The DOGGZZONE welcomes back me, the resident clod. It's quiz time! What movie is made up of equal parts Kindergarten Cop, Cool As Ice, No Retreat No Surrender, Down To Earth, Only the Strong, Duets, Rush Hour, Rocky IV, Almost an Angel, starring an athletic alcoholic sex pest and funded by the D.A.R.E.program?
If you answered, Seanbaby's 2003 mail order classic. "Hunk Along Chastity 3, Clap Slab's Revenge" - partial credit!
I feel a bit calmer.
Ah, there it is. The hose of nonsense that keeps me from growth. Once, this was a Buddhist t-shirt. Now it’s elf. Over 130 large-print pages of elf, without one idea or magic panther. Sun Tzu elf. Jesus elf. There’s probably Nixon elf in here somewhere. None credited...
2025-05-27 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
This is the story of the most British television program ever to exist. It's got everything I associate with Britain: children in weird little Victorian outfits, creepy dolls, the queen of England, and sadness. I've never been to Britain, but I'm sure these are the touchmarks. It's a whimsical children's story about how wishing is bad that ends with one of the main characters burning to death. It's ...
2025-05-26 12:00:14 +0000 UTC View Post
Haha, it’s gonna be May. Remember that? Classic. Alright enough fucking around, because Lydia Bugg fucked around and brought us Dial A Date. Merritt K upset Brockway with a...
2025-05-25 12:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostThis is your brain on Hot Dog.
Have you tried to explain to your friends, family, coworkers, parole officer, or religious official what exactly 1900HOTDOG is? Have you had problems expressing comedy for smart people that somehow makes them dumber, but in a helpful way? That strange paradox of education against your will, but education that you still seek out each day?
You have? Wow, that suc...
2025-05-24 18:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
Author Eddie Vuittonet is a Renaissance maniac. He is uniquely incapable across all aspects of the human experience. There are many other stupid, lazy schemes like his, but he is doing all of them, all at once. You, of course, know him from the wild bird guesses of Prehistoric Birds in Mode...
2025-05-23 12:00:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Well this is what I ordered:
(Thats suppose to be a whistle there on the right)
And this is what i got:
Its a sign of my exhaustion with this decayin world that even though my copy didnt come with the promi...
2025-05-22 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
J.R.R. Tolkien supposedly popularized the phrase "cellar door" as one of the most beautiful in the English language. If he'd spent less time on the ancient mysteries of the aelves and more time crushing ass, he might have realized that "cellar door" is fucking garbage compared to the greatest three word string in history: Pussy. Juice. Lube.
Pussy Juice Lube! What a wonderful phrase! Pussy Juice L...
2025-05-21 12:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostThe DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dennard Dayle to the DOGGZZONE! Quick, name three sexy things. Don't be shy... Correct! Clowns, Christians and beans. Heaving, gelatinous mouthfuls of steaming hot baked beans. BBQ if you're nasty. Now, imagine a book that packs all three of these, (your favorite) erotic ingredients into a violent, (also hot) action/noir. An LLM hallucination that will leave you honking and horny, (on account of those...
2025-05-21 11:59:02 +0000 UTC View PostEnough of some clown's bean fetish, there's TIDBITS to... oh. Oh. it's still pretty bad. It's ok, Dennard Dayle is here to suffer right along with you!
2025-05-21 11:58:00 +0000 UTC View PostThe DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dennard Dayle to the DOGGZZONE! Quick, name three sexy things. Don't be shy... Correct! Clowns, Christians and beans. Heaving, gelatinous mouthfuls of steaming hot baked beans. BBQ if you're nasty. Now, imagine a book that packs all three of these, (your favorite) erotic ingredients into a violent, (also hot) action/noir. An LLM hallucination that will leave you honking and horny, (on a...
2025-05-21 11:57:01 +0000 UTC View Post
If you're a person with the niche interests of baking and terrifying things, you've probably already heard of the legendary 1990s Australian Women's Weekly Magazine's Party Cakes For All Occasions. It's just a normal magazine full of cakes that are not actually for all occasions; they're mostly for children's birthday parties, except that they are the kind of cakes that will cause children to f...
2025-05-19 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostRoll your character. We’re Wood Elf Pissmancers.
In case you didn’t see the announcement a couple weeks back, we’ve got hot new BIGFEETS merch for you. Check it out:
Jason, Seanbaby, and Brockway are with you anywhere you go when you are 2025-05-19 11:59:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Spirit Halloween masks, 'haunted" sex shacks, and hillbilly hack writing make an inept improvised interrogation! Would you expect anything less from the AIMS team?? Yes! All this and less on this week's episode of BIGFEETS!
2025-05-19 11:58:01 +0000 UTC View PostSpirit Halloween masks, 'haunted" sex shacks, and hillbilly hack writing make an inept improvised interrogation! Would you expect anything less from the AIMS team?? Yes! All this and less on this week's episode of BIGFEETS!
2025-05-19 11:57:01 +0000 UTC View PostReal ones know the Doom Guy is Brigham Young.
Some new video game came out recently, I don’t remember what it was. But that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is this week’s shirt, a celebration of the greatest form of Mormonism of all time!
You were there back in the day. You know that stom...
2025-05-17 18:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post
Seanbaby: Hey, Brockway! Guess what. Ventriloquist Dream Date.
Brockway: Ventriloquist Dream Date! Fuck yes, I’ve been telling my therapist I don’t want to live anymore but she didn’t realize it was aspirational.
Seanbaby: It was published in 19̶̼̀♳𝈢 by Poxco Ga̵̲͝m̷͕̈es.
Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we started a two-man band where we both play lead guitar and vocals. It’s like Tenacious D but with no Kyles. Or maybe it’s all Kyles. Whatever. This isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on
The DOGGZZONE welcomes back award winning author, Jason Pargin.
Today we watch "Terror in the Woods" also called, "These Woods are Haunted" but also not called that, or, it IS but the other thing. No one knows... Scared yet? Brought to you by the same subset of Travel Channel's channel channels, that birthed Mountain Monsters, "Haunted Terror Pargin" explores the real life tales of a drunk guy and his quest for lodging...
2025-05-14 11:59:02 +0000 UTC View PostJason Pargin is back! Winning awards as an author. And YOU'RE back for even more tantalizing, tedious tales of terrifyingly typical texts of... the fuck was I typing? Here's more woods spookems.
2025-05-14 11:58:00 +0000 UTC View PostThe DOGGZZONE welcomes back award winning author, Jason Pargin.
Today we watch "Terror in the Woods" also called, "These Woods are Haunted" but also not called that, or, it IS but the other thing. No one knows... Scared yet? Brought to you by the same subset of Travel Channel's channel channels, that birthed Mountain Monsters, "Haunted Terror Pargin" explores the real life tales of a drunk guy and his qu...
2025-05-14 11:57:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Sucker Punch punches. Fuck. Starting over.
It's the distant future, the year 1982. The Earth is ruled by the cruel Emperor Seng I from New York City. Luckily, there's one man with the power to stand up to him and fight for humanity. A man who goes by Futureman. A man who will punch a robot right in the dick on the cover of this comic.
Roll your character. We’re Wood Elf Pissmancers.
This week we’ve got a brand new BIGFEETS design for you. Imagine the look on your coworkers faces when you roll into the office with this display of incredible heroism adorning your shirt. Ok, now stop imagining it and check it out:
Jason, Seanbaby, ...
2025-05-10 18:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Emily Brontë. J.D. Salinger. Vincent V.. Each of them a brilliant author, and each stopped after writing only one perfect book about masturbation. Today we are going to read Vincent V.'s.
Published in 2015, How to Masturbation in 40 Ways describes nearly thirty ways to masturbate. It was also publi...
2025-05-09 12:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Pitching this idea was a mistake. I’d recently seen some talk online about Street Fighter 2 for the ZX Spectrum and I thought, “Wow! I never heard of that! It must be crazy! What a treat!” So, I wrote to the fine owners of this very website and asked if they’d be interested in me putting some words to screen. I mean, it’s a win-win situation, right? I earn a little ex...
2025-05-08 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
The evolution of online culture has achieved a rapidity we never could have imagined in the 2000s. Back then, we had to subsist on what we called "internet fads" for months or even years. We supped upon a thin gruel of Hampsterdances, All Your Bases, and Hello My Future Girlfriends. Mr. T Ate Our Balls! He ate our balls, damn it.
The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dan McQuade to watch "women wrestlers" "fight" in a "competition" conjured up by "Stallone."
Once again, you're going to be required by law to meet your neighbors for ANOTHER awkward conversation after listening to this "fun" episode!
2025-05-20 12:00:11 +0000 UTC
