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Damien Leone: hey so some of you might have heard that art the clown hates trump
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Leone: now i just want to address this rumor
Barker: ya know you really don't need to
Leone: no i think it's important
Barker: to address the rumor that art the clown hates trump?
Leone: yes
King: art the clown?
Leone: yes
King: the clown from terrifier?
Leone: yes
King: well now
King: that sounds like one COOL CLOWN
Le...
Damien Leone: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the evil clown
King: oh, is it a demon that appear as a clown to scare children?
Leone: what? no
Leone: it's just a regular clown
Barker: what, like
Barker: from a circus?
Leone: no the clown has no back story
Leone: see, that's the scary thing about this clown
Leone: he has no backstory, no motivations, nothing
Leone: he's just a complete blank slate
Leone: but also he's...
Wrath James White: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the bug collector
Jones: it's about a guy who's sexually excited by getting diseases
Michael J. Seidlinger: nice
Barker: sexually excited by diseases?
Barker: well i don't know anything about diseases
Barker: but i like the sexual excited part
White: give it up clive this is beyond anything you're into
Barker: oh oh oh!
Barker: well, THAT sounds like a challenge!
Bar...
2025-02-04 19:22:38 +0000 UTC View PostStephen King: submitted for the approval of the
Elon Musk: [rising out of bushes] eyyy stephano king
King: oh great it's elon
Musk: uh uh uh stephano king maybe you no heara da news
Musk: now it's mista signore el supremo his excellency generalismo god emperor elon musk, head of the turkmen!
Musk: now i owna da america!
Musk: datsa right!
Musk: i runna da us governmenta now
King: how'd you do that?
Musk: itsa funny story
Musk: da us government, it giva me da b...
Tom Tryon: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of harvest home
Tryon: gentlemen, behold!
Tryon: CORN!
King: oh i don't know about this
King: i already wrote a corn based folk horror story
Tryon: this time
Tryon: will be different!
Tryon: are you guys ready for the dark secret of harvest home?
Koontz: oh wow, sounds spooky!
Tryon: oh, it's extremely spooky!
Tryon: believe me
Tryon: you will be spooked
Tryon: but first<...
Charles Williams: i love to do Christian magic
Aleister Crowley: ugh! this sucks
Crowley: why don't you go hang out and be Christian with your inkling pals!
Williams: fine! i will!
Williams: hey guys you know what really rules?
CS Lewis: what?
Williams: being Christian
Lewis: oh man that's for sure
Lewis: i am, like, right there with you on this one
JRR Tolkien: are you guys talking about being Christian? i love that shit
Lewis: man, isn't it great being Ch...
2025-01-29 17:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostEdward Lee: bro
Lee: you spank chicks?
Charles Williams: oh yes, quite
Lee: bro
Lee: like
Lee: you touch their butts?
Williams: yes
Lee: bro
Lee: that's sick bro
Lee: you gotta show me how you do that bro
Lee: wait a minute bro
Lee: this isn't like
Lee: part of that white magic shit is it, bro?
Lee: i'm not down with magic
Williams: oh no no no not at all!
Williams: it's strictly a sex thing
Lee: alright bro that's cool
Williams: its ac...
2025-01-27 17:00:15 +0000 UTC View PostCharles Williams: Submitted for the approval of the midnight pals, I call this the tale of the devil and the lady
Williams: it's about a woman who gets impregnated by the devil to birth the antichrist
Ira Levin: hey wait a minute
Williams: the whole reason that the concept is scary, you see, is because the devil is real
Williams: ira will back me up on this
Levin: what? no!
Levin: don't bring me into this!
Levin: i'm not William peter blatty!
Williams: how do i k...
2025-01-26 17:00:12 +0000 UTC View PostMae Murray: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i all this the tale of the girl who gets possessed by her sentient abortion
Murray: but don't worry, this abortion just wants to have fun
Murray: abortions just wanna
Murray: they just wanna
Murray: abortions just wanna have fun
Murray: so this story is about odie
Dean Koontz: :)
Murray: who is NOT the dog from Garfield
Koontz: :(
Murray: odie has an abortion but it doesn't really take
Murray: ...
Thomas Ligotti: i hope you've all had fun with these jovial tales of jolly clowns, puppets and festivals
King: and how!
Ligotti: but now it's time to turn our attention to more adult matters
Ligotti: to the world of work
King: oh
Ligotti: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the terrible job
Ligotti: have you ever considered, what if you had a terrible job?
Ligotti: what if it was just a soul-draining experience of constant drudge...
Robert Eggers: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nosferatu
Barker: oh we've heard this one before
Eggers: not the way i tell it!
Barker: has it got farting in it?
Eggers: n-no!
Eggers: i do more than just fart movies for your information!
Barker: this sounds like its about farting
Bram Stoker: this is just a blatant rip-off of my story!
King: which one?
Stoker: "which one"
Stoker: Dracula! i'm talking about dracula...
Arthur Machen: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the white powder
Machen: it's about this white powder that turns you into a big blob of goo
Barker: haha oh man i hate when that happens
Barker: hahaha- oh
Barker: oh shit i'm sorry
Lor Gislason: bloop bloop i'm sitting right here
Machen: so there's this law student who's studying way too hard and he's just exhausted
Machen: so he gets this white power that's supposed to give...
Dion Fortune: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the winged bull
Fortune: its about a woman who falls in with an evil occult society run by this disgusting slug of a man hugo astley
Aleister Crowley: haha couldn't be me
Fortune: who also wears a pyramid hat
Crowley: wait a minute
Fortune: now hugo Astley's occult society is irresponsible and wanton
Fortune: not like mine
Fortune: i like my occult societies to be socially accepta...
Stephen King: i'm gonna be over at unicorn fuck club tonight
Clive Barker: yeah me too
Poe: why are you both going to unicorn fuck club tonight?
Barker: why not? it's my prerogative
Poe:
Poe: clive what are you doing?
Barker: what makes you think I'm doing something?
King: we're going to introduce JRR Tolkien to rock adaptations of his work
Poe: why? he hates rock and roll
King: what?! no he doesn't, he loves it!
King: clive said-
King:
King...
Craig Brownlie: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the monster friends
Brownlie: it's about a bunch of monsters who get together in order to have some sort of
Brownlie: some sort of
Brownlie: well, i guess you could call it a smash or a bash or something
King: you mean, like a mash?
Brownlie: a mash?
Brownlie: hmm interesting
Brownlie: a mash
Brownlie: i hadn't considered that
Craig Brownlie: in fact, it was a mash!
...
Hailey Piper: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call the tale of the clown transformation
Barker: how sexy is this clown tf
Piper: it's not really sexy
Barker:
Barker: could it be sexy?
Barker: is it about making clowns gay as fuck?
Barker: because, to be clear, i would be down for that
Barker: i mean making clowns gay as fuck
Barker: i just think that would be interesting
Piper: well i don't know about that
Piper: but there is one thing...
Garrett Cook: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the harem of trans puppygirl werewolf sluts
Barker: yes... ha ha YES!
Barker: there isn't a word in that sentence that i dislike
Cook: so sometimes you're just a trans puppygirl in search of a polycule
Cook: and sometimes you're a polycule in search of a trans puppygirl
Cook: sometimes things just work out like that
Cook: so Daddy has this harem of trans puppygirl sluts
Cook: w...
Stephen King: guys, big news!
King: my story the monkey is being adapted for the big screen!
King: by james wan and Osgood Perkins!
King: they're really in right now!
Barker: yeah you have fun with that
King: this is gonna be really exciting!
King: especially for edgar, since he's scared of monkeys
Poe: i'm not scared of monkeys
King: really? cuz you wrote that one story about the killer monkey
Poe: i write stories about a lot of things steve
Poe: why are you ...
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy i was murdered and no one cares Big 5
Publisher: poor boy! we care, jesse! here, have another publishing contract
Singal: b-but last time my book got remaindered
Publisher: it's ok jesse, we don't mind losing money
Publisher: the important thing is that you feel better
Singal: mommy mommy i'm still sad
Singal: people yelled at me on the internet
Bari Weis: don't worry jesse you can write about it in my newspaper der daily giftpilz sturme...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: jesssse ssssingal returnsss
Rowling: what newsss, wormtongue?
Rowling: isss it good?
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy don't hit me
Singal: mommy mommy it turns out that bluesky is bad!
Rowling: what????
Singal: yeah! it turns out those grapes are totally sour
Singal: i'm going to go to the only place that hasn't been corrupted with cultural marxism!
Singal: OUTER SPACE!
Singal: no...
Jesse Singal: [crying into the fisher price talky telephone] help police please send help
Singal: the trans were mean to me online!
Singal: and for no reason!
Singal: i'm just a journalist asking questions!
Katherine Huggins: [ears perk up] just asking questions you saaaaay?
Katherine Huggins: hello jesse singal i'm Katherine huggins, intrepid newshound of the fourth estate
Singal: how can i trust you?
Huggins: here at the daily dot, we believe in journalism's sa...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: what newsss, wormtongue?
Rowling: how goes the infiltration of bluesssky?
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy
Singal: it was SO HARD
Singal: the trans were SO MEAN
Singal: they all blocked me!
Singal: i was almost ignored to death!
Rowling: you poor child
Singal: but i did it mommy
Singal: every single person on the site told them to ban me
Singal: but i'm way more important than a...
Poe: welcome to tonight's meeting of the midnight society
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Poe: you're just in time, mary
Poe: Washington irving was about to tell a story
Shelley:
Shelley: [sweats] oh shit
Washington Irving: [lighting pipe] ba ba ba ba boo
Irving: hey old man good to see you
Irving: hope you're all enjoying this little shindig
Irving: now let the ol' groaner take a whirl with a story
Irving: submitted for the approval of the midnight societ...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i'm back from my advissory role in the transs genocide
Rowling: Obergruppenführer ssstarmer thought i had sssome real interessting new ideasss
Rowling: well, real interessting old ideass actually
Rowling: ssome real classsicss
Rowling: now back to busssinessss
Rowling: my busssinesss being yelling at the transs on twitter
Rowling: and bussssinesss iss good!
Helen Joyce: dark lord! d...
Wyle E. Young: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the big black obelisk
Lovecraft: [sweats] a big black obelisk???
Young: that's right
Young: made of really weird stone that's so black
Young: like blacker than black
Lovecraft: is the stone greasy?
Lovecraft: oh boy please say the stone is greasy
Young: so there's this little town in Texas
Young: and one day this giant mysterious black obelisk appears
Young: and it s...
Stephen King: guys i'm kinda bummed today
King: as you know i own 3 radio stations in the Bangor maine area
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: but unfortunately i have to shut them down
Poe: steve! no!
Stephen King: sorry edgar, it's time
King: i love radio but they keep losing money
Barker: why? do you just play the rock bottom remainders on loop?
King:
Poe: clive
Barker: no seriously
Barker: do you?
King: of course not, clive!
King: w...
Rebecca Rowland: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the optic nerve
Rowland: it's about a scientist who's researching a pill to restore eyesight
Rowland: but he accidentally makes himself psychic
Rowland: as you do
Rowland: now he's psychically connected with this one mysterious woman
Rowland: but is this connection just random?
Rowland: or
Rowland: is it the opposite of random?
Rowland: which is not random
Rowla...
2024-12-03 19:59:14 +0000 UTC View PostKing: guys, did you hear that there's a new harry potter series on HBO?
Barker: steve i could not care less because i am not a child
Barker: i'm an adult and when i want to watch a show about child wizards going to school
Barker: i watch a show about child wizards going to school that's for adults
King:
King:
King: ok uh well anyway
King: guys i'm really conflicted about this new harry potter series
King: i heard that JK Rowling was using the money to buy a giant me...
Elon Musk: mama mia
Musk: life, itsa seems so empty
Musk: [touching a framed portrait of Stephen King] since my-a best frienda moved away
Musk: i'm-a so depressed
Musk: grok, what shoulda i do
Grok: [slur]
Musk: mama mia, you are righta,grok!
Musk: i SHOULD buy Hasbro to secure the rights to dungeons anna dragons!
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the-
Elon Musk [rising out of bushes] eyyyy Stephano king
King: elon? are we still doing this?!
Ki...