endlessjess

Firewatch Finale: Finally a Fire to Watch

This game finally remembered to have a fire in it's firewatching simulation. Up until now it's been too busy simulating a midlife crisis. This is the end. The firewatching is complete and the fires have been watched. All one of them. 

I've been getting so many rad and gnarly requests for movies, music, comics and pod topics lately that you'll probably be seeing less of the old Blue Glow. But it ain't going away entirely cause i like doing it, and clearly everyone here likes watchin...

Horrors of The Malformed Men

It's me, the Malformed Movie Man, long lost twin of the Buff Movie Buff, or something. I barely comprehend the plot of this movie because it's unfathomably insane but in this case that's definitely a good thing.

This comes from 1969 and it's directed by some guy they call the "King of Cult", Teruo Ishii. I don't know his other work but he deserves the title based off this film alone.

This is a fucked up and psychotic tale of an insane man on a really cool island full of hideous fr...

Echo Pod 3 - The Baconator and The GOAT

Somehow, due to a clerical error or unforeseen glitch in the matrix, this month i have 2 topics from the same guy. The same guy who made me review the Kevin Bacon classic Tremors earlier in the month is back with even more Kevin Bacon related requests.

This time i'm not talking about his movies, or his acting, or his... whatever else there is about him. No. None of that. It's time to talk about the really important stuff. The man's face. Look at it. How is like that? Why is it like that...

Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood - Night 2

Finally here's night 2 of this year's mania. This took forever because all my funny edits kept getting flagged and i had to render the stupid fucking thing 6 times. 

Night 2 was drastically suckier than night 1, so when that happens i have to make my own fun by letting go of logic and letting myself be the markiest mark this side of Marky Mark. So in this one i get totally, unapologetically worked by the main event because the finish sucked. But you see, the finish sucke...

Panel-Cast: Wolf Dredd and Super Casey

Look at that thumbnail. LOOK. AT. IT.

That is exactly what it looks like. That is a roided up super powered Casey Jones crackling with electricity and about to kill someone with a Hadouken, and beside him is none other than Judge Dredd who just so happens to be a goddamn werewolf today.

Do i even need to say anything more? No. I don't. Just... look at it. I'm not even gonna waste your time with a long post because i know you're dying to know what those images are about. Works of a...

Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood - Night 1

It's mania season again, brother. That doesn't just mean mania itself, it means more wrestling than any human can watch. I'm a week behind on AEW, still haven't seen ROH Supercard, and for the sake of living my life i had to give up on NXT entirely a long time ago. Doesn't matter. I ain't here to be Meltzer, grading every match on earth with a totally nonsensical scoring system while not vetting my sources and posting stupid rumors that derail people's careers. 

I'm here to be the ...

Mad God - Buff Movie Review

Finally, a request that gives me a reason to use my Shudder. There's good shit on there but the lack of a PS4 app means i have to reach all the way to the tv remote and switch the TV to X-Box input. I usually don't have time for tedious errands like that so instead i just default to my ps4 to play Jim Cornette Rants and Jerma streams all day while i sit on the porch smoking cigars and contemplating my despair.

Speaking of despair, here's a whole poopy world full of it. Another one i mea...

Tremors: The Perfect Film

What do you think when you hear the term Baconator? Is it the thing you order at Wendy's when you've gotta be at a fancy wedding and can't risk the spicy chicken blowing your sphincter out? Yes. But it's also Kevin Bacon, the original Baconator, hero to all. Here he is in his prime taking out dirtworms, but not just any dirtworms, big, huge, giant ones.... with smaller snakier worms inside.

If you don't have any idea what i'm talking about than you're either too young to know o...

Your Japanese Animes: Mononoke

It's anime time baby. Got another Sushi Swine Request sliding down the slop chute. This time it's a weird one. I've seen this show described as a hidden gem or a cult classic. I don't know how big of a fanbase it really has but i know it came out in 2008 and in all that time i've never heard of it, so that checks out. 

It may be hidden but is it really a gem? It may be cult but is it claaaassiiicc? There's only one dude who can figure that out for sure and that dude is my dude, me....

I am Fight Club.

This is the true Fight Club video. The Fight Club of Fight Club videos. That previous one was just a prelude to the real Project Mayhem, which is my actual life and multiple selves. I have evolved into another me again and now you face the furious fun of a fully fucked filmbro filling the air with philosophies and feelings for the forbidden film. 

You brought this on yourself, person who requested this. You wanted me to break the first two rules of my religion. You've forced my han...

Death Stranding: Bath Baby and Bret The Hartman

The game that refuses to die returns again, but this time with... actual progress. Now that the 6 episode detour of me carrying dead guys around the entire world and delivering pizzas is finally done we can get to the fun part of the game which is me riffing on cutscenes. 

But first we gotta give da baby a baff. Norman Reedus is exhausted and covered in crud so he's gotta relax for a moment and scrub the bugs off his butt with the old rag on a stick, while his fetal-friend floats a...

Evil Within 1 - Another Horrible Boss

The Evil Within 1 hasn't won yet, I'm still in there, tenacious, no matter how many crap boss battles it throws at me. I'm trapped within The Evil Within like those Germans in that submarine in Das Boot. But i'm gonna rise from these depths of doom, just you wait. 

By far the worst thing about this game is the insistence on making every boss fight a combination insta-kill/puzzle room. The actual combat is decent enough when it allows you to just fight. 

But Evil Within's...

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion

This is one of those "quirky" indie games, if you couldn't tell by the title. You're a little vegetable maniac going around talking to other berries and veggies, killing snails, and ripping up bills. It controls fine and i guess it's sort of cute and funny. Whatever, it's self-explanatory. One of those games that really only exists to make me do a bunch of funny voices until i get annoyed which usually takes around 17 minutes. 

It's late so i'm winding down and looking for a movie ...

Crimson Skies: High Road To Revenge

Okay so first i thought people might wanna see me play High on Life even though it looks like an unfunny pile of crap and is made by an alleged sex pest. But despite already being downloaded it needed to update so i'm like screw it, it's probably lame anyway. 

So then i thought alright how about that Tunic game? That looks like a fun little zelda style adventure with a cute little fox guy or something. But no. That too demanded i sit and scratch my butt for an hour waiting for it t...

Star Trek Online - more like Toilet Trek

Here's a game with all the promise and potential in the Galaxy, squandered on a bunch of online bullshit. Crappy controls with a hud that fills 90 percent of the screen with stupid pointless bullshit and a gameplay loop that seems to be 100 percent scouring barren palette swap planets for minerals and loot.

Why is it so hard to make a cool Star Trek game? All they have to do is let me explore and talk to aliens and bang chicks, it's not complicated. But instead we have this failed exper...

Crazy Taxi (Bad Music Edition)

Finally the fated day has arrived where i play Crazy Taxi. Unfortunately it's the newfangled version with some of the lamest music ever created. This is one of the worst war crimes ever unleashed on an unsuspecting populace. I assume the story here is that some fool somewhere didn't do his due dilligence in maintaining the soundtrack rights, so this re-release had to replace all the iconic Offspring and Bad Religion tracks with dogshit generic emo-poofter-ass-rock.

I mean they didn't HA...

Firewatch Part 5: Trapped In The game

Hey we're finally getting close to the end of Firewatch. We're on Day 77 now according to the game, which is also exactly what it felt like. This game took me 1 night to play through but i felt like The Holocene Man watching an entire epoch pass by. Except that would be significantly cooler than playing this game.

I wish i was a caveman living forever. I would have been all over history, man. I would have banged Cleopatra. I mean i'm sure a lot of guys did, she was famously loose, but i...

No More Heroes 3 Part 15 - Sonic Juice

This is the coolest boss in the game. Just look at him. He rules. He looks cool, he has a fun boss fight gimmick, a cool looking arena that's got fish floating around it, and he also fills the role of Boss that is actually friendly and reasonable to Travis that every game has one of.

I loved the gimmick of this fight, which i won't spoil here. But what i didn't love is me taking too long to figure out the trick and sitting there for 20 minutes loving it less and less as my irritation ro...

Talkin About Fight Club

Okay look, one of the Buff Movie Buff Patrons requested Fight Club. Jeez, man. Why don't you also request that i drive without a seatbelt and smoke a hundred cigarettes while you're at it, cause you know damn well I'm not supposed to do that. Somebody didn't pay attention to the first two rules of Fight Club and now i have to betray my firmly held morals by breaking them, both of them.

So this is the first of TWO videos about Fight Club. Because i have so many thoughts and feelings abou...

Buttchugger Blog: Tubi Tales

Today i'll be reviewing some of the films i've recently seen on Tubi, the only streaming service i actually like. It's free with ads and genuinely has a selection that dunks Disney plus in the toilet and shoves Netflix into a locker. I pay for like 6 of these fucking stupid things and the one that's free is consistently the one i watch most and get the most entertainment out of.

No, i'm not being paid by Tubi to say this but i wish i was. The selection on there has an insane amount of v...

RRR - Buff Movie RRReview

This movie was very successful and had a lot of buzz but none of that convinced me to watch it until a heroic Buff Movie Buff requested it. I haven't had my ass kicked this hard since my last Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

This movie takes place somewhere in India in the 1920s or something. The British are occupying and that sucks but it doesn't seem that bad all things considered. Literally any time and place in the history of Earth before the internet seems like a fantastical paradis...

Your Japanese Animes - Ranking of Kings

Another Sushi Swine Recommendation fell down my chimney. A sushi swine can be demon or angel, generous or mischievous, a bountiful blessing or a terrible curse. This was definitely the former. It's true, it finally happened. The mythical good anime has finally been found. 

Ranking of kings supreme quality is so immediately apparent, within the first few minutes you can tell it blows every other current anime out of the fucking water without even trying. It feels like the best quali...

Your Japanese Animes - Ojamajo Doremi

The nefarious sushi swine, Zane chained me in the dungeon and forced me to watch this. A cute noodly witch anime from the late 90s. I vaguely remember the 4kids version on tv but this sadistic swinus-american demanded i watch it in Japanese, so i did. And i didn't just phone it in by watching 1 or 2 episodes, i go the extra mile for my weebs. I watched somewhere around 100 episodes of this brain-sugar and now my skull has cavities. 

I also watched some of the dub for comparisons sa...

Buff Movie Review: American Pop

I am a dishwasher. My hands are permanently puckered and i got troubles going back generations. I got rock n roll in my soul and i'm dyin for a dream. Cause some dreams ain't what they seems. Sometimes it seems everything's coming up Milhouse and other times you're just plain coming apart at the seams. Sometimes you waste your entire stupid life trying to be an artist only for it all to be a pointless fucking nightmare that leaves you broken and backed into a corner. 

Maybe a few g...

Panel-Cast Request: Do A Powerbomb

Vacuuminator's request this month was a sick wrestling comic instead of a movie. Very clever. I didn't make a specific tier for comics but now the precedent is set so if anyone wants to substitute their movie/music/anime or whatever for a comic like he did go right ahead. 

I'll have to update the tiers again at some point now that i've had a few months to see what works and what sucks. Maybe then comics can get their own dedicated tier but i'm a little busy drowning in a sea of shi...

ScarySpookyBuffMovieBullshit- House

Working my way through your cool requests, all of which have been rad so far. A prime example of that coolness being this japanese jem from the shrieking 70s. You can tell because this whole movie feels like it was written on 70s drugs. But it was actually written by a small child.

The reason for all the crazy imagery and dreamlike nonsense is because much of the movie came from the imagination of an actual kid. Dude just asked his daughter what was scary or something. I read that on wi...

No More Heroes 3 Part 13: Another One I Forgot to Post

Apparently i went from episode 12 to 14 the other day. I must have subconsciously wiped DestroyMan from my memory because i'm sick of him. This episode features his super lame boss fight and some super cool cutscenes. 

I don't usually post lets plays at the beginning of the month, i have a bunch of movie review requests to get out before i any more gaming stuff. But just this once i gotta post the rare first day of the month lets play because i foolishly skipped it in my end of the...

No More Heroes 3 Part 14: Designated Hater

The grind never stops baby cause when it stops you're dead. That's life and that's No More Heroes 3. With Sniping Lee gone it's time to barrel on toward the final battle and that starts with grinding away at these designated matches to earn a fight with Sonic Juice.

Sonic Juice rules and is easily the coolest of the alien guys. He's the guy I thought was Sniping Lee at first but Sniping Lee turned out to be the other guy who sucked and blew up so I could fight Destroy Man for the 100th ...

Death Stranding -Pizza Hell

Cowabunga dudes! It's pizza time. The sad saga of Sam dealing with those dead bodies is finally over. Now it's time to relax and take it easy with a fun pizza mission, which it turns out is also a hellish nightmare because this is Death Stranding so of course it is. 

Speaking of pizza I just had an awesome slice of one. It was spicy honey pepperoni. Literally pools of honey in those little bowl shaped pepperoni. That's some Hollywood shit right there. 

I also discovered ...

No More Heroes 3 Part 12: At last, Sniping Lee

Finally, the Search for Sniping Lee saga reaches its deeply unsatisfying conclusion. Behold the legend, sniping Lee, in all his glory, for all 2 minutes he's in the game. This is my least favorite boss fight fake out by far, not just because im deprived of Sniping Lee but another Destroyman fight was hardly worth such a great loss. I'm so mad. No wait, I'm over it. The Rocky cutscene redeemed it.

Don't know if I mentioned this but I really love that Jeane the cat tags along on these adv...