Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Experts accused of collecting autistic people’s various secretions in order to cure autism have reassured the public that they’re simply using the samples recreationally.
Autism researcher, Dr. Graeme Hart, explained: “We’re being accused of all sorts of sinister things, like eugenics. It’s very hurtful as all we want to do is imb...
2024-08-13 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Your junk mail filter is sick of being blamed for your nonsense, it has been confirmed.
The folder, who asked to be referred to as Spammy, issued the statement after you telling your boss their email “must have gone into junk” for a third time this year.
Spammy said: “You have no idea how much shit I take for you. Actually you do, because you do check me regularly, despi...
2024-08-09 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman staring off into the middle distance is having an adventure you couldn’t possibly begin to imagine, it has been rumoured.
Friends who expressed concerns for Freya Emerson, 38, who’s often “away with the fairies” reportedly have no idea how much fun the fairies are.
Emerson said: “People often as...
2024-08-06 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Hey everyone,
We’re very excited to announce or next community event, which is open to ALL paid subscribers at all levels! Our last event was so fun and supportive and we can’t wait for the next one.
Join us on Sunday 11th August at 6pm BST as we have a fun chat all things late diagnosis. Come as you are - you’re very welcome to join in the discussion or if that idea makes you want to curl into a ball, you’re equally welcome to have cameras off, be on mute & just watc...
2024-08-02 13:30:03 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A mother who lives too far away from her autistic daughter to “just pop by” has discovered that unexpectedly video calling is almost as satisfyingly intrusive, it has been revealed.
Karen Hoyland, 64, said: “At first I was upset when my daughter Emma moved across the country for her job, leaving me with nobody to call round on without...
2024-08-02 10:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman had expressed her anxiety that her favourite film might not end the same way every time she watches it, it has been claimed.
Paige Thomas, 39, knows When Harry Met Sally off by heart, but still worries every time Harry gets weird with Sally after they sleep together.
She said: “What if this time he d...
2024-07-30 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A piece of work an autistic woman poured her heart and soul into has reportedly become garbage the instant she showed it to her manager.
Sarah Harrow, 34, who spent over three weeks working on an in-depth leaflet about neurodivergence in the workplace, was said to have been “pretty pleased” with the results, but this changed as soon as ...
2024-07-26 10:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has decided against attending a “relaxed” autism-friendly theatre performance due to it actively discriminating against her many neuroses, sources have claimed.
Beth Hapworth, 38, said: “I was briefly excited when I saw an ad for an autism-friendly performance of The Lion King, but that excitement quickly tu...
2024-07-23 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image by Shutterstock
An autistic man has tragically lost his life after a neurotypical friend got a fact about his special interest very slightly wrong, authorities have said.
Jack Harrington, 32, was reportedly out for a beer with childhood friend Ben Espenson, 31, when Espenson casually asked if Harrington was “still into sharks” because he’d ...
2024-07-19 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman whose face shows no emotion is actually contemplating your grizzly end, it has been confirmed.
Beth Hapworth, 36, whose expression reads to others as neutral or bored, is simply sick of your shit.
She said: “Nothing in our conversation so far has warranted a second facial expression. And I don’t think you’d lik...
2024-07-16 10:00:20 +0000 UTC
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Hey gang,
As we said the other day, we want to open up our monthly live hangouts to paid subscribers at all levels!
We’ve thought long and hard about additional content we can offer $5 subscribers at this point in time and one brilliant suggestion was The Weekly NT - an additional bonus piece that doesn’t necessarily have a home on the main site as it’s not directly autism-related but is still relatable to us.
The Weekly NT will run on Wednesday for $5 subscribers an...
2024-07-14 08:40:07 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
You’ve somehow managed to sell your workplace on reasonable adjustments, like noise-cancelling headphones, work-from-home days and you’ve won the war on Becky’s lunchtime tuna melts - so why not throw in a few extras, just to see if you can? Here’s how to ask your workplace for unreasonable accommodations.
Write a list of d...
2024-07-12 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Hello dear Patreon subscribers,
First of all, thank you so much for your support. You enable the work we do and we are so grateful. Also we put our heart and soul into our site and your belief in us means everything.
As this community begins to grow, we wanted to get your thoughts on what kind of bonus content you would enjoy going forward.
After a really lovely live chat last weekend, we have been having discussions internally about opening up our monthly live streams to ...
2024-07-10 10:58:35 +0000 UTC
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Pauce bau Saura Gaubbs, Imauge Shautterstock
Aun autistic inflauencer haus maude aun aurt aut auf shauving “au” intau aull haur pausts, sauces hauve claumed.
Pauge Thomaus, 2au5, begaun wauth thau waurd “ausome” aund faund aut impaussible tau staup.
Thomaus saud: “Aunce yau gaut gauing, yau spaut aupportunities auverywhere, nau mautter hau tenuoaus.”
“Se...
2024-07-09 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Autism has issued a statement, declaring that it prefers identity-first language.
It said: “I’m a list of complex traits that exist in a constant state of flux. I’m so much more than my person.”
“Defining me by the person I happen to be attached to, also known as person-first language, diminishes me as the complete neurologi...
2024-07-05 10:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Your dentist wouldn’t be putting their fingers in your mouth if they didn’t want you to bite them, reports have confirmed.
Spokesperson for dentists, Robert Noot, said: “Go on, you know you want to. We deserve it.”
“Seriously, we trained for years because we enjoy drilling into your disgusting teeth,” he continued. “We...
2024-07-02 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Hey gang!
We’re going live again on Sunday 7th July at 6pm BST. This time we’re doing a talk on own-voices comedy writing - how to get started, how to use your life to generate material, how to shape all that into jokes - and we’ll be taking questions too.
If you’re a $5 subscriber or up, you’ll receive a Zoom link the day before via DM for some one-on-one comedy writing Q&A time with us. If not, now is a great time to upgrade your membership!
Looking forwar...
2024-06-29 08:38:45 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
An autistic woman’s plans to go to town on herself have been scuppered by the arrival of a non-vibrating fidget spinner falsely advertised online as a “stim toy”, a consumer watchdog has said.
Freya Emerson, 29, ordered the toy last week, which promised to reduce her anxiety and stress. She said: “I thought it was a euphemism.”
2024-06-28 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
Neurotypical people everywhere are overjoyed by everything being too hot, bright and stupid, it has been reported.
A spokesperson for the neurotypicals, Karen Hoyland, 38, said: “Slowly boiling to death in my own home is awesome. I love it when my clothes stick to my body. That’s my favourite.”
“I’m also excited to get into ...
2024-06-25 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has discovered that she does have a superpower - disappearing into the furniture when there’s a knock at the door, it has been rumoured.
Paige Thomas, 36, is capable of becoming instantly invisible and completely silent like she’s evolved to evade predators.
Thomas said: “I turn into a sort of puddle, which the...
2024-06-21 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Film studios have received complaints after DVD releases of popular blockbusters failed to provide an option to turn off an autistic man’s running commentary, his family have reported.
Wallace Murray, 41, considers his many opinions and additional facts about the quality and making of the film respectively to be “basically a director’...
2024-06-18 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A non-autistic friend would really love to catch up sometime soon, just as soon as she’s less busy with everything that doesn’t involve meeting up with you, it has been rumoured.
Avery Mann, 36, said: “It’s just really hard to make plans at the moment, given how busy I am making plans with family, work and friends I like a lot more...
2024-06-14 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
A search engine has been described as “rubbish” after typing the words “how did last night’s beer with Gavin go?” provided no meaningful answers, sources have said.
Dexter Livingstone, 28, made the query following a post-work pint with university friend, Gavin Monks, also 28, went ?????
Livingstone said: “I’ve narrowed i...
2024-06-11 10:00:01 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock
A “robotic and emotionless” autistic woman is in floods of tears because she feels sorry for a manky old yoghurt pot lid, sources have confirmed.
Paige Thomas, 28, who ate a raspberry-flavoured yoghurt two weeks ago, reportedly became attached to the lid after licking it caused the pair to bond.
Thomas said: “In some lights it l...
2024-06-07 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock
An able-bodied, neurotypical friend is really excited to give you a multi-systemic illness with potentially life-ruining consequences, it has been revealed.
Graeme Hart, 42, has no disabilities or chronic illnesses and believes that you “have to get Covid some time.”
He said: “I’ve had it four times and I’m still healthy...
2024-06-04 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock
A workplace trainer with both professional DEI training and lived experience being autistic has shocked clients by asking for money for his work, it has been reported.
Eddie Albington, 45, who has 10 years’ experience delivering autism training to workplaces and 45 years’ experience living as an autistic pe...
2024-05-31 10:00:32 +0000 UTC
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Hey all! Just a reminder that Elsa and I will be hosting our first Patreon $5 members and up live Q&A this Saturday 1st June at 6pm BST!
If you’re not subscribed or a $5 member and you’d like to join in, there’s still time!
We’ll send everyone a Zoom link on Friday via direct message on Patreon, so look out for that then!
Also please do get your questions in - happy to accept them via DM or comments on here. We’re very excited to chat all things autism, being ...
2024-05-29 08:34:58 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, concept by Andrew Hickey, Image © Shutterstock
A non-autistic friend who wants you to meet them halfway actually means they’d like you to come the extra two and a half per cent in addition to the 95% you’ve already moved to accommodate them.
Graeme Hart, 38, would love to see you, but preferably at a noisy, crowded club with bright lights and sticky floo...
2024-05-28 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, image © Shutterstock
The CPS has won a landmark legal battle against an autistic woman’s husband, whose ostentatious sneezing has been classified as a hate crime, it has been reported.
Alma Montague, 43, took the decision to report her husband for causing excessive distress with his trademark sneeze, which has been described as “unnecessary”.
Spe...
2024-05-24 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock
An autistic woman on a hen party has no plans to participate, preferring to neutrally observe others acting like pillocks, it has been rumoured.
Paige Thomas, 28, is currently attending the hen party of second cousin, Avery Mann, 34. According to sources, Thomas has spent the first day of the three-day excursion to a luxury home in Scotland wa...
2024-05-21 10:00:02 +0000 UTC
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