372 Pages We ll Never Get Back

Episode 34 - A 160 Page Self-Own

Well, here is the new book we all get to read together! We apologize for nothing!! And hey, a bunch of listeners requested this one, so if you want someone to blame we will name names!

But in all seriousness, this should be very fun, and will be a welcome change of pace from the last book, (though a binder of carpet samples would be a welcome change of pace from the last book.)

As we like to do from time to time, you'll have a chance to calibrate your tastes along with both of us,...

A new book is on the way!

We'll have an announcement hopefully later this week, but until then, any guesses?

Win our copies of 64-SQUARES winners announced!

Nice thumbnail selection youtube! Here is the drawing of the names of the Lucky (can we get a fact check on this? -ed) winners of our copies of 64-SQUARES. In theory this means you will now have TWO copies of this book in your home. We assume no responsibility for the effect this may have on your romantic life, professional career, or sanity.

Winners, please email us at 372pages@gmail.com and we will send them your way! Thanks again to everyone who supports us and listens!

Win our 64-SQUARES books

We've wrapped up the saga of Titus Uno, etc, and it's time to find these books a permanent home. If you'd like to win our copies of the books, complete with notes, signature, maybe some of Mike's hideous character portraits, leave a comment here. We'll pick two at random, and you'll each get one of them. We'll leave this up until Wednesday to hopefully give everyone a chance to see it.

Bonus sketch - Sammy the Bull Gravano Confesses

We unearthed two different reenactments from the Dark Web for this episode but as it turned out, the reenactors, unbeknownst to each other, wrote eerily similar material. Rather than push the podcast closer to the 2.5 hour mark, we're putting it here for patreon supporters. Enjoy!

Episode 33 - Checkmate

All good things must come to an end. On a completely unrelated note, this book also must come to an end.

And what an ending it is! After pages and pages of repeated text and detailed descriptions of the families of characters who are never mentioned again, we get some actual, honest to god plot development. And when it finally happens, it's more ludicrous than we could have ever hoped.

We will warn you that by listening to this podcast, you may possibly receive a decade in prison ...

Episode 32 - Ctrl-V, Repeat

Who is the Sheriff of 372 Pages?

Sorry, just trying out our new catchphrase. Nobody better be laughing!! We have an absolutely jam packed episode this week, because despite maybe 40% of this week's assigned reading being the same block of typo-ridden copy/paste text, there was a lot to talk about. Potential suspects! Power couples doing cool things! Multiple cases of treason, perpetrated without a second thought!

There's a lot of new characters introduced so make sure to have a co...

Let's crowdsource a 64-SQUARES org chart

If you've read the middle third of this book, one thing is clear: it's even worse than we thought. Perhaps a second thing is also clear: there is absolutely no way to keep track of all these people.

I propose we make an organization chart to track the 64-SQUARES corporate hierarchy! Starting, of course (OF COURSE!) with CEO Jack Starr and incorporating all his underlings, the board, internal auditor, Xerox repairman, etc

Should we include spouses & children? Of course (OF COUR...

Meme contest winner!

Well, you guys really set the bar high with this contest and it was very hard to pick a winner. We loved the Kindergarten Cop madness, all the variants of CPA, FCPA etc. It was very hard not to pick one that prominently featured Neil Breen. Very well done on the disdainful Robot Pimp callback AND the appropriate image to go with it. The push mower image was a hilarious touch. Ralph Wiggum was the perfect image to go with the quote about spying is fun.

But, since this is a highly subject...

Episode 31 - I, Titus Uno

Assemble your various financial certification acronyms and have Veronica Jackson clear your schedule, because we've got a doozy of an episode! So much to unpack here in our first discussion of The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements. We've got kidnapped mascots, hi-tech spy gear, and world record fast marriage proposals. If you've made any plans, blow them to rubbish and listen to this episode instead!

NOTE: Mike was on the road this wee...

64-SQUARES meme contest

Alright, it seems like you all are just as excited as us about this new book. We're set to record (and hopefully release) the first 64-SQUARES episode on Friday. But I thought to lead up we would do something fun for Patreon supporters. 

Let's see your best 64-Squares memes. Incorporate themes or quotes or characters from the first six chapters. There are no restrictions, but keep in mind the subjective tastes of your judges! (Simpsons and Far Side mashups may be given extra consid...

Episode 30 - Manifesto in Book Form

Well, we've found a new book to read together, and it certainly appears to be something special. More in the vein of "Eye of Argon", this is one that was never going to hit the best seller list. But based on early scans it seems like it will be a lot of fun to dive into. Or maybe it'll be like The Ring and we'll all be dead in seven days! Who knows!

Looking forward to this new dive into a terrible book, please email your thoughts, reactions, fan-fic as soon as you get your hands on a co...

Did Goulart ghost write Netflix's "Altered Carbon"? I have no idea, but I'm positive he did!

The evidence:

• Opens with the hero coming awake on a table after having been sprung by a mysterious benefactor from a suspended  animation prison, in which he served time after having being framed for murder. 
• There are pedramps, sky cars, lucite and plas galore!
• The hero gets hired as a private detective, it has a noir tone. He keeps 2019-01-27 14:05:36 +0000 UTC View Post

We have a winner!

I loaded up all the names of people who commented on the TekWar post into a random name picker and let it do its thing. (learned this technique from a corgi IG account I follow)

Congrats to the winner! Email 372pages@gmail.com with your address/contact info and we will send you out a copy of TekWar with horrified/amused notes scrawled in it. Or just post your address here for a bunch of strangers to see, we don't care.

Who wants Conor's TekWar book?

Alright, having watched the movie, it's time to close the book (😎) on TekWar, and that means getting the book the hell out of my house. In the past we've auctioned them off, but now I'd like to give it to a random Patreon supporter. So if you're interested in getting a copy of tekwar full of barely legible notes like the ones you see above, comment below and I will pick a random name.

I'll give it til the weekend in order to give everyone enough time to see it. ...

Patreon Bonus: TekWar The Movie!

Well, we watched TekWar The Movie and it did not disappoint (unless you were hoping for a sweet Globo Nude Scene...)

It's extremely interesting to see what made the cut, what didn't and what inexplicably got altered. Sombrero wearing robots? GONE! Plump Sonny Hokori? GONE! Sub-Lawnmower Man VR effects? PRESENT IN ABUNDANCE! 

Plus there is no plas, which is sort of like adapting The Hobbit but leaving out all the hobbits. All this plus a song from Warren Zevon's "Contractual O...

TekWar The Movie

Well that's convenient, it looks like the entire Tekwar movie is on youtube. Bookmark it, we'll be watching it soon!

Episode 29 - What The Hell Was That?

Well, the pace sure as hell was unrelenting, folks. We've reached the end of TekWar, and there both is and isn't a lot to talk about. Chest-high walls, disdainful robot pimps, the brief and wondrous life of Sonny Hokori are all just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to all who hitched their wagons to the Shatlart skytrain for this plasride!

As announced in the episode, we'll be taking a look at the TekWar TV movie soon as a Patreon exclusive, so stay tuned for that. Conor also has his eye ...

Episode 28 - Al's House of Lucite

If you'd told us way back in Episode 25 - Meetings About Sonny Hokori, if we'd still be having meetings about Sonny Hokori 150 pages later, we would have thrown the book across the room. And yet, here we are.

We're back after the holiday break (feeling kind of glum, guess we just miss Ogden Swires) with a thorough dive into the second to last section of TEKWAR. Time to question the wisdom of installing cyborg limbs that seem to be weaker than flesh ones, explore the oppressive censorshi...

Bonus Episode: Call Me Mad Dog

Hello everyone! Happy Day After Christmas! Hope that if you celebrated, your love ones got you the one gift on everyone's list: the final eight books in the Tekwar series.

We won't be back with a new episode until the new year, but to tide you over, here is the long awaited bonus episode where Mike discusses how he came to be known by a group of people solely as Mad Dog, a claim Conor had never heard over the decade plus they'd known each other and remains dubious about to this day.

Episode 27 - A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan

Chapter 22 of Tekwar may be the second stupidest chapter we've read on this podcast. The first, of course, being the one in Armada where The Emissary just, you know, cures cancer and every other disease. But this one is close. We will explain why in great detail.

We'll also FINALLY meet one of the characters the other characters have been talking about. We'll get to bask in presence of the charismatic, bon vivant that is The Fat Globo. We'll encounter racist android brothel owners. And we'll s...

Can You Beat the PlasQuiz?!

UPDATE!: Man, oh, man, "plasdome" confounded nearly everyone!

2ND UPDATE: It didn't make the quiz, but "Plascrate" is now a thing. Really. Chap. 25, I believe.

This month's good cause

Hey patrons, just wanted to let you know that thanks to your generosity last month we were able to send a $280 donation to a great organization called CoachArt. (Corporate matching from Conor's wife's work will kick that up to a total of $560!) CoachArt facilitates one on one coaching and lessons in sports and art for chronically ill children. It's a really cool organization that works with some really special kids and we're happy that we're able to send some Plasbucks it's way. They were very a...

Episode 26 - Located in the Exact Center of your Podcast App

Roll your cartoon wolf tongues back into your mouths, we've got a new episode! This week we finally get to meet the lusted after Beth Kittridge... Well, kind of...

Mike also coins a new, revolting portmanteau for our favorite author duo: Shatlart, while Conor does his best to try to pronounce the name Ogden, which bafflingly is the name of more than one character in this stupid, stupid book.

For next time read thru Chapter 26!

Episode 25 - Meetings About Sonny Hokori

Look, we all love Sonny Hokori and Bennet Sands and Dr. Kittridge's insanely hot daughter. We love to hear Jake discuss those people in quirky alleys with people we've never met and probably will never hear from again. But for the love of god, do we need FOUR CONSECUTIVE CHAPTERS of these meetings???

In this episode we've got some diabolical fan fic, confusion about what constitutes a cyborg, and we'll finally hear from the man behind the ghostwriter himself. For next time, read thru episode 2...

Bonus! Calibrate Your Tastes

No new episode this week because we are too busy making Hot Cheeto encrusted Turkey for Thanksgiving, but what we do have is a brand new opportunity to calibrate your tastes with ours! Sure, you know how we feel about Ernest Cline books, but what about Tone Loc? The Sistine Chapel? Or Clint Howard films? Take a listen to this patreon exclusive and find out if you're on the same page as us!

Episode 24 - ¡El Pelo Hinchable!

To the inattentive and brainless layman* it might appear that not much happened during this stretch of TekWar. Mostly Jake aka Jonatha and Juanito aka The Android(???) just sat and talked to people about other people we haven't met yet. Somehow, we discussed this for nearly two hours.

Folks stepped up their fanfic this time around, probably due to the new conditioner they're using that leaves their hair bouncing around at all times for some reason. We also sort out how Jake could be puzzled (t...

Donation

Hey folks! Conor here. Patreon just processed our payment for our first month (takes a little longer your first time.) Thru your generous support we cashed out $829. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We're going to bank part of that for any additional podcast equipment we might need or flights for future live shows. But in our description, we mentioned that we'd be donating a portion of each month's proceeds to a good cause. We've just sent a donation of $248 (30% of last months patreon) to 826...

Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree

Steeple your chrome fingers against your chrome nose and tell maw to cork it, here's our first Tekwar episode!

We've got a ton to cover here: the difference between Airvans and Skycabs. Coppery racism. Oddly specific and ever increasing intervals of time. And printing, my god the printing!

Thanks for your support, hope you enjoy listening to this before everybody else! Please keep sending in emails and fanfic. For next time read thru Chapter 11!

Bonus Podcast: How the sausage is made!

When we recorded the TekWar intro episode, we tried out a new recording method. Long story short, it didn't seem satisfactory and we had to record it over. We thought we'd share it with you here, just in case you have any desire to here a slightly different version of what you've already listened to. Mike gets off a good classical music analogy and Conor, well... His tastes are not as erudite...

We've also got a TekWar assignment for you: Read thru Chapter 7, that's Page 54 in our version.