Premee Mohamed: Submitted for the aproval for the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the
not too distant future
Mohamed: in a world ravaged by climate change
Mohamed: and covid
Mohamed: and microplastics
Mohamed: and ocean acidification
King: haha the future huh?
King: sounds more like the present right haha
King:
Mohamed: and insectpocalypse
King: oh no
Mohamed: and oil pipeline spills
King: oh no
Mohamed: and giant blood worms
King: oh w...
Abby Howard: what if i made a comic all about how funny my cat is
Clive Barker: how funny is this cat
Howard: here, take a look
Junji Ito: [immediately pointing at cat]
Howard: this is my cat
Junji Ito: cat
Poe: cat
Lovecraft: cat
Barker: oh my god you guys
Barker: it’s just a fuckin cat, get over it
Junji Ito: no
Poe: no
Lovecraft: no
Barker:
Barker: okay then
Junji Ito: i also made a comic about my funny cat
Howard: oh yeah? let me see...
Aron Beauregard: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the putrescent pustules of penelope pimplepus
Poe: ah yes the storied world of extreme horror
Poe: certainly missed that
Barker: look at mister gothic snob over here
Poe: i'm not being a snob i just
Barker: oh it's always gotta be big old castles and psychological dread for you, doesn't it edgar
Poe:
Barker: look, sometimes we like a bit of sick
Beauregard: this is ...
2023-09-18 16:44:35 +0000 UTC View PostAron Beauregard: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the playground of death
Beauregard: so a rich lady invites these kids to test out a new playground
Beauregard: with all sorts of dangerous equipment
Beauregard: and i don't mean ziplines
King: finally! getting back to our origins!
King: see, that's the problem with playgrounds nowadays
King: they're way too safe
King: and yeah they need to bring back ziplines!
King: t...
Max Booth III: hey john check it out
Booth: i named a character after you in The Last Haunt
John Baltisberger: oh yeah? which character?
Booth: haha you're gonna laugh
Booth: hahaha
Baltisberger:
Booth: hahahaha
Booth: so i haha
Booth: i named a cop after you
Booth: hahaha
Baltisberger: a cop?
Booth: isn't that funny? hahaha
Booth: you! a cop!
Booth: hahaha
Baltisberger:
Baltisberger: i never considered this before
Booth: haha-...
Abby Howard: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight society, I call this the tale of the Crossroads at Midnight
King: ah! a faustian tale of devilish bargains, eh?
Howard: no
Howard: it’s mostly like
Howard: what if you met a guy
Howard: who was real squishy
Howard: what if a cornfield was haunted by a squishy ghost
Howard: what if a mattress was haunted by a squishy ghost
Howard: what if you went to the beach and there was a squishy ghost
Howard:...
2023-09-15 16:33:26 +0000 UTC View Post[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: lisssten graham linehan hassss a new manifesssto coming out
Rowling: i mean memoir
Rowling: ssso it's very important
Rowling: that we all pretend that he'sss really hot
Helen Joyce: dark lord?
Rowling: you all know the terf deatheater code
Rowling: "when you find a dude who agrees with you on transss genocide, it isss your sssolemn duty to act like he'sss jussst wildly fuckable"
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
Helen Joyce: so we're dropping with the "wear whatever you want" line
Joyce: from now on, to ensure proper gender conformity, all school boys must dress in like that one meme where the manly sweaty shirtless guys are pushing around a big gear
Joyce: and all school girls must dress in no less than 18 layers of crinoline
Joyce: and believe me
Joyce: we WILL be counting
JK Rowling: [polite clapping] bravo bravo well done
Rowling:...
Ramsey Campbell: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the village where people looked like rabbits
Franz Kafka: hm that sounds problematic
Kafka: what beta readers do you use
Campbell: oh i don't use beta readers
Kafka: don't use--!!!
Kafka: you don't use beta readers???
Campbell: no
Kafka: wow ramsey
Kafka: yikes
Campbell: what?
Kafka: you did a no growth
Campbell: what?
Kafka: you did a bad feel
Cam...
Mira Grant: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the super rich woman who bought the moon
Grant: but it’s okay, it turns out she’s one of those nice super rich people
Grant: who just wants to do whimsical things
Grant: but that’s all in the past
Grant: that woman is a relic of a by-gone age of exploitative capitalism but now they realized that letting rich people buy moons might not be a good idea
Grant: but they let this one moon...
Mira Grant: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the parasite that makes you into a zombie
Grant: so they genetically engineer a tape worm that cures everything
Grant: so everyone gets one implanted
Grant: but they were, all of them, decieved
Grant: so everyone has an implanted tapeworm
Grant: and also people start turning into zombies
King: oh that’s a weird coincidence!
Poe: I bet those two things are related
King: wait
Brian Asman: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of FUCK THIS HOUSE
King: haha oh man! that title! that’s great!
King: i’m sold already!
Asman: good, cuz it’s kinda all downhill from here
Asman: so this family moves into a new house
Asman: and by the way the son in this family consumed his unborn twin in the womb
Asman: just getting that shit right out there on the first page
King: brian! you can’t do that! you gotta pace y...
Ooo! What's this? Just a little clip from an upcoming Midnight Pals audio episode (Mary Shelley meets Jane Williams feat. special guest SCREAM Mike McShane!)
More info coming on our website www.midnightpals.com
2023-09-06 00:11:12 +0000 UTC View PostPoe: Look, this has gone on too long
Poe: we've GOT to distance ourselves from Joanne
Neil Gaiman: she's become a liability
Gaiman: soon she'll be killed by the publisher assassins
Poe: right, the
Poe: hold on, the what
Gaiman: the publisher assassins
Poe:
Gaiman: dead authors sell better, you see
Gaiman: so someone could kill an author just to goose sales
Gaiman: that's why we all have to be very protective of copyright
King: ...is this about the...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: today we retire jesssse ssssingal
Jesse Singal: but mommy!
Rowling: he is a ssspent force
Rowling no one can take him ssseriousssly anymore
Singal: but mommy--!
Singal: mommy no! I'm still relevant! give me another chance mommy!
Rowling: you've had your moment jesssse
Rowling: but the transsss know your game now and now they won't talk to you
Rowling: plusss all thossse sssibilan...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: sssay hello to graham lineham
Linehan [wearing tinfoil hat]: freemasons run the country
Jesse Singal: but mommy
Rowling: i know we were all pretending he didn't exisst for a while
Rowling: that changes now
Rowling: sssee hiss extreme levelsss of divorcednesss usssed to be a liability to our hate movement
Rowling: but now that being extremely divorced hassss gone mainssstream
Rowling:...
Tim Waggoner: I'm writing a book of advice to budding horror writers
Waggoner: any advice to share?
Stephen King: i like to listen to music to get in the appropriately spooky headspace
Waggoner: ah interesting!
Waggoner: what music?
King: Mambo number 5
Waggoner:
King: [sitting at typewriter, cracking knuckles] ok! King: time to get down to business!
King: [snaps fingers, fedora flies from off screen into his hand, smoothly places hat on head]
King: [danc...
Stephen King: guys you know its mary's birthday today?
King: we should get her something
Poe: how about the calcified heart of her boyfriend?
King: no no
King: she already has one of those
Poe: that is a pickle
Poe: what do you get for the girl who has everything?
Barker: you guys getting mary a birthday present?
King: what did you get her?
Barker: i got her the calcified heart of her boyfriend
Lovecraft: b-but clive!
Lovecraft: i ALSO got her the...
This one's got Anne Rice... we also have an official release date! We're premiering on Halloween. OooOooOoooo how appropriate!
https://midnight-pals.simplecast.com/episodes/teaser-07-anne-rice
2023-08-29 18:27:50 +0000 UTC View Post[at Unicorn Fuck Club]
Brandon Sanderson: hey robert what kind of magic rules do you have
Sanderson: in my fantasy world, there's 18 laws of magic
Sanderson: sorted into 23 categories and 65 sub-directories
Robert Jordan: huh
Jordan: well in my world, girls do girl magic and boys do boy magic
Sanderson: wait what?
Jordan: girls do girl magic and boys do boy magic
Sanderson: how does that work
Jordan: saidin is stored in the balls
Jordan: why, how does your ...
2023-08-29 18:05:42 +0000 UTC View Post[at unicorn fuck club]
Robert Jordan: thus as the wheel of time turns, so pass the ages of man!
Jordan: a new epoch of magic and mystery settles upon the land!
Jordan: it was an age of the distant past
Jordan: and an age yet to come!
Tolkien: wait a second
Tolkien: which was it
Jordan: the gleeman vish taral’bid came to seek the blessing of ai’shidoo
Tolkien: you’re dropping names like we should be familiar with them
Jordan: you should be, we’ve b...
Whitley Strieber: big news, Dreamland grey wolves!!!
Strieber: i have
Strieber: here in my hand
Strieber: proof of alien existence
Strieber: it turns out
Strieber: the truth WAS out there after all!
Strieber: check this out
Barker: it's a photo
Strieber: yes
Barker: of one of those spirit halloween foam rubber aliens
Strieber: y-NO
Barker: yeah i've seen these, the eyes light up when you stand on the sensor
Koontz: wow! real aliens!
Stri...
2023-08-27 19:20:03 +0000 UTC View PostOscar Wilde: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the ugly painting
Wilde: but first
Wilde: some patented oscar wilde bon mots
Wilde: the only thing worse than being talked about is
Wilde: go ahead, guess
Mary Shelley: i ain't playing this game
Oscar Wilde: I hear some of you don't appreciate my bon mots
Poe: oh er
Poe: it's not that oscar
Poe: it's just that
Poe:
Poe: clive do you want to pitch in here?
...
Stephen King: oh boy this is embarrassing
Poe: what's that?
King: well, see, we kinda
King: accidentally
King: agreed to let this nazi tell a story
Poe: oh boy that is a pickle
King: yeah its a real whoopsie doodle
Poe: did we already tell him yes?
King: yeah
Poe: well criminy
Poe: not much we can do then
Poe: that'd be like going back on a pinkie swear
King: yeah it'd be like
King: kinda awkward
Poe: who was in charge of the paperwork...
Bram Stoker: guys, i want you to meet my girlfriend Florence Balcombe
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Barker: girlfriend huh
Poe: clive
Balcombe: yeah bram is so much better than my last boyfriend
Balcombe: oscar wilde
King:
Lovecraft:
Poe:
Koontz:
Barker:
Barker: your last boyfriend was oscar wilde?
Poe: clive
Balcombe: yeah
Barker: and now you're dating bram stoker?
Poe: clive
Barker: oh you sure know how to...
Matt Shaw: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the saucy gallimaufry
Shaw: or as you americans might call it
Shaw: the wet vagina
Shaw: you think that sounds good huh?
Shaw: well just wait til you see the dedication
Shaw: i'd like to dedicate this book to the youtube critic who gave me a one star review
Shaw: by the way i am not mad
Shaw: don't put it in the newspaper that i'm mad
Shaw: so apparently this youtube crit...
2023-08-21 19:56:02 +0000 UTC View PostSilvia Moreno-Garcia: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the big gothic house
Moreno-Garcia: in Mexico
Moreno-Garcia: you might even call it
Moreno-Garcia: mexican gothic
Moreno-Garcia: so there's this debutante from Mexico City
Moreno-Garcia: and she has to visit her cousin who's married this weird english guy
Moreno-Garcia: and now lives in this big creepy house in the boonies with his weirdly english family
Moreno-Garci...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
JK Rowling: today we begin our biggessssst challenge
Jesse Singal: bigger than convincing our terf legion that men have a special bone that makes them good at chess?
JK Rowling: no that was remarkably easssy actually
JK Rowling: today we rehabilitate graham lineham
Singal: b-but mommy!
Singal: graham lineham is the one terf too toxic for the BBC
Rowling: isss he? Rowling: the whole point of the B...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: good newss
Rowling: we've jusst achieved a major victory!
Rowling: transs women are now banned from competing in chesss b/c of their biological advantage
Rowling: i know this ssounds like a joke but for real
Rowling: for too long have transss women unfairly dominated the world of chesss
Rowling: with their incredible wrissst ssstrength, they're jussst too good at picking up thossse little pi...
M. Lopes da Silva: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the hooker
da Silva: it’s about a hooker
da Silva: who hooks back
da Silva: Let me set the scene for ya
da Silva: 1984. Los Angeles. The city of angels.
da Silva: how ironic cuz there ain’t no angels in this neon hellscape of vaporwave squiggles and
da Silva: you know
da Silva: floating tiger stripe triangles against an electric checkerboard grid
da Silva: but watc...
2023-08-15 22:34:09 +0000 UTC View Post