So the other day I was delirious from post-vaccine (both flu and covid) side-effects and decided to just... get the laser nebula light and go crazy in my room. my partner currently has covid so part of it was meant for her, but also to make some promo shots for "all the dead" which is out next friday (27th), the day before IL's 1 year anniversary. being chronically ill can take a big toll on your physical self-esteem - even if it doesn't affect your external appearance in obvious ways (although turns out my eyebags and see-through skin is mostly hEDS, POTS and histamine overload). I recommend doing so for all cripples - even if you don't think you are sexy (or suffer from dysmorphia or dysphoria), selfies can be a good way of taking back control over your body. all are SFW - I tend to be a bit reluctant to show much more, mostly due to some parasocial activity I had a while back.
Some of the cool effects (like the "scanner squares" came from the iphone's "portrait mode" glitching the fuck out. the lighting source was a genio nebula light aimed directly at me. no photoshop was added - all processing was done on my iphone by abusing its default settings. there is a few of me looking unhinged too - dont worry, my mental health is suprisingly ok! I just know how my music is kinda creepypasta adjacent sometimes.
split over two parts because I took a LOT of photos. also to tease you.
An old dark ambient song originally ... placed ... only on soundcloud - from all the way back in 2016-17 (8 years ago!) as part of the 'filaments' series. Apparently I've never uploaded it here, which is odd. I could only find an mp3 (again, luckily 320kb) but I gave it a shiny new master anyway because I dig its vibe - and its low mp3 quality is kinda cute and fits. The mix has gone AWOL for now, so it does has some unwanted distortion, even after remastering. It also one of the earliest uses of my zither, guitar playing nothing but scratches and feedback, real drums doing cymbals/junk percussion. It also has singing ... and my voice was a lot deeper 8 years ago... like wow. I barely even voice trained. Your brain just adjusts over time I guess.
The image is from Fuan No Tane (trans: "Pet Peeve" or "Seeds of Anxiety"), one of my favourite manga, originally put up with the song all the way back then. Faun No Tane was a series of short, spooky, strange "urban legend" horror vignettes with influences from japanese folklore, urban legends and surreal horror. As some of you know, I am a big fan of the SCP foundation too, and the two are very similar in that way. I kinda started the 'filaments' series all those years ago about doing the musical equivalent - spooky, strange atmospheric musical vignettes that point to something larger, but never reveal themselves entirely. Lots of fucked up spooky faces too.
Masaaki Nakayama's other series "PTSD radio" (of which I've named several songs after) does provide more of an overarching narrative ... somewhat (something about the 'god of hair?'??). Faun No Tane has a movie (with none other than the legendary Chu Ishikawa of Tetsuo: Iron Man doing the soundtrack!) and two sequels - Faun No Tane+ and Faun No Tane* (which I have to sit down to read now it has scanlations). Sadly none of the Faun No Tane comics have official English translations yet - although PTSD radio does and even has physical copies, I made an audible gasp when I saw them in the nerd store and bought them immediately. Ok special interest rant over lol. If you like spooky things (which I assume you do because... you are here) check them out! Also recommend me more obscure horror manga I might have missed (not junji!), I have a new Kobo and looking to dive back in.
My music has been influenced by horror/weird manga immensely, hence the images... placed ... with the songs (although it's been a while since I sat and read some ... need to get my glasses prescription renewed as I think POTS has messed around with my eyesight).
Again, both mp3 and wav are available - but the wav is based on a remastered mp3, so probably still has some frequency loss from the mp3 it was based on.
Listen late at night, leave the door ajar after you turn off the lights and see if anybody is watching you. Have fun ^___^
Hey! Here is a song rejected from the final version of Impossible Light, "You Did This to Me". Sadly I don't think a complete version of this song will see the light of day due to no longer being on speaking terms or contact with the mixing engineer / co-producer of that record, who has all the stems. So this is the only remnant of her mix I have left, - only in mp3 - and it is indeed an incredible mix. Since I have no access to the stems, likely indefinitely - any B-side record of Impossible Light is likely not going to happen.
Originally made around the same time as all the other songs of impossible light in 2017, this one never finished as I didn't know where to go with it, however it does feel somewhat complete as it is. The only lyric is "you did this to me". It of course alludes to being mistreated. It features the traditional uboa koto/zither synth, ukelele and a big heavy doom metal section in drop F. Since I had no ending, I added some brown noise in the end as a fade out which somehow fits. Likewise, it was originally going to have some additional screams in the heavy section. Maybe one day I'll have a finished variant - but I doubt I can do as good of a mixing job as Blood of a Pomegranate. Plus, I kinda want to move on. Impossible Light was a nightmare to make, and came at a big cost to my mental and physical health. But this song is probably my favourite of the several unreleased tracks from the era, and by far the most complete.
Also, above is some unused cover art for a sleeve vinyl - illustration by the incredible Quartzvii, and photoshop editing by me. It was rejected as a front cover in favour of something more recognisably uboa (specifically, the typography and photo). We ended up using it for the inside art and longsleeve. Still, Vii is a lovely human and such a talented artist, and it's an actual crime their work is not more well known, so please check out their work and buy a print/shirt of theirs!
Note: I only had a mp3 remaining to remaster. So even the WAV might have some very, very subtle mp3 compression artefacts, which I doubt any of you will notice.
Here is a complete remake of an old song "Montauk" (which I apparantly never uploaded here, and no longer seems to be on soundcloud...) done for a charity compilation for trans youth with most of my mates in the noise scene down under. The song... is a spooky one.
hi, already (!) have a 'new' song (a vastly redone old song from soundcloud) out - "110-Montauk". The situation happening to trans folk is just as horrifying as the title (if you know, you know) and the song I provided suggests. Link in bio.
Today I woke up to find out that an adult gender affirming care medicaid ban was passed in the US - and will likely become law. This comes after the UK supreme court decided we are "biologically male" and thus deserve to get felt up (thus, SA'd) by male police officers. So-called australia might be an inaccessible safe haven for now... but recently the queensland state government passed a puberty blocker/hrt ban for trans youth (and only trans youth). We cannot trust the labour party will not follow suit in the future - given the similarities to our labour party to that of the UK. Indeed we cannot trust the state and capital to save us.
The comp is run by @rippingnailsrecords and all proceeds go towards @opendoorsyouthservice - a service for LGBTiQ+ (and importantly: brotherboy/sistergirl) youth in queensland - where the youth gender affirming care ban is in effect.
I am so fkn sick of gnocide. If somebody has a comp fundraiser for Gz* coming up, I'll give a song/s to that too.
The only solution to g*nocide is revolution. Get organised. 1312.
NO MORE DEAD QUEERS
❤️🍉🏳️⚧️
Anyway, here is a terrifying song. I was inspired by g-man from half life with the vocal delivery, in order to make it seem even... more unsettling. Features me playing a cello badly, zither, noise and a bunch of fucked noise and orchestral samples. It's very much attempting to capture the horror of the world at the moment - especially the horrors fascism, capitalism and imperialism have launched upon trans folk and Palestinians.
Here are the lyrics. Many are from a few years ago, with a bit of editing/mixing when performing them. It's more automatic writing straight from the id - with references to the "groomer" conspiracy theory (and fascism in general), my prior struggles with health anxiety and my current struggle with chronic illness. There are some references to german idealist philosophy there too. My unconscious probably understands it more precisely than I do. The main point is that is a nightmare. The world is falling into ruin - yet we must pretend things are normal. The final lyric however is about how we need to fight back.
the catboy gags up the
groomer furball with skin
white as bleached velvet
as he pisses blood on tits
as flat as the earth
playful tickle in the throat
of bloody clots of girllung
coughed up and spat out
tiny red sponges
coagulate on the sink
Dishes are done
light is not opposite, but sideways to dark
A truth is not a fact but
The the bone in the throat of liars
And the bacteria in the corner of your eyes
The severed tongue on the bathroom floor
Wet and glistening and twitching
I heard you caught herpes off a toilet seat
You were so healthy for so long
let it crawl inside me
and pornography negatively weighted
grow a vulgar rose
let cancer quietly tickle
And torture a
man as vain/vein as you
Be a syringe
in god’s wicked eye
I've posted the mp3 version for any poor queers in the free tier (you can already hear in its entirely anyway both here and BC) - but you'll need to donate to get the WAV version.
Hi everybody, here is my new 32-minute, 5-song mini-LP, All the Dead Melt Down as Rain. Paid patreon subscribers (and those too broke to subscribe) get this a few weeks before I pop it on bandcamp/spotify.
1 - Cleansed of Spirit
2- A Body, Shapeless and Divine
3 - Prole Ana
4 - A Misremembered Dream
5 - A Windowless House (Deconditioning)
You can download both 320 mp3 versions and uncompressed 24/48 WAV variants. Lyrics are included in the zip.
This is vaguely about my recent struggles with chronic illness (POTS, hEDS on top of AudHD) - but the lyrics are mostly more abstract and fictional. Many lyrics date back to 2018-19, but the songs were written in only a few days (with a few weeks for mixing tinkering) last/this month. I wanted to capture the sense of confusing, unpredictable dread that chronic illness often comes with - some of these songs are more intense than anything on Impossible Light, making this release more similar to The Origin of My Depression.
Additional personnel include Lulu Collard (my drummer, Serene Ailment) on junk percussion and Joanna Fang (emmy-award winning foley artist who works for Sony Playstation, whose work appears on many AAA titles such as Helldivers 2, God of War: ragnarock and Death Stranding 2 - her work will also appear on upcoming collective noise diary), who sent some foley art which became the basis of the first song (specifically, the engine-like metallic sounds and metal scraping). An extra thanks to Aki McCullough (for mixing/mastering feedback), Lauren Bousfield, Violet Aisling (as always), Alexandria Beckett, Cynth, Pewka and Autumn Halcyon (who helped me body-double this thing into existence, while making my bed).
Everything else - vocals, guitar, piano, noise, synth, field recordings, mixing and mastering by me, all done in my bedroom (minus piano, which is in my lounge room).
My ears and body and brain are tired - if there is are any issues with these mixes/masters, let me know. Also let me/the flenser know if cassettes would interest you.
Love y'all, stay healthy. Wear a mask in public.
Update 23/5/25 - note that the versions of "windowless house" and "a body, shapeless and divine" here are remastered, remixed and even slightly different (better imo).
edit: will be on streaming with a new mix/master on june 27th! y'all get the new master for free on the same day (its slightly clearer, less clickly, vocals occasionally louder and guitars sound better in prole ana).
Hey, here is another track off All The Dead Melt Down As Rain, specifically the finale.
As the title suggests, here is the spiritual sequel to detransitioning, as it share a lot in common with it both instrumentally and structurally. Both start with soft vocals and piano, have an ambient choir buildup into noise. However, this one actually "finishes" the noise" with some big screams and cut-ups, and thus feels more complete. It's not the same song, but it's non-identical twin sister.
Lyrically, it is about the social isolation that chronic illnesses often cause. The name comes from the fact that I noticed that my bedroom window has been blacked via a blind out for a week, as my sleep cycle has been so busted that I mostly sleep during the day (thanks to POTS). It is also inspired by this cute analog horror video, a medium I have a soft spot for. "Deconditioning", other than it being a shout-out to "Detransitioning", is also a common thing that happens in POTS - you can't exercise due to fatigue, weakening your muscles thus making your POTS worse in a vicious cycle. POTS is incurable, but not unmanageable, but when you are in a deconditioning cycle (like myself right now) it can be very, very difficult to manage - even on medication. It sucks.
BTW, these are penultimate mixes, and likely will have some small adjustments for the release version. However, compositionally, they are essentially complete compositionally and performance-wise. Junk percussion was again performed by Lulu. Mix notes are welcome!
Lyrics:
I saw a ghost and it was me It’s only ever always me No one else exists Only shadows in peripheral vision Puppets of meat and brain I wish the Other could reach out Either with knives or with love
So over the last two weeks, in desperation, I made a thing - "All the Dead Melt Down As Rain".
Cover by me - collage (magazine cuttings, knife scrapes, incense ash, pen, whiteout + digital colouring/editing/text post-scan), done late 2024. Yes, the new Patreon header is based on this work. --
Depending on what you prefer to call things, it is a mini-LP or an EP, being 32 minutes and 5 songs, it straddles between the two. I've been mostly stuck in my house, bored, sad and sick. I needed something to keep me going, and I ended up doing this (yes, instead of all the other things I said I'd do, like the collective noise and a bunch of remixes - this ended up kinda possessing me out of desperation. Likewise, I'll try and get back to those things when I am mentally up for it). The rest of the record is far more noisey and droney, with only one song I could consider musical. It has some resemblance to The Sky May Be, The Apple of Every Eye and The Origin (especially the final track, a spiritual sequel to "Detransitioning" - which wasn't expected, since I never wanted to retread that path. Sometimes making a song is like opening a portal ... you never know what comes out. Turns out the portal went to the hell-dimension from Event Horizon.)
Here is the second song from the release, "A Body, Shapeless and Divine". It is mostly cut up noise and screams. It is not an easy listen. The lyrics were written years ago in a poetry journal (and were used in a previous noise diary entry in a less-complete form, but I feel they are better used here), so the context is as mysterious to you as it is to me - I suspect the girl in question is myself. Or a former lover. I have no idea, and I kinda don't want to know. It disturbs me too. This release is full of mysteries, mostly due to memory loss, brain fog and tapping straight into the unconscious. It was mostly written based on improvised jams, then edited over the last two weeks. I found not overthinking things helps - not that thinking is something I can do well with the brain fog anyway.
This song in particular features' lulu on junk percussion, I believe using the samples recorded previously. This might be the final mix, currently awaiting feedback (yes, including here - and for my ears to get less tired. Feel free to give mix notes).
Yet to figure out how/when to release this (ideally ASAP), as awaiting feedback from The Flenser. The idea was this to be on the paid tier. I am giving you this song anyway because I've just been itching to get something out there - anything - while stuck in POTS purgatory. Or hell. This song sounds more like hell.
---- A Body, Shapeless and Divine
she smells like burnt lavender floating in tepid water as brown as smeared shit her fresh scabs are scraped away when she peels her gym clothes off blue icicle eyes fall and impale a stare that freezes milk and piss she licks the heavens like ice cream and all the dead melt down as rain her skin peels off like band-aids flesh evaporates until thin like leprosy rebranded A body carved until shapeless And divine humid factories abandoned overgrown with human hair roses cleft bisexually lavender burnt scentless makeup melts like glaciers And fills this ocean with you
[REDACTED]
---
Here is the full collage, and if there is a tape, it will be the cover. Yes, I am normal.
Happy birthday to me. My mid-30s have been very strange. You can download it below if you want. Just be aware this may not be the final mix (and thus I cbf doing metadata on the mp3).
Yes, more annoying sounds! By far the biggest sample pack I've done to date - everything from cut-ups, drones, melodic warbles, effected speech and semi-rhythms. All made using the laptop microphone and an extrermerly large amount of LFO-controlled effects (and OTT). Since there are so many samples, the quality is not quite as polished (i.e. occasional silences not edited out and the volumes are not all normalised) - but given it is noise you shouldn't be expecting it. Great for sound collages, further editing or looping.
Also included: the ableton effects rack I used for some of the above. Requires ableton 12.1.10 minimum + max for live + kilohearts Disperser (which I strongly recommend you get). Basically its an effects rack and you can filter any noise through it.
I was going to put more up from the photoshoot with Taran I'm still looking for where I actually saved them on my HDD/email and I am tired. Anyway, here are some photos from the photoshoot with Frankie Pan (or effpan). We shot these at Magnet Studios (which has sadly closed, thanks cost-of-living crisis!) who had this giant concrete room called the "Spatial Studio". We took a lot of photos. It was very cold in there. Wish it was still around as the reverb was incredible. We were also originally going to do a music video for Gordian Worm ... but my health simply kept getting in the way, and I had to cancel the date several times before eventually admitting defeat.
Here is the OG cover image.
The theme was "evil government captures/creates psychic girl to experiment on her". Like Lucy of Elfen Lied or Galatea of Bubblegum Crisis 2040 or Rei from NGE - probably a billion other examples in anime/games as its a common trope. Being a psychic (aka autistic) chronically ill girl with medical trauma as capitalism slowly somehow becomes more authoritarian makes that stuff kinda relatable. Especially given all the medication thrown at me based on misdiagnoses that made me worse. Never take Olanzapine.
The hospital gown I got off Amazon. Been a while since a hospital actually helped me during a crisis, usually when folk with chronic health issues go to hospital, the ER doctors have no clue what's going on and say 'it's all in your head'. This has happened so often I got pretty bad medical trauma from it, and generally don't trust the healthcare system by default. This is why I have so much hospital imagery all over my work - my little revenge. The cover of The Absolute, for example, was when a nurse fucked up a blood test and blood launched everywhere. I can't even recall why I was there, as I had a monthly hospital visit during the pandemic years. Once they dumped me (literally) on the floor during a PNES seizure in the waiting room from the ambulance, I couldn't move properly and I was just on the dirty carpet - likely covered in COVID viral particles. Fun! I love capitalist healthcare! I am going to keep using hospital imagery and singing about how awful they are for spoonies until hospitals and preventative healthcare actually get adequately funded. So I'll likely be doing it forever.
If I actually got psychokinetic powers that can crumple tanks maybe all the trauma would actually be worth it. (I got lyrics about it in an upcoming song lol)
Anyway, here are some of the "extra" photos in decent resolution (unless Patreon squishes them). Makeup, hair and outfit by me, as I was too broke to hire anybody other than Frankie (who also did lighting). Some you'll probably have seen before. The last one was a shout-out Hiss Spun (well before I was offered the impossible tour) with my hand bent at some forsaken hypermobile angle. Speaking of hEDS, my knees were bruised for like two weeks after all this kneeling on concrete. Ow. Worth it tho.
I have been thinking of other posts, and I think since some other folk with Patreons are posting photograph archives, I might as well do the same, even though I am perpetually confused why anybody would like to look at me (my self esteem really never recovered from growing up as a closeted nerd). These were done with my long-time friend and collaborator Taran, who is a remarkably talented photographer and, notedly, ambient musician as Kashya.
(I really hope I find the stems for Object Permanence one day...)
We shot these around Melbourne University and other locations in the CBD, such as the Yakimono resteraunt. I was still recovering from a cold - my 3rd virus in a row - so I look a little gaunt (and given my chronic illness, it makes sense). Despite me looking like I am dying and a little clocky, they came out well.
Yes, I am no longer playing the Chelsea Wolfe tour, nor any shows afterward for the foreseeable future. I was recently (finally!) diagnosed with POTS (to the surprise of nobody, given) and hEDS - both of which are commonly co-morbid, and explain virtually all of my health issues I have had recently, and indeed all my life to a less-bad degree. I'll talk about it in more detail some other time. But basically, trying to play a gig with them is ...not fun. Fatigue, dizziness, anxiety, brain fog, memory loss, slurred speech, fainting spells, joint weirdness... there's a good chance I'd have to pull out of the tour halfway through - and I nearly didn't make it to Roadburn. Worse, screaming seems to be a trigger for dizzy spells when standing up. I semi-blacked out during the Liturgy tour, specifically due to heat.
Many people have fun on stage, but for me, it really isn't where I belong. Not with my conditions anyway - especially when combined with autism, which is very common among those with EDS (also, folk with EDS are considerably more likely to be LGBT - which is interesting also). My love has always been for home recording, often in the comfort of my bed - which is where I am writing from now (after waking up too early from POTS-related night sweats). I never dreamt of being a rock star, anyway.
I don't really want to talk more about it right now - minus maybe indirectly in my music - as worsening (although it has improved slightly recently) chronic illness/disability has been my life for the past few years, and it gets... boring. However, it's also a relief to know what is going on. It's also a relief to focus on rest, rather than burning myself out and risking permanent injury trying to prove myself to the world. I've even started using a cane, something I'd never thought I'd need in my 30s. Already I feel lighter. I should be depressed, but instead I am at peace.
Another collaboration song finished recently, with the inimitable Bulgarian dark ambient artist fashiongore. She sent me only about 2 minutes of drones to work with, and we manage to expand it to a full 8. Featuring - drones, choirs, pedal noise, samples and, of course, screams. The long one at the end made me quite dizzy.
Of course, the theme should be self-evident given the recent fascist crackdown on folk like myself around the world - which is not just limited to the USA. Sadly places in Europe, including Bulgaria have recently passed anti-LGBT legislation too - often due to far-right, pro-Russian parties. Not even same-sex marriage is recognised there, and the queer community there is constantly worried about things progressively getting worse. It is important to empathise that trans liberation - LGBT liberation in general - is a worldwide struggle. Despite being a so-called Australian, we are in an election year with a far-right candidate as one of the main choices and this can always creep down under too.
Underlying many of these anti-trans and anti-LGBTi laws is overt irrationality, at least on the surface. They are often financially wasteful (if you want to hurt your tech sector, pass anti-trans laws), "accidentally" target cis people (i.e. gender-non conforming cis women in bathrooms, often for simply having short hair), cost money for police enforcement and directly lead to the suicide of children (despite conservatives stating they are "pro-family"), whilst also traumatising their families and communities. The main point of all this is nothing other than cruelty. The cruelty is the point.
The far-right have selected a portion of the population to be treated as less than human, as homo sacer, almost like a punching-bag for the rest. Cis people - a majority of which are working class and have had their quality of life actively plummet and the conditions of late capitalism due to wealth inequality and climate change, are not just distracted by fascist leaders by transphobia and queerphobia - but are told "yes the world sucks, here is somebody you can punish for it". That is why it is common to state with these laws and executive orders - the cruelty is the point. It's not enough for a fascist to scapegoat a minority group, what really sells it to the masses is allowing them to participate gleefully in the bloodbath. The best distractions are sadistic in nature. It allows the cis working classes who have fallen to this propaganda to feel a sense of power that most of them actually lack. It has been the fascist playbook since the dawn of fascism itself, of which we were amongst the first targets.
How do you reason with this? If you are trans and living in these hell-zones, you can't. There is no bargaining here. The logic here isn't truth, but the fragile feelings of the cis, who need somebody to hurt due to the sordid state of the world. There's no debate to be had, as one side doesn't want to win a debate based on reason. They just want blood. The only option remaining for us is self-defence.
Thus, the lyrics to this song are a single line, repeated.
Another WIP, using... the tin whistle! Another collage-y one (started in 2024), with a big Sludge Section. I got stuck with this one around the heavy section with the baritone guitar, and wasn't entirely happy with the length (the crescendo it feels too short) and the guitar tone used (I have a better amp now). However I think it is salvageable - I just need to take a break from the song a bit. Also features - the gore machine, hydrasynth, piano and junk percussion. No vocals yet, as usual (minus choirs) - but was thinking shoegaze ones and some spoken word. However I think the vibe is interesting - mixing both lofi and hifi styles in a way that seems both futuristic and old at the same time.
I strongly recommend this approacjh to other ADHD'ers who struggle to finish songs- work on the thing you have dopamine, and when the dopamine runs out (i.e. you get bored/stuck) - take an extended break from the song and let yourself "forget" it to a certain degree. Thus when you are bored and wanting to work music again, you finish it as it seems "new" due to the fact you forgot about it, thus giving you the executive function to finish it. All of my finished work uses this method. Yes, you get a LOT of unfinished things floating around - so back up your storage! Since some of you have stated you like the WIPs, this is also good as I have a LOT WIPs than finished songs, and getting encouragement helps me find the energy to finish it - and lack of tells me to direct my energies elsewhere. I have a LOT more WIPs to show you. Fatigue + ADHD often = a lot of unfinished work done in the "boom" periods, with work stopping on the song when I get tired. But it does allow me to try lots of ideas rather than commit to a single one.
If you think it's worth finishing off, let me know.
hey! finally, another sample pack - this time with my drummer Lulu (Serene Ailment). We recorded these for future uboa songs (indeed you'll hear them in things I am working on) but she suggested we also pop the samples up here. Basically - two trash cans (modified by my dad - who is a blacksmith, you can see his forge in the background - to have stands), some chains and a modified trash can lid (also thanks to my dad, who added holes/screws in it to "jangle", as well as a hole for a cymbal stand) recorded with Sm57s. Includes both textural free jams and stuff recorded to a tempo (115, 80 and 100, tempos I often use myself). 19 samples! Have fun with them! I forgot to get footage of us playing - we were too busy having fun recording, but here's what that look like! Expect to hear them more in recordings. Might make more samples too!
Also, if I remember correctly, they are semi-tuned when played with mallets. The bigger trash can is roughly G# as a 1st order-harmonic (the harmonics above are very, very uneven). No idea about the slightly smaller one. Good luck!
Big thanks to both dad for modifying them for instrumental use, and lulu for performing. Since all I did is click play and add some compression, they're here for free.
Hey, sorry for the gap. As y'all know my health has not been the best recently - I am officially diagnosed with POTS. Despite being mostly housebound while I rest and wait for medications/lifestyle adjustments to work, I've still been busy, so time for several WIPs!
Here is a WIP of what was originally a single song... but it feels like an EP of material there. It's similar to Please Don't Leave Me ... just much longer. I also believe the tuning - double drop C - is the lowest I have ever used. It sounds like a swarm of bio-mechs being hit by kinetic missiles from orbit. Or something.
I had this idea of making music that sounded like a modern FPS/military action game - albeit with an anti-imperialist message (well, unlike call of duty - the one sampled is quite different...). This was originally meant to be done for a Palestine fundraiser, sadly my health/burnout/fatigue got in the way, coupled with the fact I wasn't 100% happy with its direction compositionally, even if I am quite proud of the sound sound design. Only the first part of vocals are done - and I think my singing could be a little better.
Also, I have been reworking the composition as it feels too... rushed. Each idea here needs its own space to breathe/develop, which will likely make the "song" much longer - and it's already not short. I often feel my composition style for noise works needs room to breathe and develop. Tbh, it feels like several songs worth of ideas. I can feel this easily turning into an EP-length multi-part composition akin to Empathy Shield. If it is, y'all will get it here first now that I have much more time to record.
Going to update a lot more. I actually was working on quite a few things recently - mostly in bed - but nothing got finished enough to show you so WIPs will have to do. This is mostly due to chronic illness - I can make plenty of music in bed with limited gear, but a lot of the songs require guitar and other physical instruments, which can be physically taxing to do due to being upright. Furthermore, screaming takes a LOT out of me - sadly it can trigger POTS flares when done too long. Still, at least I can pace myself now.
Hello, I finally tried my hand at "harsh noise wall", a genre I have previously publically disparaged on the internet. I think HNW is ok now, I guess I am older and less of a hater. I think I get its meditative nature now. Plus, this is for a good cause - trans mutual aid, organised by none other than Desdemona of Yotzeret Sheydim - with many other artists. She is also taking more submissions from trans noise artists for future volumes, all to trans mutual aid. I managed to sneak in some cut-ups at the end anyway.
Since it is for charity, if you want to download it, you'll have to do it at the link below. Go get it!
Recently, Kaho Matsui asked me to collab on a song with her, and it turned out great. It is on her upcoming release "Life Lover", which is a stunning work blending twinkly emo, noise, ambient, electronica and glitch. She did most of the song and composed it structurally, and I added vocal harmonies, screams and sent a lot of samples of noise for the crescendo.
For those who don't know her work, I strongly recommend "computer and recording works for girls" with more eaze, one of my favorite records I've heard recently. I'd also recommend the upcoming LP which is out Friday as a great introduction to her work alone too.
She has graciously allowed the song to be shared in advance here. She even allowed downloads... but I want you to buy the record off her.
According to Kaho, the song is about codependent relationships.
Hey, sorry I didn't get around the collective noise diary. I didn't do it immediately, lost momentum and the pressure of getting it done 'in time' while having the worst POTS flare up of my life was a little overwhelming. I also needed to vent about my health ... more.
Here is a song I've been working somewhat inspired by disability, isolation and my love for astrophysics. It's somewhat adjacent to some of the stuff in The Origin, especially with my old trustworthy gamelan VST. It also brings back some of the (currently fake) orchestral elements. It is very melodic and has a similar structure to An Angel - and a final version may even feature guitar. It also features dictaphones and more old-sounding instruments.
I want the song to go somewhere, maybe somewhere heavy - not too sure yet. Part of pt2 is written as well, and will be done separately. There is a distinct gap in vocals as I ran out of breath while making this first draft of the song, although its not too bad. I feel the noise is somewhat placeholder-y as well.
I did it quick in order to capture the emotion - grief over losing the health and ability you once had. It's dark and bittersweet - bitter as POTS is a permanent invisible disability requiring lifelong management, but sweet as I finally know the reason behind my recent bout of health issues after a sit-stand test (turns out it wasn't entirely withdrawals...).
The lyrics are inspired by my issues with plane travel - as I found out going to and from roadburn and many other locations around Australia - triggers my POTS via travel sickness, up to and including syncope. Also not being able to be horizontal without being first-class usually causes me to feel utterly awful. Thank christ for antihistamines - but living in Australia and being somewhat allergic to plane travel makes touring not a fun prospect for me.
Like The Tyranny of Posture / Dissociative Kindness it also has the the same theme of tying chronic illness to astronomy and will be on the same release, alongside Banksia Grave and Footscray Park pt.1 - they all have the same warm, intimate analogue feel. I have about 5 other songs (footscray park pt2, to you my collapsing star pt.2, eternal heart, untitled organ song and quiet autumn) in this style, and may have more - making this very much a full length project. The working title of this unexpected record is "lavender house" - assuming I don't break it down into a bunch of EPs. You should hear a lot of it here first, unlike impossible light, as it takes the opposite approach to that record. It is less ambitious (even if it has sprawling epic songs!) and more personal, intimate and human. And more intentionally lo-fi, or at least as far as an Uboa project goes. And also a double record. (I am working on at least 3 other records currently lol).
More will be added to not only this part, but the next part - so it's very much a WIP demo, but it can be enjoyed somewhat as "complete" in this state.
Here are the lyrics:
ll I have a seizure on the plane again?
Will we crash into the midnight sea?
Will the oxygen masks fall down and save us?
And do they really make you high?
You can see the stars above the clouds here
Glimmering and maybe dead
Some will explode or just disappear
We won’t know for millions of years
Will I have a seizure on the plane again?
WIll it fall from the sky?
Because because some CEO
Thought it was more expensive to fly
it's cold up here
It's cold up here
it's cold up here
It's cold up here
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Also: will have two new releases - the "Meltdown" set and the split with a local band - annouced soon. Meltdown (renamed Every Reactor Four a Friend) will have cassettes from the flenser and the split (feating The Apocalypse of True Love, Petplay Polycule Open Fire, Wasted Potential and Pareidolia Shadow) will have vinyls and I am so excited for you to hear the final version, as I consider the split some of my best work (and Meltdown one of my favourite sets I've played, even if it is more improvisational). Keep it quiet among your friends, but you are my patrons and heard it here first! I intend this year to be a lot of smaller releases before diving into releasing more records.
This is a WIP, will upload when it is closer to being done. It is considered a Noise Diary - a term getting more ambiguous - merely due to similarity to other Noise Diary releases.
Here are some spooky, liminal space silent hill skibidi drones made with a yamaha PSS-170, chase bliss generation loss, strymon nightsky, boss DD-7. Did it about a week ago when bored and out of compositionally creative ideas for the collective noise diary. Besides, you all gave me some samples, here's some back (so they are free for all). Not entirely in numerical order as some got corrupted - spooky! Have fun. Use them for your noise song, your video game, your tabletop campaign or to scare your housemates into having sex quieter - whatever. As always, no royalties, just credit (unless you are signed to a major label then pay up).
Here is a redux of an old song made originally just for soundcloud that I always was fond of, remade with everything I have learned about production, mixing and sound design over the past 7 years. It has a different structure too and more instruments added - notedly vocals.
Specifically, I have learned the importance of dynamic range (NOT brickwalling everything), frequency seperation/masking (eq'ing out frequencies you can't hear in the overall mix to eliminate mud when not wanted, giving each track its own space in the frequency spectrum) and taming resonant frequencies so your ears don't get too sore and tired unless intended. The other thing I am learning - especially with ambient-esque songs - is the importance of pacing. I often rush things and make things too dense, likely due to my ADHD. I am slowly trying to let things sit for a bit and build up. I got it right on "golden flower" and it was an issue on the demo/soundcloud version of validation pyre - so this newer version is a teeny bit longer so the crescendo has more payoff. I also tried to make the crescendo build up more naturally - the atonal orchestral samples (from xenakis or ligeti? its past copyright and I loooove modern classical) are higher in the mix, with the dissonance creating tension before big organ-esque sample comes in.
Finally, while I did add vocals to this one as I felt a big scream would be nice at the end - I don't feel like all my songs need vocals. However I often add them as adding my voice to a song makes it recognisably 'uboa' - my clocky, young-sounding (I am in my mid-30s), breathy, soy and self-taught contralto doesn't sound like much out there. Part of it is my lack of voice training (other than often aiming for higher notes and using breath) and the other part is my autistic-australian accent.
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Interesting fact: australian accents are generally more masculine, with women speaking much lower than americans (we're more comparable to some european accents, like english cockney which is my dad's accent) as we tend to relax our vowels and use less nasality (I am unusually nasal). It means when we do voice train we often get an american accent, especially if autism is in the mix too. I kinda like my accent and my voice didn't drop too low, so I kinda keep it as it is mostly. I always do still get envious of how feminine US accents (and other accents) sound - it is interesting how culturally relative passing and even dysphoria can be.
However, I feel a few compositions don't need vocals to work and often worry about 'forcing' them in. Hopefully they fit in this one, but expect a few more instrumentals in the future. I just hope they still are recognisably uboa.
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This was made for an upcoming compilation called "She/Her" showcasing transfem musicians - so it is behind the paywall so people get the compilation instead (except y'all, the trve uboa fans). It will also have a seperate master too. There will be a link to it when it is out, and will use a seperate new master.
One day I'll put all these compilation and one-off releases together in a big "selected works" once all their charities/comps have run their course. Which means mixing/mastering them to be coherent with each other ... not looking forward to that lol. But I love doing one-offs without the expectation of the song being part of an LP, it takes off the pressure and allows me to experiment more freely.
Edit: 3/6/25 - this is still going! now multiple songs worth! please keep sending things through!! first song coming soon when throat is repaired!
Announcing an idea I've been wanting to try for a long time - making sound collages out of what you send me. I did this ages ago with my old discord server (which I disbanded due to the fact my mental health, and that of many of the members, was terrible at the time) and still want to do the idea. Here's the details.
-no samples longer than 1:30. WAV preferred, but mp3 accepted also
-send as many samples as you want -Will use it to make a noise-diary-style impro song -Song will be available for free on the free tier -any melodic samples are preferred in the key of c minor (natural) -you have to make them yourself, no copyrighted stuff even if its a free song -add how you want to be credited in either sample or folder or samples (will forget if just in email) -noise, instruments, drones, vocals, field recordings all accepted... as long as it doesn't intentionally sound silly -WAV preferred, ideally 16bit or more, but Mp3 also fine. convert other file formats before sending because ableton can get weird with them. -if sent sooner, will be in whatever I make in the next 6-8 hours. If it's late, it will be in the next song, so you don't have to rush. Hell even send something in a few weeks, although I'll be more busy with tour prep then -if you want to do vocals, if there are lyrics please provide them. -no nazis (doubt I would have any nazis as fans) -yes, if a friend wants to send something, they can -send via DM here (with a dropbox/google drive link) or email to uboatheflesh@gmail.com -yes, you can also provide ideas for the title of the song too, or if you have a specific direction in mind I can try to accomodate. I will not be doing anything as elaborate as something off impossible light as I simply don't have the energy
Sorry for nothing for a bit. Been (surprise!) unwell again. Anyway, have a 15+ minute long song.
I was originally just planning to do a noise diary entry for some comps i've been asked to do but it kinda ... got a little out of hand. It's still a WIP with only minimal vocals. Was originally jammed out on my gear noise-diary style, but kinda grew. It's still not complete I think - maybe some singing will be added, an intro and probably a more decisive end. It's not only an ode to my recent bout of chronic fatigue-causing illness, but also to the work of Tourette and Tim Hecker. I am considering making the song longer, maybe with a sludge section if it fits. It's continuing the more 'analogue' sound of recent compositions - even if everything is still done very much digitally on ableton.
Because I couldn't decide upon a name, it has two - one for each vague section of the piece. It has some similarities to the last piece insofar as the noise is very 'spasm-y', as in very fast cut-ups. A lot of this was done using a handheld radio with a broken battery case, so whenever the batteries are not squeezed in, it would cut in and out in a compelling way. Also featuring a chase bliss generation loss (a pedal that mimics analogue tape distortion) on both the radio and hydrasynth - specifically with heavy emphasis on the 'failure' feature, which also cuts things out randomly (as does digitalis and dent 2).
It's a WIP so no download for now unless you want to blackhole from patreon's player. Not too sure if it is a noise diary as it wasn't made under noise diary time constraints and rules (the rule being - bake down the jam to stereo WAV, multitrack editing only can be done later - and take no longer than a day). However, it is basically a big improvised jam, albeit edited later.
The hum/beep towards the end is the Voyager 1 probe - the most distant man-made object from earth. Specifically, it is the images sent with the golden record which are decrypted via instructions on the record itself. Without decryption, its just a weird noisey sound.
I am a big space nerd, and have been since I was young. I too have a desire to be as far away from earth as possible and see the stars (or more likely for the voyager proves, the oort cloud). Also, the hum of the voyager becomes the basis of the harmony on the synth for the final section. The more fatigued I am in this body and on this planet, the more space compels me.
No idea what release this will be for. It's long enough to be it's own EP.
Hope I get some answers soon from the doctors. I suspect I know what it is - a hint is in the title. Stay safe - the world has been fucked recently.
edit: violet think this is done and shouldn't be touched and thus is 'done'. Will pop under noise diary for now, as it was done in a day. It might be part of an EP? who knows. Will decide later.
Mp3 has no tags, so just pop it as the above for now.
merry xmas/Hanukkah. Here is another Iconoplast WIP - based on a recording of violet and orchid jamming and me laying stuff on top - a lot of stuff, so much that I need more from them! We have an album's worth of jams I am slowly editing (before sending it off back to violet and orchid to add to it).
It's also to raise awareness for Orchid's fundraiser for FFS and general healthcare, here's the post and link.
Hey everybody, Violet and I’s gf Orchid (the three of us are Iconoplast) has made a fundraiser for both FFS and general healthcare.
On top of needing FFS she is a cancer (Hodgkins lymphoma …twice) survivor (leaving her with lots of problems despite remission and has several other disabilities and health issues. She needs a psychiatrist for AudHD and PTSD and a speech pathologist for muscle tension dysphonia (she cannot voice train - or sing - until it is properly treated, making her dysphoria worse). Likely will need a gastroentologist and physio too - but she is not on either the NDIS or DSP (we are trying).
All of which was delayed by an extended period of homelessness. So she’s had a rough one and needs your help.
Please donate and share if you can. I know there are quite a few trans gfms posted - but trans women are often broke and fighting for our lives. Shit has only been getting worse for us (even down under as our healthcare system is busted and no surgery is covered publicly) so please donate what you can.
We love our silly orchid and she deserves good health and a life free of dysphoria
Preview of the Meltdown set (or EP), now entitled "Every Reactor Four a Friend", recorded at RB and (nearly) remastered. The set was recorded in full and I've remastered it, awaiting feedback from my label if they are interested in releasing it. This song is much more 'traditional' death industrial in the style of Pharmakon and Puce Mary - however with orchestral strings. The other songs are more harsh noise and ambient in the line of The Sky May Be and the release is loosely the same length. Since its a baked-down live set, the only overdubs are samples already played in the set but doubled for emphasis, as I cannot remix everything else (all instrumentation was baked down into a stereo L/R, leaving only vocals and guitar amps mixed).
Claire Westover (of The World at a Glance) provided violin and Thomas Lidgerwood (my housemate) cello (both as samples, not on stage). Both recorded in my granny flat home studio.
Y'all will hear the full thing soon, just awaiting feedback from the Flenser on if they will have time to release it (they often have a very busy schedule).
Hello everyone. been a while again, and we have chronic fatigue to thank for that. Here are some little noises to use royalty (but not credit) free for your music. Lots of granulator glitches, cut ups, eerie drones and strange sounds in general. Hope you dig it. New song hopefully soon after some good health days. 24bit 48k, so DVD quality.
Also provided the albeton effects rack used to make them. All it indeed a single input or noise (such as a laptop mic, like me) and then go hog wild with all the settings. You might need to pick up kiloheart's Disperser (fantastic noise plugin, get it if u can!) too. But should do crazy sounds even with the default Ableton ones and you cannot be bothered getting the missing VSTs, of which there should on be two.
Basically, you put any sound through them - including shitty microphone signal which feeds back with the laptop speakers - and you can make futuristic horrid noises with the FX chain and by automating and modulating in real time, just like a real noise artist twiddling a knob on a guitar pedal.
Here is the rack, minus reverb (which is optional)
First two are LFOs. LFO's modulate random parameters to keep the sound 'organic' and 'moving'. Then there is a shifter which does pitch shifting and ring modding. then distortion (especially if input source is quiet + optional bit crushing.
Next the drum buss for saturation, transient control. Granular delay which is very fun to modulate live to get wet, semi-organic, Sophie-style noises.
Then, an OTT - the secret spice of compression, to get the most out of the input signal, sound loud, beefy and modern. Then, if one desires, it may be chopped up by a group of 5 beat repeats (panned around, and each are unique in their settings), which chop the signal in various ways into a glitchy swarm.
A resonator is added, although still mid on this as I think its a sometimes thing. It could be used to for some tonality or make dronier sounds. Autofilter + LFOs are used to make choppy computer sounds and squealches. Low pass I modulate as needed, depends if I want a dronier, fuller or hissier sample.
Finally, a pretty heavy compressor, using slow-attack to increase 'kicks' into the sound for percission reasons. Then a shaper, to make various parimeters more organically unprediactle. FInally a victor delay. I don't quite get it. But its fun and made things sound more like space lasers.
Input samples are mostly laptop micophone feedback, but also me and my partners talking and watching tv and playing games (like maple story lol) so there might be subtle signs of this in the feedback.
To use the samples in all your projects, only credit is needed! Will require latest copy of ableton 12 for the ADG - the effects rack used to make the samples - to work! Feel free to modify the effects rack to your liking, turning on an off effects mid recording or add new modules, and don't forget to record them from an empty track (with its input in the track making the sound)!. With the samples: cut them up, stretch them. Use them for your horror game. Turn them into weird drum machines or pitch shift them down or just play them randomly to your parents.
Anyway, I am tired. Sound design is fun. Have fun.
Here is an audio-only preview of a new project with (one of) my gf(s) Orchid, aka Twinsoul . It's atmospheric harsh noise (this song is much more on the atmospheric side), and we're working on more songs. She gave me permission to pop it here. It's kinda spooky so happy belated Halloween i guess.
Here is another song for the same thing as Banksia Grave, likely the first song on the record/ep/whatever. Using a VST based on the Federation Bells for the first half, and my home piano for the second half. It's sad, and noisey and very much a "typical Uboa song." Predominantly made in bed with Health Issues, however I finally gained enough strength to finish it in my home studio. Feels similar to Detransitioning in vibe and structure.
The federation bells use just tuning (fundamental note being D, or 73hz) while the rest of the instrumentation uses just standard 12 EDO in D minor. Because they share the D note, they cohere quite a bit more than I expected.
Another noise diary song, this time a little more quiet/subtle, and produced in a more plain/lo-fi way more reminiscent of my older 2019-era work (like The Origin and The Absolute).
It uses also synth jams - the first part from 2020 (using a minilogue) and the second half from 2015 (!) using a MIDI keyboard as a basis. The latter I had found on an old HDD, the songs they were used for were not very good, so I pillaged the samples (from 9 years ago, I rarely delete my unfinished or even 'bad' songs).
I've been wanting to try more subtle composition again recently using less elaborate production and more focus on simple emotion - I find spending 100 hours mixing a song out of countless elements doesn't guarantee a good composition and can often intimidate me out of feeling creative. The Origin was very lightly layered - most songs only having max 10 layers (compared to IL's max of 150!). This one is around 20. Having things hidden behind here helps too - I get a little less inhibited composing how I want to when less eyes are watching (at least for now).
It was made in bed, exhausted and both physically/mentally drained staring out of my window - looking out to the flowers in the front yard in the sun. It sounds tired, but not necessarily 100% bleak. The vocals were recorded with a field recorder while wrapped in sheets and sleep deprived, and only in a few takes. My singing is more ...folky/whispery rather than polished. Whenever I am unwell, pitch always takes a hit and I sing lower and slightly less in key. But this is similar to the singing on the Origin, and thus a little more vulnerable. Likewise, it is very dry sounding - just compression, eq, subtle room reverb and some slight saturation. It is also recorded stereo, so both layers kind pan around you, giving that 'intimate' effect that I kinda stopped doing after The Origin, mostly due to me having a lot self-cringe and dysphoria brainworms about my voice to this day.
Currently considering putting some of the noise diary songs together for a record (or two, depending how they fit together. I'd be curious to see how they flow together, and also going back and doing 'definitive' versions of each track. If not all the tracks flow together, I might need to make more in order to create a sense of narrative between the two - which is always a good writers block breaker. I like the idea of doing something more obviously noise, more lo-fi and less grandiose than IL for a change. Something more ...domestic sounding - rather than big and alien.
The song and the lyrics are about the sameyness each day tends to be when one is chronically fatigued, similar to a few of the last noise diary entries. However sometimes lyrics mean more than what I intend them to however, as the unconscious is always up to something.
Another interview because I can't seem to shut up. This time for New Noise magazine (US). Posted here again so they are all accessible from one location. This one mostly focused on IL.
Here is a WIP of a song written around the same time as Impossible Light (2018). I recently made a second attempt at recording vocals and gave it a complete remix. An older mix was posted on soundcloud years ago, where my vocals were only scarcely in key.
I am really happy with how this song is turning out, but it still think I need to push myself further as a vocalist and mixing engineer. The song is in B minor, so I have to sing at the very bottom of my range, which isn't my favourite thing to do. No download as this will be canonically released in a record. Title is a reference to Jaques Lacan, who I was an avid reader of back in 2018.
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(CW: Sex work, Drug Abuse, Suicide, Eating Disorders)
It's an industrial (nu-)metal song, taking cues from deftones, ada rook, bjork, sewerslvt (it has breaks) and isis. Very little noise, and even has a pop-like structure. The lyrics are below, and detail a fictional character a Hikikomori camgirl and her ex-girlfriend, who passed away. It is however based on what I was going through in 2018.
