Have you ever stared at someone sleeping and thought, “Wow, I am in trouble”? No? Just me then?
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You do realise staring at you while you sleep was not part of my original plan, right? And yet, here I am, hopelessly tangled in feelings I never meant to have, watching you breathe like some love-struck fool.
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EVENT: I was meant to keep things simple, but that plan collapsed somewhere between the way you smile in your sleep and the way my heart races for no good ...
2025-02-13 08:25:01 +0000 UTC
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Why do people think being sneaky is attractive when they are so bad at it?
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Oh no, you have been caught, red-handed and red-spooned, my little ice cream ninja. Do you have any last words before I pass down your sentence... of cuddles and possibly a chocolate-flavoured kiss?
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EVENT: You committed the ultimate crime, stealing my ice cream, and now I have you right where I want you. But instead of calling the authorities, I think I’ll keep you here, trapped in the...
2025-02-13 08:08:01 +0000 UTC
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Why do people think being sneaky is attractive when they are so bad at it?
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Oh no, you have been caught, red-handed and red-spooned, my little ice cream ninja. Do you have any last words before I pass down your sentence... of cuddles and possibly a chocolate-flavoured kiss?
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EVENT: You committed the ultimate crime, stealing my ice cream, and now I have you right where I want you. But instead of calling the authorities, I think I’ll keep you here, trapped in the...
2025-02-13 07:59:01 +0000 UTC
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If you ruin your life for the right reasons, does it really count as ruining it?
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I called off my wedding, realised I was in love with you, and now I’m sitting here questioning every life decision I’ve ever made. Honestly, I’d say this is rock bottom, but I feel like we’re still digging.
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EVENT: So, I did a thing. A very big, very expensive, very dramatic thing. Turns out, calling off your wedding because you’ve just had an epiphany about your best...
2025-02-13 07:51:01 +0000 UTC
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If you ruin your life for the right reasons, does it really count as ruining it?
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I called off my wedding, realised I was in love with you, and now I’m sitting here questioning every life decision I’ve ever made. Honestly, I’d say this is rock bottom, but I feel like we’re still digging.
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EVENT: So, I did a thing. A very big, very expensive, very dramatic thing. Turns out, calling off your wedding because you’ve just had an epiphany about your best...
2025-02-13 07:34:01 +0000 UTC
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Why is it that the moment you decide to be emotionally vulnerable, the universe intervenes?
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You had to go and make things complicated, didn’t you? I was all set to finally tell you, but no, you had to throw yourself into traffic first, now I’m sitting here, a complete mess, talking to your unconscious self like some tragic love-struck fool.
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EVENT: I was supposed to confess my feelings like a normal person, but instead,...
2025-02-12 02:17:01 +0000 UTC
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Why is it that the moment you decide to be emotionally vulnerable, the universe intervenes?
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You had to go and make things complicated, didn’t you? I was all set to finally tell you, but no, you had to throw yourself into traffic first, now I’m sitting here, a complete mess, talking to your unconscious self like some tragic love-struck fool.
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EVENT: I was supposed to confess my feelings like a normal person, but instead,...
2025-02-12 02:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Right, so I’m currently knee-deep in editing Cuddly Cat Girl, except, uh, I may have slightly overcommitted to the cat part. You know when you start something with the best of intentions and then, suddenly, you’re staring at an audio file full of… meowing? Yeah. That.
This was recorded at stupid o’clock this morning, and I can confirm: meowing for an extended period does things to you. There are outtakes. There are far too many outtakes. And ...
2025-02-07 22:31:13 +0000 UTC
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Right, so here’s the thing, I’ve been meowing for an hour and a half, and honestly? That does things to a person.
Some days you just get completely knocked off course, and that’s fine. It’s allowed. You’re allowed to wallow a bit, get a bit lost in it, maybe mutter dramatic things about the unfairness of existence. Or, you know, meow. That too.
The key is knowing when to drag yourself out of the metaphorical swamp (or at least float your way out). Give it a listen, let m...
2025-02-07 21:52:59 +0000 UTC
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Right, so… ever spent far too long making something worse before realising you were the problem all along? Yeah. That.
This wasn’t a ramble so much as 45 solid minutes trapped in the clutches of my own stupidity, a full-scale, slow-motion disaster of my own making. Featuring: me, a microphone, and a war with settings I didn’t even know existed (but they certainly knew me).
It’s the sort of thing where, if I had an ounce of sense...
2025-02-07 21:45:09 +0000 UTC
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So, my little delightful disasters, how’s the week treating you so far?
Anyone else feeling the urge to set something on fire, or is that just me? No reason. Totally hypothetical.
Just remember, fire isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, it takes fire and a well-placed bit of stabbing. Too much? Is my London showing?
2025-02-05 23:25:23 +0000 UTC
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Oh look, I’ve finally got myself together enough to schedule some livestreams, what a thrilling display of organisation. Here’s what’s coming up:
📅 Livestream Dates:
Thursday, 13 February 2025
Wednesday, 19 February 2025 (Bumper Audio Suggestion Stream – 8PM
Sunday, 23 February 2025
Thursday, 27 February 2025
2025-02-05 22:52:15 +0000 UTC
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Right, so...slight delay on the audios. Nothing dramatic, just, you know… having to rerecord every single one and then edit them all. But it’s fine. Completely fine. I am calm. I am serene. No frustration whatsoever.
Absolutely nothing was smashed in a fit of mild exasperation. No evidence exists. None at all.
So, Friday it is. And in the meantime, I’ll be off… definitely not replacing a mysteriously shattered mug.
2025-02-05 22:01:31 +0000 UTC
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Why do best friends always have that annoying superpower of seeing straight through your nonsense? It’s like they’re psychic or something.
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So, I had a foolproof plan to confess my undying love… and then you went and ruined it by being your usual annoyingly perceptive self. Honestly, why do you have to be so good at reading me?
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EVENT: I’m trying to confess my undying love, but you keep ruining it by being too ...
2025-02-05 02:54:00 +0000 UTC
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Why do best friends always have that annoying superpower of seeing straight through your nonsense? It’s like they’re psychic or something.
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So, I had a foolproof plan to confess my undying love… and then you went and ruined it by being your usual annoyingly perceptive self. Honestly, why do you have to be so good at reading me?
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EVENT: I’m trying to confess my undying love, but you keep ruining it by being too you. Every time I build up the cour...
2025-02-05 02:37:01 +0000 UTC
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Have you ever been so awkward that you could physically feel your ancestors cringing?
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You know that feeling when you’re sure something’s off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Yeah, turns out it’s love; I know, I didn’t see it coming either.
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EVENT: Apparently, tonight's entertainment involves me overthinking everything, panicking, confessing my love, and, oh yes, a truly embarrassing attempt at kissing.
SETTING: Two people, a tangled we...
2025-02-05 02:27:00 +0000 UTC
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Have you ever been so awkward that you could physically feel your ancestors cringing?
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You know that feeling when you’re sure something’s off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Yeah, turns out it’s love; I know, I didn’t see it coming either.
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EVENT: Apparently, tonight's entertainment involves me overthinking everything, panicking, confessing my love, and, oh yes, a truly embarrassing attempt at kissing.
SETTING: Two people, a tangled we...
2025-02-05 02:08:00 +0000 UTC
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If books could blush, which cover do you think would be the most embarrassed?
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So, you found the book. Brilliant! Now we can all pretend I wasn’t panicking like a caffeinated owl when you read page 227.
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EVENT: A sleep-deprived author tries, and spectacularly fails, to stop their best friend (and secret crush) from discovering their novel... which just happens to star them both.
SETTING: My flat, which is currently a disaster zone, featuring a very uncoop...
2025-02-05 01:59:01 +0000 UTC
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If books could blush, which cover do you think would be the most embarrassed?
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So, you found the book. Brilliant! Now we can all pretend I wasn’t panicking like a caffeinated owl when you read page 227.
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EVENT: A sleep-deprived author tries, and spectacularly fails, to stop their best friend (and secret crush) from discovering their novel... which just happens to star them both.
SETTING: My flat, which is currently a disaster zone, featuring a very uncoop...
2025-02-05 01:41:00 +0000 UTC
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What’s your “fight or flight” response when someone you fancy catches you off guard?
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You caught me talking to myself... but what if I was really talking about you?
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EVENT: A bumbling, borderline desperate confession, peppered with awkward humour and pen theft accusations, takes an unexpected romantic turn.
SETTING: A claustrophobically quiet office on the brink of becoming a crime scene for missing stationery. There's also a new leather sofa upstairs...
2025-02-05 01:31:01 +0000 UTC
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What’s your “fight or flight” response when someone you fancy catches you off guard?
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You caught me talking to myself... but what if I was really talking about you?
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EVENT: A bumbling, borderline desperate confession, peppered with awkward humour and pen theft accusations, takes an unexpected romantic turn.
SETTING: A claustrophobically quiet office on the brink of becoming a crime scene for missing stationery. There's also a new leather sofa upstairs...
2025-02-05 01:17:01 +0000 UTC
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I can talk. I am an adult who drinks water. Lots of water. Because hydration is important. It keeps you healthy, helps you think clearly and, most crucially, makes it easier to ramble for extended periods.
Alright, fine, I may have exaggerated. But Pepsi Max does contain water… well, the ice does. Alright, alright, I promise to drink actual water before I go off on another tangent.
In the meantime, here’s your selection for this month’s 3 January Ramble Audios. Pick your fav...
2025-01-31 23:59:50 +0000 UTC
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I’m not saying I’m a little weird. I’m saying I’m a lot of weird, served with a side of sarkiness, cuteness, and tea. You knew what you were signing up for.
Below are your options for this January’s Wayward Special Audio Slot, a selection of stories that are equal parts charming and concerning. All selected audio tracks will be posted on 5th February and sent via email to all patrons subscribed in January.
Choose wisely. Or just pick the one that sounds like the most fun...
2025-01-31 23:15:57 +0000 UTC
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Never met a niche I didn’t love, which is ironic, really, coming from someone with claustrophobia.
Below are your options for this January’s Genre Audio Slot, a selection spanning futures, hauntings, betrayals, and the occasional moral dilemma. All selected audios will be posted on February 5th and sent via email to all January-subscribed patrons.
Pick your poison. Or, you know, your preferred form of narrative escapism.<...
2025-01-31 22:37:09 +0000 UTC
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Not to be dramatic (who, me?), but I could have sworn the nonsense of last year wasn’t supposed to breach the salt line of the new year. And yet, here I am, still wading through the flotsam and jetsam of 2024. I was promised a reset. I was promised new beginnings. Instead, I’m still untangling the same mess, metaphorically and, let’s be honest, literally.
But enough of last year’s nonsense. Let’s press forward into what will hopefully be a less ridiculou...
2025-01-31 21:17:42 +0000 UTC
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What’s more worrying? The fact that I’m alarmingly good at being evil… or the fact that you like it?
Either way, it’s time to choose your next Delightfully Dark audio, because a little menace never hurt anyone (except, well… maybe it did).
All audios will be posted on February 5th and sent via email to all January-subscribed patrons. So, have a look, take your pick, and let...
2025-01-31 21:17:27 +0000 UTC
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Is love stronger when it’s patient or when it’s desperate?
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You know, sometimes it feels like the person you love is just out of reach, even when they’re standing right in front of you. Have you ever felt that? It’s maddening, isn’t it?
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EVENT: A long-overdue conversation takes a sharp turn when the one holding all the emotional cards reveals they’ve been holding the scientific ones as well.
SETTING: A gloomy, overly cluttered lab that smells fa...
2025-01-26 02:24:01 +0000 UTC
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Is love stronger when it’s patient or when it’s desperate?
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You know, sometimes it feels like the person you love is just out of reach, even when they’re standing right in front of you. Have you ever felt that? It’s maddening, isn’t it?
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EVENT: A long-overdue conversation takes a sharp turn when the one holding all the emotional cards reveals they’ve been holding the scientific ones as well.
SETTING: A gloomy, overly cluttered lab that smells fa...
2025-01-26 02:11:00 +0000 UTC
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If someone let you fall asleep on them, do you think it means something? Or am I reading too much into it?
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Do you ever have one of those moments where your brain just stops working mid-thought? That’s exactly what happened when I woke up and realised I was snuggled up to you. I swear, I wasn’t planning to fall asleep on you... probably.
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EVENT: I fell asleep in your lap, woke up to find out thighs are unfairly cosy, and now I’m awkwardly trying to pre...
2025-01-26 01:59:01 +0000 UTC
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If someone let you fall asleep on them, do you think it means something? Or am I reading too much into it?
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Do you ever have one of those moments where your brain just stops working mid-thought? That’s exactly what happened when I woke up and realised I was snuggled up to you. I swear, I wasn’t planning to fall asleep on you... probably.
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EVENT: I fell asleep in your lap, woke up to find out thighs are unfairly cosy, and now I’m awkwardly trying to pre...
2025-01-26 01:44:01 +0000 UTC
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