endlessjess

Groovy Tunes: Mr. Bungle by Mr. Bungle

Someone pledged for me to talk about this band on the next Echo Pod but that was already recorded so i just went ahead and gave it the full Groovy Tunes treatment. If you've never listened to this album or never heard of this band it's my honor to be your introduction. 

This viciously experimental, avant garde, heavy metal acid nightmare/explosive jazz monster party / circus clown panic attack was released in 1991, and in 2007 it got me and my friends through a lot of boring high s...

Curse of The Overpriced Nintendo Games!

Okay, this is the last of these game trailer event reaction videos i've been doing this week. I wasn't expecting to do this, it just sort of happened. Things happen in the blue glow, which is where these videos are, if you couldn't tell by the general vibe of "what the fuck am i doing with myself and what even are video games". 

I put the Endless Jess end card on the last two because they weren't technically me playing games but then i realized tonally they definitely belong in the...

Curse of The X-Box Games Showcase

Oh look another fake media even showing off 0 games. This time it's specifically games that don't exist for X-Box. What it does have is more boring people with microphones glitching out of the world in a fucked up youtube matrix malfunction. 

Video games are a lie and a waste of life. The only thing that's real and true is hot women's sexy bodies. But even that has to be corrupted by our modern world, driven by clickbait algorithms and annoying guys screaming about sneakers. Nowada...

Curse of The Summer Game Fest

E3 is dead and in it's place, here's King Jabroni himself, Jackoff Gayley hosting a barely functional youtube stream with 0 games and a neverending procession of randos talking about games. 

I thought it might be fun to react to some game trailers but i forgot this is 2023 and video games don't get made anymore, so fun is not the word i would use in hindsight. Nightmare would be a better word i think. Hellzone would be another. Toilet-hole, whirlpool of boredom. Glitched out broken...

Death Stranding: An Ocean of Poop

I told you this game was cool. Now i'm finally at the part where i can show you. You thought it was all just gonna be dead body disposal and pizza deliveries forever. Well now what do you have to say for yourselves, now that you get to witness a man hop across ghost buildings to cross an ocean of poop while fighting a shit whale. 

That's what i'm talking about. That's what i've been trying to tell you all along. This game is full of cool stuff like that. I've just been busy doing d...

God of War Ragnarok Part 6 - Woofs

Hey, remember this game? It was a big deal earlier this year wasn't it? I don't know if it still is. Now everyone's talking about Zelder again. There's no way i'm playing that, by the way. I didn't even like the last one that much and building lego cars like the bad Banjo game does not sound like an improvement to me. 

If i want cars, i'll play a car game. Which i did, i just posted an episode of it, and it made me sick of cars. But enough about cars and other games, this game is t...

Evil Within: Sewer Spookin

When we last saw Detective Sebastion Mon he was entering a state of enlightenment from living a thousand lifetimes and dying a thousand deaths in a poop loop subway station like the time BendyDick CumberBunch did that in the Dr Strange Movie. 

Well this time i'm back to normal, cynically complaining about everything and nothing while my aching, aging body fails me and my bones rust into junkyard metal. But then a boss appears. Not just any boss, a sewer boss. Every game's ...

Forza 5 Part 4: The Search For Big Air

In this video attempt to drive down a hill fast which proved difficult to accomplish without my car tripping over itself a few times and rolling into a rock like The Angry Video Game Nerd drinking a Rolling Rock on the Rolling Rocker. Remember that? It was funny back in the day. You gotta believe me. 

Then i search for some sick jumps off which to achieve some big air. Then i do some driving and some talking and some joking and some more driving and joking and talking and that's pr...

Panel-Cast Request: New Frontier

Oh yEahr baBY. Supermans. Batmans. MartianMansHunterMans . WOnDRWOMANMAN. This one's got all of em. Even the ones you don't know anything about like Sgt. Rock and the soldier friends. The Flash, he's there. Running around. Green Lantern. BIG GREEN.

This was a request from a guy who was clever enough to figure out he could substitute his buff movie with a buff comic. When i bring the tiers back i'll probably give comics their own category so if you haven't already, you better start readi...

Katamari: Waffle House Hero

This is the last of the Katamari videos i have. I must have forgotten to post it because it's been sitting for a while, despite clearly being an artifact of great significance. I'd continue the series but i'm pretty sure i finished the game off camera so if you want to see more take it up with Namco and tell em to make a new katamari game, which i will then be too cheap to buy at launch and only pick up years later when it's on sale for 5 bucks. 

In this video i discuss one of my m...

WRESTLING - Double or Nothing 2023

My Klingon blood feud with Jungle Boys continues, more validated than ever, and my ever evolving opinions on MJF continue to shift. This week he's cool i decided. I'm not fickle, I'm complicated. Two things i'll always be consistent on are "fuck jungle boy" and "stop making noise around my house". 

Today's thesis is thank god for the post-event media scrums for being the last place in wrestling where you can still see a wrestler cut a promo. If you don't get what i mean don't worry...

Your Japanese Animes: Gundam 08 MS Team

This one must be viewed on the bitchute because youtube blocked it and i have neither the TIME nor the FUCKING patience to re-edit what is clearly already PERF. Perf is gonna be my new thing. It has been decided. 

Since bitchute Embeds NEVER fucking embed properly here's a back up link just in case the thumbnail fucking FAILS. Random caps lock is my other new thing.

https://www.bitchute.com/video...

The Good The Bad and The Buff

This one actually stumped me, not because there's nothing to say but because everything's been said. Aside from maybe Citizen Kane this is probably the most analyzed, discussed, and acclaimed movie of all time. So giving it a normal review felt redundant, i hate saying shit other people have said.

You know what the movie is, everyone knows what this movie is, and everyone knows that it's literally perfect in every way. So this one leans more toward entertainment than any thoughtful crit...

Reward Tier Shake Up (Time-Out, I'm Dying)

The great reward tier experiment has proven successful. Successful enough to crush a normal man, and even my mighty Titan shoulders are beginning to feel the weight. I have a ton of requests and bonus posts to get through, so before i drown in them i’m gonna unlist some of the higher tiers until i’ve caught up on the ones i already owe.

I’ve enjoyed your recommendations and i hope you’ve been enjoying all the weird and wacky bullshit they’ve inspired in me. Despite the world a...

Curse of The Retron 5

Well, my mind is officially broken and my body no longer understands how to sleep for more than an hour. It's pointless to fight it so i'm back, with one more video today. The kind of video so dumb it could only be placed here at the caboose. End of the line. End of my rope. End of the month. End of all hope.

This video has been warming the bench for months waiting for it's chance to come out and miss one last minute free throw. This is special content, and i mean short bus special. Thi...

Panel-Cast - 8 Billion Genies (and a talking dog too)

I haven't slept in 3 days. The second i click post on this post my head is hitting the pillow not to rise until tomorrow, a new month where i can crawl back onto my hamster wheel and begin the madness all over again. I still have about... 900 movies and animes to review, 40,000 comics to tell you about, a trillion video games, 69 miscellaneous hee-haws, infinity wrestling and at least 27 more funny jokes about Wendys. 

You thought the Curse of the Evas was scary, try the Curse of T...

No More Heroes 3: Murder and Miike

No More Heroes 3 is back. By God we might just see the end of this series this year. I very much appreciate this game's determination to keep getting weirder the closer it gets to the end. Most games would be wrapping things up at this point, but No More Heroes is a series that likes to keep throwing new weird shit at you until the very last post game cutscene. 

In this one episode alone, in the span of about 20 minutes, about 3 or 4 totally unexpected insane things happen out of a...

Terrifier 2: You Can Too

This wasn't a request, so it's just a podcast with a cool thumbnail instead of a full video. I didn't wanna spend too much time on visuals that could be better spent on the stuff you want. I just felt like talking about this one cause i was looking forward to it.

I liked the first one a lot, it was fresh and fun and silly and scary and poopy. I remember doing a video about it forever ago. Not a good video mind you, but certainly a video. I guess i'll link that...

WRESTLING - Night of Champions

The night time is the right time and right now the night is right tonight for fighting. It’s wrestle time on this special night, the Night of Champions. A night to remember, a night of so many champions you can't even remember who is one, because none of the championships matter unless Roman has em.

I can’t keep track of what’s going on in my own life, let alone in the world, let alone in all the other little disparate worlds of my million hobbies. Oh it’s wrestle time again? I ...

Death Stranding - Vae Victis

God. Life. Whatever. Who cares. None of it matters. I can’t even fucking take it anymore. I’m actually dying. I’m literally falling apart and sinking into the void, which i would welcome if it would just hurry up and take me but instead i can only circle the drain for all time, never actually getting to ride the merciful sewer slide to oblivion.

Speaking of abject hopelessness and despair, here’s more Death Stranding. If you know anything about this game you know Sam has a condi...

Evil Within - Achieving Nirvana

I do not lower myself to such base emotions as “gamer rage”, i am above that, but i admit this part tested my patience. It pushed me. You could say it brought me close to the edge. You might even say it pushed me right over the edge to that place where lurks the true evil within. The shadow self, waiting to be confronted, accepted, and incorporated into a more complete spiritual destiny.

In other words this crap made me mad. BIG mad. There’s no controller smashing or yelling, that...

Panel-Cast: Doom Patrol and Stuff

Doom Patrol rules. I must hav said that here before at some point, and it's still true. The old comics - good. The show - good. The NEW comics... Well that's what we're here to find out. (Spoiler: good). 

I'm not here to babble and waste time like usual. This is a quick, aggressive, and lean Panel-Cast, not weighed down by an hour of nonsense like usual. That's my way of saying it ended up being a shorter episode, which could be bad or good depending on how you feel about the Pane-...

Forza 5 part 3, i'm still alive, me.

Another Forza cause i wanna get this series done. There's two more and then i'll do a different game. Maybe finally finish No More Heroes 3 next. Or throw something iwld and unexpected at you. I don't know yet. Therefore no one does. I'm not in the mood for knowing right now. Knowing brings pain. I am ready to make a beast out of myself. 

Bring out the guillotines. That's what i'm saying. But once again my voice goes unheeded, lost in the cacophony of mankind's constant babbling bu...

Panel-Cast: HELLCAT

SeXy WOMANS this time. Lots of Sexy womens.  Poison Ivy, Emma Frost, and coolest of all, Hellcat. Oh you didn't know about Hellcat? Well now you will. She's cool as fuck. She's basically female Daredevil in a sexy cat costume. 

Also.. new baby turtles! Punisher's wife is alive and then gets pissed off! Batman finally just loses for once! All this and more on todays exciting, Amazing Panel-Cast. The only show where a guy talks about comics on the internet! Or at least the only ...

Echo Pod 4 - Pooh Bear and Boo Bray

AAH GOD It's the ECHO POD. Starring me, The Dolphin Master. Today I'm talking about a land mammal. A bear. A stuffed one. Specifically that cuddly little wubbly fluffily fucking tubby little stuffed with stuff we all know, Winnie The Fuggin Pooh Bear. 

Yes it was bound to happen. Someone out there was finally based enough to ask me about pooh, and for your good deed everyone gets rewarded with the 100 acre rant contained within. It's a real wild tirade, man. Wild like Tigger, that ...

Forza Some Morza (Part 2)

So many reviews lately, so little gaming. Let's check back in with that True Blue Glow Bro that you know and see what's going on in Forza. I'm still driving, that's what. I go pretty fast in this one, and get into all kinds of absurd hijinks.

There's some big air i get, some trees i hit, and a whole ass Tony Hawk level stuffed in to the middle of this car game for some reason. Don't look a gift course in the mouth, i say, and this is a 4 Course Forza meal on Wheels. 

Who even...

Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie - Buff Movie Buff

AAAaaaaAAAaAH HEY aRnOLD! This was a really good request. I have a lot of love for this stupid show and a lot to say about this movie, too much. 

You wouldn't believe how much of a pain this video was to make. Oh sure, talk about Hey Arnold, should be easy for me, right? Hell no. Hey Arnold is something i actually care about which makes it a burdensome curse to try discuss at all because i can't say anything without wishing i could say everything. 

This video ...

Who Review: Remembrance of the Daleks

Oh boy someone requested one of my 500 favorite things, Doctor Who. We're going oldschool for this one. Not super duper oldschool, just like 80s oldschool, and that's super duper cool cause the Oldschool Fool's brain is forever stuck in that era anyway.

I used to think pre-Davies era Who was slower than shit. Oh sure there are some stand outs. Genesis of the Daleks is a classic, Trial of a Timelord is underrated as fuck, but on the whole it's just a different style of pacing where every...

Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0 - Buff Eva Buff

It's the end of an era, end of an eva, once more with feeling. Evangelion's thrice in a lifetime (so far) finale. Will it totally womp or be somewhat acceptable? Watch it for yourself to be sure, or better yet watch my cool opinions to be even more sure. Don't worry, i know Evangelion can be a complex thing but Sexy Jess The Eva-Master is here to fill your heads with all the correct thoughts and feelings.

I've had this Eva backdrop set up for a year, going unused, waiting patiently for ...

Death Stranding: Oops! All Goobadoop.

Sam Porter Shits-His-Britches. That's my joke for the evening. What is a Goobadoop? A goobadoop is the goop in your poop and the oops in your poops. Sometimes he's a Goobadoop and sometimes he's a Goopadoop cause i can't decide which sounds funnier. Like how nobody could decide if Boogeyman or Bogeyman sounded scarier so we've all just had to live with both all this time.

One under the bed, one peering out of the closet. Well The Goobadoop is like that but for the toilet, and i guess th...