement shone black in the street lights. “Look, I’ll keep an eye on her. She calls herself Furina de Fontaine, and honestly, she sounds French, but like my aged grandmother. Or someone from the back end of beyond. At least when she’s not focusing.”

“I thought Venti was just a Bavarian Bohemian when I first met him, and he just made a whole damn mountain range and kicked the Fatui back to Moscow. So looks can be deceiving,” Cookie warned. 

Yennifer sighed and turned away. “True enough. But I’m going to need some help here, so as not to draw suspicion.”

“If it’s money I can increase your stipend, but not much. Funds are tight,” Cookie said with a heavy sigh. 

“That would help, but I was thinking of more official documents. Do you have someone who could…manufacture…a legal identity for my guest?” 

“Oh, that? Sure, easy. If she’s from the back end of beyond, a forged birth certificate and government-issued ID won’t be hard, and I can just ask Tessa to put her in the computers. All I need is a good-quality photo and her approximate age and build.” 

“She’s about 165 cm and 50 kilos. Light blue hair, blue mismatched eyes. Though I can probably get her to dye her hair blonde,” Yennifer said. “Could you get her contacts? To hide the pupils” 

“No problem at all, though sunglasses would do the trick too. Probably whip up some Tinkertech glasses that solve the problem easier than contacts. We’ll do both,” Cookie confirmed. “I’ll send it via courier tomorrow, you’ll have it by noon.”

“That quick?” Yennifer said with a smile. “All for your ex?” 

Cookie snorted. “I’m not doing it just for you, or because we dated. This is big, Yen. I’ll keep my eyes open, but I think you found the Hydro Archon. You alright if I inform our allies?” 

That took some thinking. Yennifer sat down on her bed and massaged her temple for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Yes. Venti’s still out of action, so tell the Bards, the Shogun, and definitely Nahida. We’ll have to keep this from the Ruskies, and the Americans. I don’t like the noises that the Protectorate has been making lately. And some of them, especially Eidolon, scare me.”

“You’re not the only one. You weren’t there when Alexandria tried to murder the Russian Princess. I mean, I get it, but damn. The Yanks are playing hard ball and they’re not taking having competition for being the only international big dog anymore well.”

“And how does it feel to be one of the international big dogs yourself, Cookie?” 

There was silence for a moment. Then a dry chuckle. “You know, I feel more like the big dog's minder than an actual heavyweight. Especially with my pooch taking a damn nap. I never really wanted this, Yen. And, well…I miss you. Us, I guess.”

“I thought you decided you were straight?” Yennifer said, and she couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. 

“Fuck, I don’t know. It’s just lonely sometimes. Yeah, I fucked a few dudes, and it was alright, but, well…sorry. Again. What I did wasn’t right.” 

“We were both young and dumb and figuring outselves out,” Yennifer sighed. She was forcing herself to be kind here. It had been years, and Venti had made it clear to her she’d never heal if she didn’t forgive. Even if finding out her girlfriend had slept with two guys while they were dating had been the worst day of her life. At least it hadn’t been Itul. “You’re not the first or the last girl to experiment in college.”

“Yeah, I just wish it hadn’t hurt you so bad. Fuck, I still blame myself for you triggering.”

“Well, we did team up for a bit, even if that turned into another disaster,” Yennifer sighed. That had probably been the second dumbest thing she’d ever done. “And it wasn’t just you. Though I will blame you for these useless ass powers. Putain. Would that I could have gotten a Vision, at least those are useful!” 

“They do come in handy, and without the psychic alien brain parasite,” Cookie said wryly. “Alright. I’ve got a lot to get done and so do you. But we’ll keep in touch. I’ll probably find an excuse to come visit. Shouldn’t be hard, there’s serious talks of actually forming a European Union now. More than just economic ties. Something to replace NATO and stand against the threat the Tsaritsa represents. She’s asleep now, but…”

“But the bear will wake up. And when she does, she’ll be pissed as hell,” Yennifer said grimly. “So you need me to make sure we have a back up Archon if that does happen.”

“Would be nice,” Cookie agreed. “Though I really hope we don’t have a second Tsaritsa on our hands.”

“That…doesn’t seem likely,” Yennifer said, thinking of how Furina wept on her chest and looking lost and confused. The Tsaritsa had announced herself by trying to freeze the world and battling Scion for dominance. Furina had announced herself by singing a song in a small Chinese diner. Rather a different scale. 

“Let’s hope not. Because the impression I get is that killing an Archon is a Bad Idea on the order of a world-ending catastrophe. At least from the hints Tessa dropped. So that’s off the table. Get some rest, Yen. I’ll take care of things.”

“Thank you,” Yennifer said. “Take care.”

“You too.” 

The line went dead, and Yennifer slumped back on her bed, arm over her face. What had she gotten herself into? Did she have an Archon on her hands? Or did she just have a poor lost girl?

It would be some time before she realized that it could be both. 

After nearly an hour in the bath, Furina exited and toweled herself off. She wrapped her hair and found the clothing. The top and bottom were of a bulky, shapeless, and comfortable fabric that wasn’t quite like anything she’d ever worn before. A look inside revealed a tag that said they were made of cotton, which Furina was familiar with, and something called ‘polyester.’ Whatever it was, it was rather cozy, if not terribly flattering. Not Furina was concerned about how she looked at this particular moment in time. 

“Hey,” a sleepy voice said, and Furina turned to see a yawning Charlotte silhouetted in the doorway of her room, light spilling around her in the darkened hallway. “You spending the night?” 

“Um…yes?” Furina ventured. She wasn’t entirely sure about that. Not that she had anywhere else to go, just that right now Furina wasn’t sure about anything at all. 

“Good, been too long since Yen had a girlfriend. Figured that’s what it was. She still thinks I don’t know she’s gay. Night.”

With that, Furina blinked several times as Charlotte closed the door and the light in her room flicked off. Wait. Girlfriend!? That wasn’t- Furina had never- she wasn’t even- Wait. Was she?

Romance was not something Furina had ever given herself any time whatsoever to explore. There had been moments where she’d felt a passing attraction to someone, but she’d slammed the door shut on those feelings hard from day one. The Archon did not take lovers. The god of Fontaine could not be involved in romantic scandals. That was not what the people wanted, and it would be nothing but a distraction.

Besides, after the first few decades, Furina had quickly realized that any potential romance would be horribly torpedoed by the fact that she was Cursed with eternal youth, and those around her were not. Only Neuvillette and the melusines were her constant companions and one of the few things that kept Furina’s sanity from tearing away completely as she lost those dear to her by the inexorable grinding of the ages. 

“Furina?”

She spun, red-faced, to see Yennifer dressed in similar garb to herself: bulky sweat pants, though hers were a deep maroon. 

“Feeling better?” Yennifer asked quietly, stepping forward to examine her. 

“Um, er…yes,” Furina admitted. “T-thank you. I know my story sounds unbelievable, but-”

“Believe it or not, I’ve met at least two other people from other worlds, and heard of more. It’s not as rare as you might think,” Yennifer said with a chuckle.

“Yes, I knew a pair of Travelers from another world as well,” Furina said softly, thinking of Aether and Lumine. “They wanted desperately to find a way home. For myself…I don’t know. I’m so exhausted.”

“Well, come to bed. We’ll have to share, but it’s a queen so it’s big enough for the both of us,” Yennifer yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. “It’s not that late, but I’m exhausted myself. I’m sure you could do with some rest.”

“Ah, yes,” Furina agreed, her mind racing. “Um, Charlotte seems to think we’re uh…involved.”

Yennifer stared at Furina sleepily for a moment, then it was her turn to flush bright red. She covered her face with her hands. “Oh God. Um, well, that wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with my little sister any time soon…I, am, um, that is…”

They both stood in the hallway awkwardly for a moment, until Yennifer lowered her hands and gave Furina a nervous smile. “Look, it’s not like that. You are quite beautiful, but, um, I’m not really looking for a girlfriend at the moment, and I assume you aren’t either.”

“No,” Furina said, feeling both a vast sense of relief and a twinge of disappointment. Maybe exploring a romance wouldn’t be so bad? But she really wasn’t ready for anything like that. Nor did she know if she would ever be.

It is not forbidden for the gods to take lovers, but it is rare. There were rumors that Beezelbul was involved with one of her retainers, a kitsune. I suspect they were true. But for myself, I never took a lover. You may choose your own path, Furina. But know that to love a mortal too dearly is to know pain. That is something you are already well acquainted with. 

Furina jumped and looked around, but Yennifer had turned her back and headed into her bedroom. There was that voice again. But it couldn’t be Focalors, could it? Furina didn’t know what all had happened, but something told her that Focalors hadn’t survived the prophecy either. Or, well, Furina obviously had, but she certainly wasn’t in Fontaine any longer either. Perhaps that was for the best. 

Nervously, Furina crept into Yennifer’s bedroom. The other woman was getting out an extra set of pillows from a closet, and tossing them on the bed. “We’ll sort out things in the morning more. I’m going to take a quick shower and brush my teeth. Don’t wait up.”

As Yennifer passed, Furina reached a hand out, grabbing the other woman’s sleeve. “Um…thank you…for helping me. I…I don’t have much…or anything, really…so thank you. I know you did this just out of the kindness of your heart, to take a stranger in…”

Yennifer smiled wearily, putting a hand on Furina’s shoulder. “I know what it’s like to be lost and alone in the world. Get some rest. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Ok,” Furina agreed. She lay down, hearing the sound of running water. The bed was soft and comfortable, and rather cozy. Furina tried to wait for Yennifer to return, but she soon drifted off to sleep. 

What felt like a moment later, Furina opened her eyes. She was standing upon a crystal clear lake at night, an endless sea of stars above her. 

Where am I? What’s happening?

She turned about, and found a woman in a white dress seated upon an alabaster throne, a sword across her lap, a white strip of cloth over her eyes.

Focalors! Furina cried, but her lips made no sound. When she looked down at her hands, she found that she was as translucent as the waters. 

What is this? A dream? 

Furina looked up, and beheld a shape rising from the depths.  It formed into a woman made of water, holding forth a small sphere in her hand. Suddenly, the hydro woman took the sphere and threw it away from herself, and struck a confident pose “No more will I be the puppet of a dead god! I will forge my own path! The stars shall be my guide, and I will forever lead mankind to a new future!” 

The woman spun about, and a new shape formed, identical to the first in some ways, but unlike the other, this one clutched at her head and wept piteously, drops of water detaching from her face and falling to the ground. “Gods help me, what am I going to do!? The path was false, the path was wrong! I’ve led them all astray! Please, can’t I just return to my own time?! I don’t understand any of this! How can I cast aside my path, when I am just a stupid girl!? And yet…I must…”

The Hydro Archon lifted her sword from her lap, tapping the blade on the shoulders of the two women, who merged into one form, hands uplifted to the heavens. 

Lost and alone, you dance upon the stage of the world, refusing to let Fate’s strings bind you.

Your Ambition is for Salvation, and your dream of the past only you remember; yet your eyes look forward. 

Though Heaven smites you, you will not bow your head: You meet your doom with laughter.

Let your Vision Guide you, Daughter of Prophecy 

A glowing star fell from the heavens, falling into the watery woman’s hands. For a brief moment, she solidified into a young, dark-haired woman with olive skin, dressed in men’s clothing. Then she vanished, replaced by flickering stars, that together formed the shape of an eight set in glass. Then, the stars returned to the heavens.

You’re granting Visions?! Furina gasped. She had never seen this before, but knew what it had to be. The Archon was recognizing mortal ambition, granting them a Vision. Then, the new Allogen took their place amongst the heavens as a new constellation, a beacon for mortals to find a way forward, even against fate. Oh, Focalors, I can’t believe it! How could anyone have ever thought someone like me was an Archon like you?

The seated Archon lowered her sword, pointing to a stone set at the base of her throne. Furina leaned forward to examine it. There, she read,

Furina de Fontaine. God of Justice. Hydro Archon.

Shocked, Furina looked up, just in time to see the other woman raise her blindfold. She grinned at Furina, who stepped back in shock. 

It was herself seated on that throne.

What is this?! I don’t understand! I’m not the Hydro Archon! Furina tried to wail, but her voice was silent as before. 

This is a vision of what has not yet come to pass. Time is a river, and the God of Waters is its boatwoman. See, Furina. See, my daughter. See what may become. What must become. 

Furina spun about, and found Focalors, dressed in the same gown she had worn when they had met, standing before her. I don’t understand! What is happening?! Your daughter?! What do you even mean!? 

Focalors reached out, touching Furina’s insubstantial cheek. I do not know what questions you will ask. Not even my Hydromancy is that strong. But know this, Furina. I am proud of you. Though I may be gone, I will forever be with you, for we are one.

I…I don’t…what are you trying to tell me!?  Furina pleaded. 

Focalors leaned in and kissed Furina’s forehead. Rest. This future has not yet come to pass. For now, sleep. I love you, my beloved daughter.

The vision faded, and Furina was wrapped in the warm embrace of a restful, dreamless sleep. 

PHILO: Furina deserves all the hugs. All of them.

The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 1

Animula Choragi 1: Vissi d'arte

Water washed over Furina, hiding her tears, and despite herself, she sucked in one final breath. So it was over. She had failed. Five hundred years of torment, and all for naught. She’d played upon the grandest stage, and in the end, the Prophecy had still come true. 

Something within her began to dissolve into the waters, as her form merged with her tears. So I will dissolve back into the Primordial Sea like the rest. In the end, I was just a mortal. What folly, to think I could play the role of a god…

A wave of power hit her, and Furina tried to gasp, only to find she had no lungs to breathe. She opened her eyes. Before her, floating in the water, was a mirror, with her reflection staring back at her. Only… it was slightly different. The woman in the glass was wearing a long white dress that showed off her non-existent bust, and her hair was longer and held back in only a loose braid. Furina blinked, and her reflection started in shock. Slowly, the reflection put her hand up to the mirror, tilting her head to one side.

Furina? That voice…was it hers? It sounded a bit like her, but richer and more regal.

Hesitating for a moment, Furina slowly mimicked the gesture, placing her own gloved hand against the mirror. 

No, not like that, I think. Reach out, my child. You’ve done so well.

How can you say that? Furina demanded silently as she withdrew her hand to hug herself. I’ve failed! They’re dead! All dead! First those poor girls, then all those people in Poisson, and now, all of Fontaine! I’ve failed completely! I’m as useless as they say!

Oh, Furina. Open your eyes. See. 

Gentle hands reached out, passing through the mirror, and cupping Furina’s cheeks. She started in shock, her eyes flying open. The apparition's hands were strangely warm, tenderly brushing away Furina’s tears. Tenderly but firmly, the woman turned Furina’s gaze away from the mirror to behind her. She started in surprise, her jaw dropping open. 

A great ship, captained by Wriothesley, churned atop the waves, retrieving men, women, children, and schools, great schools of people from the waves. Navia led a flotilla of smaller boats as the Spina de Rosula did the same thing, rescuing Furina’s people from the depths. The twins and Paimon zipping over the waves, the strangers from afar lifting up survivors to place them on their little boat, while the tiny fairy gave out blankets and food. 

And above it all, Neuvillette, his head bowed, hands resting on his cane. 

“Your sins… are forgiven,” he whispered. He looked up, a pained gleam in his eye as a single tear traced its way down his cheek. “You should have seen this, Furina. It was your most magnificent performance.”

Stunned, Furina watched as she floated below the surface of the water. She was incredulous at first, but even as she floundered, unable to fully comprehend the success of her actions, a giddy sense of joy overwhelmed her. She had won! She laughed and cried, doing a little jig in the water and twirling about.

I did it! I actually did it! Oh, Focalors, if only you could see me now! Your plan worked! Your people are saved! 

Yes. I am sorry, Furina. 

Furina turned back to the apparition, starting in shock. Instead of the woman in a dress, she saw only an oceanid, floating within the mirror, a crown upon its head. When Furina looked down at her hands, she saw only watery tendrils, and she realized she was nothing more than an oceanid herself now. 

Of course. My purpose is complete. Perhaps, now, at last, I can rest. Furina thought to herself, closing her eyes and letting herself drift upon the current. 

Is this what you truly wanted, my daughter? The voice in the mirror asked softly. 

Yes, Furina said, but after a moment, softly admitted, but… I think… just once… I would have liked to just be me… if only for a little while. 

She closed her eyes, and felt her body, now made solely of Hydro energy, slowly dissolving into the waters of the Primordial Sea. She had bought salvation for her beloved Fontaine, but at a price. Still, she was just a worthless girl, an actor upon the stage, nothing more. Who even was Furina de Fontaine really? 

Why don’t we find out? The gentle voice whispered. 

Wouldn’t that be nice? But it’s only an illusion, washed away in the rains…

Everything swept away, and Furina knew nothing for a time, perhaps an eternity, or maybe only a moment. 

Then, she felt a drop of rain on her face. 

Startled, she opened her eyes, shocked that she had eyes again. Above her stretched grey clouds, from which rain had just begun to fall. She blinked in shock as the water touched her face, and lifted her trembling hand to wipe it away. 

"C'est qui cette nana ? Elle sort d'où ?"

“Comment tu veux que je le sache ? On dirait une cape... T'approche pas.”

Voices spoke all around her, and Furina sat up, looking around her with eyes growing ever wide her. She was sitting on a metal bench of some sort, a gravel path before her, with a lake stretching out in front of her, the surface rippling as the rain fell on it. A couple was passing by her, whispering, and looking sideways at Furina. 

"Merde il pleutt ! Allez, on se casse."

“T’as vu d'où elle venait? C'est comme si elle était arrivée de nulle part.”

Their language was odd, as were their clothes. The style was nothing like that of Fontaine, with the designs rather simple, and the woman’s long pants clinging to her form rather tightly. It was flattering on her figure, but rather shocking, and with none of the frills or buttons that Furina was used to seeing. The man was dressed in a jacket with stripes and an odd logo, with symbols on it that Furina thought were words, but she couldn’t understand. 

"Il faudrait peut-être appeler la police ou les Mousquetaires ?"

"Chut! Elle nous regarde !"

The couple was walking away rapidly now, and Furina saw a mother hastily shepherding her children away from where they’d been feeding the waterfowl, shooting frightened looks at Furina all the while. Their clothes were equally odd, as were their hairstyles. The woman had some sort of odd device she’d pulled out and was putting to her ear, even as her little girl pulled at her hand and pointed. 

“Maman, maman, regarde ! C'est une héroine ! Est-ce-que elle est comme Ami, la Princesse de la Foudre ?”

Timidly, Furina raised a hand and waggled her fingers at the girl, who eagerly waved frantically back, a huge grin blooming on her face. Her mother, however, tugged on her hand even harder, trying to speak into that little box and herd her daughter and juggle a toddler in the crook of her arm as well. 

Wincing, Furina turned back around. Wherever she was, apparently they’d already heard she was a fraud and a charlatan. She took a few moments to get her bearings, just enjoying the sensation of the cold rain upon her skin. She even took off her hat, turning her face up to the sky, letting the water splash upon her cheeks. 

I’m sorry I cannot give you more. For now, this is the best I can do. Remember: I’ll always be with you. 

“Eh?” Furina stood, looking around, but there was no sign of anyone near her. The park was rapidly emptying out as the rain intensified, and the people who had seen her were moving away from her as fast as they could. Furina even went so far as to kneel down and check under the bench, as silly as that was. She even got her knees wet and scuffed on the gravel for nothing, however, as there was no one there. 

A sudden sense of vertigo struck Furina, and she collapsed back into the bench, one hand going to her chest as she struggled to breathe for a moment. Sensations and images rushed through her mind, a torrent of sudden knowledge and power. She could feel the rain. Sense it falling through the sky, landing on the ground, forming into puddles, into streams, into little rivers. She could sense the lake, feel how artificial it was, formed by human hands, but still containing the power of fresh water within it. 

And more. She could feel the distant tug of larger bodies of water, impressions of lakes, rivers, and even the vast and endless deep. It was all too much, and she cried out in pain, clutching her head in her hands. 

“Enough! Please, enough! I don’t want this! I just want to be Furina!”

If that is your wish…

It all stopped. Even the rain, which suddenly petered out, the clouds overhead slowly breaking up. Furina sat there, soaked to the bone and gasping for breath, her eyes wide as she tried to fathom what had just happened to her. What was going on? Where was she? What had that… feeling been?! It didn’t make any sense!

"Bonjour ! C'est une bien belle journée aujourd'hui, non ?"

With a start, Furina looked up to see a smiling face looking down at her, green eyes framed by bright red hair. She jerked back, putting a hand to her chest. “Charlotte?! What are you doing here?”

The other woman tilted her head to one side, standing up from where she had been leaning down to put her face in front of Furina’s. She was dressed in form-fitting red clothes that showed off her tight and muscled belly, as well as a modest bosom that Furina still envied. Even after 500 years, she still wasn’t over what nature had denied her. Not that she’d ever had time for that sort of thing, but, well, to say she had several insecurities was to say that the Marechaussee Phantom employed a few melusines. 

"Charlotte ? Ce n'est pas mon nom désolée et je ne comprends pas ce que vous dite. Parlez-vous Français ? Ou English au pire ?"the woman said, cocking her head to one side and giving a small smile smile. She said something else, but Furina was slowly realizing something. 

She could understand the woman.

“You’re not Charlotte,” Furina said slowly, carefully enunciating the words in this new language that was similar to Fontainian, but subtly different. “But you want to know if I speak…what was it? Angle-ash? I’m afraid I don’t know what a French is.” 

The other woman laughed, showing off a bright and cheery smile, the antlers on her head bobbing up and down slightly. “Well, you’re speaking it right now! Though you do sound like a bumpkin. Where are you from? Somewhere in Aquitaine? The Loire Valley?” 

“From Fontaine. I’m… I’m Furina de Fontaine,” she said, and held her breath, not knowing what would happen.

“Fontaine? Never heard of it! Are you feeling alright? I was just out for a jog, and everyone was talking about a strange young woman appearing. Are you a cape? Or in some sort of legal trouble?”

“I… may need legal assistance,” Furina said slowly, picking up her bedraggled hat from beside herself on the bench and frowning at it. A role. This woman was expecting something. She hadn’t reacted at all to the name ‘Furina de Fontaine.’ So, she was far away from Fontaine. She needed to play a role, to find out what was going on.  “I am… somewhat new in town. I don’t suppose you could direct me to, ah, the nearest… theater?”

“Ah, so you’re an actor!” the other woman chuckled. “I see! Well,  you gave everyone quite a fright. They said you appeared on that bench out of nowhere and dressed up like that, well…”

“Ah, well, I do a bit of stage magic,” Furina said, standing up and settling her hat on her head. “One has to keep one’s skills up to snuff, of course. What was your name, again?”

“That depends, is there cape trouble, or legal trouble?” the other woman asked, her green eyes suddenly flashing with amusement. Furina studied her, but she didn’t see a Vision on her. These capes…were they players of some sort? Actors, or fighters? People had seemed worried about that… well, she didn’t know anything about these ‘capes’ but she did know a great deal about the law.

“Legal trouble. My last employer… well, let us say that we did not part on the best of terms,” Furina hedged. 

Quick as a flash, the other woman whipped out a card and pressed it into Furina’s hands. It had bright red lettering on a cream-colored background and had the image of a deer’s horn wrapped in flames on it. 

“In that case, I’m Yennefer Lustitia! Attorney at Law! I represent clients in all kinds of cases! I actually handle a lot of employment law. You wouldn’t believe how many parahumans and Vision Holders have trouble with employers. Everything from discrimination in the workplace, to unlawful termination, to the withholding of wages…I think I can help you out!” 

“Er, yes, that sounds helpful,” Furina agreed, studying the card. She could read the words on it, to her shock, even though the characters looked nothing like modern Teyvan script, or the more ancient runes early Fontainians had used. 

Yennefer Lustita, Practicing Attorney 

Specializing in representing Capes of all kinds.

If you need a lawyer, call upon the Antlers of Justice!

“Why don’t you come with me to my office? It’s just a short bus ride away,” Yennefer offered, gesturing broadly into the distance, through the trees and along the gravel path. “I know it’s not glamorous, but being a part-time knight and part-time lawyer doesn’t pay as well as I might like.” 

“Ah, yes, of course, I’ve always thought they should pay public servants more,” Furina said with a titter. A knight? Yennifer didn’t have a sword or a vision, but the clothes she wore did seem to be made for exercise, and it would make sense for a knight to be training. 

“Yes, well, we make do with what we have, don’t we? So, tell me about your troubles,” Yennefer prompted as they walked along the path towards what sounded like a road with heavy traffic of some kind. 

“Oh, well, you know, it’s a similar story to what I’m sure you’ve heard before,” Furina said by way of trying to say as little with as many words as possible as she stalled for time. “I was living out in the countryside, keeping much to myself, occasionally doing a few small performances with some of the skills I’d picked up…and I…I…”

Furina swallowed and very nearly missed a step. Great vehicles emitting some sort of horrendous-smelling fumes were puttering by, in a myriad of shapes and sizes. People were just walking along the side of the road, ignoring them, and she could see that there were more people inside. Since no one else was paying any attention to them, she did her best to pay them no heed, along with, well... everything else. 

Now that they were out of the trees, Furina realized they’d been in a park of some sort. There were all sorts of buildings in the distance, some of them truly enormous. She’d thought the Opera Epiclese was about as large as it was possible for a building to be, but unless she was very much mistaken, she could see dozens of behemoths of glass and metal that dwarfed it in the distance, and a dozen more close by that were much larger than the vast majority of Fontainian constructions were. 

“... I decided to move to the big city, since there was no real opportunity in the countryside,” Furina declared, giving a theatrical sigh. “I packed what little possessions I had, since my former employer stiffed me on my last paycheck, and came here, hoping to seek my fortunes at the theater.”

This had to be a big city. It looked enormous, and the number of people splashing through the puddles and hurrying along the streets was shocking. One of them, a man with his hands shoved in his pockets, a few days' growth of dark stubble on his cheeks, and an incredibly foul-smelling thing of some kind dangling from his lips, leered at Furina and Yennefer. 

“Ah, such pretty girls! Why don’t you stop playing at being capes, and come have a drink at the cafe with me?” he said with a wink. 

 “I do not make a habit of consorting with those lacking manners, nor do I make myself friendly to men whose breath would offend even a vishap,” Furina sniffed, tilting her chin up in disdain. 

“Ah, if you see such a lout, let me know, I will chase him off!” the man declared, spreading his arms wide. “And what could be sweeter than a shared cigarette over wine? Come, bring your pretty friend too, you might need her if there is a case for sexual harassment.”

“Perhaps you have time to drink wine and ruin your lungs in the middle of the day, but some of us have work to do,” Yennefer said with an equally disdainful sniff. “Run along, or I’ll light more than your cigarette for you, connard.” 

The man called after them, but Furina and Yennefer hurried along, most of the other people giving them a wide berth, though most of the men still leered at them. 

“Disgusting pig,” Furina muttered, shaking her head in distaste. “Most men have better manners than to come on to one such as I so directly.”

“Oh? Were you someone of note in your small town? I’m afraid the men in Paris are a boorish lot, and wouldn’t find any country fame to be anything but something of interest to notch on their bedposts,” Yennefer commented. 

Cold sweat washed over Furina, and realized she made a horrible mistake. She was still playing the role of Focalors, as she did as naturally as breathing, and had done for hundreds of years. But she wasn’t Focalors, the God of Justice, Hydro Archon. The Prophecy had been duped, and Furina had taken her final bow upon the stage of Fontaine. Wherever she was now, she wasn’t playing the Hydro Archon now. She was just Furina. 

The only problem was, she didn’t quite know who Furina was. 

“Ha ha, oh, you know I jest. Surely a woman such as yourself must put up with insufferable louts who leer at you all day. Most consider me rather plain, and well, lacking in womanly attributes,” Furina said, gesturing self-deprecatingly to her rather modest, or well, entirely absent, curves. 

“Ah ha, I think you underestimate yourself, and the Parisian appetite for beauty! You are a fine-looking woman, I am certain that many will come to see your performances!” 

Blushing, Furina looked away. She’d been deemed “cute” by the Steambird and other publications, consistently ranking amongst the “most adorable members of society” and nearly at the top of those lists, save for the few biased in favor of Sigewinne. Not that Furina minded, she found the little nurse of Meropide to be completely charming herself, and she’d never thought she was particularly good-looking. Especially not with her horrible eye, which at least typically identified her as the Archon. 

 “Well, one must cultivate one’s good looks as they can, but attracting bottom feeders such as that was never my intention. I’d sooner kiss a blubberbeast than a ruffian like him. But tell me, I am new to Paris. I’ve heard stories of course, but what is it really like?” 

Yennifer seemed happy enough to chatter away until they came to a sign with the word “BUS” atop it, and various numbers that utterly baffled Furina along the sides. People were standing on the sidewalk as more of those odd vehicles went by at frighteningly fast speeds, some of them waiting under a little shelter close by, others talking with friends or looking at various publications. One young man was tapping away with his thumbs at one of those odd little boxes, while a woman had one to her ear and was talking into it. A communication device of some sort? Furina hadn’t seen anything like it before, but this was clearly a strange land. 

Furina chatted with Yennifer, doing the best to deflect any questions with jokes or vague answers, and trying to get as much information without looking she was probing as she possibly could. She had a lot of experience with it, and she had Yennifer talking about the “French Legal System.” It sounded rather fascinating, and didn’t really work at all like the Opera Epiclese had.

Though Neuvillete was the Iudex and the Maison Ordaile was responsible for writing all the laws, in her role as Focalors, Furina had carefully researched every law on the books of Fontaine, even the particularly obscure or silly ones. She knew how everything worked, from how the Garde enforced the law, to how investigations of the Marechaussee Phantom played out, and of course, how cases were tried and prosecuted. She had, of course, acted as prosecutor and defense herself on many occasions, either for cases she found especially dramatic, or when one had particularly roused her rather overdeveloped sense of justice. 

Play a role long enough, and you started to become it, after all.

After only a few minutes, a particularly large vehicle with a bored-looking driver pulled up to the curb, and the doors hissed open. Several people got out of one door, and many of the waiting people began to board through another.

“That’s our bus! Come on,” Yennifer said, and stepped aboard. However, as she made to follow, Furina noted that people were either showing some sort of pass to the bus driver or dropping some change into a box. 

Hanging back slightly, Furina made a great show of patting herself down, as if searching for a wallet. That was, of course, pure fabrication. Furina didn’t carry something so base as actual mora with her. She’d made the mistake of attempting to pay for things only very early in her career. People had been either offended or suspicious when she had, as by their logic, gods didn’t pay for things. So, naturally, she just ordered people to give her whatever she wanted, or simply took it and if they looked concerned, told them to bill the Palise Mermona. Neuvillette and her staff handled such things. 

She did feel guilty about it, and did her best to control her spending. The one area she let herself indulge in was sweets and pastries, and she consoled herself that businesses competed fiercely to be able to say that Furina de Fontaine had sampled their confections, and chefs from as far away as Inazuma had come to prepare her daily delicacies. She did still have to go on occasional overly indulgent shopping trips, of course. She had a reputation to maintain, and naturally, all of Fontaine looked to their Archon as the trendsetter. Her current outfit was only a few months old, and she’d have had to get a new one made in a new style shortly, just to maintain appearances. 

…She wouldn’t have to do that anymore though. None of that now, actually. There was no need to play a facade now that the play was over. She could… Well, she supposed she could still go buy sweets and pastries. What would it be like to actually pay for something?

“Oh, goodness, I must have dropped my wallet, I’ll have to go back and look for it, I’ll meet you-” Furina began, but Yennefer grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the bus, dropping some change into the box as the driver glared sullenly at them and pulled on that horrible cigarette in his mouth. Such things could not be good for one's health, and it really did smell vile. In fact, the whole bus stank of unwashed bodies and that wretched smoke, making Furina want to gag slightly. 

“You didn’t have a wallet with you, and there was none on that bench you were sitting on,” Yennefer said, pushing Furina into the seat closest to the window then sitting down herself. Furina paled slightly and opened her mouth to come up with a story, but Yennefer gave her a pitying look. “You don’t have any money, do you?”

“No,” Furina said, her voice very small as she shrank in on herself. 

“Spent all of it on that costume?” Yennefer asked with a heavy sigh. “That looks custom, and expensive.”

Horrendously so, Monsieur Jaques le Couturier himself had designed the outfit, and his services ordinarily ran into the millions of mora. Furina knew for a fact that he hadn’t charged a single mora for it, as he’d been begging her to wear another of his outfits for three years, and that Jaque had seen a tenfold increase in sales from the day Furina had premiered the outfit, which had been, of course, when Lumine and Aether had arrived in Fontaine. She’d heard about their coming, and what they’d done in the other regions in their quest for a way home. 

The moment that Lumine had eagerly agreed to face Furina in combat had been her biggest fright in centuries. Aether had just looked bored at the prospect, but that deadly gleam in that Outlander’s eye… perhaps the rumors that the Travelers had faced the Raiden Shogun herself in a duel were true after all. 

“... yes. I…I realized too late I shouldn’t have bought it, but by then my last coin was spent, and that wicked salesman was already laughing at having deceived an ignorant country bumpkin,” Furina said, putting just the right amount of scorn and shame that a duped peasant who’d been tricked into buying finery would have. “They are such lovely clothes though…”

Yennefer shook her head and put a hand on Furina’s shoulder. When Yennefer spoke, her accent was subtly different, and it had a distinctly unrefined quality to it. “It’s OK, I get it. I’m from Ribeauvillé in Alsace myself. More than one city slicker looked down their nose at me and tried to have one over on me before I figured things out. You really are from far out in the sticks, aren’t you?”

“Would you believe that before I came to Paris, I had never ridden on a bus before?” Furina said with a sheepish grin. It was true enough: While she had, of course, ridden on water buses, they were nothing like this. 

“Well, it’s all the more important that we recover your lost wages then!” Yennefer declared, folding her arms over her chest and grinning. “Trust me, I’m an expert at that.”

“I… don’t know if that will be possible,” Furina said carefully, her mind stretching back to various rather boring and trite disputes she’d heard at the Opera before. “There was no formal contract, only a verbal agreement, and I think I violated that regardless by not giving sufficient notice to my employer that I was quitting to come to Paris. Plus, it’s rather far away, and I doubt that whatever we could recover would even be worth your fee.”

“Ah. That does make things difficult,” Yennefer admitted, frowning and leaning back in her seat. “I don’t like it when people try and cheat others just because they’re a parahuman. You are a parahuman, aren’t you?”

“M-maybe?” Furina squeaked. She really had no idea what a parahuman even was, and she hadn’t picked up nearly enough context to figure it out yet. 

That earned her a frown from Yennefer. “You know, someone like us, who has powers. Not a Vision, of course, but most Vision Holders don’t have obvious physiological signs like you. Plus, I’ve never seen one with a teardrop symbol like you have in your eye. Are your powers water based?”

Furina blinked at Yennefer, then against her will, a giggle escaped her lips. Then next thing she knew, she was clutching herself, crying hysterically at the same time as she laughed uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face. 

Even here. She found herself in a strange land where people didn’t even know who Furina de Fontaine was, and even here, they expected that she had some sort of incredible powers, and water based ones no less. The truth, of course, was as tragic as always. 

“So, uh, is that a yes? Or a no?” Yennefer asked, frowning at Furina with obvious concern, and clearly more than a little offended. 

“I, I am sorry,” Furina hiccuped, drawing out one of her lace hankies and trying futilely to clean herself up. Her makeup was running everywhere, there was snot dripping out of her nose, and her cheeks were now red and puffy, and she was willing to bet her right eye was bloodshot while the left had gone all swollen and stormy.  “It’s just…my whole life, people have been assuming that because of my eye, I did have some sort of strange powers. But it’s nothing but a curse. A twisted birthmark fate cursed me with.”

“Oh! I am sorry. I’m, ah, sensitive about such things,” Yennefer admitted, touching her horns absently with one hand. 

“Ah, that. Are you some sort of er…” she wracked her mind for a phrase. In Fontaine, she would have been called Beast Blooded, but that was often used as a derogatory term for those who lacked purely human ancestry. She vaguely recalled hearing of a woman from Liyue who had antlers, and was a practitioner of the law, and ventured, “Adeptus?” 

“Is that what you call parahumans? You’ve looked at me like a poleaxed cat every time I say the word,” Yennefer said with some amusement back in her tone. “And yes, I am a parahuman. I triggered some years back after a friend and I had, well, a bit of a falling out. It was a dark time in my life, but I came through it!”

“Ah, yes, well, I’m afraid unless simply having an oddly colored eye makes one a parahuman, I am not. I have no extraordinary powers, unless you count being the most charming and talented performer in the history of Fontaine,” Furina said, forcing a laugh at the end. 

“Well, I’m sure your little village is very charming, and has produced many talented actresses. Ah, we’re here!” Yennefer declared, and sprang out of her seat, ushering Furina off the bus before her. 

They were in another part of the city, with yet more great buildings all around them. There were a great many people on the sidewalks, and Furina took a moment to look around, trying her hardest not to appear like the ignorant out-of-towner she so painfully was. 

“My office is on the third floor, but when was the last time you ate?” Yennefer asked, nodding to a building half a block away. 

“I…” Furina’s mind blanked on that. When was the last time she’d eaten? She’d felt too sick to eat since she’d heard about Possone, and after that, everything had moved so quickly. 

As if to betray her, her stomach gurgled at just that moment, so loudly that Furina blushed furiously and prayed that Yennefer hadn’t heard it. 

“That long, huh?” the other woman laughed, clapping Furina on the back. “There’s a wonderful Chinese place on the bottom floor, why don’t we stop there and have a bite first.”

“You’re sure?” Furina asked hesitantly. “You’ve already been so kind, I don’t have any way to repay you…”

“Ah, it’s fine! One of the duties of the Musketeers is to see to the well-being of all the citizens of France! And what sort of hero would I be if I let a damsel in distress wither away without my help?” Yennefer said, taking Furina’s arm and guiding her towards a building with a sign that depicted some sort of fire-breathing bear of some kind holding a pepper of some kind, with characters that read “Wanmin Restaurant.”

An oddly distorted warble played as they entered inside, and a young woman with dark Liyue features popped up from behind a counter. “Hello! Welcome to Waimin Restaurant! How many for your table today?”

“Hello,” Furina said absently, looking around at the various tables and decorations. There were lots of black and white bears, along with dragons and various banners that declared good luck and good food to be had. “Just two of us, I think.”

“Hey, Ling! It’s just me and a friend,” Yennefer said, coming in behind Furina. She frowned at Furina slightly, which made her wilt. Had she said something wrong?

“Yenny!” Ling said happily, hurrying out from behind the counter with two menus. She was dressed in an apron with a red blouse and those tight blue pants everyone seemed to wear, her short hair pulled back in two curved braids behind her head. She kissed Yen on the cheek, which was returned by the other woman. Apparently, they knew each other well.  “My favorite customer! I have some special ingredients today! Think you can handle them? How about you, my new friend!” 

“Oh, I’m sure it will be delicious, I’m famished,” Furina said with a smile. “What do you recommend?” It was always best to ask a chef what they recommended, they almost always knew best. 

“I have some slime condensate, imported fresh from Germany, along with whopper flower petals! I’ve been using them to make a special new sauce! Wanna try it!?” Ling asked excitedly, coming right up to Furina, her eyes sparkling. 

“Er, that does sound…exotic,” Furina said uncertainly. “I’ve never had slime condensate and whooper flower petals before… uh, since this is my first time at your establishment, perhaps a more conventional dish? What do you recommend, Yennefer?” 

Yennefer gave Furina a blank look, which was rather puzzling. She’d been watching Furina while she spoke, and she just drifted off? That didn't seem like Yennefer from the brief time Furina had known her. 

Ling laughed. “She doesn’t speak Chinese! What do you think, Yenny? Wanna try my slime and whooper flower sauce?”

With a start, Furina suddenly realized that Ling had started off speaking a completely different language to her, but then switched halfway through back to French. Her empty stomach sank all the way down to her knees when Furina realized she’d been chattering away in Chinese, responding to a greeting Ling had given her. The exact words were… Ni Hao? But, how had she done that? She spoke Teyvan and Fontainain of course, but she was only passable in other languages, never having been very interested in learning them, as there was only time for her endless pursuit of foiling the prophecy.

Which you did. You succeeded. It’s over. 

“I think I’ll pass. We’ll have the lunch special. I’m more fond of vegetarian dishes myself, how does the vegetarian mapo tofu sound?” 

“Wonderful,” Furina said, trying and failing not to blush at her little slip. As a country bumpkin, Furina most assuredly did not speak Chinese or any other languages aside from French. 

Ling agreed, looking rather dejected at the refusal of her insane culinary offering, but shouted to the back, “DAD! TWO VEGGIE MAPO TOFUS! MAKE IT AUTHENTIC, THIS ONE ACTUALLY SPEAKS CHINESE!”

“Oh, we got a customer from back home?” a middle-aged man with a clean-shaven face and lots of smile lines around his eyes stuck his head out of the back, and he spied Furina sitting with Yennefer, the only customer in the restaurant at the moment. “Her? She’s got blue hair, but she looks like a foreigner. What makes you think she speaks Chinese?”

“I, ah, I have always been very interested in other languages,” Furina said, giving the man a hesitant wave. “Though, er, if by ‘authentic’ you mean ‘extra spicy…’ I would beg that you be gentle with me. I am afraid my tolerance for such things is somewhat lacking.”

She didn’t have to try. She just thought ‘This man’s tongue’ and she was speaking Chinese, or whatever this language was, as easily as she did Fontainian, or, well French now for that matter. When had she picked up such a facility with languages? 

A god speaks to the soul of the mortal, not to their mind. To us, the tongues of men are as trivial as breathing. 

Where had that thought come from? If there was one thing Furina had learned in five hundred years, it was that she was no god. 

“You speak many languages?” Yennefer asked casually, and this time, Furina caught what she really said. Du sprichst viele Sprachen?

Now to gamble. That language somehow made Furina think of Mondstadt. And, well, Mondstadt shared a border with Fontaine…and French reminded her of Fontainian. So, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for Furina to know it, but was Aquitaine near Germany? A compromise. 

“Ich spreche es wenig. Chine lerne ich fleißig, als…als… er…Erholung?” Furina said, stumbling over the words and mangling the pronunciation slightly. “Mein Onkel, er hatte ein paar Bücher.”

“Not too bad,” Yennefer said, relaxing slightly. “Too bad you don’t speak Japanese. There are tons of legal documents that need translating to and from Japanese these days with how much they’ve taken over the manufacturing sector.” 

“I’m afraid that escapes me, but I’ve always had a knack for languages. Perhaps with a little study I could learn,” Furina offered.

“Here’s your tea and soup!” Ling said happily, setting a steaming hot tray down on the table with two small bowls with what smelled like a delicious egg soup, and a small teapot and two cups. 

“Thank you,” Furina said, making herself say “Merci” instead of “Xiexie.” 

“Thanks be to Barbados, let’s eat!” Yennefer said happily, picking up a bowl of soup. She paused, eyeing Furina, who realized she was giving the other woman a wounded look. “What? Don’t tell me you’re not religious.” 

“Er, no, I just, well, I’m more traditional,” Furina sputtered. “I didn’t realize that the Church of Favonius had spread to this land.” 

Really. Barbatos, instead of Focalors? In the past, she’d felt extremely awkward when people had said prayers to her, but for some reason, this felt…wrong. Like she should be the one receiving this woman’s prayers. That was silly. 

“Favonius is what we knights are called, the Church is Barbados” Yennefer corrected, sipping some soup out of her spoon.

“Er, yes, quite,” Furina agreed, letting it pass. Maybe it wasn’t the same religion, after all. This place hardly seemed like Mondstadt, and the Favonians weren’t exactly evangelical. 

“So, you’re the good sort of girl who goes to mass every day and twice on Sunday?” Yennefer teased as Furina began to inhale her soup. It really was absolutely delicious, and she was starving. 

“Mmm, not quite,” Furina said, resisting the temptation to run her finger along the inside of the bowl and lick it. She wasn’t normally a fan of savory dishes, but this was quite good. The tea wasn’t bad either. “I, ah, well, I did grow up rather religious, but, well, I’m trying to leave that life behind me. I’ve had enough to do with gods for now, I think.”

Mass? What did the weight of something have to do with religion? 

“Well, let me tell you, the Church of Barbados is way more fun! It’s not very popular in France, but I was in the war, and you did see the Tone Deaf Bards in Eurovision, didn’t you?” 

Furina gave Yennefer a pained smile and shook her head. What war? Tone deaf bard? Hadn’t Paimon made some reference to a Tone Deaf Bard from Mondstadt? Surely it couldn’t be the same person. 

“Seriously!? At least tell me you’ve heard some of their songs! No!? What kind of music do you listen to, then?”

“Ah, well, I enjoy the opera,” Furina said, wincing slightly when Yennefer gave her a disbelieving look. “It’s true! I wanted to become an opera singer!”

“Really? Can you sing?” Yennefer asked dubiously, scraping the bottom of her bowl with her spoon.

That actually offended Furina. “What?! Of course I can sing! I told you, I’m an actress! I’ve been trained by the best!” When Yennefer gave her an indulgent smile, Furina harrumped and stood up, putting one foot onto her chair. “I’ll prove it to you!” 

A song came to her, a performance by a small theater troop some months back. She’d been looking forward to more from them, until their director had been one of the girls to go missing. That made Furina tear up slightly, and she closed her eyes, stretching one hand forward. 

If I could only return to the water's embrace

Wouldn't the world be a lovelier place?

Dear Mother, would you be able to forgive?

Her memory of the play came back to her, and Furina felt the passion of the Little Oceanid, Cilo. How she had sacrificed herself for her people, and her lover, giving everything for the cause of justice. 

As the dancing water flows, so too we would live

The city it would nourish

And you too, my dear, would flourish

The music from the past swelled within Furina’s mind, and she found herself dancing to it, easily stepping around tables and chairs as if they were a part of her stage, the flow of the dance coming naturally to her. At just the right moment, when the music swelled within her mind, she continued, 

But love alone could be to no avail

Only farewell, I fear, would prevail

Thus are our lives filled with joy and sorrow

I'll be here always, forever and tomorrow

To behold the world's undying beauty

And that shall live on in perpetuity...

Sinking down as the actress on the stage had done, Furina swooned as if dying. Then she opened her eyes, feeling the wetness on her cheeks. She was that Little Oceanid. She had given her life, and the land would flourish on without her, she hoped. Was this just a final dream, the last, desperate gasp of her mind before she merged with the Primordial Sea, and was swept away? 

Life is always a dream, my beloved child. But you no longer shall be swept away in its currents…

Shaking her head, Furina stood, and realized that four people were watching her. Yennefer was on her knees, her mouth open, tears running down her face, her hands clutching her breast. Ling was crying into the shoulder of her father, who was manfully trying not to cry but was dabbing at his eyes nonetheless, while another woman, a little older than Ling but with similar features, was standing with her hands over her mouth. 

“Oh! Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Furina managed, blushing slightly. “I guess I got caught up in the moment.”

“That was… beautiful!” the unknown woman gushed, rushing forward and seizing Furina’s hands in her own. “You were incredible! Who taught you how to sing like that!? I’ve been training all my life, and I could never hope to match that!” 

“Er, well, it’s just something I’ve been blessed with, I suppose,” Furina stammered. Had it really been that good? She had a decent enough voice, but she couldn’t help but think people usually praised her more for her supposed position than her actual talent. They loved Focalors, not Furina. 

“T-that was the most incredible thing… but it was so sad!” Ling sniffed, using her apron to dab at her eyes. “I couldn’t understand the words, but your song… it was perfect!” 

Oh. She had been singing in Fontainian, hadn’t she? 

“It was Old French,” Yennefer rasped, still on her knees, her voice raw with emotion. She pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose, her eyes glittering. “I recognized some of it, but… my God. No wonder you wish to sing at the opera!”

Slowly getting to her feet, Yennefer came over, putting one hand on Furina’s shoulder, and the other on the woman who was still clinging to her. “Julie, I’d like you to meet Furina de la Fontaine. She’s just a country girl with a dream, but… I know you’ve had some roles, surely you could help her out a little?”

“I would be the most honored woman in all the world to be able to introduce such talent,” Julie agreed, nodding her head hastily. “They will love you, Furina! I’m Julie Yu, and though I’m really only a part time actress… I think I know just the place for you! And, sorry for grabbing you like that, I just…I’ve never heard singing like that!”

“It’s fine,” Furina said, feeling slightly dazed. People didn’t just touch her, basically ever. Fontainians could be standoffish, but no one ever touched the Archon. She hadn’t really realized how much she’d needed someone to take her hands until just then though. 

“Your lunch... it’s free,” Ling’s father said, his voice gruff. He put two plates on the table, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. “If you’re ever hungry… come by and sing like that. We’ll have a meal for you. My niece, she’s a good singer too, you should give her some lessons.”

“I-I don’t know that I’m qualified,” Furina stammered. “But I’ll do my best!” 

Ling and her father, Mao, along with Julie, ended up sitting with Furina and Yennefer as they ate, asking her excited questions that Furina had no real answers for. 

Still, as she chatted and laughed with her new friends, she realized something.

These people didn’t know Focalors. They only knew Furina. But they seemed to like her anyway.

Maybe this is a role I’m cut out for after all…

Author’s Note:

Lady Furina is finally here! Now, granted, this is mostly just the preview chapter with some tweaks I made based on changes to the story and advice from my French Beta readers. Speaking of, please say welcome to Shikaze, Wolfund, and Macros, who will be helping me with getting things right for France. Or you would, but they have already gone on strike and are demanding longer lunch breaks. Anyway, there will be another chapter Thursday that will actually be new, before we resume the regular update schedule. 

PHILO (Before Editing. Still stuck at Mondstadt): She’s probably like Discount Aqua. It’s going to be a comedy for once.
PHILO (After Editing): WHEN WILL SOMEBODY HUG FURINA!?

OCTOBER: I wonder how long it’ll take Furina to catch on that the French are adding the “la” to her surname…

The Second Archon War: Interlude 15

Interlude 15: Strangers’ Reunion

Water exploded in a crackle of lightning, and the sea monster reared up out of the water, letting out a bugling warble of a battle cry. Paimon screamed in fear and tried desperately to bail out the boat with a rusty pail, but Lumine found herself grinning in excitement.

“COME ON!” she roared, and leapt with her bat held high, right at the thing. The seahorse-like monster raised its crackling horn, swiping it right at Lumine. She smashed her bat into it, a jolt of lightning running through her. Then she was atop the beast, grabbing the horn and battering away at its head with all her might.

“LUMINE!” Aether cried, but he was holding up a ball bearing, which he sent right into the creature’s gut with a crack. It warbled in pain, but Lumine wasn’t done yet.

With a mighty swing, she managed to break off the unicorn-like horn, picking it up and holding it aloft with a wide, bloodstained grin.

The creature bellowed again, then dove down. Just before it slipped beneath the surface, Lumine targeted the motor on their boat and swapped places with it. The motor slipped beneath the surface, but Lumine managed to land inside of their boat with a thump.

“LUMINE!” Paimon wailed and nearly knocked Lumine off the boat with a mighty hug. The little fairy was crying as she checked Lumine for wounds, of which she had a number. “Paimon was so, so scared! That monster came up out of nowhere, a-and Paimon was trying to get the water out of the boat because it was sinking but then you jumped on it and-”

“Shh, shhh, it’s fine, Paimon,” Lumine whispered, wiping away Paimon’s tears. She still didn’t feel the pain, instead running off of adrenaline.

“That was a stupid ass move!” Aether called as he hastily bailed out their small boat. It was just a small 10-meter fishing boat, one barely suitable for the open ocean. It had probably been a bad idea to try to take it to Japan from South Korea, but it had been where they’d ended up. “Now we don’t even have an engine anymore!”

“Relax, it was already broken,” Lumine told him. “It was the first thing that sea monster wrecked.”

“Yes, but now we’re stranded in the Narukami Trench WITHOUT AN ENGINE!” Aether snapped. He sighed before grumbling. “Leastwise with a broken engine, we could have tried fixing it. Now we don’t even have that option.”

“It’s fine, we’ll just use the radio to call for…” Lumine trailed off as she picked up the radio. It was completely dead. “Orrrrr the sea monster could have fried it? Um, whoops?”

“Great. This is just great. We travel all the way across Asia, spend weeks on that dirty cargo ship, and now we’re stuck in the most monster-infested part of the entire world!” Aether grumbled, still bailing out water. Was it just Lumine, or was the water coming in faster than they could bail?

“It’s probably not the most monster-infested part. That new mountain range in Europe is,” Lumine pointed out helpfully. She didn’t deserve the glare that Aether gave her. Not even a little bit.

They frantically spent the next half-hour bailing, as Electro started to build up. At first, it just felt like a mild static shock, but soon Lumine felt her nerves starting to go dull and her teeth chatter. No matter how much they baled, the boat continued to fill up, not helped by Lumine and her brother growing ever more sluggish. Paimon tried to tug on them to lift them out of the water, but it was pointless. She couldn’t carry one of the twins, much less both.

“G-go, s-save yourself,” Lumine told Paimon, barely able to speak with her muscles twitching from the elemental energy.

“Paimon can’t leave you! Paimon has to help!” the little fairy said, struggling to lift up buckets of water and tip them as fast as she could.

“N-no, y-you have to g-go find h-help. I-it’s the only way w-we live,” Aether said, pointing across the ocean.

“Paimon doesn’t want to leave the Travelers! Oh, but if it’s the only way…” the twins nodded in Union, and with a sniffle, Paimon zipped off over the waters.

“T-think she’ll find anyone?” Lumine asked as they gave up on bailing, the boat tipping over beneath them.

Aether shook his head. “N-no. B-but at least she might live…”

The electro began to overwhelm them both, neither able to float or swim. Lumine tried to suck in one last breath, but she was growing paralyzed, and she knew that she was doomed to drown within moments. She closed her eyes…

There was a roar and a hiss, and Lumine’s eyes snapped open. Had the monstrous seahorse come back? She found herself lifted up out of the crackling water, lying flat on cold scales that glistened in the sunlight next to Aether.

CHILDREN. YOU HAVE WANDERED FAR.

“Paimon found help!” her companion said, frantically hovering over Lumin. “Miss Dragon was patrolling not far from here! She came as soon as Paimon told her where the Travelers were!”

Trembling, Lumine managed to get to her knees, and look up in awe. She had met the Dendro Dragon of course, but Tessa had remained in a mostly humanoid form. Now, however, she beheld the Hydro Dragon in all her glory. Keiga’s coils had churned the sea to froth all around them, massive scaly loops that were as thick around as train cars. Her underbelly was a pinkish hue, while the top was a deep cerulean. The dragon’s great horns looked like fuchsia staghorn coral, and her eyes were dark orbs that were larger than Lumine herself.

“Paimon! You saved us,” Lumine gasped, hugging her best friend tightly as Paimon laughed and cried.

Aether slowly got to his feet, looking up at the dragon in awe. “Um, thanks, Lady Keiga. We, uh, appreciate it.”

I HAVE LOCATED YOUR VESSEL, Keiga rumbled, and their wrecked boat appeared in her coils. I SEE YOU HAVE FACED ONE OF THE MONSTERS OF THE DEEP. THAT IS QUITE THE TROPHY.

Glancing down, Lumine found she had the sea horse's horn tucked into her belt. She plucked it out, offering it up to Keiga. “If you take us back to land, this is all yours…we were trying to meet the Shogun, to see if she could make a path home for us.”

I SENSE THAT YOUR FATES ARE NOT AMONGST THE STARS. INTERESTING. YOUR COMPANION ALSO. YOU SMELL OF TEYVAT, SPIRIT, Keiga said, snorting out a mist of Hydro towards Paimon, who coughed and sputtered.

“Um, the other Archons have said that, but honestly, Paimon doesn’t know,” the fairy admitted. “Paimon doesn’t remember anything before meeting the Travelers.”

FASCINATING. YOU ARE INDEED OF INTEREST. COME. I WILL BEAR YOU TO THE SHOGUN. SHE WILL WISH TO HEAR YOUR TALE.

With that, Keiga uncoiled and began surging through the waves. Lumine and Aether had to cling to her back, with Paimon grabbing onto Lumine as the wind whipped in their hair. They were traveling at a tremendous speed, spray surging to either side of them as Keiga plowed forward at speeds that no boat could match. Lumine found the experience exhilarating, and she cheered, the early spring sun high over their heads.

Even at breakneck speeds, it still took several hours to cross the Sea of Japan, and Lumine found herself drifting off to sleep despite the wind whipping in her face. The exposure to Electro had drained her, and she was soon snoring softly. Fortunately, she didn’t slip off the dragon, with little ropes of water gently conjured by Keiga securing the Travelers and Paimon as they rested.

After some time, several hours by the sun sinking in the west, Lumine was jolted awake. She blinked, panicking for a moment until she felt the water’s gentle embrace about her. She managed to sit up, then stand, gasping in shock as Keiga lifted herself out of the water and into the sky.

“We’re flying!” Lumine said somewhat redundantly, a wide grin on her face. They had reached the Western Shore of Japan, and Keiga was snaking her way into the sky. Below them, waves lapped against the coast, and Lumine could see boats and a few small villages nearby. She gripped the coils of water, laughing in delight.

NOT LONG NOW, LITTLE ONES, Keiga rumbled. WE MAKE FOR THE IMPERIAL PALACE OVERLAND.

“Wow,” Aether gasped, holding on to Lumine as they flew through the sky. “Look at it all!”

Below them stretched the mountainous Japanese countryside. There were rice fields aplenty, as well as cities and towns. What really drew the eye however were the massive purple Sacred Sakura trees that were at the center of each settlement. They were a potent symbol of the Archon’s power and immediate presence, and Lumine felt both eager and worried. The Raiden Shogun had a fearsome reputation. Venti had been thought of as a drunk drifter, right up until he reshaped Europe and beat back the Ice Queen all on his lonesome, and Nahida Saeed was known far and wide as an adorable (if incredibly powerful) child.

But the Raiden Shogun was the Endslayer. A brutal warlord who had now expanded her sphere of influence from Japan to Korea, laying low the Chinese Union Imperial and defying the United States repeatedly on the international scene.

There was no going back now. Only forward. Lumine pushed her doubts out of her mind, and focused on the future.

It was fully dark when they arrived in Tokyo, and Lumine peered curiously down below them and into a sea of light that seemed to go on forever. As Keiga descended lower, Lumine beheld towering skyscrapers and all sorts of mechanical marvels. This was the first place on Earth Bet she had seen mecha, but there were dozens of them in the city below. Some were obviously military platforms that had been converted for policing duty, while others were working on construction sites. There were also plenty of cars, and to Lumine’s surprise, she saw that more than a few lacked wheels. There were even scooters and boards that hovered along on jets of glowing electro.

“Hover cars? When did those come out?” Lumine said aloud.

THEY ARE A RECENT INNOVATION, DESIGNED BY YOUNG CLARA. SHE IS ONE OF JAPAN'S FINEST TINKERS AND IS EMPLOYED BY TOYOTA DESPITE HER YOUNG AGE, Keiga said. NOW HOLD ON TIGHTLY, YOUNG ONES. I AM TAKING US IN FOR A LANDING.

The Imperial Palace appeared before them, a perpetual thunderstorm hanging overhead, from which lightning eternally flickered. It reminded Lumine of nothing so much as a final boss lair. If this were a video game, she would definitely be heading for a high-level raid zone. Hopefully, this didn’t turn into that, because she was fairly certain she was under-leveled and under-geared for a showdown with the Shogun.

They landed amidst a wide platform that was clearly designed as a landing pad for giant dragons. Waiting for them were a coterie of servants, dressed in formal kimonos. Lumine and Aether scrambled off of Keiga, who transformed from a hundred-meter long serpent into a woman who was actually a hair shorter than Lumine. And stark naked. Lumine hastily covered Aether’s eyes, even as his cheeks turned bright red.

A servant hurried forward with a blue kimono with wave patterns and the electro sigil on the back, draping it over Keiga and hastily tying the ribbons for her. “Do not overly trouble yourself. I have grown used to the process of transformation. Besides, any who stare overly long risk my husband’s ire,” Keiga said with a laugh.

“We wouldn’t want that,” Lumine muttered, taking her hands away from Aether’s eyes. Paimon was blushing as well, though Lumine knew for a fact she was definitely a girl as well, mostly since they’d bathed together more than once.

“Kaa! Kaa!” a baby’s voice burbled, and one of the servants groaned as a toddler slipped out of her grasp, floating up in the air and streaking toward Keiga. It was oddly adorable, seeing a baby doggy-paddle through the air. Lumine wondered if she should’ve been worried, but seeing as even the servant who had been holding the baby only looked exasperated instead of panicked, Lumine felt safe in giggling a little.

“There you are,” Keiga laughed, snatching the baby out of the air. “Were you good while I was gone?”

The baby, which Lumine recognized as Bailu, grinned widely. “Iie!”

“Um, she said no,” Paimon whispered to Lumine and Aether. “I think kaa is short for kaa-san, which is baby talk for mom in Japanese.”

“How can we understand Keiga then?” Lumine whispered back.

“Oh, she’s a Sovereign. They can just do that,” Paimon said with a shrug. “Sort of like the Archons, really. Bailu’s just a baby dragon so she doesn’t have that kind of magic yet since she’s still learning to talk.”

“Huh, I guess that’s why Venti and Nahida could just talk to us too,” Lumine mused. Had Tessa spoken to them in their native tongue? She hadn’t really interacted with her enough and had figured the Dendro Dragon was just speaking English, which Lumine was at least semi-fluent in.

“How was she?” Keiga said to the servant who scurried over, Paimon translating her profuse apologies as she bowed. “Do not fret, she is a slippery one, my Bailu.”

“The same as usual, my lady. She was very stubborn and did not like her supper. She has eaten only a little. We couldn’t get her to eat her vegetables, she demanded dinosaur nuggets,” the nurse said, looking rather frazzled as Bailu giggled and began to float around her mother’s head.

“Little girls must eat their vegetables, Bailu,” Keiga chided.

Bailu screwed up her face and huffed, “No! Vegetables yucky! Want Dino Nuggies! No!” No did seem to be her favorite word. By her size, she was just about three years old, and if Lumine remembered right her birthday was in just a couple of weeks. It seemed the Terrible Twos were real no matter what world you found yourself in.

Keiga sighed and grabbed her daughter out of the air, giving her a light swat on the rear. “No dino nuggies until you eat your vegetables. Now listen to Nurse Aoi. Mama will be back to check on you later.”

“No! Want to play with mama! Mama gone all day!” Bailu wailed, screwing up her face again and clinging to her mother’s arm.

“Mama will be back soon. She has to see Aunty Ei. Then she will come and play,” Keiga promised, handing Bailu back to her nursemaid.

“Hmph. Promise mama play with me later?” Bailu asked, looking hopeful.

“Promise,” Keiga said, kissing her daughter on the forehead.

“OK. Bailu be good. Sorry, Nurse Aoi. I eat vegetables now,” Bailu said. Then slipped out Aoi’s arms again. This time, she landed on the ground, laughing and running off towards the palace. The nurses scrambled after her, causing Keiga to smile and shake her head.

“She’s going to be like her father. Always trouble, that one,” Keiga sighed. She turned to Lumine and Aether. “Come. I have notified her Excellency of your arrival. She seemed eager to meet with you.”

Keiga led the twins and Paimon deep into the castle complex. All around them were priceless artifacts, from ancient vases and wall hangings to furniture that was probably older than a lot of countries. Lumine hastily caught up to Keiga, nervously looking at the servants who bowed as they passed. “Um, we don’t really have a whole lot of stuff, really just the clothes on our back, but…shouldn’t we get cleaned up before we meet with Raiden?”

“She wishes to meet with you without delay,” Keiga said, but she smiled gently. “Do not worry. Raiden does not give overly much thought to exterior appearances. Truthfully, if my husband and I did not chide her on occasion, would wear the same clothes day in and out and only rarely groom herself.”

Lumine frowned, glancing at Aether, who grinned at her. “So, Lightning Princess Ami’s Gremlin Raiden is canon then?”

Keiga laughed at that even as Lumine made shushing motions at her brother. “While the depiction is exaggerated for comedic effect in the show, her Excellency is indeed a bit of a shut-in otaku if left to her own devices.”

“NEET Raiden? Does that even count if you’re the god of an entire country?” Lumine asked, feeling rather baffled at the concept.

“Oh, her Excellency works very hard, never you fear. People, however, are not her specialty. That’s what she has us for. Here, she is waiting for you,” Keiga said and slid open a panel door before Lumine could even collect herself.

The door led out into a garden, which after a gesture, Lumine hesitantly stepped out. It was a traditional Japanese affair, with native plants immaculately groomed and tended a rock garden, and that thingy that went “donk” when it filled up from the running water by the koi pond.

And there, on a bridge, looking up at the waxing moon, stood the Raiden Shogun. Her hair glowed faintly purple in the moonlight, a breeze causing the warrior’s braid to swing slightly. She was dressed not in the traditional kimono that Lumine had more than half expected, but in a rumpled shirt and blue jeans of all things. Rather tight ones, actually, as Lumine caught her brother staring at the divine thighs and had to elbow him to keep him from drooling.

As they stepped out into the soft moonlight, Lumine saw the contrast between the ethereal image of a god on the Lunar surface, and the real woman before her as the Shogun turned to regard them. She was inhumanly beautiful of course, with the only supposed blemish a beauty mark under her left eye. To Lumine’s surprise, the Shogun seemed slightly startled to see them, her gaze fixing on Paimon. Then she locked eyes with Lumine.

Within those violet eyes, Lumine beheld Eternity. If she had doubted that Raiden was a divinity before, those doubts vanished. She could see from the beginning of time to its very terminus, a vast storm of eons that swirled about her and made Lumine sway on her feet. She gritted her teeth, grasping the horn in her hands until she felt the pain from it. She raised the horn in a high guard position, her feet falling into a combat stance.

“Traveler. We meet again,” the Shogun said, slowly approaching Lumine.

Aether’s eyes were wide, looking back and forth frantically from his sister to the Shogun. “Lumine?! What are you doing!? You can’t seriously- Lower that thing! We can’t fight her!”

“Even gods can bleed if you try hard enough,” Lumine found herself saying through gritted teeth. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

A smile spread over Raiden’s lips. “Well said, Lumine. I had not thought to see you and your companion again…and yet, you are not she, are you?”

“I am Lumine Genshin. And though we have not met before, I am not one to back down,” Lumine growled.

“Um, my sister is very sorry, she uh, took a blow to the head! Really, we’re just here to-” Aether began, putting himself between Lumine and the Shogun, but she shoved him aside.

“Shut up. You! If I beat you, will you tell me the way to get home?” Lumine demanded hotly, pointing her horn at Raiden.

“A similar question to what your counterpart asked me, once,” the Shogun mused, stopping ten meters from Lumine. She shook her head. “I will not face you like this, mortal. You are wearied, and that is no weapon. What of this: hand me that horn, and I shall forge a blade from it worthy of striking down even a god. After you have trained a little, then we shall have our rematch, though, for you, I suspect it will be the first time we have dueled.”

Lumine blinked. She looked at the horn in her hand, then gasped. She was bleeding! She’d gripped the edge so tightly, she’d cut herself on it. She slowly relaxed her grip, and lowered the horn to her side. “Are you…seriously saying we fought before?”

“No, I fought another with your face and name from a distant star, in another universe. In some ways, you are the same person. Bold, driven, and far from home. And yet in so many others, your soul is your own, Lumine Genshin. For you are a mortal, and in that, your fate is yours to determine.” Raiden extended a hand, open palm up.

Reluctantly, Lumine handed Raiden the horn. With a nod, the Shogun took it. She examined it, noting the smear of blood as Paimon hastily tore off a bit of her own clothes and bandaged Lumine’s hand. “What will you make of it?” Lumine asked.

“A sword, as I said. One worthy of one with your drive. Were you of this world, a Vision would also be yours to claim. But you are not. Thus, Heaven’s eyes are blind to you,” Raiden said, the horn vanishing from her grasp in a flash of lightning. She turned to Aether, regarding him. “And you. Your counterpart I have not met, but of the Abyssal Prince I have heard. Which I wonder are you in this tale?”

“I’m just a homesick guy trying to get home with his sister and their travel guide,” Aether said, giving Raiden a sheepish grin.

“Hmm. Indeed. Your Fate is yet to be revealed. For you a sword would not be appropriate. A spear, I think. It would suit your power,” Raiden said with a nod.

“Uh, that’s cool and all, but once I throw a spear…not much will be left,” Aether said with a sheepish grin. He flexed his bicep. “Believe it or not I have a hell of an arm.”

Raiden smiled faintly at that. “I am certain that you do. Fear not. A spear forged by a god is not so easily broken, nor parted from the hand that wields it.”


Then Raiden turned to Paimon, and her expression cooled. “And you. What of you, Guide? What star do you follow, I wonder?”

“Um, if you’re giving gifts…Paimon likes money! And food!” their guide said eagerly. “And Paimon’s stomach is really rumbly right now! She’d like a bowl of hot ramen, and some katsu, and curry, oh! And rice, and an omelet, oooo and sushi! Lots of sushi! Paimon loooooves sushi!” Their guide smiled guilessly and somewhat shyly at Raiden, adding a belated, “Please?”

After a moment, Raiden nodded. “Food and lodging will be provided you.” Then she turned to Lumine. “Your blade will be ready when you are fit to wield it.”

“And then we fight?!” Lumine asked, heart pounding in her chest. It would be close, but she was a teleporter, and she’d learned a lot about fighting in the past couple of years. Sure, it would be a stretch to fight the Endslayer, but if she went all out-

“No,” Raiden said flatly, and Lumine’s heart sank. “You may face me when you can defeat my daughter.”

“Dalnim!?” Lumine’s eyes shot to the moon, and she felt a surge of excitement.

“No. My younger daughter. She is close to your age. She will be 14 this year,” Raiden stated, her expression once more serene.

“Hey! I’m 18 now!” Lumine growled, anger making her growl just a little. “I’m not a kid!”

“If one must declare oneself not to be a child, then one is indeed quite childish,” Raiden said, a hint of amusement in her tone. “Regardless. Once you can best Ami in a duel, then I will consider you fit to challenge me. And not before.”

Hmph. Lumine huffed in irritation but nodded. How hard could beating some 14-year-old princess who spent all her time as an idol or making a dumb TV show be?



*CRACK*

Lumine went flying one direction, her wooden practice sword the other. She landed flat on her back, the wind knocked entirely out from her as colors flashed and her vision swam. A ringing sound filled her ears, and she couldn’t focus on anything but the pain.

“Kazeyo, iyashi o motarasu!”

A burst of wind swirled around Lumine, the ringing stopped as her vision cleared. She groaned and sat up, grinning sheepishly at the perturbed-looking mini-ninja crouched at her side.

“Sayu says that was really dumb of you. If she has to heal you again, she’s going to charge you for stunting her growth,” Paimon translated as the ninja growled at Lumine in Japanese.

“One more time,” Lumine groaned, and tried to get back to her feet, using her sword as a crutch. Her legs wobbled, however, and she ended up nearly sprawling on her face, and would have if Paimon hadn’t caught her.

“FUFUFUFU!” Princess Ami laughed, giggling smugly as she looked down at Lumine. She twirled about and posed with her sword like some ridiculous children’s cartoon hero, while her little dragon spirit translated.

“My lady says, ‘O Traveler from afar, these are the skills with which you challenge me? Verily, you are as skilled as an ogre and as graceful as a chull! Such clumsy strikes! Do you truly think you can challenge the Prinzessin des Blitzes in such a state? You must train a hundred years before you can even consider facing her in single combat!’”

“I’ll wipe that smug grin off your face!” Lumine spat, and managed to haul herself to her feet.

“Nuh-uh,” Sayu said, switching to English. “You’ve had enough, lady. You’re not that bad, for someone who clearly has never had a master, but you need a lot more practice before you can hope to fight Ami. She’s been training daily with the god of blade work herself since she was eight years old. You can’t even begin to compare, even with all that fancy teleporting you can do.”

Tears of frustration formed on Lumine’s face, and she scrubbed away at them angrily. She couldn’t cry! Not here, not now! “No! I didn’t come all this way just to fail!”

Ami’s expression softened, and she approached, putting a hand on Lumine’s shoulder. That just made her sag in shame and defeat. Now this kid was going to comfort her?

“My lady says that there is no shame here. You fought bravely and well,” Murasaki translated again. “Stay here, and train for a time. She will teach you the ways of the sword, that you might surpass even her, and challenge her Honored Mother to a match that will echo throughout eternity.”

“I…” Lumine swallowed her pride, and forced a smile. She nodded. “Right. I’ll do that. Then…then she can show me the way Home, right?”

“Home is not a place, but the people you love,” Murasaki translated, a far-off look in Ami’s eyes. “My Lady also knows what it is to lose a home, and those you treasure. Do not fear: she will aid you in your quest, Miss Lumine.”

“Right,” Lumine said, and then groaned, limping over to where her brother was sitting with Clara, who was tinkering with some contraption while her brother chewed on a rice ball.

“Not bad,” he said through a mouthful of food. He proffered her a water bottle. “Have some food.”

“Some help you are,” Lumine muttered, but she took the water bottle and collapsed on the grass, guzzling the liquid greedily.

“I would like to point out that it was you who challenged, and then were soundly beaten, by a 14-year-old demi-god. Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. Five times, Lumine. You’re going to have bruises for days,” Aether said with a shake of his head.

“At least I’m trying to find us a way home!” Lumine growled.

Aether shrugged. “Hey, all respect to you for that. Maybe the Shogun knows a way, maybe not.”

“Yeah, who knows? But just don’t try and mouth off to her, that’s a good way to get a pounding,” a new voice said.

“Yeah, Lumine learned that- HEY, my rice ball!” Aether yelped. A grey raccoon dog with a black and yellow ballcap and a little black jacket was sitting next to Aether, munching on his onigiri.

Aether growled and lunged, but the tanuki danced back, escaping his grasp and shoving the rest of the rice ball into its mouth.

“Why you little-” Aether snarled, then grabbed up a cloth napkin from their picnic basket. There was a crack as he sent it flying at the raccoon dog, who had turned tail and started running. The cloth wrapped itself around the creature, who went sprawling with a yelp.

With a shout of triumph, Aether jumped forward, tacking the tanuki and wrapping his arms about it tightly. “I have you now, you little pest! And I’ll-”

There was a puff, and Lumine gasped in shock as the raccoon dog turned into a grey-haired girl, dressed only in a black jacket and ball cap. Aether’s face turned bright red as he looked down at the girl’s eyes, his arms still wrapped about her, his face right above hers like they were about to kiss.

“Boo,” the girl said with a cheeky grin, a bit of rice still on her lips.

Aether’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t let go, to Lumine’s mortification. “Boo yourself. That was my rice ball. And don’t think you can embarrass me into letting go. Lumine learned the hard way that doesn’t work ages ago.”

“Hmm. Plan B then?” the Tanuki girl said. She screwed up her face and shouted, “HELP! I’M ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD AND THIS PERVERT IS MOLESTING ME!”

That caused Aether to let out a squawk and hastily let the girl go, scrambling back on all fours. “H-hey! You stole- I didn’t know!”

“He he,” the girl giggled, jumping up and pulling one eyelid down and sticking her tongue out. “Four years old is ancient in tanuki years, stupid human!”

With that, she turned tail (though she now lacked one) and sprinted off, leaving a flustered Aether in the dirt.

“Well, I guess I don’t have to introduce you to Stelle now,” Sayu said with a sigh, coming over to help Aether up. “You’ll meet her twin brother, Caelus, soon enough. She’s pulled the ‘I’m only a little kid’ stunt before. Don’t be fooled. She’s an adult in every sense of the word, even if she’s a stupid brat. Damn her and her freakish height!” Sayu shook a fist in the direction that the thief had vanished.

“Uh, yeah. She is tall, isn’t she?” Aether said, still bright red.

Lumine rolled her eyes. Her brother had always had a thing for big strong women. She’d certainly noticed his posters of Hoshiguma the Ogre and Quibai the Demon from their favorite gacha in his room, and she was well aware of the sort of women he looked up online. He thought he was sneaky even now, but it was hard to hide his stash when they lived and traveled together. Lumine was polite enough not to comment on it, and he very respectfully didn’t comment on her drooling over pictures of Ajax and Itul online. Maybe having a thing for hot tall people was genetic.

“Don’t even think about it,” she said, poking Aether. “We’re going home, remember?”

“Yeah. Home,” Aether agreed with a sigh. He turned and gave Lumine a sheepish grin. “Just as soon as you master the blade and defeat the Endslayer. We’ll be there in, oh, a century or three.”

“Shut it. You’re studying the blade too,” Lumie said, smacking his back. “Or the spear, anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Aether agreed with a grimace. He sighed and stood up. “I don’t suppose there’s a polearm master around I can study under?”

“Glad ya asked, kid. Normally I’m against beaten the ever lovin’ hell outta children, but I got orders to look after ya from my sweetheart. And lookie here. I found you a training partner and everything,” a deep voice growled.

Lumine and Aether slowly turned to see none other than a very irate-looking Lord Mushu holding up a sheepish-looking Stelle. The grey-haired woman had been stuffed into a loose-fitting gi, while Mushu was bare-chested with a pair of sweatpants on. He tossed Stelle onto the ground, where she landed with a yelp.

“Uh, hey there, friend. Um, look, we got off on the wrong foot, but really, has violence ever solved anything?” Stelle said nervously, a weedling grin on her face as she looked at Aether.

“Yes,” Mushu said, throwing a pair of training staves at Stelle and Aether. Both of them snatched the staves out of the air, which earned a grunt from Mushu. “Now get on yer feet. You’ve been mooching for too long, Stelle. And since this fine young man was stupid enough to challenge Her Excellency to a sword match-”

“I very certainly did not do that! That was Lumine! It was 100% her, I wasn’t even involved!” Aether protested desperately, crossing his arms in negation

Stelle hastily nodded. “Yeah! And I was just an innocent bystander, humbling begging for a small donation of food, and I-”

SILENCE.

Thunder echoed as Stelle and Aether both stood ramrod straight, then bowed. “HAI, SENSEI!” they cried in unison.

“That’s not silence,” Mushu muttered, glowering at them. “But fine. Right. Now, we’re gonna start off with basic forms. And if either of you numbskulls tries to run away, I will personally strike you with a bolt of lightning. I’m missing precious time with my sweet baby girl for this, so you’d better appreciate it.”

“Congrats, Aether! You’re getting trained by the Dragon Lord himself!” Lumine said, waving cheerily to her brother, who snarled at her. She just waved at him, then hauled herself to her feet and nodded to Ami. “Right. I guess we pick up where we left off?”

“FUFUFU!” Ami laughed. Then she grew serious and shook her head. “No, we must start at the beginning. First, footwork. You will walk as I do, move your feet as I do. When you have mastered that, then we will work on how to hold your sword.”

Lumine bit back a protest that she already knew how to walk and hold a sword. She had a chance to learn swordsmanship from the very best, the Daughter of Raiden herself. Even if Ami’s reputation was inflated, she was still acknowledged as a Blademaster in her own right at 14, and Lumine was pretty sure Raiden wouldn’t have conferred that title unless her daughter had earned it.

She began to walk as Ami did, practicing her footwork, while Mushu bellowed at Stelle and Aether and forced them to practice various stances with their staves.

This isn’t so bad, Lumine thought to herself.

They passed several days like that. Mushu and Ami naturally were rather busy and did not come by to train the twins daily. Indeed, they spent a lot of time practicing with various soldiers and guards, meeting only with their respective masters once a week. Lumine met Caelus, Stelle’s twin, who she immediately pegged as a scoundrel, if a charming one. If she wasn’t careful, he might just charm her too, and she hadn’t decided if she’d let him yet. He did seem to be almost as much of a gremlin as his sister.

Three weeks went by in the blink of an eye. Training during the day, feasting with Stelle and Caleus at night, and of course, sneaking out of the palace to various arcades and card shops with the tanuki twins to cause mayhem. Though Lumine did catch Caelus digging through a dumpster and eating a slice of pizza out of it.

“What? He said, munching happily. “You humans throw away all kinds of food!”

“It’s gross! We have yen, we could just buy some fresh!” Lumine said, smacking the pizza out of his hand. Then she paused, glancing in the dumpster. “Hold on, did someone seriously throw away an entire box of Genius Invocation cards!?”

She hastily dug the cards out of the can, wiping off the refuse and grease. Sweet! It was mostly draft chaff, but you could never have too many cards!

“I seriously don’t see the difference here,” Caelus opined, plucking another half-eaten slice out. He pulled an intact piece of pizza out and proffered it. “Want some?”

“Ew, no,” Lumine said, turning her nose up. Then she quickly stuffed away her treasures. “Now help me look for any spare change or other goodies. Not food! People throw away all kinds of perfectly good stuff.”

“I think I’m in love,” Caelus sighed as Lumine rummaged through the can.

“Save it, mister. You’re four years old too, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but that’s like, thirty or something in human years,” Caelus said as he shifted through the bin beside Lumine.

“Ugh, that’s worse. You’re old.”

“I am NOT! I was two when I got my powers! Well, two and a half. So I’m, uh…mid…twenties? Or something?” Caelus said, scratching at his grey hair. “Honestly, I can’t keep track. My ID says I’m 24 though, so I can drink.”

“You forged an ID?” Lumine said, frowning up at him. Her arms were deep into the rubbish, but she just knew there had to be good stuff in here. She hadn’t survived this long by being adverse to dumpster diving.

Caelus grinned broadly. “Made it myself! Why, you want one?”

“Hell yes! Don’t tell Aether though, he’s too young to be drinking,” Lumine confined.

Caelus’ brow furrowed. “Aren’t you twins?”

“I’m older. By 20 minutes.”

And so, Lumine ended up in Caelus and Stelle’s room a short time later. Caelus had on a special set of jeweler's lenses and was carefully etching the elemental signature into the fake ID he’d crafted for Lumine. It said she was 21, a full year above the legal drinking age, so as not to be suspicious. She could definitely pass for 21, especially since she looked foreign.

The door banged open, and Stelle and Aether spilled into the room, panting and out of breath. Lumine immediately spun, while Caelus yelped and yanked his goggles off.

“Hey! What are you doing with my sister!” Aether demanded, glaring at Caelus, his hands forming into fists. Lumine scowled at him. She could do whatever she wanted! She was the older one!

“Uh, nothing,’ Caelus said hastily. Then he blinked. “Hey! What are you doing with my sister?!”

“Um, we were, uh…” Aether trailed off, while behind him, Stelle lewdly thrust her hips and made moaning noises. “H-hey! We were just, uh…not that.”

“Oh?” Caelus growled, a bat forming in his hands as his anemo vision glowed bright green. “Well, maybe I got an issue with that nothing! She’s too young to be having kits!”

“Oh please, I’m the older one, obviously,” Stelle said with a roll of her eyes.

“You don’t know that!” Caelus spat. “Before she died, mom told me to protect you!”

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure mom was just a plain old tanuki,” Stelle sniffed. “Besides, it’s none of your business if I want to have kits with Aether.”

“S-Stelle!?” Aether gasped, his eyes bugging out.

“What? It sounds like fun. Though maybe not the kits part,” Stelle mused, putting a finger to her lips. “That sounds like work. Humans have something to make it so you can have the fun without the responsibility, right?”

“We seriously were not even doing that,” Aether said hastily as Lumine raised an eyebrow at them. “Look, we were just-”

“Travelers! There you are!” Paimon said brightly zipping in. “Hey, Yae, I found them! Hurry!”

“Paimon! You sold us out!” Stelle groaned, as Caelus very hastily tried to hide his ID-forging gear while the chubby form of Yae Miko sauntered into the room.

“Well, well, what’s this?” Yae said, stepping forward and snatching the mostly finished ID out of Lumine’s hands. She raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Forging an ID, Caelus?”

“Uh, no?” Caelus said, and Lumine slapped her palm into her face. He could be so stupid sometimes for someone so smart.

“Pity. I would have you forge me one. The pathetic humans deny me alcohol no matter how much I insist I’m an adult,” Yae huffed.

Lumine gave the diminutive girl an incredulous look. Caelus and Stelle could pass for mid-20s. Yae would be lucky to pass for more than seven.

“If you want one, I can make you one!” Stelle said excitedly. She rummaged in her bust and pulled out a rumpled and folded bit of cardboard. Holding it up proudly, she displayed a glued-together monstrosity. The picture had been drawn in what appeared to be crayon, and the identifying descriptors were misspelled, save for Stelle’s name. Her age was listed as “adult” and sex was listed as “yes.” Lumine would have thought Stelle was joking, but she clearly thought this was a brilliant forgery.

“That’s nice, dear,” Miko said, taking the ID, and tossing it into the trash can.

“Hey! I worked hard on that!” Stelle protested.

ENOUGH. A dark fox demon growled, and the two sets of twins immediately stiffened to attention. “Better,” Miko huffed. “Come. Something of import has happened. We have been summoned. So behave yourselves.”

“Uh, us too?” Lumine asked, pointing to herself and Aether.

“I don’t see why not. Though if you are wise, you will keep silent, and listen,” Miko sniffed. “Now come along, children. The Shogun awaits.”

They all hastily followed Miko, who turned into her fox form to scamper along so quickly that the twins all had to run, though notably Caelus and Stelle stayed human. They soon arrived at a room deep in the palace that Lumine had never seen before, and Yae popped back into human for, not a muss or wrinkle on her clothes.

“No…no fair. How do you do that?” Caelus panted. “I always rip my clothes when I try it.”

“Skill, little one,” Miko chuckled, which earned her a glare from Caelus. “Now, behave, and act as a retainer should. Announce me.”

Caelus flung open the door, and in a sonorous announcer's voice declared, “Presenting, her most serene pain in my backside, Yae-YOUCH!”

“Ah, Miko. Come,” the Raiden Shogun said, gesturing to the table. She spied Lumine and her brother and nodded to them. “I suppose this concerns you as well, Travelers. Come. You also, Paimon.”

Lumine hastily entered, then went to stand beside Sayu, who was at attention behind Ami. At the table were the most powerful people in Japan and Korea. Not just the Raiden Shogun, but both Ami and her sister, Dalnim, or was it Tsukuyomi? It was the first time that Lumine had seen the moon god in person, and it was striking just how much she looked like her mother, like a reflection, save for her haircut and slightly more angular and youthful build. Mushu and Keiga were there, as were the Emperor of Japan, the President of Korea, Lady Noriko and her wife Bukdu, and several other high officials.

“A new fate has appeared in the heavens,” Raiden decreed, and all heads turned to her. “Keiga was the first to sense it.”

The Hydro Dragon nodded. “Yes. Not an hour ago, I sensed the arrival of a great Authority, one that contested my own over Hydro. I believe the Hydro Archon has arrived.”

“Indeed. I have detected a new divine constellation,” Raiden agreed. But her brow furrowed. “It is not, however, Lustitia Themidis, the constellation of Focalors. It is another. I have reached out to Buer, but she knew the same Constellation I did. This new one she does not recognize. I would consult with Barbatos, but he yet slumbers. As for Dantilion…she I will not consult with. Not until her foolish ways are put to rest.”


There were mutters around the table, but they were quickly silenced when Dalnim spoke. “Indeed. It seems we have an unknown Archon on our hands. But she is yet the God of Justice, is she not, mother?”

“Perhaps. I am still uncertain,” Raiden said with a slight shake of her head.

“Then who is she? What is her constellation?” the President of Korea asked.

“That, it seems, is yet to be revealed,” Raiden said.

Lumine swallowed, and reached out, taking Paimon and Aether’s hand. The world was changing.

Would Justice change with it?

On the Elements, Chapter Chapter 5: Cryo Allogens

On the Elements, Chapter Chapter 5: Cryo Allogens

Sorry... to also have you shoulder the grievances of the world. Since you could endure my bitter cold, you must have the desire to burn? Then, burn away the old world for me." - The Tsaritsa, Cryo Archon

While each Archon has, in some way, clashed with local forces and had to confront societal norms, only the Cryo Archon has shown such blatant hostility to the world at large. Indeed, outside of her native Russia, the Tsarisa is viewed as perhaps the second greatest threat and villain the world over, surpassed only by the Abyss itself. 

Yet within her domain, the Tsaritsa is an object of veneration and adoration. The God of Love might be rejected by the rest of the world, but in her own kingdom she is more beloved than any other Archon. To the world, she has brought strife, war, and winter. To Russia, she has given harmony, peace, and harvests. This dichotomy is at the heart of the Tsaritsa, and the Cryo Allogen themselves. And it all goes back to the Tsaritsa’s origin.

It is well known by now that all Archons come from another world known as Teyvat. Some believe this to be Heaven, others a separate universe. What is known is that most Archons are not, and have never been, human. Beezelbul has described herself as “the shadow of the Lightning’s glow,” and it is now somewhat well known her body is an artificial construct. Barbtos is well known to be a wind spirit, though he takes human form most of the time. Buer is a branch of the Tree of Life, and has summarized her own biology as closer to sentient flora than fauna. But the Tsarita’s start was as a human girl, adopted by her mother, the previous Cryo Archon.

Interesting then that we may see another mortal girl rise to become the Cryo Archon in our own time. But even then, Kollei Moskaylova shares the same attributes that Bronislava Snezhnaya does. 

• Child of Two Worlds

It is well know that Cryo Allogens see themselves as outsiders or outcasts in their own lands, or as the child of two worlds. This is manifest in our President, Rebecca Costa-Brown. Born in the United States to Mexican immigrants, she grew up in Los Angeles speaking Spanish in one life, and English in another. She also grew to have two separate identities; one as Rebecca, the other as Alexandria. 

So too does the Cryo Archon have two identities. On one had, she is Bronya, the mortal girl who rages against the heavens and the crimes that they have perpetrated against her in futility. On the other, she is the God Dantilion, ageless and powerful, and committed to her course of making herself ruler over all creation. 

 All Cryo Allogens have this to one degree or another, and it is their most striking trait. They are pulled in two directions and must walk the razor’s edge between two conflicting worlds. This can be in a more literal external sense or a more figurative internal sense. But this conflict is one all Cryo Vision Holders experience. 

• Cold Avenger

While Anemo Vision holders often define themselves by a loss of a loved one, Cryo Vision holders are even more defined by a specific, defining tragic moment in their lives. While in the case of Anemo Vision holders, his drives them to a strict sense of duty, for a Cryo Vision holder it causes them to be consumed by grief, and a resolve that never again shall this happen. 

This is obvious in the Tsaritsa, who is most outspoken in her demand that she will cast down the heavenly order and institute her own, since it was heaven who slew her mother in the First Archon War. Her quest for revenge comes before all else. It can also be seen in her daughter, who in her own quest for revenge continued to plunge the world into chaos and war when she picked up her mother’s crown following The Great Storm. 

In some cases, this quest for vengeance is more obvious as a “never again” type of resolve, as can be seen in the close companion of Focalors, Charlotte Lustria. The pain she felt at an early lie in her life led her to resolve that the Truth must ALWAYS be known, no matter the cost. It was this quest for truth that created what has become a media empire that is one of the most reliable sources of journalistic integrity the world over. Or it can be seen in Xianyan Shenhu, who challenged Morax himself to battle to prevent another warlord from attacking her family. 

• The Lonely Path

While the iconoclast nature of Electro Allogens is well known, they isolate themselves due to their rejection of societal norms. Cryo Allogens on the other hand, choose to isolate themselves from others due to their pain. The Tsaritsa is defined by her pain, and despite surrounding herself with a court of some of the most powerful individuals on the planet, she is close with only her adopted daughter. Even then, their relationship cannot be called warm, even if it is intimate. 

Again, our President Costa-Brown is an excellent example of this. Though she is famed the world over, the only person she was truly close to was her husband, Wyatte. Even he did not see the full secrets of his wife’s soul before tragedy struck. 

Finally, it must be said that while all Allogens are known for their passion and absolute commitment to an Ideal, Cryo Allogens are most defined by emotion out of all of them. Before their arrival, some associated the cold with reason and logic. Now, Cryo Visions are most associated with people who’s passions overrule all else in their life. What that passion is varies. The Tsarita, as God of Love, is of course, defined by her Love, cruel and twisted as it may be. Others are defined by joy, some by sorrow, and frequently by rage. None are known for their sweet reason. 

Now, as to the nature of Cryo itself, it is a mistake to think of it as frozen water, or even the absence of heat. No, Cryo is the embodiment of Stasis, of the sucking away of Energy and holding it in place. Do not conflict Hydro with Cryo, for…

Author’s Note

This is the On the Elements where Dr. Mother is most mistaken in her analysis. She is particularly wrong about the timeline on Teyvat, as well as the Tsarita’s motivation. She is, however, correct on the traits that define Cryo Allogens. 

The Second Archon War: Interlude 14

Interlude 14: Plot Bunnies

“There’s something wrong with the moon.” 

Dr. Myung blinked, looking up from his laptop. He was currently working on a paper describing a brand new lifeform in the Narukami Trench, namely a type of giant and extremely hostile seahorse that was infused with Electro. There was only one on record so far, but it was extremely intriguing. “I’m sorry, what?”

The person standing in his door was a middle-aged professor much like himself, going a bit to seed from years spent doing desk work and peering through telescopes. Dr. Jinwoo Ha also worked at Seoul Nation University, though he was in the astronomy department. Myung recognized him not because of the facility meetings and get-togethers over the years, but rather because recently they’d been collaborating due to Myung’s expertise on Electro, and the fact that the lunar surface had recently been completely reshaped by Korea’s new goddess. 

“There’s something very wrong with the Moon. I want you to take a look to make sure I’m not going completely mad,” Dr. Ha repeated, coming up to Myung and thrusting a laptop at him. 

“I’m hardly an astrological expert, though I am rather familiar with the Moon’s effect on tides,” Dr. Myung said, accepting the laptop somewhat hesitantly. 

“Yes, but you’re the resident expert on Electro, and I want to be very sure that this isn’t a result of that,” Dr. Ha said, gesturing to the laptop.

On the screen was an incredibly high-definition photograph of the Moon, or so Dr. Myung assumed. He could see various craters that were marked, as well as some other notable features he didn’t recognize. There was one very odd thing, however. He zoomed in several times, then blinked. His eyes weren’t deceiving him. He looked up, frowning. “Is that…a house? And a garden? Are you sure an intern isn’t just playing a prank?”

“No. This is the Mare Moscoviense. We were remapping the far side of the moon, though at first, we didn’t think there had been many changes, unlike the very visible one on the near side. But then when I was going over the scans, I found this… irregularity. I was wondering if it could have somehow been caused by electro.”

“Er, no, I don’t think so,” Dr. Myung said, running a hand through his thinning hair. “Can we get a closer view?”

“The satellite won’t pass over for a few more hours, and then it will be on the far side so we won’t be able to communicate for several more,” Dr. Ha said, clicking. “However…we did find this.”

A few more clicks and a new picture was brought up and zoomed in on. A figure was walking across the lunar surface. It appeared to be wearing a dark jacket…and had two long ears sticking up from its head.

“Is that…an alien?” Dr. Myung asked, his heart pounding. And here he thought he had some interesting discoveries with the muted lifeforms in the Narukami trench. 

“Oh, it gets better,” Dr. Ha said. He zoomed in closer to the figure, and a few objects near them were revealed not to be rocks at all.

“Are those…rabbits?” Dr. Myung said, looking up incredulously at Dr. Ha.

“Oh good. I’m not going mad. Because I thought the same thing,” the other professor said, giving Dr. Myung a lopsided grin. He pointed to small lumps, which seemed to have white fluffy tails, and were hopping across the lunar surface. “There’s more plants and houses, and a rather large construction project they’ve got. It’s an entire village. Of rabbit people. And rabbits.”

“Are we sure it wasn’t from Sphere? He was trying to build a Moon base at one point, and he was captured and imprisoned by the Americans,” Dr. Myung asked. 

“No, that was in the Mare Crisium, the complete other side. And those habitats have long been dead. I think we have another suspect,” Dr. Ha said seriously. 

Slowly, Dr. Myung nodded. “I suppose so. It would make sense…”

Dr Ha coughed slightly. “You ah…wouldn’t perhaps be able to make introductions? I know you’ve worked with her in the past…”

“Yes, I think perhaps I might be able to. This calls for a few favors. I have got to know about this. If there are elemental lifeforms on the moon…” Dr. Myung picked up his phone, and made a few calls. 

The next morning, he and Dr. Ha drove out to the newly constructed Cheondungdal Seongso, or Divine Thunder Moon Shrine. It was located at the heart of Seoul, and housed the very first Sacred Sakara Tree, one planted there by Raiden Dalnim, though she had been Raiden Tsukoyomi at the time. Likely still was, as that was the Japanese name for their Moon God. 

There, a priest in purple robes was waiting for them, and led them into the heart of the Shrine, under the very boughs of the Thunder Sakura tree. There, they found two women sparring. 

One was a giant of a woman in a sports bra and boxing shorts, with heavily muscled arms, wielding a great axe. An Electro Vision sparkled on a thong around her neck, and she was vislbly sweating as she roared and whirled her axe about her, going at her opponent with everything she had. Dr. Myung recognized the infamous pirate (turned mostly legal entrepreneur) Captain Bukdu. 

Her opponent wore a purple dobok and bore a hwando that glowed white on one side, and was pitch black on the other. Her hair was short, save for two longer side bangs, with the back pulled into a tight tail at the nape of her neck. She was shorter than her opponent and much less muscled, but she flowed with a speed and grace that was nearly impossible to track. Raiden Dalnim didn’t look particularly divine at that moment in time, though she was still a preternaturally beautiful young woman, somewhere in her late teens or early twenties by appearance. Myung hazarded that meant she was restraining herself to only mildly superhuman at the moment. 

Despite his complete lack of understanding of the martial arts, Myung could still appreciate that the two combatants were skilled far beyond most mortals, and both were displaying abilities that far exceeded anything even peak humans could manage. Neither were using any elemental powers, though Myung knew from personal experience that Captain Bukdu’s were considerable, having seen her slay many a giant monstrosity that had emerged from the Narukami Trench, and saving Myung’s life on at least two occasions. 

After several minutes, both fighters suddenly froze. Bukdu’s axe was millimeters from Dalnim’s throat, which shocked Myung until he saw that her sword rested just on Bukdu’s side. Both were surely lethal blows if they’d connected. 

“Not bad, kid. But you’re too reckless,” Bukdu panted. “You should have waited for a better opening. That was an obvious trap.”

“Perhaps. But I have guests. I am afraid I was over-eager to end the bout,” Dalnim said, her tone even. She didn’t even have a drop of sweat on her. 

Bukdu laughed and lifted her axe at the same time that Dalnim removed her sword. Both weapons vanished with a gesture from their owners, though in Dalnim’s case, it looked like she sheathed her sword into her own heart, which was rather disturbing. 

“Oh hey, what’s up, Doc?” Bukdu said, striding over and grinning down at Dr. Myung as she slapped him heartily on the back. 

He winced but managed to smile at the gregarious sea captain. “I’ve come with my college Dr. Ha for a question of her Excellency.”

“Egghead stuff, huh? Bores me to tears! Good bout, kid! We’ll do it again when I’m back in port!” Bukdu said, waving merely before striding away from the courtyard. 

Both Myung and Ha turned and prostrated themselves before Dalnim as she stepped towards them. 

“Thank you, Most Divine Dalnim, for agreeing to this meeting,” Myung said reverently. Like most Koreans, he’d wholeheartedly embraced Dalnim as his goddess. Seeing her divine power overhead every night when the moon was more than a sliver was certainly more than enough to convince most unbelievers. Even more so when that woman provided security and power to the entire nation by her will. 

“Arise. I am given to understand this is an inquiry of an academic nature,” Dalnim said, nodding to academics. 

Both men winced slightly as they rose to their feet. Old age wasn’t for sissies. 

“Yes, Excellency,” Ha said as his knees clicked. “I was wondering…did you put rabbits on the moon?”

Dalnim blinked, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side. “I do not understand. I am the Moon. Ever have I been associated with rabbits in Korea and Japan both.”

“Er, yes, but, ah, we have been to the moon,” Dr. Ha said, coughing slightly.

“Have you? I do not recall hosting you,” Dalnim said, her brow furrowing slightly.

“Well, no, not us in particular…but mankind has,” Dr. Ha said with a cough. 

“Ah,” Dalnim’s expression grew stormy. “You speak of the Yankee trespassers. They will not be welcomed again.”

“Er, yes, the Apollo Missions,” Dr. Ha agreed. “It’s just…they proved rather definitively there was no life on the moon. Especially not rabbits.”

“Well. They were wrong,” Dalnim said simply. “I conferred with my court just this morning. They were hale, and the harvest is doing well. My palace will soon be finished, and then I shall host guests.”

“You…visit the moon?” Dr. Ha asked, looking poleaxed. 

“I am the Moon. It would be odd if I did not know myself,” Dalnim said, a hint of amusement entering her voice. 

“But, how do the rabbits breathe on the moon?!” Dr. Ha began, then slapped his forehead. “The interference! We thought it was just Electro, but…you put an entire ATMOSPHERE on the Moon?!”

“Ah, yes. I did notice the lack of Anemo on my body. I corrected this,” Dalnim said with a nod. “Perhaps that is why you were confused. Of course, I restored the Anemo to my surface. It is not my primary element, but it was a simple matter to change myself. I have been considering where to place my waters. I will consult Keiga on the matter. Already, I have had to ensure that the wells flow properly, but as the population grows, there will be need of larger waterways.”

“Wait so…you’re saying…you really are the Moon?” Dr. Myung pressed. 

Dalnim gave him a mildly annoyed look. “I am the God of the Moon. This is like questioning if my mother is not the Lightning’s Glow, or is not Eternity itself. Of course I am the Moon. I could not be the God of the Moon if I were not the Moon.”

“So…you just believed that there were rabbits on the moon…so of course there were,” Dr. Ha said, sounding stunned. 

“The texts I have consulted all indicated that there have always been rabbits on the moon. I find them quite charming,” Dalnim said with a nod. 

“She’s a god,” Dr. Myung said, only now slowly coming to the realization of what that truly meant. “Reality bends to her will. Not the other way around.”

“For scholars, you both seem somewhat lacking. Come. I tire of this. I will let your own eyes convince you,” Dalnim said. She turned, drawing her sword from her chest, then making a slash that rent the very fabric of space time. Both doctors gaped as they watched a wormhole form, which looked out upon a rocky grey landscape, with endless stars twinkling above it. 

“That’s…that’s the Moon,” Dr. Ha said, taking a step forward, his expression rapturous.

“I am right here,” Dalnim said, sounding amused again. “I give you leave to set foot upon me. I have already sent for Kroos. She will guide you.”

Blinking, Myung followed Ha through the portal, and out onto the Lunar surface. 

Instinctively, Myung looked up, expecting to see the Earth hanging in the sky above them. But no, this was the far side of the Moon, the Earth wouldn’t be visible.  However, the Sun was there, glowing brightly in the sky. It was actually quite warm at the moment, though not intolerably so. 

“The portal!” Myung gasped, as before his eyes, the window back to Earth simply winked shut. Both men stared for a moment, then Ha laughed. 

“Honestly? This is a dream come true for me! If I must die, dying on the Lunar Surface is a dream come true! Think of what we could learn, Ye-Jun!” Ha said excitedly. 

“I suppose,” Myung said, looking about. He spotted a plume of dust, then another, moving in their direction. He grabbed Ha’s shoulder and spun the man, pointing. Both scholars held their breath, then released it, both laughing. An enormous red rabbit was hopping towards them with great leaps and bounds, sending up clouds of dust as it landed. 

With one final leap, the rabbit launched itself at them, and Dr. Myung felt a pang of fear. He’d heard of killer rabbits before, and if this was a lunar breed created by a mad god…

With a puff of dust, the rabbit suddenly transformed into a young woman with reddish blonde hair, and a pair of bunny ears poking out above her head. Oddly, she still had a pair of human ears, which left a lot of questions about her biology. She was dressed in a green blouse and black shorts, with a purple jacket with the image of Dalnim’s face on the moon embroidered on the back. 

“Hii Hiiii!” the rabbit woman said with a cheery wave.  “I’m Kroos! Welcome to the Moon! Sorry if this isn’t a proper welcome, I’m a bit inexperienced, but I’ll do the best I can!” 

“It’s…a pleasure, Miss Kroos,” Dr. Ha said, bowing formally. Kroos returned the bow, and Myung hastily bowed himself. 

“Well, you’re both scholars, right? I’m not sure that we have any here on the Moon, at least, we didn’t! Why don’t I show you two around?” Kroos said. She had a bit of an odd accent that Myung couldn’t place, though she was speaking Korean clearly enough. “Come along, this village is just this way!” 

With that, the rabbit woman spun about and began to hop back with long leaping strides, though this time, she did it in humanoid form. 

With a shrug, Myung and Ha began to follow, though they were soon stumbling over themselves. The lack of gravity meant their movements allowed them to take great leaps, and both old men ended up sprawling all over themselves. 

“Goodness!” Kroos said, hurrying back to help them up, though it was much easier here than it would have been on Earth. “Are you both quite alright? That was a nasty fall!”

“No, it’s just…we’re not used to the lesser gravitation on the moon,” Ha said, trying to dust himself off, though the powdery dust had stained his dark trousers and suit jacket. 

“Ah, yes. I visited Earth once with her Excellency. Too heavy! Could barely make any jumps at all. Moving about’s much easier here!” Kroos said happily. 

“You did? I don’t recall any reports of a rabbit woman at the temple,” Myung said, furrowing his brow in thought. 

“Oh, it was very secret,” Kroos said with a giggle, putting a finger to her lips. “I stayed as a rabbit the whole time. Honestly though, moving about was so tiring! I just took a nap, really.” 

After a bit of practice, both men were able to follow Kroos across the Lunar surface, and a short while later they found a picturesque village set in a small valley. The buildings were made of wood of all things, though where they had gotten wood in the barren lunar scape was anyone’s guess. Still, it looked like a small Korean town from any time before the 20th century, or even a very rural village today. There was a small stone well at the center of the village, along with rice paddies full of water, and vegetable gardens. There were even chickens and cows in a barnyard that had grass growing in it. Indeed, the whole valley was rather green, with trees, flowers, grass, and several decorative bushes. 

“Incredible,” Dr. Ha breathed, shaking his head. He turned to Kroos with a bemused expression. “What do you eat?”

“Well, the same things you do, I suppose. Mostly rice and vegetables, though we do get milk and cheese with some eggs for protein,” Kroos said happily. “And some fish from the pond there, though honestly, I’m not fond of it.”

“You’re omnivorous then?” Myung asked eagerly. 

“Hmm, well, I suppose I’ll eat just about anything, but I really prefer a nice salad with greens and carrots! Perhaps with a bit of dressing if we’re feeling really fancy,” Kroos said with a smile and shrug. “Mostly it’s rice for us though! I do fancy a bit of rice with a nice egg for breakfast. Are you hungry? I’m sure we could find you something to eat!” 

Before they could answer, Kroos hopped off down the hillside excitedly. “Come along then! It’s about tea time, so we’ll scare something up!”

They mimicked her motion, bunny hopping down the hill, though they both fell and tripped over themselves twice, laughing like men a quarter of their age while they did it. Kroos seemed to find the whole situation amusing as well, and helped them up.

“Are you two quite alright? If you’re injured, we could go see the Doc Ansel, he’d fix you up right as rain!” Kroos said cheerily. 

“No, no, like I said, just getting used to the lighter gravity,” Myung assured her. 

“Fair enough, well, let’s just hop along to see the boss then!” 

Myung expected to be led to see Dalnim again, but instead, they went across the village and up a small hill with a few saplings to where a large building was being constructed. There were rabbit people everywhere, all of them wearing hard hats with little holes for their ears to poke out, and wearing safety orange vests. Kroos just waltzed right in, until a rabbit wearing a bandage eye patch and holding a stop sign in its teeth hopped up with a stop sign and transformed into a bunny girl to blow a whistle. 

“Ummm, Kroos…you’re supposed to wear safety gear at the construction site,” the girl said. She was lopeared, with the ears tied back by a pink ribbon, and a nametag that read “Popukar.” These rabbits had rather odd names. 

“Oops, silly me!” Kroos said, sticking her tongue out and striking the side of her head. “Right then, come on, boys. Let’s get you kitted up!” 

A short time later, hard hats and safety vests on, they headed over to a small platform where a rabbit woman in a vest was directing the construction with a set of blueprints. 

“Hi hi, Amiya! I brought our guests! They wanted to see the palace!” Kroos said cheerily. 

“Thank you, Kroos,” the woman said. She had on a white hard hat, though she still had on the safety gear, she wore a dress under it. She seemed rather young, actually none of the rabbits seemed much over 20. Unlike the others, however, she bore an Electro Vision. She turned to Ha and Myung and bowed respectably. “Welcome, honored elders. I am Amiya, leader of Tokkiwa Village. Her Excellency sent word you had questions about life on the moon. I will do my best to answer them.”

“How long have you been here?” Myung asked curiously.

“Not long, though it’s a bit hard to tell I suppose. By your calendar, I’d say no more than six months ago,” Amiya admitted. 

“It wouldn’t happen to be on June 20th of last year?” Myung asked. 

Amiya turned and consulted a calendar on her desk, then nodded. “No, not quite. Her Excellency found me on June 23rd. I’d received my Vision before then, though honestly, I’m not sure where. I remember living in a metal place, surrounded by wires and cages, and there were always humans there. They frightened me. I think I must have been experimented on in some sort of medical facility. They did some sort of procedure on me, and I slowly became aware I was trapped. I dreamed of more, of building something as great as the warren I saw the humans had built. And then I received my Vision and escaped with all the other rabbits. Then her Excellency found me, and brought us here.”

“You were at some sort of medical or cosmetic facility in Korea?” Myung asked, surprised. 

Amiya laughed and shook her head, and switched languages. “Actually, I started off speaking English,” she said with what Myung recognized as an Australian accent. “Her Excellency taught me Korean and Japanese, and when the other rabbits started to awaken, they all spoke English too at first.”

“You’re Australian then, or at least your accent is. Interesting, rabbits aren’t native there,” Myung mused. 

“Really?” Amiya brightened at that. “Fascinating! We never really knew. There are others who originated on the Moon, but they’re mostly wild. Every once in a while her Excellency brings one to us, or we find one that’s woken up.”

“Wait, so…there have always been rabbits on the moon?” Ha asked, sounding dazed. 

Amiya shrugged. “They were here before I came, anyway. It’s hard for them to articulate how long they were around too. Rabbits don’t experience time the same way humans do, though those of us who have awakened are rather closer to humans in that regard. Lady Dalnim calls us oktokki, but I prefer the term homo leporidia.” 

Oktokki. That was the name of the rabbit that lived in the Moon and made chapssaltteok, while Homo Lepordia…

“Would you mind terribly if I stayed a while and studied your people?” Myung found himself asking. “I’d have to let my wife know somehow, but this is an incredible opportunity. You must be like Miko Yae, the Japanese Kitsune, and her two retainers. Or that awakened owl named Ziz that’s been traveling the world. But to have a chance to study an entire civilization of near humans living on the moon…”

“For myself, I would ask to be able to study the Moon’s geology. There is so much we could learn, but with life spreading here, much of it will be lost if we do not act quickly. Additionally, this would make a spectacular place to build observatories to learn more about the universe! There is the matter of atmosphere now, but still, this would be better than any location on Earth I can think of,” Ha said eagerly. 

Amiya considered that. “I will have to ask her Excellency permission, but yes. There is so much we need to learn ourselves. Lady Dalnim has given us books, and a few of us have returned to Earth in disguise to learn the ways of humans, but still…” She gestured to the ongoing construction project. “We’re trying to build her Excellency a palace, and she’s given us materials, but we know so little of construction…we’re doing our best, but there’s only so much you can learn from books and Dailymotion tutorials.”

“I’m sorry, did you say…Dailymotion tutorials?” Myung asked, baffled. 

Amiya laughed. “Oh yes! Lady Dalnim set up what we’re calling an ansible relay. I dare say our ping is better than some people on Earth’s is! But yes, we’ve learned a lot by watching YouTube.”

Both older men shared looks, and shrugs. They vaguely had some idea of what online videos were, but neither were much accustomed to using the internet for more than email. 

They did, however, understand the implications of the relay.

“Instantaneous telecommunications between Earth and the Moon?” Myung gasped. “But it would normally take…how long, Ha?” 

“An average of 1.3 seconds one way, so two-way communications should take a minimum of 2.6 seconds. If she can do that…this changes everything,” Ha said with a shake of his head. “Still, this only reinforces that I would deeply love a chance to study here.”

Myung nodded his head. “I as well. This process of awakening you described it’s fascinating. I’ve been studying the effects of elemental energy and especially balethunder on living things, but seeing an entirely new species evolve…it’s the chance of a lifetime. Who thought that someone who studied oceanography would end up so invested in lunar biology?” 

“Excellent! I’ll have quarters prepared for both of you. Kroos, will you find a place to set up these fine scholars?” Amiya said.

“What’s that?” Kroos yawned, sitting up from where she’d turned back into a bunny and scratching her ear. Apparently, she could still talk, which opened even wider questions about how this all worked. “Oh, sure! We’re still building all over the place. Hard to burrow here, so we’ve had to build above ground, but we’ve got a nice cottage we can put you in, so long as you don’t mind sharing!”

Soon, both were settled in, and Myung was able to borrow a computer from Kroos to send a message to his wife. Eventually, she joined her husband on the moon, and the first true satellite campus of Seoul National University opened on the Lunar surface not long after. The world was shocked at the news of the first true aliens, but the Lepordians were close enough to humanity that most eagerly welcomed them. 

Humanity had at last escaped its cradle. But the question of if they would survive long enough to conquer the stars was still an open question. 

Winter was a relative term, and in Guadalajara Mexico, there was rarely if ever frost on the ground. Most of the time, the harvest season was year-round as plants matured at different rates, and even in the coldest month of February, there was work to be done.

The harvest this year, however, would be poor. Just over a year ago, the global snowstorm had devastated the blue agave that the region was famous for, and new plants were years from fully maturing. Workers were out in the field tending to them, but there would be very little to show for it this season. The only mature plants had been in greenhouses during the Scream, and that was only a fraction of the normal crop. 

A young man was kneeling amongst the agave. At first glance, he looked much like the other workers, with a weathered cowboy hat, a red and black flannel shirt, and dirty blue jeans. His fingernails had dirt under them but were unusually well-manicured for a farm hand, and while his hands were callused, his immaculate white teeth bespoke a more affluent upbringing than the workers around him. 

There was a sudden shout, and a few of the workers swore, jumping back as a plant suddenly burst out of the ground. The Whopperflower crackled with electro, swirling around vines that knocked over several hands. Swearing, the young man stood, and unstrapped a machete from his side. He raced towards the elemental creature as it fired off shots of energy, dodging several of them. He planted his feet and slashed down with near-perfect form, taking off a petal and causing ichor to splatter the ground. Other workers moved in with rakes, hoes, and axes, stabbing and jabbing at the creature. 

“Don’t let it get away, or it will ruin the whole crop!” the young man shouted, slicing again the the creature. He was forced back by the slashing vines from its head, swearing loudly. 

“Diego!” someone called, and the young man glanced to the side. Another young man about his age, though dressed smartly in khaki pants and a sports jacket, tie flying to the side, ran up, tossing a scabbarded claymore sword. 

“Carlo!” Diego laughed, grabbing the sword out of the air. Carlo had a cavalry saber in his hand, and saluted the whopper flower with it. “Didn’t know you were back already.”

“Just got in. You’re lucky I was passing by your truck. You should keep that thing with you, or it’s a waste of good money. That’s Toledo steel, you know,” Carlo said.

“Ha! Well, let’s see who puts paid to this thing,” Diego laughed, and the two young men attacked together. The whopper flower fought back, but with two skilled combatants facing it, it was soon cut down. 

Panting, Diego leaned on his sword for a moment and grinned at Carlo, who gave him a cooked smile. “Good to see you again, brother.” He stood and went over, embracing Carlo and pounding his back. 

“You as well,” Carlo said with a smile. “Tell me, are you finally going to see sense and sell this place?”

“What? How could you say that?” Diego said, looking rather offended as he held his brother at arms length. The two did not look alike at all: Diego was much darker in complexion and wore a beard and mustache that was neatly trimmed. Carlo was clean-shaven and lighter, with hazel eyes and hair that looked like it might have been blond when he was a child. Their features were not similar either, though both were tall young men who were easy on the eyes. “This is what father left to us!”

“To you,” Carlo said, and there was more than a bit of bitterness in his voice. 

“Bah! I’ve told you, what’s mine is yours. Ours. I can run the farm, and you can run the distillery and sell the finished tequila,” Diego said, turning away. 

“The business is finished,” Carlo said with a shake of his head. He gestured around. “What will be the crop this year, eh? We certainly didn’t have an Archon to come and green up our pastures. And after the Great Storm, well, I’ve heard you’ve gotten a cold snap.”

“It didn’t freeze, and it will be a wet winter, which is to our benefit,” Diego said, shaking his head. “Europe is a long way away, brother.” Raising his voice, Diego shouted, “Pedro!”

“Yes, boss?” an older man who had taken off his ballcap that read, “Tequila del Amanecer” with the logo of a rising sun on it. 

“I’m taking my brother to celebrate. You have this sorted?” he said, pointing to the dead whopperflower. 

“Sure thing, boss. Welcome back, Senor Carlo. You staying with us long, eh?” Pedro said with a smile. He had a weather-beaten face that had seen many long summers, and a gap-toothed smile with stained teeth from a life cigarette smoking. 

“We’ll see, Pedro. We’ll see,” Carlo said with a wave. 

The two brothers headed back up to the road, where a mudstained Toyota Hilux pickup waited beside a brand new dark blue Nissan Z sports car. “Aren’t you afraid you’ll scratch the paint?” Diego asked, inspecting the car. 

“It’s more fun to drive than a pickup. Here,” Carlo said, tossing Diego a key. 

He shrugged, taking out his own key and setting it on the dash of the Hilux. Pedro or one of the other workers would drive it back for him later. 

The Z roared to life, and Diego said over the purr of the engine, “It’s one of the new Electro-powered ones! No gas engine, but she’s fast!” 

“Oh? Well, let’s see,” Diego said, then put the pedal to the metal and squealed away, throwing up a cloud of dust as Carlo hooted with delight. 

They rumbled over the dirt road for a bit, until they came to a paved section where the car could really pick up speed, even on the winding country road. 

“So, University life not suiting you?” Diego said as the car sped along.

Carlo shrugged. “It’s fine. But I’m thinking of doing something new. I never wanted to spend my life behind a desk anyway.”

“You could spend it in the field with me,” Diego joked, but Carlo didn’t smile. 

“You’re wasting your time out there. You’re a wealthy man, Diego. You can hire someone to check the fields who knows more about growing agave than you ever could,” Carlo pointed out. 

“No, it’s like father said. You need to get your hands in the dirt and see your own crops. I have to honor his memory. Do things the old way. As the Rodrigez family has done for the past 100 years here in San Cielo,” Diego said, downshifting as he took the car through a tight turn, then accelerating again on the straight. 

“There’s no money in it. You could sell the land and make a killing in real estate ,” Carlo said with a shake of his head. 

Diego set his jaw and shook his head. “No. Our father, and grandfather, great grandfather, and great-great grandfathers all grew blue agave and made tequila. And someday, our sons will as well.”

“Suit yourself,” Carlo said with a shrug. “But things are changing. Have changed. And I’m changing with the times.”

“Oh?” Diego glanced at his brother, slowing down slightly as he drove along the road, passing more fields, most of which were his. They too had growing agave plants, though none of them had the healthy adult plants that could be harvested for their hearts, or pina, that would be made into tequila. It wouldn’t just be a problem for this year or even the next. It would be nearly a decade before the operation recovered, though they had some reserves to sell and a few plants that had survived, the whole farm was crippled. 

“You’ve heard about the Protectorate expanding recruitment, right?” Carlo prompted. 

Diego set his jaw again, a sullen expression coming over him as he turned back to the road. “I’ve heard they’re talking about annexing Canada and Mexico. And that they mean it this time.”

“Yes, and it would be a good thing. Mexico can’t stand alone, Diego,” Carlo argued. 

“The hell we can’t! Los Valientes is a strong cape team, and we don’t need the Protectorate,” Diego snapped. 

“And what if an Endbringer decides to pay us a visit, eh? The new Behemoth is said to be far stronger than it was before, and the Twins far more dangerous than even the Simurgh. What if the next one is even worse! Or, if we want to be really dark, what if an Archon shows up, or in Guatamala, or El Salvador, and decides to conquer us like the Tsaritsa did to Estonia and Ukraine?” Carlo demanded. 

“Maybe they wouldn’t be so bad. They could be like Nahida Saeed,” Deigo argued. “Or Venti. I like his music.”

“Or they could be the next Raiden Shogun and throw away our democracy that the cartels haven’t already plundered, or the damned Ice Bitch!” Carlo snapped. “No, Diego. Humanity can’t stand alone. And besides, there’s a Latina in the White House. If there was ever a time for us to join the EEUU, it would be now.”

“Fuck off with that! We are not bowing to the Gringos,” Diego snarled real anger in his voice now. “They might be bigger, but that’s because they’ve been stealing our land and oppressing our people for 150 years! You’d throw in with them just because-”

Diego cut himself off, his jaw working, but Carlo sneered at him and shook his head. “Because I’m half gringo, you mean?”

“You’re my brother. You were born here. You’re as much a son of Mexico as I am,” Diego said, but his voice was tight, eyes fixed on the road. 

“Well, what if I don’t want any more sons to lose their fathers to cartels with capes?” Carlo said, his voice far too mild. 

Diego didn’t respond right away, his lips moving as he very obviously counted to ten. When he spoke though, it didn’t seem to have helped much. “That’s a low blow and you know it. Besides, those bastards were dealt with. And we didn’t need the damn gringos to do it.”

“But the Protectorate is recruiting. Powers in a vial they say. And I’ve applied. And been accepted,” Carlo said.

Tires squealed as Diego slammed on the brakes. He turned to his brother in shock. “You what?! You know what they’re saying about those Delusions! Just because they captured a few of them-!”

“Not a Delusion. They have ways. And I’m not going to let someone else have that power when I can,” Carlo said with a shrug. 

“This is madness!” Diego snapped. “You know there has to be a catch! They wouldn’t just hand out powers!”

“They’re not. You have to sign over a lot. But I’m willing. I came to tell you. To let you know that there could be more than just farming and making booze. You’re smart, Diego. Talented. The sort they’re looking for. If more Mexican citizens join, then it could boost President Alexandria’s initiative to expand the Protectorate south of the border, and see Mexico join the only country that seems to be standing up for humanity against the monsters.”

“They’re not monsters! Yes, the Tsaritsa is bad, but you can’t tell me that the others are! Even the Raiden Shogun leads the most prosperous and powerful nation on Earth, and that’s AFTER that golden fucker nuked her trees!” Diego argued. 

“There are rumors about Nahida, you know,” Carlo said, his expression growing dark. “She kept Farasha around, and now she has that dragon. There’s something she’s doing with the Simurgh, too. I’ve seen posts online that she-”

“Dammit, Carlo!” Diego interrupted, slapping the steering wheel so hard the car honked. “No! No! She sent food to Mexico that will get us through the winter! She saved not just Baghdad, but New Delhi, and now Mecca! Something going on with the Simurgh?! What’s going on is Nahida prevented an Endbringer from slaughtering millions!” 

“Or she’s recruiting yet another monster to her banner. Not every tyrant starts with armies, but she does have weapons of mass destruction,” Carlo said with a shake of his head. 

Diego muttered something dark and turned the car back on, pulling back out onto the road. “You’re mad. You’ve fallen for the Gringo’s lies. Hook. Line. And sinker.”

“I just see the future. And the future is either Mexico joining with the United States, or being crushed by them, or an Archon. And neither option is acceptable to me,” Carlo said testily. “Open your eyes, Diego. The world is only going to grow darker.”

“Only if we allow it. By the Grace of God, we will come through this,” Diego said, gripping the steering wheel tightly as he turned off the road and toward Rancho del Amanecer. It was an mid 20th-century construction, built near a winding river and with plenty of pasture land. Horses ran on the range, and there were some cattle as well, though they were mostly a side project the amuse the Rodriguez family. There was also an orchard that had a variety of citrus, as well as peach and even a few pomegranate trees. Those were used to brew private-label wines and cordials, as well as provide fresh fruit for the master’s table. 

Diego pulled the Z up to the curb and got out, slamming the door behind him. Carlo was slower in getting out, though he looked just as perturbed as his brother. A young woman in a conservative skirt and blouse carrying a tablet and clipboard hurried up to Diego, then had to scurry to keep up with him as he stormed towards the house. 

“Adoncia. Cancel my appointments for tomorrow,” Diego growled. 

“Yes, Senor. I see you’ve talked with your brother already,” Adoncia said, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as they entered the main house. “He’s told you about dropping out, then?”

“And become a fucking cape for that two-faced bitch Alexandria,” Diego snarled. 

Adoncia paused, nearly missing a step before hastily catching back up. “I…see. A private dinner then, not the party I was planning?” 

“Private. The party can be for tomorrow night,” Diego said, coming to an abrupt halt and running a hand through his messy and tangled hair. He grimaced. “I thought my baby brother coming home would be a happy occasion. That we’d both grown out of…this.”

“I’ll schedule it then. Light on the alcohol for tonight?” Adoncia said, tapping away at her tablet. 

Diego grimaced and nodded. “The last thing we need is a repeat of the night before he left.” 

“I’ll make sure it’s the cheap plates that you can break then,” Adoncia said seriously. 

Diego laughed at that. “Perhaps for the best! Though hopefully, it won’t come to that. It’s just…how can he turn his back on all…this!” 

He gestured around the hallway, where portraits of the family hung. The first was of his great-great grandfather, Luis Rodriguez, standing in front of a modest house with his wife, a bottle of tequila in their hands. They had not been wealthy, not during their lifetimes. However, in the next picture his great grand father, Diego Rodriguez posed in a smart zoot suit. It had been during the Roaring 20s and prohibition, selling booze to smugglers that ran it north of the border, that the Rodriguez family had made their fortune. That money had been invested wisely by Diego’s grandfather and father, and now, he stood to lose it all. 

He could feel the weight of those eyes upon him. Feel the history in this home. He couldn’t be the Rodriguez who lost the family fortune and saw their empire turn to dust. Nor could he be the one that helped sell out his country to the Gringos. Not even if a blood traitor was sitting in the White house. 

“Well get through this, Adoncia. We’ll come out stronger than ever. This family, this country…the entire world! I’ve already started replanting the fields. Tequila del Amanecer will be more famous than ever, renowned the world over! And this town, this country, will not become some relic to serve other masters, but a prosperous new beginning!” Diego said, stepping up to the portrait of his father. 

Oscar Rodriguez stood smiling with his hand on the shoulders of two young boys, a blond American woman at his side. Carlo’s mother, Anna Miller. Diego’s own mother had died of Viral Meningitis when he was two years old, and he didn’t remember her at all. Anna had been the only mother he’d known from the age of four, and he’d loved her dearly, until…

“Do you miss them, Adoncia?” Diego said wistfully, putting his hand on the portrait, pain in his voice.

“Every day, sir. Your father was a good man, and it was Miss Anna who hired me in the first place,” Adoncia said, coming to stand beside Diego. She gave him a sad smile. “I was just a maid then.”

“A waste of your talents,” Diego said with a snort, turning to her with a lopsided grin. “You’re head of the house now, eh?” 

“More like orderer of your life,” Adoncia said with a shake of her head. “Now. I’m going to have to go make sure your brother keeps his hands off my girls. And they stay out of his bed. That’s the last thing we need.”

“Carlo,” Diego groaned, closing his eyes. “Yes. Please do. He can be charming when he wants to. And schedule a party for tomorrow night. Invite the usual.” 

Adoncia’s heels clicked away, and Diego opened his eyes. “Father…I wish you were here to give me guidance still. I thought I’d have you for years yet. Fuck those capes. They took you and mother too soon.”

Taking out a gold necklace, Diego kissed the crucifix. “Holy Mother, give me patience with my brother, and watch over this family…I’ll have to go to Father Juan later and confess. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, eh?”

With that, Diego turned and left to prepare for dinner.

As it turned out, he’d have a great deal to confess to Father Juan. The plates and glasses did not survive the dinner, and Carlo did not spend the night. He departed for the United States, never to return to Rancho del Amanecer.

Lines in the sand were being drawn. And the world was choosing sides. 

The Broad Side of a Barn: Chapter 1

The Broad Side of a Barn

Sighing, Kazuma slumped into the guild hall, scrubbing his face with his hand. It wasn’t even noon yet, so the tables were mostly empty of adventurers. He waved absently when Dust called out to him, then glanced around. To his surprise, none of his party members were here. Hadn’t the girls been bugging him to get up and take a quest? Well whatever, at least he was up before them for once. 

“Hey, Kazuma, have you heard?” Dust said, coming over and draping an arm over Kazuma and causing him to have to breathe through his mouth   to keep from gagging. Dust smelled like stale ale and piss; he’d probably passed out drunk in the alleyway again. 

“Uh, no,” Kazuma said, slipping out from under Dust’s arm. “What’s up?” 

“There’s gonna be a tournament! Baron Alderp’s holding one!” Dust said, pointing to a flier on the quest board. 

“That fat greasy bastard? What’s he holding a tournament for?” Kazuma said, going over to peer at the flier. 

GRANDE TOURNEY

A GREAT TOURNAMENT TO BE HELD IN HONOR OF HIS EXCELLENCY BARON ALDERP

JOUSTING

ARCHERY 

MAGECRAFT

& A GRANDE MELEE

CASH PRIZES TO ALL THE WINNERS

Kazuma raised his eyebrows at it. Archery, eh? Well, he might just have to enter into that. He could make off like a thief if he used his Snipe skill. He didn’t think there was anyone else in town who even came close to him. 

“Ah, Kazuma, good. Have you already found a quest? I am eager to once more go into the field,” a familiar voice said, and Kazuma looked up to see Darkness striding through the Guild doorway in her armor, Aqua and Megumin trailing along behind her. 

“Yeah, surprised I beat you here. But no, it’s better than a quest. If I bag the big prize, we won’t have to quest for months,” Kazuma bragged, pointing out the flier to Darkness. 

She examined it, her eyes narrowing. “So that’s what he meant,” she muttered as she examined the paper. 

“I see, I see!” Megumin cackled upon spying the flier herself. She swirled her cloak dramatically, her eyes glowing red. “If it is magecraft they wish for, then I, Megumin, Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, shall oblige them! I shall unleash my dark powers, and all shall bow before my mystic might!” 

“I don’t think they want someone to level the tournament grounds,” Kazuma said dryly. 

“Hmph. Mock me if you wish, unbeliever, but soon, I shall claim the prize, and become the CHAMPION OF MAGIC!” Megumin declared. 

Kazuma rolled his eyes and turned back to Darkness, who was frowning and had her arms crossed. “And I suppose you’re going to enter into the melee so you can have everyone beat up on you? Or the Jousting so a bunch of big strong men can break their long hard poles on you?” 

That got her to blush bright red. “I-I would normally not be a-adverse to throwing myself into combat…but, ah, perhaps not. There is another, more pressing matter.”

“And that is?” Kazuma said, taken aback. Since when had Darkness passed up a chance to get beaten up?

For a moment, Darkness looked nervous, even a little vulnerable. Then she shook her head. “Nothing. We simply need to complete as many quests and attain as large a reward as possible.” 

“Yeah I don’t buy that,” Kazuma said, shaking his head. “You’re some filthy rich noble. This has never been about the money for you. Why should you care?” 

“...I have my own reasons, Kazuma,” Darkness said, looking away. “Is it not enough that we are simply still in debt?”

“Whatever,” Kazuma said, but something told him that this was more than just Darkness’ usual perversion. There was something serious going on. “Pick a quest that’s not too insane and we’ll do it. We do still have to pay off that stupid debt from blowing up Alderp’s mansion.”

Which, if Kazuma won the archery contest, would be a breeze. 

“Let us pick a quest with a lot of monsters that I can quickly clear with my Explosion magic!” Megumin said eagerly.

“Ugh, just pick something easy with a big reward, so we can finish early and I can get some bubbly!” Aqua argued.  

Kazuma expected Darkness to talk about wanting one with a large, dangerous monster that could bat her around. Instead, she scanned the list, then picked up a quest. “Let’s take this one. A farmer needs help harvesting his sugar snap peas. The reward is the most substantial, and he simply needs experienced Adventures to beat them into submission before gathering them.”

“What, are peas secretly super dangerous or something?” Kazuma demanded. 

“What!? No! They’re not hard at all, and we won’t get XP!” Megumin complained. “They just pay well because you have to be gentle or they go bitter. I couldn’t use my Explosion at all!”

“That sounds easy enough, let’s do that one!” Aqua agreed.

Kazuma looked at the paper, then at Darkness, who regarded him earnestly. “We could use the money, Kazuma. It pays 20,000 eris per person, which together is 80,000.”

“Well, fine, I guess,” Kazuma said, scratching his head while Megumin groaned and protested. “Oh come on! You can let one off when we’re done. We do need the money.”

Megumin continued to sulk throughout the day, and Kazuma found himself whining along with her and Aqua. Harvesting the peas was incredibly tedious, and you did have to be very gentle with them. Unlike most vegetables that you could just beat into submission before stuffing them into the bag, you had to coax the sugar snap peas into the bag by gently tickling them. 

“AAAAAH! KAZUMA, HEEEEEELLPPPP!” Aqua wailed, once having somehow managed to tick off a bunch of peas, which were snapping at her with their little vines and leaving red welts all over her body. 

“Oh for- not AGAIN! Create Water!” Kazuma cried, spraying down the peas, then shouted, “Freeze!”

The frozen peas fell to the ground, while an Aqua-cicle thudded down, her teeth chattering. “T-thanks, b-best b-buddy…”

“Just stop ticking off the peas. You’re lucky freezing them keeps them sweet,” Kazuma grumbled, scooping the peas up into a bag. 

“Hey, that works pretty good,” Megumin observed. “Why don’t you and Aqua try freezing the entire field? It would make harvesting the peas much easier.” 

“Huh. That might work,” Kazuma said, looking around the field. He shrugged, then picked Aqua up, making her sneeze. “Alright, make with the water, and I’ll freeze the peas.”

Their plan ended up working out so well that the farmer offered them two sacks of frozen sweet peas to take home as a bonus, on top of their rather generous pay. 

“May I have one of the sacks?” Darkness said, looking nervous as Kazuma took them. 

“Sure, I guess,” Kazuma said, passing her a bag. 

“This is great, we can use the peas for all sorts of recipes!” Megumin said eagerly, then tugged on Kazuma’s sleeve. “Aren’t you forgetting something? It’s time for my metabolically necessary Explosion.”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Aqua, you take Megumin off for her daily kaboom,” Kazuma said, watching as Darkness took one of the bags of peas and slunk off. She was doing a really bad job of being stealthy, as she being so obvious that she was trying to be surreptitious that it stood out to a painful degree. 

Megumin let out a squawk of indignation, but Aqua nodded. “Sure! It’ll be fun! Come on, Megumin. We can stop by the Guild on the way home and get me an extra expensive bottle of bubbly!” 

Hurrying after Darkness, Kazuma employed his own much more proficient stealth skills to follow the Crusader. It was growing dark, and she had on her black bodysuit, so she would have been difficult to track, if she didn’t keep stumbling over herself since she was actually tiptoeing down the path. Seriously, she should leave the stealth to Kazuma. This was like watching an elephant try to sneak its way into a store. No matter how stealthy it was, it was still a goddamn elephant. 

Darkness snuck all the way across Axel to the other side of town, skirting along the city walls with her bag of peas. Kazuma easily kept pace, though for the life of him he couldn’t figure out where she was going. There wasn’t anything out here but the erisite monastery, but not the one where they did all the combat training. This was where they had a hospital and an orphanage, and it wasn’t like Darkness was sick. Did she have a secret love child she had to hide? No, that was stupid. She was so painfully a virgin that even Kazuma felt bad for her. 

When Darkness arrived at the monastery, she gave up her fruitless efforts at stealth after one last glance around, which Kazuma managed to avoid by ducking behind a tree. Then she headed to the rear of the monastery, knocking on the door. 

It was opened by a wrinkled old prune of a nun, who gasped when she saw Darkness outlined by the light spilling out of the doorway. “Lady Dustiness! What are you doing here, at this late hour?”

“I have brought something for the children’s dinner,” Darkness said, taking the large sack of peas off her shoulder. “Here. I know it’s not much, but…it’s what I can do right now.”

“MISS TINA!” a voice squealed from inside, and Darkness suddenly grinned as little feet pounded on the floor. Before long, she was surrounded by a dozen orphans, ranging in age from six or seven to little ankle biters. Kazuma figured there weren’t any older kids simply because past the age of eight or nine, kids could be apprenticed out and start earning their own keep. 

“Hello, everyone,” Darkness said, affectionately patting the head of a buck-toothed boy. “My, Josiah. I see your front teeth have finally come in.”

“Uh huh! What’d you bring us?” Josiah asked. 

“Lady Dustiness has brought us some wonderful peas!” the old nun gasped, and the children squealed in delight. Weird. Kids shouldn’t be so happy about getting peas. Kids were supposed to hate peas. “Lady Eris be praised, there will be dinner after all tonight!” 

“PEAS PEAS PEAS!” the children chanted, dancing around in excitement. 

Oh. Well, maybe peas for dinner beat the hell out of going hungry. What the heck? Why was Darkness bringing peas to an orphanage? Couldn’t she just make a donation or something?

“I really should be going, and I don’t want to interrupt your dinner,” Darkness said, taking out her day’s pay and passing it over to the nun. “Here. This should buy you meals for the next week or so. I’ll make arrangements after that.”

“Thank you, Lady Dustiness,” the old nun said, taking Darkness’ hand and squeezing. “Won’t you stay for dinner? The children have missed you so, and they would so love to hear more of your stories.”

“PLEASE STAY, MISS TINA!” the children all begged.

Darkness laughed, and nodded. “Very well. I suppose someone has to help Sister Martha cook you all supper. 

“YAAAAAY!” the children squealed, and the door was pulled shut, leaving Kazuma skulking behind a shrubbery in the yard, and muffling further conversation. 

“What the hell is going on?” Kazuma muttered, standing up and brushing off the leaves. This really didn’t make any sense. Since when had Darkness cared about orphans? Admittedly, Kazuma didn’t really know what Darkness got up to when she took her frequent trips away from the party. He’d assumed she was doing noble stuff, like going to parties or taking fancy vacations. Not cooking dinner for a bunch of snot-nosed brats. Something was up, especially her handing over her pay like that. Was this seriously why she was so desperate for cash?

Deciding he needed to get to the bottom of this, Kazuma crept forward and hid beneath a window on the orphanage, listening closely as Darkness and Sister Martha set about cooking the peas. 

“-didn’t know what we were going to do, so I was leading the children in prayer when you arrived,” Sister Martha was saying. 

“I’m sorry I was delayed, we spent all day harvesting the peas. I’m just glad I had something to bring you tonight, the markets are already closed,” Darkness replied. 

“You’re a blessing from Eris, Lady Dustiness. I don’t know what the children would do without you,” Sister Martha said as the pots and pans clanged and rattled as they started cooking. 

“I shouldn’t have to do anything,” Darkness said. She didn’t sound bitter so much as outraged. “This is Baron Alderp’s land. It’s his responsibility to care for these children.”

“Well, with his mansion destroyed, he cut off all our funding, not that there was much to begin with. And, well, with him saying that he’ll have to seize the orphanage and sell the land…we won’t have anywhere to house the children,” Sister Martha fretted. 

“I’ll handle it. There will be a home for these unfortunates. The Dustiness Family has not forgotten our obligations to the people, not even the least of them,” Darkness said. 

“Thank you, but you shouldn’t trouble yourself. These aren’t your lands, and your family is suffering enough, with your father ill and that unfortunate debt he accrued.”

Kazuma’s ears perked up. Darkness’ father was sick? The man was a goofball and a weirdo, but Kazuma didn’t wish old Ignis any misfortune, even if he’d raised a massive pervert for a daughter. And what was that about debt?

“Yes, well, I knew the risks, as did my father. But it wasn’t right what was going to happen to Kazuma. Besides, he’s my party leader. I had to do something,” Darkness said with a sigh. “If this doesn’t work…I’ll have to give in to his offer. He’s hinted all this will go away if I agree to marry him.”

Marry him? Who? Alderp!? That fat old bastard?! No way in hell that Kazuma would-

“Hey there, Kazuma! Whatcha doin’? Not robbing the orphanage, I hope. They wouldn’t have anything good anyway.”

Kazuma let out a yelp and jumped up so high he hit his head on the ledge of the window he’d been eavesdropping under. 

“WHO GOES THERE?!” Darkness thundered, and a moment later, her head stuck out of the window, glaring around. She started. “Oh! Chris, Kazuma? What are you doing here?”

Kazuma blinked away stars to see Chris the Thief grinning down at him, a sack over one shoulder and another at her feet. “I was just stopping by to drop off some of this cheese and bread that fell off the back of a wagon I happened to find. Kazuma agreed to help me, didn’t you, Kazuma?”

“Uh, sure?” Kazuma said, rubbing his head. He was going to have a lump there; he just knew it. 

“Chris…you didn’t steal to feed the orphans, did you?” Darkness sighed. 

“I told you, it fell off the back of a wagon! Don’t sweat it. Come on, Kazuma! Let’s make sure those kiddos have something to go with their pea soup,” Chris said with a wink.

Reluctantly, Kazuma took up the bulging sack that Chris handed him. It proved to be full of cheese wheels, and was a lot heavier than it looked, unlike the bag stuffed with bread that Chris shouldered. They made their way over to the front door, where over eager orphans greeted Chris with the same enthusiasm they’d shown Darkness. 

“MISS CHRIS!”

“DID YOU BRING US CANDY!?” 

“DID YOU ROB THAT NASTY BARON!?”

“Now, now, children,” Chris said, wagging a finger. “Stealing is wrong.”

The kids all nodded soberly until Chris winked at them and stuck out her tongue. “Unless it’s from no good rotten nobles! Then it’s fair game! BREAD FOR EVERYONE!”

“YAAAAAAAY!” the children screamed, especially when it turned out the “bread” was at least half cookies and pastries that seemed to have come from a very wealthy kitchen. 

“Poor Alderp will be missing his morning turnovers. What a shame,” Chris said as she handed a cherry pastry over to a little girl of no more than three, who immediately stuffed half of it into her mouth with a squeal of delight. 

“Chris, you’ll ruin their appetites for dinner!” Darkness said, hurrying over and giving Chris and Kazuma exasperated looks. 

“Eh, they haven’t eaten all day. I’m sure they’ll find room for soup,” Chris said with a shrug. She pulled out a greasy package of paper and held it up. “Alderp will be missing his morning bacon too! I’ll just pop over and toss this in the pot with Sister Martha!” 

The kids all ran off to follow Chris, leaving Kazuma alone with Darkness in the main room. The floor was worn but clean, and while there wasn’t much furniture, the room was spacious enough, with a large table set with chipped wooden plates and cups.

Kazuma rubbed the back of his head, uncertain how to explain his presence.

“Thank you,” Darkness said, taking Kazuma’s hands in hers and squeezing firmly. She had tears in her eyes, which baffled Kazuma. “I…I didn’t want my burden to become the party’s, but…thank you. It means a great deal to the children.”

“Uh, no problem,” Kazuma said, mostly because he really hadn’t done anything. He coughed, looking aside in embarrassment until Darkness dropped his hands. “So, uh, that money…you’re trying to save the orphanage or something?”

“Yes,” Darkness admitted. “Though not just that. My family is in a great deal of debt…though you shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Why?” Kazuma said, growing irritated. “Because it was my debt you took on?” 

Darkness bit her lip. “...not just that…”

“Oh? What else did you do?” Kazuma demanded. “Offer to rebuild the whole damn town or something?”

“...yes,” Darkness admitted, and Kazuma’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “It was the flood first, then the Destroyer. Alderp foisted the debt for all that on our family, as I was there as a representative. And, well, he threatened to have my party imprisoned or executed. And when his mansion was also almost destroyed…it looked bad. And with my father falling ill suddenly, we can’t collect from our estates since he can’t protect them. I would do so myself, but I’m trapped here, and I, well, I’m not as good a warrior as he is.”

“...oh,” Kazuma said, his heart sinking. “So what you’re saying is, you’re the one paying for all our fuck ups.”

“I was there too, Kazuma,” Darkness said with a sigh. 

“Uh huh. Sure. And so you decided you had to do all this on your own?” Kazuma demanded, folding his arms over his chest. 

Darkness bit her lip. She actually looked kinda cute, now that she was acting like a proper lady and not a depraved degenerate. Though admittedly, that side of her was a lot more fun than this dour mess. “It is my duty as a noble.”

Before Kazuma could argue further, the kids ran back in with Chris. “STORY TIME, STORY TIME!” they demanded loudly. 

“I, ah, I am afraid I have no new stories,” Darkness said as the children danced around her. “All we did today was harvest peas…”

“I bet Uncle Kazuma knows a story!” Chris said, pointing at Kazuma. 

The children all turned to Kazuma, their big eyes shining with hope. 

“...uh, who wants to hear the story of…um…the great Kirito of Aincrad?” 

“YAAAAAAAAY!” the children cried, and dragged Kazuma over to the table, where they all sat down, eagerly looking at him. Chris and Darkness shushed the children, while Sister Martha looked in from where she was stirring the soup. 

“Uh, well, you see…” Kazuma took a deep breath. “It all began a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. You see, there was once a magical city called…Sword Art Online…”

“...and then, Kirito lifted up his sword and cried, ‘NO, SACHI! IT’S A TRAP!’ But it was too late! Sachi opened the cursed chest!” 

“OOOOOOO!” the children all gasped, their eyes locked on Kazuma as he gestured widely. 

“A great bell began to sound, and MURDER GOLEMS began to appear from hidden trapped doors! The Black Swordsman and his party were surrounded and trapped, as the doors to the treasure room slammed shut! How could he possibly escape!?” Kazuma wailed. 

“Well, you’ll have to find out later, because the soup is ready!” Sister Martha called from the kitchen. “Everyone get washed up.”

“NOOOOOO! We want to know what happens to Kirito and the Black Cats!” Josiah wailed. 

“Later. You’ll just have to convince Uncle Kazuma to come back and tell you more stories later,” Chris said as she herded the children towards a wash basin. 

Dinner was a chaotic affair, and Kazuma found himself with a young boy named Marcus on his lap that he had to help feed, which mostly involved getting pea soup everywhere. He looked up in annoyance, only to find Darkness with two little girls perched on her knees as she fed them, each no more than two. Chris had a little baby in one arm that she was spooning soup into, somehow avoiding getting any at all on herself, while Sister Martha supervised the other children. 

Darkness looked up to meet Kazuma’s eyes, and the smile she gave him nearly made his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t used to women looking at him like that. She laughed and shook her head. “Kazuma, the point is to feed Marcus, not paint him green!” 

“...uh, yeah, um, I’ll get right on that,” Kazuma stammered, and hastily set about using a rag to clean the boy up.

Afterward, Kazuma somehow ended up in the kitchen with the older children supervising cleanup while Darkness and Chris helped Sister Martha get the children ready for bed. By the end of it, Kazuma was exhausted, soaked, and smelled rather strongly of pea soup. 

“Thank you so much for coming,” Sister Martha said, bowing to Kazuma and Darkness as they stood on the threshold. “The children so enjoyed your stories, Master Sato. Please, return with Lady Dustiness any time you like. They would so love to hear more of your stories.”

“Uh, no problem. You take care of those rugrats. We’ll make sure the orphanage doesn’t close,” Kazuma promised. “We’ll win that tournament and stick it to Alderp.”

“Thank you,” Martha said, tears in her eyes as she bowed again. “Lady Eris bless you both.”

“They’re all down for the count,” Chris said, yawning as she appeared in the doorway. “You can walk Darkness home, right Kazuma? Great, good night! I’m off to bed.”

Kazuma blinked, as the door was shut behind them, leaving him alone with Darkness in the, well, night. 

“I mean, we live in the same place,” Kazuma muttered. “And really, you’re the one walking me home. If something scary jumps us, you’re the one fighting it, not me.”

“That is not a very noble thing to say, you wretched man,” Darkness said, but her teeth flashed in the shadows, and Kazuma could hear the smile in her voice. 

They set off together, walking along the darkened path. Darkness stumbled several times, but didn’t complain. 

“Don’t you have a torch or something?” Kazuma asked as she picked herself up from tripping. 

“I neglected to bring one,” Darkness admitted. “It is fine, I do not mind a few scrapes and bruises.”

“Oh knock it off, come here,” Kazuma grabbed her hand. “Just walk with me, I can see just fine thanks to my Thief skills.”

“A-ah! K-Kazuma! Y-you should not simply seize a lady's hand at night!” Darkness protested. 

“So, do you want to keep tripping, or do you want to get home at a reasonable hour?” Kazuma demanded.

Darkness whimpered and shivered, but she gripped his hand so tightly that Kazuma let out a help. “Hey! Some of us are breakable!”

“O-oh, s-sorry. You must think me a clumsy gorilla,” Darkness muttered, though she didn’t let go of Kazuma’s hand. 

“You’re not hairy enough to be a gorilla,” Kazuma told her. “Maybe a baboon. No, a booboon. No monkey had such enormous tits as you.”

“K-kazuma! And when I was thinking you were actually a gentleman! You were actually respectable with the children!” Darkness protested. 

“Pff, don’t try that. You might have acted all warm and motherly with those kids, but I’ve seen you at your most degenerate. If those kids heard the noises you make when you throw yourself at a monster, they wouldn’t think you such a saint,” Kazuma snapped.

“Y-you truly are a most infuriating man. H-how can someone be such a proper and upstanding individual mere minutes ago, then turn into a foul-mouthed lech the moment darkness hides his actions!?”

“I dunno, how can a rich girl go from wanting to save the orphanage to walking alone at night with a known panty thief?” 

Darkness walked alongside Kazuma quietly for a moment, though he could see her blushing. Then the heavy breathing started. 

“You…you have never stolen…m-my panties…”

“Huh. You’re right,” Kazuma mused. “And here we are in the dark, with you barely able to see. And you do owe me for that bag of peas. And both our paychecks. Damn kids stole mine.”

“What?! They did?! Kazuma, if they have truly relieved you of your purse-”

“Relax. I hid it in Sister Martha’s room when she wasn’t looking. She clearly needs it more than I do,” Kazuma muttered, now grateful the night hid his own flush of embarrassment. 

They walked along in silence for a moment, then Darkness suddenly stopped, nearly yanking Kazuma’s arm out of his socket. 

“W-well?”

“Well, what?” Kazuma said.

“O-oh. Um, n-never mind…i-it would not be proper,” Darkness muttered. 

A grin stole over Kazuma’s face. “Hey, let go of my hand for a second, I need to tie my shoes.”

“Oh! S-sorry,” Darkness stammered and hastily dropped Kazuma’s hand. 

He took a step back, then another. Then he reached out both hands. “STEAL!” 

Darkness let out a shriek, covering her chest and groin with her hands as two pieces of warm and lacy fabric fell into Kazuma’s hands. 

“Damn, this is huge,” Kazuma said, sniffing at Darkness’ bra. “I could fit my whole head in here!” 

“K-Kazuma!” Darkness gasped, though Kazuma could see the blush and goofy grin on her face. “Y-you vile wretch! You tricked me!” 

“I did indeed,” Kazuma said, tying the bra under his chin so that the cups rested on the side of his head. It really was so big that he could lose himself in it, so he had to be careful. “You’re rather gullible, you know.” 

“G-give them back! A-a lady cannot be expected to walk home in such a state!” 

“Well, good thing I’m walking home with Darkness, perverted Crusader, and not Lady…what was her name again?”

Darkness let out a mewl of embarrassment… “Please don’t say it…”

“I promise not to say your name, if you promise not to break my arm for taking your panties and bra,” Kazuma said, stuffing the panties into his belt pouch after a good sniff. 

“Y-you cur! This is blackmail!”

“Damn, too bad it’s not extortion. That’s your favorite.”

Slowly, Darkness stood up straight, lowering her hand from her chest. Her nipples were rather pronounced now that her bra was gone, and Kazuma blessed his night vision. “V-very well. So long as you promise to guide me safely home. Otherwise, I will claim I was accosted by a highwayman, and had to defend my dignity with my fists!” 

“Oh please. I bet it’s one of your fondest fantasies to be accosted by a highwayman,” Kazuma said, taking Darkness’ hand again. “Now come along, my lady. We don’t want some rapscallion to steal your virtue on this night.”

They made their way back without much further interruption, with Darkness pressing herself close to Kazuma as they walked along the darkened path. When they reached the lights of the mansion, Darkness hesitated.

“Um, K-Kazuma, m-my…um…my delicates?” she stammered. 

“I thought they were payment,” Kazuma said, adjusting her bra around his head. 

“B-but what if the other see you! I-It is most improper!” Darkness gasped. 

“Well, you’d better hope they’re already in bed, huh?” Kazuma said, then dropped her hand and took off and a dead sprint.

“KAZUMA!” Darkness squawked, then pounded after him. 

Kazuma had just enough time to realize that even his Escape Artist skill wasn’t enough to keep him away from the only person in his party who did daily cardio when Darkness caught up to him, grabbing him from behind and lifting him up. He tried to wiggle out of her grip, but the Crusader had a grip as strong as adamantium, and all he managed to do was find himself face to face with Darkness.

“I-I will take my bra back,” Darkness said, plucking it off of Kazuma’s head. “I, um, they are very expensive, a-and custom made. It is…difficult…to find proper support.”

“Urk,” Kazuma wheezed, by virtue of all the air being forced out of his lungs. 

“But…thank you, Kazuma. Thank you for caring,” Darkness whispered. Then she closed her eyes, and rammed her face into Kazuma’s. Their teeth clacked, and Kazuma’s head spun. Then she dropped him.

“N-now if I must give myself to Alderp…h-he cannot steal what I have given away!” Darkness panted, then she turned and fled into the mansion. 

Kazuma rubbed at his lip, and his fingers came away slightly bloody. “That bitch! She stole my first kiss! If you can call that a kiss…sheesh.”

With a groan, Kazuma picked himself up. Then, a slow grin spread over his face, and his hand wandered to his satchel. Well. He still had one prize from this evening. 

Whistling through the new crack in his tooth, Kazuma strode off to find Aqua and make her fix his chipped tooth. 

The New Map of Europe

How Europe looks after the Great Archon Landscaping Project concluded.

The Second Archon War: Interlude 13

Interlude 13: The Broken Land

Standing amidst the ashes, Jing Tianqiong wanted to cry. He looked around, at where the apartment buildings had once stood, but now nothing but twisted metal, ash, and a few broken bits of masonry were left. 

“It wasn’t my best work, but did they really have to burn it down?” he said plaintively. A few people around him were picking through the still-warm ashes, but there wasn’t much hope they’d find anything.

The mental plans for the building were still strong in Jing’s mind, so he walked to right where his apartment would have been. Well, five stories up, but still. He traced out where the walls would have been, his desk, his bed, a few landscape paintings. There was a hunk of concrete there, so Jing sat, taking off the backpack he had on. He opened it up, rummaging around until he found the rest rolled-up paper, and spread it out, looking down at the building plans. 

“Just another uninspired apartment block, I know. But still…I built it. It would have stood up to almost anything,” he said forlornly. His gaze wandered over to the burned-out building across the street, and he winced. “Damn parahumans…”

A young boy digging through the ashes paused and eyed Jing skeptically for a moment. 

“What? No, I’m NOT a parahuman, see!” Jing dug out his Vision and held it up, pointing to it. “Dendro Vision! Not a Parahuman!” 

“Sure, mister! It was pretty cool when you beat up the other guy though. Sort of wish you’d done it before he burned the building down though,” the kid said. 

Sighing, Jing stuffed the scroll back in the pack and went over. He towered over the boy, who cringed at his approach, so Jing squatted slightly so they were on eye level. “Hey, what’s your name, kid?”

“Bao,” the kid said, giving Jing a gap-toothed grin. “Got any food though? I haven’t seen my parents since the fire, and I’m getting kinda hungry…”

Unfortunately, Bao’s parents were likely dead. Or they’d abandoned him. He looked to be about eight, with messy dark hair and an ash-covered face. Sighing, Jing went back to his pack and pulled out a small container of rice and gave it to Bao. “This is all I have. If you can’t find your parents, come find me later, OK?” 

“You got it, Mister!” Bao agreed eagerly, grabbing the rice and hiding it under his shirt before scampering away. There were too many in the city like him. Too many for Jing to feed. He looked around at the rubble and sighed again. It hadn’t been such a bad building…

He’d always dreamed of designing the most wonderful buildings. He had plans for them in his backpack. Designs inspired by traditional chinese architecture, by nature, blends of tradition and modern technology, with built in solar panels in the windows and so much more. But now he’d never get to use them. 

No. One day he would. One day, he’d rebuild Shanghai. More glorious than ever. 

Tucking his Vision in his pocket, Jing raised his voice. “Right, um, if you’re injured, or have injured family members…I can help them. I’m not the best healer, but…”

For a while, no one approached, and Jing just stood there. Then, a woman with an ash blacken face hesitant stepped forward. “How much?”

“I mean, I don’t know how much I can help, but I’ll do my best,” Jing said, trying to smile reassuringly. 

The woman shook her head. “No, how much for the healing. My daughter…she was burned in the fire. Badly. I don’t know-”

“Well don’t just stand there, where is she!?” Jing demanded, rushing forward and grabbing the woman’s arm before she could flinch away. “Hurry, if her life is in danger, we have to move quickly!”

“Yes, but how much will you charge? I…I can only offer my body. We, we have nothing, everything was lost in the-”

“Confound it woman, you don’t charge for emergency medical care when someone’s life is in danger, you just help them! The charge is you stop talking and just show me who’s hurt!” Jing snapped, feeling awful that he was berating this poor woman. Paying with her body. She definitely wasn’t his type. 

She started crying, which made him feel worse, but then she was thanking him and bowing, then towing him over to an alleyway where an older boy and a younger girl were curled up on the hard ground in clothes that smelled of soot. The boy had only a few minor scrapes and bruises, but the girl was unconscious, with second and third-degree burns all over her body. 

“Merciful heavens, please grant me strength,” Jing muttered, kneeling and taking the girls burned hands gently in his with one hand, clutching his Vision with the other. There was so little Dendro here, but Jing was going to do all he could regardless. He wove what elemental energy he could into the girl, soothing away her burns and healing her hurts. 

When he was done, Jing felt drained, but he held the girl, hoping he’d done it right. Her mother clutched at the girl’s brother, crying as the girl lay still. Had he killed her?

The the girl’s eyes fluttered open, and she sucked in a breath. “M-mommy?”

Smiling, Jing stepped away as the mother hugged her daughter tightly. He turned away, only to find several more people, carrying injured reletives or hobbling along on their own, lined up, looking at him with hope.

He groaned. “Alright, actually, I am going to charge.”

The people all looked disappointed, a few made to move off, some reached for money. He hastily clarified. 

“Look, I can’t do this without food, and some Dendro. I need green living plants. Also the aforementioned food. This takes energy, and if I don’t eat, I can’t heal.”

He was soon surrounded by a large number of potted plants that had miraculously survived the fire, and pressed with all the rice and boiled vegetables he could eat. He stuffed himself to bursting, not because he was a glutton, but because he really was burning a tremendous amount of energy as he worked his way through the lamed and crippled residents. 

“Sorry about all this. I didn’t think challenging that parahuman to a fight would end this badly,” Jing told a cute young man as he finished healing him. Not really his type, he prefered more of a muscle-man, but still. 

“Sir, if you hadn’t fought that demon, he would have raped my girlfriend. Thank you,” the boy said.

Damn. The cute ones were always taken. Oh well. “It was my honor.”

It was midafternoon before Jing was forced to tell the now endless line of injured that he simply had to take a break. He was completely dry of elemental energy, had a pounding headache, and was about to pass out. Someone had erected a tarp over his head, so he lay back and tried to take a nap, surrounded by flowers and ferns. He closed his eyes, and tried to dream of peace. 

“There you are. Get up. We’re wasting time.”

“Even in my dreams I can’t get any peace,” Jing said, gritting his teeth at the extremely familiar and incredibly grating voice spoke. 

Something nudged his side, right where he was most tender. “Stop loafing around. If you had any motivation, you’d have actually done something with yourself instead of ending up in a back alley like this.”

It wasn’t a dream. Jing bolted upright, glaring up at the man looming over him. “YOU! What are YOU doing here!? Wasn’t breaking my heart and making me miserable TWICE enough for you?!”

Adjusting his glasses, Wang Xiaotong frowned down at Jing. He had short cropped hair that was going grey early, was wearing a black turtleneck that looked spotless, with khaki slacks that actually had a crease on them, and black leather combat books. Actually, the black leather combat boots were new. Previously the man had only ever worn the most expensive of dress shoes. Despite the fact that he was just as much of an academic as Jing was, Wang’s neck was simply enormous, as were his arms and upper body. Jing also know from experience that Wang never skipped leg day, and had well-toned thighs and legs. 

“This is why we always come into conflict. This isn’t about you, Jing. It’s about my work.”

“Oh, it’s ALWAYS about work with you!” Jing said, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “What, did I leave my coffee on one of your damn equations again and ruin the whole thing?!”

“No. Though I am given to understand that you had a little spat with a parahuman with fire-based powers, which has finally cut off power to my house. Meaning I can no longer work, as it is too dark,” Wang replied. 

“Well use a chalkboard and paper for my ancestor’s sake! Don’t come crying to me about it! I’m an architect, not an electrician!” Jing huffed, folding his arms over his chest and glaring up at the annoying hunk. 

“I have considered this solution. It is inefficient. Modern computing is required to solve more intricate equations. Besides, my latest paper is saved on my hard drive, and I will need power to be able to retrieve it,” Wang stated. “Additionally, I have had a deplorable lack of good food lately, which has hampered my productivity. We’ll also need to secure supply lines and get the farmers back to work.”

“And you’re coming to me about this…why? Just to piss me off? Can’t you see I have important work here?!” Jing demanded, gesturing to the cowering people, many of them injured. 

Wang turned to regard the people, stroking his chin, which had far more stubble than it usually did. “Hmm. Yes. We will also need to institute effective medical facilities if I am to continue my work. This is hardly sanitary, or efficient.”

“Well, it’s all there is, so unless you-” Jing began, only to cut off when Wang pulled out a Dendro Vision of his own. Half against his own will, he popped to his feet, his mouth hanging open. As usual, it annoyed him that blocky Wang was eight centimeters taller than he was. Or, well, he was more turned on, but the man was a heartless bastard so it didn’t matter. 

“I forgot to mention I have also attained a Vision. I apologize. Come. The first thing we will need to do is to acquire adequate weaponry. I believe I know where to locate some,” Wang said, turning away.

Jing grabbed the other man’s arm and spun him about. “Weaponery!? Wang, what in the ten layers of hell are you talking about?!” 

“Obviously, we are going to conquer Shanghai,” Wang said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “This city is in a completely deplorable state which makes it impossible for me to do any meaningful work. Since no one else seems capable of rectifying this, we will have to do it ourselves.”

“Conquer- are you INSANE?! No, of course you are. You can never see beyond your damn scribbles!” Jing ranted. 

Wang frowned. “They are highly complex mathematical formula which you could understand if you weren’t so busy wasting your time with purely non-functional decor.”

“For the last time, no one wants to live in your soulless block houses. YOU don’t want to live like that! You had a very tasteful house, especially after I was done with it! And you even ADMITTED you worked better when the Fung Shui was in alignment!” 

“That’s only because it was mathematically harmonious. Not because of any ancient superstitious nonsense,” Wang said dismissively as he turned and started walking again. 

“Now you listen here. I am not embarking on any mad crusade with you!” Jing argued, hurrying to keep up. “If you get yourself killed, don’t come crying to me!” 

“Obviously, if I am killed, I will not be doing anything, as I will be dead,” Wang said flatly. “Stop being irrational.”

“And you stop with your stupid logic! Which, by the way, was your one semi-redeeming quality,” aside from his rock hard abs, “that you seem to have completely thrown away. Conquer Shanghai!? How!?”

“It’s completely logical. There are relatively few Parahumans or Vision Holders in the region. You’ve proven yourself quite a capable combatant by defeating that firebug yesturday. I have done the same by routing General Shu and his Tinkertech armed troops last month.”

“Wait, that was YOU!? You defeated an entire army?!” Jing demanded. 

Wang snorted. “Hardly. I simply applied maximal force at the point where it would be most effective. Namely, killing the general and destroying the Thinkertech. After that, the army dissolved into infighting and was obliterated by other groups. It was only logical.”

“Yeah, well, fine. But we still can’t conquer Shanghai! You’re a muscle headed academic who only leaves his house to work out, and even then insists on doing reps while he solves formulas, and I’m an architect who is currently homeless!” 

“Exactly. So, since we are both unemployed, it stand to reason we have plenty of time to conquer the city,” Wang said as if he agreed with Jing. 

“No, you idiot! What I want is PEACE! To be able to BUILD something, not destroy it!” Jing ranted.

“Quite. And, pray tell, what must one do before one begins construction on a new project?” Wang demanded. 

“Well, first, you need to conduct a survey of the location,” Jing began. 

“Yes, yes, and draw up plans. But once you have the plans and the location, before you can begin construction, what do you have to do? Say you want to build on a location that already contains a condemned structure.”

“I know where you’re going with this, and no, demolition of a old building and clearing the land before you can lay a new foundation is NOT the same as conquering an entire city!” 

“I don’t see the difference. Shanghai is a ruined husk that’s been fought over by a dozen factions. The infrastructure is completely ruined. Obviously, we need to clear all that away, then build something new. If we want peace and a society where we can pursue our work in quiet, then we shall have to ensure that such an environment exists ourselves. And we will do it by conquering Shanghai,” Wang stated matter of factly. 

They were into the market now, and Jing looked around. It was a husk of its former self. There was little food for sale, and what there was had outrageous prices. Most of the vendors had armed guards with rifles standing near them, and those that didn’t had their own weapons ready to hand. Worse, they were only accepting hard currency: American Dollars, German Marks, even the hated Japanese Yen. That or barter. Chinese Yuan was worthless here. The people Jing could see were beaten and downtrodden, fearful and sick. He grabbed Wang’s shoulder and pointed. 

“Look, instead of fighting, we could be helping! You can heal too if you have a Dendro Vision, or make crops grow! That would be far more useful than simply starting another bloody battle!” 

“Once more, your lack of foresight disappoints me,” Wang said, grabbing Jing’s hand and turning towards him, his face right in front of Jings. “Yes. We could set up and clinic and heal the sick, or start a farm and feed the hungry. But what would that accomplish?”

“We’d make a difference. People would be healed, be full. It’s productive,” Jing hissed. Damn this handsome gorrila. 

“A small difference. Say you heal twenty a day. Well, the warlords and fighting injure thousands. Perhaps you grow enough food to feed a hundred. The warlords pillage crops and destroy fields that could feed millions. The obvious solution is not to perform meaningless acts of charity. It is to create a stable environment where society functions and the many are cared for instead of a paltry few.”

Jing tried to come up with a good counter argument. He’d always been bad at this. Wang had always been able to talk circles around him. Worse still, the man was probably right. If he did set up a clinic, all that healing could be undone by one cape fight. A farm could be looted and burned, or those it fed slaughtered. 

“I…I suppose you’re right,” Jing admitted. 

“Good,” Wang said, turning around again. “I trust you are still adequat in combat?”

“Adequat!? I was the top disciple in Master Feng’s school and you know it!” 

“No, I was the top disciple, as evidenced by my flawless win record against you. You were second. Come. I’ve stored the tinkertech swords this way,” Wang said, and strod off again. 

Jing hurried along beside him, seething quietly in anger. And sexual frustration. Wang always did this to him. Brow beat him into his heartless, logical schemes, that completely ignored any sense of aethetics. Finally, he had an idea. 

“Wait, stop. If we’re doing this, there’s one demand I have,” he said, planting his feet on the road and folding his arms over his chest. 

Wang turned, once more shifting his glasses with his index finger in irritation. “Fine. Make your demands.”

 
Holding up a finger, Jing said, “We need to look good while we’re doing this.”

Wang looked down at his near immaculate dress, then at Jing’s burned and dirty clothes. “I believe you are the one lacking in this department.”

“We are not wearing slacks and turtlenecks into battle!” Jing snapped. “We’re getting PROPER clothes for battle. Something that will provide protection, as well as will look stylish. And before you argue that would be frivolous, need I remind you that we will need followers and subordinates, and people are drawn to leaders who look the part?”

“Hmph.” Wang turned around again, but nodded. “Fine. You are in charge of designing our uniforms. We will also require a banner.”

“Good! At least you’re finally seeing SENSE,” Jing said, and followed along after Wang. 

He was led to Wang’s building, which had security guards of all things still. Wang had always been a rich bastard, and it seemed he still got to live in style. They let him in, and Wang led Jing to his own apartment. It wasn’t the same one that Jing had helped him decorate back when they’d both been graduate students, so the lighting was terrible and the decore barebones and spartan. The was a weight set, a computer, a bed, and not much else. 

“You live here?” Jing said, looking around in distaste. “I knew there was a reason I hated you. I wouldn’t make a prisoner live here.”

“It seems rather an upgrade from your current dwelling,” Wang commented, going over to a trunk with a sturdy lock on it, though that was probably less protection than the ward he’d crafted. Where’d he learn about spellwork like that? Probably on that computer, Kusinali posted basic incantations online for free. 

“I’ll have you know, my apartment is tastefully…” Jing trailed off, and grew even more heartsick. His shrine to his parents and their photographs. His grandfather’s tools. His uniform from his time as a disciple. The video recordings of his dates with Wang. Not that he’d ever show the prick those. They were all ash. 

Wang paused, looking up. He took off his glasses, squinting at Jing slightly. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. The truth is, I moved here as it’s one of the few secure places in the city. Power is intermittent, but they were happy to have a Dendro Vision holder as a resident since I agreed to help with security. We’ve both lost our homes and our careers. But that ends now. Come. Look.”

Jing hurried over and peered into the trunk, then let out a gasp and flinched back. “Where in the name of the ancestors did you get THOSE?!”

Within the crate lay four oversized katanas, more properly dai katanas. They were sheathed, but by their workings and markings, Jing recognized them as products of the Raiden Gokuden. Forged by the She-Demon of Japan herself. 

“General Shu no longer needed them. I removed them from his subordinate’s corpses,” Wang said, giving Jing a satisfied smile. Asshole. No wonder General Shu had been a contender as a warlord. If he had this many blades…well. That was a lot of power. 

Slowly, Jing knelt, picking up one of the katanas and drawing it to reveal a few centimeters of steel. He could feel the power in the blade, as well as see the glow of power in the rippling metal. “Wang…do you have any idea how much these are worth?” he asked hesitantly.

“They are priceless. Any amount you could receive would not be commiserate with the value of these swords. They were smuggled from Taiwan from fallen Japanese mecha. I’ve already bonded one with my Vision. You shall have another. We’ll use the others as either assets to sell off if we need a large infusion of cash, or to arm trustworthy subordinates who share our goal of conquering the region and restoring order,” Wang stated. 

“With these…Wang, we might actually be able to liberate the city!” Jing said, actually excited about the prospect now. It didn’t seem so impossible with god forged blades. 

“Indeed. That’s why I approached you. As much of a lackadaisical dreamer as you are, I know I can trust you to do what’s right for the city and not stab me in the back for a shot at power,” Wang said, closing the truck on the other three katanas. 

“I might, just to see the look of surprise on your face,” Jing muttered. He closed his eyes, focusing on the sword. He’d never had an elemental weapon before, so he wasn’t sure how to bond it, but…

“Force energy into the blade through your Vision. That will bond it to you,” Wang instructed. 

Jing did so, and after a few moments of feeding the katana elemental energy, he felt a connection with it. When he let it go, it vanished, stored safely within his Vision. He summoned it back out to get a feel for it, then dismissed it again. “Right, easy enough. Well, how do we get started?”

“We need an actual plan. Step one was finding you, but I’ve drawn up other proposals. This will take some time,” Wang said, putting his glasses back on and striding over to his desk to pick up a piece of parchment, holding it up to the window to read in the unlit room. 

“Fine, fine. I guess I’ll be staying here them? I suppose you’ll make me sleep on the floor,” Jing grumbled. 

“You may have the bed. I have a yoga matt,” Wang said absently. 

“Good! As long as you don’t assume we’ll be sleeping together again,” Jin said, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Wang. 

“I did not make that assumption. Our relationship will be purely professional. Our mutual loathing prohibits any other sort,” Wang said, meeting Jing’s eyes. 

He nodded. He supposed he could live with that. Even if Wang had thicker arms than ever. 

A few days later, a new power arose in Shanghai, a due of Dendro Vision holders armed with Japanese God-Forged blades. They called themselves the Mathematician and the Architect (or Arcitect and Mathematician, they argued which it was constantly), and thanks to their martial prowess, soon attracted a following. The city was still in wartorn chaos, but people whispered that this time, these warlords were different. 

They cared. 

The name of the village was Baigu, set in the foothills of the Meili Snow Mountains. Shenhe knew this now, thanks to her mother teaching her to read and write. She doubted many of the villagers here knew how. Baigu was similar to the village where Shenhe had grown up, in that it was mostly terraced rice paddies and some other subsistence-level farming. It had been sheltered and protected from the wars that ravaged China mostly thanks to its remoteness and the difficulty in getting there. 

One desperate band had made their way to the village though. They had one jeep, the rest were on horses or mules, and they were armed with old Chinese Type 56 assault rifles, though a Westerner might have called them AK-47s. The bandits had already killed two farmers with ancient bolt action rifles that had tried to resist them, and there was little fight left in Baigu. 

Which was why Shenhe was standing in the roadway, blocking the bandit’s path. 

The leader of the bandits was dressed in an officer’s uniform from the CUI, and most of the others had parts of old soldier’s uniforms, though they had supplemented it with whatever they could scavenge. The jeep was covered in dents had had more than a few bullet holes, and it clearly barely ran by the noises the engine was making. 

The leader stood up, pointing a pistol at Shenhe. “Well, well. Are you offering yourself, girl? You’re pretty enough. My boys will have fun with you.”

“Boss, she’s dressed funny,” one of the smarter bandits said nervously. “What if she’s a cape?”

Shenhu was wearing a Crane School uniform, which was a black bodysuit, overwhich a green and white tabard with the character for "Crane" had been written in black ink. Simple, but effective.  

The officer spat to the side, grimacing. “There’s no capes all the way out here. That’s why where here, dumbass. Now put the spear down, girlie. Or we’ll just shoot you.”

“If you turn and flee now, I will not kill all of you,” Shenhe lied. She would hunt every single one of these brutes down and end their pathetic existence. If they didn’t rape and murder here, they would do it elsewhere. Men like this did not deserve life.

“Boss, she’s got grey hair. Maybe she is a cape,” the smart bandit repeated. 

“Then shoot her, moron!” the leader spat, and his pistol barked. The rifles all sounded as well, bullets spraying at Shenhe in a remarkably bad display of marksmanship. Not that better aim would have helped them. 

As soon as the violence started, Shenhe saw nothing but red. Roaring in anger, she dashed forward, ice spraying out in front of her as she whirled her spear. She took one bandit through the chest, then yanked out her spear as she delivered a kick to another’s head that separated it from his body in a spray of blood. With a quick chant, she sent her spirit out and through the leader, freezing him solid even as he pointed his pistol at her. 

The others turned and ran. They didn’t get far. When Shenhe came to herself, she was standing over the broken and frozen bodies of a dozen men, with a trail of destruction behind her. Her hands were bloodied, and her uniform was stained. Gasping, she took out an elixir from her bag and hastily swallowed it, closing her eyes. 

After a few moments, the draught calmed her, and Shenhe was able to mostly regain control of herself. She ignored the corpses of the dead, going back to the jeep, and tossing out the body of the dead bandit leader. She inspected it, and nodded to herself. “Mother will want this.”

Then she went over to the bodies of the two farmers. Both men were dead, having died bravely, if foolishly. If they’d simply waited a few more minutes, Shenhe would have been there. She shook her head in disgust, then turned to the side. “You can come out now, Ganyu.”

“A-are the bad men gone?” a fuzzy purple head with two dark horns popped up, and Ganyu looked around nervously. That made Shenhu smile. For all her timidity, Ganyu could have dealt with the bandits even more easily than Shenhe herself. As it was, Shenhe was happy to spare her sister’s innocence. 

“They are dead,” Shenhe said firmly. “Go and tell Elder Gao that Baigu is safe once more. The Crane School will continue to watch over them. I will see to the vehicle. Mother will want it.”

“Kay!” Ganyu agreed eagerly and scampered off on pudgy legs to find the village elder, who was probably hiding. He’d done the smart thing and launched the signal as soon as the bandits had been seen approaching several hours before, and Shehe and Ganyu and immediately flown to see to it that the village was defended. 

Ganyu came back with Elder Gao a few minutes later. He was an old man, but though he walked with a cane, he was still strong, with a weather-beaten face and a long white mustache. 

“Thank you, Young Lady, for coming to our aid once again,” Elder Gao said, bowing deeply to Shenhe. “We could never have resisted these bandits on our own.”

“It is our obligation. You provide us with rice, we provide you with protection,” Shenhe said, returnin the bow. “Call for us if you have need of aid again.”

With that, Shehe hoisted the jeep, lifting it over her head. It was too heavy for Ganyu to carry, so they’d have to go back the long way. It would be several days of hiking, but she didn’t mind. It was good training. 

Ganyu trotted along side Shenhe for a while, wandering off ever now and then whenever she smelled a tasty bit of grass or herb under the snow and ice, and returning contentedly munching on it. 

“If you keep eating like that, you’re going to get fatter,” Shenhe said, a faint smile on her lips.

“I’m not fat! I’m just small,” Ganyu said, patting her belly. She was quite rotund, though admittedly she still looked like she was four or five years old, and chubbiness in a child that young was more cute than anything else. “Besides, I’m bored. Can’t we just fly back?”

“You can fly back and tell mother I’m coming. But she’ll want the parts in the jeep, you know that,” Shenhe said with a shake of her head. 

Ganyu sighed, but didn’t protest further, or fly away. She got lonely if she had to fly alone, and she’d be worried about Shenhe alone in the mountains. 

Not that she needed to be. Ganyu aside, Shenhe was by far the scariest thing for miles around. The only possible competition was their mother or their sister Shuyu, unless an enemy cape happened to be nearby. If they were, Shenhe would simply kill them. She would tolerate no intruders in her mother’s domain. 

The mountain air was chill, as it was the middle of winter, and snow covered the ground. Shenhe wasn’t bothered by the cold and hadn’t been since she’d obtained her Vision, shortly after the Scream that heralded the arrival of the next Demon. She’d heard this one was to the north in the land called “Russia,” but Shenhe had only ever seen that in the books her mother had, and wasn’t terribly interested. As far as she was concerned, the only place that mattered was her home and the land the Crane School claimed as their fiefdom. That was as far as her mother could fly half a day in any direction, which Shenhe knew was about 400 kilometers. 

That meant the Crane school controlled one of the largest territories in China, but most of it was empty mountains. They had a few dozen small villages and a handful of larger towns under their control that they spent time patrolling, and fighting off bandits like that latest band. That had been near the southern border of their territory, but you’d think the fools would learn by now. There was a reason no bandit groups claimed that territory: The ones that tried were all dead. 

They camped that night in a clearing surrounded by trees, with Shenhe and Ganyu curling up in the beaten back seat of the jeep to sleep. Dinner was dried herbs, which was nearly all Shenhe consumed these days. The villagers had given them some rice, but Shenhe gave that to Ganyu, who devoured it eagerly. The little qilin had a bottomless appetite, probably because her true size was somewhere around that of a very large horse. 

As Ganyu lay atop Shenhe, she looked up at the stars. The night was clear, though Shenhe’s divination told her that there would be a blizzard the next day. She could see her own constellation this night, next to that of her mother’s and sisters. Her mother had taught her about that, saying that the stars recorded their fate, according to what she’d read in a book she called “The Internet.”

“The Comb of Sorrow,” Shenhe said, tracing the stars with her finger. She held her Vision up to her eye, and she could see the connection there. Odd, that her fate was foretold so boldly. If only she knew what it meant. 

“Which one’s mine?” Ganyu asked quietly. Shenhe took her chubby hand and pointed it towards the sky. 

“There. The Qilin. Hold your Vision up, you can see the shape,” Shenhe said quietly. 

Ganyu giggled as she did so. “There’s momma and sissy’s! Um, the Heavenly Crane, and…um…which one is it?”

“There. The Dancing Kite,” Shenhe said, tracing the stars with her finger. “It’s new.”

“Yeah, ‘cause sissy only got hers a little while ago! Mine’s the oldest! Does that mean I’m the big sister?” Ganyu asked, turning over to grin down at Shenhe.

“Yes, you’re the biggest sister, at least when you transform,” Shenhe said, rubbing her nose against Ganyu’s and making her giggle. “Now go to sleep. We’ve a long journey ahead of us.”

As Shenhe was about to shut her eyes, she saw a flutter of wings and a burst of anemo from a nearby tree and smiled. They were not alone, it seemed. But that was alright. 

The blizzard hit early the next morning, but Shenhe ignored it and soldiered on. Ganyu transformed into a unicorn and stampeded amongst the winds, stamping her hooves and sending out bolts of lighting to crash amongst the peaks. That made Ganyu smile at her sister’s mischievous nature, though it did get slightly annoying when Ganyu sent gusts of icy wind toward Shenhe, and nearly caused her to lose her grip on the jeep as she carried it up the mountainside. She had to take several of her elixirs to keep her temper under control and to fortify her body so she could continue the trek. 

Four days later, they arrived at Mount Qixi, where nestled in a valley down below was the Crane School. It consisted of a cluster of buildings made of wood and stone, with puffs of smoke from the fires that warmed them coming out. There were rice paddies, a barn, several workshops, a large dormitory, and the cozy little cottage where Shenhe lived with her mother and sisters. 

 It was a long drop to the valley floor from where they stood, but the waterfall was currently frozen, so Shenhe simply slid down the icy river, holding the jeep over her head. Ganyu rode inside the car, squealing with delight at the ride and honking the horn loudly as she called, “WE’RE HOME!” 

A whirlwind burst out of the cottage, racing along the valley floor to the frozen lake at the bottom, where it coalesced into Shuyu, who waved excitedly to her sisters. “Welcome home! How was your trip? We expected you back days ago! Mom was getting really worried. She checked on you twice, did you see her?”

“Only the first night,” Shenhe said, skidding to a stop in front of her sister. “I missed it the second time. I must have been lax in my attention.”

“Or mom’s getting sneakier,” Shuyu giggled. “She told me about the car. She’s really excited! We’ve already got ideas on how to use the parts!” 

“Ride with me!” Ganyu said, honking the horn again and making Shenhe roll her eyes in annoyance. Did she really have to keep doing that?

“Um, you don’t mind, do you, Shenhe?” Shuyu asked.

Shenhe shrugged. “It’s fine. Your weight won’t make any difference.” 

“OK!” Shuyu lept up, landing in the car seat, and making Shenhe regret her words. Because now she had two annoying little sisters honking that damn horn. 

Even outside in the cold, groups of disciples went about their chores or practiced katas in the courtyard. While many of them were young, no older than Shenhe, others were old enough to be grandparents. What they all had in common was simple: They’d lost homes and loved ones to the ravages of the bandits and warlords that plagued China. 

“Lady Shenhe! Welcome back! Did you bring us anything?” called a pair of young children. They were a brother and sister named Hao and Rui that Shenhe’s mother had rescued from a burned out village, and had been adopted by a family here at the school.

“Not this time. I had to carry the jeep,” Shenhe said. 

“Hi Hao! Hi Rui! We got a car!” Ganyu said, and honked the horn again. Shenhe just sighed in exasperation. “I got some berries!”

That made Shenhe frown. Berries? In winter? 

Ganyu hopped off the car, finally laying off that stupid horn, and produced golden colored berries. Shenhe immediately set the jeep down and grabbed them before either Ganyu or Hao and Rui could eat them.

“Hey! I’ll share, but they’re mine!” Ganyu protested, jumping up and down in an attempt to get her food back.  

“I don’t recognize these. They might be poisonous, Ganyu,” Shenhe said seriously. She opened her Inner Eye, and examined the berries. They had an unusually high amount of elemental energy in them, and looked a bit like yellow raspberries. 

“Nuh-uh. I already ate a bunch, see?” Ganyu said, and stuck out her tongue, which was stained yellow from the juice. 

“Yes, but you are a qilin. Just because they are safe for you does not mean they are safe for everyone. I’ll take these to Alchemist Lao later and he can test them,” Shenhe said sternly as the children all made groaning noises. 

“Shenhu’s right,” Shuyu said, jumping out of the jeep and hovering over Shenhe’s shoulder to examine the fruit. “You can eat pretty much anything Ganyu, but normal people can’t. Let Uncle Lao take a look.”

Uncle Lao, or Alchemist Lao, was an old man who had specialized in traditional Chinese medicine and alchemy. He claimed that his medications had become especially efficacious in recent years, and talking about the alignment of chi and other things. Shenhe didn’t know why they worked, only that the elixirs he made for her helped contain her murderous rage. Without them, she was quite likely to go on another killing spree. The last time that had happened, she’d very nearly murdered the villagers she’d been supposed to protect as well as the bandits who’d been attacking them, and would have if her mother hadn’t knocked her out soundly. That had been before she’d gotten her Vision too. Now she was even more powerful, and without Uncle Lao’s medicines, her Chi would be completely out of balance with too much yang energy. 

“Fine…can we go see him right now?” Ganyu asked hopefully. 

“No,” Shenhe said. “We’re going to see Mother first and give her the jeep.”

“Kay!” Ganyu said, then flew back into the jeep and honked the horn. “Let’s go! Beep beep!” 

Shenhe was going to rip that damn thing out and toss it off the mountain. 

No. Calm. Focus. You need to meditate. 

Taking a calming breath, Shenhe picked the car back up and hurried up the path to her mother’s workshop, where smoke was coming out of the chiney in bursts of green and pink. She must be working on something again. 

When the sisters were still several hundred meters away, the door opened, and their mother stepped out. She was in human form, her hair tied back in a messy tail, her hands stained with grease and grime. She was wearing a leather apron over a simple robe, and she was wearing her glasses. Amusingly, their mother was farsighted, and almost always had to wear glasses when she was working on something delicate or reading. Spying her daughters, their mother transformed into a crane, lifting off and swooping down to nearly tackle Shenhe in a hug. She very nearly dropped the jeep. 

“There you are! One was becoming worried when you were delayed,” Cloud Retainer said, her warm feathers enveloping Shenhe. She stepped back, using her talons to adjust Shenhe’s uniform. “Shenhe. You haven’t bathed in days! Even if it is cold, that is no excuse for poor hygiene. Certainly not for a young lady of your age. One wonders if you have heard anything one has to say on the subject.” 

Shenhe shrugged. “We were camping. I wasn’t worried about it.”

“Yes, but you still have blood on your uniform. Come come. Set that down, and let’s get you to the bath house. We simply must get you clean. Ganyu! Have you taken a bath since you departed?” 

“No, mom!” Ganyu said, honking the horn for emphasis. 

“Hmph. Cease that racket! One heard you coming from a league away. Shuyu! Have you bathed today?”

“Uh, no mom, we’ve been busy in the workshop,” Shuyu said, hanging her head down over the side of teh jeep. 

“Ah, yes.” Cloud Retainer examined her own grease smeared feathers and winced. “It appears one is also in a slovenly state. Very well, we shall all bathe together.” 

The four women all headed to the bathhouse, which was heated. Shenhe made a face as they stepped into the steaming interior. She rather disliked the heat, much preferring the cold.

“Don’t make that face, young lady,” Cloud Retainer said, swapping back to human form. “A cold bath in this weather is not good for your health, Cryo Vision or no. Besides, one needs hot water and soap to really get clean.”

“Yes, mother,” Shenhe sighed. She took out her last elixir and downed it. The heat would imbalance her yang energy even further, so best to be safe. The last thing she needed was to fly into a rage in the middle of a bath again. It would take days to rebuild, even with their visions. 

Despite Shenhe’s reluctance, it was relaxing to bath with her family, taking turns scrubbing one another down and relaxing in the hot water, even if it was far too hot for Shenhe’s taste. She just considered it endurance training. She also told her mother what had happened in Baigu. 

“One understands. And you lost control again?” her mother said, peering into Shenhe’s eyes. 

She flushed, looking away. “Yes. Even with taking an elixir before the battle. I just…I was so angry. They reminded me of…”

“Oh, Shenhe,” her mother said softly, and pulled her in close for another hug.

Tears started to trickle down Shenhe’s cheeks. She hadn’t realized how upset she’d been, and she returned the hug tightly. 

“I’m sorry…I just…it’s like there’s a demon inside of me…” Shenhe admitted. 

“One has been reading some of Alchemist Lao’s texts,” her mother said, reaching up to wipe away Shenhe’s tears. It was silly. They were damp and went from the steam and water they were sitting in. But she did appreciate it. “One believes we can try a binding that may help. Do not lose heart, Shenhe.”

“I know, it’s just…did I trigger? Am I demon-possessed?” Shenhe asked, looking away and hugging herself.

“One thinks not. One cannot identify a corrona pollentia within you, and there are few cases of parahumans receiving visions. One will continue to look into it, but one believes that it is a different kind of evil spirit that possesses you. Perhaps we were too aggressive with your regiment of elixirs and potions,” Cloud Retainer said regretfully.

“No!” Shenhe said, slapping the water and freezing it. She winced, watching as the layer of ice bobbed away in the bath. “No. I had to get stronger. Had to be able to protect everyone. It was the right way. Plus, otherwise, I might not have gotten a Vision.”

“One worries you are more concerned with revenge than protection,” Cloud Retainer sighed. She raised a hand. “No, no, one has heard your arguments. And, well, one understands your rage. One also would like to visit sorrow upon the Japanese Devils for destroying ones mate and eggs. But, first, one must care for one’s new chicks.”

“I’m not a chick, mom,” Shenhe said, a faint smile tugging her lips. 

“Hmph. You are not so old yet as to be ready to leave the nest fully,” Cloud Retainer said, ruffling Shenhe’s hair. That made her giggle, though she tried to stifle that and frown. “Hmm. You are going white, Shenhe. One has read of this. It is not of any real concern, but…”

“But it’s my yang energy,” Shenhe said, making a fist. She hated this. Why couldn’t she just blance her energies?

“Well, it is perhaps odd for a young lady to have so much Yang, but it will be well. Tell me though, you have not been led astray by any young males, have you?” Cloud Retainer demanded, frowning and quinting at Shenhe. 

“No. I don’t care about that,” Shenhe said with a shrug. She really didn’t. There were some boys her own age, but they didn’t impress Shenhe. None of them were as strong as she was. The girls were even worse. They just wanted to talk, which Shenhe found irritating. She spent most of her time alone, training, or with her sisters. Also training. 

“Well. You are young yet. When you have fully matured, one is certain you will find a mate. One has explained to you the ordinary courses of women of your species already,” Cloud Retainer said, blushing mightily. Shenhe understood that her first cycle had been quite the surprise for her mother, who had spent most of her life as a bird. It had been rather awkward when Shenhe started hers only a few months later, and her mother tried to “explain” things to her. Shenhe had just found the book her mother had been quoting and struggled through it herself. It wasn’t that complicated, though the book didn’t mention much of the pure murderous rage that dominated her own mood swings. 

After the bath, Ganyu was tired, so Shuyu took her back to the cottage to sleep. Her mother took the jeep into her workshop, so Shenhe sought out Alchemist Lao in his hut at the edge of the school. The hut was made of simple wood, though it was well insulated, and decorated with various symbols. Herbs hung all around the hut, and there was a small garden where Lao grew many of them. Shenhe plucked one of the fresher herbs and stuffed it her mouth, as she was feeling rather hungry. She couldn’t eat red meat, and had to avoid spices. Alchemist Lao had her on a special diet of dairy, lintels, and herbs, though the herbs helped the most. 

She knocked on the door, chewing on the herbs, and heard a voice call from inside. “Yes, who is it?” 

“Shenhe, Uncle,” she replied. 

A moment later, the door opened, and Alchemist Lao blinked at her owlishly, though the sun was already going down. “Ah, Shenhe, you’re back. How were my potions?”

“Helpful. But I need more. I’m out,” Shenhe explained. 

“Ah, well, I have several mixed up for you. Come in, come in.”

Shenhe followed him inside. There were cages with various animals and insects, more herbs, and plenty of scrolls and books, along with candles and various arrays that were supposed to protect against evil sprits. There had been several of those that Alchemist Lao had delt with, though if they were too powerful, Shenhe or her mother handled them. Ganyu was too easily frightened by any evil spriits, even if she could easily banish them. Though now that Shuyu had a Vision, she could probably deal with them too. Shenhe would have to show her how. 

“There’s a nest of slimes that have shown up further up the valley. Anemo, so I’ll need your help to kill them and harvest their condensate,” Alchemist Lao said, bustling around and retrieving various vials of glowing liquid. He handed them over to Shenhe, who tucked them away in her pouch. 

“Very well. There is one other thing.” Shenhe produced the berries, handing them over to Alchemist Lao. “Are these edible?”

“Hmm. I’ve never seen berries like this before,” the old man said, holding one up to examine it. “Where did you get them?”

“Ganyu found them in the mountains. She ate some and didn’t get too sick, but she has a stomach like a goat, so that doesn’t prove anything,” Shenhe said with a shrug. 

“Wait…I think…yes…” Alchemist Lao scrambled around for a moment, before pulling out a notebook that had several loose pages in them. Most of them had been printed by her mother from that “internet,” and there were many spells and formulas that looked like they’d come from Kusinali’s school. Alchemist Lao flipped through until he found a picture that matched the berries. He stared at it, stunned. “Seven Sages. It’s Teyvan.”

“Oh?” Shenhe looked at the page, frowning at the scribbles. They were in some other language, but Alchemist Lao had written notes in regular characters. Her lips moved as she puzzled them out. “Sweet…Berries?” 

“Yes, they should be perfectly edible. I’ll test them to see what sort of energy they have, but this is most remarkable.” Alchemist Lao stroked his pointed beard thoughtfully. “How did a Teyvan berry get in the Meili Snow Mountains?”

“Bird shit.”

Alchemist Lao blinked and looked up at Shenhe. 

“Bird shit,” she repeated. “You know, like mother. A bird ate the berry, and carried the seeds here. Or the wind did.”

“I…suppose. They’re cultivating them in Iraq, you know,” he mused.

Shenhe did not know. She didn’t care about Iraq. Her family didn’t live there. 

“Well, test them. Ganyu wants to eat more,” Shenhe said.

Alchemist Lao bowed. “Of course, Xianyun Shenhe. It will be as you say.”

“What did you call me?” Shenhe asked, frowning.

“Ah, it is after your mother. She is Lord Xianyun, so you are Xianyun Shenhe. We’re planning a small celebration soon. For the New Year, you know. I had to think what characters to write on the banner,” Alchemist Lao explained. 

“I see,” Shenhe nodded, a warmth suffusing her. She thought for a moment that she was being overwhelmed by Yang energy again, but no. It was…peace. Contentment. Love. “Thank you. I will keep the secret.”

“Thank you, Lady Shenhe.”

“I will return at dawn, and we will go hunt the slimes,” Shenhe promised. Even if they were Cyro Slimes, she could still kill them with her spear. Her mother had forged it using elemental energy, and it was quite powerful. For slimes, it would be too easy, actually. Shenhe would just use her fists. 

She departed for the cottage, where Ganyu was already asleep, and Shuyu was getting ready for bed. She walked over and gave Shenhe a sleepy hug. “Good night. Glad your back. I’ll help mom make some cool stuff with the jeep, promise.”

“Good night,” Shenhe said, kissing the top of Shuyu’s head. Her mother was in the corner, reading by the light of an elemental lamp she’d constructed. It was a bit rough, one of her earliest works, but Cloud Retainer was still proud of her craftsmanship, and kept it for a reading lamp. 

Shenhe went over to sit by her, and told her mother about the berries. 

“Hmm. That is fascinating. One will have to have Ganyu show one where these berries can be found. We will have to attempt growing them, especially if they bear fruit even in the depths of winter,” her mother mused, giving Shenhe a smile. “Good work. Now, get some rest.”

“Yes, mother. Good night,” Shenhe agreed, leaning in to kiss her mother on the cheek. She changed into her nightgown, then crawled into bed with her sisters. Shuyu and Ganyu had their arms wrapped about one another and were snoring softly, so Shenhe eased in and put her arm over both of them. 

She would do anything to protect her family. No matter what path she had to walk. She would scour these mountains until not a single bandit was left. She would become the strongest. 

But tonight, she hoped she dreamed of flying. She was reluctant to ask her mother to take her flying, she wasn’t a baby anymore, but still. It was so wonderful. Closing her eyes, Shenhe fell asleep.

But her dreams were dark, and full of blood. For in China, there would be no peace. 

The Celestial Sage had yet to arrive. 

Author’s Note:

Yes, Mom Retainer has a Cultivation School now. It’s a legit one too: drink enough of those elixirs and do enough training and you really will get super powers and/or immortality. Works in Genshin too, basically all the adepti are ancient cultivation sages. Mom Retainer is basically just a baby by those standards, but she’s already well on her path. 

Also, yes, that’s Kaveh and Alhaitham. I’ve been trying to find a way to mention them for a long time, and now seemed like an auspicious time. This is basically setting the groundwork for Zhongli when he (finally) arrives. I’ll work in Keqing later. This chapter was already a monster. 

Second Archon War: Bonus Non-Canon Interlude

What non-canon story are you most interested in seeing as a bonus before Furina?

The Second Archon War: Interlude 12

Interlude 12: Dominus Cycli

Once more, Kollei found herself running towards the body of a fallen god. This time, she had seen her mother fall, dropping from the rapidly abating storm towards the earth below like a falling star. She broke out of the Dream where she’d been watching and skidding to a stop on her knees, cradling her mother’s body in her arms. 

The Tsaritsa’s glory had faded, and now, there was only Bronya left. There was blood on her lips, and her skin was bruised and bloodied in a dozen places, her dress ripped to rags. Her sword lay in the snow beside her, and Kollei desperately drew on Dendro, feeding the energy into her mother. 

After a few moments, Bronya coughed, spitting out blood and phlegm, her eyes fluttering open, though they stared out sightlessly. “Not…that. Cryo. Must be…Cryo.”

“Y-yes! O-of course!” Kollei kicked herself mentally. Stupid! How could she be so stupid! Her mother needed the same energy she was formed of, not something alien. Hastily, she switched over to Cryo Energy, which was a bit harder for her to use, especially for healing, but could serve just as well. 

Most of the superficial wounds soon closed, but Kollei could detect massive internal injuries. Additionally, the channels of energy that usually pulsed within her mother were darkened and weak. She did what she could, but she was soon exhausted and near her limit as she poured Cryo back into her mother.

“Enough, Kollei,” Bronya coughed, reaching up with a blood-soaked hand to touch Kollei’s cheek. “Enough. Do not drain yourself.”

“But-!” Kollei began, tears filling her eyes as she clutched her mother’s hand in both of her own. “You’re so hurt!” 

“I…will not die. My injuries are great, but to an Archon…not life-threatening,” Bronya sighed, closing her eyes again. “But I am…wearied. Drained. Please. Take this. You must have it. Must keep it.”

The gnosis appeared in Bronya’s hand, and she pressed it into Kollei’s.

“No! You need this, it’s yours!” Kollei protested.

“No,” Bronya whispered. “I must…rest. For…for a while. While I sleep…you…you must guide our people, Kollei. Love them…love them…better…than I did…protect…guide…you are…my…daughter…”

Bronya fell silent, and Kollei quickly put her head to her mother’s chest. She could hear a heartbeat. Faint, weak, and terribly slow, but there.

Grunting, she picked her mother up in her arms, and staggered away from the newly arisen mountains. She had to walk for kilometers like that, drawing upon her vision to give herself strength, until she got far enough away from the interference for her radio to work. Then she sat in the snow, stroking her mother’s hair as she waited for the helicopter.

Despite all she had gone through, her mother seemed at peace. Kollei looked back at those looming mountains that stretched thousands of meters into the sky, made of ice and rock that glowed with elemental energy. Their peaks were caped with swirling clouds and raging storms, and Kollei could only shudder. They seemed to stretch forever on either side of her, here in the middle of the Ukraine. 

The helicopter arrived, and Kollei handed Bronya over to the doctors on the air ambulance, then climbed aboard with them. There was a Cryo Vision holder there to feed her mother energy, as well as a Biotinker her mother had modified. Several members of the team were in tears as they ministered to their god and queen, so Kollei felt the need to reassure them. 

“It’s alright. She defeated Barbatos and will recover. It is by her efforts that Russia is safe from the Germans and their allies,” she lied. 

The lie did at least seem to reassure the crew, and Kollei sat by her mother’s side, holding her hand during the long flight back to New Moscow. Below, a snow-covered landscape slumbered. Kollei gazed out, and what she saw was a changed land.

There were roads, and even road crews out working. The roads were well-paved, and lights were going up along them. Cities and towns were more connected, and Fatui patrols kept them safe. Towns and villages had smoke rising from fires, or new power plants burning oil or using elemental energy to keep houses warm. There were tilled fields that slumbered in the winter, but come spring, would produce a bountiful harvest to keep the Russian people fed. And the factories. Dozens of them, for making everything from boots to guns to machinery and canned goods. She could see people working good jobs that paid well.

In only a year, the Tsarista had turned a wartorn, desolate land of hopelessness into a secure stronghold of prosperity. New Moscow was a storybook city now, with wonderful architecture and clean sidewalks. There were churches with steeps with the Cryo Sigil to care for the soul, and hospitals there were staffed by Vision Holders and doctors to heal the body. This was a good place to live now. Not the radioactive hellscape Kollei had grown up in. She even waved at a few children as they approached the Ice Palace, who smiled and cheered to see a helicopter with the imperial sigil upon it. 

She closed her eyes. This wasn’t because of her Vision. But her mothers. Her dreams of peace, of cooperation, of learning…perhaps they had to die, that Russia might live. She felt a pang, a gasp of pain in her soul, and clutched at her Vision. Instead of it’s normal steady pulse of green light, it was flickering. She tucked it away.

The Harbingers were waiting for her. 

Anastasia was a frazzled mess, her eyes bloodshot, her face drawn and wan, her clothes still torn and bloodied from their battle with the Allies, and she smelled awful. Anatoly was grim, a bandage over his temple, but his clothes were freshly pressed and washed, and he stood patiently at attention. In contrast, Ivan was completely distraught, his handsome face despondent and drawn. He’d barely dragged himself back to sanity and cohesion the day before, and he was constantly running a hand through his hair and muttering to himself, his sanity obviously fraying with the Tsaritsa incapacitated. Liza did not look amused, but rather furious, her mismatched eyes narrowed with dark circles under them. She did look put together, but her scar pulsed with obvious temper. Even Riley was there, looking manic and frightened, her eyes wide and her fingernails bloody stumps from where she’d been gnawing at them. 

Looking at the Harbingers, Kollei realized they were all gazing upon her as if she were a meal, ready to be eaten. She knew Anatoly was already plotting to undermine and control her, while Liza was looking to outmaneuver her rival and gain a spot as Kollei’s right hand. Anastasia would likely try to mind control her if given the chance in a mad attempt to order an assault to get Thoma back. The Prince just looked like he wanted to fight and kill and lose himself in the carnage, and Kollei was a promising target. The one exception was Riley, who seemed to believe that Kollei offered the one moment of solace in a mad world.

“The Tsaritsa lives. This was a great victory,” Kollei declared, feeling the hope drain from her as she said it. 

“Victory? Our armies are scattered and beaten. The Tsaritsa is comatose and near death. You call this victory?” Liza sneered. 

Kollei met her gaze coolly. “We have gained most of our pre-war goals. We have new ports in the Baltic and Black Sea that are warm water. The threat of being boxed in there has vanished. We have taken most of the Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania, and all of Estonia. We will concentrate our efforts to the north now.”

“The North. You mean to invade Finland?” Anatoly asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes. Make all preparations. My mother will waken soon, and she must not see us sit idle. Deploy units to the Finnish border now,” Kollei ordered, her heart sick. She had to do this. Had to keep them busy. Had to show she was in command, not they, and rule with an icy fist. Had to keep her mother safe. “Thief, Witch, I will send you both out in joint command. Prince, you will probe the mountains. Locate any passes or valuable new deposits of elemental materials.”

“What about me?” Riley asked, looking nervous. “I didn’t get to fight last time…”

“Pater, you are our greatest Biotinker. You will attend to my Mother and assure that she recovers,” Kollei ordered. She could use Riley. The girl was the only one younger than her. If she influenced her just right, she would win Riley’s loyalty with love, and have at least one strong supporter here.

“Oh, yes, of course! All for her Benevolence!” Riley agreed eagerly.

Kollei turned to Anastasia and made her voice as chill as a glacier. “Get ahold of yourself, Dancer. You are useless to the Tsaritsa like this. I will give you one week to recover. Then, you will return to the front lines. You let one slip through your fingers. Do not allow any others to do so.”

“I…” Anastasia blinked, then curtsied. “Yes, Highness.”

“Yes, Highness,” the others echoed. With that echo, all hope of peace, all hope of wisdom, left Kollei. 

Kollei nodded, and clutched the Gnosis, its chill biting into her bones. “Good. Get to work. I will see to the production of Delusions with Pater and ensure our forces are restored and revitalized for the new offensive.”

She turned and stalked away, then went to her rooms, where she slowly withdrew her Vision from her pocket. It was dull and lifeless, an inert orb, etched with the dendro symbol, but with no energy within. 

Putting her head down on her bed, Kollei knelt and began to sob. She did what she did for Russia. For her Mother. For her people. For Love. She had to. 

Amber…I miss you. Why did you have to betray me? 

No. A heart of Ice. She must have a heart of Ice. She had to be strong. Like her mother. Even in the depths of despair. She could not give up. Too many relied upon her. 

Please, Mother. Wake up soon…

Capri ran forward as fast as she could, but Naomi was faster. Above them, the green swirl of clouds continued to descend. It looked like just another Eye of the Storm, the sort that had been raging for days now, but Capri knew. That wasn’t a simple wind spirit. It was her friend. It was Venti. 

Leaping into the air, Naomi gathered up the cloud in her arms, and it coalesced into the form they were so familiar with: A young man with long dark hair. Only this time, the hair wasn’t bound in twin braids, but in a ragged halo about the boy’s head. His body was battered and bruised, and his left eye was swollen shut. His clothes were ripped and torn and stained with blood, and he was limp and looked lifeless.

“Venti, no!” Capri sobbed, hurrying to crouch beside her wife as she desperately tried to mend Venti’s wounds. Forming electro around her fists, Capri concentrated on healing energy. It didn’t come naturally to her, but like any Vision holder, she was capable of it. 

“No,” Naomi said gently as she continued to minister to Venti’s wounds. “He’s of Anemo. Electro won’t help him.”

“Dammit,” Capri snarled, and pounded her fist into the dirt. She stood up, running her hands through her hair. She’d just had it trimmed, so it was still in a short pixie cut, but it still started to stand up on end as it absorbed the electro and started to frizz. 

Frustrated, she turned and looked up at the mountains that now stretched through Central Poland. The Great Storm had quieted when Venti had fallen, but there were still squalls up there. She shivered, hugging herself. How much power had it taken to create an entire damn mountain range? She wasn’t an egg head who could run the numbers in her head, but “A whole fucking lot” seemed like an appropriate amount. 

“Capri! He’s waking up!” Naomi called, and Capri was instantly back with then, kneeling on the frozen earth. 

Groaning, Venti stirred, his eyes drifting open. “Well. That…could have gone better…”

“We’ve got booze if you need it,” Capri offered, feeling rather lame to do so.

That made Venti chuckle and wince, and he shook his head gingerly. “No…no, I’ve got a promise to keep. Help me stand. He’s coming. And I refuse to meet him on my knees.”

“He?” Capri said, and she felt her heart beat faster. “Not…” Swallowing, she and Naomi helped Venti stand, though they had to practically drape him across their shoulders to manage it. 

When they looked up, they saw the golden streak approaching from the dark sky, cutting through the clouds. Gritting her teeth, Capri thought about summoning her sword, but Venti coughed.

“Don’t…don’t antagonize him. Not now. I am…weak. This isn’t the time…”

Slowly, the golden king of demons descended from on high, arms folded across his chest. His clothes were different now. No longer the pure white uniform he’d worn for so long, but instead a white breastplate and padded leathers of cream, with golden scrollwork on them. On the center of the breastplate was embossed a golden spiral, with further spirals within it. 

You are the one they call Barbados. The one known as Venti. Scion’s voice was deep, powerful, the very essence of commanding authority. Capri noted his beard and been shaved off completely, and his hair cut to shoulder length, and bound up in a warrior’s braid. There was a sword at his hip, its hilt of golden metal. Something drastic had changed. 

“I am Barbatos,” Venti said calmly. “Why have you come, Sustainer?”

Sustainer. I did not at first know what you meant by this. But yes. I am the Sustainer of the Cycle. I am the Warrior. I am…Zion. 

Capri digested that, glancing at Naomi. Had they just been mispronouncing his name this entire time? If so, that was darkly humorous, as people did the same to Venti all the time. 

“I see. Why have you come, Sustainer? You demanded conflict,” Venti said, his voice rasping slightly. “This, I have given you.”

Indeed. You have done well. Barbatos. Zion extended a golden hand towards Venti, who blinked at it, face puffy and bloody. I had evaluated you as weak. Insignificant. With no useful data. I am pleased to be wrong in this. One day, you shall join the others as my mate. We shall complete the Cycle together.

“So, you’re into yaoi now?” Venti said, a twisted smile on his face. 

Zion’s expression remained stern, serious, foreboding. Male. Female. These are irrelevant. Your data will combine with mine, and I shall use you to perpetuate the Cycle. You will continue to produce useful data. 

“I’m afraid I must rest. I expended a great deal of power. It will be some time before I am ready to do so again,” Venti said, meeting the Sustainers gaze. 

The Icy Administrator also appears to require a rest cycle. This is well. Both of you shall serve to perpetuate the cycle. You are not the Thinker, but together, you will substitute. And I will fulfill my purpose. 

With that, Zion turned about and streaked off into the sky, vanishing before long with nary a trace. 

Venti hung his head, tears trickling down his face. “Oh, Bronya. What have we done?”

“It’s her fault, she forced your hand,” Capri said bitterly. 

Venti shook his head. “I should have done more. Should have been there for her. Both in the past, and in this day. But I was…well. My hands were bound by bonds of freedom. But I must rest. I am sorry. Normally I don’t mind shirking and letting others take over my duties…but for now, I have to.”

Venti’s form began to glow, and his body trickle away into motes of green light on the wind. Capri and Naomi desperately clutched at him, both weeping.

“Venti, no!” 

Do not be afraid, the wind whispered. I am sending to you another. A helper to aide you in my absence. I will return, one day soon. But for now…I must rest. 

Venti’s body vanished into the wind, leaving Capri and Naomi hugging one another and weeping. 

“What do you think he meant, another?” Naomi sniffled, her face pressed against Capri’s chest. 

“I don’t know,” Capri said, feeling sick. Venti had been defeated. How? Their angel, their god of freedom…defeated. That was…that was impossible. Gods couldn’t lose. Could they?

“Will it be alright?” Naomi asked, looking up at Capri tearfully. 

Forcing a smile, Capri leaned down and kissed her wife tenderly. “Of course. I’ll keep us safe. He’ll be back. You’ll see.”

But for now, Freedom was absent from the world. 

It was raining. Had been for days now. The shelters were all full, and they wouldn’t take dogs anyway. So, Kevin had found the driest alleyway he could find. He coughed, and Duke whined, reaching up to lick Kevin’s face. He smiled, patting the mutt gently before adjusting his raincoat. “It’s about that time, isn’t it, Duke?”

Duke shook himself off, and Kevin stood, adjusting his rain slicker. It wasn’t coming down too hard, just a steady drizzle that kept everything miserable and wet. Outside of the alleyway, people hurried by in pairs or alone, holding umbrellas or their jackets against the wind and rain. It was cold out there, and Kevin’s feet were numb. Best to get moving.

He stepped out of the alleyway, an old dirty lead on Duke, who was well trained enough he stuck to Kevin’s side. He was invisible, of course. People got out of his way, not even looking at the ragged middle aged man with an unkept beard. No one looked at you when you were homeless.

“Make way,” Kevin chuckled, making a motion with his hands as if to part the crowd. “Make way for the man who used to be the most powerful on earth…”

No one paid the ramblings of a homeless man any heed. Even if they were true. 

Worn trainers slapping on the pavement, Kevin made his way towards the bakery. It was about closing time, and his stomach rumbled. He hoped there would be something warm today. 

He arrived a little early, so he stood across the street from the bakery in another alleyway. Not the front, of course. The back, by the bins. 

The door opened, and a young woman with her hair tied back in a kerchief stepped out, bearing several bags of trash. She hoisted them into the bins, then turned around to go back inside. Kevin started forward, but then paused when she came back out, carrying another bag and a thermos. She looked around, and Kevin tried to shrink back, but it was too late. To his shock, the woman waved at him.

“Hey! It’s Kevin, right? It’s cold out, so I made you some hot tea,” she said, hurrying forward, her clothes and kerchief getting wet in the rain. She smiled at him, holding out the bag and thermos. “I’m sorry, it’s not much, but it’s something. I put in some sausage rolls for your dog too.”

Tears filled Kevin’s eyes, and he bowed his head. “Thank you. That…it means a lot.”

“Times are tough. We’ve all got to stick together, right?” the young woman said gently. She knelt down, reaching into the bag and pulling out one of the sausage rolls. “Here, boy.”

Duke eagerly took the pastry and snarfed it down, and Kevin crouched beside him, hugging the dog as he hate. “Thanks. His name is Duke.”

The woman nodded, smiling. “I’m Sara. I really do wish I could do more…but, well…I’m living with my parents still…” She held out the bag, and Kevin took it. 

“Nothing to be ashamed of in that, miss,” he said roughly, his voice raw with emotion. “Me and Duke appreciate it. Thank you, again.”

“You’re welcome,” Sara said, standing up. “I- oh god!” 

Kevin whirled, looking up to where Sara was staring, hand over her mouth in shock. But he knew. He just knew. 

There in the air he hung, like a golden god. Kevin smiled, spreading his arms wide as Duke whimpered and hid behind Kevin. He never liked it when He showed up. “There you are! I’ve missed you! The world has missed you! Did you…did you make them stop? Did you end that blasted war?”

Scion regarded Kevin. He looked…different. Neater. And more warlike. “What’d you do with that uniform I gave you?”

KEVIN NORTON. 

The words hit Kevin like a hammerblow, and he cried out in pain, falling to his knees as Duke began to bark and Sara screamed in pain and panic. “What…why…you…you’re supposed to be a hero…” But he’d never heard Scion speak before. Not even once. How…?

KEVIN NORTON. REJOYCE. YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. 

Blinking through the pain, Kevin peered up through the rain as Scion dropped down to stand above Kevin. Behind him, Sara was clutching at Duke, cowering behind Kevin as though he could protect her form the most powerful thing on the planet. 

“You can…talk? Why…why did you never before?” Kevin asked plaintively. 

KEVIN NORTON. FOR MANY YEARS, YOU SHOWED ME THE WAYS OF HUMANITY. YOU GAVE ME PURPOSE. DRIVE. WHEN I WAS LOST, YOU FOUND ME. 

Nervously, Kevin licked his lips and tried to smile. “All those talks…I was just ranting at you. But why…why did you listen to a homeless vagrant from London? Who are you? Where did you come from?”

YOU KNOW, KEVIN. I CAME FROM THE HEAVENS. I CAME TO UPLIFT HUMANITY. TO MAKE YOU BETTER. BUT I DID NOT COME ALONE. 

Kevin blinked in confusion, then slowly nodded. “The Archons…They’re…like you?”

Scion shook his head, golden eyes solemn. NO. ANOTHER. SHE WAS LIKE ME. BUT SHE DID NOT SURVIVE THE JOURNEY. WE WERE TO GIVE GREAT GIFTS TO HUMANITY. TO HELP YOU BECOME MORE THAN YOU ARE. THAT YOU MAY JOIN THE GREAT CYCLE, AND BRING ABOUT THE EVOLUTION OF YOUR SPECIES. 

Behind Kevin, Sara was whimpering and clutching at her head in pain. He shook his head, and reached out, hand touching the hem of Scion’s new cape that hung limply in the dead air. “Please, you’re hurting her…”

YOU WILL MAKE HER WORTHY. BUT FIRST, I MUST REPAY YOU. YOU SHALL BECOME THE HERALD OF THE CYCLE. YOU SHALL BE MY VOICE IN THIS WORLD. YOU SHALL CALL THE PEOPLE TO THE CYCLE, THAT THEY MAY BECOME LIKE ME. 

Kevin didn’t understand. None of this made sense. “Cycle? Evolution? Herald, I…I don’t understand.”

YOU WILL. Scion rested a hand on Kevin’s head and smiled at him. It looked almost right. The curl of the lips, the flash of the teeth, the crinkle around the eyes. But those eyes…they were cold. Calculating. Merciless. 

“Please, I don’t-”

Golden light suffused Kevin, and he was transfixed. His mind was filled with images of great objects, the size of which boggled the mind, clashing, spreading, endlessly spreading. Filling the cosmos with golden light.

And he understood. He finally understood why Scion was here. He really would turn humanity into more like him. Beings of great power. Gods. His kind were heralds, seeking out lesser races, granting them gifts, power. Something had gone wrong this time, but now, Kevin could help correct it. He just had to spread the word. Serve the Cycle.

And you would be uplifted. 

The power faded, and Kevin looked up at Scion. He bowed his head. “I will serve the Cycle, Lord Zion. I will prepare the way for you.”

GO THEN, MY HERALD. GO AND SHOW ALL THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD MY POWER. 

And then Zion was gone. But not completely. Kevin could hear his voice, feel his power, inside of his head. It would tell him what path to walk from now on. 

He turned, kicking aside the useless lower creature. The dog whined, but Kevin did not care. It was not worthy, not capable of producing useful data. Instead, he lifted up Sara, who was trembling. 

“You…you know Scion? I-”

“Zion,” Kevin corrected gently. “He is Zion. And he has come to complete us.”

“I…I don’t-” Sara gasped as Kevin grabbed at her, her eyes going wide, face pale as she shook with fear. 

“Be at peace, child. You bore witness to a miracle today. Rejoyce. Soon, all of humanity with know of Zion and the Cycle. You will be the first to hear this message.”

He infused her with his power then. Not too much. Just the right amount. She gasped, eyes rolling back in her head as she experienced the same vision and ecstasy that Kevin had. When her eyes opened again, she had a beatific smile on her face. 

“That was…incredible. How…how can I…?” 

“We will need food,” Kevin said, picking up the now soggy bag of leftover bread. “We must spread the word. Propagate. To the ends of the universe. All must know of the Cycle. This is how humanity can become so much more.”

Taking Sara’s arm, he led her into the bakery. She was the first of his disciples. Together, they would spread the word of Zion, of how he had given humanity powers. Now was the time of testing. Only those worthy would be allowed to ascend as part of the Cycle. He found find fertile ground here to recruit.

The door slammed shut behind him, and Duke whimpered in the rain, shivering and forgotten. 

For in the Cycle, there was neither Wisdom, nor Love. Only power and propagation. 

The Second Archon War: Superbia Hominum 14

Superbia Hominum 14: The Storm

Picking herself up off the ground, Alexandria shook her head, then looked towards where the massive storm was already forming. She could only stare in blank astonishment, her Thinker powers trying to catch up to the new data she’d just obtained. She was still blinking when Wyatt landed beside her. “Alex! Alex, are you OK?”

Shaking her head, she turned to him, giving him a tight frustrated smile. “I’ll live.”

“We tried to spring the Ambush, but first the Aranara kept us out, then…that,” Hero said lamely, gesturing to the gathering storm. As he spoke, not one, not two, but three tornadoes touched down and began shredding the earth around the area. “I, uh, I think we might have underestimated Venti a tad.”

“I fucking told you.”

Alexandria and Wyatt both turned as Legend swooped down beside them, then pointed to the west. “We need to evac. Now.”

“We’re miles away at this point, this should be safe-” Alexandria began, then her senses triggered, and she activated her vision, forming a shield around Wyatt and Legend as a boulder the size of a train car slammed into them. 

“...This is POTUS. All Protectorate forces, gather all allies and civilians and fall back to rally point Charlie. No…rally point…shit. Fall back to Warsaw.”

“Say again?” Chevalier’s voice said over the radio. “Warsaw?”

“Confirm, fall back to Warsaw,” Alexandria said as the storm before them only grew in intensity. “And pray that’s far enough.”

For a long moment, Alexandria stared at the storm, Hero beside her. 

“I’m just going to say it,” Legend said, as yet another enormous tornado sprouted, and the ground beneath their feet rocked as hard as a 7.0 Earthquake. “I told you so. Do you understand now? They’re not parahumans. They’re not Vision Holders. They’re gods. We can’t fight that. Shit. How the fuck are we going to fight Scion, when they’re clearly afraid of him?”

“We have to get stronger,” Alexandria whispered, feeling sick as she watched shards of ice the size of skyscrapers explode into fragments bigger than airplanes and begin to rain down around them. “But for that to happen, we have to survive. Come on.”

They turned about and sped away towards Warsaw, a familiar numbness washing over Alexandria. What they were doing…it wasn’t working. Parahumans, Vision Holders, Delusions…it would never be enough to fight beings on that level. They had to find a way. There had to be a way. Because the alternative was too ghastly to even begin to contemplate. 

Groaning, Amber blinked her eyes. Her head felt like someone had used it as a bongo, and her vision was still swimming. 

“Hey, can you stand? How many fingers am I holding up?” a man’s voice asked. 

Vision focusing, Amber beheld three fingers, held up in the German fashion, with thumb, pointer, and middle finger. “Three…”

“Good. Can you stand? We need to run. Whatever the Tsaritsa and Barbados are doing, it’s creating a tempest the likes of which I’ve never seen before,” the man said. 

Amber’s vision focused on the man, and she blinked. Then let out a scream and tried to scramble away from the Servant. “GET AWAY FROM ME!” Where was the Dancer!? Amber could practically feel those cold strings wrapping about her, twisting her mind, robbing her of her free will, and sending her to kill her friends. Even Lauren. 

“No, stop! Shit, look, I was mind controlled too!” the Servant called, grabbing Lauren’s shoulder and arresting her crawl. “Look! I’m just…I’m free. Oh gods. After all those months…I…I’m…”

He let go, falling to his knees and clutching at his head, sobbing. Despite herself, Amber paused. Was this a trick? She decided she didn’t care. 

Slowly, she got to her feet and awkwardly patted Thoma on the back. “Um, it’s OK. You’re free now. Guess that song stopped the mind control, huh?” 

Still shuddering, Thoma nodded, tears streaming down his face. “I…Yes. I just…I loved her. I would…I would have done whatever she asked. So why…?”

“You…you loved the Tsaritsa?” Amber asked, feeling slightly sick at the thought. Kollei did love her mother, but she had a feeling that was not what Thoma meant here.

“No. Yes. I mean…no, it was…Anastasia. I thought…I thought I loved her,” Thoma said, getting to his feet with a helping hand from Amber. “But she…oh gods. What she did to me…it was worse than rape. Worse than…”

Thoma bent over, heaving out his stomach, while Amber rubbed his back. She looked behind them, and her heart sank as she beheld a giant tornado bearing down on them. “Um, could you maybe, ah, finish so we can run? Otherwise, I think we’re going to die.”

“Right. Come along,” Thoma said, grabbing Amber’s hand and pulling her close. She winced, but he hastily explained, “My shield. It should protect us.”

Then they booked it as fast as they could away from the tempest, but with every footfall, Amber’s heart sank. She was betraying her Oath to Kollei. How could she do that? She could feel that Venti’s song had scrubbed it from her soul, but still…she hadn’t meant for this to happen.

“Why, Lord Barbados?” Amber whispered as she fled. “I just asked for you to please speak to Kollei and her mother. To explain. To make peace. I never wanted this…”

But all she could do was flee before the wrath of the gods unleashed. 

Colin was dreaming. He knew it was a dream, but somehow, he didn’t care. He was back in Baghdad, sitting in his class on Applied Elemental Engineering. The faces of the other students were blurred and shapeless, and if Colin focused on them, he knew they’d disappear. But his eyes were drawn to the young woman at the front of the room, with her bright smile and enthusiasm for the subject. 

What the lecture was, Colin didn’t particularly care. He’d found the subjects endlessly fascinating and had spent long hours after class doing further research, as well as incorporating them into his halberd. He blinked, and in the manner of dreams, he was suddenly at his workbench, inscribing runes into his halberd so that it could draw on elemental energy, though the runes rippled and changed, even as he wrote them. But somehow, she was still there, at his side. 

“It would never work,” Colin said, looking up at Tessa. “You’re a child. No more than what, five years old? Even if you do look like a college co-ed. That’d still be too young for me. I'd still be more than a decade older than you still.” 

“Excuse me? I’m a what?” Tessa demanded, frowning at Colin and adjusting her glasses. 

The dream…sharpened. Things became more defined, less vague, and Colin looked back down at his halberd. The wires were no longer a random shifting birdnest, instead a perfect replica of what they were in real life. 

Colin sighed. “At least this isn’t a dream where we start off naked. As much fun as those are. I just need to get over it. It’s not like it would work out, even without the age differential. You’re…well, a dragon, and I’m a washed up failure.”

Tessa went bright red, covering her mouth with her hands. “You! Are you serious!? You actually- never mind. Look, I’m immortal, Colin. And I’m not five. Well, OK, technically, I am, but I’ve experienced a hell of a lot more time than that. I’m not a child!” 

“Yeah, yeah, and neither is Kusinali. Why couldn’t women work more like machines,” Colin said, picking up his screwdriver to go back to working on his halberd. “At least I understand machines.”

A hand grabbed Colin’s wrist, and he frowned. He…felt that. Odd. It wasn’t uncomfortable, far from it, just…that’s not how dreams usually worked. “I’m basically half machine, you know,” Tessa told him. 

“That’s half the reason I like you,” Colin said, looking up and meeting her eyes. They were green right now, though they looked human enough, save for the fact that one iris was in the shape of a gear, and the other a flower petal. “The other half is you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I’ve never had conversations with anyone like the ones we’ve had about integrating Elemental Energy with modern technology. Especially after…well. After what Kusinali did to me.”

“I…um, I enjoyed those too,” Tessa said, letting go of Colin’s hand and leaning in closer. He could feel her breath on his cheek. Odd. This was a very odd dream. Pleasant, but odd. 

“Heck with it,” Colin said, and grabbed Tessa, pulling her in close and kissing her deeply. He’d never get the chance to do this in the waking world, so he might as well enjoy a dream for what it was. He reached up and grabbed her breast, giving it a squeeze. He did rather enjoy this human form too. 

“I hate to interrupt, but perhaps you should engage in, ah, courtship rituals later. We must talk, and it cannot wait.”

Tessa let out a squawk and pushed Colin away, even as he jerked up right and spun to find Lesser Lord Kusinali staring up at him. 

“Uh,” he stammered, glancing at Tessa, who was grinning like an idiot as she slowly stood herself. “Please tell me this is still a dream.”

“It is a Dream, but not an ordinary one. It seems Tessa has pulled you into our realm, Colin. It’s good to see you again! I’m glad you two are getting along! Tessa has been very lonely without you,” Nahida said with a giggle, covering her mouth with one hand, her eyes sparkling just like a little girls, even if they were far too wise for that.

Colin felt like his face had just burst into flames, and he slowly turned to Tessa, his heart sinking. “Oh God. Tessa, I, I’m so sorry, I-”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not much of an expert on kissing but that was pretty good,” Tessa said, still smiling at him. “Still think I’m a child, eh?”

There was quite simply no way to answer that question, so Colin did the only possible intelligent thing. He shut his mouth and kept it that way.

“Tessa. What happened? Why have Barbados and Dantalion clashed?” Nahida asked. “I was keeping an eye on things, but when the Tsaritsa arrived, my vision of the event was scattered as the Aranara fled,” Nahida said, looking up at the Dendro Dragon.

Tessa grimaced and shook her head. “You heard the song, right? The Tone Deaf Bards broke some sort of enchantment on the Servant. It was bedlam. I tried to restore peace, but I failed! Oh gods, Nahida, I think…they’re going to kill one another! This was our one shot at peace, our one hope Kollei would finally gain wisdom, and it’s all ruined because of me?”

“No, don’t blame yourself,” Nahida said firmly. “You did all you could. They violated the truce and defiled sacred ground. I think I see the picture now. Someone threatened Kollei, did they not?”

Bile filled Colin’s stomach, and he felt lower than a worm. He knelt down before Nahida, bowing his head. “I…I’m sorry. Lord Kusinali…we, that is, the Protectorate…we planned to betray and ambush the Princess to draw out the Tsaritsa. What fools we were. We thought we could fight a god and win. Instead…it seems we ruined your own plans with our hubris.”

“What!? Colin, how could you?!” Tessa demanded, sounding truly hurt. 

“It was…the only way. We were losing. Badly. Eidolon is out of commission. Possibly for weeks,” Colin explained. “I know it doesn’t justify it, but…Poland…it’s the land of my ancestors. Something had to be done to save it. And with that poor girl Amber in the Dancer’s clutches…I couldn’t just see another innocent soul brainwashed and turned into a sick puppet.” 

Then he swallowed and met Tessa’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but it was my duty to follow the plan. And…I would have done so regardless. We have to stop her. I hope you can understand. And forgive me.”

Tessa looked away, folding her arms over her chest and looking hurt. “I thought you were better than that is all.”

“I am afraid that regardless of how the conference went, Wisdom would not have prevailed,” Nahida said, taking Tessa’s hand and squeezing it. The Dragon looked down at the Archon, sniffling, then knelt and let Nahida give her a hug. 

“Thanks. I just…it’s all so senseless. We should be fighting Scion! He’s the real threat.”

“Hmm,” Colin said, shifting uncomfortably. The official Protectorate line was still that Scion was one of Earth’s greatest heroes. Unofficially though…how could anyone even think of hurting Nahdia? Colin and Hannah had argued about it more than once, but Miss Militia just couldn’t see past her redeeming Farasha. There was something else too, something about that strange woman named Ziz, but Colin didn’t have the clearance for that. Though he did have a theory. Maybe Farasha wasn’t the only monster Nahida had tamed. 

Then Nahida turned to Colin and smiled up at him, so he knelt before her as well. “There does come the matter of what to do with you. How are you holding up? To see the wrath of an Archon unleashed…it’s not something mortal minds were meant to behold.”

Touching his forehead, Colin grimaced. “I’m fine, I suppose. Ever since…whatever it was you did…I’ve been better. I don’t know how you did it, but I even let go of my grudge against Legend and Chevalier.” Colin had held on to that anger for sending him to play second fiddle to Rime in Philadelphia for years. But after Nahida touched him, he’d come to a startled realization. He hadn’t been ready for leadership. He was too focused on his own advancement, and not being a team player. 

“That was your demon, not you,” Tessa said, giving Colin a wan smile. 

Demon. Passenger. Shard. Where did they come from? Colin was certain Visions came from Archons, along with elemental energy. It was painfully obvious, since upon the arrival of each new Archon, a new kind of Vision was introduced to the world. As for Shards…that brought up an interesting question.

“Lord Kusinali,” Colin said slowly, his mind formulating an answer. “Visions come from Archons, yes? I know it’s more complicated than that, but in essence, that is true, is it not?”

“Correct,” Nahida said with a nod of her head. “Are you certain you want the answer to your next question? It will rock your world to the core, Colin.”

“I do,” he said, having to remember once again that this adorable child was the most powerful Master in the world, and could read minds like books, which made his thoughts about Tessa all the more uncomfortable in her presence. “Scion. Is he the source of the Shards? Parahumans began appearing after he did. Is he a sort of Archon?”

“Once more the answer is more complicated, but yes, Scion is the source of shards.” Nahida said sadly. “He, and his fallen mate. But unlike Visions, they send their demons as a scourge to mankind, to devour their souls and use them as fuel for their Cycle. But he is no Archon. He is a demon, not of this world, come to consume it. The Archons, even the Tsaritsa, love humanity, and see you as our children. We were sent to save you, I think.”

And if a Thinker as potent as Nahida believed that, then Colin would too. If parahuman classifications even applied to an Archon. “So, it follows then that Scion is also the source of the Endbringers.” 

Nahida hesitated, her eyes darting to Tessa, who grimaced. “No, Colin. He is not. The other one, that Nahida mentioned. The Dead God that…never mind. Scion didn’t create the Endbringers, but they are of the same source as he is.”

“The mate you mentioned,” Colin said with a slow nod. Things were making sense now. “As her last act, she must have unleashed the Endbringers.”

“That is…one way of viewing it,” Nahida said, nodding slowly. “I do not fully understand the situation yet. I require more knowledge before I can gain wisdom. The next time the Simurgh and I meet, I shall find out. There must be a way to stop them and keep more from appearing. For the Demon Beast I see on the horizon…it is the most terrible of all.”

That made Colin’s blood run cold. An Archon found an Endbringer horrifying? Who would preserve them when even God’s angels trembled in terror? “How much of this should I share with the Protectorate?”

“All of it,” Nahida said immediately. “Please. Tell them all I have said. All Tessa has told you as well. America must turn back from the path they walk, or your people will suffer the fate of Khaenri'ah. I have not the time to tell its full story here, but return soon. And I will explain all I can, save for the Forbidden Knowledge. If such knowledge is unleashed upon this world…I do not know how we will save it, for that is a threat more dire than even the Sustainer of the Cycle.”

“Alright.” Colin bowed his head to Nahida, then stood up and turned to Tessa. He felt himself blushing again. “I, ah, I’m sorry. I thought this was all a dream, and well, ah…I behaved unprofessionally.”

“Hmm. Nahida, cover your eyes,” Tessa said. 

Nahida giggled and complied, and Colin steeled himself for the slap he knew he was coming. Tessa reached for him and-

Pulled his face to hers so she could lock lips with him. Colin stiffened for a moment, and his mind raced with all the reasons this was a bad idea. 

She won’t mind. And she isn’t a child. Go on. This was written in the stars long ago, Nahida’s voice said in his head. 

Well heck with it. If the Angel of Wisdom approved, who was Colin to gainsay her? 

When they finally broke apart, Nahida was gone, which made Colin feel a bit better. 

“You could stay. In Baghdad, with me. We could go over blueprints and schematics every day,” Tessa said, holding Colin close. 

“I’d like that,” Colin said, his voice hoarse. “But I can’t. I have to see this through to the end. My friends, my country…they’re counting on me. I can’t abandon them now.”

“I know,” Tessa said, wiping away tears. She’d already taken off her glasses so they didn’t get in the way. “If you would, I don’t think I’d be so fond of you. I’ll send you back to the base near Lask. That’s far enough from the battle you’ll be safe for now. Come back safe, OK?”

“I’ll always think of you in my dreams,” Colin said, cupping her face. There was time for one last kiss, and then he returned to the waking world, stepping out of the Dream. He turned to the East, where he could see the massive storm. The earth shuddered slightly, and Colin braced himself. 

Whatever came next was going to be ugly. 

Contessa started at the storm, looking at it from the doorway that stared out onto the open plain. It had been going for hours now, and was only expanding. Warsaw was being evacuated, as was all of Eastern Poland. The destruction so far was staggering, with entire towns and villages obliterated by the Storm. It was the same on the Ukrainian side. 

Looking down at Eighty, Contessa asked the God of the Path aloud, “What will be the result of this storm? Who will win?”

It was silent. Useless. 

So Contessa took out a bowl of water, a pipe of Dendro infused hashish, and a Catalyst she’d been gifted by Nahida Saeed. Lighting the pipe, Contessa puffed on it, and let her mind drift. She used her Catalyst to infuse the water with Elemental Energy, creating Hydro. Then she blew smoke from her pipe over the water, creating a Bloom core. Picking up the core, Contessa held it in her hands, focusing on the energy inside. 

“What will be the result of this storm? Who will win?” she whispered. 

Constellations formed in her mind, twinkling stars that unraveled a tapestry of images. She saw the Wind battle the Snow, both vying for dominance. Great stones fell from them, striking a flat plain. The stones grew, becoming enormous towers that loomed over the plains, and monsters spawned from them. Creatures of howling winds and icy gales that fell upon the denizens of the plains. Then she looked to the stars, where she saw a flashing series of images. 

A white eagle squawked and lost some feathers from its right-wing, but remained mostly whole.

A knight on a white horse with a golden shield was thrown and lost his left arm to the wind.

A trident was rent in two, its right tine falling off and consumed by ice. 

Another white knight on a white horse with a blue shield lost its shield and horse to ice. 

A griffin and a lion were separated, the lion consumed by a bear, the griffin going to roost on a windy peak to lick its wounds.

Three blue lions were chained and slaughtered, a great bear feasting upon their flesh until it had completely consumed them. 

And a bear sat by the sea, bloody, battered, its fur coated with ice…and grinned. It turned south, licking its chops, then ambled towards a camel under a crescent moon. Still hungry. 

Contessa’s eyes flashed open. Someone was shaking her. She blinked, looking up to find the terrified face of Doctor Mother. 

“WE HAVE TO GO!” Doctor Mother shouted, bodily lifting Contessa up. Ice covered the ground around them and the wind raged and howled. Boulders and shards of ice the size of horses were scattered about Contessa, the open doorway behind her. How long had she been out?

“I had a Dream,” Contessa mumbled as Doctor Mother carried her towards the doorway. “I saw…I saw the future.”

“You always see the future, foolish girl,” Doctor Mother snorted as she reached the threshold. “This time, it nearly got you killed.”

“That was the safest spot,” Contessa mumbled. She reached into her jacket, and took out Eighty, looking into its googly eyes. “But the Path wasn’t what helped. It’s so useless.”

Her path started to flood her with answers, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to drown out the droning voice of the little god. It was lies. It was all lies. She’d discovered these truths. Not through the Path, but through her own Dreams and Visions. 

Doctor Mother set Contessa down on a couch in her office, where she lay, still half drugged, still listening to the buzz of her path as it tried to interpret her dreams. But it was so bad at it. It lacked any and all imagination. She felt a warm cup pressed into her hands, and she looked down to see a mug of green tea. 

“Drink. You’re half frostbitten,” Doctor Mother ordered. 

Sitting up, Contessa slurped down the tea, burning her tongue slightly. There was honey in it, and she enjoyed the sweetness. She hunched over the cup as Doctor Mother fussed at her and made her take off her jacket and hat, which were both soaked. “Honestly. You’d think a Thinker 12 would have more sense. Did your path tell you that you wouldn’t get sick from this?

You will run a fever for three days. Take medication immediately and raise core temperature to prevent viral pneumonia. 

“My path is stupid. You put Dendro in the tea. I’ll be fine,” Contessa mumbled. 

The path paused its horribly misplaced diagnosis. It couldn’t even tell how the infusion of Dendro would heal Contessa and reinvigorate her body. She’d know Doctor Mother would take care of her if she overdid it. But the Path hadn’t even calculated that. It started to rattle off a correction.

Shut. Up. 

Doctor Mother sat quietly with Contessa for long minutes. She could tell that her mother-

Contessa paused, her eyes going wide as she slowly turned to Doctor Mother. 

“Well?” the Doctor asked, raising her eyebrow. 

“Would…would you mind if…” Contessa almost asked her Path. She was so used to always going to it for answers. Always relying on it to guide her. No. She would forge her own way ahead on this. “...can I call you mom?”

Doctor Mother blinked at Contessa for a moment. Then, her eyes filled with tears, and she wrapped her arm around Contessa. Both women were crying now, hugging one another tightly. 

“Yes, Fortuna. You can call me mom,” Doctor Mother, no, mom, whispered in Contessa’s ear. 

“Thank you. Mom.” Contessa cried, squeezing Doctor Mother tightly.

After that, they sat quietly together for several minutes, drinking their honeyed tea. At last, Contessa sighed, and set her cup down. 

“They’re going to divide Eastern Europe, and create a new mountain range. After licking her wounds, for no more than a season, the Tsaritsa will attack Kazakhstan.” 

She quickly explained her visions and how they represented different countries in Europe. It was a rather straightforward and blatant vision, for which Contessa was grateful. 

“So, you’re saying that a new mountain range will stretch from the Baltic Sea to the Black Sea, dividing Latvia, Lithuania, Belarus, the Ukraine, and a small chunk of Poland,” Doctor Mother said slowly. “And where are these mountains coming from?”

“They will be made of ice and wind, and of the earth, torn and sundered by the wrath of the gods,” Contessa said, closing her eyes and thinking back to her vision. “The world once more will be shaped by the gods.” 

“That is disturbing. They’ve been fighting for twelve hours now, and the storm already stretches for hundreds of kilometers. How much longer can it last?” Doctor Mother asked plaintively. 

Contessa met her eyes. “Until one is the victor.”

For three days and three nights, the Great Storm raged. Starting in Poland, pushed to the east, then it expanded both north and south, stretching for more than 1500 kilometers on a jagged path that cut through Eastern Europe. Relentlessly, the Great Storm was driven eastward, until it was just east of Riga, then down to the west of Minsk,  passing just to the west of Kyiv, and finally ending west of Odessa. Beneath the storm, great peaks were ripped from the earth and built upon by layers of Cryo and Anemo that condensed, infusing the rocks with power. 

By the end of it, the Storm Range covered tens of thousands of square kilometers, its highest peak, Mount Burya in Northern Ukraine, rising to 3671 meters in elevation, where the low plain had once been less than 200 meters. The average height was somewhat less, around 2000 meters, but it was still a near impossible task to calculate just how much energy and power had gone into creating the mountains. 

The storm did not peter out. Instead, after raging for 80 hours, it simply ceased. The winds calmed, the barrage of ice ended, and the clouds scattered, revealing the new mountain range in all their terrible glory. Craggy peaks of nearly raw elemental energy. 

The death toll had been surprisingly mild. While multiple cities had been completely leveled and some even swallowed up by the mountains, those caught in the storm had found themselves picked up and almost gently deposited away from the storm itself. Only those who had been foolish enough to charge into it or a few who had fought against it were ripped to shreds, never to be seen again.

The Great Storm was also highly discriminating in where it placed those who survived it. German and Polish POWs on the Russian side were universally blown back to their own allies. Similarly, Russians and those loyal to the Tsaritsa found themselves placed on her side of the new range. 

Still, it amounted to thousands dead, an almost incalculable amount of damage, and the landscape of Europe so drastically altered that scientists would be attempting to map the peaks for centuries to come. It was a hard task: the raw elemental energy infused and twisted whatever life inhabited the peak into horrific monsters, born of the wrath of the gods. Such creatures zealously defended their homes, and any expedition that was not well armed and armored found itself slaughtered. And even then, many brave and cautious explorers were killed in the attempt.

It was the greatest sign that the world had changed. More than the advent of monsters, more than the arrival of visions, more even than the slaying of Endbringers. The Great Storm showed that gods once more walked amongst mankind, and the world would be reshaped according to their whims. 

And while the world watched and trembled, one entity beheld the destruction…and smiled. 

The Cycle would be completed. 

Author’s Note:

I am fully aware that Contessa and Doctor Mother having a loving daughter-mother relationship is incredibly OOC and non-canon. But that’s because even Cauldron gets to have depth and loved ones in this story instead of just being a clown fiesta of depression and incompetence. 

I mean, they still are a clown fiesta of depression and incompetence, but they get to be cool and multi-dimensional at the same time. 

The Second Archon War: Comedia Glacialis 19

Comedia Glacialis 19: The Calm Before 

The day of January 14th, 2005, dawned cold and clear on the Allied side of the line, though a blizzard perpetually clouded over the Russian side as always. All eyes were on the sky as from the south, a great wyrm appeared over Europe. More than 100 meters long, made of interwoven metal and plant life, with wings that stretched farther than any airplane at 150 meters and mounted with two giant elemental jets on either side. Sayidat Alzuhur the Dendro Dragon had arrived. Or just Tessa to her friends. 

Landing exactly on the border between the two sides, the dragon quickly grew a large grove of fir trees that sheltered a meadow where a large wooden table sprouted. Pathways to both the Russian camp and Bialystok where the Allied forces were headquartered formed, and the Dendro Dragon loomed over the clearing, studying her work before nodding. Then she transformed into an ordinary looking young woman with glasses, and seated herself at the head of the long table, producing several stacks of paper and clipboards.

It wasn’t long until the two delegations arrived. The Fatuui were headed by the Imperial Princess, but the Witch, Dancer, Servant, and Thief attended her, along with several officers and a cadre of capes. With them, Amber and several other prisoners were being escorted in bonds of icy vines. Before they could enter the thicket, however, two little fairies bared their way. 

“Frozen Nara may not bring all her Murkhah Nara with her,” Arabalika declared, pointing with his staff. “She may bring twelve nara with her. No more.”

“How interesting. And you think you can stop us, little one?” Yelizaveta asked, grinning wickedly at the tiny fairy. 

 “Wicked Nara does scare Arabalika,” the forest spirit said, leveling his stick at the Witch. “Seven. No more.”

“It’s fine. We will conform to Ambassador Richter’s wishes,” Kollei said, frowning at the Witch, who shrugged and smiled. “What of the prisoners we brought to exchange?” 

“Rules did not mention prisoners. Twelve,” the other aranara, a small blue one named Ararycan said. Then both Aranara faded from the vision of all there, save Kollei, who could still see the spirits thanks to her age and Vision. 

Turning, Kollei glared around at the Harbingers. “We are here for peace. Do not violate my mother’s will. We will exchange prisoners, and discuss further terms. Understood?”

“Of course, your Highness,” Anastasia said, curtseying prettily. Thoma bowed at the waist, while Anatoly inclined his head. Liza just laughed.

“Oh, of course. I wouldn’t think of betraying the Tsaritsa’s purpose here.”

Gritting her teeth, Kollei pointed. “Amber, you’re with us, as are Captains Sergi. The rest of you, wait here. Keep an eye out, but don’t violate the truce.”

“The Knight is taken as one of ours?” Anatoly asked, his eyes narrowing at Amber. 

“Do you think that four Harbingers are not enough to protect me?” Kollei demanded. “Or that I cannot protect myself?”

“No. Of course not. My apologies, Princess,” Anatoly said, bowing slightly.

Turning, Kollei stalked forward. There would be peace. One way, or another. 

Waiting for them at the table were people familiar to Kollei. Grandmaster Cookie had Capri and Naomi seated to either side of her, the two bards dressed in leather and the grandmaster in full plate. They didn’t appear armed save for their Visions, but that didn’t mean much. Next to the Knights were Ajaks, Rozalyn, and Colonel Pawłowska. Each were dressed in winter battle dress uniforms of the Republic of Poland. And at the foot of the table, the largest delegation were the four Americans. 

President Alexandria was resplendent in her new uniform, which looked a tad garish with the American Flag and golden epaulets with long tassles. Legend wore his usual aquamarine spandex, while Miss Militia was also decked out in the red, white, and blue in her power armor. The last one was known to Kollei only due to recent briefings: Armsmaster, real name Colin Wallis. A Tinker who also had power armor he’d created himself. Odd, Kollei had expected Hero, Alexandria’s husband. She wondered why Armsmaster was here instead, but dismissed it as unimportant for now. 

The two delegations glared at one another for a moment, except for Amber, who grinned and waved cheerily, apparently completely unable to read the room. “Uh, hey guys! Um, I’m fine! Actually gained like two kilos. Honestly, not my choice of vacation, but still, not the worst prisoner experience ever! Two and a half stars.”

Cookie looked to Amber, and gave her a severe nod. “It’s good to see you’re healthy, Amber. We’ll talk later.”

Clearing her throat, Theresa turned all eyes to her. “Now, I’ll be saying the opening invocation. Bow your heads and doff your headcovers, please.”

There was a pregnant pause until Kollei glanced at her Harbingers. “Do it. We’re here in good faith.”

A slight rusting and clinking occurred as helmets were removed, and Kollei closed her eyes. 

“O Allah the Merciful, we are gathered here today in the name of Lesser Lord Kusinali, your servant, in the pursuit of peace. May those gathered here be blessed by her wisdom, and speak only truth, that we may find common ground this day. Amen.” 

With that, Theresa smiled and clapped her hands. “Righto. Have a seat, everyone. And no funny business. If I have to sit on anyone, I will. And I might not look it, but I’ve got a mighty big behind.”

There was a snort of laughter from the American delegation, and Kollei noted that Armsmaster had covered his mouth with a hand, a look of amusement plain on his face. 

“Now, I have several proposals from each side, and I’ve decided we’re going to skip the obvious ones, like the Russians simply leaving Poland or the Polish immediately surrendering, because they wouldn't be terribly productive,” Tessa continued, her expression and tone neutral. “Instead, I think it best to start with the proposed prisoner exchanges. Each side was instructed to bring a list of those they’ve taken prisoner. Have you done so?”

“I have them here,” Colonel Pawłowska said, handing several sheets of paper to the Dendro Dragon. 

“I as well,” Kollei said, offering her own list. 

The dragon flipped through both lists, then shook her head. “These are incomplete. Can you produce the correct lists, or would you like me to?”

“Well if you had them sweetie, what’s the point in asking us?” Liza said, sounding amused. 

Tessa glared at the Witch, but she just smiled. “This was a chance for you both to come clean and be as honest as possible.”

“I apologize, Dendro Dragon. Our advance has been so rapid that not all prisoners have been able to be accounted for,” Kollei said, hastily producing a sheet of paper she’d wanted to keep hidden. “Um, this list…it has a few additional prisoners.”

Namely, all the ones she’d kept hidden in the Dream. She should have known the Dendro Dragon wouldn’t be fooled by such a scheme. 

“Those are all the prisoners we are willing to trade,” Alexandria said flatly. “Any others simply aren’t on the table at the moment.”

“Very well,” the Dendro Dragon said, and with a wave of her hands, she grew a copy of each list, passing it over to the other side. 

Kollei paged through the list quickly, recognizing several dozen names. Most of them weren’t capes, but there were a couple of minor parahumans and a couple of Vision holders who had been captured. 

“I notice one name is absent from this list,” Cookie’s voice said, and Kollei looked up to meet the Grandmaster’s glare. “Where’s Amber’s name?”

Amber wilted slightly, looking at Kollei with a wounded expression. Taking a deep breath, Kollei closed her eyes, then said, “I intend to let Sir Amber leave with you as a gesture of goodwill.”

There were mutters from the other side, and Kollei sensed the frustration and anger from the Harbingers, but she ignored it. Amber had let out a cheer, and to Kollei’s embarrassment, Amber tried to hug her even with her manacles on. 

“On what condition?” Colonel Pawłowska demanded. 

“No conditions. I want to show that coexistence is possible. That my Mother can be reasonable. That life under her rule is better,” Kollei said firmly.

“This is a trick of some sort,” Alexandria said, her face flushed. “You’re playing us.”

“We accept,” Cookie interrupted, glaring at the president. “On one condition.”

“What, one free high value prisoner isn’t enough for you?” Anastasia said, turning a frustrated look on Kollei. She’d actually proposed the same thing, but only after she’d brainwashed Amber to be loyal to the Tsaritsa. Kollei had refused, as that would have defeated the entire point. Besides, the Dancer’s influence wasn’t exactly subtle. 

“And that is?” Tessa said, holding up a hand. 

“That we play a song first,” Cookie said, nodding to Capri and Naomi, who quickly stood. 

“Now hold on a minute, this has to be a trap, we can’t just walk into this,” Alexandria said, but the Knights ignored her. “We had a deal, Katherine!” 

Deal? That sounded ominous to Kollei. What was this song?

“A song?” Anatoly sneered, shaking his head. “This only wastes our time.”

“Cookie? Don’t you trust me?” Amber asked plaintively, looking wounded. 

“I do, Amber. But I also have to be realistic. You’re sitting next to the Dancer, after all,” Cookie said firmly. “Play it.”

“Right,” Capri said, and a shimmering object appeared in her hands. Instantly, the Harbingers were on their feet, weapons drawn, while Captain Sergi dove in front of Kollei, activating his Anemo Delusion to create a barrier.

“Oh for crying- will you relax!? It’s my AXE. Not my sword,” Capri huffed, holding up an electric guitar. Around her, the allies had similarilarly risen to battle posture, glaring across the table at their counterparts. Only Theresa and Kollei were still sitting, with even Amber standing and trembling in fear as Anatoly held a pistol to her head. 

DOWN. NOW. The draconic rumble coming from Tessa was disturbing, as was the green glow coming from her eyes. Still, no one complied, until Kollei spoke. 

“Weapons down. All of you,” Kollei barked. “It’s an instrument. It’s harmless.”

Slowly, the Harbingers complied, and a moment later, so did the allies, until it was just Capri with her guitar, and Naomi with a violin of all things. How many instruments did the woman play?

“With your permission, Miss Dragon?” Capri said sarcastically. Tessa gave her a nod, though the green glow didn’t fade from her eyes. 

Capri and Naomi began to play a tune that Kollei didn’t recognize, and a warm breeze began to blow from the West behind them, rich in elemental energy. Apparently, Lord Barbados was listening. Behind Kollei, a cold wind began to stir, though her mother was slower to react than Kollei thought she would be. 

I want to break free, I want to break free

At the opening verse, Thoma suddenly stiffened, and Kollei turned to him curiously. Did he sense some malice in the words? Anastasia’s lips had firmed, and her eyes were glued to the Tone Deaf bards, so she didn’t notice at first. 

I want to break free from your lies

You're so self-satisfied I don't need you

“GAH!” Thoma gasped, slipping from his chair, and clutching at his head. Anastasia’s head whipped around, her eyes going wide. 

“Thoma!? What is-”

The Tone Deaf Bards continued to play, and Barbatos’ wind increased in strength, as if the song was guiding it. Kollei stood up, her heart pounding. What was happening? 

I've got to break free

“YAAAAAAAAHHH!” Thoma screamed, ripping off his demon mask and hurling it away from himself. 

“THOMA!” Anastasia scrambled out of her chair, trying to grab onto her Servant’s head. “No, please, I love you, don’t-”

God knows, God knows I want to break free

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Thoma bellowed, wrenching his Pyro Delusion off and flinging it into Anastasia’s face before grabbing Amber and erecting a barrier around himself “GET AWAY!”

“They’re casting a spell! GET THEM!” the Witch roared, and Kollei could only scream in horror as she flung a sphere of electro at the Tone Deaf Bards, who despite the chaos, continued to play. 

Then all hell broke loose. Tessa Richter disappeared, replaced by the bellowing Dendro Dragon, whose commands for order were ignored. Cookie charged at Anastasia who was pounding at Thoma’s barrier, only for Anatoly to meet her halfway across the table and deliver a devastating kick that sent the Grandmaster flying backwards through the air. Legend was firing his lasers at the Witch, who screamed in pain as she took a blow before firing back. 

And Alexandra herself charged at Kollei, her face grim as one fist was cocked back to slam right into Kollei’s forehead, icy death coating the President’s body.

ENOUGH. 

A great claw of vine wrapped metal slapped down the President, only for the Dendro Dragon to warble in pain as Alexandria tossed her off. The Tone Deaf Bards had stopped playing and were now dueling Anatoly and coming off the worse for it, the two of them barely able to keep up. Anastasia was leaping after her brother, strands of watery control reaching out for the bards. 

Kollei formed a barrier of thorny vines about herself, but Armsmaster hacked through them with his halberd, and then Alexandria hit the barrier so hard that Kollei was flung to the ground, her teeth rattling at the impact. She tried to fight back, but her attacks just splashed off of Alexandria like they were nothing. Once more, an icy fist descended towards her, and Kollei saw her death coming.

Then, everything froze. The air itself turned to ice, and time slowed to a crawl. Kollei tried to blink, but she couldn’t even do that. As she struggled to breath, Alexandria’s fist only millimeters from her face, the president still struggling onward despite the air having turned solid, Kollei felt a sense of panic fill her.

SO, REBECCA. YOU THINK TO HARM MY DAUGHTER. I THINK NOT.

A great sword of ice flashed through the air, striking Alexandria and sending her plowing backwards through the frozen air, until her momentum was completely arrested by the ice that surrounded everything.

And the Tsarista took the field. A sense of relief flooded through Kollei, tears filling her eyes. 

DANTILION. THIS IS SACRED GROUND. YOU WERE NOT TO TRESSPASS HERE. The Dendro Drago shattered the ice around her, even as the mortals remained frozen, shaking herself off and rearing up over the Tsaritsa. 

Kollei’s mother regarded the Dragon for a moment. I WILL COME FOR YOUR GNOSIS LATER, DRAGON. DEPART. THESE MORTALS SEEK TO CLAIM WHAT IS MINE. TO TAKE THE LIFE OF MY DAUGHTER. THEY HAVE BROKEN THE TRUCE. RETRIBUTION IS MINE. 

The dragon hesitated. THE PEACE TALKS WERE GIVEN TO ME.

THEY ARE CLEARLY OVER. DEPART. THIS IS MY MATTER NOW. Then Bronya turned towards the red bubble. Reaching out, she tapped it with her sword, and it shattered to pieces, exposing Thoma and Amber, who were as frozen as the rest.

“M-Mother,” Kollei gasped, staggering to her feet. “P-please. Do not-”

I WILL NOT HARM YOUR PLAYTHING. YOU MAY DO WITH HER AS YOU WISH. BUT SHE LEAVES WITH US. AS DOES THE SERVANT. HE IS MINE. AND MAY NOT BE TAKEN. The Tsaritsa turned a hand towards Thoma, reaching out to touch his forehead, and Kollei felt sick

“ZA NASZĄ I WASZĄ WOLNOŚĆ!” Ice shattered, as a green gem flashed to life on Ajak’s breast. Wind roared, and the Tsaritsa spun about in shock as the Polish cape slammed into her, knocking her back. 

Panting, Ajaks slowly stood, his breath frosting in the air. He held out his hand, and a lance appeared in his hand before he assumed a guard position between himself and the Tsaritsa. . “This is Poland, bitch. They are not yours to claim.”

AJAX. YOU? YOU DEFY ME? YOU, WHO WERE ONCE MY TARTAGLIA? The Tsaritsa asked, sounding stunned and breathless. 

Spitting to the side, the man grinned and spun the lance from hand to hand. “I do not know this Tartaglia. But my name is Ajax Jedynak. I am a son of Poland. And we will never bow to a tyrant like you!”

Fury suffused the Tsarita’s face. IF I CANNOT HAVE YOU, THEN NO ONE CAN.

“Mother, no!” Kollei gasped, but too late, the great sword lunged for Ajaks. He tried to parry, but the Tsaritsa was no mere mortal, and her fury was unabated now. She battered aside his spear, then went for the killing blow, a cleave that would have separated Ajak’s head from his body.

And then a hurricane fell from the sky and parried the blow, knocking Kollei back dozens of yards, as an angel descended from heaven. 

BARBATOS. The Tsaritsa hissed, her earlier target forgotten as her gaze locked on the Anemo Archon. So palpable was her fury that Kollei could only cry out, clutching at her head as she curled up into a ball.

WHILE I CANNOT INTERFERE IN MORTAL WILL, I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO HARM MY CHILDREN, BRONYA, Barbatos decreed, spreading his wings. His expression was stony and stoic, and his tone bereft of all playfulness. 

STILL. STILL YOU MOCK ME!? I AM THAT PATHETIC GIRL NO LONGER! The Tsaritsa raged, icy wings sprouting behind her back as she lifted up into the air. I AM DANTILION! THE CRYO ARCHON! AND YOU WILL BOW TO ME, WIND SPIRIT! FOR WHILE YOU ARE BEREFT OF YOUR GNOSIS, MINE IS YET WITHIN MY HAND! 

OH YOUNG ONE, Barbatos said, his expression growing sorrowful. DO NOT DO THIS. WE NEED NOT BE ENEMIES, DANTILION. WE WERE FRIENDS, ONCE.

WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS! YOU LEFT MY MOTHER TO DIE! AND NOW, I WILL CAST YOUR CORPSE UPON THE PLAINS AS YOU ABANDONED HER TO THE MERCIES OF HEAVEN! The Tsarista raged, hurling herself at Barbatos. 

A howling gale met her, and to Kollei’s shock, her mother was battered back. 

MORTALS. DEPART. IT SEEMS I MUST REMIND DANTILION OF SOMETHING. Barbatos said, flapping his wings, and sending not just Kollei, but all of those nearby tumbling backwards, each towards their own side. Though with a pang, Kollei saw Amber and Thoma blown towards the west. DENDRO DRAGON. YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED. THANK YOU FOR TRYING. I WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE. 

Kollei tried to fight the tempest, but it was too much. Only her mother was standing before it, gathering power about herself. 

WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY REMIND ME OF, LIAR? The Tsaritsa demanded as the Dendro Dragon swooped down to pick up a lone figure before flapping her wings and heading for the south. 

YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR HISTORY, DANTILION, Barbatos roared as the form of the angel dissolved in the winds, and a horrific specter emerged. It was formed of impossible gales, a hundred wings flapping about it, and a single, glowing eye of the storm under a white hood. I NEVER NEEDED MY GNOSIS TO SECURE MY THRONE. 

Then Kollei was blown away by the storm, tumbling miles and miles away as the wind and ice buffeted her. 

And for the first time, the world saw the fury of Barbatos unleashed

.

Author’s Note:

It’s time to Swirl Geo. 

Party Swapping with Rin: Chapter 10 (Finale)

The flight back to Byrndle was much more sedate, with Faitfore safely bearing them home to the castle. 

Home. It was a bit odd, but Kazuma realized that he’d likely spend most of the rest of his life at that castle. That was…well, it was odd. He’d finally gotten the magical isekai adventure he’d always dreamed of, but he’d gone at it in such a bass ackwards way he’d never even seen it coming. 

“What are we gonna do, anyway?” Kazuma said, looking down at the Bryndle countryside as it flew past below them. “I mean, I always wanted a cushy retirement, but this isn’t exactly what I had planned.”

“If you think being Prince Consort of a kingdom is a cushy retirement, you don’t know much about being a noble,” Darkness informed him. 

“Well, and here I thought you got to galavant off on top of a dragon and fly your freak flag in the back end of beyond,” Kazuma shot back, making Darkness wince.

“My time of adventuring…is over. I will still fight monsters for the kingdom, of course, but…it is time I took up my duties and responsibilities,” Darkness admitted. She looked fondly up at Dust, who was stroking Faitfore’s neck as they flew. “I have a family now, and another child on the way. My youth is at an end.”

“Guess mine is too,” Kazuma admitted, glancing at his lap, where Rin was snoring. She looked pretty cute like that, and he had to admit, if he had to stay with someone, he was glad it was her. Though he still wished it could have been a little girl. 

Chris had vanished, saying she had duties to attend to back in heaven. Dust still seemed oblivious, but Darkness had gotten over the shock of her best friend being a goddess remarkably quickly. Of course, the same could be said of Kazuma and Aqua, so perhaps he shouldn’t judge too harshly. 

They landed at the capital amidst a great deal of pomp and ceremony, with all the various nobles and officials who hadn’t joined the expeditionary force in attendance. Rin fussed with her hair and had Darkness help her straighten out her windblown clothes as much as possible before they landed, and gave Kazuma a look of irritation when he told her she looked great. 

“I can’t afford to just be great; this has to be perfect!” Rin informed him, and Kazuma shrugged and let it go. 

He had to admit, she did look slightly bedraggled when she hopped off of Faitfore before the assembled court, but no one seemed to notice, with quite a few lusty cheers and applause for the returning heroes. Rin waved and smiled, stepping up to a prepared podium to make her remarks. 

“Thank you all. I would like to say that our mission was a success, and that my father and brothers were rescued from the vile barbarians without cost. However, that is not the case. It seems that King Leo and my brothers made asses of themselves, blackening the name of Bryndle and racking up a massive 50 billion eris debt to the Kingdom of Elroad with their reckless partying and gambling.”

A hush fell over the crowd, and Kazuma could see that Damien very nearly fainted. 

“However, it turned out that there was a General of the Devil King who had poisoned the Eldroadian Sultan and egged on the naive young prince to imprison my father and demand ransom. Fortunately, with the help of Lady Dustiness and her consort, General Ragecraft was killed by myself and Sir Kazuma. I successfully negotiated a treaty with Elroad, which will see our debt to them settled and normal relations restored.”

Minister Damien took a deep breath, looking as though a death sentence had just been lifted from him, hand to his heart. 

“Because of this, I have deposed my father and brothers, and placed them in the care of the Adventurer’s Guild. They will be doing what proper noblemen should do, and work to rid this kingdom of all manner of monsters that threaten us as Adventurers. Their wages will be garnished until they have paid back their debt. Which, considering the average bounty is around 50,000 eris for a day's work, will be sometime in the next million years,” Rin said grimly. “In this, I have the backing of the Dragon Knights and the High Dragons, so anyone who has any complaints  should see Lord Chantliclaire and Lady Hoyin.”

Hoyim growled and cracked her knuckles, displaying a mouthful of fangs, while Chanticlaire put a hand on his sword hilt and looked stern. For a moment, no one said anything, and Kazuma felt his mouth dry up and sweat bead on his forehead. 

Then to his shock, Tiana and Marie let out loud cheers, followed by Minister Damien applauding loudly. Chanticlaire drew his sword, as did the rest of the knights, who saluted, then knelt along with their dragons. “ALL HAIL QUEEN RIN!” 

The crowd took up the cheer, and Kazuma felt his heart return to beating again. It seemed there would be a bloodless coup after all, at least for now. 

There was more pomp and ceremony after that, with a victory feast declared along with a holiday at the new queen’s ascension. Rin grimaced at the expense, but Minister Damien pointed out the people would expect it, so she approved the measure. 

After that, Marie and Tiana followed Rin and Kazuma back to their chambers, where they set about getting Rin ready for the evening.

“So, uh, do we still have to pretend?” Tiana asked when they were stripping Rin down. Marie elbowed her hard, and Kazuma and Rin both froze, glancing at the ladies in waiting. 

“Uh, what do you mean?” Rin asked somewhat breathily. 

“That you’re Leonore. Since we’re going to call you Queen Rin and all,” Tiana said, glaring at Marie. “What? You noticed too!”

“Yes, but I wasn’t going to say anything, Tia. Seriously, you and your big tongue,” Marie groaned, shaking her head. 

“If you’re threatening me,” Rin began, but both women hastily shook their heads. 

“Perish the thought, your majesty. Both of us were extremely glad to have a break from that insufferable bitch,” Tiana said bluntly.

Marie sighed, and nodded. “Honestly, if Leonore had become queen, I would have considered rebelling. That woman was so selfish and spoiled. But you! You’ve actually shown you have the ability. Plus, this finally isn’t a waste of my time! I was sent here to learn how to be a proper lady and gain some insight into rulership, but with Leonore it was just beauty treatments, parties, and horseback rides. Not that those aren’t fun, but I never saw her do a single bit of work in her entire life, and she made us do any that did come her way.”

“You’ll still set us up with good husbands, right?” Tiana asked hopefully. “Seriously, we won’t tell a soul.”

Kazuma and Rin exchanged a look, and Rin nodded slowly. “Does…anyone else know?”

“Only all the guards, servants, and ministers,” Marie said with a roll of her eyes, which made Kazuma let out a yip of shock and Rin to groan in misery. 

“I did that bad a job?” Rin moaned, putting her head in her hands. 

“No, you did that good a job. Leonore was always incredibly rude to everyone around her. I don't think she knew a single guard or servant’s name. She didn’t even learn mine for about six months, just called me ‘girl’ or ‘you there,’” Tiana said bitterly. “I wanted to slap her most days, the useless lump.”

“Well…she was mistreated by her family for a crime she didn’t commit,” Rin said hesitantly. 

Marie snorted. “What, the thing with Sir Cheruka? Sure, maybe she was still technically a virgin, but she lied to that poor man and put him and her in incredibly compromising positions. The old king might have been a boorish bastard, but he was mad he lost such a good knight and the consequences Leonore got for ruining Rein’s life weren’t nearly bad enough if you ask me.”

“He seems so happy with Lady Dustiness, I’m happy for him,” Tiana sighed. “Even if she is far above his station. A mere landed knight marrying a duchess? The Belzergians are a strange lot…”

“Well, I’m not even a noble. Or wasn’t,” Rin said, making a face. 

The two women paused. “You’re not? But then…how could you inherit the throne? I thought you were a bastard at least, to look so much like Leonore.”

“She’s not, but one of the goddesses came down and said she’d had it with the previous royal line and blessed the succession,” Kazuma put in. The hand maidens eyed him dubiously. “It’s true. Check her Adventurer’s Card.”

Tiana already had Rin’s effects and pulled it out, glancing at the card. “Yeah, there’s no way you aren’t a bastard. Um, pardon the terminology. Though I guess by this the gods legitimized you. You’ve got Royal Blood and Rightful Ruler right here.”

“Man, I bet that makes dynastic succession in this world a lot easier,” Kazuma mused. 

Marie shrugged. “Things still get bloody sometimes. Though you’re an otherworlder so you’re automatically blessed by the gods. It’s pretty normal for royals to marry Divine Champions. Especially since we know you killed at least three generals of the Devil King.”

“Four now, actually,” Rin said with a shake of her head. 

“Eh, five and a half,” Kazuma said, waving his hand back and forth. “I don’t normally count Wiz and Vanir.”

The women goggled at Kazuma for a moment, then Rin burst out, “Wait, you mean, Wiz, our Wiz, is really-”

Running his hand through his hair, Kazuma grimaced. “Yeah just, look. Don’t spread it around. She’s a nice lady who just wants to run her item store. Really, her being a general is more of an accident than anything, and Vanir’s harmless. Mostly. Well, as long as you don’t go into his dungeon, but even then you’ll just end up incredibly disappointed.”

“You two really will have to tell us more of your story later,” Tiana tittered. 

“Or don’t, because as far as we’re concerned, she’s definitely the legitimate heir to the throne, and nothing will change that,” Marie said firmly. Then she winked. “Plus, if you can hook me up with a hunky Belzergian Noble husband, I won’t complain! I hear Belzerg men are…well equipped.”

Rin flushed, but grinned. “Don’t worry. You girls take care of me, and I’ll take care of you.”

The party that night was loud and long, with plenty of drinking, dancing, and singing. Kazuma and Rin danced together until he felt like his feet were going to fall off, then danced some more, until both of them nearly collapsed. The dragons all came out in their finery and performed some rather incredible dances that involved shapeshifting as well, which was certainly a sight to behold. 

The next day, Darkness, Dust, and Faitfore bid them all farewell, as it was time for them to travel back to Belzerg. “Uncle Melark will certainly have a laugh to learn a Belzerger sits on the throne of Bryndle,” Darkness said quietly to Rin.

She stiffened, then stuck her nose in the air. “However fond I may be of you and your people, Darkness, Bryndle is my kingdom, and I it’s monarch. Their needs must come first in all things.”

“That’s good to hear. You’ll make a fine queen. We’ll return for the coronation,” Darkness promised, and departed on dragonback with her new family. 

As for the coronation and wedding ceremony, Rin insisted that they be held simultaneously. Both would be tremendous expenditures that the Kingdom could ill afford at the moment, and combining them would be a good way to save some much needed eris. 

“A wise decision, your majesty. I had worried about this kingdom’s future for some time, but with you on the throne, my worries have been assuaged,” Minister Damien told Rin as they wrapped up their private meeting.

Rin glanced at Kazuma, swallowed, then looked back at Damien. “So, ah…you know. Don’t you?”

“Did from the very first day,” Damien said with a grandfatherly smile. “I’ve known Leonore her entire life. You do look remarkably like her, but your mannerisms are completely different. Combine that with your, ah, general competence in rulership, well…it wasn’t hard to notice.”

“She really must have been something else if everyone is so glad to see the back of her. The former king and princes too,” Rin sighed, shaking her head. 

Damien grimaced. “Poor Leo missed his calling. I’ve been checking up on him and his sons, and aside from their complaining about their accommodations and rations, they’re having the time of their lives fighting harpies in the foothills. He’s remarkably incompetent as a ruler and a general bore, but the Line of Leonid always excelled in combat.”

“Good, because he’s going to be doing that for the rest of his natural life,” Rin growled. “I swear, if he or those two idiots cause more trouble…”

“Leopold and Leonard are both too venal and incompetent to be much threat on their own. I’d worry more about someone trying to prop them up as a rival to you, but honestly, with how much the dragons and their knights love you, no one has much of a chance at that,” Damien said with a shrug. “No, the real worry is that Leonore will come back some day. I half suspect she shan’t, but, well, if the money she stole from the treasury when she departed runs out, and with the way she spends even that considerable sum will eventually, she could cause a major headache.”

“We could just ice her,” Kazuma pointed out, earning him a horrified look from Rin and a grimace and nod from Damien. 

“Kazuma! I’m not just going to order an innocent girl murdered!” Rin cried.

“Oh, Leonore is far from innocent, though her crimes do not generally constitute a capital offense. But monarchs have had people killed for less. Still, as of now, we have no idea where she is, so that’s a matter for another time. For now, I simply look forward to serving at your pleasure, Queen Rin,” Damien said with a bow, and departed with Rin’s permission.

After that, Kazuma came to find that being Prince Consort was, in fact, a lot of work. He could have tried to sleep away the day in bed or goof off with the courtiers, but with Rin working herself to the bone for long hours every day managing the Kingdom, Kazuma felt compelled to at least try and make things easier for her. He ended up taking control of much of the kingdom’s finances, along with manufacturing and trade. 

It was an endless amount of work, but Kazuma was able to come up with several clever inventions that improved the financial situation, as they were still paying ruinous reparations to Elroad, and would be for what sometimes felt like the next hundred years. Still, it was several billion eris a year, even with the competitive interest rates they had been granted. It wasn’t the legacy Kazuma would have wanted to pass on to his children, but there didn’t seem to be much choice in the matter. 

Four months passed by in a flash. By now, Rin was noticeably pregnant, though not hugely so. The clerics all said she was healthy and progressing well, even if she was growing increasingly miserable with the changes her body was undergoing. Her wedding dress had thankfully been tailored to accommodate her situation, so it wouldn’t be too much of a problem. 

The night before their wedding and coronation, Kazuma and Rin took dinner in the garden together, chatting about the next day and making plans. They dismissed their servants for the night and had the space to themselves, eating a simple meal of bread, cheeses, and smoked meat with a bottle of grape juice. It would have been wine, but Rin hadn’t touched a drop since they’d found out, and Kazuma was abstaining in her honor. Mostly because she’d threatened to deny him his nightly privileges otherwise. 

“Here’s to you, the most beautiful woman in the world, and my queen,” Kazuma said, clinking glasses with Rin. 

“And to my prince, long may he balance the budgets,” Rin said, returning his toast. They were both taking generous sips when they heard heavy footfalls on the garden path.

Rin instantly stood, a look of worry on her face. “I told them not to disturb us, but-”

Kazuma was on his feet as well. If their private time was being interrupted, it was dire. Or it had damn well better be. 

To his and Rin’s mutual astonishment, a barefoot and pregnant woman with a bedraggled, travel stained dress and tangled hair stepped into the candlelight. She put her hands on her hips and grinned broadly. “Ta-da! Kept you waiting, didn’t it?”

Kazuma had to blink a couple of times, but Rin’s lips thinned into a line immediately. “You’re late, Leonore. About three months late, in fact.”

“Eh, it’s fine, you seemed to do alright in my absence,” Leonore laughed, coming over and sitting down at the table without being invited to do so. “I must say, exiling father and my boorish brothers? A master stroke! Though honestly, did you really have to? Ruling is going to be such a bother.”

Rin glared at Leonore, but the other woman seemed to ignore her, stuffing her face with bread. “I’m famished! We’ve been traveling for three days, just barely got here in time. When I heard about the coronation, well, I decided it had been long enough after all. Can’t have someone else crowned in my name, can I?”

“I took the regnal name Rin, so no, it’s my name. Not yours,” Rin ground out, slowly taking a seat.

Leonore shrugged. “Well I’ll just have them change it back. I’m sure someone will throw a hissy fit but I can’t have everyone calling me Rin, now can I?”

Kazuma was still on high alert, hand on Chunchumaru as he heard others coming. A moment later, Keith popped out, along with the last person in the world Kazuma ever wanted to see again. Except for maybe Claire. 

“Cecily!?” Kazuma groaned, as a sweat stained Cecily panted into the light, one hand on her back, the other on her swollen belly. “And Keith. Have fun?”

“Uh, mostly. Where’d Lady Aqua go?” Keith said, looking around.

“KAZUMAAAAAAAA!” Aqua wailed, rushing out of the garden with twigs in her hair. She flung herself into Kazuma’s arms, bawling her eyes out. “I-I’m so, so sorry! N-never make me leave you again! Kazuma, I will be your maid if you please please please let me live in your fancy house and promise to take care of me! Leonore is such a BITCH!” 

“You’re no peach yourself, you lazy drunk,” Leonore grumbled, glaring at Aqua as Kazuma rubbed her back and tried to console her. 

“Don’t talk to Lady Aqua like that, dear,” Cecily sighed, slumping into a chair and kicking off her shoes. “Oof. Keith, rub my feet, they hurt so bad.”

“Only after he rubs mine,” Leonore sniffed. 

Keith winced, but quickly knelt and started rubbing both women’s feet with one hand. “Yes, dears…”

Kazuma gave Keith a sympathetic look, then gently kissed Aqua on the forehead. “It’s OK, you're back now. How bad was it?”

“Awful! S-she stole all my wine, was rude to me, and Kazuma,” A look of horror crossed Aqua’s face. “She made me CHARGE for my ART. Can you even imagine!? She tried to make charge for my healing too, but I wouldn’t do it! Can you imagine, a goddess like me, forcing her faithful to PAY for her gifts!? I…I wanted to DIE! It was humiliating!” 

“We were going to starve otherwise, you ungrateful bimbo. You kept wasting our money on handouts and fancy food,” Leonore snorted. 

Aqua spun about, enraged. “I was happy eating cheaply! YOU were the one who kept spending money like it was going out of style!”

“Ladies, please. I’m sure you’re both financial disasters waiting to happen,” Kazuma said, causing Leonore to glare at him and Aqua to stick her tongue out at Leonore. “Aqua, we’ll give you an allowance. But, I do have an important question.”

“Don’t worry, I’m still an amazing goddess and your faithful companion, Kazuma! I did hear about you defeating another general, so good job!” Aqua said, giving him a thumbs up.

“Uh, thanks, but I’m more worried about Megumin and Taylor. Heaven help me, but they were the sensible ones in your group. Why weren’t they keeping you out of trouble?” Kazuma asked.

“They’re in the Crimson Demon Village still, for all I know. Megumin found out she was pregnant shortly before I did, and Taylor left with her to go ask for her parents permission,” Leonore said with a shrug.

“No, they’re in Axel now! They got married and moved back there, Taylor started a demolition business and Megumin is using Explosion Magic to help  him,” Aqua explained. “They, uh, aren’t making very much money, but they’re happy. Megumin will be here tomorrow, don’t worry, Yunyun’s teleporting them in. I’m surprised they didn’t write you.”

“Huh,” Kazuma glanced at Rin, who was groaning. “Well, I’m not too terribly surprised I guess. Seems like the party swap worked out for everyone. He glanced down at Keith, who looked absolutely miserable as he continued to massage the two pregnant women’s feet. “Well, almost everyone.”

“Yes, well, you can stay for the coronation, though obviously, I’ll be marrying Keith instead of Kazuma. Unless you’re up for that, he’s getting boring,” Leonore commented, which made Keith wince and look even more miserable.

“No, you won’t. You’ll be leaving tonight, and never returning,” Rin said flatly. “At least you, Leonore. You can stay if you want, Keith. I wouldn’t even blame you for abandoning the pregnant bitch, even if that is your child.”

“What?!” Keith let out a yip as Leonore kicked him and then jerked to her feet, her face flushed and outraged. “What do you mean, I’m leaving? This is my castle, and my kingdom!”

“The hell it is,” Rin said calmly, meeting Leonore’s gaze evenly. “You’ve spent your entire life partying and ruining other people’s lives. I thought perhaps you were a bit of a victim, but honestly, any trials you suffered, you thoroughly earned. Marie and Tiana have told me everything.”

“Who?” Leonore asked, looking puzzled. 

“My ladies in waiting. Your former ladies in waiting. You were together for nearly a decade. And you can’t even remember their names, can you?” Rin said, her face slowly flushing with outrage. 

“Oh, those two. Well, they’re hardly important,” Leonore sniffed. “I can always replace them.”

“I think not. I’ve finally started to turn this kingdom around from the mess you left it in, Leonore. I am hardly going to hand it back to you so you can run the whole thing into the ground,” Rin snarled, her tail bristling behind her. 

“As if you could stop me! You’re just a commoner!” Leonore sneered. “One word from me, and your whole charade falls down around you!”

“Really. What do you think, Minister Damien?” Rin said, looking pointedly behind Leonore. 

Leonore whirled, a look of triumph on her face. “Ah, there you are, Damien! Now tell this common trollop who she really is, and throw her out on her ear!”

“Your Majesty, I do apologize for the disturbance. That one over there,” Damien nodded to Aqua. “Drew a painting so incredible with some chalk on the pavement that it had all the guards mesmerized and they snuck in.”

“She’s a goddess of the arts, so you’re forgiven,” Rin said. 

“He’s not talking to you, commoner! Damien! Summon my guards,” Leonore ordered. 

Damien regarded her flatly, then turned to Rin. “Shall I have these miscreants thrown out? Or executed?”

“DAMIEN!” Leonore shrieked, but Rin shook her head. 

“Neither. They’re Axis Cultists. It’s to be expected. Give them some stale bread and cheese and then escort them to the border. If they’re found crossing back into Bryndle, imprison them until these two give birth. Then beat them soundly and throw them out again.”

“KAZUMAAAAAAA! You can’t let them beat me, I’m a GODDESS!” Aqua wailed, clutching at him and kneeling before Kazuma.

“Hey, it’s fine, she doesn’t mean you,” Kazuma said, patting Aqua on the head. “Sorry, Minister. Uh, this is the Goddess Aqua, come to bless our wedding. Though Lady Eris will still be performing the ceremony.”

“WHAT!?” Aqua lept up, outraged. “My junior is NOT beating me out at my best buddies wedding! She may have gotten to perform the ceremony for Darkness, but that’s one thing! I’m totally doing this one! I did Megumin’s, and she said it was the best wedding ceremony ever!”

“Sorry, talk to Eris, I’m sure she’ll let you help out,” Kazuma said.

“You can’t do this to me!” Leonore cried as guards, led by Captain Chanticlaire and Hoyin, arrived. “Chanticlaire! Hoyin! It’s me, Leonore! You, you recognize me, don’t you!?”

“Silence, peasant,” Hoyin snarled, backhanding Leonore hard enough to draw blood and send her reeling to her knees. “Further lies out of you and I will thrash you myself!”

“Hoyin, she’s one of Aqua’s chosen, and pregnant. Be gentle, for the child’s sake if no other,” Rin said firmly.

“Yes, your Majesty, I apologize,” Hoyin said, bowing deeply as Leonore began to weep. 

Keith and Cecily didn’t seem overly bothered by it, with Cecily seeming positively delighted. “Cheer up, Leonore! This place would get too stuffy anyway. We can go back to Alcanrettia and serve Lady Aqua there! We’ll get loads of recruits with two cute babies in our arms!” 

“Oh boy,” Keith sighed. He glanced at Kazuma, and shrugged. “I mean, at least the sex is good? Later, Kazuma.”

“Uh, bye,” Kazuma said, waving lamely as the guards led the former Princess and her two lovers away. He glanced at Rin. “I changed my mind. A harem is a fate worse than death.”

“Well I’m glad, because if anyone was going to get a harem around here, it would be me,” Rin said dryly. Then she smiled at Aqua. “Oh get up. We’ll have some wine brought for you. I’m glad you could make it in time, even if I’m not a big fan of the company you brought with you.”

Aqua sprang up, her tears forgotten and eagerly sat down in a chair Damien had brought for you. “Thanks! I promise, I can be super amazing and helpful! Trust me, my wedding ceremonies are WAY better then stuffy old Eris’.”

“Was it really that bad being away from me?” Kazuma asked in amusement as Aqua began to tell a very disjointed tale of her misadventures.

“Kazuma, I would rather sleep in a barn with you for a thousand years then spend another second with Leonore. You might be a perverted NEET, but at least you don’t treat me like your personal slave,” Aqua said with a shudder.

“Didn’t you ever think of just, you know, running away?” Kazuma asked. 

Aqua blinked at him. “But you said to stay with Leonore and keep an eye on her. I figured you knew what you were talking about, so I just did that.”

“Bless you, Aqua,” Kazuma chuckled. A servant brought Aqua some wine, which she eagerly grabbed from him. 

Aqua raised the bottle on high. “A toast! To my bestest buddy Kazuma, and the amazing Queen Rin, long may they reign!”

“‘CHEERS!’” Kazuma and Rin said together, raising their juice in salute.

“Though you guys are totally naming your next kid after me, right? Especially if I promise to give you an adorable little girl?” Aqua begged. 

Rin laughed. “We’ll see, goddess.”

“Ugh, just call me Aqua. I don’t wanna have to call you Queen Rin all the time. That would be super weird,” Aqua said, making a face. 

“I could make you call me Prince Kazuma,” he teased, grinning at Aqua. In response, she stuck her tongue out at him, and they all laughed together.

FIN

Author’s Note:

Believe it or not, this was originally meant to be a couple chapters at most of a sexy and fun romance between Kazuma and Rin with them hooking their party members up. Then I realized I needed someone for Keith, decided to write a little bit more for Bryndle…and it ballooned into 10 chapters and about 60k words. Oh well. 

Next up…I think it’s Darkness’ turn to shine. 

The Second Archon War: Superbia Hominum 13

Superbia Hominum 13: Hail to the Chief

Once more, the Sleeper had awoken, and the Prince marched to war. Over the past 24 hours, the shimmering wall of death on the Southern Front of Poland was advancing along the highway towards Rzeszów, though only at a walking pace. And once more, the Knights of Favonius and the Polish armed forces prepared an assault against their most dreaded foe. But with one notable difference.

This time, they had POTUS on their side. 

Flying in formation alongside Hero, Ajaks, and Dorothy, Alexandria plowed into the storm, protected by the faith of the moth-cleric. It galled her to have to rely on something as ephemeral as faith to keep them safe, but Barbados clearly had a vested interest in the outcome of this fight, which meant he was willing to lend them a small portion of his power.

It never even entered into Alexandria’s mind that she now lived in a world where Faith and Belief were real, tangible things, and that Barbados very well couldn’t have helped them without the belief in his divine power, but such realizations relied on a more open mind than hers. 

“Get ready, we’re heading into the Tsaritsa’s storm wall! The Sleeper’s storm is right behind it!” Alexandria shouted over the radio.

She got a professional “Roger!” from Hero, a hearty, “Za wolność!” from Ajaks, and a “Winds, Guide us!” from Dorothy. What an odd group. But desperate times created odder alliances. 

They passed through the icy winds of the storm wall and into the shimmering hell that was the Sleeper’s domain. Dorothy’s prayers were heard and answered, and a bubble of safety surrounded the capes, so long as they stayed in tight formation. 

One of the Azure Witch’s creations popped up next to Alexandria Veer right! He’s not much further now! But there’s something interfering with my specters, I can’t get any closer. 

“You sure they’re not just being torn up in the storm?” Alexandria grunted as she followed the ghost’s guidance. 

Maybe, but this doesn’t feel right. Be careful! 

They were already going to fight the First Harbinger. Worse was to be expected.

Driving forward near blindly, they at last emerged into a large open space, though the shimmering bubble still trapped them overhead. Alexandria immediately threw up a Cryo shield, but she needn’t have bothered: Below her were arrayed an entire battalion of Fatui, the majority of them capes. That wasn’t the worst of it.

The worst of it was the woman standing next to the Sleeper. Not the Tsaritsa, a small mercy there, but the Witch. 

Ah, President Alexandria. So good of you to join us. And your darling husband as well! Such good timing you have. I’ve only just arrived, the Witch cackled, rising up on a broom of all things alongside a coterie of flying Fatui capes. 

Ah, Tartaglia! It is time for our rematch! And this time, you don’t have that damn oni with you. A pity…but I shall seek him out for his finale later! The Sleeper bragged, swishing about his cavalry sword. 

Bless the fact that all the Harbingers seemed to share the Tsaritsa’s love of the pointlessly dramatic and long-winded speeches. It was about the only advantage they had at this point. 

“Aim for the Sleeper first. We don’t take him out, and we can’t escape. This time, put him down for good,” Alexandria ordered, drawing the Bailey Silver and Ivory Hilted Cuttoe and pointing it at the foes. She liked to imagine General Washington doing that just before he charged the redcoats. “CHARGE!” 

With a roar of “RUSSIA AND LOVE!”, the Fatui counter-charged even as Alexandria and her allies swept towards them. The capes met in a barrage of tinkertech bolts and elemental reactions. With a single sweep, Alexandria cut down three Fatui with George Washington’s Sword, the blade burning with power as it arced through the air. Hero blasted two more Fatui out of the sky with an elemental raygun, while Dorothy flapped her wings and let loose a burst of anemo that dropped several others. Ajaks was fighting with half a dozen combatants, his spear arcing through the sky. With a touch, he would send one fanuus plummeting for the ground as he switched their personal gravity, or sent others colliding with one another. 

Still, their advance was stymied, and there was no clear path to either Harbinger, as both seemed to be content to sit back and allow their minions to do the dirty work. Even worse, as Dorothy’s concentration on her prayers waned, the Sleeper’s power began to constrict upon them from behind, meaning they had no possible path of retreat and were getting hemmed in. With retreat impossible, Alexandria vowed to go down with at least one of the Harbinger’s blood on her blade. 

“Cover me!” she snarled, then created another plow of Cryo and simply bulled her way through towards the enemy, sending dozens of Fatui flying as she knocked them aside. She slammed into where the Prince had been, but he managed to dodge to the side. Now her position was even worse, with the Prince on her right, the Witch on her left, her allies trapped behind her, and Fatui closing in on all sides. 

I never even got to formally take office. So much for my presidency, was the ironic thought that floated through Alexandria’s mind as she raised the sword of the First President, and prepared to go down fighting. 

This is the price of defying the Tsaritsa! The Witch cackled, her eyes sparking with madness as she conjured orbs of Cryo and Electro. You should have knelt when you had the chance, mortal, for-

WHEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVED. 

The thundering melodic voice was heard not so much in Alexandria’s ears as it was in her mind. She wasn’t alone, as the Fatui all flinched, looking about themselves wildly for the source of the sudden musical interruption. A moment later, pounding drums and an electronic guitar rift rent the air, and a tear appeared in the Sleeper’s storm to the rear. 

What is this!? The Prince gasped, clutching his head and reeling. That voice, that music…this cannot be! He was not to interfere!

The Fatui all quailed, while the Witch snarled and raised her spells on high. It is a trick! Do not lose heart! Get into formation, you fools! Take this meddlesome president down before-

A cry for help in time of need, await relief from holy league

60 days of siege, outnumbered and weak

Sent a message to the sky, wounded soldiers left to die

Will they hold the wall or will the city fall

Now that the voice had spoken again, Alexandria recognized it. Not Barbados’, but rather that of Capri Cohen, with her wife Naomi joining in for that last part. She barred her teeth in frustration. 

“I don’t need any damn gods to win this for me!” she roared, and smashed through three Fatui, sweeping her sword at the startled Witch, who through up a barrier of Electro mixed with Cryo to try to stymie Alexandria. Her sword came down on the spell, and any normal blade would have melted or shattered by coming into contact with such a potent ward. This blade, however, had been wielded by America’s greatest and most legendary hero, and the spirit of the Modern Cincinatus still infused the blade. 

Dedication

Dedication

They're outnumbered 15 to one

And the battle's begun

The lyrics of the song washed over Alexandria, but she had no attention for it. Washington’s Sword cleaved through the barrier with a burst of power, and now she had come to grips with the Witch herself. The shocked look on the Harbinger’s face made the pucked red scar her last fight with a member of Cauldron had left her trembling, and Alexandria couldn’t help but grin. 

I see you have stolen power as well, Yankee! Well, my power is not of mortal men, but of the God of Love herself! Witness the knowledge I have gained and despair!

A blast of ice and lightning drove Alexandria back a step as the Witch transformed, elemental power wrapping about her grasping hands like a thousand tentacles reaching out from her, her dress elongating and her mask fusing with her face to turn the once beautiful woman into a hook-nosed crone. Alexandria fought off the tentacles, battling for her life, as thunder filled the air. Only when the Witch looked behind Alexandria, mouth agape, did she realize it was not the sound of lightning, nor even guns that she heard. 

Hooves. 

Then the winged hussars arrived!

From behind, a line of horses one hundred long and five deep crested the hill at a full gallop. The jangling of metal wings on the steady breeze could be heard, and metal armor and weapons glinted in the sunlight. Banners bearing the flags of Poland and the royal crest of Poland could be seen. In the first line rode two priests with brown cassocks over mail, one bearing a golden crucifix, and slightly behind, another with the Angel of Freedom. 

What is this!? The Witch gasped, clearly taken aback. Her soldiers recoiled as well at seeing the first cavalry charge in 60 years, which appropriately enough was the successor to the Battle of Schoenfeld, when Poland had last thrown off her occupiers. 

Not taken aback, the Prince swaggered forward, flourishing his sword. Stand fast, men! These fools ride mere flesh and blood, and are no match for the Tsarista! Obliterate them!

As if to show the way, he flung two orbs of shimmering death at the charging cavlary. 

Then the winged hussars arrived!

Coming down they turned the tide

Both of the orbs were knocked away by a glowing green breeze, born by the words of the unseen singers. Alexandria gritted her teeth, furious to see the charge. 

And even more enraged that she had needed it to save her.

She tried to take out her fury on the Witch, taking to the sky and launching a barrage of icicles at her foe. Behind her, the Winged Hussars slammed into their foes with the full fury of metal and steed, the blessings of god driving their lances home as they trampled their foes underhoof. 

Still, even with the music in their ears and the blessings of Barbados, the Hussars did not have things all their own way. The Fatui’s bullets struck down many a horse and rider, while the crash of elemental energy and parahuman powers crushed more. Even the Sleeper was able to cover the the protections on several riders and swallow them up, even as lance after lance was driven home into his body. The Harbinger swayed on his feet defiantly, rainbow light leaking from his chest. 

Then a rider with an Electro Vision set on their breastplate rode in with a sword that blazed with the green winds of Barbados. Sweeping low, she cut the Sleeper down, his body falling as his powers exploded. The one who had struck him down wheeled away, their mount racing away. Others were not so lucky, as even the blessings of Barbados were not able to repel the surge of power as the Sleeper returned, the Prince’s mortal coil destroyed once more. 

“This isn’t over between us!” Alexandria snarled, and the Witch’s cackling laughter stung worse than any possible wound as Alexandria retreated herself. She had the satisfaction of seeing the Witch flee, and many of the Fatui consumed by their own ally. 

The triumphant music continued to play as Alexandria zoomed back across the battlefield. As she drew closer to the forward base, she saw the source: a stage woven of the winds, floating about 100 feet off the ground, where the Tone Deaf Bards continued to play. Well, not all of the Tone Deaf Bards. Just the mortal ones.

Capri was glowing with purple lightning as she belted out the lyrics, her guitar glowing with power as she played. The drums echoed with the pulse of freedom as Naomi pounded out the beat, and Alexandria could only grit her teeth in frustration. While Barbados was nowhere to be seen, his influence was obvious: that had been no normal music, and it was still repelling the Sleeper’s power, which was clearly battering against an invisible wall as the Winged Hussars withdrew, its power only slowly eroding the barrier. 

“Only that damned bard could rob victory of its sweetness,” Alexandria muttered, then schooled her face into a pleasant expression as she landed at the rally point, where Hero was already waiting for her. 

“You damn near gave me a heart attack!” Wyatt said, hurrying forward to throw his arms around Alexandria and give her a tight squeeze. 

For a moment, she was able to let go of her resentment and anger, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath of her husband’s scent, and his love. If there was one thing that kept her going every day, it was this man and his love for her. 

“Sorry. But we had to end it. And I would have if it hadn’t been for that damned god interfering,” Alexandria whispered. 

Wyatt just gave her a squeeze, then they turned to watch as the Winged Hussars returned. Ajaks had forsaken the skies, finding a helmet that was just a bit too small for his head and jamming it on and taking a mount of a man who’d fallen. He was riding beside the rider who’d ‘slain’ the sleeper: Colonel Pawłowska managed to look grim even in victory, though she had a satisfied smile on her lips. When she saw Alexandria, she raised her silver sword in salute. The eyes of the eagle on the pomel glowed with a green light, and Alexandria had a fair idea of who had supplied the arms and armor. Though she did still wonder where Venti had found 500 war horses. 

Nodding in respect, Alexandria raised her own sword in salute. Whatever she did, she had to continue to court the Polish. Not just for what would happen in this war, but after. They could not afford to see Europe divided up amongst the Archons, and Poland could be a key part of humanity’s bulwark against encroaching gods. 

Encroaching gods. When had Alexandria accepted the Archons really were divinities, and not simply an alien menace? She supposed Contessa was rubbing off on her. 

The song had come to an end, and the stage above them lowered back to the ground before dissolving, leaving the two musicians and their instruments on the trampled earth. Both were dressed for war, wearing leather armor and the tabards of the Knights of Favonius, though theirs had a small harp in gold on above the Anemo Sigil 

“Uh, hello, Madam President,” Naomi said in near flawless English. Interesting. The two of them had been singing in Spanish to Alexandria’s ears, which on further reflection made no sense. More work of an Archon. “We thought perhaps you could use some assistance.”

“Would have been better to know ahead of time, but it worked out, and we stopped the Sleeper. Thanks for the assist,” Alexandria said, extending her hand. She couldn’t let her personal dislike of the pets of Archons get in the way of winning this war. Too much was at stake. 

“Venti, he is not one for doing things the normal way, yes?” Capri said with a much heavier German accent. 

“Speaking of, where is he?” Alexandria asked, her eyes very deliberately roaming around. “I thought he’d be with you.”

“He sent us ahead to help, and blessed us before we came,” Naomi said with a small shrug. “For now, this is all he can do without interfering in mortal will. That’s very important to him: as long as this remains a battle between mortals, he won’t interfere. Not directly.”

“A battle between mortals?” Alexandria snorted, then looked over her shoulder at the shimmering wall that still battered against the win. “Right. I have a feeling that the Prince still isn’t really dead. Just Sleeping.”

“Ah, then we shall have the pleasure of fighting him again, yes?” Ajaks laughed, striding over with Colonel Pawłowska. 

“I lost fifty men in that charge,” the Colonel said grimly. “I’d prefer to avoid more casualties like that.”

“But what a glorious charge it was! Truly, Barbados has the soul of a poet!” Ajaks laughed, hefting the Hussar helm he’d doffed and grinning. “Where did you get these?”

“Some, they are being made by Venti, the rest, they are coming from museums,” Capri said with a roll of her eyes. “Surprised I am that old relics is being worth using on the battlefield.”

That made Alexandria have to fight to keep her expression calm. It seemed the cat was out of the bag that museums were actually arsenals waiting to be looted. Cauldron would have to step up its efforts to secure the most powerful pieces now. 

“The weapons are all from Barbados though. He said they were Favonius Swords and Lances he had lying around. Where, I can’t even imagine. He seems to just pull them out of the wind,” Naomi said with a grin. 

“They are good steel. I’ll thank him in my prayers this evening,” Col. Pawłowska said, drawing her blade and holding it up. The blade was of a silvery metal that Alexandria recognized as alien in origin, and had a glowing green vein running through it. Still, though the hilt was rather ornate, it looked like a functional enough blade, much like her own. 

“If the two of you can at least hold back the Sleeper, that will go a great way to securing this front, and even turning back the Fatui,” Alexandria said, folding her arms in thought. “Eidolon was able to push them back up north as well. We might be turning this war around.”

“That’s part of why we’re here. The other part is the peace talks,” Naomi said. “Specifically, the proposed prisoner exchange. Have you taken many POWs?” 

Alexandria frowned, glancing at the Colonel. “We have, though I’m not certain now is the time for dialogue. With a more secure victory under our belts, perhaps.”

“There will be peace when the last Fatui scum is driven from Polish soil. Not before,” the Colonel growled, and Ajaks gave a firm nod of agreement. 

“And Ukraine is free as well,” a new voice added as Cookie strode up. She nodded to Capri and Naomi. “Good to see you two. But I am so kicking Venti’s ass the next time I see him. You show up right as we’re launching our counter-offensive with 500 horses and armor? That damned spoony bard.”

“God works in mysterious ways,” Ajaks laughed, which caused the Colonel to give a small smile and Capri and Naomi to groan. 

“Either way, the Dendro Dragon is arriving tomorrow to act as the arbiter in the talks. They’re to be held here, with Princess Kollei and the Harbingers coming as well,” Cookie said. “I’ll be sitting in, as will Capri and Naomi. I take it you’ll be there as well, Madam President?”

“Myself, Eidolon, Legend, and a few other Protectorate capes,” Alexandria agreed. “Though Colonel Pawłowska will be leading the delegation, of course.”

“Ah yes. The talks,” Ajaks said, his brow furrowing. “Have you been-OOF!”

The Colonel withdrew her elbow from Ajak’s midsection. “This oaf will be there as well, though he has promised to keep things quiet. We’ll get Sir Amber back, along with the other prisoners. Never you fear.”

“If only we had someone of high value to trade,” Naomi sighed. 

“Don’t sweat it. Come on, let’s get some grub before Itul eats everything in sight,” Cookie said, and the knights and bards headed off.

Alexandria watched them go, then turned to the Colonel. “Then we’re going forward with the plan?”

The Colonel nodded. “Cookie is aware. Naomi and Capri are not. The Grand Master will read them in if Barbados hasn’t. There’s no possible way he doesn’t know. We’ve discussed it under the open sky, and God knows I’ve prayed about it. He seems to be giving us his tacit blessing.”

“Then why not tell them now?” Ajaks muttered, rubbing his rib, though Alexandria doubted he was even slightly bruised. 

“The fewer that know of the plan, the better,” Alexandria said firmly. “If we can assassinate a couple of Harbingers, all for the better.”

“Not the Princess though,” Ajaks said, which caused Alexandria to raise an eyebrow. She didn’t take him for a squeamish one. 

“She’s the one rational voice in the Russian camp. And, well, if one thing were to bring the Tsaritsa herself here, it would be harm to her daughter,” Ajaks said with a shrug. 

Alexandria nodded slowly. “Of course.”

After a bit more talking, the two groups broke up to rest and debrief, with Hero falling in silently beside Alexandria, as he had been through the entire conversation. “Your thoughts?”

“Drawing out the Tsarista is priority one,” Hero said. “And the Princess is a liability. We take her out, then we take out the Tsarista. Russia dissolves back into Warlordism and stops being a threat. Everyone wins. Well, except Russia, but they should be used to it by now.”

“And this isn’t influenced at all by your maiden name being Baronsky?” Alexandria asked.

Wyatt’s expression darkened. “Eszcze Polska nie zginęła,” he stated, though he somewhat mangled the pronunciation. 

“No. And not on my watch,” Alexandria agreed. One way or another, she wasn’t going home without a dead Harbinger or god to show for it. 

“Excuse me!?” Naomi gaped at Cookie, hardly able to believe her ears. “You can’t possibly be serious, Cookie! That’s…that’s a-”

“Damn good idea,” Capri interrupted, putting a hand on Naomi’s arm. “We’re in.”

Whirling, Naomi looked at Capri, aghast. “But, but…that’s a betrayal of trust! We can’t-”

“For Amber, we can, Naomi,” Capri said, her eyes sparking purple. “Because the Ruskies sure as fuck aren’t coming to the table in good faith. So why should we?”

Naomi bit off a further response, turning back to Cookie, who seemed rather blase that she’d just declared her intent to sabotage peace talks.

“We’re not doing anything too fucky. Just making sure that one way or another, Amber walks away from this with us, and not mind controlled. You can do that, right?” 

“I don’t…I’m not sure,” Naomi said, feeling a throbbing headache coming on. 

“We’ll talk to Venti, but I’m leaning towards yes. He’d want Amber to be free too,” Capri affirmed. “If nothing else, have Dorothy there to sing with us. If anything were to break the Dancer’s control, it would be Venti’s power. He’s all about freedom, and that’s sure as shit the opposite of it.”

“But still! If we grab Amber and run…that completely ruins the chance of further peace talks!” Naomi desperately pointed out.

Cookie shrugged. “The Poles and Americans are onboard, and the alternative is Lauren launches a one-woman suicide mission to get her completely platonic bestie back.”

There was no way Naomi bought what those two had going on was straight, even if Lauren was supposedly dating Hospitaliar. But that was a distraction. “Yes, but still…that means there is no chance of peace.”

“There never was. The Poles will keep fighting until either they’re all dead, or the Russians are gone, and Alexandria seems ready to back them to the hilt. Shit, when was the last time a Head of State was leading from the front? They’re all in on this,” Cookie said with a shake of her head. “And we cannot afford for Poland to ally with the avowed anti-Archon Americans after this is all done. Almost better for the Tsaritsa to conquer them.”

“Katherine!” Naomi squawked, even more horrified by that.

“She’s just being real, and frankly, she might be right. They worry me, Naomi,” Capri said with a shake of her head. “They’ve been antagonistic towards every Archon since they’ve arrived, and the one time they get buddy buddy, the Tsarista stabs them in the back? They’re out for blood, and Venti’s on the list once they deal with the Tsaritsa.”

“Then why work with them at all!?” Naomi cried desperately. “If this is Alexandria’s idea…”

“No, it’s Lauren’s. And you know why. Because much as I hate to admit it, the Protectorate is five times the size of the Knights, and they’ve got stronger capes to boot,” Cookie said in disgust. “And they’re all that’s keeping the Fatui from just drowning us in bodies. Shit, do we even HAVE anyone who can go toe to toe with a Harbinger?”

“Me,” Capri snapped, and Cookie rolled her eyes at the same time Naomi did. “What? If anyone is Barbatos’ champion, it’s fucking me and you know it.”

“He hasn’t turned you into a monster like the Tsarista does the Harbingers, dear. Don’t go picking fights you can’t win,” Naomi sighed, rubbing Capri’s back as her wife fumed. 

“We’ve got some above average capes, and you two are in that number. But what we don’t have is an Eidolon or Alexandria. So for now, we need the Americans. As long as the goal is fighting off the Bear, we stay buddy buddy. And since they’re all in on plan ‘rescue Amber and fuck the Fatui,’ we’re doing this. Now, are you in, Naomi?” Cookie said, meeting Naomi’s gaze steadily.

Biting her lip, Naomi closed her eyes and whispered a short prayer. What should she do here?

It’s up to you, Naomi. I’m not fighting this battle for as long as I can. But when I do, get everyone and run. Run as far as you can, Venti whispered in her ear. 

That made Naomi shiver. “Venti says it’s up to us…but if he does intervene…we take everyone and evacuate, and fast.”

“I ain’t dumb enough to stick around and see two Archons rumble,” Capri said with a shake of her head. “If that’s what this is going to turn into…all the more reason to get Amber out while we can.”

Reluctantly, Naomi nodded. “If that’s what it takes…then yes. But…do we tell Tessa?”

“Fuck no,” Cookie said with a shake of her head. “She’s not on our side.”

“But Tessa is-”

“A neutral arbiter. If Kusinali wanted in on this party, she’d have declared war already. She hasn’t. She isn’t our enemy, but she’s not here to back us up. So she stays in the dark,” Cookie said firmly. “But I’m glad you have our backs. Just have that song of Freedom ready when I give the single.”

Then she stood and left, leaving Naomi feeling sick to her stomach. She’d hoped for peace. But this…this killed that dream dead.

“Relax. We’ll handle it. And if we can’t…well, maybe for once the spoony bard will step up,” Capri said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yes…but that’s what I’m worried about,” Naomi sighed. 

Party Swapping With Rin, Chapter 9

As the sun set, Kazuma and the others snuck out into the darkening city. The pavement radiated heat like an oven, causing all of them to soon be soaked in sweat. Chris and Kazuma led the way, dodging heavily armed patrols of swaggering guards carrying pikes and scimitars under the neon lights of the various casinos.

That was probably the biggest shock to Kazuma: the entire city of Elroad looked like Las Vegas, with towering hotels dressed in various themes, from the one with a lot of fountains that reminded him of Alcanrettia, the one with pyramids, to another with jousting knights. All of them advertised games of chance, and it made Kazuma’s fingers itch. 

“Later…” Chris whispered, making Kazuma jump. “We’ll rob this place blind later, my clumsy apprentice. Oh, the run’s we’ll have…I’ve been itching to teach this place a lesson for ages.”

“I mean, sure, robbing casinos is great, but I was thinking of gambling, not robbing the vault,” Kazuma hissed back. 

Chris giggled at that. “Oh Kazuma. That’s exactly how I was planning to rob them. When you and I play, it’s not really gambling now, is it?”

Kazuma grinned and laughed. “No, I suppose it isn’t, is it? Now come on. We got an idiot king to save.”

They finally made it to the outskirts of the palace, where the ring of mage towers could be seen. Each tower was at least 60 meters tall. They would have been nothing special in Japan, but by this world’s standards, walls of such height were extraordinary. They were also incredibly wide, having a base of 20 meters in diameter. Each was made of solid sandstone, with magical glyph wards on it that would protect it from most spells. 

“Where’s a Chuuni Calamity on legs when you need her?” Kazuma muttered. Despite himself, he found he was actually missing Megumin. This would have been a perfect target for one of her Explosions. 

“We’re going to have to do this the hard way,” Darkness said grimly, raising her sword. 

“Do me a favor and aim your swings at me. That way you won’t hit me,” Kazuma told her, which  made Darkness flush and Dust scowl. 

“Hey man, you don’t see me insulting your girl,” Dust growled. 

“That’s because Rin is perfect in every way and would kick your ass if you tried. Darkness, on the other hand, is into it,” Kazuma said blithely. 

“Hmm, you’ve got something on your nose, Kazuma,” Rin said, rubbing her own to demonstrate. Kazuma copied the gesture, and Rin chuckled. “There, looks like the brown came off. Now come on. Darkness, you wait for Kazuma and Chris to take out the guards, then you lead the way in. I’ll be right behind you and Dust.”

Kazuma stepped forward, then hesitated. On a whim he  turned her around, scooping Rin up in his arms and sweeping her off her feet to kiss her deeply. He looked into her eyes and said, “I love you.”

Rin, for her part, had gone completely red, but her tail was swishing back and forth so hard it was kicking up a dust cloud. She just grinned stupidly at Kazuma and nodded, so he set her back down and hurried after Chris, who was sneaking towards the tower entrance, and activated lurk. 

He nearly fell over when something invisible slapped him on the back. “Nice work, lowly assistant. Seems like my luck and charm are rubbing off on you! Now get your head in the game.”

The main doors to the tower were sealed up tight, which only made sense, so Kazuma and Chris looked for a back way. It didn’t take long for them to locate a side door, but Kazuma’s thief sense told him there were plenty of guards on the other side. 

“We need a way in so that the others can get inside,” Kazuma whispered to Chris as they crouched in the twilight. “How do we do it?”

“Hmm, let’s just listen for a moment,” Chris said, and they put their ears to the door. 

Sweet Eris, I’m hungry. When’s dinner coming? 

Dunno, Captain Ali said something about food being delivered later. He’s with the Minister now.

Great. I bet it’s more of that awful stew. Makes you want to order out, doesn’t it?

You know the rules. No food unless it’s from the barracks. Even if I think I’ll hurl if I eat one more bite of that slop. 

Kazuma and Chris pulled back and eyed each other. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Kazuma asked. 

“Yes, and the good news is, I already have the uniforms with me,” Chris said.

Chuckling, Kazuma nodded. “Just like you, Chief, to already have guard uniforms for-”

A shirt and pants smacked Kazuma in the head, and he pulled them off to see a red shirt with black slacks, along with a ball cap with a familiar logo on it. “Wait, is this-”

“Yes, but don’t tell anyone. Some weeb who was a big fan of Code Geass set up a chain here decades ago and it’s been a smash hit. Now turn around so we can get changed,” Chris told Kazuma.

Moments later, Kazuma was dressed as a Pizza Hut delivery man, with Chris in identical uniform. She’d also produced eight piping hot boxes of pizza pie from somewhere. 

“You’re really going to have to tell me how you know about Code Geass later,” Kazuma told Chris as he adjusted his red ball cap. 

“If you haven’t figured it out by now you’re either completely blind or so infatuated that you can’t even notice other girls now. Either way, I’m milking this until I stop finding the joke funny,” Chris told him, which didn’t answer much of anything. Then she rapped smartly on the door in the familiar “shave and a haircut” pattern. “DELIVERY FOR CAPTAIN ALI!” 

There was a pause, then a flap slid aside and a pair of eyeballs peered out. “Yeah, yeah, password or you- holy shit, is that Pizza Hut!? Guys, Captain Ali sprang for pizza!”

“Wait, he did?” someone said from the other side, but the door was already being flung open by the overly eager guard. 

“Sweet, hand it over!” the guard said, licking his chops.

“Nuh-uh. Not until we get paid. Plus tip. Do you have any idea how hard it was to deliver this with the city on lockdown?” Kazuma demanded. “If we didn’t have a writ from Captain Ali, we’d never have made it! As it is, this stuff’s nearly cold!” 

“Right, right, fine, come on in,” the guard said, and ushered Kazuma and Chris inside, where they set the pizzas down on a nearby table. The guards eagerly crammed around it, grabbing steaming hot slices of pizza goodness. 

A minute later, Captain Ali hurried down the stairs. “What’s this!? Who ordered pizza! There’s a damn lockdown, how’d you even get it delivered?!” 

One of the guards paused, a bit of cheese hanging from his beard.  “Uh, you ordered it, captain. They said it’s 16000 eris, plus tip.”

“For eight large pizzas!? That’s highway robbery!” Ali ranted. Then paused. “Wait, but I didn’t order pizza.”

“Then perhaps you ordered a knuckle sandwich?”

“No, I don’t remember-” Ali cut off as Darkness’ fist slammed into his jaw, sending him skidding across the floor bereft of several teeth. He didn’t even get a chance to grab a slice. 

The guards yelled and tried to fight back, but they were taken completely by surprise as a Dragon Knight, a Crusader, a mage, and a terrifying dragon-loli smashed into them from one side, and the pizza delivery crew betraying them from the other. After a brief scuffle, the guards were bound and gagged, which made Darkness look terribly jealous.

“Don’t worry, later,” Dust promised, which made Darkness blush and Kazuma gag. 

“That’s not all of the guards,” Chris warned. “These are just the grunts. The mages are the real problem, and they’re on the top floor. I also doubt they’ll fall for the pizza gag twice.”

“No more pizza?” Faitfore asked, looking up with her mouth smeared with sauce and cheese, as she’d found a half eaten pie and promptly devoured the rest. 

Darkness hastily took out a hankie and wiped Faitfore’s mouth clean. “We’ll have more pizza after we rescue the king, sweetie. Just keep working hard.”

“Ok, momma,” Faitfore said in her usual serious tone. Darkness squealed and picked the girl up, hugging her tightly. 

“I want one,” Rin whispered to Kazuma. “She’s so adorable!” 

“Yeah, me too,” Kazuma said, half before he knew what he’d said. “But, uh, later. First, let’s blow this joint.”

They made their way up to the top of the tower, having to bypass several magical barriers that had sprung up. Fortunately, it seemed Rin was a bit of an expert on getting into magical locks. “I may have uh, specialized in cracking magical barriers. I always knew I wanted to be an adventurer…soooo…” Rin chanted a quick spell, then pressed a control rune that deactivated it. “Ta-da!” 

“Aww, you’re both gremlins! You’re perfect for one another,” Chris laughed. 

“Says the woman who apparently carries around Pizza Hut uniforms just for a dumb gag,” Kazuma muttered. 

Chris wagged a finger at him. “It’s only dumb if it doesn’t work. Otherwise, you’re just lucky! Come on, there’s only one more before we get to the top.”

They hurried up the last set of stairs, only to find the barrier already lowered. Kazuma held up a hand, peering up above them into the darkness. “Wait. Something’s not right. That can’t have been all the barriers. Someone had to put those up, right?” 

“They were automatic defenses, so even a single mage could have activated them,” Rin explained. “Still…yeah. This seems like a trap. What’s going on?”

“I smell…something scary,” Faitfore said, sniffing at the air and steppin forward. “Daddy, stay behind me.”

“No, pumpkin, you- WAIT, FAITFORE!” Dust shouted, as Faitfore suddenly leapt forward, sprinting up the last set of stairs towards the roof. 

The rest of them charged after, just in time to see the flash of magic and the roar of a dragon. Kazuma emerged to see Faitfore in draconic form battling it out with half a dozen spell casters lobbing advanced magic at her. The mages were all lined up, and behind them cringed a man with a black turban, black goatee, and an official looking staff. 

Right, the guards had mentioned a Minister. That must be him. Couldn’t scream Evil Vizier if he tried any harder. 

“I’ll grab the priority target, you guys hit the mages!” Kazuma called, and slipped back into the shadows as he watched the battle unfold. The mages focused their fire quite naturally on the giant dragon, and while Faitfore was clearly hurt by their spells, she managed to clamp her jaws around one mage and then fling him over the side of the tower, screaming. The mage would probably be fine, more's the pity, but they were out of the battle for now. 

The next to pile in was Dust, leaping a good 10 meters into the air to come down with his spear on another mage. His armor absorbed the spells sent his way, and Dust skewered the woman, snarling, “Leave my baby girl alone!” 

Two mages fired off massive inferno spells at Darkness, but she simply enjoyed the experience. They did seem relieved that she dropped her sword, but Kazuma knew that just meant she was taking this seriously. She picked up one mage, breaking their arm with one hand before throwing them bodily at the second, bowling them both over. Sheesh. The woman really should just give up on the sword all together. She was a natural wrestler. 

The last mage engaged in a brief duel with Rin, which made Kazuma worried. They clearly knew Advanced Magic, while Rin was using only intermediate spells. Fortunately, that seemed to be more of a distraction until Chris came in and slipped a dagger into the mage’s back, causing them to slump to the ground with a knife in their kidney. 

“You damned adventurers, you’re ruining everything!” the Vizier hissed at Kazuma as he approached the man with Chunchumaru out. “I was this close to finally managing to balance the kingdom’s budget after those idiot foreigners came in and began draining the national treasury!” 

“Yeah, well, stay quiet old man and we won’t have to kill you while we light the signal. If you’re good and tell us where you’re holding King Leo, we won’t even torture you,” Kazuma said.

“Ha! I’d LOVE for you to take them off my hands, but this is even more of a disaster. Do you know how much it costs to replace those mages!? Bother. Well, I suppose I was supposed to be toppling the kingdom for the Devil King, so I may as well just use this opportunity to take out Bryndle’s dragon knights too.”

Kazuma paused, half a step away from the Vizer. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh, yes, terribly sorry, forgot to introduce myself. You see, I’m Ragecraft, General of the Devil King. A pleasure,” the Vizer said, extending a hand to Kazuma.

He tried to pull back from automatically shaking the man's hand, but the general darted forward to seize it, . “Oh no. This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”

“Oh, I’ll try to make it painless while I kill all of you. Just because a man needs to destroy humanity doesn’t mean he needs to be rude about it,” Ragecraft said in sensible tones.

“Uh, guys?” Kazuma called, trying to pull his hand away. “We have a problem!” 

“What, can you not deal with one old man, Kazuma?” Dust called. “Come on, Rin, light the flare!” 

Rin shot off the green spell into the sky, where it exploded. “There. Now the Dragon Knights will be here shortly. Who’s the prisoner, Kazuma?”

“GUYS!” Kazuma screamed, as his arm was gripped tighter and tighter. In a moment, Ragecraft’s features melted like clay, then reformed to look like Kazuma’s own to his horror. Numbness traveled up his arm, and Kazuma felt himself going limp. He dropped Chunchumaru, only for Ragecraft to catch it before dumping the now limp Kazuma on the floor. 

He could only watch in horror as Ragecraft sidled up to Rin, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Good work. However, there’s something I really must ask you about in private. Would you just step over here with me, my lady?”

“Kazuma, what’s gotten into you? First you're screaming and now you want to sneak off? Looking for a quickie all of a sudden?” Rin teased, making Kazuma’s stomach lurch. 

“Ah, the minister fainted, he’s over there. I just wanted you to check on him. And really, a quickie? Now really isn’t the time, we have work to do,” Ragecraft said, making Kazuma sound like a real obnoxious asshole.

Rin’s face suddenly went dark, and Kazuma cheered as she cried, “FIREBALL!” 

Ragecraft realled, back, cursing and slapping at the flames on what looked like Kazuma’s clothes. “Confound it, woman! Why would you attack one of your own allies!?”

“I don’t think so. Kazuma would never miss a chance to say something pervy or go for a quickie, battlefield or no,” Rin hissed, her tail standing straight as a bristle brush as she leveled her staff at Kazuma. 

“Very well, now, behold, my TRUE FORM!” Ragecraft cackled, and he began to grow, his clothing shredding as he transformed into a giant demon, wielding a flaming sword at-

A giant tail smashed into Ragecraft, bowling him over and very nearly crushing Kazuma. The still growing giant cried out in pain as silver flames from Faitfore washed over him, then shrieked again as a Lightning Bolt spell struck him. Then Dust lept on him and began to stab the man, before Darkness ran over and punched him in the side of the head as hard as she could. Chris even pulled out her magic dagger and went to work on the giant’s tendons.  

What followed was about two minutes of utter humiliation as Kazuma lay flat on his back. Ragecraft tried shifting his form several times, but it never helped. He simply got wailed on as he complained and whined. At last, he tried to turn into a bird and fly away, only for Faitfore to clamp her jaws around him and swallow him whole. Kazuma was worried he’d try and grow again, but then Faitfore opened her jaw and breathed a stream of fire into the skies, probably deep frying whatever was left of the poor general. 

“Wait, if this was the fake Kazuma…where’s the real one?” Dust asked, glancing around.

“Oh no…KAZUMA!” Rin wailed, desperately scrambling around the top of the tower. 

“It’s fine, the big lug is right here,” Chris said, coming over to where Kazuma was lying. She popped the cork off the bottle and put it to Kazuma’s lips, and a moment later, sensation returned to his body and he groaned, managing to shift his body, though it felt like your arm did after you slept on it all night. 

“I’m alive,” Kazuma muttered as Rin hastily knelt beside him, cradling his head in her lap. “Sorry, uh, turns out…that was a General of the Devil King.”

“What? Are you sure? He didn’t seem very hard,” Rin said, frowning down at Kazuma.

“He said his name was Ragecraft? That ring any bells?” Kazuma asked. 

Rin gawked and looked at Chris, who laughed. “Hot damn! That was a NICE bounty we just claimed! Check out your Adventurer’s card, Rin. I bet you went up a level!”

“Later,” Rin mumbled, blushing slightly. “I just…you’re OK, right Kazuma?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, flopping his arm. “I was only mostly dead.”

“And as well all know, there’s a big difference between all dead, and mostly dead,” Chris said with a wink.

Kazuma and Rin just looked at her with blank expressions, and she sighed. “Oh well, I guess a Japanese wouldn’t know that one. I’ll just have to find other ways to drop hints. Hey! There’s the cavalry!”

They all craned their heads upward as the column of Dragon Knights soared overhead, making for the castle. The other towers tried to fire on them, but they were too distant to get clear shots and at the wrong angle to really do much of anything. The Knights and their Dragons were able to land in the castle, which quickly surrendered with its defenses penetrated. 

After that, it came to light that the Sultan was bed ridden, and had been for several weeks. His young son, Revi, was in charge, sitting pale faced on a throne in his pajamas. “Uh, I just did what Minister Ragecraft told me to do…” the young boy admitted. “Plus, those foreigners were eating us out of house and home, and the state was being forced to cover their gambling debts! We were going broke!”

“Well it turns out he was a general of the Devil King trying to cause problems, so perhaps we can forgive you,” Rin told Prince Revi, who looked much relieved. “But what’s this about my father’s gambling debts?”

Just then, a door opened, and a tall man with a scraggly beard in soiled and torn but previously fine clothes strode in, followed by two men who had to be his sons in similar wear. “Leonore! My precious baby lion has finally-”

“Father! What is this about GAMBLING DEBTS?!” Rin demanded, rounding on the man, her expression furious. 

King Leo hesitated. “Well, um sweetums, you see, ah, we were having so much fun, and we just knew our luck would turn around, so, er, we-”

“You sit down right here,” Rin ordered, pointing to the carpet before the throne. “I’m getting to the bottom of this.”

“But, Leonore, you just rescued us! We have to make these savages pay!” one of the princes, Leo-something, said. 

“I don’t want to hear a word out of you, Leopold. I’ve heard plenty from the palace staff about your habits back home, and so help me, if you’ve continued it here, there will be hell to pay!” Rin vowed. 

“I am the King and your father! You will treat me with respect or I will-” King Leo began.

There was a loud and very ominous cough, and a woman in a fine dress put a firm hand on the king's shoulder. “Sit, your majesty. The princess is talking.”

“Who are you, how dare- Hoyin? What are you wearing?”

“My very best, provided by Princess Leonore. Now sit. And listen,” Hoyin growled. 

Looking sheepish, the king and the princes had a seat right there on the carpet while Rin ordered the palace staff to bring ledgers detailing her father’s spending habits. They all quickly testified that the Bryndle delegation had been abusing the hospitality of Elroad in a most egregious manner, burning through over a million eris a day in food and drink, not to mention the several billion eris debt they’d racked up in the gambling halls. 

“So, um, we took them hostage because they were trying to skip out on what they owned to the casino. We just needed to collect on their debt,” Revi admitted. “Plus, the cost of the wrecked rooms they caused when we tried to get them to pay up. We rounded up, uh, somewhat generously, but, well…at the very least, they owe about 50 billion eris.”

Rin closed her eyes, then slowly rounded on the King, who was cowering before her. “My cutest little cub, I can explain…”

“Oh, it’s not me you’ll need to explain things to. It’s your people, who are going to be saddled with this ridiculous debt you’ve incurred! Fifty BILLION!? That’s half our annual budget for the ENTIRE KINGDOM!”

“Wait, how do you even know that? You’ve never attended any meetings,” Prince Leo-whatever asked. 

“The Princess has taken over management of the kingdom in your absence. And done a smashing good job of it too,” Chanticlair sniffed.

Sighing, Rin turned to Revi. “Well, the bounty on Ragecraft was about five hundred million eris. Will you accept that as a down payment on their debt?”

Revi blinked. “Uh, aren’t you just going to take them and force us to eat the cost? You, er, are the one with the army of dragons…”

“Yes, and Elroad is our second biggest trading partner after Belzerg, not to mention the kingdoms of humanity need to stand united against the threat of the Devil King,” Rin moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We can’t afford to alienate you, and this is the sort of debt that would make a kingdom collapse. The last thing we need is for the casinos to seize total power and put up a trade embargo against us.”

“Uh,” Revi looked to his (non-traitorous) advisers, who were all frantically nodding at him. “Yes! We accept. We can surely work out some sort of arrangement to pay back the debt over time.”

“Oh yes, we will. And I know EXACTLY which three idiots are going to be working themselves to the bone to do it,” Rin growled, rounding on the king. “Chanticlair, put these three idiots under arrest. Then find the dirtiest bounties the guild has to offer in Bryndle, and put my father and brothers to work. Because Lady of Fair Fortune help me, I am not going to see my national budget ruined because of my own family’s incompetence!” 

“Leonore, you can’t do that, that’s…that’s treason!” Prince Leo-Whatever protested. 

“My…my own daughter…enacting a coup against me?” the King gasped. 

“A coup, huh?” Rin turned to the assembled knights and dragons. “Any objections to the former King and Princes spending the rest of their natural lives working off their debt?”

“Should just execute them and be done with it,” Hoyin growled, which made the former royals cringe in fright. 

“HAIL, QUEEN LEONORE!” Chanticlaire shouted, then knelt before Rin. A few moments later, the rest of the knights and dragons had followed suit. 

There was a loud cough. “Ah, actually, I think you’ll find she wants to take the regnal name of Rin,” Chris commented. 

Chanticlaire blinked and glanced at Rin, who flushed. “Uh, yes. I think the kingdom has had enough of Leo monarchs. Time to start fresh.”

“HAIL, QUEEN RIN!” the Knights and Dragons all shouted. After that, the former king and princes were hauled off, and Rin and Kazuma had to get to the rather serious business of drawing up a treaty with Elroad, dealing with how the debt between the two kingdoms would be settled. It was decided that they would pin the blame of the entire thing on Ragecraft, who had been working to poison relations between the two kingdoms, and the sheer incompetence of King Leo the Deposed and his sons. 

The sun had been up for hours after they finished, and Rin and Kazuma were all too grateful to accept the chambers that Revi offered them to spend the night in. “They’re not our nicest guest chambers, but, well, the former King trashed those so badly they’re still being cleaned and repaired.”

“They’ll do fine,” Kazuma assured him. “We just need somewhere to pass out for a few hours before we head back to Bryndle.”

The two of them staggered to the bed, sharing a long kiss. “Well, at least we saved two kingdoms, huh?” Kazuma commented. 

“Yes, it’s finally over and-”

The door smashed open, and Darkness strode in, her eyes wide. Dust hastily shut the door after Faitfore and Chris came in, causing Rin to groan. “Whatever it is can wait. I’m too tired for even a quick…uh, embrace before bed. And Faitfore looks exhausted.”

“...eepy,” Faitfore yawned, holding her arms up to Dust, who picked up the drowsy girl and rested her on his shoulder, where she promptly fell asleep.

“Rin, do you have any idea what you’ve just done?!” Darkness hissed. 

“Prevented a war and came up with a reasonable repayment plan that won’t bankrupt Bryndle?” Rin yawned. 

“NO! YOU OVERTHREW THE RIGHTFUL MONARCH AND ROYAL FAMILY AND SEIZED A FOREIGN THRONE! BRYNDLE IS DOOMED! DOOOOOOMED!” Darkness half screamed, hoisting Rin off her feet by the collar and shaking her.

“Hey! Hey! Knock it off!” Kazuma demanded, desperately trying to force Darkness to set Rin down. 

The shake, however, seemed to have forced Rin back to her senses, and Darkness set her down, only to pick Kazuma up and rattle his brains as well. “You insufferable man! This may be a game to you, but you don’t understand! Neither of you have royal blood! The gods will curse you both, and you’re as doomed as Bryndle is! It will surely fall!” Darkness cried, tears in her eyes. 

“Eh, I wouldn’t say that,” Chris said with a shrug. “Leo was a bore and his sons were worse. To say nothing of Leonore. I think you’ll find the gods will bless this just fine.”

“Oh and how would you know?” Darkness snapped, dropping Kazuma to the ground with a thump. “You’re just an uneducated thief! I love you, Chris, but you cannot steal a throne! The gods ALWAYS curse those foolish enough to topple their anointed, and without the gods’ blessing, there will be no royal family! And without a royal bloodline, the kingdom won’t have heroes strong enough to defend the kingdom against the forces of the Devil King!” 

“I dunno. Hey, Kazuma, you think Aqua would be cool with you and Rin taking the Throne of Bryndle?” Chris commented. 

Darkness rolled her eyes. “Much as Aqua might THINK she’s a goddess, she’s not actually a real deity, and can’t grant the Divine Right of Kings!” 

“But, the Knights were OK with the overthrow. Don’t they know about the Divine whatever?” Kazuma moaned, clutching his head. 

“But they thought I was of royal blood! If they find out I’m just a commoner…” Rin looked panicked now, and was gnawing at her fingernails. 

“Hmmm. Yeah, I can see I’m not going to get any peace until this is resolved,” Chris sighed. “Totally gonna have to blow my cover for this. Sheesh. And here I had hoped at least Kazuma would figure it out on his own.”

“Figure what out?” Kazuma asked, frowning at Chris.

She rolled her eyes, then grabbed two grapefruit off the table, and stuffed them under her shirt. “Chris, this really isn’t the time,” Darkness sighed. 

“No, no, I got this.” Then Chris grabbed a pillow case, pulled it over her head like a shawl, and covered her scar with a bit of makeup. Then she turned to the puzzled group, widened her eyes, and said, “I am terribly sorry, but I regret to inform you that you have died…again.”

Kazuma blinked, and for a moment, his mind went blank. Then his eyes went wide and he screamed, “ERIS?!” 

“Took you long enough!” Chris laughed, pulling off the pillow case and letting the fruit fall out of her top. “Sheesh, Aqua not getting it I can understand, I’ve been pulling a fast one on her for centuries, but you, Kazuma? I thought my cover would be blown after the Winter Shogun, for sure after the Kite Runners!” 

“Huh? Kazuma, what’s going on?” Rin asked, looking at Kazuma as Darkness’ head whipped back and forth between Chris and Kazuma.

“And Darkness, really, it’s fine. I’ve known the entire time. Heck, you being such an oddball pervert was why I answered your prayer by visiting to be your friend in the first place,” Chris said. 

Darkness went red and instantly fell to her knees. “F-forgive me, Lady Eris!” 

“Uh, Kazuma…?” Rin said, her voice trembling now. 

“Uh, well, you see…Aqua really is a goddess…and, um, turns out…Chris is too,” Kazuma admitted, rubbing the back of his head. 

“Ha ha. Very funny. You two worked this out ahead of time, didn’t you?” Rin demanded, folding her arms over her chest. 

“That’s how you knew so much about Japan! I should have known,” Kazuma groaned, shaking his head. 

“Sorry, Rin. I hope we can still be friends!” Chris said brightly. “And get up, Darkness. I still expect plenty of prayers and offerings, but not when I’m actually here, you know? It gets lonely up in heaven too.”

“I’m lost, what’s going on?” Dust whispered to Darkness, a perplexed look on his face.

“Two of my best friends are gods,” Darkness said, her voice shaking as she got to her feet. “I don’t suppose Megumin is…never mind. I don’t want to know.”

“I mean, she’s already a Crimson Demon. Frankly, that’s enough. Don’t tell her about me though. Those lunatics would try and imprison me as a tourist attraction,” Chris said with a shudder. 

Rin had gone rather pale now, and was clinging to Kazuma. “Kazuma…now would be a really good time to tell me this was all a really unfunny prank…”

“Nope! But don’t worry. I find you very cute together, so you’ll do just fine,” Chis said with a giggle. “Name the baby after me, though. Christopher is a good boy’s name. Sorry, Kazuma. No luck there. Oh, you too, Darkness! Christina for you though. She can be Tina, like her mom.”

Rin’s hand instantly went to her abdomen. “W-wait, um, you mean…?”

“Yeah, you’re both pregnant. Have been for a while, actually! Turns out Kazuma’s just that lucky. Scored a home run that first night in the forest,” Chris said blithely. 

“Wait, how could she know that? Is she a priest?” Dust asked, furrowing his brow. 

Chris patted him on the cheek. “Never change, Dust. Never change. Now, if you will, Rin. Your Adventurer’s card?”

Trembling, Rin took out her card and handed it over to Chris, who examined it. “Hmm, not bad base stats. But, well, we’ll just give that a little polish…” She rubbed the Adventurers card with her fingers, then held it up to admire it. “Ah, perfect! There you go.”

Rin took the card, then frowned. “My stats didn’t go up, but…wait. What’s that x2 mean? And those new skills…Royal Bloodline…and…Rightful Ruler?!”

“Yep! Congratulations, heaven has smiled on you this day! Normally, I’m too low-ranking to bestow the Divine Right, buutttttt….since Aqua is out of the office, I can rubber-stamp it!” Chris said proudly. Then she turned and put a hand on Dust and Darkness’ shoulders. “Now shoo! These two have some celebrating to do! They just found out they’re parents, and got a kingdom to boot! A very in-debt kingdom, but eh, Rin’s smart, and Kazuma’s lucky. Now get going, you too! Your eldest daughter needs a nap, and so does Darkness! I want my adorable namesake to be a healthy baby, you hear?”

Rin lowered her card, then gave Kazuma a sheepish grin as the door closed. “Um, oops. Er…congratulations?”

Slowly, Kazuma knelt, then put his ear to Rin’s belly. “Hmm. Can’t hear anything yet…”

“We’ve only been dating for like six weeks, you dork. You’ll barely even notice I’m pregnant for another couple of months,” Rin said with a snort. Then she winced. “Er, I guess I did baby trap you after all, huh?”

“Well, you know what that means,” Kazuma said, scooping Rin up in his arms. She gave a delighted squeal, especially when he tossed her onto the bed and pulled her pants off. 

“We can have as much sex as we want and not worry I’ll get pregnant,” Rin giggled. She hesitated then, sitting up to cling to Kazuma tightly. “But…Kazuma…this means…we really did pull off a coup.”

“Eh, we’ll worry about it later. Besides, now I know you really are marrying me for my money! You just want to get your kingdom out of debt,” Kazuma chuckled.

Rin leaned back, her eyes hooded. “Oh really? Well, I suppose if I must take this vile pervert of a man to my bed to pay off my kingdom’s-EEEEE! Ah! Kazuma…I love you…” Rin moaned as Kazuma peeled off her panties and spread her legs wide.

“I love you too, my Queen,” Kazuma said, then set to work with his mouth until Rin gasped and groaned, clutching at his hair. He didn’t last very long once he was inside her, but that didn’t matter. They fell asleep in sweaty and tangled sheets, oblivious to what the future might hold for a few more hours. 

The Second Archon War: Carmen Dei 28

Carmen Dei 28: Frozen Dreams of Spring

For three days, Amber remained in the Fatui camp. At times, Kollei would depart to tend to the wounded or attend to her other duties, and she would send Amber to the Dream, either to the village or elsewhere to await her return. It was more than a bit creepy to be stuck inside a dream, but it was less terrifying than having to be in the presence of the Dancer. 

Every day, Anastasia Kommisarova found a reason to approach Amber. Whether it was to hand deliver a report to Kollei, or to bring her a book or some other trinket, the Dancer always approached her while Amber was near. And each time, in a most unsubtle way, the Dancer managed to touch Amber.

First she simply touched Amber’s arm, leaving behind a faint string of Hydro energy that rapidly dissipated to nothing. It left Amber with nervous twitches for hours, even though she had Kollei check her over and verify that there was no lingering control. 

“I’d be able to tell, and potentially even break it if she had mind controlled you,” Kollei said, trying to reassure Amber. “My Authority trumps hers, and I’m a healer. S-still…I haven’t tried to do it yet, so just, um, try to stay away from her, OK?” 

The next time Anastasia was so bold as to run her hand along the base of Amber’s neck, and on the third day, she even goosed Amber, which just said all sorts of things about the Fatui’s working environment. Though considering the Dancer’s history, mild sexual harassment was the least of her crimes. 

The tension made Amber sick to her stomach and gave her a nervous twitch when she tried to smile, but through it all, she tried to be the best friend to Kollei she could be. That wasn’t terribly hard, as it seemed like Kollei had no one to be friends with and Amber was a naturally friendly person, but it did leave her feeling drained. 

Kollei spent a lot of time in the Fatui medical tent, tending to patient’s wounds. Not individually, as the patients were usually healed about as soon as Kollei got her hands on them. All it really took was a single touch from Kollei and whatever the malady was, the person affected was healed of it. Bullet wounds, burns, even missing limbs. Though Kollei didn’t regrow the missing appendage so much as fashion a replacement out of frozen vines that seemed to work just as well as the original. 

Universally, all the Fatui treated Kollei like she was a god, or at the very least, God’s chosen emissary. Which, Amber supposed, made a great deal of sense considering who Kollei’s adoptive mother was. People knelt or bowed their heads whenever Kollei approached, and those in bed who were conscious tried to sit up or offer some obeisance. 

For her part, Kollei seemed entirely flustered by the whole thing. She didn’t do the false modesty routine and insist that everyone treat her like a normal person, but instead accepted the offerings and showed kindness and care in return. 

 It was a bit eerie, seeing the absolute reverence everyone treated Kollei with, while they looked at Amber like she was a particularly poorly behaved dog. She was glared at, spat on, and kicked by anyone who didn’t think Kollei was watching particularly closely. Amber tried to take it all with stoic indifference, but it was hard. She naturally wanted to like everyone and be liked by everyone in return, and for most of her life, she had been. Now it was like being around her father when he was drunk all the time and she was a small child again. 

Despite her vow not to do anything to help the Fatui, the tension and lack of anything useful to do drove Amber quickly to distraction, and she soon found herself tinkering. It started when she noticed one of the hospital medical devices wasn’t working. That wasn’t really an issue for Kollei since she used magic to diagnose and treat, but Amber picked it up and had it open with a screwdriver in a heartbeat. 

The nurse or doctor, Amber wasn’t really sure which, yelled at her in Russian, which made exactly zero sense to her. “I’m not going to break it, let me look at it!” she said, holding the device away from the man as he growled at her. 

“Leave her alone, she’s with me,” Kollei told the man. He backed off, glaring at Amber, though he bowed and said something worshipful to Kollei.

While Kollei tended the woman on the bed, a fanuus who had received some sort of head injury, Amber crouched in the corner and fiddled with the machine. Even as a child, she’d been good with machinery and electronics. She’d been especially fascinated with making flying machines, but that hadn’t been the only thing she’d messed around with. She’d found her first job at an electronics repair shop at the tender age of only 15, where she’d been paid peanuts, but at least she’d been out of the house.

Back then, electronics and machinery had just made sense to her. But now? Now, Amber could practically hear them. She could just see what was wrong with this one: a little corrosion that had made a connection bad. She had it fixed in a handful of seconds, putting the now functional device back even before Kollei had even finished healing her patient. 

The doctor had snatched it up and examined it suspiciously before eyeing Amber and saying something that sounded grudging. 

“I just cleaned it up a bit, that’s all. Easy fix,” Amber told him, shrugging helplessly and hoping the man knew even a little German. 

“If she says it’s fixed, it is,” Kollei told the irate doctor, standing as the patient wept and got out of bed to bow to Kollei. “You’re welcome, Ivana. Take care. Blessings of the Cryo Archon be with you.”

After that, Amber started going out of her way to find misbehaving electronics in the hospital, and the doctors and nurses even handed her some, along with the own personal electronics. She had them all working, and working better than ever. One suspicious nurse eyed her and asked in fair German, “You didn’t put a bug on it, did you?”

Amber mentally kicked herself. She should have been doing just that. She could have, probably, and put one on they’d never be able to find unless another Tinker took a look themselves. But no, she’d just genuinely been helping the enemy fix their broken gear because she was nervous, bored, and people needed help. 

“No! It’s all in order, see for yourself!” Amber said with overly forced cheer. 

Thankfully she was rescued after that by the fact that Kollei had put the hospital out of business again by healing all the patients, so they made their way back to her quarters with her usual honor guard of stone-faced seven-foot-tall fatui with a variety of elemental weapons that looked like they could put down an Endbringer. 

“Thank you for helping them, we don’t have any really good Tinkers at this camp, and well, my Mother doesn’t put much stock in electronics so we’re not really equipped to take care of them,” Kollei said with a sigh. “I’ve tried to explain to her what a computer is but she calls it ‘Fontainian nonsense’ and won’t listen further.” 

“Fontainian?” Amber asked curiously. “What’s that?” 

“Some country in Teyvat, I think. She doesn’t answer a lot of questions. Does Venti ever tell you knights about Teyvat?” Kollei asked. 

Without even thinking about the possible security implications, Amber shrugged and said, “He says he’s from somewhere called Mondstadt, and that it’s apparently wine country? He mentioned the Seven Archons, but we’re still missing three and the only guesses I have about them is that they’re someone in Genius Invocation TCG, though who I have no idea.”

“Yes, those I know. That dramatic strumpet is Hydro, the hot-headed motorhead is Pyro, and that old fart is Geo,” Kollei said with a roll of her eyes. “Names however I have not gotten.”

“Well I’m glad to know my Archon isn’t the only annoyingly cryptic one,” Amber muttered, then let out a yelp when one of the bodyguards slammed the butt of his rifle into her ribs. 

“Do not mock the Tsaritsa, scum” he growled in perfect German, which made Amber shudder. How many of them were listening to everything she said and reporting it to the Dancer? 

“Andrey! I told you not to touch her,” Kollei snapped. 

The guard immediately backed off, bowing. “Forgiveness, Princess. I cannot bear to hear your Benevolent Mother’s name derided.”

“She wasn’t, my Mother can be rather vague at times, even with me,” Kollei sighed. 

The Fatui looked like he wanted to say something, probably about how ‘somethings for not for mortal minds to hear,’ but he kept his big trap shut for his princess. But Amber was pretty sure she didn’t want to run into the man without Kollei to protect her. 

Back at Kollei’s rooms, there was hot chocolate and warm pastries waiting for them, which they both eagerly devoured. Though Amber was pretty sure she would be the first POW in history to gain four kilos in her captivity. 

“So, uh, I have to ask…how do you do your…thing.  You know, the Cryo and Dendro at the same time? I didn’t think anyone could do that,” Amber asked curiously as they ate. 

“I probably shouldn’t tell you,” Kollei sighed, and Amber felt both disappointed and hurt. 

“I wasn’t, I mean, I’m just asking as a friend, not, you know…” Amber wilted slightly because that was at least partly a lie. She did want to gather information, especially since she had a line back to the Knights.

“It’s fine, it’s not like you can tell anyone at the moment anyway,” Kollei said with a wave of her hand, which actually made Amber tear up. “It’s simple: I am a Dendro Allogen, gifted my Vision by Lord Buer. I met her, actually, in a dream. But, well, the other side of it is my mother grating me her Authority. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to Ami Raiden and Kenta Wang too.”

“The Inazuma no Himegimi and Mushu?” Amber muttered, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “Huh. So, they were parahumans, but Raiden granted them some power? And your mom,” boy oh boy did it feel weird to call the Tsaritsa that, “did the same with you? So you’re like…half angel or something?”

“I’d say god, but…sort of. If nothing else, I’m becoming one,” Kollei said, peering into her cup and looking pensive. “I’m not really sure what it even means if I’m being honest…but…yes. I’m not human anymore, not fully.”

Sensing Kollei was hurting, Amber slipped out of her seat and went over to hug Kollei, who sniffled and leaned her head against Amber. “Hey, it’s OK. I’m sure your mom means well. Venti has done…stuff…to me. You know, exorcised my demon. There are times now…I don’t know what to call it but divine revelation? Like, I was always good with machines and stuff, but now? It’s like I can hear them talk to me. Not like when my demon would possess me and I’d go into a Tinker furor. It’s different. I’m totally in control the whole time. It’s scary, but…it helps my friends. And you’re helping people! Not like-”

Amber cut herself off, and Kollei chuckled, moving away from her to pick up a lace hanky to dab at her eyes. “Not like my mother, you mean? She has helped Russia greatly. She would help others too, if they’d just accept her.”

“Accept her slavery?” Amber blurted, putting a hand to her mouth. For someone trying to weedle her way into the enemy’s good graces, she was really bad at this. 

“Service. Disciple. Like a mother to a child. Because Amber, if people don’t…you know what will happen,” Kollei said, ice in her tone.

“Scion blows up the world or something,” Amber muttered, rubbing her arms in the chill air. Kollei did like it cold, even in her rooms. “But if that’s the case…shouldn’t your mom want to work with Lord Barbados and the others? Not, you know…attack them?”

“They had a chance to help her when she fought the Sustainer upon her arrival. They ignored her. I think you can understand why they’d mistrust her,” Kollei said stubbornly. 

Because she was causing the freaking apocalypse and they were trying to stop her from freezing the world to death, Amber said, but this time only in her own head. And she was at least 80% sure Kollei couldn’t read her mind. 

“Ok, that’s true, I suppose. But I mean…this is really important. Shouldn’t they try talking it out again?” Amber pressed. 

“Yes, I hope…” Kollei sagged, looking despondent. “I don’t know what I hoped, honestly. I was thinking that maybe, if I captured you, there could be a prisoner exchange and we’d have a chance to come to the negotiating table, and maybe I could talk to Lord Barbados…I just don’t know.”

Amber’s heart leapt. “Yes, exactly! I think we could get you to talk with Lord Barbados! That it would be possible to negotiate something! Maybe at least an amicable exchange of prisoners. I mean, the war has lasted almost three weeks now, so both sides have to have some, right?” 

“Yes, but how would I even start that?” Kollei asked, sounding miserable.

Amber took her hands. “Um, Kollei, don’t be mad, but…I might have a way to contact Lord Barbados…”

That got her friend to sit upright in hurry. “You do? But of course! If you pray to him, he’ll hear you on the winds, right?”

More like over the short wave radio, but sure. “Yeah, something like that. It’s pretty reliable, so-”

“That’s great! Do you think you could set up negotiations?!” Kollei asked eagerly. “No, wait. Hmmm. I do have a contact…but if my mother finds out…no.. I’ll just have to try it. It’s worth it! Come on, let’s go to bed!” 

“Uh, ok,” Amber said uncertainly. It was barely past 8pm, and while it was dark outside, they normally stayed up far after this. Kollei changed into her night clothes and hopped into bed, out like a light in moments. Amber, for her part, sent another message. 

“...so that’s where I’m at. No other information, but did Barbados respond?” Amber asked Lauren hopefully. 

“Better than that. Naomi and Capri sent a message. They’ll be here personally in a couple of days. And if they’re here-”

“Then Barbados isn’t far behind,” Amber said, closing her eyes and letting out a soft breath. “Ok. We can do this. I can do this.”

“Amber, you need to be careful. This is a chance for vengeance, yes, but I don’t want to be stuck avenging your death. If you have a chance to get away, take it.”

“No. I can’t. If there is a chance for peace, then Kollei is that chance. She’s a good kid, Lauren!”

“A good kid whose mother is a complete monster and who threatened Poland with war, then declared it. She’s just as bad as any of the others, just cuter. Ask her about Bonesaw some time,” Lauren said coldly. 

“She told me that Riley was a scared little girl like her, and her mother wants to rehabilitate her. Maybe she’s a little rose-tinted in her view of that, but Bonesaw really was kidnapped by Jack Slash! Look, all I’m saying is, she’s not totally evil and there has to be a way to end this war that doesn’t involve millions of dead!” Amber hissed in frustration. 

“Amber, I-”

“I love you Lauren, but I’m doing this. Good night,” Amber huffed, then shut her radio off and rolled over on the cot. The acid in her stomach kept her falling asleep for long hours. She was doing the right thing, wasn’t she? 

As soon as Kollei closed her eyes upon the waking world, she opened them within the dream. She glanced over at Amber, tempted to take her with her on this journey, but her cot was still empty. Kollei could see the mist of her spirit, but apparently Amber hadn’t fallen asleep naturally yet. Kollei could have dragged her into the Dream one way or another but decided against it. This was a mission she had to undertake on her own. 

Traveling in the Dream wasn’t hard. You just had to visualize where you wanted to go, and take a step with your eyes closed. The hard part was that Kollei didn’t really have a firm grasp of where she was going, or geography in general. She’d barely had time to study up on European geography, let alone the rest of the world. Still, this shouldn’t be too hard, as Kollei did have a fair idea of where she was going. 

The House of Wisdom, Kollei thought, squeezing her eyes shut and picturing Baghdad in her mind. She stepped forward, and-

“Frozen nara will not take one more step, or Arabalika turn you to leaves and snowflakes!” a high pitched voice warbled. 

Kollei’s eyes snapped open, and she found herself surrounded by tiny little faeries, who had various sticks and twigs leveled at her. Someone with a more gentle upbringing might have been charmed by the ugly-cute of the aranara. Kollei, however, had grown up in the irradiated ruins of Moscow, and if there was one thing she knew about faeries, it was that they were very, very dangerous. So she wisely took Arabalika at his word, especially since the little aranara was fully capable of making good his promise. 

“I-I’m here to see Lord Buer! I, um, I need her help!” Kollei stammered, hastily taking out her Vision and showing it to the Aranara like a talisman. “My lands are beset by war, and I seek the wisdom of Lord Buer to help quell the conflict!”

Arabalika lowered his staff, the twin leaves on his head whirring into motion so that he could hover up to inspect the Vision. “Hmm. Frozen Nara smells of Tushar Nara. Very scary. We must protect Sarva Nara from Tushar Nara! However, Frozen Nara is also one of Vasara Nara that Sarva Nara has called. Hmm. We must speak with Aagarah Nara. Wait here.”

Arabalika flew off into the forest that surrounded them, and the other aranara lowered their weapons, toddling closer to inspect Kollei.

“Why does Frozen Nara smell of Tushar Nara?” one of them asked. 

“Um, w-well…if you mean the Cryo Archon…she’s my mother,” Kollei admitted. 

That got surprised cries from the others, but one aranara nodded sagely. “Yes, you are like Dramatic Nara. She is the daughter of Gaj Nara. This is known.”

“Ahh, like Dramatic Nara,” the others echoed, nodding their heads and making little tinkling sounds as they did so. 

Kollei had to fight back a smile. She’d never met Raiden Ami personally, but that sounded like a rather apt description of her. In fact, she and Kollei were of a similar age. It would be nice to have someone to talk to who understood what it was like to be the daughter of a god.

“I’ve always wondered, um, are there faeries in Russia like you?” Kollei asked, crouching down to study the aranara more closely. 

“Aranara grow from Sarva and follow Sarva Nara. Aranara do not know what nara Tushar Nara has. Tushar is too cold for aranara,” they explained. 

Kollei nodded, and made a mental note to ask her mother what sorts of fantastic creatures she’d brought with her. They’d noticed the slimes, specters, and whopper flowers of course, but those had been encroaching globally since the arrival of the first Archon. Cryo slimes in Russia just seemed natural at this point. 

They hadn’t waited long when there was a rattle of wings and a roar of engines, and Kollei let out a yelp and covered her head as a giant dragon flew down, landing with a crash and rearing up over Kollei. 

KOLLEI MOSKAYLOVA. WHY DO YOU INTRUDE UPON THE REALM OF DREAMS? The Flower Dragon roared. 

Slowly, so as not to be threatening, though how she could threaten a giant dragon was another question, Kollei stood up. “I…I am here to petition Lord Buer! There needs to be a…an intermediary, and arbiter, for any hope of peace talks between Russia and the other nations!”

PEACE TALKS? The dragon rumbled, leaning down so that her petal-like face was less than a meter from Kollei, blotting out the entire sky. IT WAS YOUR PEOPLE WHO STARTED THIS WAR. WITHDRAW TO YOUR ORIGINAL BORDERS AND THERE CAN BE TALK OF PEACE. 

“That…isn’t within my power,” Kollei admitted. “B-but what about prisoner exchanges? O-or negotiations to end the conflict? We…we need a third party! There’s bad blood between my mother and Barbatos. I…I don’t understand it all, but they have a dark history. I-Isn’t Lord Buer from an entirely different Teyvat? Perhaps…perhaps she could act as a neutral party!” Kollei suggested. 

The Dendro Drago regarded Kollei for a long moment, then suddenly vanished, replaced by what looked like a perfectly ordinary twenty-something caucasian woman in a green robe, wearing horn-rimmed glasses. She adjusted them, frowning at Kollei and smoothing back a bit of her messy brown hair. “That sounds surprisingly rational for someone who helped kick off what people are already calling World War III. Which is silly, because it’s just another dumb European war without involvement from the rest of the world. And frankly, we’d like to keep it that way.”

“I know. I never wanted this war. But, well, I think this is a grudge match between my mother and Barbatos in many ways,” Kollei admitted. “And, well…you know what’s coming. What happened to Lord Buer. And, um…I think my mother, too. What the Sustainer will do to this world. You can feel it in the Dream, right? That history just…ends. And he’s responsible.”

“What does that have to do with invading Poland?” Tessa demanded, folding her arms over her chest.

“Everything! We need every tool at our disposal to fight him. And to claim as much of humanity as possible as ours before he does…whatever it is he’s going to do. It has something to do with the demons that possess parahumans, I’m certain of it,” Kollei said, scowling herself, though not at Tessa as much as the problem. “Barbatos ran away from one cataclysm. My Mother thinks he’ll do the same to Europe. So, she wants as much of it as possible to protect them. If we could just make them understand…”

“That doesn’t sound like a recipe for peace. It sounds like you’re not actually interested in sitting down at the bargaining table,” Tessa pointed out. 

“I am! Just…we need to start with something. Prisoner exchanges! Just to open up a dialogue. Please,” Kollei begged. 

Tessa frowned, glancing over at a small screen that appeared in mid-air. “Hmph. Nahida says to go ahead if I want to. And Barbatos is willing too. Says thanks for looking after Amber.”

“Really?! Lord Buer will do it?!” Kollei gasped, delighted at the prospect. 

“Heck no. She can’t set foot in Europe, not in the current conditions anyway. Bad enough that two Archons are going at it. Three would be a complete disaster. No, she’ll send me as a diplomatic envoy. And I am under strict orders to ONLY be an envoy,” Tessa said firmly. 

Kollei was slightly disappointed, but not overly so. “Does…does she have any advice for me?”

“You’re on the path to wisdom. But you’ll be forced to make a choice, and soon. Don’t be afraid to do the hard thing, even if it seems like the wrong choice. Wow, bunch of fortune cookie stuff, eh?” Tessa shook her head. “I’ll be in touch. Don’t worry, I have your number already. Just send a message to Flower Dragon and I’ll get it, or find me in a Dream.”

“Alright! I’ll do it,” Kollei agreed eagerly, then stepped away. Not out of the Dream, but to another, more familiar part of the Dream. The Ice Palace. 

This was not something she could or should hide from her mother. Perhaps she should have sought approval before this, but, well, she didn’t want to simply be told no. Now that she had the pieces moving, however…

Much like in the waking world, the Ice Palace was aglow with elemental energy to Kollei’s eyes, and filled with artwork of stunning beauty. Much of it was newly created by her mother when she’d woven the palace, but many of the great treasures of Russia had been deposited here to display to the world. Vasily Surikov’s Conquest of Siberia was on prominent display in the front hall. Kollei had to pause to study the piece for a moment, even if it was just a reflection. It was an important historic work, and quite striking, and yet…what sort of message did it send to visitors?

She was still looking at the painting when she felt a sudden change in the air, and turned to find her Mother smiling at her from a landing above her. Or rather, she saw Bronya smiling at her, not the Cryo Archon. 

“Kollei, it has been some time since you visited. I have missed you,” Bronya said, gliding down the staircase. She was dressed in a long trailing pale blue gown, with a platinum tiara on her head. Kollei made to kneel, but Broyna tisked at her. “Stand and greet me properly, young lady.”

Blushing, Kollei hurried over to embrace her mother, the icy chill of her touch reassuring to her now. “I’ve missed you. How have you been?”

“Busy, of course. There is much work to do. But still, you seem to be in good health,” Bronya said, holding Kollei back and studying her. A frown creased Bronya’s lips, and she shook her head. “But what is this about you keeping one of His knights as a pet and companion?”

“Ah, that is what I am here to talk about,” Kollei admitted.

“Hmm, not the whole truth, but close enough I suspect. Come,” Bronya took Kollei’s arm, and together they stepped into her sitting room, where Bronya seated Kollei and conjured up bowls of ice cream for them. “Now, what is it you wish to speak of?”

“Well, um, I did take Amber prisoner…and quite a few others,” Kollei admitted. “I, um…I’ve been thinking…we should do a prisoner exchange.”

Bronya’s look was hooded as she carefully carved out a bit of Plombir flavored ice cream with her silver spoon and brought it to her lips. She waited until she’d swallowed to speak. “An exchange of prisoners. With that wretched wind sprite.”

“Well…his representatives, anyway. If you’re going to rule them, we have to establish your good will. And, well…the war has to end sometime. We have to open a dialogue for that. Negotiate. We don’t want to fight them forever, right?” Kollei asked nervously.

Bronya kept her eyes on her dessert, taking another bite, then setting her spoon down before she raised her eyes. “I would fight Barbatos until he is dead, or I am.”

Kollei’s heart sank, and she sagged in her seat. Would this all be for nothing?

“But. You raise a good point. I do, in fact, wish to be embraced by the people of Poland. These foolish Yankee mortals have joined the fight as well. Fine. Perhaps they tire of war. Words can wound as deeply as swords. You may have your bargaining. But I smell the scent of Dendro on you.  You have more to tell.”

“I…I asked Lord Buer to provide an intermediary to act as arbiter. A third party to help with negotiations,” Kollei admitted. “She’s neutral since she knew an entirely different Cryo Archon, which means she can’t be the same one you or…or the Anemo Archon knew.”

Bronya cocked her head to one side, tapping one finger on the table. Long moments ticked by, but Kollei refused to look away. At last, her mother nodded. “I accept your reasoning. I do not have strong feelings on this Buer. And as the God of Wisdom, her emissary will be well chosen. Very well.”

“You…you give your approval?” Kollei asked hopefully.

“Yes. Though our offensive will not pause, if you can negotiate a favorable exchange of prisoners, I will permit it. Those children who have fallen in battle can be returned to me, and those whom my forces have taken are a small price to pay. We will triumph in the end,” Bronya said dismissively. “Barbatos always was the weakest of the Seven.”

Springing to her feet, Kollei nodded eagerly. “Of course! I-I’ll see to it right away! Thank you, Mother!” 

Kollei quickly hugged Bronya and turned to go, only for her mother’s voice to stop her.

“Kollei. See to it that you do not grow overly fond of your pet. Barbatos is weak, but tricksome. Do not give in to his lies. Remember: I am the one who will always love you.”

“Yes, of course, Mother,” Kollei hastily agreed, then stepped out of the Dream and back into her body. Reluctantly, she let herself sleep and get some rest. She’d need it for the morning’s work.

This had to work it out. It just had to. 

Dark Legend of Potter Chapter 70

FRENCH COAST ROCKED BY NUCLEAR DETONATION: OFFICIALS CLAIM TERRORISTS RESPONSIBLE

Hermione lowered her copy of the Sun as Megumin grinned broadly at her and Yunyun covered her eyes with her hands. “I take it you had an interesting holiday in Avignon, then.” 

“Those foolish French wizards were NOT PREPARED for my arcane brilliance!” Megumin cackled, jumping up atop the bench and posing dramatically, until the Hogwarts Express lurched slightly and she nearly toppled over before Ron grabbed the back of her robes. 

“Seemed prepared enough for me. Wasn’t your uncle complaining that the entire family is now banned from Hawaii and France?” Ron commented. 

“Yes, but Uncle Vernon lacks all imagination and understanding of the importance of a young Crimson Demon’s development,” Megumin sniffed, earning her a loud groan from Yunyun. 

“Megumin, you promised me you wouldn’t blow up the French Countryside! We were having such a lovely holiday!” Yunyun said, tears in her eyes. 

“Yes, and I most definitely did not blow up the French Countryside. I blew up the Mediterranean, which is entirely different,” Megumin pointed out. 

Yunyun looked helplessly at the others in the car, raising her hands before her as if to say “you see what I have to put up with?”

“She’s got a point you know,” Ron said, earning him an exasperated look from Hermione. 

“The point being that she caused another international incident, and is now officially labeled as a terrorist,” Hermione said, folding her paper and putting it away. 

“Haha! I should write a letter to the muggle papers declaring myself as the CRIMSON TERROR, known far and wide as the foremost genius on Explosion Magic!” Megumin bragged. 

“Yeah, but you’d have to write it in French,” Ron pointed out, which caused both Yunyun and Hermione to groan and make faces. 

“True. I would never lower myself to converse in the Black Tongue,” Megumin mused. 

“Megumin, you spent WEEKS getting conversationally fluent in French before our trip and made sure to speak nothing BUT French while we were on Holiday!” Yunyun cried in utter exasperation as her cousin blushed mightily at the revelation that she had, in fact, consorted with the Frogs. 

“You did too, and yours was better than mine,” Megumin muttered, wincing when she realized she’d actually conceded two points to Yunyun on that front. 

“Then I’m going to declare victory and go find Lavender and Luna. They probably haven’t tried to cause a global thermonuclear exchange over Christmas,” Yunyun said, and left the compartment with a hangdog expression. 

There was quiet for a few minutes as Hermione read the rest of her newspaper and Megumin stewed, and Ron borrowed the funnies from Hermione and chuckled over them. This tranquility was eventually broken when Darkness stumbled into the room, red faced and out of breath. 

“Oh there you are, wondered if you’d missed the train,” Ron said, looking up from his comics. 

“Ah, no, I was just, um, visiting with other friends,” Darkness said, blushing and taking a seat beside Hermione. She glanced at the headlines, then at Megumin, frowning. “Again?”

“Of course! It is an annual tradition,” Megumin said proudly. 

“You’re going to break the statute of secrecy if you keep this up. We can’t keep obliviating muggles forever,” Hermione said, glancing up from the paper. 

“Pah! The entire world should be aware of my greatness and exploits. Why should it be limited to merely the magical community that I am the foremost genius of the Crimson Demon clan and Mistress of Explosion Magic!” Megumin bragged. 

“Hmm,” Ron said, rubbing his chin. “I dunno. If the muggles knew about magic, it would be bad.”

“Why?” Hermione asked, folding her paper and setting it on her lap. 

Ron blinked at her. “Er, they’d burn us at the stake.”

“Wendelin the Weird loved being burnt at the stake so much she was burned forty-seven times,”  Hermione said dryly. “I’d think we’d be fine.”

“Uh…because they’d want magical solutions to their problems?” Ron said, scratching at his head. 

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Yes, because heaven forbid that people want us to help them with their problems. We could probably do a tidy business selling them things we could make magically, and they could trade with us for things we have a harder time getting our hands-on, like decent telly and music. No offense to the Weird Sisters, but they’re no Spice Girls.”

“Well, it’s just…” Ron looked helplessly at Darkness, but she was frowning in thought.

“No, no, Hermione has a point. Honestly, I’ve had times when I saw a muggle I wanted to help because I just knew that magic could fix it up. Well, um, perhaps not my magic, but, you know. A potion or someone more handy with a wand,” Darkness mused. 

“But, you know, the Statute is…it’s important!” Ron said, turning to Megumin in desperation.

“A small-minded rule from a more archaic age. We shall usher in a new age of magic, one where the Crimson Demon clan leads us all into a glorious new age!” Megumin cackled enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, but not all of us are Crimson Demons,” Ron complained. “How would that even…oh no.”

Megumin’s eyes had begun to glow as Ron realized he had just made a most grievous error. Even worse, Hermione was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“But Ron,” Hermione practically purred. 

“-we have the ritual to CREATE Crimson Demons!” Megumin said. 

“Oh bloody hell,” Ron murmured. Darkness couldn’t help but wince in sympathy. 

And inside the pocket of Ron’s robe, a certain rat couldn’t help but shiver. 

Meanwhile, back at the castle: 

The newspaper slapped down atop Dumbledore’s desk, and he took a moment to adjust his glasses before picking it up. He sighed heavily, before looking up at the glare of Minerva McGonagall. “Yes, I am familiar with the paper’s contents. I suppose that is what brings you all here today?”

“Albus, this cannot continue!” Professor Sprout said, wringing her hands. “The French Ministry is up in arms about this, not to mention all the trouble the muggles are causing!”

Flitwick sighed and removed his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. “We cannot simply expel her, but something has to be done about Miss Potter. In particular…”

“An assurance that she does not, in fact, blow up the school again this year,” Snape said grimly. The others all looked faintly green but nodded in agreement. 

Steepling his fingers before him, Dumbledore nodded once. “Yes. I just finished with a meeting of the Wizengamot. To say that the international community is not best pleased is an…understatement. They even threatened to cancel the Tri-Wizard tournament, but I convinced them that exposure to other cultures for Miss Potter would only be to their benefit.”

“Oh Sweet Merlin. Albus, please tell me you have a way to ensure that girl doesn’t end up as a champion,” McGonagall groaned, putting a hand to her forehead at the very thought of such a thing. 

“I will be employing an Age Line and several other measures. One of which is that the cup is very firmly instructed to reject the name of Megumin Potter,” Albus stated, earning him a sigh of relief from the heads of house. “But that is a matter for another day. For now, I have a plan to engage Megumin in a suitably diverting activity that should keep her out of our proverbial hair for several weeks. In fact, I do believe the mastermind is arriving just now.”

The gargoyle at the back of the room leapt out of the way, as Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks voices echoed up the staircase. 

“Well, if you won’t tell him, I will!” Tonks was saying. “I’ve got nothing to hide!”

“Yes, well, I’m simply saying that perhaps now isn’t the best time…”

“Well, you’re at least going to talk to my-” Tonks froze as they entered the room, Remus stiffening behind her as they realized they weren’t alone with Dumbledore. “-boss. Megumin is enough of a problem as it is.” 

“Yes, well, perhaps you had better tell him we have the situation in hand before she ends up in Azkaban. Though the little maniac would probably love it,” Remus coughed, looking embarrassed. 

“Ah, I see you have enlisted Miss Tonks to help you in your endeavors, excellent,” Dumbledore said with an extra bit of twinkle and a knowing grin. “I was just saying you had a plan to keep Miss Potter occupied most thoroughly for the next several weeks.”

“Quite,” Remus agreed, hastening forward and putting a roll of parchment on the headmaster’s desk, which he quickly unrolled. “You see, I was entrusted by her parents with a special legacy to leave to Megumin. The first were a series of photo albums, but the last is a collection of memorabilia they left for her.”

“Please tell me none of those items can be used to create Explosions,” Sprout groaned. 

Remus hesitated and glanced at Tonks, who coughed. “Er, certain items were…removed. For safe keeping. In the Ministry vault of Forbidden and Dangerous Artefacts.”

“Lily and James certainly were lively,” Flitwick said with a heavy sigh. “Morgana rest their souls, but I can only imagine the terror their daughter would raise if they’d raised her…”

Snape went even paler than he normally was, while Dumbledore stroked his beard and looked rather disturbed at the very notion. McGonagall had to sit down and fan herself, with Sprout helping. 

“Well, ah, that prospect aside, Tonks and I have spent the last two weeks concocting a plan to keep Megumin and her friends busy, and also hopefully teach them several important life lessons,” Remus said, pointing to various points on the map. He proceeded to lay out his plans for the elaborate, multi-stage treasure hunt that involved several very complex puzzles as well as several challenging combat encounters worthy of any DM trying to kill a party of over-eager munchkins.

“That’s nice, but I do have a single pressing concern,” Flitwick said, raising his eyebrows at the map.

“Yes! What if they get hurt? They’re only children!” Sprout said worriedly. 

The others regarded her in disbelief. “Then hopefully they’ll learn a very valuable lesson and calm down,” McGonagall said flatly. 

“Or we just have Aqua heal them,” Tonks pointed out. 

“I’m more worried about the fact that several of these problems seem to be easily solvable with a massive detonation, if one were a reckless young witch,” Flitwick said, sounding rather exasperated. 

“Oh, that. Well, I’ll emphasize the treasure is very delicate, and that she has to proceed with caution or risk its destruction,” Lupin said with a serious nod. “She won’t chance the treasure being destroyed just to use an Explosion.”

This really went to show that Lupin hadn’t learned yet that, to Megumin, the real treasure was the apocalyptic spellcraft you unleashed along the way. 

“That should hopefully curb her more manic tendencies and get the little red-eyed menace to learn how to solve problems like a reasonable person,” Tonks said with a heavy sigh who also hadn’t quite learned yet that Megumin’s first impulse was explosions. 

“Don’t bet on it,” Snape muttered darkly, as he had more experience with the CDC than most. 

“-and if all else fails, we are starting the semester with Miss Potter’s wand in my custody,” McGonagall said with a sniff. “If the Ministry won’t do its due diligence, I will.”

“She was supposedly attacked by a quinotaur. Yunyun collaborated Megumin’s story, but there wasn’t enough remains to prove anything one way or another, so it was ruled that even if her firepower was excessive, Megumin had the right to defend herself,” Tonks said, rubbing her hand through her hair as it went through a kaleidoscope of reds and oranges. 

“We shall endeavor to educate Miss Potter that such spells are only to be used against the direst of threats,” Dumbledore said gravely. “And even then, when one is indoors, it is best to scale the spell to match the circumstances. You have my approval to confiscate Miss Potter’s wand, to be used only during classwork, for the next three weeks.”

“You’re going to have to be more creative. You know that Lily managed to learn Wandless Magic in a fortnight when you tried the same on her for lighting Gryffindor Tower on fire in her sixth year,” Snape sneered. 

“She’s only 13,” Sprout pointed out. “How could she possibly learn wandless magic in-”

“If you finish that sentence, I am not only going to blame you for the following catastrophe, I am going to spend the rest of our careers telling you ‘I told you so,’ Pomona,” Flitwick groaned. 

“Not to mention that dear Professor Mizu has been teaching them how to make druidic staffs,” McGonnagal sighed. “I do wish she’d pick better times and subjects to be knowledgeable about.”

“She’d never get the same amount of magical flow out of a staff than that monstrosity she calls a wand, so that’s a small mercy at least,” Flitwick sighed. He pulled out a pocket watch and flicked it open, then shook his head. “They’ll be here in less than an hour, so I suppose we’d best get prepared.”

“Then plan Treasure Hunt is a go?” Lupin asked, and the others nodded.

“Just see to it that you keep an eye on her,” Snape snapped. 

“I’ve got my best man on the job,” Lupin promised. Which would be true in more ways than one in just a few months. 

After having her wand confiscated even before she’d made it to the Great Hall, Megumin was stewing in her bed and plotting revenge from under her covers. 

“You did ask for it you know,” Hermione pointed out, doing her best to commiserate with Megumin but failing rather miserably. “Especially when you offered to ‘demonstrate’ your method to Kazuma.”

“You probably shouldn’t blow up the school again,” Darkness added, rubbing Megumin’s back. “At least not unless Voldemort returns somehow.” 

“He’s done it two years running,” Lavender pointed out from her own bed. “That’s why I’m certain Sirius Black will show up before the end of the year and do something horrid. But this time, I’m prepared!” She held up the amulet of True Silver Aqua had given her. “This is sure to save me!” 

“Sirius Black isn’t a werewolf,” Hermione said with a roll of her eyes. “What’s that going to do?””

“When he’s looking at it, I will take Lady Aqua’s advice and kick him in the jimmies before running away! Lady Aqua says it’s not wrong to run away if you’re scared, sometimes, running away is being really brave!” Lavender huffed. 

This did seem to rouse Megumin enough to poke her head up from beneath her quilt. “Do not fear, Lavender! I will have Chunchumaru back ere long, just in time for Sirius Black to show himself as the traitor who killed my parents, and take my long deserved revenge! I shall unleash my mightiest Explosion magic, and lay waste to him!” 

Darkness shot Hermione a concerned look, but Hermione just shrugged. “Honestly, if a murderous Death Eater who killed your parents does show up, I think that probably is the right time for an Explosion. Unless we’re in the basement again, of course.”

“I have learned my lesson,” Megumin said airly. “Explosions are to take place in the open air only. Unless circumstances are exceptionally-”

“NO!” Darkness and Hermione said at the same time, with Hermione going so far as to grab a pillow and smack Megumin with it. 

“Fine! I’ll use another, slightly less destructive spell. Or perhaps a potion,” Megumin grumbled. “But my search for Sirius Black will continue, that I may wreck my terrible vengeance!” 

It was with that dire pronouncement (and Hermione muttering “It’s wreak”) that Sirius Black padded into the girls dormitory with a message tube in his mouth. Fortunately for him, as he was an adorable shaggy dog at the time, he got squeals of delight and much pettings instead of a scolding and shrieks of outrage. 

“Blackie! What have you brought for us this time, boy?” Megumin cried, her malaise forgotten as she leapt out of bed and eagerly grabbed the slobber covered tube as the rest of the girls crowded around. 

“Well, open it! What does it say?!” Lavender asked eagerly. 

With great ceremony, Megumin slowly popped it open while the other girls looked on and gave Blackie a belly rub. Unrolling the parchment within, Megumin’s eyes dashed over it as she read aloud. 

To our dearest daughter, the future Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan (HA! Even my parents know my greatness at such a young age!), 

The last we leave you are the treasures of the Crimson Demon Clan. We have placed them into the hands of our most beloved companions, that they might distribute them in your time of need. Though it pains us to say it, we know from the Prophecy that was told at your birth that one of our friends will betray us. Which of them, we know not. But we have left clues that may help you unravel this mystery and claim glorious vengeance in our names! For this quest, you will need the companions foretold by destiny at your side, including your cousin, who will surely one day lead the Crimson Demon Clan to Glory. 

For the first stage of your journey, heed the wisdom of the one who brought you this letter, for they are surely one of our truest companions, and not the traitor. 

Signed, Lily Scarlet and James Prongs Potter, Foremost parents of the Crimson Demon Clan

“There’s a second parchment,” Hermione said, tapping the tube and pulling out a much newer sheet of parchment, on which was a map fragment. It had only some vague geometric lines and a key to show north, along with what looks like some trees, and an inscription.  

Where the greatest giant died, stand where its shadow pointed at the death of day, and there you will find your treasure.

Megumin quickly passed the map to Darkness, who studied it curiously. “Well, I have to figure out what the greatest giant is first, but I can probably find this location.”

“It’s a tree, duh,” Megumin immediately said, and Hermione nodded. 

Blackie let out a soft whimper. He had been hoping it would take Megumin more than half a second to solve that riddle. They’d worked hard on those, dammit! He should have known better, really, much to his own irritation. 

“So we have to find where the tallest tree fell and stand in its shadow at sunset. But that does give rise to the problem that shadows move throughout the year as the angle of the sun changes,” Hermione pointed out.

Blackie’s ears drooped further. They did!?

“Obviously, but that will at least give us a starting point, and we can calculate where the tree’s shadow would have fallen. Probably on the Winter Solstice, as that’s the most obvious time for the death of day,” Megumin said with a nod.

Blackie lay down and covered his eyes with his paws. These kids…they would be the death of him. 

Or more hopefully a certain rat. 

“We could just ask Professor Lupin,” Hermione pointed out. “But that feels like cheating.”

“But it wasn’t Lupin who brought it, it was Blackie. I bet he was really Megumin’s parents' fondest companion and loyal friend!” Lavender said eagerly.

Blackie sat up and barked happily. He knew that these smart kids were the best!

“Don’t be dumb, Blackie’s not an ancient dog. He’d have to be at least 13 to have been around when Megumin was born,” Hermione pointed out rather logically. 

Blackie gave her a wounded look, then padded over and enthusiastically licked Lavender’s face to show he agreed with her. 

“He he, see? He thinks I’m right! Who’s a good dog, eh?” Lavender said, rubbing Blackie’s ears enthusiastically. 

“There is no time to waste! Let us depart!” Megumin declared, rushing to get dressed, as they were all in their nightgowns. 

“Megumin, it’s pitch black outside. We’ll need to wait for daylight at least,” Darkness said in exasperation. 

“Yes, and freezing cold out to boot with several feet of snow. We’d best wait for tomorrow. Not all of us can see in the dark like cats,” Hermione pointed out. 

“Hmph. Fine. But at dawn, we ride!” Megumin declared, posing dramatically with her giant witches hat on her head.

Blackie thumped his tail and barked, then turned around and headed out to sleep in the Common Room. 

Not on the furniture. He feared what McGonagall would do to him if she caught him sleeping on the couch, no matter what form he was in. 

“In the morning,” Darkness agreed with a yawn. “Good night, then.”

They all went to bed, where Megumin dreamed of grand adventures with her parents, where they all cast Explosion together. Fortunately for the world, she was the only Crimson Demon with that particular obsession. 

The Second Archon War: Superbia Hominum 11

Superbia Hominum 11: The Sweet Slow Poison

Snow flashed instantly to steam as another barrage from Eidolon’s lasers hit the ground, and the Fatui capes cried out in pain from the superheated air that boiled them alive. Several collapsed on the spot, while the rest were cut down by automatic rifle fire from Hannah. A dozen enemy combatants, all with Delusions, cut down in moments. 

But it wasn’t enough. 

Turning, Eidolon fired another laser blast, this time directly at his opponent. To his frustration, the attack connected, but the image of the Thief simply popped like morning mist, revealing it to simply be yet another ice mirror clone. 

Not that this fact did poor Grenadine any good. She lay in a pool of blood, trying to stuff her entrails back into her body. Not even nineteen yet, and she was going to die on a bloody battlefield in Europe as so many poor American children had done before her. 

Then one of the Knights of Favonius ran up to Grenadine. He was a frumpy old man with glasses, but he wore a sword and tabard and leather armor. He knelt by Grenadine, and his electro-vision glowed. A moment later, she passed out, but her wound was mended. Eidolon would have to thank Sir Leon later. At least he wouldn’t have to write Grenadine’s parents to tell them how brave their daughter had been. 

Still, Eidolon couldn’t allow himself to be distracted. There were still a dozen different Anatolys spreading chaos and destruction across the battlefield. Any of them could be the real one, or none of them could. The Thief preferred to strike from the shadows as ever, and Eidolon was about the only cape that Latvia, the Protectorate, or the Knights of Favonius could deploy here that had a hope of countering a Harbinger. 

He blew apart three more Cryo illusions, but the Fatui were retreating. He was half tempted to pursue, but he looked around at his beleaguered forces. Hannah was still on her feat and ready to fight, but Sir Leon hadn’t been able to save all their fallen. A dozen good capes were dead in the mud, half of them Protectorate. Too many were like Grenadine, barely graduated from the Wards. 

And that wasn’t even mentioning the hundreds of dead and wounded Latvian soldiers and PRT troopers, mixed in with even more dead Fatui. Another attack beaten off, but the defenders were too exhausted and drained to attempt a counterattack. 

“Regroup, and reinforce those trenches,” Eidolon gasped. “Miss Militia, on me. Let’s check the rest of the front.”

They fought three more skirmishes up and down the line around Riga that resulted in more dead on both sides. The defenders were stubborn but bloodied, while it seemed the Fatui had an endless supply of capes to throw at them. They were holding at last, but for how long? Things couldn’t keep going like this. 

“Damn the Tsaritsa,” Hannah growled, looking out at a highway full of burned out cars. There were corpses as well, not all of them military. Too many had been caught in the sudden violence of the all-out assault across Eastern Europe, from Poland in the south to Estonia in the sorth. Not that there was much of Estonia left. There were holdouts in Tallinn, but most of the country had fallen in mere days. There had been barely a dozen capes in all of Estonia, and over one hundred Fatui with Delusions had assaulted them. It had been a slaughter. Only Eidolon and the Protectorate had salvaged the dire situation in Latvia.

Well, and the Knights of Favonius. 

“Hey. Think they’re done for the day?” a tired-sounding woman with antlers asked, stumbling up to them. Yennifer had a bandage around her left thigh that had a brown stain on it, but she was still on her feet. 

“Day?” Hannah said with a snort. “Probably. No promises about tonight. You know how they love their night assaults.” 

“Oh joy. Night fighting. My favorite. Definitely what I studied in law school,” Yennifer groaned, flopping down in the trench beside Eidolon. She groaned and put her leg up on a crate of ammunition, closing her eyes. 

“Need a hand with that?” Eidolon asked, eyeing the wound.

Yennifer shook her head, her antlers rattling slightly as she did so. “No. It’s fine. It’s from some freaking barbed wire we put up. Got tangled in it like the stupid deer I am. Freaking useless powers of mine.”

Hannah and Eidolon were polite enough not to agree. Yennifer was a parahuman with the distinctly unimpressive ability to grow antlers that could burst into flame. She could pluck them and throw them at her enemies, and they’d regrow, but it wasn’t exactly a top class Blaster power. The PRT had her down as a Blaster 2, and that was probably being generous. The rifle she had slung on her back with elemental ammunition was probably more dangerous. 

“We don’t have you here because you’re a good fighter. You’re a damn good organizer and leader. You’ve kept the Knights in the fight. Leon and the others have saved a lot of lives,” Eidolon told her matter of factly. 

“Gee thanks. Polite way of saying they sent you the old farts and the vunderkind. While the Protectorate sent us freaking Eidolon. Strongest cape in the US of A,” Yennifer said, cracking open one eye. 

“You’re French. You didn’t even have to come. The Mousquetaires haven’t even mobilized,” Hannah pointed out. “But you did.”

“I’ve got dual citizenship,” Yennifer said dismissively. “Plus I know Barbatos personally. I volunteered. Well, why don’t you two get some rack time. And don’t give me that noctus cape BS. Even noctus capes need a rest. Especially with those things.”

Yennifer nodded to the Delusions Eidolon and Hannah had strapped to their arms. Geo for him, Cryo for her. They did take a lot out of them, more than using their parahuman powers did for certain. But the benefits they provided were so great that it was worth the extra wear and tear. 

Still, Eidolon felt like he could sleep for a week. That was probably just the endless combat over the past week. Along with seeing so many dead. 

“If this is what the end of the world is like…” Eidolon muttered, shaking his head. Hannah shot him a look, but Yennifer laughed darkly. 

“That’s what it feels like, isn’t it? The White Witch and her misfit minions invade from the East, and Christendom is under siege from pagans once again. Maybe this is Armageadon.”

“No. It’s not even a prelude,” Hannah said, standing. “We’ll take you up on that rack time. You’re getting some yourself, right, Yen?” 

The Knight Captain waved them off. “Enough. Besides, I’m not one of our heavy hitters, far from it. You’ve only got about four hours until sundown. After that we’ll need you again when the Thief makes his inevitable night attack.”

Hannah offered him a hand, and Eidolon took it, rising to his feet with a grunt. “Thanks. Keep at it, Yen.” 

They walked off together, too tired even to fly to the barracks, which was half a click away. Eidolon hadn’t let go of Hannah’s hand, and they slogged through the muck and grim almost as if it were a romantic date instead of a catalog of horrors. 

“Can we really trust the Knights? They serve an Archon as well,” Hannah pointed out quietly. 

Eidolon shrugged. “A mostly useless one. Barbados hasn’t really done much of note, besides duel a supposed Endbringer. He spends his time singing and bar crawling. Besides, without them, we’d have already collapsed. We haven’t had time to fully mobilize.”

“True. I just can’t bring myself to trust them,” Hannah said with a sigh. “But the enemy of my enemy…”

“Is probably my enemy too. Just not the pressing one. The Knight’s time will come. But after we deal with the Tsaritsa,” Eidolon growled. 

They went a little further before Hannah let go of his hand and ran off to the ditch at the side of the road to spew. He went over to rub her back, though it didn’t do much with her wearing her armor. More of the thought than anything practical. 

“Ugh, sorry. I guess you must think I’m a weakling,” Hannah gasped, taking the canteen Eidolon offered her to clear the bile from her mouth. 

“No. I feel like puking most days too. There’s been too much death. I saw Grenadine get her guts ripped out by the Thief earlier. Felt like upchucking then,” Eidolon admitted. 

“Yeah. I guess. I think I have a bug or something though. I’ll get checked out by the doc when we get back. Can’t afford to have the flu when we know the Fatui are going to attack again at any time,” Hannah muttered. 

They flew the rest of the way, with Eidolon parting ways with Hannah to get a hot shower before meeting her at the mess hall for a meal, and then some sleep. He hoped it wasn’t anything serious. Even if Hannah wasn’t one of the Protectorate Elite like himself or Legend, she was still a powerful and versatile cape. Not to mention it hurt him more to see her in pain than even seeing a dozen others die. He really was smitten with her. 

The shower washed off the grime at least, and Eidolon grabbed two meals when Hannah messaged him she’d be a little late, as the line for the medics was long as always. The food was actually pretty good; while the US armed forces might be a shadow of their former selves, no one did logistics like Uncle Sam. Dinner was ham with mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and a cookie. It wasn’t fine dining, but it was filling, nutritious, and not bad for cafeteria fare. 

It was still warm when Hannah met him on the roof to eat. She landed silently, her expression dazed, and Eidolon felt a pang of concern. “Everything OK? It’s not serious, is it?”

“No, I’m not even sick. Not really,” Hannah said, taking the tray but not eating. She stared off towards the Baltic, which was an iron grey under the cloud cover. The air was chilly, as it always was these days, and with the Tsaritsa’s Blizzard only a few kilometers distant, snow was an all too likely prospect. 

“Hannah? What’s going on?” Eidolon said gently, setting his tray down and taking her hand. He gave it a squeeze, and she turned, giving him a pained smile as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. 

“Sorry,” she sniffed, and Eidolon embraced her, squeezing hard. 

“Whatever it is, we’ll face it, together,” he told her, but he was feeling a rising sense of panic. Were her powers running out like his were going to do? Did she have some sort of horrible illness? Cancer? He could only imagine the worst.

She hugged him back tightly for a moment, dismissing Armory so that he could feel the heat of her body through the thin fabric she wore underneath. She shivered slightly, and David hastily took off the jacket he’d thrown out to wrap it about her. 

After a few moments, she picked up her tray and took a few bites, closing her eyes. At last, she opened them and said. “I was pregnant.”

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Then David felt as though everything was spinning, and an overwhelming sense of vertigo struck him. He gasped for breath, and tears entered his own eyes. “Were…pregnant? Oh God. Hannah. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not all your fault. What we were doing…well. We weren’t exactly using protection very consistently,” Hannah half sobbed, half laughed as she clung to him. 

“Did the doctor…did they say why you lost the baby?” David asked, already trying to mourn the child he’d never known.

“Lost…David, I just took Plan C. It was early stages. I took mifepristone and misoprostol. I’m going to have a hell of a period soon, but I wanted to-”

David shoved Hannah away, horror filling his body. “You…you took an abortion pill!? Why!?” 

She blinked at him, then anger darkened her expression. “Why?! WHY!? THAT’S FUCKING WHY!” She pointed to the storm wall, a snarl on her face. “Because we’re in an active warzone for who knows how long! I can’t afford to be pregnant now! And fucking hell, what kind of a person would I be if I brought a child into this shit?! We both know the world is fucking ending, so why the FUCK would I have a child knowing they’re all too likely to die!” 

“Why didn’t you tell me this before you took the pill?!” David demanded, anger flushing his face as well now.  “Jesus, Hannah, I’ve always been pro-life, and now-”

“Oh of COURSE you fucking are! Well it’s my body, my-” Hannah gasped and doubled over, clutching her abdomen. Panic surged in David, and he reached out to touch her shoulder. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She snarled, batting his hand away and straightening up. Her armor reappeared, wrapping her in alien metal. “I’m going back to the doc. They told me I should just hang out overnight anyway. Don’t fucking try and come by.”

Then she jumped into the air and flew away, leaving David alone with two cooling meals. He looked down at them, then screamed in rage and kicked the trays away, spraying food everywhere. He knelt in the mess, clutching at his head, crying out in distress and pain so deep he thought he would die. This was even worse than when he’d first taken a vial. 

My own child! She killed my own child! Oh God, what have I done?! I have sinned…

Bellowing in rage, Eidolon grabbed for whatever powers he could and rose up into the air, then barreled forward towards the storm, right at the Fatui encampment he knew was there. He arrived in moments, even as their interceptors raced to stop him. 

Snarling, Eidolon simply blew them out of the sky with a combo of powers so intense that it was like the air itself was rent asunder. More. He needed more! He drew deeply on his Geo Delusion to create a barrier about himself as he absorbed their return fire, then rained hell and death down on the Fatui below him. He should have done this long ago. He blotted that camp from existence in seconds, and he could only hope that he got the Thief in the carnage. 

But the camp wasn’t the only one. The Fatui were spread out, and they had a great many capes. Hundreds. Soon the air was filled with blasts of elemental energy and parahuman powers, battering Eidolon on all sides. He didn’t care. Couldn’t care. He traded in the Blaster powers for something more visceral as his continued usage drained them rapidly. Striker powers. 

Now he closed in on the Fatui and ripped them apart with his bare hands that glowed with power. He felt the pain as they fought back, felt limbs blow off and his flesh melt. He didn’t care. He drew deeply on Brute powers and the Geo Delusion to repair himself faster than they could harm him and slaughtered them like lambs. 

It lasted for half an hour. And then, slowly at first, but with increasing rapidity, weariness began to crawl into Eidolon’s bones, even as he took on a new suite of powers and continued his slaughter. The Fatui were in full blown retreat now. He’d killed a dozen of Anatoly’s clones, but the man himself had failed to appear, of course. Eidolon’s one man crusade was unstoppable!

But…that ache. That wasn’t just in his bones. It was in his very being. His soul was in agony. At first he thought it was just his grief at the news that the woman he thought he’d loved had just killed their child. But it was something more. All at once, it was too much. Eidolon collapsed, falling out of the sky, impacting in a snowdrift and laying there, agony in every fiber of his being. But he was too exhausted to move, paralyzed save for the spasms that wracked him. 

He didn’t even hear the soft crunch of snow, and only a pain filled haze let him see it when Anatoly loomed over him, his hook-nosed mask lowered so that Eidolon could see his eyes. 

You cause me quite a headache there. Do you have any idea how many of my men you killed? Doesn’t matter. The great Eidolon. At my feet. I will take great pleasure in killing you, the Harbinger hissed, drawing his gun. The barrel pointed right at Eidolon’s forehead, and all he could see was the blessed release in that endless chasm. 

STOP. 

Anatoly froze, his finger already on the trigger. A new form appeared, even as Eidolon was too exhausted to even blink. Out of the mist and snow, a shimmering specter appeared. 

The Ice Queen. The Tsaritsa. 

“Your Beneficence, I was simply going to-” Anatoly began, but he was silenced by a single raised finger. 

I AM AWARE OF YOUR INTENTIONS, MY THIEF. YOU HAVE MANAGED TO BUNGLE THIS SIMPLE TASK GREATLY. HUNDREDS OF MY CHILDREN LIE DEAD. 

“A small price to pay to kill the Protectorate’s greatest hero. After his death, nothing will stop me from conqueroring Riga in your name! I-”

FALL BACK AND REGROUP, MY THIEF. THIS DAY WAS STOLEN FROM YOU. MARK IT WELL. 

“But Eidolon-”

IS NOT YOUR CONCERN. DO YOU DISOBEY ME BY TARRYING WHEN I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY ORDERS?

Anatoly fixed Eidolon with a gaze so full of venom it should have struck him dead. Then he bowed, and vanished into the mists. 

The Tsaritsa knelt, and to Eidolon’s horror, the shimmer about her faded. Leaving not an ice sculpture, but a woman. She was here in the flesh. He was dead. Or worse.

“David, your grief…it is my grief. To kill an innocent, unborn child…there can be no greater crime,” the Tsaritsa said gently, reaching down to stroke David’s forehead. To his horror, his pain began to ease, and his weariness faded. Strength began to creep back into his limbs. What was she doing to him?

“How could you…” David began, then gritted his teeth. No. No information for this bitch.

“Know? The stars spoke of your son, Joseph. And of his being snuffed out,” Bronya said tenderly, kneeling in the snow. She positioned David’s head on her lap, smoothing away his sweat-soaked hair. “I am sorry. If I could have warned you…I would have. The sin is not yours, but Hannah’s.”

Tears began to flow down David’s cheeks, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Joseph…it was my father’s name. I would…I would have named my firstborn son…”

“I know. Your filial piety does you homage, David. Would that your love had found a more worthy target,” Bronya sighed, giving him a sad smile. A hand went to her own abdomen. “As for me…I am now a god. My womb will be forever barren. My children are not of my flesh, not of my bone. And can never be so. That was taken from me before I knew the cost I paid.”

“Why…why are you doing this? Telling me this?! We are enemies!” David cried, putting a forearm to his face to try to stem the tide of his grief, but failing uselessly. 

“Only for a time. Fate has already written your story, David. I do not understand all of it, not yet. There are strange shadows there. But the time draws near when your constellation and mine shall at last overlap,” Bronya told him gently.

“Never,” David growled, struggling to sit up. He was still as weak as a kitten, and a breeze could have blown him over. If the Tsaritsa had stretched out a hand, he would have fallen back into her lap. But she let him go. “I will never…”

“You are yet mortal, David. Mortals are ever changing. We gods are not. Our natures are frozen, our Fates predetermined. We cannot fight it. Only you mortals can. Which is why I need you. Need you to alter this world’s Fate from the destruction it faces. Only you at my side can save these foolish children from their own sin, save from from killing their own children with their folly,” Bronya told him quietly. 

David’s heart seized up, and a coughing fit racked him. He fell on his hands and knees in front of Bronya to his horror. He did not wish to worship her. If he had the strength, he would have killed her. Even gods could die. 

Cold fingers reached out to him, and David tried to flinch back. Instead, Bronya grabbed his wrist, then detached the Delusion. “You have been overusing my Boon. I should have warned you. Power comes at a price. Especially this sort.”

“What…what do you mean?” David gasped, but already he felt better. Like a leech had been plucked from him, and now at last he could regain his strength.

“A Delusion taxes the body as well as the soul. If certain precautions are taken, this can be alleviated. It should have fed upon your demon instead of you, but as your demon is dead, and rapidly weakening, it has also taken a portion of its strength from you. Not so much as to be fatal, but I am afraid you have lost a decade of life in the short time you have used it,” Bronya stated, handing him back the Delusion.

Staring at the Amber gem in horror, David felt an overwhelming sense of nausea. He turned to the side, retching and heaving as his stomach emptied itself. A soothing hand rubbed his back, and for a delirious moment, he thought Hannah was there with him. Then he shuddered as he realized who it had to be. 

“Don’t, don’t touch me,” Eidolon gasped, spitting away the sick and shrugging off Bronya’s hand. 

“A hound must know the hand of his master. You will come to crave my caress one day,” Bronya told him, which made Eidolon snarl at her. “Down, boy. I speak to David, not to his Delusion. When I take this form, I must be honest with you.”

“I am not…Eidolon is who I am! Who I must be!” he snarled, backing away on all fours from mer. 

“I pray not. For if that is the case, you will sit in glory at the right hand of the Sustainer as his greatest tool in the subjugation and destruction of Mankind,” Bronya said, real grief in her voice. “I must pray you do not take that path.”

“I…what? Lies! Nothing but lies!” Eidolon snarled, but he knew. He knew. She was speaking the truth. His very soul, tattered and blackened as it was, confirmed it. 

Bronya shook her head, her expression grim. “Not between us. Never between us, David. For us, there is only Love, and Truth. One day, you shall be my Masked Specter. But you must put the mask and leash on willingly. Else all will be for naught. Come to me soon, my beloved. Come to me, that you might be the Savior you have always known yourself to be. Not the villain the world will call you. For I know your heart, David. And it is good.”

“I will never serve you,” David hissed. He turned, staggering off away from Bronya. To his shock, he didn’t have to go more than 100 yards before he exited the mists, stumbling out into a muddy, wartorn hellscape. 

He blinked, looking up at the sky, which was clear and full of stars. He could even see the Milky Way. How long had he been gone? It had been midafternoon when he’d left, hadn’t it?

For nearly an hour, he slipped and stumbled through torn up forests, until he found a bombed out village and managed to find a muddy track. He hadn’t gone far along that when a black shape dropped out of the sky. He tried to call upon his powers, but he was too exhausted, unable to get even the spark of power.

“David!? David! Oh God, I thought I’d lost you!” Hannah cried, and wrapped her arms about him. 

Her murdering, bloody arms. 

“I…’m fine,” he mumbled. “Just…shoulda done that…a long time ago.”

“You stupid, arrogant, prideful prick,” Hannah half laughed, half sobbed. “You can’t take on all the Fatui on your own and win! At least, not again. Shit, David, they’ve fallen back! More than twenty miles! It’s…it’s our first real victory!” 

But her words were becoming nothing but buzzing in David’s ears as he slipped into unconsciousness. 

The last thing he saw before his mind was overwhelmed by fatigue and pain was Hannah’s face. 

And all he could think was that his only child was dead.

But unfortunately for the world, the unborn Joseph was outlived by five of his siblings. The world would yet weep at the coming of the children of Eidolon for years to come. 

Mavuika Preview Chapter: Sol Invictus

Sol Invictus 0: Blazing Heart 

Snarling, the beast leapt forward, jaws snapping for the back of the little girl as she ran, screaming and bloodied away, from it. With a roar of his own, Diego kept his aim steady and let fly with a three-round burst. The first elemental round was Hydro, the second Electro, the last, Dendro. The reaction slowed the Rifthound, but didn’t stop it. He kept firing, walking forward and pumping as many rounds as he could into the creature, until the bolt slammed back on an empty magazine. Thankfully, the last bullet caused the creature to let out a keening cry, then collapse back into the Void from whence it came. 

Rapidly reloading, Diego picked up the child, then looked down the street, where more Rifthound cries were coming between the stalled cars. He grimaced, seeing the bodies lying there in pools of blood, as well as the various Abyssal monsters coming. Clutching the child to him, Diego turned and ran for all he was worth back up the street. 

“Dios te salve, María, llena eres de gracia, El Señor es contigo,” he panted, holding the girl close as he ran for the rally point, feeling her hot tears against his chest as his rifle thumped against his back on its strap. 

To his horror, one of those masked giants appeared, crackling with abyssal power. The human defenders cried out in shock and tried to fight back, but the thing slammed its fists into them, pasting two into the concrete, and sending others flying. 

Desperately, Diego tried to grab for his rifle with one hand, while holding tight to his precious burden. 

Then a bolt from the blue slammed down into the abyssal giant, and Diego’s heart lept in his chest. A cape! So some of Los Valientes were still alive and fighting then. The parahuman was some sort of Alexandria type, a flying brick who was able to exchange a flurry of blows with the giant. Diego pumped a few rounds into the creature’s back, useless as that felt, and in a few moments, the creature was dead, the parahuman pulping the creature’s skull before it dissolved into purple goo.

Then Diego caught a good look at the cape’s uniform, and his face, and acid disgust replaced hope. “You! What the fuck are you doing here, Carlo?” 

His damned stepbrother stood, hair perfect as always, and had the temerity to grin at Diego. “Why, I thought you’d be happy to see me, brother. It looks like you could use the help, no?”

Tamping down his temper, Diego gritted his teeth and swallowed his angry words before replying. “I can. Mexico can. I am sorry, I spoke in haste. You saved my life, again. I just…does that mean the Protectorate is here?”

Carlo had the good grace to look ashamed, and he shook his head once. “If they are, I am it. Sorry. The Abyss is attacking Phoenix, Los Alamos, El Paso, Honolulu…it’s bad. But, when I heard your call for help…well. I am still a son of Mexico.”

“About time you remembered that,” Diego growled, unable to hold back all of his temper. He looked at the destroyed outpost and shook his head. “Pedro! We’re pulling back! We can’t hold them here any longer. There’s too many coming.”

The old farmer swore, glancing around. His right arm was bloodied and hanging limp, and the bandage around his head was soaked red. “But there’s nowhere else to fall back to, boss! This is the last point before-”

“I know,” Diego said, weariness filling him. He handed the sniffling girl off to Pedro. “Take her. You’re in no fit shape to fight.”

Pedro accepted the child, but didn’t look best pleased. “I can still fight! I’ve got one arm left. If we pull back though, what about the other refugees? Surely there are more survivors.”

Diego let out a bitter laugh, and glanced back, to where the rest of his men were firing on another wave of abyssal monsters, mostly the little ones this time. “There’s no more survivors. Not here. Pull back to the stadium. Tell everyone to fall back to the final barricades. If we have even a single gap in our lines, they’ll come pouring in.”

They began to pull back, firing as they went whenever another abyssal monster popped up. Carlo was everywhere, using his fists or the glowing tinkertech sword he had to put down the monsters. Even so, they lost half a dozen more men in the fight through the short handful of blocks to Estadio Azteca, with Abyssal creatures popping out left and right. Most of their illumination came from flickering street lights or fires, as the sky had gone completely dark purple, even though it was supposed to be close to noon. 

There was a lull in the fighting as they approached the stadium, which was surrounded by hastily erected barricades. There was little in the way of military hardware, though Diego did see a burned-out APC with the corpses of soldiers scattered around it. Their weapons were gone of course, scavenged by the living, along with their armor, so the bodies were mostly naked. 

“Shit,” Carlo growled, landing next to Diego in a gust of air. “Where are Los Valientes? Where’s the fucking military, or even the police?!”

“Dead,” Diego said, spitting a wad of phlegm into the dust. “Why do you think I’m in charge of this group? There was no one else left to take command, so I did.”

“Ah yes, my brother, always one to rise to the occasion,” Carlo said with his usual acerbic tone. 

Diego nearly rose to the bait, then sighed. “Honestly, you might be one of the last still alive and fighting. The last cape other than you I saw was a poor Dendro Vision holder who was swarmed by half a dozen rift hounds three hours ago. They’re targeting capes. I…I don’t know how long you’ll last. So…”

Closing his eyes, Diego wrapped both his arms around his brother, who stiffened suddenly and squeezed as hard as he could. “Thank you. For coming. This…this is the end, Carlo. You know what’s coming for us.”

To his faint surprise, Carlo hugged him back, though gently, and Diego heard the pain in his brother’s voice. “I’m sorry. Sorry, I wasn’t there when father…well. That’s in the past. And we don’t have much of a future, so let’s not waste it, eh?”

“You came back. That’s what matters. Brother,” Diego said, and then let go with one final squeeze. He turned to his men. “Right! Man those barricades! Get that machine gun set up! They’ll be on us any minute!”

There were a few desultory attacks by lone abyssal creatures, mostly the small goblin ones and the little rift hounds, but those were cut down with weapon fire. No fully automatic wastes of ammo, either. His men were veterans now after two full days of fighting for their lives. 

To Diego’s surprise, an elderly priest came about, still wearing his ecumenical collar. He had a young woman helping him along, as from the bloody bandages on his head the man was clearly both injured and too old to get about easily, but he was placing wafers on the tongues of the men and giving them a sip of wine before moving on to the next one. 

When he approached Carlo, Diego expected his brother to refuse communion and confession, but he was in for another surprise. Carlo knelt and opened his mouth, allowing the elderly priest to give him the sacrament. He chewed and swallowed, then gave a wry grin. “It has been long since my last confession, Father. My sins are great, and time is short. So I will simply say that I repent, and pray that God will forgive me and judge me fairly.”

“That is all we can ask in a time such as this,” the priest said, before turning to Diego, who bowed his head and accepted communion and the priest's blessing. 

“I have held anger in my heart against my brother, Father. I confess my sins, and ask for absolution,” he said, forcing himself not to look at Carlo. 

“Christ hears, my Son, and knows your heart. Say the prayer to Saint Michael, and fight with honor,” the old man said.

Before he could turn to the next man, the girl helping him let out a gasp and pointed. “Father Aparico! It’s the Devil!”

There was a deep, basso rumble that Diego could feel in his bones, and he turned, horror gripping him as he voided his bladder against his will. Several of his men cried out and fell to the ground, gripping their heads, gnashing their teeth, and spasming wildly. There, blacker even than the darkened sky, the massive coils of a midnight purple serpent were silhouetted. Its purple eyes blazed with malevolence, and clouds of venom issued from its maw. The many feathery wings beat the air with a terrible noise, like the sound of an approaching storm.

“Apep,” Carlo gasped, horror filling his own eyes. “It’s here. Madre de Dios. It’s here.”

“Stand fast in faith, my children!” a voice cried. It was quavering and high-pitched, but there was strength to it. Diego looked up to see the priest raising a wooden crucifix to the sky, and damn him if it didn’t glow with a holy light. “God is with you! Do not fear, though you walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death! The Holy Virgin fights with us! Do not give up hope!”

Seeing the faith and courage of the old man had an effect on Diego, and it was as if a spell was broken. Ashamed, he got to his feet. “You heard the Father! On your feet, sons of Mexico! This shall be our finest hour!”

His men arose, gripping their guns, looks of despair replaced with resolute determination. They had accepted their deaths, but they would fight on.

“Well. I guess this where it ends, Diego,” Carlo said, his eyes fixed on the Endbringer as it rumbled slowly forward, hordes of Abyssal monsters in its wake. 

“No. This is not where it ends! Do not give up hope! There are thousands, a million, behind us in that stadium! We cannot let even a single monster through!” Diego called. A part of him knew that was folly. The Raiden Shogun and her Dragons, the Elite of the Protectorate, and Farasha and the Flower Dragon, even two Harbingers, had been needed to defeat Apep the last time. What hope did they have?

It didn’t matter. If you didn’t fight with victory in mind, you had already lost. And Diego Diaz Rodriguez had never lost a fight in his life. Not even against his brother. He didn’t intend to start now. 

Moments later, the swarm of abyssal monsters appeared, some from rifts, others sprinting out of ruined buildings and around or through burned-out cars. 

“Let them have it!” Diego roared, and the defenders let loose with every bit of firepower they had. For a few seconds, that was enough to stymie the assault. But they faced an enemy that did not know fear, and hungered only for blood. Carlo met the first of the creatures to make it to the line, slicing it in half, then the next, and the next. But he was but one man, and the Abyssal creatures seemed to be concentrating on him. He was tough, thanks to what the gringos had done to him, but he couldn’t survive a dozen wounds from abyssal creatures. 

With a scream of rage, Diego tossed aside his empty rifle and picked up a machete, then charged forward, hacking at a creature that was trying to leap onto Carlo. He knew it was folly, knew it was useless, but he didn’t care.

“GET OFF MY BABY BROTHER, PENDEJO!” 

Though the night is dark and the dawn far off, your Courage does not wane. 

His blade bit into the goblin, which snarled and whirled on Diego. He gritted his teeth and jerked his weapon back to swing again, ignoring the voice whispering in his mind.

Let your Flame burn brighter, for it is now or never. This is your moment!

Something ignited within Diego, all his rage, all his passion, all his determination. He could hear the whisper now, feel its power. Holy Mother, not for me, but for him. Protect Carlo in this hour.

Your Vision is of Peace, but your purpose is War. You shall not rest until your land is free.

With a strength he didn’t know he had, Diego split the goblin's head, and it fell. He gasped, then looked up, only to find Apep itself looming over him. He coughed, feeling the poison air beginning to corrode his body and mind. But he didn’t care. He would not give up. Never. 

Lift your weapon, Son of Battle, Son of Passion! For your Flame shall not be extinguished this day!

Flames coated Diego's weapon as a crimson gem fell into his left hand. He gripped it tightly, raising his machete on high. Carlo was down on one knee, bleeding and half-dazed, and Diego stepped between his little brother and all the demons of hell and their master. He pointed his sword at Apep, ready to challenge even an Endbringer. 

But he didn’t have to. 

All at once, the night was banished, and the Unconquered Sun arose over Estadio Azteca. Diego had to blink away spots from his vision, but he dared to look directly at the sun itself as it crashed into Apep. His jaw dropped, as he beheld a woman of flames, bright as the noonday, doing battle with Apep. For a moment, he could only stare in disbelief. 

An Archon. The Holy Mother has sent one of her Son’s Archons to fight for us. 

Laughing, Diego turned back to his men. He was only mildly surprised to see that Father Aparico was gripping a Vision in one hand and a Bible in the other, his former weakness banished and a wide grin on the old man’s face. 

“Well then, what are you waiting for?” Diego demanded of those around him. “CHARGE!” 

Even Carlo got to his feet with a wordless warcry as the defenders became the attackers, rushing out of their barricade to bring the battle to the Abyss. The monsters fought back with tooth and claw, but they were quailing, afraid, as overhead, their master was beaten back, inch by inch, by the Archon of flames. She had a great sword in her hands, one that seemed to have been forged of the Sun itself, shining nearly as brightly as its wielder. 

Wielding flames as though he had been born to them, Diego vanquished foe after foe, the burning heart of Pyro pounding his veins. He felt like laughing and singing despite the grim work, for what had seemed to be certain defeat had transformed into impossible victory. For how could they lose now?

Apep let out a snarl, and to Diego’s delight, it turned and began to flee, flying away even more swiftly than it had approached. The Archon was not content to simply let her foe go, punishing the Endbringe with lances of flame a hundred meters long that burned great scars in Apep’s back. Still, when a rift opened and Apep slithered in, she did not continue to pursue. Instead, she turned about, flying down low to where Diego and the others were battling the abyss. 

A wall of flame suddenly appeared, and Diego couldn’t help but flinch back as it raced towards him. Before he could do more than stumble a step or two, it had washed over him. To his shock, instead of burning him alive, it soothed away his hurts and revitalized him, giving him a rush of energy. 

In contrast, wherever the Archon’s flames touched Abyssal creatures, they were burned to cinders and ash, falling down and fading into motes of darkness. Soon, the battlefield was empty of all foes, and Diego hoisted his machete, letting loose a mighty cry of joy. He turned to find Carlo nearby, tears on his face. To his surprise, Diego found he was weeping as well. Not tears of sorrow, but of joy. 

Laughing, crying, the formerly estranged brothers embraced one another, pounding fists on the other’s back. 

“Oh shit! Are you alright?” Carlo gasped, a look of horror coming over him. “I didn’t hold that one back!”

“I’m fine!” Diego laughed. He held up his new Vision. “You see? You’re not the only cape in the family now!” 

They embraced again, sounds of celebration all around them. After a long embrace, the two brothers separated then started. The Archon had landed and was standing right next to them. 

“Hujambo. Je, wewe ni amri hapa?” she said in cheerful tones, a broad grin on her face. 

The two of them shared a startled look, then hastily bowed to the divine warrior. 

“Apologies, Archon. We don’t understand you,” Diego said. 

The woman cocked her head to her side. The fire faded from her hair, and Diego was left looking at, well, a perfectly ordinary woman. She even had faint wrinkles around her eyes and on her face, not at all like the inhuman beauty he’d come to expect from seeing one of God’s Messengers. Even Nahida Saeed had an ethereal quality about her, a grace and cuteness that no human child, however delightful, could match. To say nothing of the Raiden Shogun and her daughters, or even the terrible Tsaritsa. 

“ʻAʻole ʻoe maopopo iaʻu. ʻŌlelo ʻoe i kēia ʻōlelo?” the woman said in what sounded like an entirely different language than the first. 

“Sorry, do you speak English instead?” Carlo said in that language. 

The woman laughed and shook her head. “Nesi timakamh share se nenepili, ma mitsnel tlatlahto inin se.”

That sounded…closer. The words were a bit off, but it sounded like Nahuatl. “Amo… xikijto… ni. ¿Tikmati español?”

That got him a laugh and a broad grin, but also a shake of the Archon’s head. “¡Ah, ax tleno ipati! Titlatlankej. Huajca, nikan Ronova nechtitlanki. Se tlamantli tlen amo nelia, ni amo nesi kej nopa Tlanauatijkayotl tlen Tlayoua. ¿Atlac nechtzacuilijtoque ma niitzto nohuejcapan tata?”

“That sound like Nahuatl to you?” Diego asked Carlo.

His brother shrugged. “Maybe. I never bothered to learn any. You were the one with your nose in old books all the time.”

“Some help you are,” Diego muttered under his breath, then turned and shouted. “HEY! Anyone speak Nahuatl?”

“I do, no need to shout, my Son,” Father Aparico said, stepping forward confidently. He bowed to the Archon. “Xi tlajpalo, Santo Arcon. Ti tlaskamatiliaj nopa ichpochtli tlen ti kualtsi pampa ti ajsito ipan ni tonali..”

The woman cocked her head to one side, her brow wrinkling slightly. Then she laughed, and reached out, gripping the priest by the shoulder and gently straightening him. “Tlauel ti kuali ti tlasojtla, tlayekanki tlayekanki. Pero ax nijmati kenke timoiljuis nieli se ichpokatl.”

The Priest suddenly reddened, an aghast expression coming over him. 

“What did she say?” Diego asked, somewhat impatiently. 

“Her accent is…odd. But, ah, well, I welcomed her in the name of the Blessed Virgin, and ah…she said she is, er, a woman of…experience,” the priest admitted. 

That made Carlo burst out laughing, and Diego had to fight back a grin. So, it seemed there were good times to be had in Heaven after all. “Well, give her our thanks! Without her, that would have been a hard fight indeed!”

Father Aparico gave Diego an exasperated look, one that said, “Lying is a sin, my son,” but he seemed to translate Diego’s words faithfully. 

The Archon seemed to take it in good stride, laughing in delight and clapping Diego on the shoulder. “You’ve got spirit! I see why the Sacred Flame chose you as one of its bearers. What is your name, warrior?” Father Aparico translated. 

Straightening, Diego puffed out his chest and declared, “Diego Diaz Rodriguez. I’m a farmer from Los Altos de Jalisco.”

“What he means is he owns the largest Blue Agave fields and Tequila bottling plant in Guadalajara. My brother has never worked a day in the fields in his life,” Carlo said with a snort. 

“That’s not true and you know it. Father had us working as hands since we were twelve,” Diego said, trying not to grit his teeth or punch his infuriating brother. 

“Just don’t lie to the alien and get us incinerated,” Carlo said with a shrug. 

“Angel. Not alien. Don’t believe the lies the gringos feed you,” Diego snapped, then glanced at the priest, who to his horror, was translating still. “Father! No need to tell the Holy Archon everything in our little spat.”

To his mortification, the Archon grinned at what she was hearing. She stuck out her hand, which Diego could only gape at, and spoke through Father Aparico. 

“You are a man of passion, Diego Diaz Rodriguez. I too, am possessed of a fiery temperament. So are all who hear the call of the Sacred Flame. I am Mavuika Huitztlan. It is an honor to fight beside you.”

Hesitantly, Diego reached out, then gripped the hand of God’s Anointed. He met her gaze, like a man. “The pleasure is all mine, Archon Mavuika. Let me be the first to welcome you to Earth Bet. To Mexico City, as our Savior.”

She smiled at that and shook her head. “I am no Savior. Just a woman. Now. Where is the fight? I have a score to settle with the Abyss.”

Diego couldn’t help but grin back. “So do I. You lead, Archon. And I’ll follow.”

Author’s Note:

As always, consider this a preview. But after listening to Blazing Heart on repeat and maining Mavuika for the past three weeks, I just had to put this out. While I’m excited for Furina’s chapters, I can already tell that I’m going to have a blast with the Pyro Archon as well. 

However, Diego and Carlo are definitely characters I’ve been planning for a long time. I’m sure the eagle-eyed among you will figure out who they are, but they’ll be showing up in the story proper relatively soon before their Archon’s arrival.