lily_lxndr

I got married :)

If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard from me in a bit - well, here’s why! It was yesterday. Everything was awesome :)

I’ll be out of office this week, then it’s back to filming this crazy new video, which I and Vic (my producer and freaking WIFE!!!) are really excited about. I’ll share a more substantial update once I’m back!

Thanks for helping fund my wedding 🎉🎊

Q&A at Exposures Trans Film Festival, September 20th

Hi, everybody! A couple weeks ago, “Notes on Vanishing” screened at the Exposures Trans Film Festival. Afterwards, I got on stage for a Q&A with Molly Moss, one of the fest's organizers – we had a great conversation and dug into some interesting topics. My fiancée was kind enough to film it, but the event took place in a big, echoey room, and the audio came out garbled enough that it’s difficult to understand at times. Instead of uploading the raw footage, I’ve decided to ...

September production diary: how can cameras be real if our eyes aren't real?

So much news!!

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Some great things I've read for the next video:

Etienne-Jules Marey: A Passion for the Trace (book)

'A Photograph Steals the Soul': The History of an Idea (chapter of a book)

2025-09-23 17:26:05 +0000 UTC View Post

"Why Are They Yellow?" bonus video: Lily & Vic attempt to review The Emoji Movie

Here's the bonus video! Enjoy Vic being a total delight and movie genius

(Also, someone said they find Patreon's video player annoying - would you prefer that I just upload the bonus vids as unlisted links to YouTube? Let me know!)

Final version out now: "Why Are They Yellow?"

Not gonna lie this version's way better. Music made a big difference!

EARLY ACCESS: Why Are They Yellow?

That smile... that damned smile.

A deep, journalistic investigation into the main topic on everyone's mind these days: emoji. Why are they yellow? And for that matter, why are LEGO yellow?

...Come to think of it, why is everything yellow? Am I dying?

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Huge thanks to Elliot Sang and Foreign Man in a Foreign Land for joining in for this one – highly recommend both their channels, if you're not familiar.

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This c...

Heads-up: video delay

Hey folks, in last week’s production diary I said my new video would be out sometime in July. I was already working a little too hard to hit that deadline… and then yesterday, something crazy happened to me, and basically derailed any shot at hitting the deadline. I’m sure I’ll talk about it more later, but the headline is “I’m okay”.

I’m heading out of town for a quick vacation, after which I’ll return to editing, hopefully refreshed. I’m annoyed to push the release...

July production diary: Me Dooming/Me Blooming

Plant care and a little catch-up :)

TLDR (TIME LILY DOES REVIEWS)

I come to you with recommendations for a beautiful game, album, and webcomic. In order from most to least... whimsical, I guess?

Game: Formless Star. You're a researcher cataloguing the species that populate the surface of an ever-changing star. It's like Pokemon without comba...

June production diary: SPOILER ALERT for the next 6 months of my life

Here are... I dunno, one million videos I'm thinking about making right now?

Get Emily Out of Texas stream VOD

Daniel Johnston's Tiny Desk Concert

"Notes on Vanishing" bonus video: I've been lying to you for years

Now that they've all been found, I thought it'd be fun to go over the 5 messages I hid in "Notes on Vanishing", and why I put them in there. Shocking revelations ahead.

EARLY ACCESS: Notes on Vanishing

Forcing myself to ask an unspeakable question: "Should trans people make ourselves disappear?"

Content warnings: discussion of transphobia & child grooming, footage of an intense police encounter I had.

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Still missing from the final version: credits, a bit of music, a couple minor visuals. If you'd rather wait, the final cut will be on Nebula & YouTube in about a week.

This video was an act of love, anger, and desperation. I put everything into it. I hope yo...

Two scenes from "Notes on Vanishing"

Last night, I trekked out in the cold to shoot these scenes with Vic and LambHoot (who makes damn good video essays about games). I'm pretty pleased with how they came out, especially visually!

These aren't the first scenes in the video (and aren't actually consecutive scenes, either), but this teaser should nonetheless be pretty easy to follow. It only gets weirder from here.

Major revelations in the Bryan Johnson story

Two articles came out this week about Bryan Johnson's dishonest and abusive practices towards women, especially women who've worked for him. Both are well worth a read if you have any interest in Bryan or Blueprint, but I'll summarize them here.

2025-03-24 23:27:51 +0000 UTC View Post

March production diary: local woman discovers ONE WEIRD TRICK to recording the March production diary

I have FOUR WHOLE THINGS to tell you about. I had to trick my brain into actually doing it tho.

0:54 status of the Canada video

3:20 Bryan Johnson developments

5:38 Bumps on the TS TV road

8:30 Notes on Vanishing

(That tinfoil is there so Clementine doesn't jump on the chair and start eating the plants)

TS TV: A Twin Peaks Podcast is out now! Here's our first episode

In my new podcast, my bestie & co-host Sadie shepherds me through the wild world of Twin Peaks, one episode at a time. We announced this show a couple weeks back, but today, the pilot episode (as in the episode where we discuss the pilot) is streaming absolutely everywhere! Here's the description:

The bucolic logging town of Twin Peaks is rocked by tragedy when the town sweetheart, Laura Pal...

2025-02-24 19:19:56 +0000 UTC View Post

Announcing TS TV: A Twin Peaks Podcast

My close friend and collaborator Sadie has been begging me to watch Twin Peaks for years. She finally decided to do it the hard way: start a podcast together where we recap, analyze, and speculate on the show, one episode at a time.

Our intro episode is out everywhere podcasts are found – a short one where we tell you what to expect from the show. From here on out, new episodes drop every 2 weeks, so look out...

February production diary: Observations from the Outrage Vortex

Why I took the DIY HRT video down, and how I've been doing since.

My episode of Something Rotten with Jacob Geller and Blake Hester is only on Nebula right now, but it'll be out everywhere next week. Listen here.

Keep your eyes peeled for an announcement Monday :)

Bonus video: The world's burning! Let's look at some cool art

Here's a short video essay about Marcel Duchamp, eroticism in art, and "Advent" by Nolan Simon, the painting that featured prominently in my DIY HRT video. I really enjoyed putting it together – these quick videos scratch a different itch for me.

You may have noticed that the DIY HRT video is now unlisted on YouTube. I have... so many thoughts and feelings about this, but in short, it's ...

Final version out now! DIY HRT: Everything I Can Legally Tell You (Also...)

Check it out, folks! It has graphics now!!

Also, this Friday at 3PM eastern I'll be livestreaming with my friend Elliot Sang, talking about our outlook on the next couple years, and what's next for the left in the U.S. and Canada. We'll be raising funds for a good organization TBD.

Also also, next Monday I'll be livestreaming with 2025-01-23 05:59:11 +0000 UTC View Post

EARLY ACCESS: DIY Hormone Therapy: Everything I Can Legally Tell You ("basically a podcast" edition)

Hey folks!! Here's a cut of my DIY HRT video, with an important caveat: this version has zero flourishes. The final cut will have lots of stuff happening on screen (info boxes, sources, little jokes), and I haven't added that in yet. Other than that, it's in pretty good shape, so I figure this version's good for anyone who primarily listens to videos while doing other stuff.

I wanted to get this your way now because omg... it's been so long since I uploaded!! And ...

December production diary: criminal of the future :/

(IF YOU ARE MY PARENTS, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO!!! It has a cool announcement I want to tell you in person)

Critics are calling this production diary "incredibly dense", which I'm choosing to take as a compliment! Highlights include:

1. I'll be on a panel in NYC next week. More info here! (page contains some NSFW art)

2024-12-07 03:26:51 +0000 UTC View Post

Quick note, given "the circumstances"

Hey folks,

I'll try to get a proper production diary out this month, but wanted to check in now because I know lots of my audience is American. Not to mention, all of us live in a world that's dominated & held back by U.S. policy, and have reasons to be worried right now.

I wanted to say I'm thinking of you all. I hope all of you are safe, and have any support you need from loved ones. It's not enough but I do still hope it. A good chunk of my week ...

October production diary: Anatomy of a Deleted Scene

Join me as I hobble around on this beautiful autumn day!

Table of contents:

0:00 - Anatomy of a deleted scene

9:18 - Talking about an upcoming video (about nationalism & multiculturalism)

15:30 - Some early thoughts on the "woman employee" tier

I'll leave you with a statement of intent for future production diaries:

BONUS VIDEO: Reviewing Bryan's Bad Kids' Books

Hi, everyone! If you watched to the end of the final YouTube version of Project Blueprint & the Horror of Eternal Life, you know that Bryan Johnson spent a few years as a kids' book author; writing one book about some kids with an AI sidekick, and another about "how you shouldn't be on welfare" (that's a very uncharitable read, but I stand by it).

Here's my review of those books!

In a few days,...

EARLY ACCESS: Project Blueprint & the Horror of Eternal Life

Bryan Johnson is the failed tech mogul/perennial transvestigation target/literal Snake Oil salesman who is trying to live forever by surrendering his life to a mysterious algorithm. My efforts to understand him have led me into the worlds of shell corporations, techno-accelerationism, Japanese cinema, childrens' literature, and Mormon theology – and I've finally come out the other end, only slightly diminished. Older, but wiser.

The above link is not the fin...

EARLY ACCESS: the stained glass scene

Read this before watching!

We filmed this scene from my new video yesterday, and I'm so absolutely psyched with how it came out that I didn't want to wait another month to show y'all. Here's an early cut - music and fine-tuned editing will come later.

It is, however, a HUGE spoiler from start to finish. It comes several chapters into the video, and pays off everything that I spend the previous hour building up to; without that setup, it might be confusing. If yo...

August production diary: THEY WIFED ME, GAL

I got engaged! :)

Also, I have some video stuff to catch you up on. Tune in to hear about new bonus videos! A new Patreon tier! Monthly livestreams! Now that I type it out, my God it's a lot. What a time to be alive.

By the way, what do y'all think of this video format for the monthly updates? Would you prefer I switch back to text? Lemme know :)

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Things mentioned in the...

July production diary: "what if we did Theranos again?"

I can only write about One Thing I'm Obsessed With right now, so this month's production diary comes to you in unscripted video form! Talking about that One Thing, a recent podcast appearance, and how Dan Olson's new video might have changed the game. Enjoy :)

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Things mentioned:

I Saw the TV Glow

I Don't Kn...

EARLY ACCESS: Can Art Save the World?

Here we goooo!! In which I become, to my knowledge, the first person to film a video essay while getting tattooed.

I'll be adding an outro and some voiceover from a very special guest, but it's pretty much finished a week early (which I don't think has ever happened?) Final version will premiere next week :)

Sneak peek (I can't believe I did all this for a video)

"Can Art Change the World?" has finally wrapped! Most fun I've ever had shooting something. Rough cut soon :)