Zach Cregger: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the weapons
Cregger: it's just out in theaters!
Cregger: so if you care about spoilers maybe stop reading
Cregger: i mean, seriously
Cregger: don't get mad at me
Cregger: i'm not even the real zach cregger
Cregger: the first thing i want to say is that i love gryllos pickles!
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Poe: is that part of the story?
Cregger: no it'...
TL Bodine: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight society, I call this the tale of children in peril
Stephen Gresham: no!
John Saul: YES!
Saul: i love stories with reckless child endangerment!
Barker: yeah that's true
Barker: hard to think of anyone who likes them more
Poe: except roald
Barker: yeah except roald
Roald Dahl: how many children die in this story
Dahl: oo i hope it's a lot
Dahl: nasty nasty little rotten children
Dahl: never do as they'r...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i jussst found out that there exissstsss a transss sssalesss assssociate in a department ssstore
Rowling: apparently ssselling brasss
Rowling: i'm real mad about thisss
Rowling: i heard that thisss transss bra ssaless associate actually asssked a cusstomer if she needed help
Helen Joyce: its getting real bad when the trans think they can just talk to normal people as, like, part of their job des...
Adam Nevill: so these metalheads are all, like, whoa, if we summon a demon, we'll go down in history as the greatest metal band of all time
Stephen King: whoa! what an idea!
King: do you think that would work for the rock bottom remainders?
Nevill: it's worth a shot
Poe: no it's not
King: think about it edgar
King: summoning a live demon might just be the boost that we need to win the battle of the bands
Barker: i think that's a great idea steve
King: see? cl...
Adam Nevill: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the ritual
King: oh man we love that movie!
Nevill: yeah well the novel's a little different
King: as long as it's still got that cool creature design!
Poe: yeah we love that creature!
Nevill:
King: the creature in the ritual was SO cool
King: i mean, what even is that thing??
Koontz: it had arms on its face!
King: yeah! arms on its face!
King: crazy!
Alyson Greaves: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of dorley hall
Greaves: and welcome to it
Greaves: it's this university dorm where they force fem you
Greaves: they take the worst, shittiest dudes
Greaves: and turn them into the best, nicest girls
Greaves: using hormones, surgery, and a steady reading regiment of spells r us and fictionmania stories
Franz Kafka: oh i know those sites!
Greaves: i bet you do
Kafka: well this ...
2025-07-31 18:07:11 +0000 UTC View PostAngela Carter: see, the way it works is you take an existing myth or legend
King: uh huh
Carter: and then you add the 3 Rs
Carter: you REimagine
Carter: REcontextualize
Carter: and REinvent
King: and this works for any myth or legend?
Carter: any myth or legend!
Carter: for example, think of little red riding hood King: right, right
Carter: and imagine what if the wolf represented patriarchy?
King: ok
Carter: and the red cloak represented menses?
Kin...
[mysterious campfire of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have a new tasssk for you
Rowling: and thisss isss one that even a gaggle of buffoonsss like you can accomplish
Rowling: i'm looking at you allisssson
Allison Bailey: [sweating, clutching briefcase]
Rowling: desspite our iron grip on all the leversss of power
Rowling: people sstill think that we're a bunch of weird losssersss
Rowling: judging usss for our very normal dessire to ins...
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the mid
Elon Musk: [emerging from bushes] eyyyyyy stephano king
Clive Barker: hey look it's stephen's friend
King: for the last time, clive, we aren't
King: sighhh
King: fine
King: elon what do you want this time
Musk: eyyyy i disrupt da hamburger
Musk: eeyy stephano king you know i open da new tesla diner
Musk: itsa family diner!
Musk: bringa da whole family!
Musk: bringa you Ai generated anime wifu
Asuka Four...
HP Lovecraft: what if you you saw a cosmic horror and it made you go crazy
August Derleth: what if you saw a cosmic horror and HP Lovecraft wrote it
Robert W Chambers: what if you saw a really off-putting shade of yellow
Stephen King: what if you saw a cosmic horror and it was a clown
Thomas Ligotti: what if you saw a cosmic horror and actually you were the clown all along
Frank Belknap Long: what if you saw a cosmic horror in the corner
Ruthanna Emrys: wha...
2025-07-24 18:18:07 +0000 UTC View PostCraig DiLouie: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the children of red peak
Guillermo del Toro: ah! you mean
DiLouie: no
DiLouie: no i don't mean
DiLouie: people keep making that mistake but i don't mean
DiLouie: this is a story about three survivors of a childhood cult experience
DiLouie: now you wouldn't expect this, but the cult started out pretty okay at first
DiLouie: you know, growing vegetables, singing Michael Row the Boa...
Michael Griffin: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of being far from streets
Griffin: it's about this couple who build a nice relaxing vacation house
Griffin: deep in the forest primeval
Barker: oh shit yeah that's where you do it ha ha
Griffin: the guy is all, i'm gonna build this cabin with my own two hands
Griffin: get in touch with my provider archetype
Griffin: really get all iron john with it
Griffin: the wife is all "...
Stephen King: george i hear you're gonna direct my creepshow movie
George Romero: yup
King: do you think
King: do you think i could be in it?
Romero:
King: see, i've always wanted to be on the screen
Romero:
Romero: have you ever acted before?
King: as a matter of fact
King: i was a cemetery watchman in sleepwalkers and i was the guy who got called an asshole by an atm machine in maximum overdrive
Romero: oh wow those were classic performances
Rom...
Stephen King: guys, i have an announcement
King: the epstein file is real
King: so is the tooth fairy and santa claus
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: uhhhh is there something we should know about
Barker: did you mean to tweet that steve
Barker: on your public account
Barker: to the world
King: what? it's funny!
King: it's a funny joke!
King: it's almost as funny as the Ai picture of trump as a taco i retweeted from mark hamill
...
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy stephano king
Musk: check it out, i maka an anime girlfriend
Musk: do you haffa an anime girlfriend stephano king?
King: i sleep in a big bed with my wife
Elon Musk: eyyy stephano king i wanta you to meet my anime girlfriend
Musk: her nama is Kimiko Random =^______^=
Musk: but watcha out!
Musk: she canna be
Musk: VERY random
Uketsu: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange house
Uketsu: i invite you all to look at the floor plan of this house
Uketsu: and try to figure out for yourself
Uketsu: what's so strange about it
Uketsu: one of these things is not like the others
Uketsu: one of these architectural elements is weirdly wrong
Uketsu: can you tell which thing is not like the others
Uketsu: By the time I finish my song?
Uketsu: no...
2025-07-15 17:07:55 +0000 UTC View Post[space coven]
Eric James Stone: submitted for the approval of space coven, I call this the tale of the swales
Stone: you might even call it
Stone: a swale of a tale
Stone: ha ha ha
Stone: so there's a race of impossibly ancient, impossibly gigantic beings made of pure plasma discovered living in the flaming nuclear heart of the sun
Stone: they're called sun whales
Stone: or
Stone: for short
Stone: swales
HG Wells: nice
Jules Verne: haha i get it
Verne: s...
John Langan: you're telling me EVERYONE has a skeleton inside?
Poe: that's right
Langan:
Langan: i don't get it
David Niall Wilson: edgar, let me try
Wilson: i think i can explain it
Langan: so you're sayin that everyone has a skeleton inside?
Wilson: that's right
Langan: okay but like
Langan: i mean
Langan: i mean not everyone everyone
Langan: i mean you don't have a skeleton right?
Wilson: everyone, john
Wilson: even me
Langan:
Langan: okay...
John Langan: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Mr Gaunt
Langan: so there's this guy who has a weird butler named Mr. Gaunt
Langan: and the thing about Mr. Gaunt is that he's really
Langan: hmm
Langan: well, how can i describe him?
Langan: he's really gaunt
Langan: but the REALLY scary thing about Mr. Gaunt
Langan: is that deep inside
Langan: under all his skin
Langan: he's a skeleton
Barker: john, everyone's a...
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano king
Koontz: oh! it's elon! elon's back!
King:
Koontz: elon's back, steve!
King: yes dean i
Koontz: he's right there!
King:
King: thank you dean i know
Elon Musk: eyyyy stephano king you know i start my own political party?
King: that's nice, elon
King: you know, a political party is a lot of work
Musk: eh?
King: it's probably gonna keep you real busy for a ...
King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the clown that lived in the sewers
Dan Simmons: i've had enough of you and your wokescold cultural marxist oppression
King:
Simmons: help help i'm being oppressed by your wokescold cultural marxist oppression
Simmons: but now i've finally found a campfire for politically homeless free thinkers with maverick points of view
Simmons: and the most interesting thing about this anti-woke campfire...
Alan Moore: [appears in a clap of thunder] Behold! The Arch Magus!
Poe: The arch magus!
King: the arch magus!
Barker: the arch magus!
Koontz: the arch magus!
Lovecraft: the arch magus!
Moore: today i bring you a chilling vision of the future!
Koontz: oh boy! a vision of the future!
Koontz: i hope there's good stuff happening!
King:
Poe:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz: i hope it's a positive, star trek-esque utopian vision of the future!
M...
2025-07-06 18:32:07 +0000 UTC View PostGarth Ennis: now i've got a real SHOCKING story for ya
Ennis: but this ain't your dad's horror story
Ennis: don't try to hold me back! i'm a mad man!
Ennis: i don't care whose toes I step on!
Ennis: razor sharp, that's what my satirical wit is!
Barker: alright man
Barker: you're doing a lot of talking
Barker: let's hear what's so shocking
Ennis: careful kid
Ennis: i'll all edge, baby, better step back or you'll be cut!
Ennis: alright man you asked for it
Judith Sonnet: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of psych ward blues
Sonnet: it's about what if god was an insane monster who hates his creation
Dean Koontz: nuh uh that's not true, god is nice
Sonnet:
Poe: dean, let her finish
Sonnet: it's a beautiful day, birds chirping, sun shining
Sonnet: lovers are strolling in the park
Sonnet: telling each other how much they love each other
Sonnet: in fact, things are so pleasant that it...
King: i'm so tired of elon musk always trying to be my friend
King: i can't tell you how tired i am of all the sycophants and hangers-on
Richard Chizmar: i know, right?
Chizmar: not like us, right, steve?
Chizmar: we're best buddies, right, steve?
King: that's right, richard, we totally are!
Chizmar: hey everyone you already know my good friend stephen king
Chizmar: but let me introduce myself
Chizmar: i'm the good friend of stephen king
Poe:
Barker: ...
JK Rowling: i was jusst thinking, maybe we should ssecretly photograph women in public bathroomss
Rowling: you know, in casse they're transss
Stephen Fry: so um
Fry: i don't think we should be friends anymore
Rowling: omg that came out of nowhere
Rowling: you can't do unfriend me over my legally protected gender critical beliefss!
Rowling: that'ss literally illegal!
Rowling: you'll hear from my lawyer!
Allison Bailey: [feeding spaghetti to dog] haha look at him go, ...
Stephen King: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the dark tower
King: and here's the crazy thing, guys
King: i'm telling this story
King: but i'm also IN this story
Barker: holy shit steve
Barker: you just blew my motherfuckin mind
King: see, the real question is
King: who's the REAL stephen king?
King: the one telling the story
King: or the one IN the story?
Koontz: the one telling the story
King: yes, dea...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Allison Bailey: dark lord, dark lord, help me!
Bailey: the vet told me my dog is TOO FAT
Rowling: my god
Rowling: i can't believe they would attack your gender critical beliefs like that
Bailey: that's exactly what I said!
Rowling: exactly what happened
Rowling: what me through the whole thing
Bailey: ok so i went to the vet
Rowling: right, right
Bailey: looking for a vigorous debate ...
Bitter Karella: [carrying bindle sack] siiigh
Karella: ahem
Karella: AHEM
Poe: oh sorry what's going on?
Poe: what's with the bindle sack?
Karella: oh THIS bindle sack? this one right here?
Karella: funny you should ask
Karella: last week was my birthday
Karella: and none of you remembered!
Karella: so I'm running away from home!
Barker: bye
Poe: CLIVE
Poe: did you
Poe: did you tell anyone it was your birthday?
Karella: no but
Karella: but if...
Edward Lee: ok bro
Lee: trust me you're gonna have so much fun
Jordan Shiveley: i bet it won't be as much fun as the v o i d consuming my flesh
Lee: naw naw i's gonna be lit [shoves cassette tape in slot,'Baby Don't Hurt Me' starts playing]
Lee: bro just look at this club
Lee: so many eligible singles, bro
Lee: you just gotta take your pick, eh, bro? eh?
Shiveley: i bet none of them would consume my flesh
Lee: i bet some would bro
Shiveley: i bet not
Lee:
L...