Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic writer has had her last ever idea again, it has been announced.
38-year-old Avery Mann failed to think of an idea for her freelance magazine writing gig within the first five minutes of work - and therefore will never have another idea in her entire life.
Mann explained: “I’ve got nothing. Seriously, I’m going to qui...
2024-11-01 11:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic ghost who roams the halls of a suburban family home hadn’t realised she wasn’t a welcome presence, it has been rumoured.
The entity, known as The Grey Lady, which is pretty rude given that her name is Beth Hapworth and it’s not her fault she was wearing a grey cardigan when she died, was left “hurt and rejected” after...
2024-10-29 11:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has revealed that her receiving love language is being completely mugged off.
Miya Wilkes, 29, eschews romantic gestures like touch, acts of service or words of affirmation in favour of being treated like a disease-carrying rodent.
Wilkes explained: “There’s nothing sexier than a man who has absolutely no intere...
2024-10-25 10:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A woman who isn’t autistic has bravely used her voice to take up an autistic person’s slot on one of the few broadcasters actually still commissioning shit, it has been confirmed.
Karen Hoyland, 30, who classily changed her last name to distance herself from her famous dad, is not autistic herself - but has used her incredible empathy t...
2024-10-22 10:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has made history as the first person in existence to ever make a mistake, it has been confirmed.
Paige Thomas, 37, made what eyewitnesses described as a “slightly self-destructive decision,” despite her best efforts to be perfect in all matters at all times - just like everybody else.
Thomas said: “I’ve slep...
2024-10-18 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has demonstrated her commitment to excellence in socialising by sending friends post-hangout texts that are tantamount to customer surveys.
Miya Wilkes, 38, likes to ensure the quality of her interactions with just a few quick questions, if you have time.
In a text message to Becky Armitage, 40, Wilkes said: “I had...
2024-10-15 10:00:06 +0000 UTC View PostHey gang,
Thanks so much to everyone who came to last night’s Patreon live with the wonderful Holly Smale! We had a great time hanging out with you all, as always.
Just to say we’re now aware that there was an individual making inappropriate comments in the chat. We can only apologise for not realising in real time and acting more quickly to make everyone more comfortable. We are amending our settings next time to make sure that Elsa and John both have admin capabilities and a...
2024-10-14 08:25:14 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has reportedly broken a Guinness world record after taking just 0.2 seconds to regret agreeing to a favour.
Natasha Weaving, 28, who reluctantly agreed to attend her cousin’s hen party “to make up numbers” regretted the decision in less than a full second, when she was added to a WhatsApp group full of strangers.
Weavin...
2024-10-11 10:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Hello fellow funny autistic folk!
Just a reminder to our wonderful community that the amazing bestselling author and Netflix’s Geek Girl co-creator (and Daily Tism writer of course), the one and only Holly Smale, will be joining us this Sunday 13th November at 6pm BST for a live virtual hangout!
We’ll be talking writing neurodivergent characters, doing our usual oversharing and Holly will be taking your questions.
The event is for paid subscribers at all levels, so the...
2024-10-10 07:59:24 +0000 UTC View PostWe are delighted to announce that we have teamed up with a team of amazing autistic comedians, writers, actors and producers - names to be announced soon - to create a Daily Tism web sketch show.
The first episode begins filming in early November and all being well, will be released in time for Christmas.
We’re funding this out of our own pockets (but it’s great exposure) - but we’d love to be able to cover our costs and pay our brilliant cast and crew for their time.
<... 2024-10-09 13:33:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Every single fucking person wants something from you, it has been confirmed.
According to sources, interactions with friends and family may initially take the form of low-stress, low-pressure hangouts, but are actually energy draining time sucks waiting to ambush you.
Your friend “wondering if you’re around for a quick chat somet...
2024-10-08 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has caveated a post with so many brackets that she has accidentally done an antisemitism, it has been revealed.
Lottie Fitzgerald, 26, was reportedly so anxious to avoid offending anyone that she qualified each statement of a perfectly benign post about her local deli with multiple parentheses, resulting in the use of trip...
2024-10-04 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A non-autistic woman who can go outside without her face melting off with discomfort has declared that autism is a superpower.
Karen Hoyland, 45, who can walk out of her front door without sunglasses, headphones and a bag full of batshit supplies for any emergency, made the declaration after witnessing her autistic nephew sorting his Lego b...
2024-10-01 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A man who has been diagnosed as having both autism and ADHD has managed to lose his autism mere seconds after it was right there in his hand.
Ryan Wilkins, 43, could have sworn he put his autism down on the kitchen counter, but all he could find there was a pile of dirty plates, a bunch of receipts he might need at some point and three pai...
2024-09-27 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman who prefers to eat her morning cereal with a teaspoon can’t explain why that’s better, it just is, so get off her back - according to reports.
Krista Shure, 39, has the mouth of a fully grown adult but that doesn’t mean she wants an unnecessarily big-ass spoon clunking around in there.
Shure said: “Life is st...
2024-09-24 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
The best bite of your meal has issued a statement demanding that you save it for last.
The statement, issued as you sat down for a full-English breakfast this morning, read: l know that a carefully constructed bite with everything on it in perfect proportion is very tempting - but don’t eat me yet.”
“If you eat me now, you...
2024-09-20 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostExciting news! We have said from the beginning that our aim with Patreon is to earn enough to hire more writers. The time has now come for us to take on our first freelancer!
We are able to offer one freelance writer one commissioned piece per week at £40 per piece, with a view to increasing commissions as our income grows.
We are looking for applications from people with lived experience with autism. No comedy writing credits needed ...
2024-09-18 07:43:15 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
The tower of soft toys on an autistic woman’s bed are actually protecting a grotty little nest of unspeakable acts, it has been rumoured.
Emma Bernard, 32, has amassed the collection of stuffed animals over a lifetime, but as Plushie-in-Chief, a rabbit named Hoppy, 31, explained, their presence in her life is anything but wholesome....
2024-09-17 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Hey gang,
Thank you to everyone who came to last night’s live hangout with the brilliant Andew Hickey! It was such a special event with such a brilliant creator and we loved taking all your questions!
We are so excited to announce that our guest for next month’s hangout is bestselling author and co-creator of the hit Netflix show, Geek Girl - our dear pal Holly ...
2024-09-16 10:32:54 +0000 UTC View PostHey gang!
Just a quick reminder about tonight’s virtual live event at 6pm BST on turning your special interest into your job - with the one and only Andrew Hickey!
Everyone should have received a private Zoom link by DM on Patreon with instructions to join so please do let us know if that hasn’t come through for you.
Looking forward to our usual oversharing!
Sara and Elsa
2024-09-15 09:11:42 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has been left without a favourite song after she ate hers too quickly and got sick of it, report have indicated.
Emma Bernard, 28, loved the delicious taste of Guess by Charli XCX and Billie Eilish so much that she gorged on it for weeks. But after approximately 800,000 listens on Spotify, she abruptly found ...
2024-09-13 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic man’s boss has begun to assign him tasks via the medium of increasingly complex riddles, it has been confirmed.
PR account director Ryan Wilkins, 54, has always been vague in his instructions, according to direct report Lucas Fletcher, 29, but has recently begun behaving like he’s compiling crossword clues for The Times.
... 2024-09-10 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic person who has never put a toe out of line is going to get caught the second they let their guard down, authorities have announced.
Police conducting what’s known as Operation Alanis are reportedly lying in wait for 24-year-old Dexter Livingstone, who doesn’t even yet know that they’re going to spontaneously do an il...
2024-09-06 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostHey gang,
We’re so excited to announce that our next live hangout will be held on Sunday 15th September at 6pm British Standard Time!
The last one was so much fun and this time we’re delighted to say we’ll be joined by the legendary Andrew Hickey, the brain behind the epic A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs podcast.
Andrew will be discussing turning your special interest into a career and how the passion project he still does from home reaches some of the biggest ...
2024-09-03 11:46:31 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic person who managed to get out of a summer-destroying family holiday has instead fucked everything up by going on holiday with their friends.
Paige Thomas, 28, became entrapped in the unfortunate situation after bragging to friends about how they had evaded their family with an excuse about work.
Thomas said: “I was telli...
2024-09-03 10:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic person has bravely chosen a scary film to spend a couple of hours not actually looking at, friends have reported.
Dexter Livingstone, 24, reportedly likes the idea of watching a horror movie, but a too scared to actually glance at the screen for more than a split second.
Housemate Ellie Mulligan, 26, said: “For fuck’s ...
2024-08-30 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic advocate asked to work for free in exchange for great publicity has managed to convince their landlord to accept the unusual currency, it has been rumoured.
Eddie Albington, 45, was concerned about getting evicted from their family home, but fortunately convinced landlord Aidan Michaels, 50, to take payment by basking in Albingt...
2024-08-27 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman who has no idea what hot girl summer is but just knows she hates it is hanging on for cold girl winter, her friends have confirmed.
Krista Shure, 21, said: “Hot girl summer is stupid and bad and should fuck off.”
“My thighs are stuck together,” she continued. “Also I can’t sleep and I’m dying.”
...
2024-08-23 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman whose cat triggered her rejection sensitivity has spoken out about her ordeal.
Emma Bernard, 38, adopted two-year-old tortoiseshell McCatney from a local shelter six months ago but has since found herself being perpetually shunned.
Bernard said: “She only interacts with me at feeding time and even then it’s...
2024-08-20 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has confessed that she really does want to say “I told you so”.
Avery Mann, 28, is reportedly aware that she’s supposed to act contrite when something she forewarned about turns out to be true - but has no intention of doing so.
Mann said: “If people didn’t want their wrongness rubbed in their face, t...
2024-08-16 10:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post