Bitter Karella

Midnight Pals: Concerning

Stephen King: submitted for the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy itsa me, elon muska!
Barker: oh look steve, it's your friend
King: we're not friends
King: we're barely acquaintances!

Musk: eyyy da twitter gotta de bots
Musk: de too many bots!
Musk: de only way i can stoppa de bots
Musk: i gotta make everyone watch de prager u anti-trans propaganda
Musk: its de only way to stoppa de bots
King: how does that-
Musk: itsa de ONLY WAY

Denn...

Midnight Pals: Imaginarium

Neil Gaiman: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the limitless reaches of the human imagination
Gaiman: for where are we truly free to imagine? in dreams!
Gaiman: for the dreamscape is the playground of the inner child
Gaiman: but what if the concept of dreaming
Gaiman: was this real cool goth guy
Aaron Alexovich: yes

Neil Gaiman: and what if
Gaiman: death was a goth chick
Stephen King: like mary?
Gaiman: no no not like mar...

Midnight Pals: Filmic Torment

Sapphire Lazuli: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, if you would, i call this the tale of the king in yellow
HP Lovecraft: oh! this is my favorite!
Lazuli: ah but
Lazuli: this is the tale of the king in yellow film adaptation
Lazuli: as it were
Lazuli: but perhaps i'm getting ahead of myself

King: wow, a movie that makes you go insane to see it! now that's chilling!
John Carpenter: i did that one
Carpenter: you guys all hated it!
King:...

Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals Episode 1 now live!

Episode one of Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals aka  S01E01: The Tale of the Frankenstein is now available for your listening  pleasure!! Check it out!

Mary Shelley tells her Midnight Pals a chilling tale about a  brilliant young researcher, Victor, whose arrogance leads him to pursue a  deadly ambition. The experiment has ...

Midnight Pals: Chip off the old block

Joe Hill: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society I call this the tale of the really creative guy and his vampire car
King: wow that’s the chip off the old block! I’m proud of you
Barker: oh god not another horror car

Hill: so there’s a type of people called “strong creatives” that have cool and disgusting superpowers
Hill: the bad guy uses a really cool car to steal kids and take them to Christmasland-
King: what kind of car, son?
King: tell me ...

Midnight Pals: Book Endorsement

Stephen King: you guys, have you read the new JK Rowling book?
King: this cormorant strike is just incredible stuff!
King: it's amazing that she still finds time to write!
King: since she's probably busy with other stuff
King: i really haven't checked

King: not really sure what she's doing when she's not writing cormorant strike
King: probably normal writer things
King: luckily, i don't need to worry about that!

King: when i read cormorant strike, it's like...

Midnight Pals: The Halloween Factory 4

King: after witnessing the virgin birth of dracula i sure feel like i got the halloween spirit
Debbie Dadey: [pushing glasses up bridge of nose] actually
Dadey: for your information, sir, there's no proof that was really dracula
Marcia Jones: indubitably my good sir

King: what are you talking about? he performed all the dracula miracles!
King: he walked on water! he turned into a bat!  
King: renfield even denied him THREE times before the cock crowed!

Dade...

Midnight Pals: The Halloween Factory 3

Bradbury: you! ape! clown! cenobite! frankenstein! wolf man! italian!
Bradbury: why do you wear those costumes?
King: well, it's halloween, ray, you see-
Bradbury: no YOU do not see
Bradbury: do not see the magic, the mystery, the wonder
Bradbury: of halloween!

Bradbury: the calendar has many days but only one halloween!
Bradbury: can it be that you've forgotten? forgotten the magic?
King: ray, what are you talking about
Bradbury: he's forgotten! forgotte...

Midnight Pals: The Halloween Factory 2

[at Stephen King's halloween party]
Dean Koontz: hey guys! wow! thanks for letting me come to your party!
Barker: oh man you let dean come?
Barker: great, that's just great
Poe: now clive be nice
Barker: edgar he's going to cramp our style
Poe: it'll be fine clive

Koontz: hey whats this bottle for
Barker: its for spinning
Koontz: ohhhh
Koontz:
Koontz: why?
Barker: you see edgar?? you SEE???

Koontz: gosh guys do ever wonder how the great ...

Midnight Pals: The Halloween Factory 1

Ray Bradbury: gone too soon!
Bradbury: the lazy summer afternoons picking dandelions by miller's pond forgotten, buried under an avalanche of adult responsibilities. No time for jump rope or blind man's bluff, there's a new game they play - a game of bills and forms and gray-faced men in suits.

Bradbury: ah! but tonight!
Bradbury: tonight
Bradbury: tonight will be
Bradbury: a game of magic
Bradbury: tonight, dear reader, they put aside their forms and licenses and dr...

Midnight Pals: Mothman

Laurel Hightower: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the mothman
Hightower: and there's a trucker
Hightower: hmm there's a trucker

Tabitha King: so how does this work
Laurel Hightower: it’s just like old fashioned internet
Hightower: it’s the way that lonely but deliciously handsome truckers find love on the open road
Hightower: [talking into CB radio] breaker breaker mercy sakes looks like we got us a convoy

T...

Midnight Pals: Jail Time

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: you know if labor takess over, they're going to force you to ressspect transss people?
Barker: didn't keir starmer just literally throw them under the bus
Rowling:
Rowling: shut up
Rowling: sstop ruining thiss for me!

Rowling: asss i wass sssaying
Rowling: itss been reported in the reputable presssss
Rowling: that labor isss totally going to do this
Rowling: and who are you going to believe?
Rowling: ssensssationali...

Midnight Pals: The Dorsai

Stephen King: listen guys
King: i'm kinda concerned that those bullies over at clarion west might try to pull something
King: so i've hired some security for the campfire
Poe: you what
Poe: steve why would you do that
King: no no trust me on this

King: so i hired the dorsai irregulars as security
Poe: the what
King: it's a special security force made up of sci fi fans
King: led by robert asprin
King: you'll like him, he's funny
Poe: like piers an...

Midnight Pals: Church Ladies

Jessica Leonard: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the church that hates witches
Leonard: so this guy's dad was a lawyer but he gave it all up to be a farmer
Leonard: and join a church
Leonard: this guy just really loves church

Leonard: this farmer guy is all "hey i love tilling the soil, i'm gonna do that"
Ursula Vernon: right right, tilling the soil
Vernon: i mean, yeah, you gotta til the soil
Vernon: real important part of b...

Midnight Pals: The Most Divorced Man Returns

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: today we continue our quessst to rehabilitate glinner
Rowling: i will not ressst until he isss reintegrated into ssociety
Rowling: and not ssleeping on my couch anymore

Rowling: cuz you know
Rowling: that man isss
Rowling: i mean ssure i hate transs people too
Rowling: but i have other interesstsss assss well
Rowling:
Rowling: i'll let you know asss sssoon asss i think of sssome

Row...

Midnight Pals: Corporate Body

RA Busby: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the corporate body
Busby: so this guy volunteers for a drug study
Busby: run by a not-at-all shady corporation
Busby: called drugco
Busby: that's just a placeholder name, i'll probably go back and change it

Busby: this guy needs money
Busby: cuz time are tough, you know
Busby: with the economy
Busby: and covid
Busby: that modern millenial experience
Busby: you kids know

Midnight Pals: I Want to Believe

Stephen King: hey did you hear that thomas wrote an x files episode?
Barker: what? which one?
King: oh i think
King: i think it was called
King: 'thomas ligotti is from outer space' or something
Barker:
Barker: yeah i don't think it was called that

King: i heard you wrote an x files episode
Thomas Ligotti: hm
King: you know, i once wrote an x files episode myself
Ligotti: hm
King: it was about an evil doll
Ligotti: did the evil doll represent the existen...

Midnight Pals: Frankensexy

Guillermo del Toro: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of frankenstein del Toro: but this time del T

Guillermo del Toro: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of frankenstein
del Toro: but this time
del Toro: there's a little twist
del Toro: the twist is that frankenstein is hot

del Toro: see, what if it starred Andrew Garfield and Oscar Isaac?
Mary Shelley: which one is frankenstein?
de...

Midnight Pals: Belated birthday

Stephen King: happy birthday clive!!!
King: we all got together and-
Clive Barker: my birthday was yesterday
King:
King: what

King: your birthday was yesterday?
Barker: yes
King:
King: oh ha ha ha
King: i get it!
King: he's fucking with us!
King: you're fucking with us right?

King: well jeez i feel really terrible about this
Barker: that's ok steve
Barker: i don't blame you
Barker: i only blame one person
Barker: one very lazy, stupid pers...

Midnight Pals: Final Girl

Stephen Graham Jones: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the girl who’s obsessed with slashers
Jones: there’s this girl who just constantly talks about slashers
Barker: oh that sounds really annoying
Jones:
Barker: like that sounds SO annoying

Jones: so one day she thinks she might be in the middle of her own slasher movie
Jones: and she thinks oh shit this rules
Jones: people are just gonna get murdered left and right
Jo...

Midnight Pals: Synth Music

Panos Cosmatos: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the retro 70s sci fi horror pastiche
Cosmatos: just to warn you, it's gonna be pretty slow and boring
Cosmatos: so this might be better if you're high
Fitz James O'Brien: oh yeah way ahead of you man

Cosmatos: ok so imagine it's the 80s
Cosmatos: and imagine all the colors are really blown out
Cosmatos: and lights all look kinda smeary
Cosmatos: like you were high on a psychedel...

Midnight Pals: Genocidal Words from the Second Most Divorced Man

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i want you to sssay hello to
Rowling: graham lineham
Lineham: [wearing foil hat] free masons run the country
Rowling: he'sss got sssome great ideasss you should hear

Poe: joanne you don't need to bring him here
Poe: like, you really don't
Rowling: he hass thingsss to sssay and you're ALL going to hear them
Poe: this is really kind of off topic for us here
Rowling: EVERYONE will hear them

Rowling: ssssee, yearsss a...

Midnight Pals: More Running Grave

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: tonight I'm going to tell you more about cormorant ssstrike's latessst adventure
King: there's more?
Rowling: there'sss lotss more
Rowling: itsss 961 pagesss
Rowling: do not give me sshit sssteve
Rowling: you of all people

Rowling: in thiss book, cormorant ssstrike makesss a whole lot of phone callsss and hangss out in a whole bunch of fancccy resstaurantsss
Rowling: he doessn't actually do the detective work, he hiresss fr...

Midnight Pals: The Running Grave

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have a new ssstory for you tonight
Rowling: a new ssstory of cormorant ssstrike
Jesse Singal: wow mommy it's great!
Maya Forstater: the greatest story ever told
Rowling:
Rowling: well i haven't told it yet

Helen Joyce: i'm not exaggerating when i say that this is 100% the best story ever written in human history
Rowling: you haven't heard it yet
Joyce: i don't have to hear it t...

It's coming!

Don't forget! It's coming! Living and  dead horror authors tell scary stories round the campfire in “Submitted  for the Approval of the Midnight Pals”, an upcoming audio adaptation of  Bitter Karella’s Hugo-nominated comedy-horror microfiction.

Full  episodes start releasing on October 31, 2023, with an early premier and  cast chat streaming on Twitch on Sunday October 29th.

For more information, see 2023-09-28 23:44:37 +0000 UTC View Post

Midnight Pals: Science

Premee Mohamed: [wearing lab coat and goggles] according to my calculations, this story is about the technology of the near future
King: wow! are you really a scientist?
Mohamed: according to my calculations, yes
King: wow!
King: hey, as a scientist, you’ll love this
King: have you seen margaret Atwood’s writing machine?
Mohamed: is this AI

Mohamed: hello girl
Mohamed: do you want a biscuit girl huh
Margaret Atwood: [under cardboard box, through vocoder] BEE...

Midnight Pals: Opening Line

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have excellent newssss
Rowling: the british people have decided that harry potter hassss the greatesssst opening line of all time
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Rowling: jussst a real top opening line
Rowling: a real banger

Barker: oh yeah? is that right?
Poe: clive
Barker: no no no let's hear this
Barker: so what is the opening line of harry potter
Rowling: itsss
Rowling:
Rowling: i...

Midnight Pals: Not an Artist

HP Lovecraft: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the scary painting
Lovecraft: so this guy makes a painting that's SO scary
Barker: oh yeah? what's so scary about it?
Lovecraft: here i'll
Lovecraft: i'll show you

Lovecraft: [scribbling on paper] here, i'll just draw it for you
Lovecraft: there!
Barker:
Barker: ahahahahah
Barker: that sucks, man
Lovecraft: well, i'm not an artist
Barker: guys, look at this t...

Midnight Pals: Pickman's Model

HP Lovecraft: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the story of the pickman's model
Lovecraft: what if there was a painting so scary
Lovecraft: like it was so scary
Lovecraft: like SO scary

Lovecraft: so there's this painting that's SO scary you can't look at it
Barker: what happens if you look at it
Barker: do you go insane
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: yeah you go insane
Barker: damn howard really going outside your wheelhouse tonight...

Midnight Pals: Monetizing Twitter

Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of
Elon Musk: [emerging from bushes] eeeey stephano king
Barker: hey look steve it's your best pal!
King:
King: do we have to keep doing this
King: we've had like literally 2 interactions ever

Musk: so stephano king you say you no pay $8 for twitter
King: no elon i am not going to pay $8 to post on the internet
Musk:  
Musk: mama mia i no getta it
Musk: it work f...