Achewood

My First Cartoon? 1985

Humpaford the Duck, by Chris Onstad, age 10. Birthday Card on Piece of Paper, 8.5"x11". 

My father unearthed this little "piece of history" last Thursday while going through a box of things my beloved Grandma Marva had saved. 

Perhaps the earliest champion of what she recognized as a marginal and unwilling ability in art, Marva once caught me clumsily drawing some of their yard plants on a sheet of typewriter paper and promptly drove me down the...

Assetbar Archive: Unusually Devastating Trip to the Bodega (pdf)

Of men who will dance under warm spring sun in freshly-knotted crowns of yarrow, this story contains none. 

Todd (et al) Embroidered Apparel Coming Soon!

The above video shows just one of the dozens of new designs I've created for embroidering upon the upcoming apparel line.

Several months ago Achewood invested in a 12-needle digitally-driven embroidery machine that is roughly the size and weight of the front third of a horse. We wanted to raise the bar beyond the usual merchandise fare, and I, upon learning how obnoxiously opaque the process of getting artwork digitized for embroidery is, decided to teach myself how to do it. N...

0017 - Ray and Pat in, "Road Trip," Pt. 1

In which two men of decreasingly clear friendship hastily decide to accompany one another on a journey that may reach beyond the comforts of reason. Or will a starving and cash-strapped Ray simply strangle a trebly-conflicted Pat in the parking lot at Chick-fil-A? You know it could go either way. 

Archive photo of computer keyboard belonging to Peter H. Cropes

"Taken May 2010; unknown source"

(I unearthed this specimen, which I believe has not appeared anywhere, while looking for some artwork of Nice Pete for the August 18, 2023 strip, #0016, in which Nice Pete and Téodor discuss the coffee trade.)  

Anatomy of an Abandoned Strip: 1/1/2006

If you would like further glimpses into the untidy mayhem of my comic workspace, please let  me know in the comments, or just hit this with "likes." Sometimes the marginalia of leftovers and unintended juxtapositions create their own pleasant little interpretable situation. 

(And as sad as this sounds, "likes" are actually a useful metric for me, on here, at this place.)

Assetbar Archive: Nice Pete's Cricket Shrimp Horror Story (pdf)

What is it like to encounter Known Author Peter H. "Nice Pete" Cropes out in the high Sierra backcountry? Well, you had better not try to sell him any cricket shrimp, if you know what's good for you. 

0016 - Return of Peter H. "Nice Pete" Cropes

Téodor, experimenting with risotto in a low-sided paellera, is interrupted by Peter H. Cropes, who is not sure how he should feel about a piece of packaging he encountered. 

In the end, Mr. Cropes' cryptic phone call to an unseen colleague suggests that his off-screen machinations are still often fueled by a sense of anger at the way his low beginnings cast him on the stage of the world. 

Assetbar Archive: Ray and Beef's Oscar-Worthy Basketball Game (pdf)

This long-forgotten and tense piece by Ray describes the time he had to rely on Beef to play basketball with, as all his actual athletic friends were out of town. (Completists will reflect and agree that Leo Fontanette, though possessed of fantastic thighs, would have been shit at basketball due to his cigarette habit. Also, Leo Fontanette died in 2006.)

I updated the layout a bit for publishing here. Completists will note that I was still not using color this successfully in 2010.

0015 - Beautiful Dreams

When cats consider cosmetic augmentation, they do not worry themselves with the bits and tips that matter so dearly to you and me. Chief among their notions of vanity are ears with a gently-rounded crest; too pointy, and one is said to be, "putting on the goblin." (Cats have goblins too.) For all his life this mean-spirited accusation has been hurled at poor Roast Beef. Conversely, cats such as Ray, who have ears so rounded their silhouettes are regularly confused for stacks of lemons, are ac...

Shangri-La Interview: Philippe + Lyle (pdf)

Beef is nowhere near getting done documenting the crew's personal visions of heaven, but he thinks he is going to take a breather on this subject for a few and switch to the topics of grut-buggin' (aka "learning to repair his own damn wore-up pant-knees on the sewing machine," with guidance from Molly) and dimple-simpin' (learning to wear a daily sunscreen as an adult male, also thanks to Molly, because he was freaking out over his nose seeming crinkly). ...

Lost Strip: 2009, Téodor Writing Lyle's Biography

I recently came across this fourteen-year-old artboard from March of 2009, and I can't find it anywhere in the published archive or via the dialogue search service, so I suspect it was considered "not good enough" and subsequently lost to the sands of time. Today, in 2023, I actually consider it a perfectly passable strip, and because its content is true to the (fairly loose, admittedly) internal rules of the Achewood universe, I'm posting it in all three tiers, as a fun little treat that eve...

0014 - Hidden Hills Fitness Center

[Vintage newsreel voice] Trips to the gymnasium typically provide ample jumping off-points for a variety of psychological airings-out; pair that with the increasingly hen-bitten disposition of the everyday citizen and you will come to understand why participation in public exercise is on the decline. Can any of us afford the membership, let alone the slings and arrows which darken the air between the bells? 

Fudge By the Gullet-Charge

When the exalted Scottish poet Robbie Burns lamented man’s inhumanity to man, he may have been referring to the tourist attractions in the Wisconsin Dells. Between the towering walls of souvenir t-shirts which celebrate a lazy, hostile, and deeply tacky brand of selfishness, to duck boat tours whose eighty-year-old diesel engines inexplicably exhaust out of the nose of the vehicle and into everyone’s faces for an hour, I ultimately found myself craving a fresh apple and the oblivion of a ...

Floating in Common Dander-Water With...AMERICA

Yesterday in the Wisconsin Dells, we went to Noah's Ark, which — given the preponderance of large white vans with "TRUMP*PENCE" and "MAKE THE MASS LATIN AGAIN"* bumper stickers lurking about the parking lot — a man might be forgiven for assuming was one of those large-scale, religion-style recreations of biblical lore. It was, in fact, a leviathan waterslide park whose ubiquitous phantom aroma of corn dogs and squishy onion rings transported me to that timeless and weightless age before i...

0013 - Romba Cinema: Mens' Podcasts

Decoder key: Exercise fads; UFC + bogus philosophy + targeted ads; endurance bores; bitcoin nonsense; Alex Jones. 

It occurred to me recently how much podcasts have in common with the AM radio of my grandfather’s carport, eternally nattering and fizzing on with a slow baseball game or a distrait and bloodless narration of business affairs. Where is the automated service that edits today's podcasts down to the 0-3 minutes of worthwhile content they might contain? When does that co...

Shangrila Interview: Ray Smuckles (pdf)

The second in a series where Roast Beef tries to get his pals to describe their ideas of utopia and heaven. After last time's interview with Nice Pete, he gives himself softball with Ray. 

How a Piece Gets Written

The above photos document a fairly atypical example of my process, equipment, and environment — but they make me look as though my technologically au courant ass* has gone all jet set, so for now, until that is all finally true, they shall represent me.  

(The photos were taken yesterday morning, en route from Portland to the Wisconsin Dells**. This is apparently not a place where I am likely to encounter either King Charles, One Direction, or beverages which includ...

Brunching With the Buddhists

A specific subset of Lauren's family practices a specific subset of Buddhism called Shambhala. I couldn't tell you how Shambhala differs from whatever Siddhartha was doing under the tree that one time, but this difference seems to allow them to run a delightful little cosmos of micro-bakeries, coffee roasteries, and software companies, all out there in Boulder, Colorado. We just got back from a long family reunion weekend among them.

If you're like me, you've trained yo...

0012 - Catching Up With Fuck You Friday

Today we are taking good old Fuck You out for a spin to see how it's running. It had been a while, but it turned over on the first crank and buzzed off down the road like a bee! Singular of purpose and possessed of undiminished wrath. 

Summer Cooking With Téodor - Lamb Kofte Dinner Plate

Téodor’s Afternoon Min-It

or

Catastrophe Averted by Dude

Cooked and Documented by Téodor Orezscu

The compressor for the walk-in at the Dude and Catastrophe went on the fritz on the hottest day of the year, so Cornelius pulled up in his old flivver with a bunch of cases of stuff that he needed to stow in our refrigerator. Fortunately for him the only thing Chris ever has in the fridge is seventeen different takeout...

Outtakes & Behind the Scenes: Strip 0011

A special installment just for the hardest of hard-cores, the Mega Chochachos of the Author's Tier! The elite of the cream of the ermine-trimmed among us. Thank you, sincerely, for your support at this level — it inspires me to get "a little loose" with my creative endeavors, and this is where the experiments that really help broaden the Achewood universe can take root (or get put on a thumb drive and thrown in the Pacific, as was the case with Mr. Smuckles Gets Ps...